a little girl (13) in our school district killed herself Sunday because of bullying...

Two Peas is Closing
Click here to visit our final product sale. Click here to visit our FAQ page regarding the closing of Two Peas.

Posted 10/9/2012 by brandy_m in NSBR Board
1 2 >
 

brandy_m
H.P(ea) Show-off

PeaNut 62,296
January 2003
Posts: 12,128
Layouts: 391
Loc: PA-Jackass of the Northeast

Posted: 10/9/2012 6:35:11 AM
I live in completely small town USA. We don't live in that "attendance area" and my kids don't go to that high school. But I am so upset by this.

Our district does *nothing* to confront/address bullying in the schools. And my son was bullied both by other students AND a teacher (she's known for this..it's not just been my child) and the lack of concern and action by the administration was appalling.

I can't imagine the grief this poor family is going through.

How can bullying be addressed??


Brandy
mama to Andy, Kenny and Katie


Peppermintpatty
Mother of Benedict Cumberbatch's love child

PeaNut 279,995
October 2006
Posts: 5,302
Layouts: 40
Loc: Rockville, MD

Posted: 10/9/2012 6:37:23 AM


How incredibly sad. If that teacher was in my kids school you better believe she would be gone. I would see to it personally.





brandy_m
H.P(ea) Show-off

PeaNut 62,296
January 2003
Posts: 12,128
Layouts: 391
Loc: PA-Jackass of the Northeast

Posted: 10/9/2012 6:43:19 AM

How incredibly sad. If that teacher was in my kids school you better believe she would be gone. I would see to it personally.



Easier said than done. She's been reported, and has gone through several courses of "anger management" (Not as a result of my child but others). It's *really* hard to get rid of a tenured, unioned teacher.


Brandy
mama to Andy, Kenny and Katie


Carolina Girl 71
Knee deep in the water somewhere

PeaNut 217,388
August 2005
Posts: 5,395
Layouts: 0
Loc: Some Beach, Somewhere

Posted: 10/9/2012 6:46:24 AM
Heartbreaking.


"I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven't slept all night, I'm starved, and I'm armed! Don't *mess* with me!" Gracie Hart, Miss Congeniality

"NSBR is a place where some horses are never dead enough that they can't be dragged out of the closet for one last beating." Elaine, 6/18/11


lovetodigi
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 257,022
April 2006
Posts: 8,640
Layouts: 5
Loc: USA

Posted: 10/9/2012 6:54:58 AM
How sad.




Sony a77
Sony 18-70mm F3.5/5.6, Sony 75-300mm f/4.5-5.6,
Sony 50mm 1.8, Sony DT 35mm f/1.8 SAM
Tamron SP 90mm f/2.8 Di 1:1 AF Macro AF
Tamron 18-270mm F/3.5-6.3 AF Zoom with Macro
MacBook Pro 15" (Mid 2012)
Photoshop CS6 & PSE 11
Lightroom 4

Peabay
Happy now?

PeaNut 156,993
July 2004
Posts: 46,562
Layouts: 13
Loc: Connecticut

Posted: 10/9/2012 6:55:46 AM
I think it has to be addressed by both ends: stopping the bullying and educating our children that suicide is not a solution. Communities and families are reluctant to utter "the s word" because they fear it gives kids the suggestion. Just the opposite. We need to talk about and let kids know it's not an option; that adults can help; all problems can be solved. We need to help kids be more resilient. And we need to hold bullies accountable, off course.

That poor child, I can't imagine the pain of her parents.



*Erin
triathlon pea

PeaNut 80,864
April 2003
Posts: 10,658
Layouts: 13
Loc: Gone to chemo with BethAnne

Posted: 10/9/2012 7:29:14 AM
A friend and I were talking about the bully situation this weekend, and neither of us had any good ideas for how to stop it. The bully kids are so clever--they make sure no adult can hear/see them when they start ramping up. The victims are so afraid that it will get worse if they tell that they say nothing. The teachers and administrators (if they're good) try to get the kids to stop by talking about it, but nothing seems to help. If I ever learned that one of my kids was bullying I would be so ashamed, and they would be in for a lot, A LOT of work on re-establishing good relationship skills.

That poor kid. Her poor family. And I'll bet the bullies don't even see their part in this.



~KimPea~
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 197,450
March 2005
Posts: 2,314
Layouts: 0
Loc: Epicenter of Awesome

Posted: 10/9/2012 7:53:55 AM
Absolutely heartbreaking! Her parents have to be devastated.


Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. Mark Twain

Really Red
Pea-ceful and Hap-pea

PeaNut 24,951
November 2001
Posts: 9,024
Layouts: 1

Posted: 10/9/2012 8:10:39 AM
I am sorry. 13yo is just too young, isn't it?

A teacher bullied my 13yo - told her "You are saying you are sexually excited to go to math class" in front of the entire class of 13yo kids, when she said something in French.

Teacher admitted it and said she was just being helpful to my child. Instead, that, coupled with all the other hateful things she did and admitted to, made me remove my child from her class (which is very, very hard halfway through the year). The teacher admitted everything she did and she also was mocking how a 7th grader walked, and said she looked like a duck. She admitted that.

Where is that teacher? Still teaching. I went all the way to the top, but apparently teachers are allowed to mock students.

Sorry for the hijack. I am really crazy about stuff like this.


Andrea

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; But often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
Helen Keller

WingNut
Best Cat Evahhh!

PeaNut 18,741
July 2001
Posts: 14,109
Layouts: 200
Loc: Maryland

Posted: 10/9/2012 8:34:23 AM
During a couple of rough times with my son in both 6th grade and 8th grade, this was my biggest fear. So much so that I actually made a statement in an IEP meeting that if the staff didn't want to be looking at a picture of my son on the front of the local papers and TV, then they needed to help him NOW. I told them that I wasn't be melodramatic...that it was a fact that he was experiencing all the classic signs of a child considering suicide. *WE* were doing everything we could, but the school had to step up and do their part. This finally was the wakeup call that got things moving at school. It's not perfect but it's improved. We have a long way to go though.

My heart cries out to the parents of the poor girl. And all who have gone before her.


Joy


Iowa_girl
PeaAddict

PeaNut 225,620
October 2005
Posts: 1,492
Layouts: 0

Posted: 10/9/2012 8:34:33 AM

How can bullying be addressed??


It seems like there are some real attempts to bring light to this now. I am hearing a lot about it from all forms of media. There are SO many more ways to bully now than when we were kids.

I also think it is time to toughen up our kids a bit too. Maybe we have some of the blame by never letting our kids feel like they are less than perfect - or that they have to BE perfect. I know every circumstance is unique and there is no one answer, but I have witnessed it so many times thought the years where "everyone wins" or everyone has to be rewared the same.

Life isn't fair. There are mean people out there (generally very insecure) who will want to torment you. You MUST be able to blow them off and go on. If there is physical harm - get some help, but we need to teach our children how to deal with failure, mean people, and real life.

Some of the anti-bullying formats I am seeing are starting to look like if you say anything negative to someone you are a bully and will be reprimanded. That is going overboard.

Youth suicide has touched our small community too many times lately. It is heartbreaking to think that they think this is the best way out. The suicides haven't been from bullying -but more from them not feeling like they were worth anything. So very sad, but after each one - that kid was made into a Saint. Window stickers, bracelets and t-shirt with everyone proclaiming their love for that person. In my opinion - it glorified the suicide. I flat out told my kids they were supporting the suicide if they wore any of that. Instead - support suicide prevention!


Shevy
Harley Riding Pea

PeaNut 10,051
January 2001
Posts: 8,026
Layouts: 9
Loc: 10,000 Lakes and Double Cities!

Posted: 10/9/2012 8:54:34 AM
I don't envy parents and schools today. I know that every generation says this, but I think it's much worse now that it was when I was in school 20-30 years ago. I thin kthe internet made kids more bold and there are so so many ways to bully that weren't around even 10 years ago. I don't have any answer, but it makes me sad that kids are dying while everyone is trying to figure out how to stop it.



bumblebby
AncestralPea

PeaNut 249,153
February 2006
Posts: 4,245
Layouts: 0
Loc: Northern Ontario

Posted: 10/9/2012 9:48:18 AM
I think the principal really sets the pace at school as far as bullying goes. There is only so much a teacher can do. The teachers really need support from the principal when it comes to bullies.

Mind you, my kids are in grade 2 and kindergarten. I haven't had to deal with bullying on either end yet so my opinion comes from observation alone.

We had a principal that was very supportive of the kids, all about second, third, etc chances for the kids. I felt that the teachers were very frustrated with that principal.

Our new principal though, is firm but fair. I am already hearing that he has suspended a child and school has only been in for a month. He has a no nonsense approach and the school just feels different, in a better way.




Rhonda







Uploaded with iPhone client

14U14ME
PeaAddict

PeaNut 223,678
September 2005
Posts: 1,317
Layouts: 10

Posted: 10/9/2012 10:00:31 AM
that is so so sad.
my elementary aged kids had all kinds of anti bullying stuff (assembly,workshops etc) starting oct 1.. i think it is a new state wide thing in NJ --theirs was very similar to the articles

icedpea
PeaAddict

PeaNut 562,203
July 2012
Posts: 1,239
Layouts: 0

Posted: 10/9/2012 10:06:59 AM
That is so sad. Unfortunately, it still happens to adults.

batya
Making the WWW better, one post at a time.

PeaNut 59,094
December 2002
Posts: 32,845
Layouts: 24
Loc: up on my high horse

Posted: 10/9/2012 10:08:56 AM
Another thing we need to do as parents and also from the angle of the school is give other kids the tools and the power to take the bully down. As in bystanders standing up for the kid who is being bullied. The bully's power lies in knowing no one will stand up for that child who is being pushed around. But if we make a power shift and try very hard to teach children (I tell mine over and over) IF you see a child being bullied or insulted, stand up for that child. Say something. Go against the tide. There is strength in numbers. A bully is strong against one smaller. But against 2? 5? It's always hard to be the one to stand up and say something. But it's a lot easier when someone else does it first. Surely you aren't the first or only person this bully targeted. And you can be next.

We need to teach our kids to speak up for each other and take the power away from the bully. We need to teach kids that they are responsible for each other. Not to look the other way or just be glad it's not them. At the very least get an adult. Or report what they're seeing.


OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.




WingNut
Best Cat Evahhh!

PeaNut 18,741
July 2001
Posts: 14,109
Layouts: 200
Loc: Maryland

Posted: 10/9/2012 10:18:12 AM

Another thing we need to do as parents and also from the angle of the school is give kids other kids the tools and the power to take the bully down. As in bystanders standing up for the kid who is being bullied. The bully's power lies in knowing no one will stand up for that child who is being pushed around. But if we make a power shift and try very hard to teach children (I tell mine over and over) IF you see a child being bullied or insulted, stand up for that child. Say something. Go against the tide. There is strength in numbers. A bully is strong against one smaller. But against 2? 5? It's always hard to be the one to stand up and say something. But it's a lot easier when someone else does it first. Surely you aren't the first or only person this bully targeted. And you can be next.

We need to teach our kids to speak up for each other and take the power away from the bully. We need to teach kids that they are responsible for each other. Not to look the other way or just be glad it's not them. At the very least get an adult. Or report what they're seeing.


This is where I think bullying "education" needs to be focused.


Joy


batya
Making the WWW better, one post at a time.

PeaNut 59,094
December 2002
Posts: 32,845
Layouts: 24
Loc: up on my high horse

Posted: 10/9/2012 10:39:25 AM
I read the subject line so many times before I could even open this thread. I can't imagine how these parents are coping. She's just a little child. I wonder if they even knew this was happening to her.


OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.




peaing in salem
PeaAddict

PeaNut 452,539
January 2010
Posts: 1,263
Layouts: 0

Posted: 10/9/2012 10:42:59 AM
Very sad that a child is pushed to the point of suicide because of another person's action. So heartbreaking.


peanuttle
PeaAddict

PeaNut 136,677
March 2004
Posts: 1,244
Layouts: 0

Posted: 10/9/2012 10:49:28 AM
How horrible! My heart breaks for her loved ones. For a child to be that desperate because of bullying is just beyond words.

Our school district is hard core on bullying and I am so glad. We have "say no to bullying" week and the teachers and play ground supervisors are trained to watch for it and they have a zero tolerance policy.

I am not sue happy, but if I were her family and that was our district, I would be taking action, especially if they have addressed it with no response from the school. (not saying this is the case, but based on your child's experience and the one teacher, its sounds like the district needs to wake up.)

CarolinaGyrl
PeaNut

PeaNut 259,911
May 2006
Posts: 321
Layouts: 0
Loc: North Carolina

Posted: 10/9/2012 10:52:42 AM
This is really devastating and oh so sad!


Michelle

Wife to Eric. Mommy to Sophie (14) and Ethan (4).



squillen
Tier 1 Baking Pea

PeaNut 133,550
February 2004
Posts: 39,602
Layouts: 331
Loc: Hudson Valley, NY

Posted: 10/9/2012 10:53:32 AM
So very sad. This year, they have implemented an anti-bullying program at my girls' school. They even have put the intern administrator in charge of this program and they are VERY serious about bullying and putting a stop to it.



slkmommy
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 266,020
June 2006
Posts: 2,743
Layouts: 0
Loc: freedom, pa

Posted: 10/9/2012 10:59:34 AM
The biggest bullies in our school at the age of 13 are children of kids who were bullied. My husband has watched for years the attempts to stop them. It fuels the fire.

ETA: I think it's horrid that kids think its ok to bully and abuse other kids. I wish there was a way to instill mutual respect in kids.


sherri

Like my opinion really counts anyway...
Uploaded with iPhone client

Mom2dancer
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 27,148
January 2002
Posts: 6,934
Layouts: 49

Posted: 10/9/2012 11:22:43 AM

Some of the anti-bullying formats I am seeing are starting to look like if you say anything negative to someone you are a bully and will be reprimanded. That is going overboard.



I agree with this. It's just so difficult, if not impossible, to classify exactly what bullying is. Yes, of course, sometimes it's completely obvious, that's not the kind of bullying I'm talking about. There is NO excuse for blatant bullying to be going on. It's more of the subtle bullying that is hard to define...is it bullying, or is it perceived that way by a sensitive child who is maybe more fragile than anyone would think? All we can do in those cases is to teach our kids that they never know what can be happening inside the minds of their peers, or what may be happening at home, and to just be kind and reach out to kids who seem to be alone. I hammer this into my kids all the time. They are friendly, well-adjusted kids who are easily accepted at each of their schools. They are not in the super popular queen bee groups, but are just sort of in the middle ground groups...which is perfectly suited to them. Because they have an easy school life, I feel that it's their responsibility to be aware of others around them and to always speak up with confidence if they see someone being made fun of for any reason.

Our district does take it seriously and between my 8th and 11th grade daughters, they both tell me that they do not see any obvious bullying at all. Of course, they don't know every student and every situation going on at their large schools, so I'm sure there is bullying that they do not notice. It's a joint effort between the school administrators to set the expectations and consequences, the teachers who observe the kids daily, the parents to talk to their kids and the students to feel confident enough to stand up to anything they see going on.

My daughter had a 15 year old classmate commit suicide last year (not due to bullying) and it's just so tragic, but if any good can possibly come from such a horrible event, it's that it does make people talk to their kids about it and even come together as a community. My daughter cried and I did too, and she just wanted to know why? Why? I told her that we would never know and likely her family would never know, and we talked for a long time about suicide, which I had never done in any depth with her before. I'm sure I wasn't the only mom having that conversation with her kids.


Nicole

Maryland
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 87,597
May 2003
Posts: 11,075
Layouts: 0

Posted: 10/9/2012 11:30:46 AM
That's awful! Was it on the local news? I didn't hear anything about it but we were out of town until late Sun. There was an 8th grader in our district that committed suicide a few years ago. She was on the soccer team and I heard that other members of the team were always giving her a hard time. Don't know what the official "cause" was, but that was the rumor.


ScrapnMom2Four
BucketHead

PeaNut 399,391
November 2008
Posts: 695
Layouts: 7
Loc: Northeast Pennsylvania

Posted: 10/9/2012 11:59:03 AM
OP, we may live near one another. I am also from NEPA, and there were 4 kids who took their own lives in the course of about 1 week, probably 2 weeks ago now. It is so sad. I do believe one of the girls was 13 as well, and one of the boys (that I am aware of) was 12.

I live between Wilkes Barre and Hazleton.


~Sherry~
Happily married to my DH since September 1992
A crazy-busy Mom to my four awesome kids - DS 19, DS 17, DD 13 and DD 8
Life is good (most days)!

"Home is where your story begins."

Proud owner/designer of "Paper Creations By Sherry", specializing in mini albums, party supplies, hair bows, and much more!



OKtrae
AncestralPea

PeaNut 131,500
February 2004
Posts: 4,797
Layouts: 15
Loc: Owasso, OK

Posted: 10/9/2012 12:33:01 PM

Another thing we need to do as parents and also from the angle of the school is give kids other kids the tools and the power to take the bully down. As in bystanders standing up for the kid who is being bullied. The bully's power lies in knowing no one will stand up for that child who is being pushed around. But if we make a power shift and try very hard to teach children (I tell mine over and over) IF you see a child being bullied or insulted, stand up for that child. Say something. Go against the tide. There is strength in numbers. A bully is strong against one smaller. But against 2? 5? It's always hard to be the one to stand up and say something. But it's a lot easier when someone else does it first. Surely you aren't the first or only person this bully targeted. And you can be next.

We need to teach our kids to speak up for each other and take the power away from the bully. We need to teach kids that they are responsible for each other. Not to look the other way or just be glad it's not them. At the very least get an adult. Or report what they're seeing.


I agree with this but the firs thing is the ADULTS need to not punish the tattler, take them seriously and NOT then punish the victim who stands up for themselves.

I took a vacation day last year and spent with a friend's kid (she is a tax acct and it was tax week) who got kicked out for a day because after 3 years of the bully pushing him down every single day. he tripped the bully after he got shoved down, as in J was ON THE GROUND and tripped the kid. Bully got NOTHING. J got a heck of a day with me and his favorite little kid on earth. That day was worth it b/c the bully isn't bullying J anymore. Other kids yes, but at least it's an improvement. Sadly though, other kids won't stand up against the bully b/c J got suspended.



needmysanity
AncestralPea

PeaNut 380,372
June 2008
Posts: 4,782
Layouts: 3
Loc: Central California

Posted: 10/9/2012 1:04:13 PM
This hits WAY to close to home. My 12 yr old son has been the victim of some horrible bullying last year and now 12 months later it still affects him every single day at school. His whole day is goverened by what he feels will keep him out of being bullied and it just breaks my heart.

We are now 2 months into school and he still won't talk to anyone outside of his classroon and has yet to leave the wall during recess.

Bullying doesn't stop hurting even if the kids stop. It's something that these kids deal with the next day and the next. I don't have the answer on how to stop it but I can tell you this whole "Bullying Awareness Month" is crap - DS's bullying started during the the awareness month...ironic isn't it.

The schools need to do a better job at holding these kids accountable for their actions. There is a zero tolerance policy for weapons at school but not for bullying (at least around here).

Bullying is about power and these kids get off on making the kids feel powerless. I have been trying to empower DS so he knows he has the right to say NO...to yell NO and to bring light to the fact he is being bullied (so far this year we are bully free thank God).

My heart just breaks for that little girls family....I just can't imagine the brokeness they feel right now.


~Steph~

Mom, wife, CASA advocate, baseball fanatic and wine drinker

Blogging my way through life at Meandering Steph






icedpea
PeaAddict

PeaNut 562,203
July 2012
Posts: 1,239
Layouts: 0

Posted: 10/9/2012 1:07:40 PM
needmysanity,

That is terrible! I would home school, even though I work full-time. I would home school at night. I couldn't take it.

~Kelly

Luvspaper
AncestralPea

PeaNut 24,564
November 2001
Posts: 4,109
Layouts: 0

Posted: 10/9/2012 1:29:10 PM

Some of the anti-bullying formats I am seeing are starting to look like if you say anything negative to someone you are a bully and will be reprimanded. That is going overboard.




is it bullying, or is it perceived that way by a sensitive child who is maybe more fragile than anyone would think?


How sad.....I think it's also important to work with the child who is being bullied to know how to deal with it...

In some places it's gone overboard the other way. I by no means think bullying is acceptable. But sometimes it is very hard to realize that there are also manipulative children that have used the "bullying" cry much like the boy who cried wolf. While every case should be taken seriously, we have to realize that once a child realizes he can get other children in major trouble just by stating he is being bullied, the pendulum can swing the other way. We've just had an issue with that at our MS. There is NO way for the kids to prove they HAVEN'T been bullying this child. He claimed "constant" bullying from a child in 6th grade, even though he is in 7th. There is no time during the day where 6th and 7th graders are ever together, not even in the hallways! They ride the bus together, but don't sit near (grouped by grades again).

I still remember about 5-7 years out of HS, my group of friends got together for dinner. We sat around talking about Middle School and you know what? We ALL (in MS) felt like we were the one "outside" of the group or being bullied/picked on. It was an eye opening experience and helps me deal with my children especially during that age.

purpledaisy
Calm

PeaNut 116,261
November 2003
Posts: 25,809
Layouts: 102

Posted: 10/9/2012 1:37:19 PM
That is absolutely heartbreaking!


Becca

May we be consumed with the Creator of all things rather than with things created.

6 rings - no cheating! Go STEELERS!

Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent-free in your head.

*Erin
triathlon pea

PeaNut 80,864
April 2003
Posts: 10,658
Layouts: 13
Loc: Gone to chemo with BethAnne

Posted: 10/9/2012 1:47:20 PM

is it bullying, or is it perceived that way by a sensitive child who is maybe more fragile than anyone would think?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Does that matter if it drives the child to suicide? I'm not being snarky here, I really wonder what people think about it. In my opinion, if suicide looks to the victim like an escape from the torment then the torment should be classified as bullying.



batya
Making the WWW better, one post at a time.

PeaNut 59,094
December 2002
Posts: 32,845
Layouts: 24
Loc: up on my high horse

Posted: 10/9/2012 1:48:53 PM

I agree with this but the firs thing is the ADULTS need to not punish the tattler, take them seriously and NOT then punish the victim who stands up for themselves.


ITA with you. That's why zero tolerance is nice in theory but it doesn't allow for a case by case common sense look at the players. It just doesn't work. The intent was that it would be zero tolerance against the bully. But what happens is when the victim reacts very often they are the one who gets caught and nothing happens to the assailant. The bullies know how to play the game. THey are often skilled at not getting caught. But the victim acts out and WHOOP! Zero tolerance!


OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.




Mom2dancer
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 27,148
January 2002
Posts: 6,934
Layouts: 49

Posted: 10/9/2012 2:14:35 PM

Does that matter if it drives the child to suicide? I'm not being snarky here, I really wonder what people think about it. In my opinion, if suicide looks to the victim like an escape from the torment then the torment should be classified as bullying.


Well, no, of course not!! My point isn't that some kids are just being "babies" or overly sensitive, I would never say that. Their perception of a situation is their reality, so even if they are more sensitive than another child would be, their feelings have to be taken seriously no matter what.

Maybe I didn't express myself the way I meant it...I'm just trying to say that we have to teach our kids to be kind and considerate to each other no matter what. Whether they feel like it's a true bullying situation, or if one kid is just overly dramatic, because they just do not know what the other child can be going through.



Nicole

Jodi_S
PeaAddict

PeaNut 228,581
October 2005
Posts: 1,555
Layouts: 26
Loc: Winnipeg, Canada

Posted: 10/9/2012 2:24:47 PM
It breaks my heart. That poor little girl and her poor family.

Bullying needs to be addressed in kindergarten. It needs to be made aware of at an early age. It needs to be addressed by the schools that no form of bullying will be tolerated, no matter the age. I speak strongly about this, every chance I get, where it be on a message board, facebook, the school district and the community. I am the Mom of a child that has been bullied.

My son who is now 8, was always outgoing, made friends easily, was always laughing, and confident. He's experienced being teased or made fun of and was able to shrug it off. Unitl grade 2. Two boys who are two years older than him, decided to make my son their target. They were relentless.

For those who have never had a child that has been bullied, it's easy to say that they need to toughen up. But you're not experiencing watching your child's self esteem go down, reasuring your 7 year old that they are not stupid or dumb. Or having them crawl into bed with you during the night because they had yet another nightmare. That is if they slept that night. Or taking them to the doctor's constantly because they are suffering from stomach pain and are vomitting, only to learn it all stems from anxiety of having to get on that school bus with the bullies or being at recess with them.

It wasn't just words, they were being physical too. One even threatened to bring a knife to school to cut my son up. These boys were 9!!! I did have the RCMP down at the school, but not even they could do much other than talk to the boys because they were 9. I tried working with the school, then fighting them, I went to the school board and laid threats of worse action myself. I had also used the name of the last child that committed suicide to the school principle saying I did not want my child ending up like that. I received little results.

I've gone through a lot of emotions myself in the past year for my son. I was even questioning why him? There was absolutely no reason why they did choose my son. And he did stick up for himself at first, until one day he broke down and cried. Then it got worse.

I ended up pulling my child from that school and putting him in one that has zero tolerance for bullying. Zero.

My child is not the same happy go lucky kid he was a year ago. He is now in counseling to help deal with his anxiety and his self esteem. He has frustration now that he is also learning to deal with.

Bullying needs to stop. Everyone needs to get on board. Kids are killing themselves over it. Even with awareness, they still are.

Sorry for going off on a rant... this subject makes me extremely passionate.


**********************************************************

WingNut
Best Cat Evahhh!

PeaNut 18,741
July 2001
Posts: 14,109
Layouts: 200
Loc: Maryland

Posted: 10/9/2012 3:38:19 PM
{{{{ Jodi & son }}}}



Joy


Peabay
Happy now?

PeaNut 156,993
July 2004
Posts: 46,562
Layouts: 13
Loc: Connecticut

Posted: 10/9/2012 3:42:05 PM

For those who have never had a child that has been bullied, it's easy to say that they need to toughen up. But you're not experiencing watching your child's self esteem go down, reasuring your 7 year old that they are not stupid or dumb. Or having them crawl into bed with you during the night because they had yet another nightmare. That is if they slept that night. Or taking them to the doctor's constantly because they are suffering from stomach pain and are vomitting, only to learn it all stems from anxiety of having to get on that school bus with the bullies or being at recess with them.


2 of my dds have been bullied. I get it. I really do. It's horrible and my attitude is not just "toughen up" and blame the victim.

My issue is more about making suicide not this taboo subject that is never talked about until someone takes his or her own life. My issue is more about talking to our kids about suicide and how it's a "permanent solution to a temporary problem." And removing the taboo so that kids are aware of the help that is out there when they are feeling desperate.

I'm so glad you were able to remove your son from that situation and I hope he continues to improve - not just improve, thrive.



AimeeInOhio
Artsy-Fartsy Disney Nerd

PeaNut 139,268
March 2004
Posts: 6,559
Layouts: 73
Loc: Lima, Ohio

Posted: 10/9/2012 4:18:50 PM
You ladies know I've been dealing with the bullying issue. I have yet ANOTHER appt with the prosecutor's office next week to figure out what we can do about the kid who threatened to shoot my son, and shoved his head while he said it.

WHile at the prosecutor today, they told me they received another complaint, by the same name, but spelled differently (but I don't know that I have the correct spelling of this kid's name)...they are going to investigate further...SAME EXACT COMPLAINT...that would be a hell of a coincidence to have two of the same complaint, by two different people named the same thing but spelled slightly differently, don't you think??? If it proves to e the same kid, there will be a good case.

I've teamed up with another parent- HER child was beaten UNCONSCIOUS in the gym, during school, with the teacher in the room!!! No one did anything. He ended up with a severe concussion and a permanent brain injury.

Here's some links:
commercial the local stations refused to air.
I was on the news (fat blonde chick)

We had a press conference today, to get these stories out, and oppose the upcoming school levy. They are asking for 1.3 million on top of the more than 60 million they already get....it costs more per year to run our school system than it does our entire city.

And there's lots more!!


****Aimee****
www.aimeefleckart.blogspot.com
Certified Disney Vacation Planner

Nicole in TX
The Peas did what we do and went insane over it

PeaNut 16,696
June 2001
Posts: 19,213
Layouts: 65
Loc: Not so obvious

Posted: 10/9/2012 5:13:21 PM
Aren't you in PA? Your school is required by law to have an anti-bullying program.

I have to have the board policy in my classroom and we have anti-bullying meetings twice a month district wide.



AimeeInOhio
Artsy-Fartsy Disney Nerd

PeaNut 139,268
March 2004
Posts: 6,559
Layouts: 73
Loc: Lima, Ohio

Posted: 10/9/2012 5:15:51 PM
Policies and programs dont mean much when they aren't enforced....


****Aimee****
www.aimeefleckart.blogspot.com
Certified Disney Vacation Planner

jodster70
To the right, To the right

PeaNut 51,257
October 2002
Posts: 6,307
Layouts: 28
Loc: Usually NSBR, an un"pea"dictable place :)

Posted: 10/9/2012 6:00:19 PM
Bully, a documentary directed by Sundance and Emmy-award winning filmmaker, Lee Hirsch, should be required watching for every student & parent IMO.

Not only does it show the heartbreak of a real family affected from a suicide caused by bullying, it also follows a real student through a school year as he is being bullied IRL.

Here's the trailer.


**Jody**

"The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government -- lest it come to dominate our lives and interests."
Patrick Henry

luvmythree
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 223,222
September 2005
Posts: 2,894
Layouts: 47
Loc: Kansas

Posted: 10/9/2012 6:27:20 PM
That is so sad there is anti bullying policy in our district. Unfortunately there was a school shooting there back in the 80's but it opened the eyes of the Admin.

I hope something is done for your district soon.

There was a suicide at one of the Catholic schools last week due to bullying. It's so so sad.


Kirsten mom to~
Alexandria 20
Ethan 10
Owen 8 CFC syndrome,cp 29.5 wk preemie
Expecting my first grandbaby May 2013!
Uploaded with iPhone client

chinadollmom
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 86,946
May 2003
Posts: 2,731
Layouts: 135

Posted: 10/9/2012 6:44:58 PM

How can bullying be addressed??


There is some serious research being done on bullying. Here's one site with some resources:
Committee for Children

This page mentions (and I have heard elsewhere) that teaching kids to not be bystanders is very important. If bystanders step in and the bully doesn't get the social pay-off they're expecting, it's supposed to make a big difference.

Stories like the one in the OP just break my heart.


Lori

My Blog

Christine58
pea'rific teacher Union President

PeaNut 164,125
August 2004
Posts: 23,833
Layouts: 0
Loc: Western NY

Posted: 10/9/2012 6:50:11 PM
All states need this. Ours does and I've seen it work already this year. I also agree we need to empower those being bullied.


Dignity for all students act



Some people only dream of angels, I have held one in my arms.





cmpeter
PEAceful Pea

PeaNut 14,521
April 2001
Posts: 37,572
Layouts: 31
Loc: Washington State

Posted: 10/9/2012 7:06:14 PM
We just graduated out of our elementary school. But, my dd was bullied a lot...5th grade was torture for her. She would play with the Kindergartners at recess or spend recess in the library to avoid being bullied. It got much better in 6th grade in a large part due to her teacher who didn't put up with bullying in any shape or form and had monthly challenges for the kids to build confidence and empathy. Dd is in 7th grade a small school (90 kids) and thriving there.

The elementary school adopted Rachel's Challenge right before we left. They are implementing it this year.


Rachel's Challenge is a series of student empowering programs and strategies that equip students and adults to combat bullying and ally feelings of isolation and despair by creating a culture of kindness and compassion. The programs are based on the writings and life of 17 year-old Rachel Scott who was the first student killed at Columbine High School in 1999.




Cindi

freecharlie
What happens in NSBR, stays in NSBR

PeaNut 109,127
September 2003
Posts: 22,066
Layouts: 4
Loc: Colorado

Posted: 10/9/2012 7:37:20 PM
I haven't read the whole thread yet because I got here and had to comment.

I also think it is time to toughen up our kids a bit too. Maybe we have some of the blame by never letting our kids feel like they are less than perfect - or that they have to BE perfect. I know every circumstance is unique and there is no one answer, but I have witnessed it so many times thought the years where "everyone wins" or everyone has to be rewarded the same.

Life isn't fair. There are mean people out there (generally very insecure) who will want to torment you. You MUST be able to blow them off and go on. If there is physical harm - get some help, but we need to teach our children how to deal with failure, mean people, and real life.

Some of the anti-bullying formats I am seeing are starting to look like if you say anything negative to someone you are a bully and will be reprimanded. That is going overboard.

Bullying isn't a child problem. A child can't stop being bullied by toughening up and ignoring. Adults can do that, a child shouldn't have to. This isn't a case of one comment about hair. Bullying occurs over a length of time and typically progresses in intensity.

I completely disagree that if you make a negative comment about someone that it is going overboard to be reprimanded. I wonder where you draw the line. One comment, two, ten, a hundred? Does it matter the viciousness of the comment? Does it matter if the child is special needs, had a parent recently die, parents divorced, is abused..

It might be one comment by one student and another by a second. It adds up.

This isn't a problem that is solved by a child.


Tribbey: I believe, as long as Justice Dreifort is intolerant toward gays, lesbians, blacks, unions, women, poor people, and the first, fourth, fifth, and ninth amendments, I will remain intolerant toward him! [to Ainsley] Nice meeting you

freecharlie
What happens in NSBR, stays in NSBR

PeaNut 109,127
September 2003
Posts: 22,066
Layouts: 4
Loc: Colorado

Posted: 10/9/2012 7:49:18 PM

agree with this but the firs thing is the ADULTS need to not punish the tattler, take them seriously and NOT then punish the victim who stands up for themselves.

I agree with this.

DS was being bullied a little at the beginning of the year. I emailed the principal and the councelor and they puleld DS in the next day to talk to him. That school has a no tolerance policy and I love it. The elemtentary is a little wishy-washy, but I am pretty sure I made my point last year when I told them my next step wasn't the school boared, but the state department of education.


I really think the book Thirteen Reasons Why should be required reading. It is graphic in parts, but it shows that each action has a consequence and while the thing you did may not seem huge to you, it may be the thing that was added on and broke the person.


Tribbey: I believe, as long as Justice Dreifort is intolerant toward gays, lesbians, blacks, unions, women, poor people, and the first, fourth, fifth, and ninth amendments, I will remain intolerant toward him! [to Ainsley] Nice meeting you

melanell
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 26,836
January 2002
Posts: 19,090
Layouts: 86

Posted: 10/9/2012 8:46:29 PM
This article was floating around on my FB page last week, and it's the last part that we need to drill into our kids' heads from an early age ( As early as is appropriate, of course. I'm not suggesting this as a chat with your 3 year old or something. ).

http://thetimes-tribune.com/opinion/editorials-columns/guest-columnists/you-are-never-alone-1.1380751

Any time they hear a story about suicide, or read an article, we need to be there with that reminder.

We need to let them know that someone does need them and want them...we do.


It may not always be enough, but it's certainly a start, and one that any parent can do.

Lmz1234
AncestralPea

PeaNut 81,972
April 2003
Posts: 4,274
Layouts: 0

Posted: 10/9/2012 8:55:31 PM
That is just beyond heartbreaking. I can't even imagine what her family is going through.


********

"Remember to play after every storm"
-Mattie Stepanek

Lisa

cubfan1970
PeaNut

PeaNut 87,836
May 2003
Posts: 188
Layouts: 1
Loc: McHenry, IL

Posted: 10/9/2012 9:10:29 PM
So sad. I know at my DD's middle school they brought in the Mom of Megan Meier the girl who killed herself over cyber bullying to talk.

It had quite an impact on her and her friends. She still talks about it today. One of her BFF's was routinely bullied by some girls in elementary school. My DD has become somewhat of a protector for her.




Uploaded with iPhone client
1 2 >
Show/Hide Icons . Show/Hide Signatures
Hide
{{ title }}
{{ icon }}
{{ body }}
{{ footer }}