Would You Let Your 14 Year Old Daughter/Son Hang All Over Their Boy/Girlfriend?
Post ReplyPost New TopicPosted 11/25/2012 by Sharl in NSBR Board
 

Sharl
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Posted: 11/25/2012 10:31:57 PM
Earlier I picked up my grandson from his best friend's house and his friend's girlfriend was there also. I stayed for a bit talking to the parents and noticed that the two kids were hanging on each other, arms around each other and she was kissing him on the neck. These kids are 14!

I can see holding hands but really that's about it. I mean I realize they probably kiss (and it wouldn't surprise me if there was more than that, given the freedom they're given), but really to just to be all over each other in front of the parents? Granted, the parents didn't seem to care at all, and maybe I'm a little old fashioned, but I still think 14 is a bit young to be doing that.

My grandson is 15 and I would object to that, and I hope he has more respect for his future girlfriend's parents and the girl herself. Holding hands is one thing, but not all over each other.

Parents of teenagers, would you mind? Would you say something? (I don't mean I would have said anything to them as it isn't my kids or my business, but if it were my grandson I would say something to him.)

I just personally think that kids act way too grown up in this day and age and I think its kind of sad.


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bugluver
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Posted: 11/25/2012 10:40:32 PM
No way that would fly in our house!


DS is so modest he would probably be mortified and stop her. Ds is 13, 14 in December and has had a girl chasing him most of the school year even going as fas as asking him to have sex via text! He quickly let her know we read his texts and we would block her number if the content continued to be inappropriate.

He is not anyhwere near ready or thinking of that yet. He was very embarrassed and did not know quite how to answer that proposition. Time with guy friends is pretty free for him but time with groups of people are watched closer.

After the texts we saw I spoke with the counselor and found out it is not uncommon and that the school is aware of sexual activity within the 7&8th grade students.

huskergal
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Posted: 11/25/2012 10:41:35 PM
No. I would not allow that in my house. I hate PDA. I can't control what they do outside of the house.


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cmpeter
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Posted: 11/25/2012 10:42:08 PM
That wouldn't fly with us either.


Cindi

odonna
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Posted: 11/25/2012 11:19:42 PM
No way no how. Mom of a 17, and 13 yr old girls
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Luvnlifelady
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Posted: 11/25/2012 11:34:32 PM
I think it's a cry for attention. I hate PDA's other than hand holding and maybe light kissing in public by anyone.



karintaylor
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Posted: 11/25/2012 11:44:13 PM
not this mama!!!


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Posted: 11/25/2012 11:47:54 PM

The word I would use if one of my DDs behaved this way would be "inappropriate."

I would hope they would have enough self respect to know that kind of behavior is wrong.



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sharonmnc
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Posted: 11/26/2012 6:14:48 AM
nope


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Posted: 11/26/2012 6:33:57 AM
No. My 14yo DS has his first girlfriend. He wants to walk around with his arm around her all the time but knows it's not okay.
He sees others doing that and says that while he really really wants to it looks bad.
They do hold hands occasionally though which I have no problem with.


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Posted: 11/26/2012 7:53:30 AM
Not in front of the parents!! I know what I did at that age, and I'd never even dream of doing that in front of them....ewww. I didn't even want to hold hands if they were around.




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Posted: 11/26/2012 8:01:27 AM
o.m.g I'm 38 and have been married since 1996. I would still not act like that in front of my parents!





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Posted: 11/26/2012 8:05:11 AM
That would be a no here, too. PDA's are rude to the people around the displayers, for one thing.


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Posted: 11/26/2012 10:14:17 AM

I just personally think that kids act way too grown up in this day and age and I think its kind of sad.
I agree. Dating at that age at all is inappropriate in my mind. We did not allow our boys to date until 16 and they were not allowed to be exclusive with anyone until at least 6 months from first going out with a girl.

I had pretty strong feelings on this before coming to Pealand, but reading about some of the extreme situations some Peas have been through with their teens related to possessive BF/GF and total freak BF/GF, it strengthened my resolve to hold fast on what DH and I decided before our kids were even born!

We don't consider ourselves prudes, but we have taught our boys to respect themselves and to only date girls that respect themselves. My older son broke up with one girl because she expected to give him oral sex on the first date. He told her to her face that she needed to expect more respect from guys and he certainly expected more respect from her and that they were done. Any girl that would be openly hanging all over either of our boys in front of us or their grandparents would not fit into that category.

I do believe there is a natural timeline to things and the earlier you start certain things, the earlier other things get started.



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Wildcatmom
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Posted: 11/26/2012 10:20:58 AM
No that wouldn't fly with us and thankfully, the parents of DD's boyfriend are of the same mind.


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Posted: 11/26/2012 10:23:05 AM

The word I would use if one of my DDs behaved this way would be "inappropriate."


This.

They want attention. Desperately. I agree with you that it's sad. They aren't getting the discipline and boundaries they should be.


OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.




2boysandwill
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Posted: 11/26/2012 10:25:15 AM

I just personally think that kids act way too grown up in this day and age and I think its kind of sad.


completely agree...that wouldn't work in my home either.

I am CONSTANTLY telling my 16 yo that he has the rest of his life to get to know girls because everyone at this age is so dramatic...

Sharna_G
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Posted: 11/26/2012 10:28:03 AM
Umm... I was uncomfortable touching my FIANCE in front of my parents. I was 26.
Actually, I felt a little crazy telling my dad I was pregnant. It was actual confirmation that I was indeed sexually active.


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gajitldy
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Posted: 11/26/2012 10:33:14 AM
No way...they are too young to date. I agree with the 16 years old before daring.


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batya
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Posted: 11/26/2012 10:34:48 AM
The other issue is, if they are so comfortable doing that in front of everyone, I can only assume what they are doing when no one is there. B/c they crave the attention/love from each other that they may not be getting from those parents.

And I agree that this type of dating, 14 is way too young.


OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.




TREZmom
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Posted: 11/26/2012 10:51:01 AM
That would make me very uncomfortable.

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Posted: 11/26/2012 11:06:47 AM

Actually, I felt a little crazy telling my dad I was pregnant. It was actual confirmation that I was indeed sexually active.
LOL, I was EXACTLY the same way when I told my mom!



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agnes
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Posted: 11/26/2012 11:07:37 AM
Nope.


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Posted: 11/26/2012 11:12:56 AM

but I still think 14 is a bit young to be doing that.


I don't particularly want to watch anyone's PDAs and I'm sure they don't want to watch mine and DH's either.

I'm not a fan beyond hand holding and little peck whatever age someone is to be honest.



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WorkingClassDog
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Posted: 11/26/2012 11:16:01 AM
Wouldn't fly in our house... but my 16 year old dd has a steady boyfriend and she won't even hardly hold his hand in front of us. (She told me this..) that her boyfriend said it was okay to hold hands in public (public as in front of me and dh)... LOL.. so yeah they are not into PDA at all.



CnBsmommy
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Posted: 11/26/2012 11:50:21 AM
wouldn't fly with our kids or in our house. our kids are 14 & 15. our house is the one with kids over all the time & it doesn't happen, at all.

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Posted: 11/26/2012 12:13:58 PM

That type of behavior, in my opinion, is totall inappropriate. The teens involved are starting down a slippery slope that won't end well.


kkrenn
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Posted: 11/26/2012 12:21:20 PM
No Way!

My 14yo dd has a 14yo boyfriend and they have been together for 7 months. His mother and I talk often and we discuss with each other what we want from our own children. She called me a week ago asking me how I felt about something in regards to our kids. She mentioned that she felt it was good that they were together so that they didn't feel the pressure of impressing others at school. We see so many girls doing all of the wrong things to get attention from boys. We are raising our kids to have respect for themselves as well as others.

I have no doubt that if his mom saw something my dd was doing that was inappropriate she would say something to her and me because she knows how I feel. I can do the same with her son.

I do know that I would not have allowed this relationship if I hadn't gotten to know the family and if we weren't on the same page.

My dd hates PDA from anyone, she gets grossed out when her dad and I hug!


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Posted: 11/26/2012 6:17:16 PM
My kids r still young but that would never fly at my house. I have boys and a girl and any one that enters my house must follow these rules:
Dress appropriately (no cleavage, no booty shorts, pants pulled up, etc..)
Act repectfully

So a gf kissing on ds neck in my house is not acting respectfully so she must leave.


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mom2tah
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Posted: 11/26/2012 6:21:54 PM
No way. My kids are not allowed to date until they're 16.


Stacy


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Posted: 11/26/2012 6:28:52 PM
No. My boys are young adults now (23 and 19) and I still don't want to see them hanging on a girlfriend or vice versa. I never witnessed it with younger DS, but older DS had one girlfriend that always would sit on his lap when she was here and he would always ask her not to. He had another, long term girlfriend who was a little more physically clingy but even that wasn't kissing his neck etc. At 14, I would have been horrified.

KatieBPea
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Posted: 11/26/2012 6:30:25 PM

I'm not a fan beyond hand holding and little peck whatever age someone is to be honest.

I feel this way, too.


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Posted: 11/26/2012 6:35:20 PM
My 14 year old wouldn't even be allowed to have a boyfriend / girlfriend


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Sharl
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Posted: 11/26/2012 6:42:09 PM

That type of behavior, in my opinion, is totall inappropriate. The teens involved are starting down a slippery slope that won't end well.



The other issue is, if they are so comfortable doing that in front of everyone, I can only assume what they are doing when no one is there.


That's really what I was thinking too, as I know they are given a lot of alone time when he is at his dad's house, who is more his "friend" than parent since their divorce.

I chatted with my grandson about it tonight at dinner and told him I felt it was inappropriate what they were doing especially at their age (not that I really want to see people all over each other at any age. lol) and that when he has a girlfriend I hope he is respectful to the girl and her parents and whoever is around. He did point out though that he is 15, not 14. (He was kidding with me since I was stuck on the 14 part. lol)

I think the one thing that really kind of stuck with me was her kissing him on the back of the neck....to me that is just really personal and you just don't act that way around people. Call me a prude, I don't mind. I just think kids shouldn't be acting that way or parents condoning it. I get that kids are gonna do things, I was a kid too, but at 14 I wasn't thinking about groping some boy, much less kissing him on the neck. (16 was a different story....lol)


Sharl

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Maryland
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Posted: 11/26/2012 6:53:01 PM
I thought you said she was kissing him. Maybe I misunderstood. She should have respect for his parents/grandma and him. It works both ways with respect. The girl needs respect to the boy as well.

My oldest is 15 and she had a date to homecoming this year. I picked up the kids from the dance to take them to the after dance bonfire. They were holding hands. I thought it was so cute! I think it's sweet when they are just holding hands at that age. The boy is only 14, and I think his dad was bothered by it though. I completely understand that a father of a boy that is only 14 would be a little upset (since my daughter is a year older).

When I was 23 and in law school, my boyfriend and I were at his parents house a lot. I would sit with him on the sofa, and sometimes hold hands but that was it. I didn't want his parents to get the wrong idea, even though we were 23! I think having respect in front of the parents is always a good idea.


Maryland
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Posted: 11/26/2012 6:58:40 PM
Wow, I am happy to read the responses to this thread (after posting above)! It looks like there is no double standard here, that parents don't want girls to hang all over their sons as well as vice versa. I get tired of seeing parents being protective of daughters but not sons. So it looks like everyone is on the same page here with applying the same respect out of sons and daughters. I have 3 girls and they are taught that they are to respect boys and not take advantage of them and not to be mean to them. My 15 yr. old always tells me to be glad that I have girls and not boys because the girls are so aggressive and I wouldn't want them dating my son if I had one!!

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Posted: 11/26/2012 7:06:04 PM
N.F.W.

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Posted: 11/26/2012 7:14:45 PM
ah..NO..and 14 yrs old is WAY to young to date. Holy crap..They'll be preggers by 16. We didn't allow our girls to date til they were 16.






I-95
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Posted: 11/26/2012 7:31:04 PM

N.F.W.


LOL! Exactly what I was about to write!!!

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Posted: 11/26/2012 7:37:38 PM
No.




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Posted: 11/26/2012 7:40:32 PM
Bleccch. I don't like it from grown adults, much less my children.

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Posted: 11/26/2012 7:49:37 PM
My son is only 11, but I am going to say a big hell no to that.

Yeah, they probably do it at school. but that doesn't mean I will allow it in my house.


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Posted: 11/26/2012 8:08:36 PM
No, no and no. What the hell is wrong with no?


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Posted: 11/26/2012 8:17:32 PM
No I wouldn't allow it, but nor would my 14yo DD ever want to do that in front of me.

She recently got her first boyfriend. I took her over to his house a couple of weekends ago. I made sure the parents were home and met them first. Then when I went to pick her up later she just gave him a quick hug goodbye. Even that kind of freaked me out a bit LOL, but then again she hugs ALL of her friends goodbye, male and female.

A friend of mine picked her 14yo DD up from a party recently and said that when she got there she saw a couple making out on the couch on the porch. Like *really* heavy making out. She was horrified. I told my DD that is not something I want her doing (a) at all, and (b ) especially in front of other people.

KathrynPea
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Posted: 11/26/2012 9:08:37 PM
My 11 year old cant date until she is 16 so that would be a moot point.

writermom1
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Posted: 11/26/2012 9:27:29 PM
My kids are allowed to date before 14. I just think there needs to be phases and dating at such a young age is mostly "in name only." I realize they are going to want to hold hands, kiss, etc. at some point but I think it should be sweet and somewhat clandestine. I don't really think that dry humping your sweetie in front of the family is the appropriate activity at that age. Start with hand-holding and save something for later grades.




terribradford
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Posted: 11/26/2012 9:54:01 PM
No. I have an almost 16-yr-old son and have brought him up to be respectful of surroundings, people, and situations. He is not dating and is actually very mature when it comes to the whole aspect of the created drama the kids seem to thrive off of in high school. He keeps busy with schoolwork and grades, band, etc. so far thankfully. (I, on the other hand, was very caught up into drama, boys, and dating at his age already!)


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NieNie
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Posted: 11/26/2012 11:15:08 PM
I told my children when they were teens,I didn't want to hear or find them hanging off each other but if they insist my DH and I would hang with them and do the same. Hey, it is a free world right? This grossed them out and I said I feel grossed out too when I see anyagers mouth kissing, fondling etc. in public. We moved a lot so I told them the same deal goes for weird hair colors,piercings in extreme,tattoes and the weird black lipstick deal popular at the time. Told them DH and I didn't know anybody in town so we could stop by school or other venues anytime with all of the above.We are entitled to look as ridiculous as anyone else, right? Kids turned out great in spite of living with us and a thin veil of sheer terror, along with heavy doses of interest and praise from us and extended family who didn't live close but made it a point to be part of their lives.

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Posted: 11/26/2012 11:18:48 PM
Oops, not hanging off each other, hanging off other people is what I meant.Need to go to bed, too much Cyber Monday.
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