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 Shih Tzu Mommy Million dollar camera, 10 dollar lock! PeaNut 224,352 September 2005 Posts: 23,527 Layouts: 0 Loc: Right here
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 9:57:41 AM
A teen who is not quite in 'friend' territory, but heading that way, with my younger son (they are both Seniors in HS) came over to hang out for a bit.
This kid was referring to some people at school as 'spazzes' and 'spastic'. After the third time I popped my head in and said that I did not appreciate him using hateful language in my home. He looked shocked and said "Oh, I wasn't swearing or anything. I was just calling X and Y a spaz." And I said that it was not kind to call someone spastic and that people cannot help if they have disabilities and asked him to find a different word and that others might find it hurtful. He looked at me like I had been drinking, but to his credit he did say "Yes, ma'am, I apologize, I did not mean anything by it."
So am I wrong? Totally willing to hear if I am. I have been stewing about this since yesterday afternoon.
I sit on the board of a non-profit that advocates for those with developmental and intellectual disabilities and I am VERY touchy about the 'R' word and this really struck me in the same vein.
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 ~Lauren~ Original Pea #1803 PeaNut 246,606 January 2006 Posts: 29,677 Layouts: 16 Loc: right here...even if some don't like it. ;)
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:00:37 AM
I'll probably be in the minority knowing how the peas fly but I would not have said anything about this to the kid. I don't believe saying someone is a spaz is "hate" language. |
Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him better take a closer look at the American Indian - Henry Ford | |
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 not2peased Ancient Ancestor of Pea PeaNut 260,865 May 2006 Posts: 12,937 Layouts: 0 Loc: Northeast
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:00:41 AM
I think we all have our buttons.
I wouldnt have said anything |
-Kerry
Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others.
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 Miss Ang I'm a Toilet Paper Pea. Are you? PeaNut 26,443 January 2002 Posts: 11,585 Layouts: 398 Loc: Illinois
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:01:05 AM
Spaz means hyper. You over reacted, IMO. |
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 WingNut Best Cat Evahhh! PeaNut 18,741 July 2001 Posts: 13,245 Layouts: 200 Loc: Maryland
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:01:20 AM
I have a friend whose kids use such terms all the time. And she isn't bothered by it all. Some of us have tried to explain to her that it's something they should think about and stop using but she can't be bothered to do anything because it falls into the category of "hard parenting" which she is ALWAYS avoiding whenever possible.
I would have done the same. You did it nicely, calmly and without a lot of fuss. He responded well too. Hopefully it sinks in and sticks. |
Joy
"And a Christian who constantly complains, fails to be a good Christian: they become Mr. or Mrs. Whiner, no?" - Pope Francis"
Into the Thicklebit- My new favorite blog/webcomic!
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 Lilyloams PeaFixture PeaNut 286,882 December 2006 Posts: 3,669 Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:02:21 AM
If he was actually referring to people with diabilities, then yes you were right.
Also, just because he was in your home if you don't want to hear that word, you were right.
I do have to say, sometimes we just the word "spaz" referring to someone who is normal (ie, not disabled) but being goofy or crazy about something. | |
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 KikiNichole HandSlapPea Pea PeaNut 69,597 February 2003 Posts: 27,106 Layouts: 2 Loc: Follow the Yellow Brick Road
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:03:14 AM
Eh, I think you over reacted. But he sounds like a really nice young man. |
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 myshelly Ancient Ancestor of Pea PeaNut 471,001 June 2010 Posts: 7,494 Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:03:23 AM
I have never heard or thought of the word spastic as being derogatory. I don't think it refers to a disability at all
I'm sure I would have had the same reaction as your DS's friend.
I'm a bit puzzled.
When I say spastic I just mean someone who is a little awkward or random. It's not an insult.
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 Lumo Carolina dorkburger PeaNut 233,457 November 2005 Posts: 16,619 Layouts: 38 Loc: An hour west of Blue Heaven
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:03:30 AM
I doubt if I'd have said anything. That's not a word that's on my radar as being particularly hateful. |
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Kelly
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 tamhugh Ancient Ancestor of Pea PeaNut 12,875 March 2001 Posts: 7,949 Layouts: 11
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:03:41 AM
I'll probably be in the minority knowing how the peas fly but I would not have said anything about this to the kid. I don't believe saying someone is a spaz is "hate" language.
I don't see this as hate language either. When I hear it used, it isn't used as a slur on someone with disabilities. I am known as a "spaz" in my house because I am neurotic and get worried and nervous about things. I have only otherwise heard it used to describe someone who is flighty or silly. | |
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 kmk1112 Ancient Ancestor of Pea PeaNut 11,642 February 2001 Posts: 7,964 Layouts: 66 Loc: Ohio
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:04:41 AM
We always used that term growing up and I had no idea it referred to people with disabilities until recently. I try not to use it today, and probably wouldn't correct someone else's kid who did. If I heard my dd using it, I would make sure she understood how some people would take it, and I think she would decide not to use it because she's pretty sensitive. | |
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 momofkandn PeaAddict PeaNut 159,041 July 2004 Posts: 1,046 Layouts: 0 Loc: Maryland
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:07:53 AM
I've never heard the term used in connection with someone with a disability. So I wouldn't have reacted the way you did. It wouldn't even register to me. The term spaz has always been used to describe someone hyper or overly dramatic in my little world. But maybe it's usage has changed. | |
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 Dalai Mama La Pea Boheme PeaNut 49,641 September 2002 Posts: 24,390 Layouts: 85 Loc: Drunk on the lawn in a nuclear dawn
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:07:55 AM
I'll probably be in the minority knowing how the peas fly but I would not have said anything about this to the kid. I don't believe saying someone is a spaz is "hate" language.
I'm warming your bench. |
Jo Mama
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Gotta kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight. - Bruce Cockburn
The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. - Douglas Adams
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 bethany1023 StuckOnPeas PeaNut 315,499 May 2007 Posts: 2,439 Layouts: 3 Loc: Midwest
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:08:28 AM
I would not think anything of it either, and have heard it used to mean hyper or crazy not disabled.
Kudos to the young man though in responding to your request in a respectful manner.
I would agree it's your house and therefore your rules. | |
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 notcomputersavvy Sarcastic PEAotch PeaNut 114,235 November 2003 Posts: 10,988 Layouts: 0 Loc: Ohio
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:09:11 AM
Not a word I would've even noticed! I have 2 teens and have heard some interesting language come out of some of their friends mouths....but IMO that's a totally harmless word and I say it often.
But your house, your rules. And the kid sounds very polite and respectful even though he didn't agree that it was a word he shouldn't be using. |
Jenny
sahm to my adorable girls Hannah (16), Brooke(12)
and my sweet boys Drew (6) Joey ( 1)
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 finally~a~mama StuckOnPeas PeaNut 438,682 September 2009 Posts: 2,617 Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:10:44 AM
I've never heard the term used in connection with someone with a disability. So I wouldn't have reacted the way you did. It wouldn't even register to me. The term spaz has always been used to describe someone hyper or overly dramatic in my little world. But maybe it's usage has changed.
Same here. I wouldn't have thought a thing of it.  |
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 chelsea_bug AncestralPea PeaNut 89,393 June 2003 Posts: 4,183 Layouts: 0 Loc: Central New York
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What disabilty does spastic refer to? I honestly can't think of what disabilty everyone is referring to. |
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 Sarah*H Bring me that horizon! PeaNut 239,162 December 2005 Posts: 27,943 Layouts: 413 Loc: The final frontier
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:14:03 AM
I know what the word can refer to but it long ago became slang for overreacting, flipping out, and being hyper. If you look on dictionary.com, one of the definitions for the word "spazzing" is to become more angry than the situation warrants. I don't think that 99% of the people who use that word associate it all with people who have spasms or other disabilities. I wouldn't have said anything to that boy. |
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 pynk E
PeaNut 48,314 September 2002 Posts: 13,266 Layouts: 295
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It would not have bothered me but your house, your rules. | |
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 Burning Feather I conceived but I can't see you PeaNut 158,336 July 2004 Posts: 36,304 Layouts: 3 Loc: Ain't no black widow serial killer going to get between me and my man
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 sueg PeaFixture PeaNut 13,202 March 2001 Posts: 3,973 Layouts: 32 Loc: an Aussie in Germany
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:16:38 AM
What disabilty does spastic refer to? I honestly can't think of what disabilty everyone is referring to.
I believe it is an older (and not as much used these days) term for Cerebral Palsy.
Personally, I don't like it. To me it's comparing a person who is clumsy/crazy/awkward with someone who has a disability - no different to calling someone who does something stupid a 'retard' or something you don't like 'gay'. I know most people don't agree with me on this though. |
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 2boysandwill My turn to hit the PEAnata!!! PeaNut 121,208 December 2003 Posts: 13,134 Layouts: 71 Loc: SCV, CA
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:19:49 AM
Your house, your rules...but considering you asked him to find another word that others might not find hurtful...it makes me wonder what that word would be? Any word meant to describe another person in a less than stellar way is hurtful within itself, right?
(shrug)
I wouldn't have said anything either...(shrug) | |
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 Sharna_G PeaFixture PeaNut 314,157 May 2007 Posts: 3,999 Layouts: 8 Loc: Delaware
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:20:07 AM
I'll probably be in the minority knowing how the peas fly but I would not have said anything about this to the kid. I don't believe saying someone is a spaz is "hate" language.
Yeah. I'm here too. |
~~Sharna
"You think they're onto us?"
"Shhh... Let me call my attorney"
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 Jenny in TX PeaAddict PeaNut 110,342 October 2003 Posts: 1,584 Layouts: 0 Loc: Pearland, Texas
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:22:13 AM
I think you over reacted. I would not have even noticed him saying it. I have only ever heard it to mean someone is acting hyper.
I have used the word spaz many times....mostly when I'm at my moms and I'm talking about her dog who comes running towards me and jumps on me all the time. I tell my mom all time her dog is a spaz!! | |
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 fredfreddy Alex told me to change it PeaNut 120,522 December 2003 Posts: 19,107 Layouts: 543 Loc: never in one place very long (...in San Jose, CA)
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:27:45 AM
Overreaction. Calling something/someone gay or retarded gets me annoyed though. |
Alana
it rhymes with banana
mom to a 20 yo dd, 13 yo ds, and 10 yo ds and a scrapper for 12 years | |
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 nicolequinn Sick of Snow PeaNut 41,352 June 2002 Posts: 5,852 Layouts: 0 Loc: Alaska
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:28:54 AM
I think complete overreaction on your part. Never have I thought Spaz was a derogatory term.
He sounds like a nice kid. |
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 ukfan PeaAddict PeaNut 150,991 June 2004 Posts: 1,974 Layouts: 31 Loc: southeast
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:33:45 AM
I don't see that term as derogatory at all. But, simply, that someone is goofy or acting goofy. Not even in a physical sense necessarily - just goofy/silly. I wouldn't have said anything.
I don't see this as "hate". |
Jennifer
"give me chocolate...or I will cut you" | |
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 Maite There is no secret ingredient PeaNut 50,756 October 2002 Posts: 24,926 Layouts: 418 Loc: NC
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:38:19 AM
I think you overreacted. Spaz is not meant to be a hateful word. Just one of those words that teens use, overuse, and then discard. |
Maite
A miracle is something that seems impossible but happens anyway.
my blog | |
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 Brynne428 ******* PeaNut 24,413 November 2001 Posts: 8,267 Layouts: 2 Loc: La La land
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:41:44 AM
I think you totally overreacted. I've heard the word used thousands of times. It just means hyper, silly, goofy etc. | |
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 TeaLBPea Schnauzer Mom! PeaNut 194,904 March 2005 Posts: 9,573 Layouts: 0 Loc: West Virginia
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:46:56 AM
Here's an interesting discussion from Wiki about the use of the term and different understandings of its meaning (in particular, British and American).
In American slang, the term "spaz" is largely inoffensive, and is generally understood as a casual word for clumsiness, sometimes associated with overexcitability, excessive startle response ("jumpiness" , excessive energy, or hyperactivity. Its usage has been documented as far back as the mid 1950s.[5] In 1965, film critic Pauline Kael, explained to her readers, "The term that American teenagers now use as the opposite of 'tough' is 'spaz'. A spaz is a person who is courteous to teachers, plans for a career, and believes in official values. A spaz is something like what adults still call a square."[5] The New York Times columnist similarly explained to readers that spaz meant "You're strictly from 23-skidoo."[5] Benjamin Zimmer, editor for American dictionaries at Oxford University Press and researcher at the University of Pennsylvania's Institute for Research in Cognitive Sciences, writes that by the mid 1960s the American usage of the term spaz shifted from "its original sense of 'spastic or physically uncoordinated person' to something more like 'nerdy, weird or uncool person.'"[6] By contrast, in a June 2005 newsletter for "American Dialect Society", Zimmer reports that the "earliest [written] occurrence of uncoordinated "spaz" (as opposed to uncool "spaz" ?" is found in The Elastik Band's 1967 "undeniably tasteless garage-rock single" "Spazz".[7]
Later in 1978, Steve Martin introduced a character Charles Knerlman, aka "Chaz the Spaz" on Saturday Night Live, in a skit with Bill Murray called "Nerds". Bill Murray later starred in the movie Meatballs which had a character named "Spaz."[8] Both shows portrayed a spaz as a nerd or somebody uncool in a comic setting. Thus, while Blue Peter shaped the modern British understanding of the term, American viewers were being bombarded with a different image.[5] In time, the term spaz, like its counterparts nerd and geek, lost its offensive nature and evolved into a term often used in self-deprecation.
The term occasionally appears in other North American movies or TV series such as Friends and receives a different reaction from British and American audiences. In one episode, Rachel refers to herself as a "laundry spaz" due to her inability to do the laundry. This comment was deemed offensive enough by the British Board of Film Classification to give the episode a 12 rating. Other episodes in the series are rated a step lower at PG.[9]
The difference in understanding of the term between British and American audiences was highlighted by an incident with the golfer Tiger Woods; after losing the US Masters Tournament in 2006, he said, "I was so in control from tee to green, the best I've played for years... But as soon as I got on the green I was a spaz." His remarks were broadcast and drew no attention in America. But they were widely reported in Britain, where they caused offence and were condemned by a representative of Scope and Tanni Grey-Thompson, a prominent paralympian. On learning of the furor over his comments, Woods' representative promptly apologized.[10][11]
Most Americans were surprised[citation needed] when they learned about the controversy. In fact, at least one American dictionary (Merriam Webster's) makes no reference to cerebral palsy in its definition or word origins. It simply defines "spaz" as a shortening of the word "spastic" and "one who is inept".[12]
Teresa | |
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 batya Making the WWW better, one post at a time. PeaNut 59,094 December 2002 Posts: 31,937 Layouts: 24 Loc: up on my high horse
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:49:35 AM
I have an uncle with severe developmental disabilities whom I used to care for daily, for whom I will be guardian one day. I did my legal internship at the Association for Retarded Citizens back in the day in NYC and I am hypersensitive to misuse of the word retarded.
That said, this would not have upset me and I would not have interjected. (UNLESS the kids he ridiculed really DID have disabilities. Which you didn't indicate.) KWIM?
That doesn't mean you were wrong. But it would not have been a blip on my mom radar. I just wanted to let you know where someone involved and sensitive stands on it. |
OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.
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 TREZmom Lost and Found in Pea-land PeaNut 138,098 March 2004 Posts: 5,847 Layouts: 2 Loc: NC but wishing I was somewhere else
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:50:30 AM
"spaz" is not a bad word/hate speech IMO. | |
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 jillt1405 PeaNut PeaNut 502,481 March 2011 Posts: 297 Layouts: 0 Loc: NE Spain
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:50:47 AM
My understanding , as a UK pea, is that it is very insulting and I certainly would pull anyone up for using it.....but then I find people being "pissed" to be a coarse reference to them being very drunk!!! |
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 Newbie2 Jeepers PEApers PeaNut 178,513 November 2004 Posts: 2,203 Layouts: 0 Loc: New England
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:52:06 AM
Assuming he was not speaking about someone with disabilities, I think you over-reacted.
I never thought or heard of spaz as a derogatory term.
I would not have said anything.
The kid sounds very respectful though. | |
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 giatocj AncestralPea PeaNut 6,331 August 2000 Posts: 4,910 Layouts: 143 Loc: Beautiful New England
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 10:52:24 AM
That term doesn't bother me at all. I definitely would not have said anything. | |
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 cm_stephenson BucketHead PeaNut 211,645 June 2005 Posts: 603 Layouts: 22 Loc: Kirriemuir, Scotland
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 11:02:26 AM
Another UK Pea here who would have done the same as you.
Unlike many of the posters here I would find using it to refer to a person without disabilities (and who is hyper or goofy) to be more offensive than if it was used colloquially to refer to a person with Cerebral Palsy
Cathy |
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There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. Edith Wharton
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 aslan PeaFixture PeaNut 138,465 March 2004 Posts: 3,667 Layouts: 28 Loc: South East
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 11:03:01 AM
Obviously by his reaction, he had no idea he was being offensive, and he was quick to apologize. I would have seen it as a teachable moment. It sounds like you rebuked him, and maybe a better approach would have been to go in assuming no ill will on his part. Let him know about your work on the board, that there are real people with real disabilities who might be unintentionally hurt by his words, and that while you know he meant no harm, you just thought it was something he'd want to be aware of.
I think that when you assume the best of people, they tend to respond much better and actually weigh the value of your opinion. If you come off like you're chiding, the tendency in most people is to get defensive and entirely miss the important point you're seeking to make.
Also, because of his reaction, which I think was really sweet and humble, I would probably value him as a potential friend for my kid, and not want to jeopardize that by possibly embarrassing him. If you get the chance to walk back what you said a bit, and let him know that you weren't getting on his case, it might be a good idea. |
"Tolerance is the virtue of the man without convictions."
- G.K. Chesterton
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 aslan PeaFixture PeaNut 138,465 March 2004 Posts: 3,667 Layouts: 28 Loc: South East
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 11:03:01 AM
Obviously by his reaction, he had no idea he was being offensive, and he was quick to apologize. I would have seen it as a teachable moment. It sounds like you rebuked him, and maybe a better approach would have been to go in assuming no ill will on his part. Let him know about your work on the board, that there are real people with real disabilities who might be unintentionally hurt by his words, and that while you know he meant no harm, you just thought it was something he'd want to be aware of.
I think that when you assume the best of people, they tend to respond much better and actually weigh the value of your opinion. If you come off like you're chiding, the tendency in most people is to get defensive and entirely miss the important point you're seeking to make.
Also, because of his reaction, which I think was really sweet and humble, I would probably value him as a potential friend for my kid, and not want to jeopardize that by possibly embarrassing him. If you get the chance to walk back what you said a bit, and let him know that you weren't getting on his case, it might be a good idea. |
"Tolerance is the virtue of the man without convictions."
- G.K. Chesterton
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 scorPEAo Ancient Ancestor of Pea PeaNut 181,836 December 2004 Posts: 5,032 Layouts: 0 Loc: YouSeeDavis
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You over reacted. I have never heard of spaz or spastic being used to refer to someone with special needs. |
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 gar Whoopea! PeaNut 172,235 October 2004 Posts: 12,685 Layouts: 0 Loc: England UK
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 11:05:23 AM
The difference in understanding of the term between British and American audiences was highlighted by an incident with the golfer Tiger Woods; after losing the US Masters Tournament in 2006, he said, "I was so in control from tee to green, the best I've played for years... But as soon as I got on the green I was a spaz." His remarks were broadcast and drew no attention in America. But they were widely reported in Britain, where they caused offence and were condemned by a representative of Scope and Tanni Grey-Thompson, a prominent paralympian. On learning of the furor over his comments, Woods' representative promptly apologized.[10][11]
That's where I'm coming from. The Spastic Society is a very old charity (now renamed Scope) founded to help people with cerebal palsy and other disabilities.
Spastic is the 'old' term for someone with a disability and although younger people here too now use it without knowing it's history (and therefore not in a hateful way IMO) I still find it a little uncomfortable to hear.
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"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
Stephen Roberts
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 peamac Ancient Ancestor of Pea PeaNut 340,335 October 2007 Posts: 5,633 Layouts: 1 Loc: Colorado
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 11:07:26 AM
I do have to say, sometimes we just the word "spaz" referring to someone who is normal (ie, not disabled) but being goofy or crazy about something.
That's what it meant when I was in highschool (early-mid 80's). Didn't know it changed meanings. |
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 Woobster The Banana Under the Couch Pea PeaNut 295,941 February 2007 Posts: 6,730 Layouts: 0 Loc: Somewhere over the rainbow...
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I have never heard or thought of the word spastic as being derogatory.
Same here. We have a dog we call "Spaz" all the time.
I never would have crossed my mind. | |
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 KikiPEA Pea, Glorious Pea PeaNut 43,536 July 2002 Posts: 15,441 Layouts: 170 Loc: In the land of loss...weight loss, that is. 35.5 down, 10-15 to go! :D
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 11:11:12 AM
I have never heard or thought of the word spastic as being derogatory. I don't think it refers to a disability at all
IF I use it at all, it is used this way. |
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 dottyscrapper PeaAddict PeaNut 311,985 April 2007 Posts: 1,133 Layouts: 0 Loc: UK
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 11:11:39 AM
I'm going out on a limb here and say I don't think that you overreacted but kudos to the young man for his apology. It might have been beneficial to explain to him why you found it unacceptable though as I'm sure he had no idea why you found it so.
I agree with what Sue has said here
I believe it is an older (and not as much used these days) term for Cerebral Palsy.
Personally, I don't like it. To me it's comparing a person who is clumsy/crazy/awkward with someone who has a disability - no different to calling someone who does something stupid a 'retard'.
This is where a different culture come in. It is a derogatory ( not hate )word in the UK and has been for some years for the reasons that Sue has pointed out.
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 busypea boring + nerdy PeaNut 52,817 October 2002 Posts: 25,508 Layouts: 145 Loc: Oregon
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 11:15:13 AM
I am generally pretty sensitive about these kinds of things, and "spaz" is not something on my radar.
You didn't do anything wrong, but I wouldn't have reacted the same way. | |
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 Nightowl scrapper Intl Assoc of Epic Length Posters - USA Chapter PeaNut 103,889 August 2003 Posts: 24,976 Layouts: 0 Loc: Colorado
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 11:17:43 AM
I also think you overreacted, and would hesitate to correct a child of that age in the manner you did. I don't think you taught him anything except that you are hypersensitive to words for no apparent reason. While people know what a 'retarded' person in the clinical sense is, as well as the connotations of calling someone 'gay', I would be very surprised if a person under a certain age without the kind of professional connections you have would have a clue that people with cerebral palsy were once called 'spastic'.
I think you were unduly harsh in calling it 'hateful language' if you felt you absolutely had to call him out at all. 'Hate' is a ridiculously overused and hyperbolic term in our society these days.
Should it happen again with another child (I suspect this one will keep his voice very soft in your home from now on, because he probably wonders what other words you will inexplicably consider hate speech) I would approach it from the aspect of "you know, that word bothers me, and this is why, because the original meaning was..." I would do the same if someone used other slang terms I found offensive.
Assuming someone has the same background and knowledge as you do and lashing out at them for being 'hateful', especially your child's friend who is (I presume) otherwise a thoughtful and polite person, is a bit over the top. |
"Until you put a thought into words, clearly and precisely, it is not a thought at all. It is a kind of fog rolling around inside the skull."
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 Shih Tzu Mommy Million dollar camera, 10 dollar lock! PeaNut 224,352 September 2005 Posts: 23,527 Layouts: 0 Loc: Right here
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 11:18:24 AM
no different to calling someone who does something stupid a 'retard' or something you don't like 'gay'.
That was sort of where my brain was. And I do have a few boys in the circle of friends between my two boys that use those words and they DO know not to say it in front of me unless they are using it clinically or to describe happiness.
It was like a grain of sand in my eye and I felt myself getting irritated each time he said it. I don't know either of the kids he was referring to and don't know if they have disabilities, but that would have gotten me upset pretty fast if I knew they did.
Sounds like I may have gone off the deep end in the PC world on this one though--I appreciate the feedback! And yes, he was very respectful in his response to me and I do think he is a nice young man. I am hoping he and my son forge a friendship, because their #1 college picks are the same and it would be nice for them to have a friend before they even got there (assuming they both get in).
Thanks Peas--always appreciate knowing I am going to get a frank response!
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 batya Making the WWW better, one post at a time. PeaNut 59,094 December 2002 Posts: 31,937 Layouts: 24 Loc: up on my high horse
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 11:19:46 AM
Your heart was in the right place. And the boy sounded respectful. |
OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.
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 Flat Four PeaNut PeaNut 241,216 January 2006 Posts: 299 Layouts: 0 Loc: Somewhere in England
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 11:22:27 AM
Yet another UK Pea chiming in to say yes (here anyway) it is an offensive word.
My friend has cerebral palsy and when she was younger her condition was called 'Spastic Quadriplegia' by the medical profession.
If anyone said the word 'spas' or anything like it in my hearing they would definitely be getting a telling off, ditto 'retard'. |
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 nanett PeaAddict PeaNut 50,755 October 2002 Posts: 1,886 Layouts: 16 Loc: NE Florida
 | Posted: 11/26/2012 11:22:58 AM
Totally depends on who he was talking about. If the students had disbilities, then spazzes / spastic is incredibly offensive. If it was just part of the typical population, then it was an over-reaction.
Spaz / spastic haven't, for me at least, crossed the same line as the 'r' word has. I get what you are saying though. Spastic is a medical diagnosis. To use it to mean out of control or whatever the current use is does demean kids diagnosed as spastic because the use is a result of the medical term. Does that make sense? Spastic is the term for tight muscle tone that causes uncontrollable movements. Calling someone spastic for being out of control IS using the medical diagnosis to describe someone in a less than flattering way based on the spastic movements of kids with that diagnosis. I don't think many people know the origin of the saying though. With the 'r' word, everyone clearly does. Does it make it any better? Not sure. | |
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