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care1
PeaAddict
PeaNut 60,649
January 2003
Posts: 1,672
Layouts: 5
 |  Posted: 1/21/2013 9:24:12 AM
Just on Saturday we went over the rules of the cell phones. DD had to be ready for school - lunch, backpack, coat on, bathroom cleaned before I would hand over her phone. I gave her a 2 minute warning. She didn't make it. I said no phone. Of course, she blew up saying she was ready....but she did end up saying I was only 2 minutes late. She then proceeded to argue with the door open. I said she has now lost it for the day because of the backtalk. Then the dog went running out into the street because she was standing there with the door open complaining how she was only 2 minutes late and I am so unfair. Luckily, she managed to grab the dog and we got her back in the house (85 pound puppy).
What would you do or have done in this situation? How can I manage this better? | |
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GenealoPea
AncestralPea
PeaNut 54,671
November 2002
Posts: 4,449
Layouts: 20
Loc: Charlotte
 | Posted: 1/21/2013 9:29:05 AM
Stick to your guns, Mom. You gave her a warning, she missed the deadline, she deals with the consequences. She will learn from this. If you give in to her "it was only 2 minutes", tomorrow it will be 4 minutes.
She lost her phone for the day because she was late. In my house, the backtalk would have cost her an extra day. She got off easy! 
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Karen
***It's never too late to live happily ever after!***
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Nicole in TX
The Peas did what we do and went insane over it
PeaNut 16,696
June 2001
Posts: 18,167
Layouts: 65
Loc: Not so obvious
 | Posted: 1/21/2013 9:29:11 AM
You're the mom. Stick to the rule. The next time it will be 3 minutes, then 5, then 10.
Teens whine and pitch fits. It is what they do best (especially girls). I wouldn't bring it up again. She learned a lesson and next time will do better if you don't give into your own rules.
P.S. 'Cell phone time' is a great way to mark what the time is. There is no arguing with the satellite! |
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guzismom
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 31,617
March 2002
Posts: 9,340
Layouts: 59
Loc: southern new mexico
| Posted: 1/21/2013 9:29:23 AM
Personally, I would find a different punishment since my kids' cell phones are more for MY peace of mind than for their entertainment or convenience.
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lovetodigi
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 257,022
April 2006
Posts: 7,672
Layouts: 5
Loc: Metro Atlanta
 | Posted: 1/21/2013 9:30:30 AM
Maybe try giving a 5 minute warning. Two minutes is not enough time to finish whatever she was in the middle of, gather everything up, put her coat on and be at the door.
ETA: The back talking is a whole other story. I would not tolerate that at all. Maybe add a chore for the afternoon, every time she back talks. She will eventually be to tired to be so sassy. |
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Nightowl scrapper
Intl Assoc of Epic Length Posters - USA Chapter
PeaNut 103,889
August 2003
Posts: 24,761
Layouts: 0
Loc: Colorado
| Posted: 1/21/2013 9:37:30 AM
Wait, how old is this kid? If she's old enough for a cell phone, she's old enough to comply with rules without a 2 minute warning or a 5 minute warning or any other warning. Seriously, if you are trying to teach her to be a responsible teen or adult, the warnings you give a 5yo are not appropriate. Does she have a clock in the room where she's getting ready? Teach her to use it.
Don't argue with her. Do synchronize clocks. The radio-controlled clocks from Costco are some of the best home furnishing investments I've ever made. If she's not ready at a specified time, like 8:15, then look at the phone before you hand it to her. If the phone says 8:16 or later, then it's goodbye without the phone.
Since this is the consequence you have selected, you need to stick to it. Like guzismom 'I' am the one who needs my kids to have phones during the day, so it would not be my choice of punishment, but stick to your guns, and the fights will be few and far between once she realizes you will keep her phone and not back down. |
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ribbonjunkie
PeaNut
PeaNut 431,337
July 2009
Posts: 239
Layouts: 3
 | Posted: 1/21/2013 9:42:21 AM
I never take my kids phones as punishment. We were in a situation once where I needed to call her but I had taken her phone. They know they can call me whenever they need me. That's why they have them. It was a wake up call for me. | |
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voltagain
OklaPhoma
PeaNut 18,334
July 2001
Posts: 35,115
Layouts: 15
Loc: State of cultural confusion. Yeehaw and Aloha have collided!
| Posted: 1/21/2013 10:02:36 AM
Your dd argues with you because it works often enough to make it worth her time. SHE doesn't get tired of it like you do.
If you want the arguing to stop you have to stand your ground every time you've drawn a line in the sand. Late is late. 2 minutes, one minute, 30 seconds. Teach her to not be dawdling and counting on that last second. Get it done early.
Me, I'd be re-evaluating why she has a phone in the first place. If it is for her after school safety during extra curricular activities it is not a good idea to take it as a punishment. You are leaving her without the safety net you provided.
If it is a toy for social purposes then take it during her social usage hours. Which means the argument would have happened after she got home tonight instead of in the rush to get off on time. You'd be more apt to not give in to speed the morning along so you aren't late too. |
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Iowa_girl
PeaNut
PeaNut 225,620
October 2005
Posts: 378
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 1/21/2013 10:07:19 AM
Pick your battles.
If you get super tight on every little infraction - they will push back harder.
My philosophy has always been to not sweat the little stuff. Rules are rules, and no means no - -- but 2 minutes late is a little extreme to go ballistic over. I would give a warning and ask for some cooperation. | |
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Nightowl scrapper
Intl Assoc of Epic Length Posters - USA Chapter
PeaNut 103,889
August 2003
Posts: 24,761
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Loc: Colorado
| Posted: 1/21/2013 10:11:26 AM
Me, I'd be re-evaluating why she has a phone in the first place. If it is for her after school safety during extra curricular activities it is not a good idea to take it as a punishment. You are leaving her without the safety net you provided.
If it is a toy for social purposes then take it during her social usage hours. Which means the argument would have happened after she got home tonight instead of in the rush to get off on time. You'd be more apt to not give in to speed the morning along so you aren't late too.
I agree with this, and think it's a good solution, personally. Very easy to click on the phone's display "Oops, 8:16, we'll deal with this when you get home. Bye honey, have a good day!"
BTW, where do you live that your daughter is going to school today?
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"Until you put a thought into words, clearly and precisely, it is not a thought at all. It is a kind of fog rolling around inside the skull."
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peasful1
Needs a New Pea Title
PeaNut 44,870
August 2002
Posts: 14,169
Layouts: 1
Loc: Valley of the Sun
| Posted: 1/21/2013 10:16:04 AM
Sounds exhausting. |
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CnBsmommy
PeaAddict
PeaNut 308,331
April 2007
Posts: 1,101
Layouts: 0
Loc: Southwest
 | Posted: 1/21/2013 12:17:27 PM
late is late. she argued because it works. I'd be sticking to my guns. | |
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*maureen*
Bad Wolf
PeaNut 191,892
February 2005
Posts: 5,303
Layouts: 0
Loc: Wheaton
 | Posted: 1/21/2013 12:27:14 PM
Two minutes? I'd remember that he's not perfect and neither am I. | |
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Rhondito
MississiPEA
PeaNut 40,147
June 2002
Posts: 23,613
Layouts: 2
Loc: Flowood, Mississippi
| Posted: 1/21/2013 12:31:20 PM
My philosophy has always been to not sweat the little stuff. Rules are rules, and no means no - -- but 2 minutes late is a little extreme to go ballistic over.
This is what I think as well.
What impact did her finishing two minutes late have? Did she miss the bus? Cause you to be late for work?
And what do you do - stand there and time her each morning? I'm sorry, that just seems a bit overboard. As long as she finished her chores before leaving for school then I'd be happy. |
Rhonda
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IPeaFreely
It's a Higgs, baby!
PeaNut 120,657
December 2003
Posts: 12,236
Layouts: 32
Loc: CERN
| Posted: 1/21/2013 12:31:29 PM
Kids like to push, dont they. Late is late. | |
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futuredoc
PeaNut
PeaNut 576,169
January 2013
Posts: 173
Layouts: 0
Loc: where the wild things are
| Posted: 1/21/2013 12:32:30 PM
Attitude and back talking aside for the moment, I would come up with something a little looser than a 2 minute warning. Like a 5 or 10 minute warning.
I wouldn't take the phone away when she was going to school. Or I would have an extra phone, one of those cheapo trac phones or something, she could take on days she loses her phone privileges. If something happened and she NEEDED to call you or call 911 or something, you would want her to have a phone and not just hope one of her friends was around to call for her or let her use their phone.
Taking the phone away when she is home is another matter, and might be an appropriate punishment for her response. |
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