Would you put your 13-14yo on birth control?

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Posted 12/7/2012 by cocoanmom in NSBR Board
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cocoanmom
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Posted: 12/7/2012 8:07:53 AM
If your 8th grader came to you and said her boyfriend who is a Jr in high school wanted to have sex...what would you advise her? Would you put her on the pill ?

Father is a single Dad who has had help with raising his 2 kids by his mother. DD bio Mom is an alcoholic whom she sees on weekends. My sister is the now girlfriend to the Dad.


kmk1112
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Posted: 12/7/2012 8:10:21 AM
I have a 14 year old. First, I would be very thankful that she came to me. I think I would talk to her until I was blue in the face to talk her out of it-all of the moral, physical and psychological reasons a child of that age shouldn't be sexually active. Then, I think I would take her and get her put on BC, and on the way home, stop by CVS and buy her condoms too and make sure she knew how to use them.


PEArfect
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Posted: 12/7/2012 8:17:34 AM
My oldest dd is 13yo. I cant even imagine. After I got over the initial shock I would be happy that she felt she could discuss it openly with me. I would ask her what she wanted. He shouldn't be pressuring her to do anything she doesn't want to do. 13/14yo aren't mature enough to be in a sexual relationship. I would talk about the risk of pregnancy (even with bc), and STDs. I guess the direction of our conversation would determine what I would do next.


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jgpea
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Posted: 12/7/2012 8:29:50 AM
1). my 8th grade DD would NOT be dating an 11th grader!

2). any further questions, see #1!
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GroovyPea
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Posted: 12/7/2012 8:33:40 AM

1). my 8th grade DD would NOT be dating an 11th grader!

2). any further questions, see #1!


That.

Is dad really okay with his 8th grade DD "dating"/sleeping with an 11th grade boy?


Steph

gritzi
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Posted: 12/7/2012 8:36:00 AM
I agree w/previous poster. A Jr in high school is way too old for an 8th grader!! My initial reaction is once the 8th grader says yes to sex, dear Jr will be gone. Sadly, the girl will be left with a reputation along with a broken heart.


TheOtherMeg
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Posted: 12/7/2012 8:38:51 AM
What a difficult decision to make! Actually, the decision is pretty easy in the end (yes, I would take her to the doc and discuss BC methods), but the whole reveal & discussion would be tough.

I would like to think I'd keep my head on and discuss things rationally, but just the thought of an 11th grade boy making my 8th grade daughter consider sex would push me to the edge. He may not be forcing her in the physical sense, but I can totally see an 8th grade girl thinking she's got to put out if she wants to keep her 11th grade boyfriend. I'm pretty sure I'd have a hard time not making the boy out to be a jerk just for dating an 8th grader, much less having sex with her.

I'm enough of a realist to know that if a girl wants to have sex, she'll figure out a way to do it. After a thorough talk about the health (physical and mental) and responsibility aspects of having sex, and a chat about how this may very well affect her reputation for the next 4 years (because I'm not above playing that card!), I would definitely make sure she was on reliable birth control AND knew all about condoms and had access to them.



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laurelleaves
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Posted: 12/7/2012 8:40:00 AM
I have a JR in high school and just asked him about dating an 8th grader. He thought it was really creepy and said it would be like dating the little girl across the street (who is in 8th grade). No way, no how!

That being said, I would try to discourage this relationship because of the age difference and maturity difference. If that didn't work, I would definitely put her on BC.


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Posted: 12/7/2012 8:50:36 AM
While I don't love the thought of my 14 year old daughter having sex, I would rather have her on the pill than pregnant.

However, WTF is a jr. in high school boy doing dating a 13-14 yo girl?? I'm sorry, but that boy needs to have his damn head examined. Can you say statutory rape??


moveablefeast
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Posted: 12/7/2012 9:10:38 AM
Man, being a single dad has got to be one of the hardest jobs there is. Right there with being a single mom. And the dad of a hormonally charged young daughter... yikes. And the added baggage of an alcoholic bio mom... poor girl has to be hurting and confused. But did she go to her dad? If she did, then big kudos to him. Big, big kudos. He is doing something right in a less than ideal situation. And if she went to another family member, kudos to them too, for her trust in them.

I would personally be doing everything in my power to prevent my eighth grader from jumping into sexual activity. But I was only a year older than this when I got started. And it was bad news. Just bad news.

Ultimately? I would rather she was protected than not. Bottom line - and I would be encouraging longer acting birth control like the Implanon - that is one of the new recommendations, that teens would use longer acting birth control than the pill.

But you better believe I would be fighting it every step of the way.

happytobemom
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Posted: 12/7/2012 9:29:57 AM
Welllll....my husband would be making a visit to the father and the teen son and explain to him that there is to be no more contact.

I would be heavily monitoring my daughters where abouts and phone/internet activity. An 8th grader is too young to date or have a boyfriend--especially an 11th grade boyfriend.

And yes, I would consider a long term birth control method.

Maryland
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Posted: 12/7/2012 9:56:07 AM
That's a big age difference! I have an 8th grader and can't imagine what an 11th grader and 8th grader would have in common.

My daughter is 15 (10th grader) and she won't even date a boy that is 14 (9th grade). So I never have to worry about her dating a boy that much younger or older than she is.

SueSume
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Posted: 12/7/2012 9:58:27 AM
x infinity


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Posted: 12/7/2012 10:03:17 AM
Age difference aside, because that's a moot point, really. I think all of you who are saying NO WAY!! Would NOT be happening...haven't had a determined teenager who thinks she's in love.

That said...Yes. God help me. But yes. If my child came to me inquiring about birth control, I'd play it safe, rather than sorry. She's talking...and it might not be what I want to hear...but I hope I'm listening, regardless.

And of course, I would discourage the relationship, discourage the sex and restrict her in all ways that I could. But I think I'd like a little back up protection while doing so.


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Posted: 12/7/2012 10:11:34 AM
Can a 13 yr old remember to take the pill everyday? I'd be sure doing something about it, I just don't know what. Hugs to the father, I'm sure it is stressful.






ksuheather
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Posted: 12/7/2012 10:18:33 AM
After all the talking etc. yes, I'd put her on some sort of long lasting BC. I'd rather not be raising a grandchild.

Of course the age difference gets me. I wouldn't let my 8th grader date, much less an 11th grader. That said, in a year they would be a freshman and senior and would you be ok with that?



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pheestand
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Posted: 12/7/2012 11:18:30 AM
As much as we all would like to think this couldn't possibly happen to MY kid(s)... you're right. Most kids would make the decision for themselves and not consult with a parent or adult about making the decision first.

Kudos to you for having the relationship with her to have her comfortable enough to come to you first.

Now that the door is open so to speak, take a moment to get past the shock any parent would have and take a deep breath. Your next reaction to her will set the tone from here on out.

Continue talking to her with an open ear, LISTEN to her more than speak, answer her question with a question, especially in as nonjudgmental way as possible. Obviously you want to be supportive of her decision to be "mature" about wanting to think it through first. Let her know that with sex comes very adult responsibilities. Let her know that you feel you should have her speak to her doctor about it as well, since the doctor will have an unbiased eye to look at the situation and can offer some very specific recommendations as how to proceed. When you schedule your consultation with the doctor, be sure to forewarn her/him of the nature of your visit so they can be prepared as well.

Chances are, regardless of what your opinions are, the 13-14 yr old will made the decision on their own. Encourage her to come to you to talk ANYTIME for any reason. If the decision is made, then precautions need to be taken. But I certainly hope if she's mature and responsible enough to open the door and ask you for help/opinions that you can keep the door open and guide her to the right decision.

AND yes, in the back of my head I'm thinking a JUNIOR? I may have to include him in a conversation or two in the presence of my daughter AND his parents somehow (although that may be counter productive... I'm no Dr. Phil! )

.emily.
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Posted: 12/7/2012 11:21:18 AM
Yes. I hate the whole "putting a girl on the pill will make it okay to have sex" because they're probably going to have it anyway. Make sure you talk about condoms too and the waiting period before BC takes effect.

cocoanmom
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Posted: 12/7/2012 11:25:34 AM
I think at the time she was looking for a way to get out of it. For my sister and her Dad to say NO..Jr boyfriend that is so serious. No short dresses and 5in heels that look like she is a 23 yo clubbing girl. No going out with out supervision. They ALWAYS went or go to his house. Because his parents are not home.

If you saw her on the street you would think she is in her 20's. Her Grandmother thinks it is so beautiful! Well she is a beautiful GIRL . Not a woman.
My sister and her dad did put their head in the sand. They knew that she was running around with him. That things were happening really fast. So at 12-13 she was doing adult things.

I think the age difference is a biggie to me. She is having problems are school with people saying she is a slut and a whore.
I have a son who is 3 years older than she is and when I met her recently...I thought she was older than my son. I had no idea she was 14.

If it was me I would have discouraged it like a crazy. No tight and provocative clothes. Less make up etc. No going out without parents around .
Maybe they put her on BC because they just don't want to deal with it. At least protected from pregnancy. But so many girls still get STD's.

cyndijane
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Posted: 12/7/2012 12:13:59 PM
I have no girls at this point, and my boys are still little, but I'm watching my sister's 10 yr old like a hawk. (Not in any kind of "big brother is watching" kind of way, more so to prep myself for how quickly she's developing emotionally & physically, so if we end up with a girl one day, I've seen it up close and personal.) I can completely see her facing this situation.

Honestly, I would recommend to my sister that she yes, take daughter into the dr for a very frank discussion, get the BC, go over how to use condoms, and then go with her through a self-defense class. At that early teen age, its so easy for them to get caught up in the emotions of the relationship- I would want to open her eyes to the possibilities of what could happen. Not just in a rape situation, but something that gives her a deeper awareness of *herself* in different situations.

I think this situation is more than just will she have sex. Now, a 14 yr old girl probably won't see that on her own. I'm a firm beliver in sex after marriage. But if she's determined she's ready, I realize no one can stop her, and I'd rather her go into that next stage of life with as much support as I can give her.

myshelly
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Posted: 12/7/2012 12:56:37 PM
Yes, absolutely.


doesitmatter?
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Posted: 12/7/2012 3:07:25 PM
Yes.

Aside from the fact about the rules / discussions I would have. I also would not be ok with this relationship/ age difference. This whole thing is very different than how it is in my house - but without a doubt I would provide any of my children birth control and condoms when asked - and have made them readily available in a known household spot so that it is available without having to be asked. I promote abstinence and Christian morals, but I also provide the basics/supplies - because we all know how things happen - planned or unplanned and we are prepared. I have always said, no questions - if you protection, I will always provide it.


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ADD_Housewife
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Posted: 12/7/2012 3:16:09 PM
she's below the age of consent.

I would be having a serious sit down with the boy and his parents to make sure they all understand the legal implications of continuing the relationship. If they have sex, the boy could end up listed as a sex offender for the rest of his life. Regardless of whether or not she agreed to it, the boy could be charged with statutory rape.

The girl also needs to understand that the law says she is not of an age to make this sort of decision without getting the boy in to a lot of trouble.

Then, I'd throw up. Call me best friend. Scream a little where my kid couldn't hear me. Wonder where I went wrong as a parent. And still not know what the heck I'd want to do.

A woman I know just had to get plan B for her 14 yr old.

Honestly, I'd rather not have a sexually active 14 yr old. Since that isn't an option in your scenario, I'd opt for birth control rather than child support.



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Posted: 12/7/2012 3:24:41 PM
My daughter is in 8th grade. She is 14. Her older brother is a junior in high school. He is 16. There may not be that much of an age difference. BUT that being said. My 14 year old daughter would not be dating a junior in high school. There would be no contact. I would also put her on the pill, teach her to use condoms correctly, and talk for hours on end about the moral, emotional and physical consequences of having sex.


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Captain K
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Posted: 12/7/2012 3:37:28 PM
My 13 year old wouldn't be out of my SIGHT. I don't understand those that say "Kids will do what they want to." Maybe when they're 16 and have a driver's license. But at 13? Absolutely not. My kids just barely have gotten the privileges to go see movies with friends (where we drop them off and pick them up) at 13, and those privileges would be curtailed right quick.

Frankly, I think some parents are willing to just shrug their shoulders and say "kids will do what kids will do," instead of putting in the hard work of changing their schedule so they can supervise them, going in uncomfortable situation, being the "mean" parent who says they can't go somewhere or do something.

At 15 or 16, we'd be having a different conversation, but at 13 and in Junior High, my kids are/were still VERY much under my physical supervision if needed.

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Posted: 12/7/2012 3:45:58 PM

At 15 or 16, we'd be having a different conversation, but at 13 and in Junior High, my kids are/were still VERY much under my physical supervision if needed.


So were mine. Even in high school. And I'm a diligent parent who double checks stories, calls parents and checks up on kids. But unless you, quite literally, chain them to your side, you're being an idiot if you ignore a kid *asking* for birth control...especially one who is only 13.



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asr70
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Posted: 12/7/2012 4:03:43 PM

So were mine. Even in high school. And I'm a diligent parent who double checks stories, calls parents and checks up on kids. But unless you, quite literally, chain them to your side, you're being an idiot if you ignore a kid *asking* for birth control...especially one who is only 13.
Exactly. There are what, 5 to 7 hours in a school day where they are not under your supervision. If he has a car lunch time sex is quite easy. So is skipping out for some. I missed 48 classes in one term before they called my parents in Gr 12. 48. It seems like it is tougher now, but the possibility could exist. It just takes one teacher to not report an absence.

And yes, as gross as that conversation would be I would. Thank god i never happened.




nicolemartel
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Posted: 12/7/2012 4:24:55 PM
I wouldn't like it (so glad I have a boy), but I'd rather be safe then sorry... She's going to do what she wants when you're not around... So I would put her on the pill and get her a box of condoms.


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HannahRuth
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Posted: 12/7/2012 4:39:09 PM


First, I would be very thankful that she came to me. I think I would talk to her until I was blue in the face to talk her out of it-all of the moral, physical and psychological reasons a child of that age shouldn't be sexually active. Then, I think I would take her and get her put on BC, and on the way home, stop by CVS and buy her condoms too and make sure she knew how to use them.

that^^

I would rather not have her sexually active but things do happen and I would rather not be a grandmother or have a single mother at this age.

Epeanymous
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Posted: 12/7/2012 4:44:05 PM
A friend of mine from a very religious household got pregnant at 14. She had sex on campus during lunch. I really wish there were a way to stop kids that age from having sex. I think it is perfectly healthy (yes, I do) for older teens to have a sexual relationship, but 13/14? Every single person I knew who was sexually active at that age ended up with Big Problems.

So, I tend to think I would supervise the child at all times that I could, *and* put them on birth control. And maybe send them to a family therapist.

redayh
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Posted: 12/7/2012 4:46:03 PM
I'd counsel her, get her the BC and then I would explain to her and that semi-grown 16 or 17 year old that she wants to screw that she is below the age of consent and that if they do it, I'll put him in jail. That is all.
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Gsquaredmom

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Posted: 12/7/2012 5:40:52 PM
Yes.


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Posted: 12/7/2012 6:26:38 PM
Absolutely.

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Posted: 12/7/2012 6:42:42 PM
Yes.


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Posted: 12/7/2012 7:10:39 PM
There's no way I'd let either my DD or DS date at 13...it's just too young. Perfect age for crushes, IMO, not for "alone time" with a boyfriend or girlfriend. It's asking for trouble. In this situation, I'd get the other parents involved, and there wouldn't be any further dates. I would expect some rebellion, but I'd stay the course and I really think the young teen expects and hopes for that kind of controlled environment. They will test the waters, but at 13 a child is clueless as to what having sex that young could do to them in the long run.






Just T
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Posted: 12/7/2012 7:49:34 PM
I have to say that I am pretty shocked that not many people who have responded here have addressed the fact that a 17 yo junior in high school having sex with a 13 year old is legally statutory rape.

Someone mentioned them having sex at lunch...how in the world would a jr. in high school be able to go into a middle school, meet up with his girl, and have sex? Where I live, you can't just waltz into a school like that.

As for this:



They ALWAYS went or go to his house. Because his parents are not home.



Does her dad seriously LET her go to his house?? I sure as heck hope not.

Epeanymous
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Posted: 12/7/2012 8:12:28 PM
I didn't address statutory rape because that isn't statutory rape in every state.

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Posted: 12/7/2012 8:16:23 PM
14-->17 is statuatory rape in many states. I'd be talking to the parents of the boy and the boy himself and DD would be non-dating until further notice. (honestly, I have boys so I have no idea)

My cousin had her first kid a wek before she turned 15. 14 year olds do have sex unfortunately.


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Posted: 12/8/2012 3:27:25 PM
First, I would be glad she came to me BEFORE going any further with her BF. Second, this is an opportunity for open conversation and education. Be honest with her and share your own feelings. One thing my mother told me was "If you become pregnant, you are tied to another person for the rest of your life and the life of your child." Good luck to you!


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myshelly
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Posted: 12/8/2012 3:32:02 PM

I have to say that I am pretty shocked that not many people who have responded here have addressed the fact that a 17 yo junior in high school having sex with a 13 year old is legally statutory rape.


That is because it is NOT a fact. It is NOT "legally statutory rape".

Statutory rape laws are state laws. They are different in every state. In some states this situation may be statutory rape. In a lot of states it is NOT.

Since I don't know what state this girl lives in, I cannot say whether it is statutory rape or not, so I said nothing about it.

ETA: Not to mention the fact that we don't know the actual ages of the people involved. The OP only says 8th grader (who could be 13 or 14 based on title) and a HS jr. Those differences matter a lot when we are talking stat rape. We dint have enough facts to declare it stat rape, so saying it is a FACT that it is legally statutory rape is blatantly untrue.






asr70
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Posted: 12/8/2012 3:33:46 PM

Someone mentioned them having sex at lunch...how in the world would a jr. in high school be able to go into a middle school, meet up with his girl, and have sex? Where I live, you can't just waltz into a school like that.
That was me. I went to an 8 through 12 high school and so did DD so I don't think in terms of middle school.




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Posted: 12/8/2012 3:48:49 PM

so saying it is a FACT that it is legally statutory rape is blatantly untrue.



Well, I never said it is a FACT. Sheesh. I'm not a lawyer, or up on statutory rape laws in all states. Excuse me for saying anything. I was just shocked that no one really mentioned that. I never claimed to be an expert giving facts.

ETA: I guess if this were MY daughter who was an 8th grader, coming to me saying her junior in hs 17 yo boyfriend wanted her to have sex, I would most definately be looking into what the SR laws are in my state, and I would definately be sharing what I found out with said boyfriend. I think a 17 year old jr in hs dating and having sex with a 13 yo 8th grader is disgusting.

myshelly
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Posted: 12/8/2012 3:52:35 PM
Um, yes you did. You used the word "fact".


I have to say that I am pretty shocked that not many people who have responded here have addressed the fact that a 17 yo junior in high school having sex with a 13 year old is legally statutory rape.


"Not many people have addressed the FACT that ... is LEGALLY statutory rape".




Just T
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Posted: 12/8/2012 3:59:42 PM
Okay, you're right. I'm sorry, I didn't realize I used the word fact. I guess I just assumed that a 17 yo having sex with a 13 yo would be SR. Like I said, I'm no expert in laws about SR at all.



Pretty In PeaNK

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Posted: 12/8/2012 4:02:36 PM
I think having sex at 13 is a whole heck of a lot less traumatic than giving birth at 14.


"How are we going to get rid of racism? Stop talking about it!"--Morgan Freeman

expoedu1
PeaNut

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Posted: 12/8/2012 5:49:42 PM
This is one of those moments when I'm glad I don't have kids. That being said, the long talk with both girl and boy and boy's parents first, then BC and a long talk about using condoms and the pill. After seeing a pregnant 14 year old buying baby presents for a shower for her 14 year old friend (!!!), I'm no longer naive to think that the girl won't do it (or isn't already) if she's asking to be on the pill.

desertpea
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 12/8/2012 6:18:39 PM
I'd find out what exactly she is lacking in her life at 13 that she thinks sex and a relationship with someone outside her day to day social circle is supposed to fill.

And then fill every waking hour of her life with so much scheduled productive activity that she'll have no time to even think of sneaking out to be with this young man.

Giving her birth control is giving her permission to have sex. Obviously, it doesn't mean that is your intention, but that is how this girl will see it. She is looking to you to provide moral guidance, and it is at that moment that you most definitely use that opportunity to explain without a shadow of a doubt that she is more than a sexual object.

You get one opportunity not to screw up her self image for a lifetime and tell her she is so much more than that -- she is an intelligent, beautiful young woman who can make the choice to have men eating out of her hand when she is older, or the source of nasty jokes about her sexual behavior now.

Go the other route and this girl will start bringing home or sneaking off to meet guys in their twenties, because her self worth will be based around sex with men. It won't ever stop.

beachgurl
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

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Posted: 12/8/2012 6:21:37 PM
Well her parents seem fine with it, and it sounds like they even encourage it.

My child? Let's see. No. No birth control at 8th grade. What I would do is realize that I had completely screwed up so far. I'd be rearranging my work hours to accomodate as close to 24/7 supervison as possible. I'd be researching the law and would not for a second hesitate to have him charged with rape if possible. I'd let hom know this in advance, and his parents as well. We'd be switching schools, even if it meant moving to a rental. And she wouldn't be dating.
Heck, I'd even consider having a sister in another state have her live there for the rest of the school year. No way I'd take it sitting down. My kid is worth fighting for.

If I were the girlfriend in this case, I'd be history. I'd have no part in mentoring the attitude that this could be acceptable.




ScrapWench*
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Posted: 12/8/2012 6:36:10 PM

1). my 8th grade DD would NOT be dating an 11th grader!

2). any further questions, see #1!


I hope that is the case, but you are up against teenage hormones, they I think are more powerful than kryptonite is to superman. So, saying the above, is not actually any help in *this* situation or any situation for that matter.

In this case, I would do everything in my power to educate the girl, as well as having a discussion with the 17 year old and his parents. I would hope that my girls would never be in a situation like OP described, but I know if they came to me I would have them on BCs so fast they would have whiplash. To my knowledge (and their blabbermouth sisters), they have not. But then, I have done everything I could to educate my girls, as well as being very diligent in where they go and who they see. But, they are wily teenagers and shit happens even with perfect parents.

In my case, my oldest dd has been with the same boy for 3 years. Is she having sex? I don't *think* so, but she is an adult, almost 19, so it is none of my business. What is my business, though, is to make sure we have educated her and that we have protected her (she is on the pill) to the best of our abilities and hope that she makes decisions that are right for where she wants to go in life.

I sure hope that the young girl's dad takes care of his dd and does what is necessary to protect his dd, whether it is BCPs and education, or talking to the boy and his family.


----Theresa

Edgy Coolness
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Posted: 12/8/2012 6:39:00 PM



Epeanymous
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Posted: 12/7/2012 8:12:28 PM
I didn't address statutory rape because that isn't statutory rape in every state.



I know you've posted you are a lawyer but IT IS STATUTORY RAPE in all 50 States because she is a minor under the age of legal consent in ALL 50 even with the provisos as they are stated in the chart and therefore unable to give consent. Also because of her age, the secondary mandatory reporters for Child Abuse kick in.


Statutory Rape: A Guide to State Laws and Reporting Requirements Summary of Current State Laws

The minimum age for consent varies by State but it is generally between 16-18 years old and the definition of Statutory Rape is defined by the age of the sex offender as well as the difference in their respective ages depending on the State Law.

To the OP, if it were me (and since I have had a lifetime of seeing "throw away" children and abused children to last me until eternity in my career), I would be having the "Come to Jesus" talk with your sister and tell her that you will be reporting ALL of them to CPS if they don't get Family Counseling and individual counseling for the Girl and I would follow up on it. If they "can't" afford it, there are programs that can be accessed through "the system" that can help that child from becoming a lifetime victim of sexual abuse.

I would also print out from Rainn.org the following and highlight it and hand it to Grandma, Daddy, Your Sister and the Boy:

Was I Raped?



There are three main considerations in judging whether or not a sexual act is consensual (which means that both people are old enough to consent, have the capacity to consent, and agreed to the sexual contact) or is a crime.

1. Are the participants old enough to consent? Each state sets an "age of consent," which is the minimum age someone must be to have sex. People below this age are considered children and cannot legally agree to have sex. In other words, even if the child or teenager says yes, the law says no.
*In most states, the age of consent is 16 or 18. In some states, the age of consent varies according to the age difference between the participants. Generally, "I thought she was 18" is not considered a legal excuse -- it's up to you to make sure your partner is old enough to legally take part.
*Because laws are different in every state, it is important to find out the law in your state. You can call your local crisis center or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE to find out more about the laws in your state.
2. Do both people have the capacity to consent? States also define who has the mental and legal capacity to consent. Those with diminished capacity — for example, some people with disabilities, some elderly people and people who have been drugged or are unconscious -- may not have the legal ability to agree to have sex.
*These categories and definitions vary widely by state, so it is important to check the law in your state. You can call your local crisis center or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE to find out more about the laws in your state.
3. Did both participants agree to take part? Did someone use physical force to make you have sexual contact with him/her? Has someone threatened you to make you have intercourse with them? If so, it is rape.
* It doesn't matter if you think your partner means yes, or if you've already started having sex -- "No" also means "Stop." If you proceed despite your partner's expressed instruction to stop, you have not only violated basic codes of morality and decency, you may have also committed a crime under the laws of your state (check your state's laws for specifics).


And I would give this one to GRANDMA since she likes to tart up her barely teen Granddaughter which is a sign of "grooming" another lifelong victim of sexual abuse:

Child Sexual Abuse


Contact Can Include:

Fondling
Obscene phone calls
Exhibitionism
Masturbation
Intercourse
Oral or anal sex
Prostitution
Pornography
Any other sexual conduct that is harmful to a child's mental, emotional, or physical welfare

Additional Features

May consist of a single incident or many acts over a long period of time.
Abuse is more often perpetrated by someone known to the child.
Abuse may escalate over time, particularly if the abuser is a family member.

Adult Reactions

Many adults tend to overlook, to minimize, to explain away, or to disbelieve allegations of abuse. This may be particularly true if the perpetrator is a family member.

NOTE: The absence of force or coercion does not diminish the abusive nature of the conduct, but, sadly, it may cause the child to feel responsible for what has occurred.

Warning Signs

Physical Signs

Difficulty walking or sitting
Bloody, torn, or stained underclothes
Bleeding, bruises, or swelling in genital area
Pain, itching, or burning in genital area
Frequent urinary or yeast infections
Sexually Transmitted Infections, especially if under 14 years old
Pregnancy, especially if under 14 years old*


Behavioral Signs

Reports sexual abuse
Inappropriate sexual knowledge
Inappropriate sexual behavior
Nightmares or bed-wetting
Large weight changes/major changes in appetite
Suicide attempts or self-harming, especially in adolescents
Shrinks away or seems threatened by physical contact
Runs away
Overly protective and concerned for siblings, assumes a caretaker role
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or Rape Trauma Syndrome symptoms

Common Reactions

Withdrawal
Depression
Sleeping & eating disorders
Self-mutilation
Phobias
Psychosomatic symptoms (stomachaches, headaches)
School problems (absences, drops in grades)
Poor hygiene/excessive bathing
Anxiety
Guilt
Regressive behaviors - thumb-sucking, etc.



And yes, I would RUN with this child to the nearest Planned Parenthood and have her checked out for everything from sexual trauma to sexually transmitted diseases and then have them explain every single form of Birth Control and make sure she knew how to use condoms and how to say NO.

As for that boy, lets just say he would happily be signing up for one of those work-study programs that require him to live elsewhere or the military because he would never know when a certain crazed menopausal woman would be following and watching him waiting to stitch him up with the police for a nice long prison stay where his sagging pants wouldn't be just "fashion."








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