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hilsmom
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 |  Posted: 11/25/2012 11:02:52 AM
and Christmas Eve, and I get Christmas morning and the week after. However, youngest DD is in school until the 21st, and he lives 80 miles away. I have offered him the 21 to the 25th at nine A.M., and an extra weekend (giving him 4 weekends in a row) to make up for it. He cannot seem to wrap his head around the fact that he won't actually get his whole week at one time! I am not willing to switch weeks with him entirely, either, because my father and S/O don't get home til Christmas afternoon, so she wouldn't get to see them at all. I have been MORE than willing to work with him on holidays previous to this, in spite of his lack of effort in working with me. I will also say that DD is very upset at having to go for a whole week at a time. She prefers the two day weekend. Surely someone else has had this problem? |
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*~*amanda*~*
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 | Posted: 11/25/2012 11:12:23 AM
How old is your daughter?
Did xdh live that far away when the agreement went through court or did he (or you) move afterward?
My xdh and I live in the same town so these issues haven't come up for us so not 100% sure how Id handle it, really! We are moving in the very near future and then it will be a big deal to us.
Our attorney has advised us to get a new court order for visitation for after we move because it will involve the kids being in different school districts at our house and at his. I would also strongly recommend doing a revamp of your agreement!
Anyway....your xdh wants the kids even though it would mean them missing school the week he has them or him driving them to school and back each day?
Honestly, if it comes right down to it and neither of you are willing to give then the police can be called and they will tell you to go by what the court has said, which to my understanding, is that xdh gets the kids the entire week before Christmas.
We have had to call the police about visitation issues and they say that since there is a court order that is law and they (the police) are required to uphold the law. Therefore, they will tell you to do what the court order says and if you don't then you are in violation of the law and they will take you to jail.
They have said that they don't always agree with it and can see that there should be exceptions but their hands are tied.
If it comes to that you will be required to let the kids go when the visitation order states. |
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Frazzled Mom
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 | Posted: 11/25/2012 11:23:49 AM
You need to get a new court order.
Much depends on the age of your child, but my attorney said the police may be called, but they aren't going to drag an unwilling teenager out of the house to a visitation. You have the legal responsibility of seeing that your child attends school. I can't imagine them enforcing a court order that includes truancy - unless your ex plans to drive back and forth to school all that week.
Definitely get your agreement revamped if you're concerned. |
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hilsmom
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 1:31:09 PM
She will be seven in December, so she is still young enough to be forced to go. He knew we would be moving while the agreement was being drawn up, however, neither of us knew that the school vacation schedule would be that late getting out for Christmas break. Surely he will be required to make sure she gets to school? I guess I will call his lawyer tomorrow and get her to explain it to him. Sad, but he won't budge if he thinks the idea to split his week is mine, even though I offered him more actual days. I even offered two extra weekends, and still he is adamant about getting a full week before Christmas day. He fully believes that she doesn't "have" to attend school if they fall on his visitation days! |
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Epeanymous
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 | Posted: 11/25/2012 1:33:31 PM
I suppose he has the alternative of taking her that week and driving 160 round trip miles every day for school? | |
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hilsmom
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 1:38:04 PM
That was the option I finally gave him, yes! And still, his "brightness" INSISTS on the previous week! |
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cycworker
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 | Posted: 11/25/2012 1:39:47 PM
Honestly? She's 7. I agree with your ex in this case. It won't hurt her to miss a few days of school to spend time with her dad right before Christmas. It's not as though the workload that week is heavy. It's no different than families who leave a few days early to go to on a vacation. Let the teacher know she's going on an early vacation with her dad, get her some homework, and obey the order. |
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voltagain
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 1:40:01 PM
He knew we would be moving
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
You are the one who moved. SO be prepared to have your lawyer tell you that you are the one who has to accomdate the ex and give up your week even if it means your dd misses seeing a grandparent (sorry but your SO isn't a factor at all in this)
Four week ends in a row is not the same as a full week. He has nothing to wrap his head around. |
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hilsmom
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 1:47:26 PM
So you all would honestly say that missing out on her education would be acceptable just so "dad" didn't miss his days? This is a man who has never done a single bit of Christmas shopping or prep for either of our kids, and who spent each and every holiday so completely drunk that he couldn't remember it the next day. |
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hilsmom
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 1:49:20 PM
Also, these weeks alternate every other year, so next year I would be splitting MY week. That was all understood ahead of time. And before ANY paperwork was signed in this divorce, I had already taken residence in my current county. He was FULLY aware that compromises would have to be made, as was I, but NOT school.
ETA:
You are the one who moved. SO be prepared to have your lawyer tell you that you are the one who has to accomdate the ex and give up your week even if it means your dd misses seeing a grandparent (sorry but your SO isn't a factor at all in this)
He won't accept the change in weeks either, because this is his year for Christmas Eve and first thing Christmas morning, so my "accomodating" him isn't an option. |
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*maureen*
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 1:51:09 PM
So you all would honestly say that missing out on her education would be acceptable just so "dad" didn't miss his days? This is a man who has never done a single bit of Christmas shopping or prep for either of our kids, and who spent each and every holiday so completely drunk that he couldn't remember it the next day.
Clearly you have some issues with your ex-husband, that doesn't change the fact that he is her father and has the right to see her in accordance with his legal rights. Missing the week before christmas in first grade is not going to impact her education. | |
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biochemipea
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 | Posted: 11/25/2012 1:53:46 PM
How many days of school would she end up missing?
I don't think I'd have a problem with my kids missing a few days of school to uphold a visitation agreement if I was in your place.
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*maureen*
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 1:53:46 PM
And before ANY paperwork was signed in this divorce, I had already taken residence in my current county. He was FULLY aware that compromises would have to be made, as was I, but NOT school.
Then the impetus is on you to make sure that your custody agreement reflects that school attendance is not negotiable. | |
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*maureen*
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 1:53:58 PM
And before ANY paperwork was signed in this divorce, I had already taken residence in my current county. He was FULLY aware that compromises would have to be made, as was I, but NOT school.
Then the impetus is on you to make sure that your custody agreement reflects that school attendance is not negotiable. | |
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hilsmom
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 1:54:52 PM
Maureen, my issues with him involved abuse, and a restraining order for physically assaulting our oldest daughter. So yes, I have issues. You would too. But not the point.
On the extra days I offered to keep her from missing school, he would be off work to actually spend time with her, rather than dropping her off with an unfamiliar sitter. |
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~Lauren~
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 | Posted: 11/25/2012 1:57:01 PM
I'm a family court attorney and I think you're being unreasonable. You're the one who moved away and he's the one that has to suck it up?
At seven years old, she can miss a couple of days of school. They're not doing intensive work at that time of year, anyway. Don't create problems. Abide by the court order. You can file after the holidays to try to change the order, but until you get a new order, you're obligated to abide by the one you negotiated.
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hilsmom
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 1:57:37 PM
How many days of school would she end up missing?
I don't think I'd have a problem with my kids missing a few days of school to uphold a visitation agreement if I was in your place.
she would miss four days. And not just that, but one of the incentives her new school has for not missing days is that every quarter, there is a field trip for kids with perfect attendance. I hate for her to miss out on that for something that isn't her fault. If she were even WANTING to go to her dad's it would be a different story. She doens't hate to visit, just hates to be gone for more than a couple of days at a time. |
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beachgurl
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 1:58:38 PM
If this is the first time your 7yr old has gone for a longer visitation, you need to be doing and saying things that will have her looking forward to it. For her sake. He may have been a jerk with you, and may still be, but he is her daddy and she deserves the best chance possible to have a good/decent daddy/daughter relationship.
Regarding the possible missing of school---teacher peas, please look away---There are always some kids that will miss most of that week because they will start traveling early or have vacations planned at that time. Your dd may just be one of them this year. Fortunately, she is young. Work with her teacher ahead to determine what you can do at home to keep her on track with the others. Don't just pop the news on her the last day. Life will go on.
Regarding his wanting a full week, rather than smaller blocks of time:
It is different to have your kids for a week or longer than it is to have 2 day weekends. He is right. If the situation were reversed, you would likely be wanting the longer block of time too.
What arrangements do you have for summer and other holidays? If you decide to have an attorney change the court order, perhaps you want to adjust these times as well.
Good luck. In the big picture, you can be glad that your daughter has a father that wants to spend time with her, and is following the court order. |
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~Lauren~
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 1:59:25 PM
I wouldn't place too much on the "she doesn't want to go" You're looking for excuses. Do the right thing and send her.
The alternative is to switch weeks, something I see you're not willing to do because it interferes with YOUR plans. See the unfairness? |
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hilsmom
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:00:41 PM
I'm a family court attorney and I think you're being unreasonable. You're the one who moved away and he's the one that has to suck it up?
no Lauren, I had to move that far to get away from the majority of his harrassment, and my CHILD is the one who has to suck it up. I am not trying to be unreasonable. I offered him more days than he would actually get. Offered transportation for the extra days. It would be way easier on ME if he just took the week before. The point is that it isn't what's best for HER. She would get more actual time with her dad. Next year will be my year to split my week. |
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hilsmom
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:04:07 PM
The alternative is to switch weeks, something I see you're not willing to do because it interferes with YOUR plans. See the unfairness?
HE HAS REFUSED TO SWITCH WEEKS WITH ME. I cannot emphasize that enough. He wants the week before because he thinks I am trying to STEAL Christmas Eve.
Beachgurl, she goes every other week during the summer. We have had no problems whatsoever with that, except that she doesn't like to go for that long. And yes, I tell her how much fun she will have, etc.
ETA: I guess I am just an unfair bitch, but no, I am not giving up Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day. She is entitled to spend ONE of those days at home. I did offer to let him have her again later in the week, have the extra weekend after when it would have been my weekend, and a few days the following week as well. So no, I am NOT trying to be unreasonable. |
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~Lauren~
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:04:58 PM
As I said, until you have a modified court order, you are obligated to give him the one full week set forth in the current order. If you decide you don't want her out of school (and I really suspect that's not the issue), then you should take the first week and give him the second week starting Christmas morning so that he's got his full week. If it means your plans are interrupted, so be it. You're the one looking to change things.
Judge's really don't take kindly to parents playing around with scheduled holiday visits.
ETA...I didn't see you post. But you said in your OP that you were not willing to change a whole week.
Either way, I strongly suggest you stick with the court order and encourage your daughter to look forward to her time with her dad. |
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Christine58
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voltagain
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:07:07 PM
And not just that, but one of the incentives her new school has for not missing days is that every quarter, there is a field trip for kids with perfect attendance. I hate for her to miss out on that for something that isn't her fault.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
She is going to miss out on a lot of things she (and you) want. That is the reality of the life of a child with divorced parents.
The court order isn't a negotiable document. It is a "law" regarding your private life. If you don't like it your only choices is to go back to court and amend it. The other choice is it learn to build a bridge and get over it. Deal with the reality of it, adjust life to met the law and move on.
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voltagain
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:14:20 PM
ETA: I guess I am just an unfair bitch, but no, I am not giving up Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day. She is entitled to spend ONE of those days at home. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
You need a big reality check. Look at a multi year calendar. The only time she will have Christmas eve and Christmas morning at separate households AND still abide by a week visitation is every 7 or so years when Christmas eve and Christmas morning happen Sat/Sun or Sun/Mon (depending on which day you take her back and forth) Most years CE and CD happen in the middle of the week.
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Nantini
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:14:26 PM
He sounds like a real piece of work....glad you were able to get away from him and I hope he didn't hurt your older DD too badly. I am assuming she does not have visitation with him??
And he still managed to get visitation? Is it supervised? |
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hilsmom
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:14:32 PM
He sounds like a real piece of work....glad you were able to get away from him and I hope he didn't hurt your older DD too badly. I am assuming she does not have visitation with him??
No, she is now 19 and won't see him at all. She tried again for awhile, and of course he continued with the drinking and temper, so she has ceased contact again.
If you decide you don't want her out of school (and I really suspect that's not the issue), then you should take the first week and give him the second week starting Christmas morning so that he's got his full week. If it means your plans are interrupted, so be it. You're the one looking to change things.
Yeah. It really IS the issue. It would be sooo much easier if she were out of school by the 18th, and we could just get his week out of the way.
Maybe I am naive, but I am completely floored by how many people think missing school is "no big deal", regardless of the age. I have always had a very strict ethic about not missing school OR work unless completely necessary due to illness. And yes, she is learning a lot every single day. It IS important that kids be at school when they are supposed to be. I cannot imagine a judge declaring that the desires of EITHER parent outweigh the education of a child. |
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hilsmom
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:19:44 PM
And he still managed to get visitation? Is it supervised?
Yes he did, and no, it's not supervised. Apparently until he knocks youngest around like he did oldest, it's "not risky".
You need a big reality check. Look at a multi year calendar. The only time she will have Christmas eve and Christmas morning at separate households AND still abide by a week visitation is every 7 or so years when Christmas eve and Christmas morning happen Sat/Sun or Sun/Mon (depending on which day you take her back and forth) Most years CE and CD happen in the middle of the week.
That is my point! It isn't going to be doable on most years. We will BOTH have to compromise. I am understanding that. HE is not. That's the point. It was set up by both attorneys (his and mine) so that we would alternate CE and CD. Apparently there was no contingency plan by either attorney for the time before or after, and yes, ALL parties involved knew where each of us would be living. |
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basketdiva
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:21:52 PM
ETA: I guess I am just an unfair bitch, but no, I am not giving up Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day. She is entitled to spend ONE of those days at home.
I'm confused-how is she missing spending one of those days at home. In your OP, you say you get her Christmas morning and the week after. Therefore she would see your SO that afternoon.
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lttlecrybby
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 | Posted: 11/25/2012 2:21:58 PM
Maybe I am naive, but I am completely floored by how many people think missing school is "no big deal", regardless of the age. I have always had a very strict ethic about not missing school OR work unless completely necessary due to illness. And yes, she is learning a lot every single day. It IS important that kids be at school when they are supposed to be. I cannot imagine a judge declaring that the desires of EITHER parent outweigh the education of a child.
In my district missing more than five days of school a year and they will refer the parent to departmant of family and children services. We will only accept a parent note for three absences, the rest have to be dr. notes. Now if a parent is in the military and is on leave from active duty, that is considered an excused absence for the child to spend time with their parent. A regular custody situation where it conflicts with the school calendar.....that would NOT be excused. The parent is expected to get the child to school. |
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batya
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 | Posted: 11/25/2012 2:22:25 PM
every quarter, there is a field trip for kids with perfect attendance.
Actually, I have a bigger problem with THIS and the school should not be punishing sick children or rewarding those who come when they are ill. You have a delicate situation with a child who did not ask for her parents to divorce or move away from her dad, regardless of whether he is a jerk. And now school is placing a premium of health, family situations, etc. I would work to have THIS changed, |
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beachgurl
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:24:42 PM
The visitation plan where you switch off Christmas Eve/Christmas Day is a pretty common plan. I bet this school has seen it before, and I bet there will be others in this situation as well. |
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voltagain
OklaPhoma
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:26:50 PM
It was set up by both attorneys (his and mine) so that we would alternate CE and CD.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
No, the court order, as you have previously stated, said he gets the week before Christmas. Anyone with half a brain knows you can't do a week before and alternate those two days.
Your best option is to go back to court and fix the reading of this so in future years you aren't in the same mess. Because you are going to go through this every Christmas for the rest of her life if you don't. |
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beachgurl
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:29:50 PM
In my district missing more than five days of school a year and they will refer the parent to departmant of family and children services. We will only accept a parent note for three absences, the rest have to be dr. notes. Now if a parent is in the military and is on leave from active duty, that is considered an excused absence for the child to spend time with their parent. A regular custody situation where it conflicts with the school calendar.....that would NOT be excused. The parent is expected to get the child to school.
There are plenty of longer distance children of divorce. Plenty of them have similar visitation arrangements. If they are flying or driving 8 hours, I can assure you that they will not be flying back and forth to attend classes each day. There must be some way they deal with this. |
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hilsmom
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:32:02 PM
Batya, excused abscense due to illness doesn't count against them. These days with him would be un-excused and would count against her.
Beachgurl, that was the reason for my original posting. I was hoping someone who had actually been in the situation might have helpful advice. It cannot be a new situation.
Basketdiva, sorry if I was being confusing. Either way, he gets CE this year, and I get CD. S/O and my father both work oilfield and don't come home til CD. Even if we switched weeks though, I would still get one of those days. |
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beachgurl
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:34:05 PM
Voltagain: In the visitation agreements I have been exposed to, they count that week as the 7 days immediately preceeding the holiday, and the immediate 7 days following the holiday. It doesn't count the week the same as it does for summer or alternation weeks, where the switch is at a standard time on a weekend.
This sounds like what she is describing. |
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kathyr83
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 | Posted: 11/25/2012 2:34:27 PM
A court order is a court order. I would say you need to abide by it. HOWEVER, let ex know that attendance will still be taken for her at school as it is still in session and it will be HIS RESPONSIBILITY to notify the school of her whereabouts and get any missed work.
Kathy | |
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scrappychick13
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:34:58 PM
I think you have to let her skip those days this year, and work on getting an amended visitation order for next year, that includes provisions for working with the school calendar. | |
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batya
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| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:36:55 PM
Batya, excused abscense due to illness doesn't count against them. These days with him would be un-excused and would count against her.
Are you sure about that? Have you shown them the court order? That's a pretty darn good 'excuse.' I would go to the school with all the documents.
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UkSue
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Loc: Greater London
 | Posted: 11/25/2012 2:40:23 PM
I think your hands are pretty much tied by the court order.
However this
Honestly? She's 7. I agree with your ex in this case. It won't hurt her to miss a few days of school to spend time with her dad right before Christmas
I would have problems with, because at my children's schools there are many enjoyable activities in the last few days leading up to Christmas, including a Christmas meal, a party and a day when they all take in board games and have a tournament. I would be upset for them to miss that- however, maybe you should have thought about the court order earlier and tried to modify it?
I also agree that you were the one that moved and that the onus is on you to make this work for your daughter, who deserves to have a good relationship with her dad, if that is possible. That is the healthiest thing for her emotionally as she grows up.
ETA I meant to say, when my husband had a visitation schedule with his ex, it was drawn up so that one parent got the whole Christmas ( ie Christmas Eve and Day) and the other parent got the children from Boxing Day (26th Dec here). I think that was a lot less disruptive than moving them on Christmas morning,which is what you're doing. As others have said, being divorced causes all parties to miss out somewhat, including the children caught in the middle of it all. |
| Love is short, forgetting is long, and understanding longer still. | |
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Really Red
Pea-ceful and Hap-pea
PeaNut 24,951
November 2001
Posts: 8,160
Layouts: 1
| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:40:35 PM
 I am so sorry. It really sounds like a hateful situation with someone who will not compromise. OP, I think you have been very clear about what is going on and I don't understand why some are taking issue with you.
I am a single parent and I am grateful every single day that their dad doesn't cause problems. I have to have him here Christmas Eve and Day and I HATE that, but it is a small price to pay.
For you, I think this year the only solution is that your child misses the last days. I do think you need to modify the agreement. I think you need to save your emails and your ex's and show the judge he was not willing to compromise. You can tell the judge that you feel school is important (I would not mention the trip - I agree with Batya that this, on the school's part, is ridiculous) and your ex would not compromise.
I do understand that your ex wants your DD for one week at a time, but it also sounds like the ex is more interested in his wants and desires than his child's.
I'm sorry you're in this situation. It totally bites. |
Andrea
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; But often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
Helen Keller | |
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mistysmere
PeaFixture
PeaNut 16,059
May 2001
Posts: 3,064
Layouts: 15
Loc: Fort Worth TX
| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:47:04 PM
I just want to say that this year's calendar has messed with tons of different visitation schedules this year. ODS's public school gets out the 21st and goes back on the 8th. The most successful situations are ones that say each parent gets 1/2 of break. And it rotates who gets the first half each year. My decree says this, but is still a problem, as X's office is closing for the middle part of the break. And ODS's birthday is Christmas Eve. We've resolved our problem with X getting 21-30, I pick up at noon the 24th and return noon Christmas. But we have a comfortable relationship when it comes to visitation.
My BFF cried when she saw the school calendar. Her decree has the swap on the 28th every year.
Personally, I think you should consider amending your decree, otherwise your school calendar will mess with your "plans". But you also will have to completely be willing to give up holidays. The only reason I'm getting DS for 24 hours is because this is my Christmas year. With a 9month old, Christmas morning means the world to us (and we're not big on making Christmas dinner). But I haven't seen the boy since Wednesday.
Yes, X is being obtuse, but the big failure is in your decree and not adjusting for the ever changing school calendar.
Kerry | |
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beachgurl
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 288,459
December 2006
Posts: 5,582
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:49:27 PM
Beachgurl, that was the reason for my original posting. I was hoping someone who had actually been in the situation might have helpful advice. It cannot be a new situation.
Well, here is the way it worked in my real life. We followed the order. We did not negotiate. At times she missed school. She missed many activities. Divorce sucks.
However, she is older now and has a daughter of her own. She did fine in school. AP classes and I forget now what the grade point was...but something in the A's. She graduated early from HS and went straight into college. She now has advanced degrees. Looking at it from this vantage point, her education went just fine.
Her father/daughter relationship is hardly there, but she did have years of some sort of relationship. Frankly, that is all plenty of people get. We are glad that she got the time she did. I do think it was important to her development to at least try. She didn't always "want" to go, but she learned to suck it up. A skill that can be useful later in life.
If I were in your shoes right now, I would use my energy to work with the school. If she has a court order to be in another place those days, they should be able to make their system work with that. They can't be penalizing her for obeying the law and being with her father. That will be a fight worth fighting. It may help you and others in years to come.
It stinks. All divorce stinks, whetrher people want to admit it or not. Yes, education is important, but you will be modeling that to her on every other day. Pick your battles. Show her that education is important by working with her teacher ahead of time to get assignments, and then take it upon yourself to see that she returns ready to jump back in. Again, good luck. If only life were easy. |
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writermom1
Thrift Whisperer
PeaNut 114,407
November 2003
Posts: 22,289
Layouts: 66
Loc: At the intersection of Hooterville and Stars Hollow
| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:51:18 PM
I'm sorry. This is going to sound awful but sometimes I swear The Lord was looking out for me when he had my Dad walk out of my life when I was in preschool. I was a schedule and tradition hates change kind of kid. I suspect the back and forth between homes and different holidays each year would not have benefited me.
I really hope you can work it out the way your DD wants it to be. I feel for the adults in the equation but it really tears me up to hear what your child wants (the shorter visits) - and that it may not be possible for your ex to accommodate that.
I'm of the "no one was ever kept out of Harvard because of an unexposed absence in the third grade" mindset. That said I would hope her Dad had lots of fun activity to make up for what she will miss in school. Those last few days were always such fun.
It is what it is. All you can do is make it as easy on your child as possible. |
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homespunhurricaine
PeaNut
PeaNut 548,836
March 2012
Posts: 64
Layouts: 0
Loc: Texas
| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:56:45 PM
What's the standard language , the judge never meant for your child to miss school. You can usually get an attorney to look it over for free and tell you what's going on | |
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~Lauren~
Original Pea #1803
PeaNut 246,606
January 2006
Posts: 29,617
Layouts: 16
Loc: right here...even if some don't like it. ;)
| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:57:59 PM
Well, here is the way it worked in my real life. We followed the order. We did not negotiate. At times she missed school. She missed many activities. Divorce sucks
I agree. Divorce sucks...for all parties and their families.
I want to repeat..for THIS year, suck it up and follow the court order.
After the holidays, have your attorney file for a modification. You just recently negotiated the current agreement. No one apparently realized the different school schedules. OK, that's a basis for applying for a modification. It is NOT a basis for you unilaterally deciding to change the court order. |
Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him better take a closer look at the American Indian - Henry Ford | |
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Basket1lady
PeaAddict
PeaNut 465,906
April 2010
Posts: 1,904
Layouts: 0
Loc: Northern Virginia
| Posted: 11/25/2012 2:58:15 PM
I don't have any experience with the custody issue, but I will comment on the holiday schedule. We are a military family and go to MN every year for Christmas. The kids have NEVER had the full week off before Christmas. We've been in an American school overseas, NV, AL, VA, MA, and CO schools. Often the kids go until about the 23rd. Some years I pulled them out early, but now I have a high schooler and it's almost impossible for them to miss school for any reason.
I would encourage you to take a look at the calendar for the next 12 years and figure out a plan that is fair to you, your ex, and your DD. when she's in elementary school, she will miss the fun. By middle school, she will be missing tests and work that the school doesn't have to allow her to make up if the absence is unexcused.
Good luck. It's a difficult situation. |
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batya
Making the WWW better, one post at a time.
PeaNut 59,094
December 2002
Posts: 31,794
Layouts: 24
Loc: up on my high horse
| Posted: 11/25/2012 3:01:52 PM
for THIS year, suck it up and follow the court order.
After the holidays, have your attorney file for a modification. You just recently negotiated the current agreement. No one apparently realized the different school schedules. OK, that's a basis for applying for a modification. It is NOT a basis for you unilaterally deciding to change the court order.
ITA. This is a court order. Not a suggestion. Follow it now. File for modification with your additional information going forward. Don't stress yourself out. In a year, the missed days will be a distant memory for you, DD and the school district. It will be ok. |
OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.
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Blind Squirrel
Lifts like a girl
PeaNut 205,131
May 2005
Posts: 6,187
Layouts: 0
Loc: Caffeine-ville
| Posted: 11/25/2012 3:10:30 PM
As a teacher it makes me cringe when I read here that "oh they won't be doing a lot that week anyway" attitude...It's so not true in this day and age of Common Core etc.
Thank you. I teach each and every day of the year. | |
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Christine58
pea'rific teacher Union President
PeaNut 164,125
August 2004
Posts: 21,107
Layouts: 0
Loc: Western NY
| Posted: 11/25/2012 3:12:29 PM
As a teacher it makes me cringe when I read here that "oh they won't be doing a lot that week anyway" attitude...It's so not true in this day and age of Common Core etc.
Thank you. I teach each and every day of the year.
Me too Blind Squirrel. |
 
Some people only dream of angels, I have held one in my arms.
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