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Project - Better Now

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Oh wow Holly. Just saw this in the gallery and what an amazing page. I can so relate to your journalling (not living in the foreign country part though). Our lives whizz by so fast and our kids grow before our eyes and I'd love to turn back time sometimes and do things a little differently. But I'm sure your kids know you did your best and love them so much :)

I always savor your stark, honest, lay-it-out-there journaling. The great thing about life is that it's a work in progress. Your journaling never fails to target the truth of that, and always told in such a beautiful, poignant way. I seek out your work just to get my poetic fill of the day. And, aside from my love of your writing, the photo strip being pulled from the pocket is brilliant. TFS, I mean that sincerely.

beautiful. I love the picture and most of all the journaling. I can very much relate to your words.

Project - Better Now
About this project


Project - Better Now
by hollyinjapan
posted 02/01/12 at 05:57 AM
Galleries: Scrapbooking

Journaling:

Everyone says enjoy them while they're little. I'm sorry I didn't enjoy you more. Looking back I know how much I missed out on and I am sad that I wasn't a better mommy to you when you were both so small. But truth be told, it was just too much for me most days. I was fighting so many internal battles of my own that enjoying my two small babes was overwhelming. I felt so alone, almost like a single parent living in a country that I didn't understand, that was constantly watching me and you. I look back at pictures of you when you were little and I just want to cry. I want to jump into the photo and hold you so tight, tell you how much I love you. And make sure you know that even though I am crazy most days that I love you. I love you. I love you.

Things are better now - now that you are older and don't need me for every little thing. I have found some peace and balance. I still lose my perspective some days and fall into the old pattern of feeling like I have to be the perfect mother, that you two have to be the perfect children. But deep in my heart I know that we are okay. We are going to be okay, I hope and pray. I didn't love and respect you enough when you were so little. I'm sorry for that. But please know that I am still learning. I so deeply want to be a good mom to you. I am trying. I feel like I am getting better now.

Credits:
most papers and elements from Midsummer Night's Dream by ViVa Artistry
butterfly is from Into Indigo by Quirky Twerp
background stamp is from Cluster Caper by Karen Lewis
photo mask is by Vera Lim
font used for title is The King Queen
font used for journaling is Aquarelle

as seen in the Jan 2012 Artisan Notebook. Thank you so much for looking!

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