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In Focus
Wishing I was in Ireland
PeaNut 227,405
October 2005
Posts: 9,559
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Loc: Minneapolis, MN
 |  Posted: 12/6/2012 1:36:44 PM
Say you are older--in your 30's or 40's, or even 50's. And you are in a committed relationship and co-habitating. What terms do you use for one another when speaking to others or filling out forms? Significant Other? Boyfriend? Domestic Partner?
I have several friends in this situation, and none like any of the terms currently commonly used. Boyfriend sounds so immature. Significant other sounds so cold. Domestic partner sounds gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But the couples in question are heterosexual.
And how would you handle people assuming you are married and using the terms husband, wife, spouse? |
Barbie
"All that is necessary for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing." Edmund Burke
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aprilfay21
Mommy to Maximus!
PeaNut 270,034
July 2006
Posts: 12,309
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Loc: Houston
 | Posted: 12/6/2012 1:39:36 PM
If I were in a committed relationship and co-habitating I would have no problem with people using the term spouse/husband/wife. We currently use those terms even though we're actually engaged.
I think significant other sounds more mature than boyfriend/girlfriend, though. I don't see it as cold. |
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pinkabella
PeaAddict
PeaNut 486,481
October 2010
Posts: 1,036
Layouts: 5
Loc: SF Bay Area, CA
 | Posted: 12/6/2012 1:47:36 PM
I hear "partner" all the time.
I also have a bunch of colleagues who refer to their SO as "my man" or "my woman"...but that's just weird to me. | |
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Rhondito
MississiPEA
PeaNut 40,147
June 2002
Posts: 23,651
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Loc: Flowood, Mississippi
 | Posted: 12/6/2012 2:00:43 PM
If I were in a committed relationship and co-habitating I would have no problem with people using the term spouse/husband/wife. We currently use those terms even though we're actually engaged.
Why not just say fiance/fiancee?
For a couple who is not married or engaged, I think boyfriend and girlfriend are just fine. |
Rhonda
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likescarrots
PeaNut
PeaNut 563,786
August 2012
Posts: 310
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| Posted: 12/6/2012 2:02:44 PM
We used the term partner before we got married. I didn't really care if it sounded 'gay'. | |
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~SuburbanMom~
Wannabe FNPea!
PeaNut 82,318
April 2003
Posts: 9,114
Layouts: 35
Loc: In my garden
 | Posted: 12/6/2012 2:06:41 PM
Partner |
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Captain K
AncestralPea
PeaNut 247,594
February 2006
Posts: 4,495
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| Posted: 12/6/2012 2:16:29 PM
I would have no problem with people using the term spouse/husband/wife. We currently use those terms even though we're actually engaged.
Baby Daddy's never going to marry you, April. You are living in delusion, and using the word husband is just making it even worse.
OP, I'd say partner if you don't like boyfriend. I'd also suggest if you're ready to live together, what's the hold up on getting engaged? Fiance is a very nice term at any age. I guess unless people don't want to get married? | |
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peapermint
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 9,321
January 2001
Posts: 8,645
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Loc: all up in your business
 | Posted: 12/6/2012 2:17:40 PM
I have several acquaintances who say "my lover," and it makes me cringe every time. | |
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utmr
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 271,408
August 2006
Posts: 2,478
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| Posted: 12/6/2012 2:18:40 PM
Lady friend seems to be popular with senior citizens I know. | |
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pennyring
Thrift Ninja
PeaNut 226,011
October 2005
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Loc: Rite Aid
| Posted: 12/6/2012 2:38:14 PM
I really disliked people referring to my fiance' as my "partner" when we were engaged for a really long time. Just didn't like it. I called him my fiance' and that was it.
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In Focus
Wishing I was in Ireland
PeaNut 227,405
October 2005
Posts: 9,559
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Loc: Minneapolis, MN
| Posted: 12/6/2012 2:40:56 PM
I have several acquaintances who say "my lover," and it makes me cringe every time.
LOL! I know, right? That sounds so...skeevy.
OP, I'd say partner if you don't like boyfriend. I'd also suggest if you're ready to live together, what's the hold up on getting engaged? Fiance is a very nice term at any age. I guess unless people don't want to get married?
Well, in one case, the female says she loves him too much to marry him, lol. Seriously, she says they are very happy now, and why fix something that ain't broke?
In another case, both parties are very recently divorced, and a little gun-shy about marriage, even though they have known each other for decades. |
Barbie
"All that is necessary for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing." Edmund Burke
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Fraidyscrapper
Serious Interlocutor
PeaNut 38,100
May 2002
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| Posted: 12/6/2012 2:41:25 PM
I was never a fan of the adult "boyfriend/girlfriend." But dh still calls me his girlfriend and intends to be my boyfriend - I know what he means by it, and I like it, so it's OK by me. |
| "The sharpest criticism often goes hand in hand with the deepest idealism and love of country." - Robert F. Kennedy | |
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In Focus
Wishing I was in Ireland
PeaNut 227,405
October 2005
Posts: 9,559
Layouts: 74
Loc: Minneapolis, MN
| Posted: 12/6/2012 2:43:40 PM
I really disliked people referring to my fiance' as my "partner" when we were engaged for a really long time. Just didn't like it. I called him my fiance' and that was it.
Yeah, I can understand that. For some reason, "partner" just always makes me think the couple is gay. (Again, not that there's anything wrong with that. But the couples in question are NOT gay, and wouldn't want people to misunderstand.) |
Barbie
"All that is necessary for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing." Edmund Burke
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In Focus
Wishing I was in Ireland
PeaNut 227,405
October 2005
Posts: 9,559
Layouts: 74
Loc: Minneapolis, MN
| Posted: 12/6/2012 2:45:49 PM
Lady friend seems to be popular with senior citizens I know.
LOL. Yeah, if any of the people involved were actually senior citizens. But the age range is about 39-56. |
Barbie
"All that is necessary for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing." Edmund Burke
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eebud
Doxie Pea Mom
PeaNut 52,841
October 2002
Posts: 31,227
Layouts: 25
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sbartist1
BucketHead
PeaNut 295,246
February 2007
Posts: 948
Layouts: 27
Loc: Honolulu, HI
| Posted: 12/6/2012 2:52:22 PM
Companion
Spousal Alternative |
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In Focus
Wishing I was in Ireland
PeaNut 227,405
October 2005
Posts: 9,559
Layouts: 74
Loc: Minneapolis, MN
| Posted: 12/6/2012 2:54:42 PM
Spousal Alternative! LMAO!
I have a friend who always refers to his wife as his spousal unit. Which would sound cold and unfeeling if it wasn't so obvious how much he adored her. |
Barbie
"All that is necessary for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing." Edmund Burke
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SuPeaNatural
PeaAddict
PeaNut 412,905
February 2009
Posts: 1,650
Layouts: 5
Loc: Queensland, Australia
 | Posted: 12/6/2012 3:33:20 PM
The word here these days is 'partner', which I don't like - too cold, but I don't think it sounds 'gay'. To me a partner is someone you're in business with, so that term makes the relationship sound like just a work arrangement.
I don't find boy\girlfriend odd for any age really, although at 40 or 50, I'd probably drop the boy\girl and just say 'friend'. Especially if it's not that serious.
If you are a serious couple and\or live together, you could use 'Significant Other' because that's what the other person is to you. "Hi Jane, meet Bill my SO". 'Other half' would fit this category too.
If it's just a dating thing, SO or OH sounds too committed to me. So I guess it could be - "Hi Jane, meet Bill my current fling" 
"my man" or "my woman"..
I don't like that at all. I'm my own woman - not somebody elses!
Spousal Alternative
I've never heard that one before - love it! |
They're all crazy. They're all crazy except you and me. Sometimes I have my doubts about you! Martin - Dracula, 1931 | |
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aprilfay21
Mommy to Maximus!
PeaNut 270,034
July 2006
Posts: 12,309
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Loc: Houston
| Posted: 12/6/2012 3:40:59 PM
Why not just say fiance/fiancee?
We do, sometimes, depending on who we're talking to. We were using those terms before we were officially engaged and it's now mostly habit.
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V-Diddy
PeaNut
PeaNut 561,387
July 2012
Posts: 35
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 12/6/2012 3:43:43 PM
I would use Beloved in this situation.
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crimsoncat05
PeaFixture
PeaNut 273,602
August 2006
Posts: 3,338
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Loc: Phoenix, AZ area
| Posted: 12/6/2012 3:46:22 PM
good question, and one that I'm still wrestling with. My BF (there it is, lol!) and I have been together for almost 9 years, and are both in our 40s. We are not planning on getting married (for personal reasons), but boyfriend / girlfriend sounds so immature. Although I don't really like the way it sounds, I usually say "my BF..." when I'm talking about him, where most people would use "my husband..." in talking about their spouse.
I also don't like any of the other common terms for it- partner doesn't sound personal enough, and spouse sounds too formal. I don't feel comfortable calling him my husband, because he's not. If someone else refers to him as that, I usually don't go out of my way to correct them, but I never refer to him like that myself.
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"Accepting anything without question is the antithesis of critical thinking and education. ~wren*walk, 8/20/12"
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reneelcla
BucketHead
PeaNut 278,786
October 2006
Posts: 709
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 12/6/2012 3:47:49 PM
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I would have no problem with people using the term spouse/husband/wife. We currently use those terms even though we're actually engaged.
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Baby Daddy's never going to marry you, April. You are living in delusion, and using the word husband is just making it even worse.
OP, I'd say partner if you don't like boyfriend. I'd also suggest if you're ready to live together, what's the hold up on getting engaged? Fiance is a very nice term at any age. I guess unless people don't want to get married?
In April's case, since she lives in Texas, she could already be married:
Texas Law on Informal Marriage:
Texas: calls it an "informal marriage," rather than a common-law marriage. Under § 2.401 of the Texas Family Code, an informal marriage can be established either by declaration (registering at the county courthouse without having a ceremony), or by meeting a three-prong test showing evidence of (1) an agreement to be married; (2) cohabitation in Texas; and (3) representation to others that the parties are married. A 1995 update adds an evidentiary presumption that there was no marriage if no suit for proof of marriage is filed within two years of the date the parties separated and ceased living together.
Texas: | |
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AmeliaBloomer
BucketHead
PeaNut 509,476
May 2011
Posts: 543
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 12/6/2012 3:48:43 PM
I was in a situation once where a man referred to his "partner." Hitch: he was gay and he was a physician who owned a practice with another physician. He didn't provide much context and I wasn't sure how to respond.
Life partner, medical practice partner, business partner, musical writing partner, academic research/writing partner...little kids in school are routinely assigned partners to walk with in line...older kids do academic projects with partners or have lab partners.
And then there's dance partner.
I'll stop now.
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AmeliaBloomer
BucketHead
PeaNut 509,476
May 2011
Posts: 543
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 12/6/2012 3:51:14 PM
There's always "paramour," but I think you have to be European to pull that one off.
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PennyPaws
PeaAddict
PeaNut 551,978
April 2012
Posts: 1,533
Layouts: 61
Loc: Canada
 | Posted: 12/6/2012 3:52:08 PM
I like the sound of "other half", but for paperwork/formal situations I'd probably use "partner"... Probably because of my job, I get sidekick (could you use that ) and teammate sort of thoughts... In my mind, "significant other" doesn't make it clear that you're talking about a person - I want to ask, "significant other what?"
Avoid at all costs "lover" and "lady friend"... Always seems to me like they're trying so hard to sound modest while making sure people know they're having sex with each other   |
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Captain K
AncestralPea
PeaNut 247,594
February 2006
Posts: 4,495
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| Posted: 12/6/2012 3:54:04 PM
In April's case, since she lives in Texas, she could already be married:
Texas Law on Informal Marriage:
Texas: calls it an "informal marriage," rather than a common-law marriage. Under § 2.401 of the Texas Family Code, an informal marriage can be established either by declaration (registering at the county courthouse without having a ceremony), or by meeting a three-prong test showing evidence of (1) an agreement to be married; (2) cohabitation in Texas; and (3) representation to others that the parties are married. A 1995 update adds an evidentiary presumption that there was no marriage if no suit for proof of marriage is filed within two years of the date the parties separated and ceased living together.
Fascinating! Who knew? Common law marriage... sort of sad. | |
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cdnstorelady
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 218,176
August 2005
Posts: 6,122
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 12/6/2012 4:07:14 PM
I reaaly don't get this cslling someone a spouse if you're not married to them. To me it's like I own a Toyota Prius but I call it a Carolla because I think Prius is sounds immature.
My mom calls her live-in boyfriend her husband.she wanted my siblings children to call him Grampa Bob before they had ever even met him. I just want to say, he's not your husband, he's not their grandather..stop pushing everyone to do what you want....RRRRr. | |
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HeyAnne
Enjoying Today
PeaNut 1,847
November 1999
Posts: 6,309
Layouts: 352
Loc: CT, USA
 | Posted: 12/6/2012 4:19:57 PM
Serioso |
Felt Flower Collections at: www.carefreeglimmer.etsy.com
Certainty of death. Small chance of success. What are we waiting for?
- Gimli | |
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crimsoncat05
PeaFixture
PeaNut 273,602
August 2006
Posts: 3,338
Layouts: 99
Loc: Phoenix, AZ area
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e_doe
PeaNut
PeaNut 525,528
October 2011
Posts: 306
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 12/6/2012 4:27:15 PM
I call him "my fella," I have no idea what he calls me, and I'm probably better off not knowing. | |
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In Focus
Wishing I was in Ireland
PeaNut 227,405
October 2005
Posts: 9,559
Layouts: 74
Loc: Minneapolis, MN
| Posted: 12/6/2012 4:27:55 PM
Common law marriage is recognized only in the following states:
Alabama
Colorado
District of Columbia
Georgia (if created before 1/1/97)
Idaho (if created before 1/1/96)
Iowa
Kansas
Montana
New Hampshire (for inheritance purposes only)
Ohio (if created before 10/10/91)
Oklahoma
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island
South Carolina
Texas
Utah |
Barbie
"All that is necessary for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing." Edmund Burke
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BethAnneM
Hermetically sealed for your protection
PeaNut 95,504
July 2003
Posts: 7,479
Layouts: 0
Loc: Cali Baby
 | Posted: 12/6/2012 5:33:33 PM
Captain K, not everyone in a committed relationship wants to get married and who cares what they call each other.
I was 41 when my now DH and I became committed. He always called me his girlfriend and it always bugged me. I felt it was just too young of a term for a middle aged woman. |
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FLCindy
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 154,236
June 2004
Posts: 5,106
Layouts: 0
Loc: South Florida
 | Posted: 12/6/2012 5:45:18 PM
Hi Barbie,
How are you? I haven't seen you in ages!
At the "other board" things are hopping and it's fun again.
Boyfriend/Girlfriend is a term my older (senior 60+) relatives use for their boy friend or girl friend.
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Cheers from Southeast Sunny Florida!
Cindy
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angievp
Ideay pues?
PeaNut 143,106
April 2004
Posts: 6,689
Layouts: 36
Loc: Miami
| Posted: 12/6/2012 5:52:43 PM
"marinovio/marinovia"
LOLOL
Seriously...although this is a very Nicaraguan term. It's a combination of "marido" meaning husband and "novio" / "novia" meaning boyfriend/girlfriend.
I say this tongue-in-cheek, though, because one would never admit to having a marinovio/marinovia.
I never liked esposo or esposa (esposa also means handcuffs).
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candleangie
Sequin Sewer
PeaNut 140,337
April 2004
Posts: 14,641
Layouts: 104
Loc: Portland Oregon
| Posted: 12/6/2012 6:00:50 PM
My friends grandmother's guy was her Fella and she was his Sweetheart.  Cute. |
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wippea
PeaNut
PeaNut 564,948
August 2012
Posts: 44
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 12/6/2012 7:19:07 PM
In my mid-fifties and been co-habbing for 23 years. I usually refer to him by his name, and sometimes call him my "spouse equivalent". | |
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Kate-pea
PeaFixture
PeaNut 146,398
May 2004
Posts: 3,013
Layouts: 1
| Posted: 12/6/2012 8:08:50 PM
Partner or companion. |
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Rhondito
MississiPEA
PeaNut 40,147
June 2002
Posts: 23,651
Layouts: 2
Loc: Flowood, Mississippi
| Posted: 12/6/2012 10:02:26 PM
I reaaly don't get this cslling someone a spouse if you're not married to them.
I don't like it or agree with it. You're not married - if you're going to use those words, then get married. Just me though...
My friends grandmother's guy was her Fella and she was his Sweetheart. Cute.
Love!
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Rhonda
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smilesnpeacesigns
PeaFixture
PeaNut 341,236
October 2007
Posts: 3,414
Layouts: 1
 | Posted: 12/6/2012 10:13:51 PM
Well this explains it... I call my DH my sweetheart or my honey and I called him that before we got married. That might be just a southern thing though.
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| Even with the snark, trolls and spelling police you are a great group of ladies! | |
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Jenny Lilac
For Esme with Love and Squalor
PeaNut 45,964
August 2002
Posts: 11,639
Layouts: 276
Loc: Pioneer Valley, Massachusetts
| Posted: 12/6/2012 10:56:47 PM
I'd use partner without the domestic. |
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TinCin
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 29,331
February 2002
Posts: 6,277
Layouts: 0
Loc: Living in the palm of the hand.
| Posted: 12/6/2012 11:58:40 PM
Stud muffin
Seriously I have no idea and generally say "friend" or BF even though we are in our 50s. |
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princesslasertron
PeaFixture
PeaNut 273,273
August 2006
Posts: 3,753
Layouts: 16
Loc: omaha, nebraska
| Posted: 12/7/2012 12:35:43 AM
partner.
or I'd just say 'spouse.' |
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leftturnonly
Will trade mosquitoes for cookies.
PeaNut 416,788
March 2009
Posts: 19,757
Layouts: 0
Loc: Living in Kim's Perfect World, again.
| Posted: 12/7/2012 1:49:30 AM
Captain K, not everyone in a committed relationship wants to get married and who cares what they call each other.
Well, April should care.
She very well could be considered already married common law under Texas law.
April, you need to learn these laws for your own benefit and protection.
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If PC is the way to get to Heaven, I'm going straight to Hell.
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cycworker
On dry runs Santa drives the Isuzu
PeaNut 159,331
July 2004
Posts: 9,390
Layouts: 0
Loc: Vancouver Island, BC, Canada
| Posted: 12/7/2012 1:51:54 AM
When I was growing up, my mom's unmarried couple friends used either significant other or partner.
I think most of my peers use partner. Some use boyfriend/girlfriend. I admit that I don't like bf or gf once you're past your early to mid 20s. |
-Tania... but people who like me call me `Tang`
The secret of a good life is to have the right loyalties and hold them in the right scale of values.
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US socialist politician (1884 - 1968)
Human and civil rights should NEVER be subject to the tyranny of the majority. Minorities gain legal equality only when those in power come to understand that their unearned privilege is wrong, and enforce change upon society. - ProfessorZed | |
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Shih Tzu Mommy
Million dollar camera, 10 dollar lock!
PeaNut 224,352
September 2005
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| Posted: 12/7/2012 8:22:15 AM
If I were in a committed relationship and co-habitating I would have no problem with people using the term spouse/husband/wife. We currently use those terms even though we're actually engaged.
You are lying everytime you do that. It is no different than if my son, who is a Junior in college said he is a graduate of that school. He is not. He will be, but he is not. And you are engaged, not married. When you are THEN you get to use the word husband.
I don't understand why saying 'my fiancee/fiance' is so difficult?
I have several acquaintances who say "my lover," and it makes me cringe every time.
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LOL! I know, right? That sounds so...skeevy.
It reminds me of the Rachael Dratch/Will Ferrell sketch. Makes my skin crawl. |
Dog people are a special breed! | |
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GrinningCat
Proudly Canadian
PeaNut 43,061
July 2002
Posts: 31,754
Layouts: 2
| Posted: 12/7/2012 8:28:38 AM
I have a couple of friends that switch fairly evenly between "partner" and "husband/wife". They are married in all senses other than the piece of paper. It makes sense. I can't imagine them calling each other "boyfriend/girlfriend" as they are so far beyond that.
You are lying everytime you do that. It is no different than if my son, who is a Junior in college said he is a graduate of that school. He is not. He will be, but he is not. And you are engaged, not married. When you are THEN you get to use the word husband.
I don't understand why saying 'my fiancee/fiance' is so difficult?
It's not a lie at all. If you are in a long term, co-habitating relationship, you are essentially husband and wife. Does a piece of paper really make that much of a difference? I doubt any of my common law/cohabitating friends would agree with you. They are married... minus some piece of paper declaring them married. It's not a lie and I think you're over-reacting. Big time. | |
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aprilfay21
Mommy to Maximus!
PeaNut 270,034
July 2006
Posts: 12,309
Layouts: 98
Loc: Houston
| Posted: 12/7/2012 8:35:31 AM
You are lying everytime you do that. It is no different than if my son, who is a Junior in college said he is a graduate of that school. He is not. He will be, but he is not. And you are engaged, not married. When you are THEN you get to use the word husband.
I don't understand why saying 'my fiancee/fiance' is so difficult?
I wasn't going to argue about titles until you called me a liar. Leftturnonly, we do fall under the parameters of being common law married. In Texas at least, common law married IS married. But we still plan to do the wedding, just haven't set an official date yet. |
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debgscraps
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 177,754
November 2004
Posts: 2,158
Layouts: 20
Loc: WI
| Posted: 12/7/2012 10:30:35 AM
what about "roomate"? | |
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Shih Tzu Mommy
Million dollar camera, 10 dollar lock!
PeaNut 224,352
September 2005
Posts: 23,527
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Loc: Right here
| Posted: 12/7/2012 10:36:47 AM
I wasn't going to argue about titles until you called me a liar. Leftturnonly, we do fall under the parameters of being common law married. In Texas at least, common law married IS married. But we still plan to do the wedding, just haven't set an official date yet.
Are you sure?
Texas: A man and woman who want to establish a common-law marriage must sign a form provided by the county clerk. In addition, they must (1) agree to be married, (2) cohabit, and (3) represent to others that they are married.
Here is the reference
So you went to the county clerk and signed a form? Why not just get married then by the JOP? |
Dog people are a special breed! | |
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aprilfay21
Mommy to Maximus!
PeaNut 270,034
July 2006
Posts: 12,309
Layouts: 98
Loc: Houston
| Posted: 12/7/2012 10:53:20 AM
I'm sure. Try checking an actual state website.
www.dshs.state.tx.us
Does Texas Recognize "Common Law" marriage?
Common-law marriage, also known as "informal marriage" is legal in Texas. A couple may choose whether or not to register their informal marriage. If they do choose to register, both the husband and wife must appear before the County Clerk to file a Declaration of Informal Marriage. The couple must list the date on the declaration from which they have considered themselves married. In other words, a couple can be married for some period of time before registering their informal marriage.
There are two ways a couple may prove that they are informally married:
They can file a Declaration of Informal Marriage (available from the County Clerk's office)
or
They meet all of the following conditions:
the couple agrees that they are married;
they live together in Texas; and
They represent themselves to other individuals that they are married to one another [Family Code § 2.401]
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