do you think the coddling of recent generations leads to violence or instability?

Two Peas is Closing
Click here to visit our final product sale. Click here to visit our FAQ page regarding the closing of Two Peas.

Posted 1/14/2013 by old pea new name in NSBR Board
 

old pea new name
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 341,472
October 2007
Posts: 2,934
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/14/2013 6:22:49 AM

I'm referring to young adults in their early twenties and the kids today that have grown up hearing that every kid plays vs cuts or try outs. Rosters are "batted through " vs three outs. Every one gets a trophy. "Grade the paper in purple, not red because red ink is harsh"..... parents call teachers at the drop of a hat. Their child wouldn't do "anything wrong" mentality.
I wonder if over protecting kids, wanting them to "have it all" prevents them from working through typical kid issues and that may cause them to snap. I mean, it would be pretty hard to deal with disappointment if you were brought up where disappointment and adversity were minimized for you.

think about the 70-early 90's. There weren't mass shootings. Kids were taught to suck stuff up and move on. When parents started heckling refs at little league games, hounding the teachers for any little issue a kid had, etc, is when kids seemed to start having more issues: ADD, depression, etc.

Could be no relation, but I do believe if kids are brought up to expect the world to play by their rules, they will have trouble adapting in the "real world".

KatieBPea
AncestralPea

PeaNut 30,940
February 2002
Posts: 4,786
Layouts: 0
Loc: NJ

Posted: 1/14/2013 6:28:07 AM
Interesting theory.

I do think that not allowing children to learn to become resilent can lead to difficulties in the workplace and relationships, but not sure if it would manifest itself in violence.


Uploaded with iPhone client

back to *pea*ality
AncestralPea

PeaNut 471,633
June 2010
Posts: 4,859
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/14/2013 6:41:01 AM
I think that there have been changes in our culture that leave people feeling more disconnected than ever. Mental illness has always existed but the increasing violence needs to be addressed.

I think that more recent generations have a lack of empathy for others. I feel this disconnect is due to communication beginning with e-mail, then texting and social media like facebook and twitter. Not hearing a human voice, the ability to see someone's expression has taken the humanity out of communication.

Using the keyboard courage and other technology has led to increased bullying to the point where kids are so desperate the take their own lives.

I think those that are coddled and built up to think they do no wrong are not the shooters but those who take it upon themselves to further isolate those who are different than they are. The violence turned inward is suicide and the outward violence is the unthinkable mass violence.

lovetodigi
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 257,022
April 2006
Posts: 8,640
Layouts: 5
Loc: USA

Posted: 1/14/2013 6:42:12 AM
I think that those things are contributing to the sense of entitlement that we are seeing so often these days. Coddling kids as they grow up is not doing them a favor at all. When they reach adulthood and are out on their own, they are in for a shock. Unfortunetly those same kids have that sense of entitlement from their bosses, and it just isnt going to happen. Coddling leads to many things, but I don't think that it leads to violence.




Sony a77
Sony 18-70mm F3.5/5.6, Sony 75-300mm f/4.5-5.6,
Sony 50mm 1.8, Sony DT 35mm f/1.8 SAM
Tamron SP 90mm f/2.8 Di 1:1 AF Macro AF
Tamron 18-270mm F/3.5-6.3 AF Zoom with Macro
MacBook Pro 15" (Mid 2012)
Photoshop CS6 & PSE 11
Lightroom 4

BOO!
Sunny Side Up!

PeaNut 52,709
October 2002
Posts: 20,615
Layouts: 95
Loc: watching Top Chef Canada

Posted: 1/14/2013 6:50:05 AM
It's a multi-faceted question, and, like a Venn diagram, some answers will fall in same region.

I think coddling can lead to a sense of entitlement, which can lead to violence. But not every entitled brat will react in violence. And "rules" don't apply when you have a mental illness.

I'm not sure I buy into all of this theory, but saw this article which asks if the modern day diet and declining general health are causes --> Violence: Are There Dietary Causes?

Again, I don't think there is one answer. Or even one question.


Lisa D.J.

Canon 7D:70-200mm f/2.8L:85mm f/1.8:60mm macro and PSCS5


Maryland
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 87,597
May 2003
Posts: 11,075
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/14/2013 6:55:41 AM
I don't think it leads to violence, but I think it causes many, many, many other problems.

This isn't really related to your question, but I will also say that in my opinion, more "attention" needs to be given to help the boys. They seem to be forgotten about as society seems to be all about girls. I see so much "girl power" stuff, but not "boy power" (poor example, but stuff like that always makes me think what about boys?). I think girls are doing quite well, and they aren't often the ones involved in major acts of violence as boys are. So, in my opinion, I think society needs to start looking into ways to help boys out. This is just my opinion, and I am not saying I am right, just my thoughts.

lynlam
Don'tcha wish your girlfriend had spurs like mine?

PeaNut 46,248
August 2002
Posts: 6,800
Layouts: 41
Loc: Ohio

Posted: 1/14/2013 6:56:02 AM
Hmmmm...maybe.

I do know that the kids that are raised to believe they are the best at everything and are never told otherwise by their parents are turning out to be the meanest kids in school.

Speaking from experience. Two women who were my best friends for years...they each have daughters that for 5 years were BFFs with my DD. but both these women were of the opinion that their DDs were the best athletes, prettiest, sweetest, deserved every ribbon and trophy....
Let's say that those girls have turned into the kind of kids we all bitch about now. Rude, mean, disrespectful, and can not handle it when things don't go their way at all. They are the group of bullies who make it their mission to pick on those that they see as less than perfect. And I absolutely attribute it to their parents and the pedestal they have put them on.

I am very proud of my DD, when those girls turned on her last year, she walked away. She did not get caught up in any drama. She simply walked away and has never looked back. She sees what they have turned into and she does not like it. She does not want to be associated with that kind of dynamic.





"We demand entire freedom of action and then expect the government in some miraculous way to save us from the consequences of our own acts... Self-government means self-reliance." Calvin Coolidge

Lynlam, the second-tier Pea, paid (except it appears she is not) political shill.
Uploaded with iPhone client

knit.pea
. cheeky cousin .

PeaNut 158,945
July 2004
Posts: 7,396
Layouts: 112

Posted: 1/14/2013 7:02:51 AM

I do think that not allowing children to learn to become resilent can lead to difficulties in the workplace and relationships, but not sure if it would manifest itself in violence.

It is going to be an interesting next few decades to see how the entitled generation(s)
handle corporate life and how they raise their own children.

Technology and media probably have a lot to do with it as well.



Judie in Oz
PEAing Upside Down

PeaNut 12,503
March 2001
Posts: 7,455
Layouts: 44
Loc: Down Under

Posted: 1/14/2013 7:12:02 AM

This isn't really related to your question, but I will also say that in my opinion, more "attention" needs to be given to help the boys. They seem to be forgotten about as society seems to be all about girls. I see so much "girl power" stuff, but not "boy power" (poor example, but stuff like that always makes me think what about boys?). I think girls are doing quite well, and they aren't often the ones involved in major acts of violence as boys are. So, in my opinion, I think society needs to start looking into ways to help boys out. This is just my opinion, and I am not saying I am right, just my thoughts.


Maryland, I agree with you. I think boys feel disenfranchised. The school curriculum (at least here in Australia) is designed for the way girls think. There are few male teachers in schools. The majority of university students are now girls. A higher percentage of boys are growing up with no father/father figure present. They are made fun of on TV and in advertising (and yes, I'm guilty of doing it at times too, and I have two DSs). I think boys are lost and wondering where the heck they fit in.

Judie

cocoanmom
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 285,775
November 2006
Posts: 2,688
Layouts: 31

Posted: 1/14/2013 7:26:10 AM
I think that sometimes these people are not taught how to cope with life. With disappointment, sadness and all those things that can go wrong in life. So they lose it.

Peabay
Happy now?

PeaNut 156,993
July 2004
Posts: 46,562
Layouts: 13
Loc: Connecticut

Posted: 1/14/2013 7:28:48 AM
While I don't think it's "coddling" - I don't think you can look at some of the recent shooters and accuse their parents of coddling them, particularly the Virginia Tech shooter - I do agree that we need to focus the research on boys and what causes them to lose it like this.



Aggiemom92
PeaFixture

PeaNut 90,200
June 2003
Posts: 3,313
Layouts: 2

Posted: 1/14/2013 7:30:36 AM

I'm referring to young adults in their early twenties and the kids today that have grown up hearing that every kid plays vs cuts or try outs. Rosters are "batted through " vs three outs. Every one gets a trophy.


I keep hearing this particular complaint from parents, teachers, coaches, business owners, politicians, etc. I see it blamed for kids not being ready for jobs, for them being behavior problems, now possibly for the increase in gun violence, etc. But I don't get where this is coming from. My son isn't in sports at all, but my daughter has always been in competitive sports, several different sports, and it's always been COMPETITIVE. Sure, at cheer competitions, they all get trophies or medals, but there's no confusion about who got the first place trophy. Same with swimming. They all get ribbons, but they no the difference between the blue one and the green one. The baseball team in our neighborhood??? VERY clear about the difference between winners and losers.

What sport is it that all of these kids are playing where everyone wins and they don't learn how to lose???

In school--they have an awards ceremony at the end of the year, and again, it's clear who got straight As (and they're honored), who got the most AR points (and those kids feel they won something), etc. They feel the danger of not passing the state test. They even know who does and doesn't make GT (gifted and talented), and what that means. There's no "everyone gets an A here" mindset. And when kids are not performing, their parents hire tutors and ride their kids.

What we DO have in this area is a sense that kids excel at different things. For example, my son doesn't feel like a 'loser' when he loses a sports game, because he knows he can outperform them on the guitar. It doesn't bug my daughter that her brother is way better at math than her, because her strength is in writing and he can barely string together a sentence.

I keep hearing these complaints about kids being coddled in school and at sports, and how they're not learning that everyone doesn't win, not learning how to fail, etc. But I'm just not seeing that.

Captain K
AncestralPea

PeaNut 247,594
February 2006
Posts: 4,495
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/14/2013 7:51:44 AM

think about the 70-early 90's. There weren't mass shootings.


Your entire premise is wrong. There absolutely was violence and mass shootings in earlier years. Much earlier than the 70's even. It's just that YOU don't remember them, either because of your age/perspective at the time or because they weren't as reported on.

School shootings in the United States

Serial killers and spree killers have also been common long before the 70's.

Violence is not substantially worse in the US than it was in the past. It is more publicized than it was in the past. 24 hour a day news cycle.

So no, I don't think the "coddling of recent genenerations" is to blame. I don't even agree that recent generations are especially coddled. Every generation has thought that about "kids today." Parenting and education styles change as we learn more and philosophies change, but it isn't something that has just cropped up in the last 20 years. It really is an ever-changing dynamic and old people always think younger generations are screwed up.

Whole premise is incorrect.

mamatobabyA
BucketHead

PeaNut 475,563
July 2010
Posts: 915
Layouts: 0
Loc: Ohio

Posted: 1/14/2013 8:35:45 AM
Ditto to everything Captain K said. While I do agree that raising children to believe they are always right and perfect and winning is harmful to them in the long run, it is not leading to violence or and increase in mass shootings. Increased reporting is leading to everyone know about a mass shooting.



twinsmom-fla99
AncestralPea

PeaNut 203,642
May 2005
Posts: 4,186
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/14/2013 8:46:18 AM
I gotta agree with Captain K.

Another factor is just our larger population. More people = more chances for negative interaction, whether it is mere rudeness or outright violence. I would really be interested in a "mass shootings per capita" statistic that compared the rates of these shootings instead of just the numbers.

scrapea girl
PeaFixture

PeaNut 15,719
May 2001
Posts: 3,383
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/14/2013 8:50:57 AM
Without a doubt, yes!

Shih Tzu Mommy
Million dollar camera, 10 dollar lock!

PeaNut 224,352
September 2005
Posts: 24,004
Layouts: 0
Loc: Right here

Posted: 1/14/2013 8:56:22 AM
We refused to allow our kids to be on teams that did not have the three strike rule or gave everyone a trophy or other things like that.

I agree that a lot of the ills in our society come from people not learning at an early age that not everyone wins or gets to bat or whatever. I learned, as did my peers (I am 46 this year), that life doesn't have a trophy for showing up and knowing how to wipe your own hiney in life. There are expectations for performance if you want to be a winner and recognized and rewards and yes, sometimes you do all that and don't get the recognition, but that a self-satisfaction for a job well done is reward enough.

My son used to work at a paintball field and kids just a few years younger than he was would throw fits and tantrums (I am talking kids old enough to drive!) and want their parents to give them a clean uniform if they were tagged 'out' with paint and my son had to actually STOP parents from doing this to/for their kids.

He quit that job and found one where mommy and daddy did not come running to make it all better for their spoiled babies. I was SO thankful that he got it. That he understood real life. That when you are out you are out, but if you did your best, THAT is what matters.



Rather than OP's hypothesis that the entitled kids become the violent, maybe it's the VICTIMS of the entitled kids that turn to violence out of frustration. I think that was at least hinted at with the Columbine killings iirc the perpetrators were bullied and getting revenge.






And I would agree with this, too.



Dog people are a special breed!

Simply_Lovely
AncestralPea

PeaNut 463,295
April 2010
Posts: 4,172
Layouts: 3
Loc: New York City

Posted: 1/14/2013 8:56:49 AM

I think that those things are contributing to the sense of entitlement that we are seeing so often these days. Coddling kids as they grow up is not doing them a favor at all. When they reach adulthood and are out on their own, they are in for a shock. Unfortunetly those same kids have that sense of entitlement from their bosses, and it just isnt going to happen. Coddling leads to many things, but I don't think that it leads to violence


I agree with this. These kids are completely unprepared for the real world and it's sad, because many of them are capable, they are just not used to disappointment and don't know how to respect higher-ups. At my old job we had interns who thought an internship is a fun thing to put on your resume and "did not expect to do any research." Seriously? You're a second year law student interning at a law office and you didn't expect to do research? "Oh, I thought it would be some light filing and court field trips!" Light filing? Are you a secretarial intern?? Field trips - what is this, kindergarten?? And so many of them are like that. *SMDH*

As for violence - I don't think coddling causes a lot of violence. Maybe there is a case or two due to not knowing how to vent out frustrations since they were never frustrated, but I doubt it. I read a lot of theories. There was one about lead in gasoline that was pretty viable. A recent gawker article talked about mass shooters and how it is the perceived loss of white male privilege that drives these killers. There are so many possibilities that it's hard to isolate just one. I think it's a perfect storm of things that creates mass killers.




Meow!

alittleintrepid
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 345,847
November 2007
Posts: 2,438
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/14/2013 9:13:23 AM
No. Coddling kids leads to spoiled, entitled kids but, we have lots of spoiled, entitled kids who don't become homicidal.

And, because many don't seem to know this, mental illness is not synonymous with violence.

kmk1112
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 11,642
February 2001
Posts: 8,692
Layouts: 66
Loc: Ohio

Posted: 1/14/2013 9:18:03 AM

I'm referring to young adults in their early twenties and the kids today that have grown up hearing that every kid plays vs cuts or try outs. Rosters are "batted through " vs three outs. Every one gets a trophy.



Once we got past about 3rd or 4th grade, this was not our experience in school or activities. DD has been involved in competitive dance as well as speech and debate as extra curriculars. Both were highly competitive, and everyone knew who was the best (or at least the best that week.)

Same thing with school-everyone knew who did well in school and who didn't. Sometimes they grade each other's papers, so they knew what their grades were.

The one area where I see them coddled is that teachers have been telling them exactly what's going to be on the test since about 4th grade, so they have no ability to glean from material what is important.

The other thing I see is that some parents take too active a role in their kids lives. A college prof. recently told me he had to have a "come to Jesus" with one of his education students. She brought her mom.

I don't think either of those contribute to violence or instability though.

raindancer
Capt. Sparrow's Pirate Wench

PeaNut 217,886
August 2005
Posts: 16,684
Layouts: 44

Posted: 1/14/2013 9:39:47 AM
My understanding is that mass shooting deaths peaked in 1929.


ETA:
Are Mass Shootings becoming more common?


"Without minimizing the pain and suffering of the hundreds...who have been victimized in senseless attacks, the facts say clearly that [there] has been no increase in mass killings," Fox wrote. When clusters of incidents occur close together, he added, that likely reflects a mixture of copycatting and coincidence.


~Heidi~



"You can make excuses or you can make progress but you can't make both."

Aggiemom92
PeaFixture

PeaNut 90,200
June 2003
Posts: 3,313
Layouts: 2

Posted: 1/14/2013 9:46:09 AM

The one area where I see them coddled is that teachers have been telling them exactly what's going to be on the test since about 4th grade, so they have no ability to glean from material what is important.


OMG this is so true. I see this with my college seniors--coming undone when they learn I'm not going to spend my last of so few instructional sessions reviewing the entire semester before the final, or narrow down the material into a review sheet so they 'know what to study.'


Uploaded with iPhone client

scrappower
Allons-y Alonso

PeaNut 174,150
October 2004
Posts: 15,754
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/14/2013 9:47:07 AM
No.



Free~Bird
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now

PeaNut 104,551
September 2003
Posts: 11,788
Layouts: 3
Loc: Missouri

Posted: 1/14/2013 9:56:15 AM
I think that the difference between now and 1972 is that we have a lot less mental health care options for people. I get that it might not be the best option to just lock some people up, but back in the day, they did that. If you were a nut, you didn't just get to walk the street freely.

So yes, In a way, I think OP you are right in that "being equal" (letting people with mental problems just roam the streets with no care) because it's "not fair" to them to be treated differently is part of the problem.

I think we need mental health care options for people.
I think we also need to be more honest with ourselves.
I think we should worry less about our jobs, boyfriends, TV shows, sports team than we do about our children.
I think we shouldn't desensitize our children to violence by allowing them to play violent games and watching violent movies.

I also believe we've had problems for a long, long time. Internet, television and cell phones just make it easier for us to spread the message.


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

My paintings on etsy:
Cease Watercolor Arts - Coupon code: imapea - 20% off for Peas!!



My Photography website and blog:
Cease Fire Studios

pudgy_groundhog
Chubby old groundhog

PeaNut 113,457
October 2003
Posts: 16,377
Layouts: 351
Loc: Hudson Valley area in NY

Posted: 1/14/2013 10:08:57 AM

Rather than OP's hypothesis that the entitled kids become the violent, maybe it's the VICTIMS of the entitled kids that turn to violence out of frustration. I think that was at least hinted at with the Columbine killings iirc the perpetrators were bullied and getting revenge.
I read "Columbine" by Dave Cullen, which was a good, if chilling, read. He said the bullying thing was pretty much a myth perpetuated by the media, partly because it's nice to have a cause and effect and to reassure ourselves. In reality, Eric Harris was a sociopath - not a weak kid bullied and driven to a mass killing.

I agree with above posters that there are many factors contributing to these issues. While coddling might not be the best thing for our kids, I don't think it necessarily leads to violence.



raindancer
Capt. Sparrow's Pirate Wench

PeaNut 217,886
August 2005
Posts: 16,684
Layouts: 44

Posted: 1/14/2013 10:28:46 AM

I think that the difference between now and 1972 is that we have a lot less mental health care options for people. I get that it might not be the best option to just lock some people up, but back in the day, they did that. If you were a nut, you didn't just get to walk the street freely.



Do you have anything scientifically based in which to back this up?



~Heidi~



"You can make excuses or you can make progress but you can't make both."

PunchPrincess

PeaNut 17,063
June 2001
Posts: 12,706
Layouts: 0
Loc: where 71 and 70 meet

Posted: 1/14/2013 10:40:04 AM

I'm referring to young adults in their early twenties


HUH? I think each generation thinks the upcoming one is worthless -- unless it is for cannon fodder. There are lots of instances in our country's history where older men, mainly white, think nothing of making war and sending other people's sons, and daughters, into the line of fire.

The very most disappointing thing I learned when I re-entered the work force in 1983 was the absolute selfishness of those 15 to 20 years younger then I was. Whatever it was in my 50s and 60s upbringing that fostered teamwork worked. I felt very comfortable working in a team, but the younger ones I worked worth were all about being the star and getting whatever bonus or advancement they could. And they thought nothing of making their co-workers look bad to do it.

So, Sammel, I agree with you. Your generation needs to grow up and not think that you deserve the spotlight.


<*********************************************************************>

PunchPrincess ( def. A long, long time ago when I first started scrapping I discovered punches -- round, square, squiggles, cars, etc. You name it. Like coat hangers they multiplied, under the bed I think until they were threatening to take over that precious space that we all covet and refuse to cede to other family members. Thus I became PunchPrincess. )


pennyring
Thrift Ninja

PeaNut 226,011
October 2005
Posts: 23,312
Layouts: 40
Loc: Rite Aid

Posted: 1/14/2013 11:49:05 AM
We've always had problems. In the past ADD and depression just weren't diagnosed the same way they are today (to the pea who brought that up).

My older brother was born in 1957. There was no such thing as an ADD diagnosis when he was a kid. He most certainly has it though. My dad would tell stories about literally having to hold him down in bed to get him to go to sleep. If they didn't, he would just get up and keep running around.

It existed then, just without a name. His son inherited it, and was diagnosed when he started elementary school in the late 80s.




writermom1
Thrift Whisperer

PeaNut 114,407
November 2003
Posts: 22,729
Layouts: 66
Loc: At the intersection of Hooterville and Stars Hollow

Posted: 1/14/2013 12:38:34 PM
No.

I think the entire OP is a based-on-conjecture old-people-love-to-feel-superior anecdote and nothing more.

I remember sore losers who had no coping skills in the 70's too.

People have been convinced that the younger generation is ill-raised since time began.




Uploaded with iPhone client

Nicole in TX
The Peas did what we do and went insane over it

PeaNut 16,696
June 2001
Posts: 19,213
Layouts: 65
Loc: Not so obvious

Posted: 1/14/2013 12:48:50 PM
Have you read this article: The most narcissitic generation



Nicole in TX
The Peas did what we do and went insane over it

PeaNut 16,696
June 2001
Posts: 19,213
Layouts: 65
Loc: Not so obvious

Posted: 1/14/2013 12:48:51 PM
Have you read this article: The most narcissitic generation



scrappower
Allons-y Alonso

PeaNut 174,150
October 2004
Posts: 15,754
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/14/2013 1:48:44 PM
That article is ridiculous. Seriously because there are video games that portray the Olympics and such it gives kids airs? And Twitter? Really? Drivel. Every generation thinks the next is spoiled and ridiculous. Since the beginning of time. And guess what? They all turn out fine for the most part. Those darn whippersnappers.



maryannscraps
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 75,215
March 2003
Posts: 7,548
Layouts: 2
Loc: massachusetts

Posted: 1/14/2013 2:28:18 PM
I was going to say what Pudgy said about Columbine.

I don't see it -- the teens and young adults I know through my kids and work are terrific.

I love working with the "kids" in the IT dept of one of my customers. They're so funny and smart -- mid-twenties and full of energy.

I also never saw trophies awarded to everyone past about kindergarten.

angievp
Ideay pues?

PeaNut 143,106
April 2004
Posts: 7,420
Layouts: 36
Loc: Miami

Posted: 1/14/2013 2:38:23 PM

I agree with this. These kids are completely unprepared for the real world and it's sad, because many of them are capable, they are just not used to disappointment and don't know how to respect higher-ups. At my old job we had interns who thought an internship is a fun thing to put on your resume and "did not expect to do any research." Seriously? You're a second year law student interning at a law office and you didn't expect to do research? "Oh, I thought it would be some light filing and court field trips!" Light filing? Are you a secretarial intern?? Field trips - what is this, kindergarten?? And so many of them are like that. *SMDH*



^^^^ This. I find the prevalent attitude with the "younger kids" is that they want EVERYTHING NOW, not wanting to pay their dues. A recent intern in our office quit because her assignment was "too hard." TOO HARD??? A stack of ambulance cases after we review the law with you and gave you a decision template? WHATEVS! Go back to your mommy and daddy, little girl, the big bad law job isn't for you.

Gsquaredmom

PeaNut 259,367
April 2006
Posts: 8,896
Layouts: 0
Loc: Midwest

Posted: 1/14/2013 2:47:47 PM
I think mental illness has genetic roots. Not impossible to have other causes, but I think genetic predisposition is a major factor. I think unstable people reproduce and the number goes up over time.

I am inclined to think coddling and lack of sorting through normal childhood events is not a strong factor by itself, otherwise we would have many more unstable people than we have now.

Now, maybe genetics PLUS coddling making people less resilient---maybe you have something there...



Epeanymous
PeaFixture

PeaNut 15,108
May 2001
Posts: 3,301
Layouts: 1

Posted: 1/14/2013 3:05:42 PM
Except that violent crime was on the rise until about 1990 and has been declining pretty steadily since then. High-profile, rare events to the contrary.

So perhaps the "coddling" of recent generations means that they have grown too lazy to commit violent acts? Eh, too much effort.

I grew up with my grandmother in the house and she needled my mother constantly about how lazy my mother's generation was. My mother is now 70. Enough said.

knit.pea
. cheeky cousin .

PeaNut 158,945
July 2004
Posts: 7,396
Layouts: 112

Posted: 1/14/2013 6:41:33 PM
* Sorry, I didn't realize Nicole had already linked it. *

Interesting article on the Google sidebar today.
My apologies ... it's from Fox News, We Are Raising a Generation of Deluded Narcissists

(I have no idea who the author is, but the title caught my eye )

edited again and again



*Kath*
Official Time Clock of 2Ps

PeaNut 2,739
February 2000
Posts: 10,072
Layouts: 0
Loc: On a cruise ship fighting zombies

Posted: 1/14/2013 6:53:23 PM
I think it's kind of funny how awesome and beautiful and amazing the entitled generation thinks they are and how little skills they have in comparison.

Dh has this kid at work that whenever he tries to give him instructions on how to do something, the kid goes , "yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." Dh says, "Do you have any idea what I just said?" The kid stops, pauses, says, "No."

That about sums up what I've seen lately.

Another thing that gets me is how little they think things cost and how much they're going to make when they have a job, and they're in their 20s. Some in their early 30s. It's like they never grow up. They just continue to live off mom and dad like they're children with no idea the value of money. Bizarre to me the thought process. And it's everywhere. I see it every day.

Some of the articles I've read have said when they finally do realize they're not more awesome, beautiful and amazing than anyone else and it finally hits them they're growing older, depression is going to strike hard. I think that's true.




--------------------
Welcome to Hotel California, the Green Room, where the laws of physics don't apply, effect determines cause, Deja Vu is Master, and the white rabbit runs free.

Your punch-in has been duly noted.



writermom1
Thrift Whisperer

PeaNut 114,407
November 2003
Posts: 22,729
Layouts: 66
Loc: At the intersection of Hooterville and Stars Hollow

Posted: 1/14/2013 9:05:11 PM

Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatrist and member of the Fox News Medical A-Team.


Is that one of those inflated faux accomplishments he speaks of?




Uploaded with iPhone client

ashazamm
PeaAddict

PeaNut 217,769
August 2005
Posts: 1,056
Layouts: 18
Loc: NY

Posted: 1/15/2013 8:30:25 AM
I read two amazing books kinda on this subject (over indulging children and the horrible result: violence and drug use).

The Price of Privilege

&

Things Parents do to Mess Up their Children

I learned A LOT from these books.

ajsweetpea
The Play Date Queen

PeaNut 48,410
September 2002
Posts: 8,431
Layouts: 0
Loc: New England

Posted: 1/15/2013 9:12:52 AM

I think that was at least hinted at with the Columbine killings iirc the perpetrators were bullied and getting revenge.


I think it was actually found out that Columbine had nothing to do with bullying. One of the kids was found to be a sociopath and the other had severe issues with depression and due to that, followed the kid who was a sociopath almost blindly.


****Andrea****
Happily married
Mom to my beautiful fourth grader and my sweet preschooler.

fishwitch
PeaNut

PeaNut 577,311
January 2013
Posts: 178
Layouts: 0
Loc: Texas

Posted: 1/15/2013 9:23:45 AM
I think we are raising a generation of kids that don't get that actions have consequences because mommy and daddy have protected their little snowflakes all their lives. Do I think that makes them homicidal? No. Do I think we have a broken mental health system that could (and should) be doing more to help people who show the signs of instability - yeah, we really need to fix that.


~~Melani....once upon a time I was Sailorslady, now I'm just the fish

paigepea
I'm PEAchy Keen!

PeaNut 74,479
March 2003
Posts: 17,867
Layouts: 116

Posted: 1/15/2013 10:20:43 AM
No.

I also don't think that kids today are coddled any more then my generation was. The coddling just changes forms. I find my girls' generation much more worldly and open minded then mine. They travel more, know more about current events, and seem less niave. I also find kids nowadays to be well informed. They know that knowledge is at their fingertips and they know how to find it. My job is more about teaching my kids to find reputable sources as opposed to giving them the info. Perhaps they aren't as polite as other generations, but neither are adults. But then again, kids look to adults for guidance, and when they see a good amount of a powerful nation arming themselves against each other and using guns instead of words what are they supposed to learn.

Kids learn from what they see around them.

My life wasn't full of teachable moments or strict consequences. I had a shorter school day and less scholastic requirements to fulfil. I had fewer extra curricular activities. I watched more tv because it wasn't bad for us. I played home alone more while my parents worked. I had a tutor for math and got into university with B's. my kids will work much harder then I did.

I-95
It's all just nonsense anyway!

PeaNut 97,456
July 2003
Posts: 20,385
Layouts: 0
Loc: California, NY & Orlando

Posted: 1/15/2013 10:38:38 AM

I'm referring to young adults in their early twenties and the kids today that have grown up hearing that every kid plays vs cuts or try outs. Rosters are "batted through " vs three outs. Every one gets a trophy.


Disturbing to realize WE raised them! Well, my kids are 22 and 24 so they fit that age category.

IScrapCrap
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 570,639
October 2012
Posts: 2,808
Layouts: 0
Loc: pea formerly known as GIPfunny

Posted: 1/15/2013 10:40:28 AM

do you think the coddling of recent generations leads to violence or instability?


I'm not sure. It would be interesting to see if there were any similarities to the Columbine shooters, Newtown, and other incidents.

myboysnme
Living life on the left

PeaNut 69,081
February 2003
Posts: 7,959
Layouts: 1

Posted: 1/15/2013 11:03:34 AM
Agree completely with Captain K. Many ways that people acted out violence is now unacceptable socially.

Rape, domestic violence, child abuse, kicking the dog, lynching, dragging someone behind a car because of their sexual orientation, beating someone up for their lunch money; I mean these are age old issues that in the recent years have become unacceptable and illegal.

People justified the near annialation of an entire native people to take what they wanted; vigilante justice and the law of the west was real, not just a TV concept.

Throughout history there has been violence, large scale violence. But now the young man who would join a lynch mob to act out can't just join in. The young person who with his friends would jump in on a gang rape scenario gets major coverage, like the recent football team issue.

A person could beat the living snot out of their wife and kids and have the right to; they could abuse animals, whatever. I have seen the change in my lifetime; when I was a kid 50 years ago many things were not against the law.

Now we hear about things right away; real time complete with photos and film. It is not more prevalent, but you have to do some histroy research to see that there is no more violence than there ever was or has been.


My choice is to not take it personally - people have opinions. Particularly people here.-Peabay 12/29/11
I know this is assuming, but I'm really starting to think you are one of those "entitled" peas - Dalayney 4/2/12
When someone elects you Queen of Two Peas, then you can make the rules. - Sue_Pea 12/22/13
"Myboysnme,...I bow down to you, oh queen of the scrapping goodness" - Irish Eyes 3/9/14
"Myboysnme -- ... Whoa. I bow to thee." - Jill S 4/26/14









disneydarling
PeaNut

PeaNut 112,379
October 2003
Posts: 261
Layouts: 377
Loc: Illinois

Posted: 1/15/2013 11:21:04 AM


Oh yeah....I feel coddling creates all kinds of problems.

Our school has done away with the elected positions for Student Council...because they didn't want anyone to "lose" the position they were running for. So we just have a Student Council...the teacher holds all positions.
If my child recieves an award for Outstanding Achievement in "whatever"...the kid next to him gets one also...just for showing up in class. This way, no one goes home disappointed.
There has been talk about doing away with the Honor Roll...because if they aren't on it, they can't handle walking past the bulletin board and not seeing their name on it.
I have seen many parents sign their kids up for all kinds of things, never show up for a practice or class...but they are there on awards day to get their trophy or medal...just because their name is on the list.
I call these people "the collectors". They collect these items and proudly display them to family and friends...not saying that their kid never actually participated...but they make the shelves look nice.

I have never really seen a kid blow a gasket, throw a temper tantrum or have any kind of meltdown because of "failure" or "loss". I think it's more the parent that can't handle that "precious" isn't perfect. The kids aren't complaining...the parents are! These are the same parents that trample little ones at the Easter Egg hunt to make sure their kids gets the most.

Tell your kid NO.
Tell your kid SORRY...better luck next time.
I haven't met a kid yet that doesnt understand that. Disappointment, of course! But I think they bounce back. Unless the parents are going to "fix" it by calling the school, teachers, attorneys...whatever they have to do to make precious feel better.

As for the mean girls....it's all jealousy. They were raised that they are perfect and when they see that someone else is excelling in ANY WAY, they can't handle it.
Because it's something that Mommy and Daddy can't fix.



Wendy***

papergoddess
PeaNut

PeaNut 529,899
November 2011
Posts: 316
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/15/2013 2:04:01 PM

I do think that not allowing children to learn to become resilient can lead to difficulties in the workplace and relationships, but not sure if it would manifest itself in violence.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It is going to be an interesting next few decades to see how the entitled generation(s)
handle corporate life and how they raise their own children.

------------------------------------------

I tend to agree with this. I've read a few articles recently that wonder about the pharmaceutical angle to all this. We're treating so many young, developing brains with psychotic medications and I'm not sure we understand all of the ramifications of that.


This^ as well. I do see a lot of young adults (and i am still pretty much a young adult) that have a hard time coping with disappointment bcz their parents have provided them so many opportunities and such a worry-free lifestyle. I too was very fortunate in my upbringing, but somewhere along the way, I was still exposed to disappointment and change, and have def dealt with it in adulthood to understand it.
The only thing I find disturbing is as comfortable as I was at home, I couldn't wait to grow up and get out on my own and work for myself and make my own money... A lot of kids i know, and they are good kids overall, they just don't have that desire. They want to work as little as possible and still get as much handed to them as they can, its strange to me. Not sure where society went wrong there.

If nothing else, I just feel bad for kids bcz I think overall there is a huge disservice to them by parents, teachers, gov't & the village as a whole. And I do believe there is a time to every season and these things just sort of happen and have a way of unfolding again, just always hope we can all learn & grow from it.




Show/Hide Icons . Show/Hide Signatures
Hide
{{ title }}
{{ icon }}
{{ body }}
{{ footer }}