Girl gets a restraining order against helicopter parents.

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Posted 12/28/2012 by purplepackrat in NSBR Board
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purplepackrat
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Posted: 12/28/2012 11:16:33 AM

I guess it had to happen sometime.

Protective order against helicopter parents


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Mary Mary
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Posted: 12/28/2012 11:19:36 AM
Those are psychos, not helicopter parents.


Mary

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Posted: 12/28/2012 11:24:37 AM
Hmmm...

Sounds like they went way overboard.

On the other hand, they are paying for her education. Is she ready to pay for all of that herself?

She has made a choice to cut them off, then she has to be willing to accept the consequences.

All in all, sounds like a messed up family. Very sad.

VanC
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Posted: 12/28/2012 11:31:19 AM
To be fair this girl isn't a "child" and hasn't been for a long time. She is a 21yr old college Senior and her parents aren't letting go. This isn't a little kid like Drew Barrymore in Irreconcilable Differences or even a bratty teenager. They had bugged her phone and her computer to keep tabs on her. Even insisted on checking up with her multiple times a day, I'm impressed she's even had time to be a top student with their hovering. when are you suppossed to study if your mom is calling all day?


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Georgiapea
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Posted: 12/28/2012 11:31:25 AM
They made her leave her Skype on all night so they could monitor where she was?

gmcwife1
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Posted: 12/28/2012 11:32:41 AM
I was wondering if her mom was a Pea


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peamac
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Posted: 12/28/2012 11:32:49 AM
The school gave her a full scholarship for her senior year, since her parents won't pay anymore.


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BrinaG
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Posted: 12/28/2012 11:36:43 AM
It was bound to happen sooner or later.

I have heard people say they are going to keep a locator app on their child when they go away to college for the 'child's safety.'

benem
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Posted: 12/28/2012 11:38:29 AM
Dear Aubrey,

1) Pay for your own college tuition, then do what you want.

2) Pay for your own living expenses, then do what you want.

3) Buy your own computer, then no one can install software on it.

4) Buy your own phone and pay for your own service.

Problem solved, you entitled little girl.

Love,
Me



pe@ce
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Posted: 12/28/2012 11:50:31 AM


Dear Aubrey,

1) Pay for your own college tuition, then do what you want.

2) Pay for your own living expenses, then do what you want.

3) Buy your own computer, then no one can install software on it.

4) Buy your own phone and pay for your own service.

Problem solved, you entitled little girl.

Love,
Me



puh-leeze

just because a parent pays for a child's tuition does not entitle them to this sort of behavior. It sounds like a nightmare. I give her a lot of credit for going to court. It can not be easy.







Sharon



megmc
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Posted: 12/28/2012 12:23:39 PM
2 sides to every story.

I thought I heard on the news this morning that the parents were refusing to pay for the senior year and that is when the girl started the restraining order???

I actually know a woman who made her husband quit his job (pediatric neurosurgeon), and move to where their son was going to college. Then they all moved to where the boy was doing his residency. last time I heard the boy and father set up practice together.

melanell
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Posted: 12/28/2012 12:24:12 PM



just because a parent pays for a child's tuition does not entitle them to this sort of behavior. It sounds like a nightmare.



I agree. If your employer gave you a computer to work from home, and you found it had a tracking device on it, would it be perfectly fine since they provided the computer?


benem
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Posted: 12/28/2012 12:27:00 PM

If your employer gave you a computer to work from home, and you found it had a tracking device on it, would it be perfectly fine since they provided the computer?


Um... YES.

?!?!

It is their computer and my employer has a right to know what I do with it.

Yes her parents are excessive but so is going to court. PAY YOUR OWN WAY and then they have no power over you. But your own stuff, pay your own living expenses. Instead of doing the obvious she takes them to court? She sounds like a drama queen... Oh, wait.



Peabay
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Posted: 12/28/2012 12:29:08 PM
There really are parents like this. My 20 y/o dd knew a girl at school whose mother stayed through orientation and slept on the dorm room floor so she could make sure she got to all of her classes when they started. The girl was mortified, but didn't know how to tell her mother no.



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Posted: 12/28/2012 12:30:07 PM
They were meeting with her college advisors...accusing her of being promiscuous, using drugs, and having a mental illness. They are the crazy ones not her. I watched it this morning on GMA....





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gavinsmom
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Posted: 12/28/2012 12:30:10 PM
there are 3 sides to every story...hers, theirs and the TRUTH--which mostly likely lies somewhere in between. sad really..


Nicole

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Posted: 12/28/2012 12:32:31 PM

If your employer gave you a computer to work from home, and you found it had a tracking device on it, would it be perfectly fine since they provided the computer?


Lots of employers do just this. They also may have software on the company phone that is given to employess.


While the parents were way overboard and creepy, I agree with the sentiment that she should then pay her own way.

Hopefully the parents cut her off and stay that way when as a graduate she doesn't find much work. And hopefully she continues to enforce the boundries.


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Posted: 12/28/2012 12:32:37 PM
I am surprised the girl is not my cousin. She is an only and my aunt is way over involved. The ironic part is that my aunt was hellbent on making sure my cousin had good self esteem but has managed her whole life to the point where my cousin has no confidence in making any decisions for herself. They think there is nothing wrong with my aunt calling my cousin's boss (she is a 27 year old college graduate) to arrange for my cousin's days off. My aunt has also said that if my cousin gets a job in another city they will sell their house and move there. It is bizarro.

I think this girl would have to be really desperate to go to court and I'm sure she had proof of extreme behavior from her parents to get a court order. I can't imagine.


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kaylaaimee
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Posted: 12/28/2012 1:01:00 PM
She uses the word "basically" basically a lot that story is bizarre!


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Posted: 12/28/2012 1:01:43 PM
I am more inclined to believe the girl than her parents. A good example of parents that are just too involved with their kids' lives.

Fairlyoddparent
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Posted: 12/28/2012 1:02:18 PM

Dear Aubrey,

1) Pay for your own college tuition, then do what you want.

2) Pay for your own living expenses, then do what you want.

3) Buy your own computer, then no one can install software on it.

4) Buy your own phone and pay for your own service.

Problem solved, you entitled little girl.

Love,
Me


While I agree that paying for her expenses doesn't mean these parents had a right to stalk their daughter. However, if she wants independence than she does need to be an adult and pay her own way.

Break all the ties.

I also would like to hear both sides of the story. Hmmm???



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Posted: 12/28/2012 1:54:11 PM
If I pay for my child's university education, I don't expect him to be an indentured slave. Let's talk about healthy boundaries and giving your child enough room to grow into a thinking, responsible, self-managed adult. Would you like to be treated that way by, say, your boss? Husband?

Do I expect my child above the age of 18 to abide by certain rules under my roof? Yep. Do I expect to possess my child? Nope.



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LLinIN
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Posted: 12/28/2012 1:59:00 PM
I read that she only filed for the restraining order because they were threatening to have her committed for psych evals. She had to do something. It sounds like Mom has some serious issues. Doesn't sound like she is an entitled brat. Read an article where she was youth volunteer of the year for her state.

She is probably pretty level headed, just ran out of options for dealing with the crazy.

smilesnpeacesigns
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Posted: 12/28/2012 2:00:39 PM
Well I guess the Judge saw her side of it since he ruled against the parents.


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doesitmatter?
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Posted: 12/28/2012 2:02:32 PM
I saw that! And when the parents threatened to cut off paying for her college - the college have her a full scholarship I saw the interviews etc on ABC - sounds like the parents have serious issues and the girl just wants a normal life. Weird story for sure.


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Posted: 12/28/2012 2:10:03 PM
Who has time for all that crap. Watching your kid sleep remotely on Skype? Monitoring their every movement?

I'd rather read.


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Posted: 12/28/2012 2:16:04 PM

If I pay for my child's university education, I don't expect him to be an indentured slave. Let's talk about healthy boundaries and giving your child enough room to grow into a thinking, responsible, self-managed adult. Would you like to be treated that way by, say, your boss? Husband?


Indeed Boo. And you bring up an interesting point. I would bet an assload of money that if what these parents did to their daughter was taking on say....a husband/wife role, the peas would be screaming bloody murder regarding these types of actions.


Well Peas, I believe this thread has gone Thrusday.
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Posted: 12/28/2012 2:26:51 PM

that story is bizarre

Exactly what I was thinking!

She said the mom made her leave skype on all night so she could watch her sleep & make sure she was in her dorm room. Wow!




ksuheather
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Posted: 12/28/2012 2:48:08 PM
I read the article and my jaw dropped when I read her dad's name. About 15 or so years ago I worked at the local concert venue and was knocked down forcefully by a David Ireland. I wish one of the news reports would show his picture or list his age so I could compare. It was a rather traumatic experience and the only reason an official police report wasn't filed was because I was only 17 and my parents would have had to drive down to do it on my behalf.



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Posted: 12/28/2012 2:52:33 PM
That's rather creepy. I can't imagine she will have much of a relationship with them in the future.

Side note - I am my mom's only child and when I was getting ready to graduate hs, I heard so many people say "What is S's mom going to do when she goes to college?" (I've heard that question directed towards other parents of only children too) It really bugged me because it always sounded like they were implying some sort of co-dependency on my mom's part. WTH? She isn't any less capable of having an emotionally healthy life because she had one child.

These people are nutters and probably were when their dd was younger too.


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Posted: 12/28/2012 2:59:45 PM
Just because my company gave me a computer doesn't mean that they get to tell me to keep it on to watch me sleep.

Fuji
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Posted: 12/28/2012 3:08:18 PM

I wish one of the news reports would show his picture or list his age so I could compare.


There is a picture of him in the video in the link provided in the OP.


Dear Aubrey,

1) Pay for your own college tuition, then do what you want.

2) Pay for your own living expenses, then do what you want.

3) Buy your own computer, then no one can install software on it.

4) Buy your own phone and pay for your own service.

Problem solved, you entitled little girl.

Love,
Me


Parents across the nation provide these things every day and don't act like these parents. Their behavior is over the top and out of control. No one should be tracking their college-age student...unless they are mentally ill or engaging in criminal behavior.

You seriously think that a gift of a college education or computer or cell phone entitles the parents to stalk their own child????


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Posted: 12/28/2012 3:15:11 PM

I was wondering if her mom was a Pea
I am wondering the same thing!!

My older son is a Junior in college. I talk to him once or twice a week unless something is going on where he is reaching out more.



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Posted: 12/28/2012 3:40:05 PM
There ARE parents like this. I've seen it in relatives, the parents had 3 children, TWO (son and daughter) NEVER LEFT HOME and the third child, she married but built a house next door. I'm sorry that they never were able to break free. They were in their 50's and 60's when the parents were both dead.

Parents like that are clingy and throw out the if you love me you'll do it my way card. My mother's parents were kind of that way, my aunt left home at 15 to go live with other relatives but my mother never completely broke free.

Who knows what the real truth is but I'm willing to bet the parents are most at fault. Also, remember, we DO have a pea whose parents tried to control their daughter and after her husband died, they started dragging her back into their control. Went so far as to break into her house.


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Posted: 12/28/2012 3:54:46 PM
Some parents can't let their children become adults. When you add money and tuition to the scenario, it further complicates it and some use the money to "control" their kids. I can see them being upset if she flunked out of school, changed her major 10 times or wanted to change schools repeatedly. But that wasn't what was happening. Even if you don't agree with your kid having sex, she's an adult, capable of making her own decisions (or mistakes) and she was doing well in school. Back off, parents!


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Posted: 12/28/2012 4:15:26 PM
I think there's more to that story than is currently being told on both sides.


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benem
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Posted: 12/28/2012 4:23:44 PM

You seriously think that a gift of a college education or computer or cell phone entitles the parents to stalk their own child????


As I said further down, I think the obvious solution is to pay your own way, not go to court. I think it is obvious that if you buy your own computer and phone then you get to decide what to do with it.

If my mom "buys me" a car, well it's not really "mine". It's really hers. If she wants to put a GPS on it, then I have a choice to either accept those terms... or buy my OWN car with my OWN money.

I am from the school of "I paid my own way through college, made my own mistakes, and my parents had nothing to say about what I did."

But if the parents were trying to get her locked up in a mental institution, I could see where simply buying your own computer and phone might not be enough of a boundary.



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Posted: 12/28/2012 4:37:45 PM
Knowing that a judge ruled in her favor and that the school is waiving her tuition her senior year, I can't help but side with her. I plan to foot the bill for my daughter's education and my expectation is that she'll study and get good grades. If she decides she'd like to sleep with a guy or stay out all night, it's none of my business. Her parents are crazy.


Ellen

sammi71
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Posted: 12/28/2012 5:04:31 PM
My company give me a laptop and I have no problem with them tracking what I do on it - I draw the line at them being able to 'see' where I go on my way home from work or having the ability to watch me in my own home.

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Posted: 12/28/2012 5:06:15 PM
I think what happened is something like this:

Mom and dad are nuts and controlling. This is not new; they have always been this way. Something made her start to complain about it. Maybe they threatened to not pay her way because they thought she was promiscuous, on drugs, etc. and she said fine and got the restraining order. Maybe they threatened not to pay her way because she complained about their ill treatment of her or started to not comply with their crazy wishes.

Either way, I wonder how much is that she would tolerate mom and dad being controlling as long as they were paying the bills, but when that was threatened, she cut off ties.

This is not to negate that mom and dad are stark raving nuts.

ScrappinMyLife
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Posted: 12/28/2012 5:36:44 PM
The parents are crazy. Their interference and control is beyond the normal realm. They sound very co-dependent.
I bet the Mom spent the high school years hanging out with her daughter and daughters friends. Poor kid probably couldn't go anywhere alone.
The parents crossed the line,I don't blame her for getting legal help.

The girl is active in school theater, on the deans list, and a volunteer. She sounds about normal for a college kid.

What do you bet, years from now, when the daughter marries and has kids of her own, that her Mom and Dad drag her in to court to invoke the grandparent visitation right.




KatieBPea
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Posted: 12/28/2012 6:37:34 PM
I also think that there is more to this story.


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Posted: 12/28/2012 7:08:22 PM
After reading the story for some reason the book i just finished Gone Girl popped into my mind. I get a vibe there is more going on here.

Knotlazy
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Posted: 12/28/2012 7:19:36 PM
What a crazy story...

When my DD went off to college, I asked her to text me each nigh when she went to bed....she did and I went to sleep thinking she was tucked into her dorm room safe and sound...

well, she was all over Austin at night...sleeping through classes in the morning...

She soon learned and graduated....

Kids gotta learn, and we parents gotta let them learn.

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Posted: 12/28/2012 8:21:48 PM
I work with a girl and I suspect her mother is kind of like this one - she is always telling her what she should do, and I know they paid for her education in full (including law school!). she was married for about a year (I think in part to get away from mom) and is now divorced, and has a lot of growing up to do.

And she is now paying her own way, but her mom still is trying to control things. she is having a hard time breaking away - so paying for everything is not always the trick.

Epeanymous
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Posted: 12/28/2012 8:32:20 PM
Many colleges do not offer you the option of paying your own way. Your parents' earnings are taken into account regardless of your relationship with them, because otherwise everyone would claim to be on their own and their parents would funnel money to them on the sly rather than paying tuition. Schools may be willing to work with students whose parents refuse to pay or submit financial aid forms, but not always.

Maryland
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Posted: 12/28/2012 8:47:09 PM
Good for her! I can't ever imagine doing that to my kids. It sounds very creepy to me. Monitoring her all the time? Watching her sleep? Wow! That is really creepy. I don't blame her for wanting to get a restraining order. I can see college students having to call their parents every so often to check in, show them their report card if the parent is paying, but they sound very odd to me! I mean creepy odd!

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Posted: 12/28/2012 9:29:27 PM
The next time I complain about my own mother, I'll try to remember this story. These parents make mine seem fantastic.


What do you bet, years from now, when the daughter marries and has kids of her own, that her Mom and Dad drag her in to court to invoke the grandparent visitation right.


If she's smart she moves away and makes sure they never find her. These lunatics should not be allowed to get near her kids when she has them.


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*Leslie*
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Posted: 12/28/2012 11:41:39 PM

After reading the story for some reason the book i just finished Gone Girl popped into my mind. I get a vibe there is more going on here.


Okay this made me laugh because I also think something is weird about this too, her being a theater major and all. Great story to get her face and name out there?

Oh, and I'm probably going to be flamed for this: $66K for a theater arts degree? What a waste of money.



Leslie

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Loc: here, there and everywhere

Posted: 12/29/2012 7:45:31 AM


I have no idea what the truth is, but it does seem that the girl went to enormous lengths to free herself from her parents. What a sad situation all around.
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