Children and Holiday lists
Post ReplyPost New TopicPosted 11/24/2012 by adoette in NSBR Board
 

adoette
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Posted: 11/24/2012 11:10:25 PM
Both of my kids (11 DS and nearly 15DD) are not making lists this year. I can't get them to tell me what they want.

DD wants cash. My in laws took her out yesterday clothes shopping (I thought this was holiday browsing but they bought her clothes-a lot of clothes).

DS is currently at that awkward pre teen age. Seems harder for boys-fewer transitional steps in "stuff".

I am thinking it will be a very quiet holiday. If they really can't think of what they want then perhaps they really do have too much.

Anyone else struggle with this around the holidays.

freecharlie
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Posted: 11/24/2012 11:24:28 PM
One of my kids tried that last year. I told him he might not be getting anything then. I don't give my kids cash.


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Luvnlifelady
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Posted: 11/24/2012 11:27:58 PM
My kids are a similar age (12 yo DS and 15 yo DD). DD gave me a list, but she's into nail polish, music, etc. I did tell her there wouldn't be anything "big" but she did just get DH's 3rd time hand-me-down Iphone tonight.

DS hasn't submitted a list yet but he's into Legos still and some books, movies, music, video gear, needs a bike, etc.

ETA: I've thought about when they just ask for cash. I wouldn't go for it either. Too boring. I would give a bit of cash and the rest in some fun things and some things they need (new coat, etc.).

Good luck. It's hard when they are "between toys and boys" as I say about my DD.




GrinningCat
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Posted: 11/25/2012 6:16:26 AM
Can't you buy things based on their current likes? We don't do lists in our family, we always just find things we know the person will like based upon their likes.

And cash is awesome as a gift, it's popular in my family. Gives the person a chance to have the adventure of shopping. There are so many creative and fun ways to give it. Or make it a special shopping trip with lunch and all that. Fun times.

I don't think that refusing to have gifts under the tree because there was no list is very nice or Christmas like. I also do not think that not giving a list is indicative of having too much.

writermom1
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Posted: 11/25/2012 7:34:26 AM
Yes. DH is hard too. He tends to say "dump truck." That's cute honey but can we aim for something that isn't $42k?"

I've taken to making a note in my phone of any item they mention even in passing through the year. It helps to have my running "gift ideas" list.

The piles under the tree do grow smaller as they age it seems. I've always wanted piles of presents taking an hour to open. That's harder when one tech gift can cost what 10 toys would have



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Tuva42
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Posted: 11/25/2012 7:51:42 AM
14 yo DD was like that too, but during the 90 minute drive to Thanksgiving dinner I stuck her in the back seat with a stack of catalogs and a notepad. Suddenly, there was a long list.


Laurie

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Posted: 11/25/2012 7:56:20 AM
My DH refuses to give me any ideas for him for Christmas. He thinks a list takes all the surprise out of it. So... I do my best to pay attention to what he says and what he seems interested in when we're out and about. Some years he's easy to buy for, and some years I really struggle.

scoobers
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Posted: 11/25/2012 7:57:14 AM
DS 23 is doing the same thing this year. He keeps saying cash but we don't do cash for Christmas. He's going to get some practical gifts of things he needs.



scrappyinNE
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Posted: 11/25/2012 7:59:59 AM

I've taken to making a note in my phone of any item they mention even in passing through the year. It helps to have my running "gift ideas" list.


This is what I do also. DD is 12 and she doesn't have anything in particular that she really wants, so whenever she mentions little things I quickly put it on her list in my phone. She is still at the point where she would prefer more inexpensive things under the tree than fewer expensive things - she still likes the anticipation of opening things.

Maizie
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Posted: 11/25/2012 8:14:35 AM
I guess I would think more practical, experiences (classes, ski passes, musical, play, concert, memberships) or hobby oriented.


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HippyPea
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Posted: 11/25/2012 9:09:58 AM
I have been having a heck of a time getting DD (almost 9) to write her list (aka letter to Santa) and she keeps putting it off and putting it off. She started one Friday but she didn't get very far.

I did put a TRU and a Target app on the iPad that she has added a few things to, and she's mentioned a few things, but I am going to try to get her to get that list done today.

She has started asking questions about Santa so I am trying to prepare myself for that, too.



~Amy~

deesquared
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Posted: 11/25/2012 9:48:13 AM
Maybe they would make a Pinterest board of things they would like?

I had my two kids (11 and 8 years old) and my husband make Pinterest boards of their Christmas wish lists. It has been very easy to shop for them, since I know exactly which sweater/doll/jigsaw they want, and how much it costs! I'm usually terrible at buying gifts, but this year has been great! I'm almost done already, which is unheard of.

My older daughter really enjoyed pinning things. My younger daughter needed a bit more assistance, but she pinned quite a few things too.

Pinterest has saved Christmas for me! YAY!

OSUBuckeyeFan
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Posted: 11/25/2012 9:51:37 AM
My DS is 8. He's decided he's going to ask Santa for a subscription to Xbox live, a long range Nerf gun and Call of Duty Black OPS 2 and WWE '13 for Xbox.




HippyPea
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Posted: 11/25/2012 9:58:05 AM

My DS is 8. He's decided he's going to ask Santa for a subscription to Xbox live, a long range Nerf gun and Call of Duty Black OPS 2 and WWE '13 for Xbox.

ha! That is exactly what is on DH's list!

(Although he already went out and bought himself COD:BO2, which is why I have a hard time buying for him, too!)



~Amy~

Nanner
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Posted: 11/25/2012 10:59:01 AM
I also keep a list on my phone throughout the year.

When DS was a teen and pre-teen, his favourite gifts were electronics or sports related (i.e. jerseys)

For DD, books was (and still is) her favourite gift.


Nancy


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Posted: 11/25/2012 11:35:35 AM
My son is 12 and asking for cash as well. I really don't mind but I want something for him to unwrap Christmas morning!

We have a rule that anytime he gets money, gift or otherwise, he has to put 10% of it in his savings account so I reminded him of that to see if that would deter his decision but he doesn't care. LOL

I found some money puzzle things on Amazon that looked like a fun way to give cash, so I might do some of it that way.

cmpeter
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Posted: 11/25/2012 11:41:50 AM
Mine are almost 17 and 12 and still make me a list.

ETA - my older one would like cash. He tried that last year. But, I don't like giving him cash either. Our compromise was to have his sister give him cash. She doesn't mind and loved coming up with a fun way to give it ($50 in ones taped end to end and put in a tissue box.) We give him an assortment of gift cards for local places to go to lunch when he eats off campus.


Cindi

myboysnme
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Posted: 11/25/2012 11:56:59 AM
It's hard to make a list. I have several specific and small things I want, but by the time I explain them it's not even like a gift.

I think for teens it is more fun to take a Visa gift card to the mall to shop with friends than to explain exactly what they want.

I would buy some things like fun socks and bath/body works stuff and put a gift card in it for after Christmas shopping. Let them get what they want.

My son wants very specific shoes. One year I bought a similar but cheaper pair, and he never wore them.

I do think many people, my family included, have way too much stuff. It is a good time to cut down. But I have one son who wants a laptop, and one who wants a pair of shoes. I have to find a way to fill in that gap, so a gift card is a great option.


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eebud
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Posted: 11/25/2012 12:08:41 PM

Yes. DH is hard too. He tends to say "dump truck." That's cute honey but can we aim for something that isn't $42k?"

One year, every time I would ask DSS what he wanted for Christmas, all he would say is a Black Lexus. Lexus was new at the time. Not only would we not be buying a Lexus, but DSS was years away from driving age at the time. I found a Black Lexus Hot Wheels car and gave it to him for Christmas. We still laugh about that gift. Of course, we found other gifts for him but that one was so funny!





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writermom1
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Posted: 11/25/2012 2:35:03 PM
I used to resist cash thinking "how fun is that?" I think we are coming at it from the perspective if adults who make purchasing decisions every day - even if its just a matter of which brand of milk or bread to buy.

Kids/teens with limited earning power really enjoy the anticipation and power of having money to spend as they wish.



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Posted: 11/25/2012 3:48:48 PM
My 20 year old son just handed me his list as he was walking out the door. He is heading back to college this afternoon and I mentioned to him that I needed a Christmas list to him this morning. I am glad he listens to me once in awhile.


*Debbie*


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Monica D
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Posted: 11/25/2012 3:52:27 PM
It's so hard once they hit the pre-teen/teenage years. What about doing gift cards with something to go with it? Like movie tickets with candy/soda? My dd likes this pizza chain so I was thinking of getting her a GC with a t-shirt they sell. That way it's not just "Here's a gift card." I also like to peruse Target and Best Buy for movies or DVD sets.


-Monica


batya
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Posted: 11/25/2012 3:55:43 PM

Can't you buy things based on their current likes? We don't do lists in our family, we always just find things we know the person will like based upon their likes.


ITA. I never liked the list thing. Seems very materialistic and asky to me. (I just made up that word.)

I know my kids, I make note of what they've liked throughout the year and I've never gone wrong on major gifts for Chanukah, birthdays or just b/c. In fact, I discourage the make a list phenomenon b/c I don't like encouraging them to make a focus on things for celebrations.

They've gotten scooters, concert/Yankee game and broadway show tickets, GCs to their favorite stores-small local or chain, books they love, AG dolls and accessories, clothes to their tastes, personalized jewelry, DVDs of their favorite shows/movies, cameras/iPod. No one knows them better than DH and I so we never felt we had to ask. When friends/relatives ask, I give suggestions and they've always been pretty spot on. My kids are always appreciative of what they get even if it misses the mark a bit. And it's never the toy/electronic/game of the year. We don't buy into hype.

Otherwise, it's like a registry to me. Give me a list, I buy the item. Check.


OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.




TinaFB
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Posted: 11/25/2012 3:56:36 PM
I'm in the same boat. My 13 and 14 year old sons have no ideas. They've each told me one video game, but that's it. I'm at a loss too. I don't want to waste money just buying stuff, hoping they will like it. I've gotten them each some clothes, but that's kind of boring. I'll get some gift certificates to places they can walk to with their friends, like Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts, but beyond that, I have no idea. They're at a very strange age.


Tina


batya
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Posted: 11/25/2012 3:56:54 PM
Maybe some kids don't want to make a list b/c they want you to know them and surprise them?


OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.




TinaFB
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Posted: 11/25/2012 4:41:00 PM
I do know my kids. I'm sure they will be content with whatever I choose. My 13yo, in particular, isn't into having "stuff", but he does want to open things on Christmas morning. He knows that he's hard to shop for because there just isn't much that he wants. He's always been that way and I love it about him, but it sure as heck makes it hard to shop for the boy! I just want to be sure that they get what they want. We don't buy much throughout the year, so this is one chance for them to make those requests and know they have a good chance of being fulfilled. I want them to be happy.


Tina


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Posted: 11/25/2012 6:12:52 PM
14yo DS and 6yo DGD make a list. They ask for 3 things and won't ask for more because they don't want to seem greedy.
They do hope for more though.

28yo DD doesn't ask for anything. She knows I know her well enough to get her exactly what she loves.


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Posted: 11/25/2012 6:15:13 PM
My kids don't want any "big" thing this year, do they will get small things and lots to share. They're close in age so they'll play together.
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Ginger_64
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Posted: 11/25/2012 6:26:28 PM
My 16 year old ds is like that. He is VERY difficult to buy for. He has given me two items--two DS games.

What I have bought him so far are some clothes--three sweaters, a shirt and two scarves. We also bought each of the kids a kayak, but it's more of a family gift as we'll all use them. I plan on buying him a tea blending kit, a DVD and probably a few other things. One thing he's also asked for (just remembered this) is a lucid dreaming mask. He's gotten really into this idea of lucid dreaming. I have no idea whether this thing is worth anything and if I should actually spend the $$ on it. I'll have to start another post about that. It's not cheap--$90 for the cheaper verson and $250 for the more expensive one!

Now my 13 year old dd is SUPER easy. She has a million interests or likes. I can easily get lists from her, as well as figure out lots of things on my own. So far I have purchased for her:
*clothes from Kohls and American Eagle
*boots
*charm bracelet
*bath stuff from BBW
*headphones
*board game (Telestrations)
*PJs
*hat
*book called Zombies vs. Unicorns (She loves both of these things and will be AMAZED that I found this book. Not only that, it's an anthology of stories and one is by Carrie Ryan, the author of the Forest of Hands and Teeth trilogy, which she loved. I'm buying it from a bookstore local to Carrie and she is (supposedly) going to go in and autograph it for her. I'm excited about this one)
*kayak

Other great ideas for her are a couple pc games she wants; band merch (posters, wall calendar, t-shirts, guitar pick necklace) from her favorite band which she is obsessed with); make-up; all kinds of jewelry; books; CDs/digital music; DVDs, nail polish; locking diary; art supplies; jigsaw puzzles; case for ipod touch. I could go on...

adoette
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Posted: 11/25/2012 10:38:56 PM
Glad i am not alone. I do know my kids but currently their likes are very esoteric and don't fit into easily defined gift categories. The biggest reason I need a list is the obnoxious number of people who buy for them. We are lucky to have such a generous family but it makes it challenging to point them in a direction when the stuff they want is from England. DD really does want cash for a specific reason (summer away). And it makes me realize how much my kids have. I suppose there might be some guilt involved as we created it sort of. Thanks for the different prespetives. Best thing about this place.

shirt
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Posted: 11/26/2012 12:39:31 AM
I am trying to pin down my teen DDs for their lists. They keep saying they are going to give them to me.

My girls are not typical teen girls who like clothes, shoes, jewelry, make up, etc. sometimes they want stuff that I have to get off eBay from Japan. If that's what they want so I need to know now

I took oldest shopping last night. She ended up picking out quite a few things. I got most of it today except for the links to the books on Amazon she was supposed to send to me.

I am getting them a few gift cards iTunes, Caribou Coffee, and Taco Bell. I also picked up a couple of sketch books for them.


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3kidmama
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Posted: 11/26/2012 9:51:33 AM
Our girls are now 17,19 and 21. We don't do lists either. Instead, we quietly discuss and brainstorm with each other what each one would like. For us, that's what makes it so special. We work at knowing each other's needs, likes/dislikes, and interests.

This year we began raising our 14yo nephew who's parents are divorced and dealing with addictions. We were kind of taken aback when this summer, he informed his parents of what he wanted for his upcoming birthday. They gave it ALL to him! It broke my heart - parents who are so disconnected from their son they have no idea of his interests or needs, so they spend large amounts of $$ buying "stuff" for their son. I'm certain he would trade it all in a heartbeat to even get one weekly phone call from a parent checking in to see how he was doing.

There is something so wonderful about receiving and giving a gift (whatever it is) that you know the giver put a lot of thought and love put into choosing for you! For our family, Christmas is celebrating the significance of God's gift to mankind with the birth of Christ and our giving of gifts to each other reflect THAT most Precious of Gifts.

In our home, making "I want" lists would feel like the sacredness of Christmas was being turned into a gift grab. But that's our family.


grakka
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Posted: 11/26/2012 9:54:14 AM
My daughter is 19 and never,ever has she liked making a list. If she does I might be lucky if there is 5 things wrote down, but I just pay attention and know what she likes so I go from there. But she has thrown me off with some of the things she has asked for esp. when she was little once she wanted a fishing pole(a real one with real bait) she was like 7 and then once she ask for a ladybug umbrella lucky Santa came thru for us!

SareBear
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Posted: 11/26/2012 11:04:21 AM
My MIL gets herself in a frenzy each year when the grandkids don't send lists on time - of course, she does start asking for them in August. Her sons are asked too, but she gets all in a twit with the kids' lists each year - especially as the kids get older. This year it has almost taken the fun out of it - she checked her email and text messages 20x a day over Thanksgiving because 2 kids "promised to send lists" and didn't and then she started calling her sons (the kids' parents) to get the lists. I get trying to plan, I really do, but I told her, if they aren't giving you a list, then how about taking them up on it? Meaning give them small things and things you think they may like but don't obsess and stop making yourself sick over it. Myself included - I didn't give her a list either (I really really don't need anything) and when we were out doing a little shopping, if we touched anything or picked anything up, she came behind us and put it in her cart! I finally said please don't give us cleaning supplies for Xmas - lol - these are just because we are at Target and I need these anyway It takes the fun out of it when that happens!

I just hate seeing her so stressed over it and hearing her say "I just wish Christmas was over because nobody's giving me a list and I just don't know what to buy people." It makes me sad.


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2boysandwill
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Posted: 11/26/2012 12:12:20 PM
DS's 10 and 16 needed to come back to reality.

1. they asked for waaaay expensive gifts.
2. BECAUSE they set their sights to high, they overlooked the fun, smaller gifts they would actually enjoy (like a jersey from their fav team) etc

I think I can swing ds 10 but my 16 is defenitely going to be a challenge. he is not getting cash either.

batya
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Posted: 11/26/2012 12:13:44 PM

He knows that he's hard to shop for because there just isn't much that he wants. He's always been that way and I love it about him, but it sure as heck makes it hard to shop for the boy!


I hear you.


OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.




2boysandwill
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Posted: 11/26/2012 12:21:49 PM

I never liked the list thing. Seems very materialistic and asky to me. (I just made up that word.)


we do lists because the kids have always done letters to santa...the 16 yo however will probably laugh the whole way through this year. but I agree in not giving them exactly what they want

Kelpea
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Posted: 11/26/2012 12:31:23 PM

I used to resist cash thinking "how fun is that?" I think we are coming at it from the perspective if adults who make purchasing decisions every day - even if its just a matter of which brand of milk or bread to buy.

Kids/teens with limited earning power really enjoy the anticipation and power of having money to spend as they wish.



Everyone has a different opinion about the cash thing. The way I look at it is that my kids don't work yet. (DD, 15, does, but it's sporadic babysitting...) They could really use the money for their "mad" money choices, so I have no problem with giving them a little cash. But, like several posters have written here, I also have been listening more and purchased a few little things here and there based upon that. I do know my daughter would love to spend $40 on a bra, and I refuse to do so. So, when Aerie bras were on sale for Black Friday online, I got her four bras for $37, shipped. She also wanted boots, so I get her some on Black Friday as well online.

My FIL does the cutest thing, too: he gives both kids a "wad of $1 bills that equals $50." My son in particular LOVES that tradition, lol.

So, please understand that sometimes it's okay to give kids cash; especially when they don't work. It gives them a little more freedom to spend what they want on when they want.



batya
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Posted: 11/26/2012 12:31:46 PM
It's probably part of the Christmas culture and I don't get it. I'm willing to own that and it's not a judgment on anyone. I hope it didn't come off that way.


OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.




Kelpea
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Posted: 11/26/2012 12:49:19 PM
Gosh, no, Batya! It's just something I've done for my kids the last couple of years or so...



Captain K
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Posted: 11/26/2012 12:53:16 PM

So, when Aerie bras were on sale for Black Friday online, I got her four bras for $37, shipped.


PLEASE tell me you aren't giving your daughter bras wrapped under the tree!! Please tell me you're just going to give her the box when it comes and say "Surprise!"

batya
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Loc: up on my high horse

Posted: 11/26/2012 12:53:19 PM
I'm talking about the lists. Not the cash. I actually have no problem with giving cash gifts.


OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.




momocarly
PeaAddict

PeaNut 169,727
September 2004
Posts: 1,888
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Loc: Houston, TX

Posted: 11/26/2012 12:56:11 PM
Mine! Ds 13 and dd15 are the same way this year.

Ds finally send me a list of links: $345 fishing reel, $99 fishing pole, tackle box, $200 Bass Pro Shop gift card, Costa shirts and "happy surprises" I had to tell him to get a bit more realistic considering he fishes maybe 5 times a year.

Dd I handed the computer to her and told her to go on Wanelo (her current favorite) and send me some things she liked. Finally I got a list of reasonable things she wanted (and I ordered most of them on sale!). She has wanted a guitar for about 3 years so I finally decided to get it and got a great deal at Guitar Center.


Debbie
Mom of Carly (16) and Nathan (14)


melanell
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 26,836
January 2002
Posts: 18,602
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Posted: 11/26/2012 4:17:19 PM
My 9 year old has only written a list/letter once I think.

Otherwise I just buy what I know or think he would like.

Now, for kids I don't see often, I'm always asking their moms for a short list of ideas for them.

writermom1
Thrift Whisperer

PeaNut 114,407
November 2003
Posts: 22,729
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Loc: At the intersection of Hooterville and Stars Hollow

Posted: 11/26/2012 5:57:13 PM

his year it has almost taken the fun out of it - she checked her email and text messages 20x a day over Thanksgiving because 2 kids "promised to send lists" and didn't and then she started calling her sons (the kids' parents) to get the lists.


I understand your frustration. Is it possible that she is a BF shopper and needs their lists to shop the next day?

I'm really flexible as a recipient. It doesn't have to be perfect. I'm happy with most anything and rarely if ever return things. I actually hate to make lists myself and if asked what I want will freeze up. It feels so weird as an adult. Oddly (and hypocritically) as a gift giver I want to give you what you want in the style/color/whatever you wish. I don't want to spend money or time giving you a "WTH" gift that ends up the discussion on a message board on December 26

Just please don't be the relative who, in a gift exchange with a $25 limit, gives us gift ideas that cost 2x that. I don't think they do it on purpose, they just honestly have no clue. When I had to pass on wish list ideas for my kids when they were young, I always vetted the cost of the item first. A six year old doesn't realize they just asked for $100 item, but their parent should



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