I wanted to stop in and say hi.. and update you all a little (Avedadiva96)

Two Peas is Closing
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Posted 10/3/2012 by CountryPeaGirl in NSBR Board
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Young Country Pea

PeaNut 203,705
May 2005
Posts: 6,709
Layouts: 163

Posted: 10/3/2012 10:32:32 AM
Thank you all again for your incredibly kind and uplifting words. Please know they give me so much strength on days when I feel I have none left. I have said it a million times this community has some of the strongest, most amazing women I have ever had the pleasure to interact with. And oh Yubon.. really, your words do nothing to affect me anymore but thanks for the Captain Obvious statement. Believe me, if I was one bit worried about him "stalking" me.. I wouldn't be that stupid. The fact is, if he or the ex BFF have nothing better to do than to track my feelings that I write to thousand's of women that I consider my friends then let them read it. I have nothing to be afraid of, or hide from when it comes to them. So thanks for pointing that out.

(((HUGS to you all)))

Hello to all of my pea community..

I see so many of you on facebook which tends to be about the only place I check in anymore. But I think of you all often and wanted to update you on my life.

I am adjusting daily to living the life of a single mom of 4. We have had so many trials through all of this divorce/seperation to get through for the kids and I. I went through some pretty major depression for most of the summer but each day I kept telling myself to push through. Now, most days I wake up and am quite content and happy with my life.

The divorce should be final at the end of this month. I used to look at it as a death sentence but now I find myself really looking forward to all that divorce means being away from this man who I trusted and loved for 17 years and realizing what a gift he has given me to be able to spread my wings and learn who I am and love me for me and not who I had to be when I was with him.

My children are doing mostly well. My oldest daughter is doing great and very happy and full of her social activities. My middle daughter has the hardest time with this divorce. She was the daddy's girl and has felt so thrown away by his actions and his continually choosing to spend his time with the ex BFF's children and not her. She was my hardest struggle this summer. She was getting angrier and sadder every day. We had some really major issues with her doing things out of anger. In one instance she took a hammer and put holes in my living room walls when we were asked to leave a party by the ex BFF's daughter. It devastated my daughter as she knew the friendship all of the kids once had will never be again. She didn't know how to deal with it and that's how she reacted. I had her in therapy and it just kept getting continually worse. About a month ago she attempted suicide by trying to jump out of my car while we were driving to the therapy office. The ex DH had bailed out on his promised therapy session with her that day and she just didn't know how to deal anymore. I am so thankful I was able to hold on to her and still be able to control the car. It was the most devastating thing I've ever gone through as a mother. She admitted to me that she had thought about suicide multiple times since her dad left. I had her hospitalized that day. It was the most awful thing I have ever had to do as a mother and sometimes I wake up at night and lay there and sob thinking about it. But I know I did the right thing to get her help as a mother. She was there for a week and we now have her on medication to help her deal with her depression and intense therapy 2x a week. It seems to be helping.

The youngest 2 children seem to not have many issues.. yet. Ex DH is still with the Ex BFF but as the divorce looms closer he continually tells me how in love with me he still is and doesn't know what to do as he is in love with 2 women. That's his issue and not mine. I know I deserve more.

The oldest 2 children refuse the visitation schedule and I am going back to court to try to fight for full custody. When she attempted the suicide, he refused to come to the hospital to be there for her and then left and took the girlfriend to Pennsylvania for the weekend to visit with his grandmother. It just astounds me daily how a man can give up his children for her like he does. He does get the youngest 2 every other weekend and takes them to live at the ex BFF's house. It's very hard on me to know they are there living like a "family" but at the end of the day I know she takes care of them. They are happy, healthy, and fed while they are there. And as a mom I guess that's all you can ask for.

I move into my new house at the end of this month and the kids and I just can't wait for that. My mother was wonderful and bought me all new furniture so I have no memories of the past in my new home. I'm still working and trying to juggle 4 kids and their schedules alone. But I'm doing it and it does get easier.

Anyway.. I just wanted to stop in and tell you all hi and I love and miss all of you.

Many pea hugs..



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Right Pea on the Left Coast

PeaNut 230,510
November 2005
Posts: 18,306
Layouts: 10
Loc: SoCal

Posted: 10/3/2012 10:36:40 AM
God bless you. What a horrible ordeal. Many hugs and prayers for you and your kids. I hope your second oldest daughter gets past this devastation.

boring + nerdy

PeaNut 52,817
October 2002
Posts: 27,974
Layouts: 145
Loc: Oregon

Posted: 10/3/2012 10:39:46 AM
I am so sorry to hear everything you are going through. Many healing thoughts for you and your children.


PeaNut 116,439
November 2003
Posts: 1,021
Layouts: 0
Loc: Ottawa, Ontario

Posted: 10/3/2012 10:40:23 AM
OMG......I just want to hug you.

What an ass.....you are so better off without him.

What goes around comes around.....he will get his.


Pretty In PeaNK

PeaNut 417,489
March 2009
Posts: 5,222
Layouts: 2
Loc: Travelin'

Posted: 10/3/2012 10:41:29 AM
Thank you for the update. I've been wondering how you've been. Every time you post I'm amazed by your grace, strength, and courage through all of this. Keep holding your chin up; you are doing an amazing job being a great role model for your children.

Be gentle; I'm a delicate little flower

PeaNut 172,765
October 2004
Posts: 12,223
Layouts: 2
Loc: Why do you wanna know?

Posted: 10/3/2012 10:41:43 AM
I've thought about you often; thank you for updating. I'm sorry you and your kids are having to go through this, but it sounds like you're holding strong both for yourself and your children, and I (and I'm sure the rest of the Peas) are proud of you.


FYI--That avatar is NOT me; it's NOT my DH; it's NOT my father; and, I'm NOT related to him by blood or marriage. It's just a dude...wearing a Wal-Mart bag.

"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your crotch and may your arms be too short to scratch." TheSeaBee&Me, 5/20/2009

I love the smell of drama in the morning!

It's like the Twilight Zone

PeaNut 208,973
June 2005
Posts: 16,315
Layouts: 1
Loc: Pick up the phone. I'm always home. Call me anytime

Posted: 10/3/2012 10:42:15 AM
My heart breaks for your daughter and I hope that her hospitalization, medication, and continued therapy brings her through this time in her life and she is soon able to see herself living a bright future.

As for your STBX and his inability to visit his daughter in the hospital...as if I needed anything to think even lower of him. He's disgusting. You're lucky to be away from him.

Keep loving your kids, taking care of yourself, taking care of them. No bad mouthing their Dad...NO MATTER WHAT. They'll see who he is as they get older.

- Jenny


PeaNut 251,935
March 2006
Posts: 1,735
Layouts: 0
Loc: Cincinnati Ohio

Posted: 10/3/2012 10:44:01 AM
If I recall you are towards Springboro. I am north of Cincy in West Chester. If you need anything please let me know. I know we have never met but I will help anyway I can.

Prayers and blessing for your continued healing and for your children!

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Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 43,893
July 2002
Posts: 6,311
Layouts: 0

Posted: 10/3/2012 10:45:40 AM
I often think of you and all your going thru. Prayers and positive thoughts for you and your children for continued healing.


PeaNut 194,574
March 2005
Posts: 2,914
Layouts: 3
Loc: God's Country

Posted: 10/3/2012 10:50:00 AM
You sound so much stronger! I'm so sorry about your daughter. I'm praying she and the rest of your family will get thru this. He sounds like such a "winner" and good for you on finding your way. May you continue to get stronger and may your future be even brighter! God Bless.

Running the Marathon, Not the Sprint

PeaNut 110,589
October 2003
Posts: 7,100
Layouts: 8
Loc: Texas

Posted: 10/3/2012 10:53:00 AM
You are an inspiration. Please keep posting and letting us know how things continue to climb upward. Fly, girl! FLY!!!


PeaNut 122,227
January 2004
Posts: 8,825
Layouts: 114
Loc: Nowhere, USA

Posted: 10/3/2012 10:53:27 AM
I've also been wondering how you've been doing. I absolutely cannot fathom behavior like that. Who does that? Who just tosses their family away like that? I'll never understand it.

Very scary about your dd but it sounds like you absolutely did the right thing.

Continued thoughts and prayers for you and your kids.

I live for the applause applause applause...

PeaNut 526,154
October 2011
Posts: 7,786
Layouts: 0
Loc: Illinois

Posted: 10/3/2012 10:54:35 AM
How hard for you. And how hard for your daughter. I am sorry. But glad things are getting better.

Mom to the Wild Things.

PeaNut 96,783
July 2003
Posts: 28,225
Layouts: 0
Loc: Altoona, Alabama

Posted: 10/3/2012 10:54:35 AM
My heart just aches as I read your words but am so glad you came here and posted them. You have been through a terrible ordeal and are doing so well. Your little middle child is suffering so much. I hope she will be ok.

That he says he loves you but is not there for the children - that does not register with him that you would never consider taking him back?

Stay strong and hug all your children from us in Pea Land.


PeaNut 69,597
February 2003
Posts: 27,801
Layouts: 2
Loc: Follow the Yellow Brick Road

Posted: 10/3/2012 10:59:23 AM
I'm so happy to hear how well you're doing. I think of you often. I remember, so well, those raw emotions but at least my ex husband stayed invested in our daughter.

I can't imagine how much harder things would have been if he had turned away from our child...to have to deal with your pain and heal theirs...unfathomable. I'm so sorry...but so happy that you seem to be handling it all so well.

On a side note, when I divorced and moved out (which was very hard as we had bought my grandmother's home from her and I had to leave it behind because I couldn't afford it alone), my mom did the same thing as yours: bought me all new furniture because she wanted me to be able to come home and, I quote, 'see the future and not the past'...I will never forget how much that meant to me.



PeaNut 275,594
September 2006
Posts: 3,447
Layouts: 0

Posted: 10/3/2012 10:59:37 AM
I'm so sorry for the issues you've faced with your daughter. You made the right decision by seeking medical help. Hopefully the continued therapy will help her feel much better soon.

I know I deserve more.

Yes, yes you do and continue reminding yourself that when/if you have that moment of doubt!

Good luck with the move!

Really Red
Pea-ceful and Hap-pea

PeaNut 24,951
November 2001
Posts: 9,024
Layouts: 1

Posted: 10/3/2012 11:04:29 AM
I am so happy to hear from you! I am glad that you see the good to come out of this and I hope - so very much - that your 2nd daughter finds new spirit and happiness as well. I am glad you are there for her.

I hope each day brings you new happiness (as it has me, in my separation) and that your children are able to gather your strength and move on.

I am sorry about your sucky DH. Mine also abandoned his children in many ways and I will never understand how he is able to do that. You stay strong!!


When one door of happiness closes, another opens; But often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
Helen Keller

The Project Pea

PeaNut 139,756
April 2004
Posts: 8,446
Layouts: 30
Loc: Sacramento

Posted: 10/3/2012 11:05:16 AM
I don't understand how anyone can throw their children away like that. Selfish self centered bastard. I hope you can get full custody with the behavior he has been showing. Having seen situations like this before, I don't doubt that at some point he will have a huge resurgence of interest in his "old kids" and pretend like he's the freaking father of the year. And it will be even more heartbreaking when the kids who are dying for his affection buy into it and idolize him. If you have full custody at least you can limit some of that unhealthy yoyo interaction and give your kids the most stable life possible.

Continue to be strong and look towards the future and all the happiness that you and your children have ahead of you.

Sending hugs your way

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I sense impending mayhem.

PeaNut 51,520
October 2002
Posts: 19,670
Layouts: 47
Loc: Beautiful BC

Posted: 10/3/2012 11:05:45 AM
Every ending is a brand new beginning.

Hugs to you and your kids; I can't imagine the difficult journey you've been through. You're on the right track though, good for you!

Thanks for keeping in touch with us - you have soo many pea friends sending you lots of P&PT!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow."
Doug Firebaugh

Mom X 1
Plus Peanut and Ollie in Heaven

PeaNut 380,257
June 2008
Posts: 6,165
Layouts: 0
Loc: where the Tide Rolls

Posted: 10/3/2012 11:12:23 AM
So glad you updated, I've wondered how you are doing. I ca't imagine how hard it must have been to watch your daughter's struggles this summer. I'm so glad you were able to get help for her. You are continually showing your children how you are a strong woman and great mom!

And yes, YOU DO DESERVE BETTER!! and so do your children!

"I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: 'I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't accept His claim to be God.' That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic-on a level with a man who says he is a poached egg-or else he would be the devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him...or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He did not leave that option open to us. He did not intend to."

C. S. Lewis - Mere Christianity

True North Strong and Free

PeaNut 227,939
October 2005
Posts: 14,480
Layouts: 5
Loc: Southern Alberta

Posted: 10/3/2012 11:19:12 AM
I'm glad to hear you're doing so well and working your way through this. Hope your DD is feeling better soon. Take care!

Lost and Found in Pea-land

PeaNut 138,098
March 2004
Posts: 6,558
Layouts: 2
Loc: NC but wishing I was somewhere else

Posted: 10/3/2012 11:22:48 AM
I'm so sorry you and your kids are going through just a rough time. Divorce sucks. Best of luck to all of you. ((HUGS))

Cake Diva

PeaNut 90,802
June 2003
Posts: 10,665
Layouts: 35
Loc: Fergus, Ontario

Posted: 10/3/2012 11:24:39 AM
So glad you popped in to update!!

I wish nothing but the best for you and the kids - and I hope you get full custody considering he's such a dickwad.

You DO deserve better!!!


Mom to Julia (18), Hannah (16) & Jonathan (12)

the pea formerly known as 2Gals!

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Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 340,335
October 2007
Posts: 6,352
Layouts: 3
Loc: Colorado

Posted: 10/3/2012 11:26:03 AM
Thanks for the update- (((hugs))) and prayers for you all!


PEA-T-A-Mom's kitteh is a fraidy cat.

PeaNut 90,665
June 2003
Posts: 16,522
Layouts: 0
Loc: Wherever my little mind takes me

Posted: 10/3/2012 11:26:18 AM
That he wouldn't visit his own child when she was in crisis in a hospital speaks volumes about his lack of character. I hope your lawyer can use that info to help build your custody case. You are doing all that you can to support your girls. Therapy will help them adjust and you, too. Ex bff is in a doomed relationship. He's already trying to win you back. hehehe! He's already cheating on her.

You're doing fine. New furniture. New house. New energy. Thank you for sharing w/us.


I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?


PeaNut 544,018
February 2012
Posts: 2,407
Layouts: 1

Posted: 10/3/2012 11:26:34 AM

You are incredibly strong.


PeaNut 337,804
September 2007
Posts: 4,492
Layouts: 1
Loc: In the Know

Posted: 10/3/2012 11:30:43 AM
I'm so glad to hear you are doing well.
I really find it so hard to believe that he can totally turn his back on his daughter and KNOW how much pain she is in that he is 100% responsible for. When he went on a trip instead of seeing her in the hospital. Wow. That tells you just who he is. I know you thought he would never do that. How can he?? And you understand it even less. You sound like you are doing the best you can to get her help. ((hugs))

It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'
- Sam Levenson

Making the WWW better, one post at a time.

PeaNut 59,094
December 2002
Posts: 32,845
Layouts: 24
Loc: up on my high horse

Posted: 10/3/2012 11:33:19 AM
You are beautiful and amazing. You absolutely did the right thing for your DD. You are worth TWO parents to her. It's just a shame she needs you to be that since her father disappeared from her life. You deserve a medal. But with those four kids and your family behind you, you've got much more.

I am so terribly sorry for what your children, especially DD is suffering through. And of course what you are being put through b/c of this selfish excuse for a man. And to tell you he loves you both. Yeah, he's trying to keep his options open b/c he knows things with the new honey may not work out and he thinks you're stupid, desperate and weak enough to fall for it. He doesn't know you at all. What a piece of work.

You impress me with every post. I hope that no one ever has to go through what you are and that your ordeal is almost over. BUT if they do, you should be the prototype for how to get through it. (((((((((HUGS))))))))

OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.


PeaNut 360,185
February 2008
Posts: 189
Layouts: 0

Posted: 10/3/2012 11:38:07 AM
I am so glad to hear from you. I have thought of you often and wondered how you and the children were doing.

You sound so strong but then, what choice did you have. I admire your strength and how you have handled this with such grace and dignity. Your children will realize as they mature what has transpired and they will only love, admire and respect you more.

My heart just aches for your daughter who has struggled so mightily. I will keep her especially and you and the rest of your lovely family in my prayers.

God bless you.


PeaNut 134,479
March 2004
Posts: 6,814
Layouts: 0
Loc: Phoenix

Posted: 10/3/2012 11:39:53 AM
You are amazing. And I'd like to punch your xdh in the face.

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back to *pea*ality

PeaNut 471,633
June 2010
Posts: 4,859
Layouts: 0

Posted: 10/3/2012 11:43:44 AM
Wishing the best for you and your kids!


PeaNut 4
February 1999
Posts: 15,184
Layouts: 228
Loc: NJ

Posted: 10/3/2012 11:44:33 AM
Can I just say "Wow!" Kudos to you for getting through this and moving on with your life and helping your kids do the same.

My husband and his sister have absolutely no relationship with their father. He did something similar, though not with an ex-BFF. He did place the family of the woman he cheated with and later married above his own family. Obviously, the kids knew it and at some point, the oldest announced that they had decided they were done with visitation. It amazes me how anyone can walk away from their own children especially in favor of someone else's children. This man now has grandchildren who he will never know. Your husband has created a divide that will heal but will never rejoin.

Judie in Oz
PEAing Upside Down

PeaNut 12,503
March 2001
Posts: 7,455
Layouts: 44
Loc: Down Under

Posted: 10/3/2012 11:46:25 AM
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them". Your soon-to-be-ex sure has shown you who he is, and it's not pretty. I'm so sorry that your middle DD is having trouble coming to terms with what's happening. Your ex not visiting in hospital is unforgivable in my books. Hopefully she and your family will get stronger every day, and that the future looks brighter now.


Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 33,199
March 2002
Posts: 8,299
Layouts: 15
Loc: Southern California

Posted: 10/3/2012 11:47:29 AM
Thank you for the update, I was wondering how your were doing the other day. You are so strong and a great mom. It sounds like a good thing that he's gone, he doesn't deserve you.

On a side note: Does he tell you he still loves you verbally or by text/email? If it's by text/email I would be saving them all and forwarding them to her after the divorce is final. But then I'm a little vindictive.


Wise~old Pea

PeaNut 17,460
June 2001
Posts: 23,096
Layouts: 94
Loc: Central NJ

Posted: 10/3/2012 11:57:36 AM
Thanks for checking in. Good to hear that 2nd DD is getting the help she needs, it will take time. You are doing a great job..

'Cause I'm as free as a bird now

PeaNut 104,551
September 2003
Posts: 11,788
Layouts: 3
Loc: Missouri

Posted: 10/3/2012 12:01:11 PM
Glad to hear you're doing well, and I hope your daughter continues to get well. It's hard to hear how much pain she's in, I can't imagine being their living it with her.


My paintings on etsy:
Cease Watercolor Arts - Coupon code: imapea - 20% off for Peas!!

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My brain is 70% song lyrics!

PeaNut 43,833
July 2002
Posts: 17,407
Layouts: 29
Loc: The land of make believe

Posted: 10/3/2012 12:08:29 PM
Thinking of you. Inspired by your strength. You deserve all the happiness in the world.


PeaNut 40,147
June 2002
Posts: 24,330
Layouts: 2
Loc: Flowood, Mississippi

Posted: 10/3/2012 12:12:06 PM
I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!!! You were in such a dark place before and we all told you it would get better. You're so strong and such a survivor! Reading this makes my heart so fat for you!

I'm very sorry that your middle daughter is having a hard time. I pray that she continues to improve.
And can I just say how much of a dick I think your ex is to be so unconcerned with his daughter's well-being?! Unbelievable. At least as her mother you can say you did everything possible to help your child.

Hang in there and keep your positive attitude!



PeaNut 255,961
April 2006
Posts: 4,566
Layouts: 33
Loc: TX

Posted: 10/3/2012 12:17:15 PM
I will keep you in my prayers. God has great plans for you and your four kids! Hang in there!!


PeaNut 178,513
November 2004
Posts: 2,390
Layouts: 1
Loc: New England

Posted: 10/3/2012 12:18:33 PM
BIG ((((HUGS)))) to you and your children...

Leads a Charmed Life

PeaNut 43,843
July 2002
Posts: 44,159
Layouts: 46
Loc: East Coast

Posted: 10/3/2012 12:23:15 PM
I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. You are remarkably strong for what you have to deal with. Thanks for the update, I was wondering how you were doing. I wish you the best and admire your resilient attitude! You're still so young and have your whole life ahead of you! On to greener pastures!

Owner of "best tacky invitation" thread EVER

PeaNut 176,832
November 2004
Posts: 14,039
Layouts: 2
Loc: Stalking Dave Gahan

Posted: 10/3/2012 12:23:20 PM
I am so proud of you for making the right choice for your daughter. I can identify only two well. You are a great mother.

Please stay on track with her therapy and being available to her at any time. Keep her in the main area with you when she is doing homework and just hanging out. Don't let her brood in her room for long periods of time.

Check in periodically with the psyche who has prescribed her meds. At that age, the meds should be adjusted several times over the course of a year...it did with our son.

I am thinking of you, and of her. And I would like to run over your ex-husband with my car.

Peamail me with any questions you may have about what your baby girl is going through...

Carolina Girl 71
Knee deep in the water somewhere

PeaNut 217,388
August 2005
Posts: 5,395
Layouts: 0
Loc: Some Beach, Somewhere

Posted: 10/3/2012 12:35:30 PM
So glad to see an update and hear how well things are going. Hoping that your DD continues to improve and is able to gain understanding and peace with the situation. You are an amazingly strong woman and you have absolutely protected your children. You have a great future ahead of you.

I think I'm hearing the song "I will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor playing in the background!!! : )


At first, I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking, I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights thinking, how you did me wrong
And I grew strong and I learned how to get along

And so you're back from outer space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I'd known for just one second you'd be back to bother me

Go on now, go, walk out the door, just turn around now
'Cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one, who tried to hurt me with goodbye?
Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh, no, not I, I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give
And I'll survive, I will survive, hey, hey

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart
Kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart
And I spent, oh, so many nights just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry but now I hold my head up high

And you see me, somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person still in love with you
And so you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free
But now I'm saving all my loving for someone who's loving me

Go on now, go, walk out the door, just turn around now
'Cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one, who tried to break me with goodbye
Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh, no, not I, I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give
And I'll survive, I will survive, oh

Go on now, go, walk out the door, just turn around now
'Cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one, who tried to break me with goodbye
Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh, no, not I, I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give
And I'll survive, I will survive, I will survive

"I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven't slept all night, I'm starved, and I'm armed! Don't *mess* with me!" Gracie Hart, Miss Congeniality

"NSBR is a place where some horses are never dead enough that they can't be dragged out of the closet for one last beating." Elaine, 6/18/11

My turn to hit the PEAnata!!!

PeaNut 121,208
December 2003
Posts: 13,269
Layouts: 74
Loc: SCV, CA

Posted: 10/3/2012 12:35:36 PM

continue to be strong for yourself and your children as you try to find your new normal...I can't begin to imagine the rollercoaster this has been for you. I am amazed by your strength throughout all of these changes. You are an incredible woman and I'm so proud of all that you've overcome.


PeaNut 439,705
September 2009
Posts: 1,822
Layouts: 4
Loc: DFW, TX

Posted: 10/3/2012 12:54:54 PM
I'm glad things are looking up. I truly hope you get full custody - how he's treating the kids is unbelievable.


PeaNut 219,082
August 2005
Posts: 4,878
Layouts: 224
Loc: Wild Wonderful WV

Posted: 10/3/2012 1:02:34 PM
Micki, I'm so sorry that your oldest DDs are having such a tough time. I hope they reach a point where they're okay with all of the changes. My parents went through a divorce when I was about their age - my dad left my mom for her best friend. I guess it happens more than we realize. My dad and I never had much of a relationship after that. 30 years later, we're polite to each other and keep in touch every few weeks. I've made my peace with it and just accept the relationship we have - it is what it is. I hope your kids have something better than that.

I'm excited for you that you get to move into a new house with new furniture. Hoping you make lots of good memories with your kids there.



PeaNut 529,899
November 2011
Posts: 316
Layouts: 0

Posted: 10/3/2012 1:03:59 PM
Thanks for the update, I've thought about you often, I didn't recognize you until I read the post, then I thought well dang she looks great! Nice avatar pic.

So sorry to hear about your daughter, can only imagine how hard it has been. As a divorcee myself, I know you will end up a better person overall and probably a better parent overall because of the situation. As for your kids, my SO (another divorcee) has teenage/young adult children and I think it does affect this age group more than people would think. Therapy is a good thing, so I hope they stick with it & it works for them!

I think most ppl, including me, would put money on that he will come crawling back & have all kinds of regrets & issues for the rest of his life...and I just hope you have the strength to handle it and be ok with whatever you decide! Best of luck to you!

Bubbie is my most prized title.

PeaNut 99,833
August 2003
Posts: 5,226
Layouts: 2
Loc: Raleigh, North Carolina

Posted: 10/3/2012 1:10:57 PM
Unbelievable! I'm so glad you are moving to the next segment in your life...and there is life after. I hope you all find a "new normal" that showcases each and everyone of you without him.

Thanks for the update. I've thought of you and wondered.

Just to let you know...you have done the right thing with your daughter who is having such a difficult time. DH and I know your pain, but with therapy, they can blossom. Lots, and lots of hugs.

My favorite thing to make for dinner is reservations.
Visit me on Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/ccsalter/

& the Velcro dog

PeaNut 133,429
February 2004
Posts: 9,969
Layouts: 0
Loc: Somewhere over the Judgy-pants Rainbow

Posted: 10/3/2012 1:20:24 PM
((((Hugs)))) to you & your girls.

You never know how strong your are, until you have to be. You also never know how good a new direction will be, until you are on that path & release the past.

Fly, girl! FLY!!!

The difference between genius and stupidity is genius has its limits. ~Albert Einstein

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 35,782
April 2002
Posts: 5,098
Layouts: 1

Posted: 10/3/2012 3:02:41 PM
I've thought of you often and wondered how you and your children were doing. I glad you stopped by to give us an update.

First of all you are an incredibly strong woman! It was so wonderful to hear "to be able to spread my wings and learn who I am and love me for me and not who I had to be when I was with him". You've got it! In a healthy relationship you don't look for another person to make you happy nor should you change yourself to make them happy. A great partner loves you for who you are exactly as you are.

You are on your way and as more time goes on you will only get stronger and stronger. I am so happy for you!

I am very sad however to hear that your ex is continuing to ignore your children and the fact that he didn't come when your middle daughter was in the hospital speaks volumes about who he is and what is important in his life. How can any parent do that? It's so crazy I don't understand it, but this a-hole doesn't give a crap what he is doing to his children. I am so sorry for your daughter and all of your children for the ongoing pain he is causing them. I commend you for being such a great mother and getting your daughter the help she needed.

I think you idea of trying to get sole custody is a good one. In the meantime start making notes of all of the times he does this-is late for visitation, doesn't show up, says he is coming, doesn't call and never shows up, never showing up at the therapy session and your daughter's suicide attempt and so on.

I am thrilled for you that your Mom was so understanding in buying you new furniture so you wouldn't have bad memories associated with the old stuff. I'm sure you will feel a lot better once you move into your new place.

I'm sending you lots of hugs and I wish peace and happiness for you and your children. Take care,

Debbie in MD.
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