Who is responsible and how far would you take it?

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Posted 11/15/2012 by happytobemom in NSBR Board
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happytobemom
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Posted: 11/15/2012 9:38:01 AM
3 weeks ago, my teenage son asked to borrow my suv to take a load of his friends to a farm that has hayrides, pumpkins tosses, homecooked meals etc. I let him.

4 days later, I smelled something. I discovered an upended jug of apple cider (sealed but a burst seam on the side of the jug) that was almost empty in the very back of the suv. It was my son's best friend who had bought it to bring home and left it in my vehicle. I immediately took it to a detail place and they took up the carpet and the cider had fermented, tuned to vinegar (we had a heat wave come through) and molded.

Long story short--it was a $500 clean up with all the carpet padding having to be replaced.

My son told his friend about what happened and how much it cost. Friend said "I'll pay 1/2" until he found out how expensive it was. I also spoke with the mom and she appologized but didnt offer any $.

I am irritated to no end about shouldering the cost.....I am also mad the boy has never appologized to me for the expense and also the inconvenience of me not having a car for a week while it was being cleaned.

As a side note....my son asked this kid for rides home from practice that week as we were limping along without a vehicle, and the kid said "I can't--it is out of my way".

Sooooo how would you handle this?

AthenainCA
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Posted: 11/15/2012 9:41:13 AM
A jug of apple cider was accidentally left in your car?

I'd just suck it up. There was no purposeful damage. It was an accident.

Sometimes things just happen.

Luvnlifelady
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Posted: 11/15/2012 9:43:03 AM
I would be distancing myself from the friend. You could just ask for them to pay something towards it, but it may not work. Unfortunately, these things happen and I would just make it a learning experience for your son.

$500 is a lot of money, so I would probably ask nicely if they could pitch in, but if not, you'll just have to let it go.



Fairlyoddparent
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Posted: 11/15/2012 9:44:14 AM
Yeah, unfortunately, I think you just have to suck it up too.

That stinks....literally!

One time I left a gallon of milk in my trunk unknowingly. It exploded and smelled awful. After a lot of cleaning and it still smelled, I bought dryer sheets and lined my trunk with them. It really helped my car smell better. Eventually, the smell disappated.




pheestand
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Posted: 11/15/2012 9:45:38 AM
Probably not the "popular" answer here, but I'd say it's done and over with. There was no intent to damage or ruin the carpet in the vehicle- it was an honest mistake/accident. I would be happy to have the moldy, fermented carpet replaced and have a car that smells fresh again.

It's also unfortunate that the friend wasn't able to help with the shuffling around from practice while you were without a vehicle.

I know I personally would not have responded in that manner if it were my son/daughter who had left the cider, but that's my individual choice. We are all blessed with the ability to make decisions based on our own values, as we have the ability to choose who we want to be friends with or not, and how much value we want to give those relationships.

BudgetMama
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 11/15/2012 9:48:09 AM
I would take a copy of the bill over to the parents and explain very sweetly that while you DO understand there are accidents, the depth of damage from the cider into the carpet was extensive and you would appreciate it if they would work together with their son to come to some arrangement for partial or full payment of the damages that his actions caused. Don't tell them how much to pay, simply graciously give them the opportunity to do the right thing. Hand them the bill, explain yourself, tell them you look forward to hearing from them, and go. (don't wait for an answer, give them time)

as for him not giving your son a ride, maybe he's not allowed to? But still, that stinks! I would take the opportunity to talk to your son about what it is to be a good friend to someone.

peapermint
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Posted: 11/15/2012 9:48:26 AM
I'd just let it go. Really the only thing the guy did was forget the cider. That it leaked was just random as was that no one noticed it for four days.

Not to Monday-morning quarter back, but I can't help wondering if there was a cheaper way to address the smell/damage. If the SUV is realty fancy maybe not lend it out.

I'm sorry


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not2peased
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Posted: 11/15/2012 9:48:38 AM
I would consider it an unfortunate accident

ultimately, it was your son who was responsible for the car and everyone in it


-Kerry


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PierKiss
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Posted: 11/15/2012 9:53:38 AM
I would probably just suck it up.

But, your sons "best friend" sounds like an ass. Really, he can't be bothered to give your son a ride knowing that you all don't have a car because of his stupid mistake?



BrinaG
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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:02:05 AM

I'd just suck it up. There was no purposeful damage. It was an accident.



This. It was an accident. Things happen.

TheOtherMeg
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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:04:47 AM

I would probably just suck it up.

But, your sons "best friend" sounds like an ass. Really, he can't be bothered to give your son a ride knowing that you all don't have a car because of his stupid mistake?

What she said. "Friend" is definitely an ass.



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mikklynn
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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:06:10 AM
These things happen. I wouldn't be too hard on the friend, he's a kid who probably does feel really badly.

Sorry, but I think it's your responsibility as it was an accident.


Lynn



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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:12:30 AM
What in the *hell* happened to just looking at things as unfortunate accidents?

When did it become the norm to expect people to reimburse you for every little thing that goes wrong?

You know who *I* think is responsible? You. You lent your son your vehicle, thereby turning over something of value to him for responsibility. A kid left something behind in a car...no one planted a bomb in it or walked down the side of it with a key.

I honestly think there needs to be *intent* for there to be an expected reimbursement.

And honestly, if you want me to pay *half* of your bill, then come to me before you accrue the expense...so I can have some say in where, when and how much.

I'm sorry. Thread after thread after thread of people thinking there should be a monetary payback for every little thing life throws at you has me feeling a little perturby.




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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:14:20 AM
I'll just say ditto to KikiNichole.

look4angel
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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:18:57 AM
Sorry but you loaned YOUR CAR to YOUR SON, anything that happened to that car while it was in his possession was his responsibility.

Having said that I know that is sucks, but that's just part of being a parent. I don't think either of them (your son or his friend) did anything intentionally so it's an accident, plain and simple. Not much different in my opinion as the post recently where a poster posted about another child breaking her tv, with a Wii controller. Accident, no one plans these things, or did it spitefully.


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StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:18:59 AM
You are responsible. It was a mistake. After this clean up if I were you, I wouldn't be lending your vehicle to your teenager anytime soon. I wouldn't expect to get any money from the friend or his parents.

not2peased
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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:25:37 AM
this reminded me of something really, really gross that I did. dont read on if you are squeamish......


I went grocery shopping and bought several whole chickens because they were on sale. when I got home, I thought one was missing but just chalked it up to a mistake on my part.

about a week later my car started to smell. really, really, really smell. I looked everywhere for the source and couldnt find it. fast forward a few days and it was unbearable. it was literally like a dead body.

I finally tore my car apart and found a whole chicken-it had gotten wedged in my trunk where the spare tire goes. I had searched the trunk several times and never saw it.

I had to sell the car

boy did I feel like a completely disgusting loser after that episode


-Kerry


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keriwestpartdeux
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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:26:56 AM
Of course, it would be nice if the parents offered to help with the expense of cleaning up the damage. Unfortunately though, shit happens and you just have to handle it.



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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:28:50 AM
Unfortunately, I think it's you and your son's responsibility. If it was left in there long enough to ferment and mold, it was in there for quite awhile.



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kellybelly77
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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:29:55 AM
Am I the only one having deja vu? I swear I read this thread like 3 weeks ago.....

Oh, and I am sitting on the bench with Kiki.


Kelly

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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:31:21 AM
I think it falls on you or your son. If it was an accident, it was merely an accident. However, borrowing your car and NOT doing a quick clean/once over/gas up before handing the keys back over... to me is really where the problem lies.

I am sorry this happened to you!!!



gajitldy
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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:39:30 AM
Ditto KIKI....perfectly stated. I wonder if OP would be so quick to fork over $500 if her son forgot the darn jug of juice??

I say suck it up.


Diane



sandra helen
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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:41:53 AM
In our household when the kids have the friends involved, any responsibility is on our kids. So in this case it would have been up to your son to make sure all of his friends belongings were removed from the SUV,therefore the remaining apple cider would be your sons fault. I would have my son help with the expenses of the clean up,and chalk it up to a lesson learned.


PSILUVU
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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:42:35 AM

What in the *hell* happened to just looking at things as unfortunate accidents?

When did it become the norm to expect people to reimburse you for every little thing that goes wrong?

You know who *I* think is responsible? You. You lent your son your vehicle, thereby turning over something of value to him for responsibility. A kid left something behind in a car...no one planted a bomb in it or walked down the side of it with a key.

I honestly think there needs to be *intent* for there to be an expected reimbursement.

And honestly, if you want me to pay *half* of your bill, then come to me before you accrue the expense...so I can have some say in where, when and how much.

I'm sorry. Thread after thread after thread of people thinking there should be a monetary payback for every little thing life throws at you has me feeling a little perturby.


Exactly that. I am so glad I have no pea like friends in real life but friends, heck even acquaintances who realize $hit happens


Kelli


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Luvspaper
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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:47:33 AM
Sitting on Kiki's bench.

Darcy_Collins
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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:49:21 AM
I am shocked that nobody has pointed out the true culprit. The evil corporation that sold a defective container. I suggest engaging an attorney and sueing them for the damages.

megmc
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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:54:41 AM
Am I the only one who would have made their child clean it up instead of taking it to a detail place?





tlc0963
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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:55:45 AM

When did it become the norm to expect people to reimburse you for every little thing that goes wrong?


At about the same time that a liberal majority thought it should be the norm that everyone in this country should be responsible for every little thing that goes wrong or every little expense that someone else has - hmmm everyone's responsibility EXCEPT that person(s).

Once you start telling people that they should be entitled, they begin to BELIEVE they are entitled and then they out right DEMAND entitlement. It's the trickle down economics that the majority wanted and felt that was fair. Well, until, it's being demanded of you. Then it's . . .


When did it become the norm to expect people to reimburse you for every little thing that goes wrong?



TLC

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Posted: 11/15/2012 10:59:43 AM

As a side note....my son asked this kid for rides home from practice that week as we were limping along without a vehicle, and the kid said "I can't--it is out of my way".



That would piss me off so bad I would demand the money.


I would take a copy of the bill over to the parents and explain very sweetly that while you DO understand there are accidents, the depth of damage from the cider into the carpet was extensive and you would appreciate it if they would work together with their son to come to some arrangement for partial or full payment of the damages that his actions caused. Don't tell them how much to pay, simply graciously give them the opportunity to do the right thing. Hand them the bill, explain yourself, tell them you look forward to hearing from them, and go. (don't wait for an answer, give them time)



I like this idea.




LonghornMom
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Posted: 11/15/2012 11:04:37 AM
I agree mostly with KikiNicole in that people are going overboard these days regarding repayment for accidents.

That being said, I think it's also a reflection on this kid and really his parents, that they aren't offering something to help. Yes, accidents happen. But what about personal responsibility? If that kid broke a window of your neighbor's house while playing with your son and your son's bat and balls, would you feel like the neighbor should shoulder all of the expense? Or should your son to the exclusion of his friend?

Accidents suck, but the parents of that kid should be teaching him to try to take responsibility for his actions. And the kid who drove the car should also shoulder some of that responsibility.
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Posted: 11/15/2012 11:08:32 AM
$500 wow that is crazy.


~Erica~







dizzypea
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Posted: 11/15/2012 11:20:47 AM

What in the *hell* happened to just looking at things as unfortunate accidents?

When did it become the norm to expect people to reimburse you for every little thing that goes wrong?

You know who *I* think is responsible? You. You lent your son your vehicle, thereby turning over something of value to him for responsibility. A kid left something behind in a car...no one planted a bomb in it or walked down the side of it with a key.

I honestly think there needs to be *intent* for there to be an expected reimbursement.

And honestly, if you want me to pay *half* of your bill, then come to me before you accrue the expense...so I can have some say in where, when and how much.

I'm sorry. Thread after thread after thread of people thinking there should be a monetary payback for every little thing life throws at you has me feeling a little perturby.



Ditto!



jennifw
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Posted: 11/15/2012 11:37:43 AM

Am I the only one having deja vu? I swear I read this thread like 3 weeks ago.....

Oh, and I am sitting on the bench with Kiki.


Ditto on both points.

jen1021
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Posted: 11/15/2012 11:51:53 AM
Would you be this upset had the kid's parents toted your son to and from practices? To me, that little action would go a long way in me getting over the lost $500. I agree that accidents do happen but an apology is in order.


Jen




KikiNichole

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Posted: 11/15/2012 12:09:23 PM

When did it become the norm to expect people to reimburse you for every little thing that goes wrong?



At about the same time that a liberal majority thought it should be the norm that everyone in this country should be responsible for every little thing that goes wrong or every little expense that someone else has - hmmm everyone's responsibility EXCEPT that person(s).

Once you start telling people that they should be entitled, they begin to BELIEVE they are entitled and then they out right DEMAND entitlement. It's the trickle down economics that the majority wanted and felt that was fair. Well, until, it's being demanded of you. Then it's . . .


Oh, you're right.

Liberals expect people to pay for EVERYTHING that happens in our lives.

Pardon me if I'm too busy hoping that sick people shouldn't die because they're poor; that believing if the government is of the people, by the people and for the people, it needs to include ALL people and that human rights are worthy of sacrifice to give two shits about the apple cider that spilled in your damn SUV or the precious flat screen television that was cracked by a flying Wii remote control.

Don't confuse compassion with personal responsibility. And don't think you can't have both.

This had nothing to do with politics whatsoever...and I shouldn't have even taken the bait to reply. But seriously. These kind of blanket, ignorant statement annoy that crap out of me.


~Kristen~

mamato1
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Posted: 11/15/2012 12:17:58 PM
If it were my child, I'd insist we split the cost with you.

If it happened to me, I wouldn't mention it to you. It's an accident. It was no one's fault. The boy wasn't negligent with the cider, he made a mistake. Whether or not he's a good friend to your son is different.


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Posted: 11/15/2012 12:21:59 PM
I would not have said anything to anyone, I would just deal with it.



BEF2008
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Posted: 11/15/2012 12:24:49 PM
OP, why did you repost this?

ETA. Nvm. I'll answer my own question. She originally posted it in the middle of another thread (the one about asking for reimbursement from a family member for $400 worth of dishes). I guess she wanted her own discussion about this, not within the other thread.

not2peased
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Posted: 11/15/2012 12:25:25 PM

Liberals expect people to pay for EVERYTHING that happens in our lives.




this liberal doesn't expect that

way to paint a whole bunch of people with a broad brush


-Kerry


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KikiNichole

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Posted: 11/15/2012 12:27:16 PM
Kerry. That was sarcasm. Responding to tlc's 'oh it's the liberals fault' post.


~Kristen~

Chlerbie
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Posted: 11/15/2012 12:34:41 PM

At about the same time that a liberal majority thought it should be the norm that everyone in this country should be responsible for every little thing that goes wrong or every little expense that someone else has


Wow...generalize much? (And quite incorrectly, I might add.) I'm not sure why politics were brought into this AT ALL.


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Posted: 11/15/2012 12:37:06 PM
I think that when you discovered it, you should have had your son and his friend do the cleaning.

Seriously...$500 to clean it up?? I had someone throw up in the back seat of my car and it went down the side and got under the seat. It was disgusting, but I cleaned it myself. I honestly think you paid too much and if I were the other parent, there is no way I would be forking over that much money. If you asked my kid to clean it, then yeah..I wouldn't have a problem with that.


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Posted: 11/15/2012 12:38:00 PM

OP, why did you repost this?



And she's not even participating in the dicussion.




EmilyDionne
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Posted: 11/15/2012 12:46:47 PM
The $ 500 dollar totally sucks but if you want to talk liability here: no way. It is just a situation of "it sucks to be you" at this time like another thread her about a Wii thing through a $ 2500 tv.
There is not intentional harm done and the parents are not liable for their sons mistakes.

I would consider the offer to pay from the boy an apology and maybe they can wash your car to show it? But other than that: try to shrug it off. Next time we will have to give you tips how to clean out your car and save you the money.


recap.pea
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Posted: 11/15/2012 12:55:50 PM
It was an accident and really your son is just as much at fault as his friend...since he borrowed the car and knew the friend had cider, he should have made sure the car was cleaned out when he was done.

I do think the friend should apologize but I also think you just have to deal with it as far as the expense is concerned


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not2peased
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Posted: 11/15/2012 12:58:15 PM
kiki-I know your comment was sarcasm, I was responding to tlc-was she being sarcastic also?

color me confused

<edited to add> I just realized I quoted you not tlc like I meant to


-Kerry


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peapermint
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Posted: 11/15/2012 12:58:53 PM
Sue the maker of the cider bottle!


(kidding; kidding)

KikiNichole

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Posted: 11/15/2012 1:00:16 PM
Ooops. Sorry, Kerry. Your quote belonged to me, so I thought you were referring to me.

And yeah. Unfortunately, I think tlc was being drop dead serious.


~Kristen~

melanell
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Posted: 11/15/2012 1:09:17 PM
No one is responsible. It just happened.

Sometimes in life crap just happens. There doesn't always need to be someone to take the blame.

It happened. No one noticed. It sucks. I'd be grateful I was able to pay for it to be corrected and move on. I wouldn't take it anywhere. I likely would have never even mentioned it to the kid.

I would, however, have my son make sure my car was completely cleaned out and just as it was when I handed over the keys any time I allowed him to borrow it in the future, just as a precaution.

mdoc
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Posted: 11/15/2012 1:35:05 PM
I would suck up the cost of the detailing/carpet replacement. Sure, the kid left a jug of cider in the car, but I'm not sure it was HIS fault that the seam on the jug split. Kids forget things. Didn't whoever drove the car hear the jug bouncing around back there?

That said, this kid doesn't sound like much of a friend if he wasn't willing to give your son a ride when the car was being fixed due to the jug of cidar he left there. I would write the damage off as an unfortunate accident, but I'd be REALLY annoyed about the kid not giving your son rides.
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