WWTPT? Teenage girl drama-update

Two Peas is Closing
Click here to visit our final product sale. Click here to visit our FAQ page regarding the closing of Two Peas.

Posted 1/26/2013 by **cindyupnorth** in NSBR Board
 

**cindyupnorth**
Tony is MY hoochie!

PeaNut 3,902
April 2000
Posts: 26,090
Layouts: 9
Loc: MN

Posted: 1/26/2013 12:05:31 PM
Update: so Dd and other friend went to the party. They showed up and everyone was happy to see them. They had a good time. K was also there, and they all hugged, and talked, and were friendly. Took alot of pic's, and rode to the dance together. So all is fine. I honestly now think that K feels bad about the whole thing, and realizes she made a mistake. They are all still good friends, and had a great time.
Thanks for all the input!!
--------------------------------------------------
OP:

Ok..I just wanted to throw this teenage girl drama out there, and see what the other P mom's thought about this...just curious...

Winter formal is this wkend. Usually my dd and her 3 friends go to the friends house and have dinner together. It was assumed this yr woud be the same. It gets closer to the wk, and my dd asks her friend what they are doing? Friend K tells dd that she can't do it this yr, as their house is way too cluttered, and she's too busy. OK. fine. So I said they could come over to our house. Thinking in my head that something is going on with friend K. So dd tells her friends. Friend K then says she is going to a get together with other kids. No biggie. Dd tells her friends, and they are coming over. We plan the night, etc. Dd is excited. DD has to work concessions that night,and while there, boy B says, Are you coming tomorrow night? dd says, No, I wasn't invited, so A,B,C are coming over to my house. Boy B says. NO.you were invited??!! I'm sure you were. OK...dd says, I know nothing. A few mins pass and girl M who is having the get together comes up and says. You were invited to my party tomorrow night, K was suppose to tell you. DD is like, no, she didn't say anything. Well...girl M says, You are! and you should come! So dd says, Maybe we'll stop by later, is that ok? because we already have plans to get ready together and have dinner at my house? girl M says, sure! So...dd is thinking..WHY did friend K NOT tell her about the party?
So she confronts Friend K..asks her what is up? Friend K says she didn't feel it was her responsiblity to tell dd..??

Sooo..what are your thoughts on this?






ilovepaper
AncestralPea

PeaNut 48,645
September 2002
Posts: 4,583
Layouts: 151
Loc: Second star to the right, then straight on till morning....

Posted: 1/26/2013 12:07:42 PM
Girls are b*t**es! My daughter is only 12 and already dealing with this.

sorry I know that doesn't really help.


Andrea

SockMonkey
LibrariaNerd

PeaNut 56,220
November 2002
Posts: 29,828
Layouts: 184
Loc: Illinois

Posted: 1/26/2013 12:08:31 PM
My thought is, for whatever reason, Friend K is being a little bitch and your daughter should start distancing herself.

I fricking HATE teenage girl drama!

PierKiss
What if everything is an illusion & nothing exists

PeaNut 82,319
April 2003
Posts: 15,081
Layouts: 39

Posted: 1/26/2013 12:16:17 PM
Girl k has decided there is some problem between the 2 of them and has decided to try and exclude your daughter for whatever reason. She's being a turd. She needs to either tell your kid what's up or let it go.



caroscraps
7 Sweetpeas for me

PeaNut 20,301
August 2001
Posts: 12,471
Layouts: 0
Loc: The PEAch State

Posted: 1/26/2013 12:24:48 PM
Girls can be so bitchy. Really though, M should have invited your DD. and left K out of doing the inviting but teen girls don't think logically until about age 22. LOL


<>< <>< <><
****************************************************
********************************************









Uploaded with iPhone client

giatocj
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 6,331
August 2000
Posts: 5,409
Layouts: 143
Loc: Beautiful New England

Posted: 1/26/2013 12:24:57 PM
Why didn't the girl who is hosting invite your dd herself, instead of leaving it up to someone else? Or did I miss that in the OP? Not that what friend K did was right in any way, but it could've been avoided.

SockMonkey
LibrariaNerd

PeaNut 56,220
November 2002
Posts: 29,828
Layouts: 184
Loc: Illinois

Posted: 1/26/2013 12:26:58 PM

Why didn't the girl who is hosting invite your dd herself, instead of leaving it up to someone else? Or did I miss that in the OP? Not that what friend K did was right in any way, but it could've been avoided.


Totally, but being a high school teacher I will tell you that I spend a LOT of time around teenage girls, and if there is a complicated way to do something, that's how they'll do it.

It's like watching a horror movie where the lady goes into the dark room with nothing but a broom and you're like, "NOOO!!! RUN AWAY!"

There's just no stopping them. LOL!

SockMonkey
LibrariaNerd

PeaNut 56,220
November 2002
Posts: 29,828
Layouts: 184
Loc: Illinois

Posted: 1/26/2013 12:26:58 PM

Why didn't the girl who is hosting invite your dd herself, instead of leaving it up to someone else? Or did I miss that in the OP? Not that what friend K did was right in any way, but it could've been avoided.


Totally, but being a high school teacher I will tell you that I spend a LOT of time around teenage girls, and if there is a complicated way to do something, that's how they'll do it.

It's like watching a horror movie where the lady goes into the dark room with nothing but a broom and you're like, "NOOO!!! RUN AWAY!"

There's just no stopping them. LOL!

gar
Whoopea!

PeaNut 172,235
October 2004
Posts: 15,755
Layouts: 0
Loc: England UK

Posted: 1/26/2013 12:29:33 PM
DD needs to see this for what it is and carry on as normal whilst being aware and keeping up with all her friends independently.



Today, I will be colouring outside the lines.


**cindyupnorth**
Tony is MY hoochie!

PeaNut 3,902
April 2000
Posts: 26,090
Layouts: 9
Loc: MN

Posted: 1/26/2013 12:33:17 PM
Yea..I agree, it was like one mistake after another. While I DO think that girl M should have done the inviting, I can see where she was with friend K and they were talking and thought it was taken care of? KWIM? DD only sees girl M 1x all day, and in a group of other kids, so maybe girl M didn't see an oppurtnity to ask her? Vs friend K is with dd ALLLL day, and had plenty of opps to broach it. The only thing I can think of is that one of their friends was most likely NOT invited..so that is why friend K didn't say anything. Just exclude all of them, and not say anything, so she didn't have to be the bearer of the bad news? so to say?






ilovebuble
PeaFixture

PeaNut 539,539
January 2012
Posts: 3,850
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/26/2013 12:38:58 PM
K is right, it isn't her responsibility to invite people to another persons party. How many times have we heard about friends of friends inviting other friends to parties and having it get out of hand?

Perhaps she did have other motives but I'd just chalk this up to girls being girls.

salt-of-the-earth
PeaFixture

PeaNut 65,350
January 2003
Posts: 3,918
Layouts: 4
Loc: Florida

Posted: 1/26/2013 12:44:58 PM
My DD runs into situations that are heartbreaking ... she always invites others and although these are very nice girls and we really like them, most of the time they are always busy doing something else..but DD is also not invited to join in on the "something else" ... makes for a very lonely time. It gets to the point where it's hard to keep encouraging her to invite because as the "no's" build up, trying does more harm than good in making her feel unwanted.






Basket1lady
AncestralPea

PeaNut 465,906
April 2010
Posts: 4,602
Layouts: 0
Loc: Northern Virginia

Posted: 1/26/2013 1:23:01 PM
LOL sockMonkey. She nailed it.

In my DD's group, all the inviting is done by texting. That's a huge reason why DD has unlimited texting.

But even if the kids have classes together, some days are just busy with little time to chit chat. And because kids this age are so wrapped up in themselves, they don't realize how much they have the power to hurt each other. And because girls this age are so sensitive, they can get their feelings more easily hurt. And they don't have the maturity to see the hurt they cause.

So much of our social lives has become so casual, I think it's easier to leave someone out unintentionally. Or it could just be that this girl has some issue with your DD and this is how she's dealing with it.



Michelle
Uploaded with iPhone client

**cindyupnorth**
Tony is MY hoochie!

PeaNut 3,902
April 2000
Posts: 26,090
Layouts: 9
Loc: MN

Posted: 1/26/2013 1:28:30 PM
I agree somewhat that it wasn't K's responsibility to invite. BUT if you were going to a party, and they told you to tell your friend...would you intentionally NOT tell her? I mean..she could have said..Oh..I'm sure you're invited too, or I think M needs to talk to you about that..or something..but just NOT SAY A THING? !






JakeJakesMom
PeaAddict

PeaNut 175,158
November 2004
Posts: 1,579
Layouts: 0
Loc: Texas

Posted: 1/26/2013 2:18:36 PM
Could it maybe have to do with a boy being there that K likes but is afraid he might like your daughter instead of her?


Independent Scentsy Consultant

Uploaded with iPhone client

pennyring
Thrift Ninja

PeaNut 226,011
October 2005
Posts: 23,312
Layouts: 40
Loc: Rite Aid

Posted: 1/26/2013 2:24:27 PM
The hostess needs to do the inviting. If K went around inviting a bunch of people, we'd be jumping all over her.




NWShelly
PeaAddict

PeaNut 119,235
December 2003
Posts: 1,135
Layouts: 25
Loc: NorthWest

Posted: 1/26/2013 2:32:30 PM
for my two cents...
K had opportunities to tell your dd about the gathering but chose not to - so this 'friend' really isn't one right now - she has other priorities/motives.

i hope dd goes with her other friends and has fun all the same.

teen girls suck.






mdoc
Peaing under the Radar

PeaNut 61,691
January 2003
Posts: 12,447
Layouts: 0
Loc: In the Middle

Posted: 1/26/2013 2:41:28 PM
My thoughts - friend K is not a friend, and friend M is socially inept and should learn how to properly invite people to an event.

Dalai Mama
La Pea Boheme

PeaNut 49,641
September 2002
Posts: 26,337
Layouts: 85
Loc: Drunk on the lawn in a nuclear dawn

Posted: 1/26/2013 2:44:39 PM
Regardless of who should have invited whom, K knew that it was M's intention that your daughter be invited and intentionally kept her mouth shut throughout the conversation about your daughter's party.

A friend would have said something along the lines of, "I'm going to a party at M's, but she mentioned that she wanted you to come too." Not saying anything screams alternative motive.


Jo Mama

***********************************

Gotta kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight. - Bruce Cockburn

The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. - Douglas Adams


Mallie
PeaFixture

PeaNut 574,604
December 2012
Posts: 3,746
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/26/2013 2:47:04 PM
K is trying to cut your daughter out. Your daughter has been given an opportunity to see a red flag.

**cindyupnorth**
Tony is MY hoochie!

PeaNut 3,902
April 2000
Posts: 26,090
Layouts: 9
Loc: MN

Posted: 1/26/2013 3:31:10 PM
Mama, that is sort of how I am feeling. Though dd's other friend A is over right now..the one that I don't think was invited..and I guess friend K called her up last night after dd talked to K, and was crying about what happened. So I do think she feels bad. SHe just scrwed up. I'm encourging dd to just drop it and move on. Dd is still gunning for a fight I think..ugh.
I honestly think both girls were trying to protect other friend A...just 2 different ways.






writermom1
Thrift Whisperer

PeaNut 114,407
November 2003
Posts: 22,729
Layouts: 66
Loc: At the intersection of Hooterville and Stars Hollow

Posted: 1/26/2013 3:39:23 PM
K may be cutting her out or be wholly innocent.

I cannot imagine why it would be her duty to issue invitations to someone else's party. She may also have felt she was sparing feelings by not sharing details if she was unsure your DD was invited.



Uploaded with iPhone client

writermom1
Thrift Whisperer

PeaNut 114,407
November 2003
Posts: 22,729
Layouts: 66
Loc: At the intersection of Hooterville and Stars Hollow

Posted: 1/26/2013 3:46:47 PM
Salt-of-the-Earth I am so sorry that happens to your DD.

My DD goes from quite popular to somewhat left out dependent on the sport season. She and her friends still care for each other but kids tend toward "love the one your with"'and when they are off doing their sports together and she's doing hers off season - it happens and it can hurt.



Uploaded with iPhone client

DastardlyBoo
pea long and prosper

PeaNut 82,656
April 2003
Posts: 10,757
Layouts: 99
Loc: in the middle

Posted: 1/26/2013 4:10:49 PM

Mama, that is sort of how I am feeling. Though dd's other friend A is over right now..the one that I don't think was invited..and I guess friend K called her up last night after dd talked to K, and was crying about what happened. So I do think she feels bad. SHe just scrwed up. I'm encourging dd to just drop it and move on. Dd is still gunning for a fight I think..ugh.
I honestly think both girls were trying to protect other friend A...just 2 different ways.


Ahhhhh now that makes sense. Good on you for urging DD to drop it. Sometimes we are too eager to pigeonhole people, she's cool, she's a bitch, she's a nerd etc... It could have been a misunderstanding all along, or it could have been very well intentioned.



Not all those who wander are lost. ~J.R.R. Tolkien

Epeanymous
PeaFixture

PeaNut 15,108
May 2001
Posts: 3,301
Layouts: 1

Posted: 1/26/2013 5:06:59 PM
Another possibility. M invited K. K really wanted to go to M's. K said, I want to come to your house, M, but I always do something with A. M tells K, oh, you can always bring A if you want. K isn't sure if M means it. The whole situation is awkward for her. She has already told M she is coming, so she doesn't want to bail, but if she shows up with A and A wasn't really invited, that is weird and awkward too. K figures if M wants to invite A, surely she will do so.

ETA: in this hypo, A was your daughter. Sorry, as I see up thread that someone else is A.

**cindyupnorth**
Tony is MY hoochie!

PeaNut 3,902
April 2000
Posts: 26,090
Layouts: 9
Loc: MN

Posted: 1/26/2013 5:16:52 PM
No, that's not how it happened at all. In fact all the other kids that were going already knew dd was invited, so when she said she wasn't invited they all told her yes, she was! they were all suprised that she didn't know in fact, cuz it was known she was. KWIM? it was A...the other friend that was the ?? on. I'm not really sure if she was invited at all to tell you the truth.
It's a small small HS, so it's not like she would be worried about a hundered people showing up. ha.






Maryland
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 87,597
May 2003
Posts: 11,075
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/26/2013 5:41:53 PM
Yes, M should have said something, but I would totally blame K. M asked K to invite the girls. If K was too busy to invite them she should have told M to do it herself. My daughter is 15 and the kids seem to tell each other about get togethers. Sounds like K is jealous of your daughter! She probably felt that with your daughter not there, she (k) will get more attention.

If I was your daughter, I would stay away from K unless she offers an apology, a good one!

I hope the kids have a great time at the parties and the dance!


happytobemom
BucketHead

PeaNut 134,598
March 2004
Posts: 608
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/26/2013 6:03:23 PM
K is a "frienemy".

Your daughter should be pleasant, but distance herself from K. For whatever reason, K has decided to alienate your daughter and the other kids (i.e. M) are giving her the power.

I wish I could give you some hope for this having a good outcome, but it is doubtful.

Sadly, the movie Mean Girls, is spot on.

CountryHam
PeaFixture

PeaNut 335,105
August 2007
Posts: 3,691
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/26/2013 6:24:54 PM
Who invites people to a party through a third person. It was 100% M's responsibility to invite your daughter herself and not K's anyhow.

**cindyupnorth**
Tony is MY hoochie!

PeaNut 3,902
April 2000
Posts: 26,090
Layouts: 9
Loc: MN

Posted: 1/26/2013 6:48:12 PM
It's a small small school. Small town. It's not like they send out invites. I think M just assumed K said something, since they are always together..and..well..there ya go.
I've always sense a bit of ...competition between K and my dd. My dd of course could care less. But I think K always wants to be the smartest, pretties, and most popular.

The girls had a good time at our house. They got their hair done. Watched a movie. did make up. We grilled a rib eye dinner, with baked pototoes, carrots and cheesecake, and had a nice time. No drama!!! Then they went off to the party for an hr..and will catch a ride to the dance with other friends there. So it's all good!! Unless something happens at the party or dance......update to come tomorrow..HA






cmccasandra
BucketHead

PeaNut 252,301
March 2006
Posts: 989
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/26/2013 7:32:35 PM
Girls are just meaner than heck!!!! DD is 13 and has had some girls like this come along


Casandra



ScrapWench*
Seems a pity to miss such a good pudding.

PeaNut 247,139
February 2006
Posts: 18,899
Layouts: 0
Loc: Spokane, WA

Posted: 1/26/2013 7:40:08 PM

My thought is, for whatever reason, Friend K is being a little bitch and your daughter should start distancing herself.

I fricking HATE teenage girl drama!



As the mom of 3 teen-aged girls (16,17,19), I agree with Sock. I nip that shit in the bud with my girls. They know if they play those kinds of bitchy, shitty games with anyone, especially girls they consider friends, they lose privileges right quick. I don't put up with games and teen girls are masters at them.


----Theresa

ScrapWench*
Seems a pity to miss such a good pudding.

PeaNut 247,139
February 2006
Posts: 18,899
Layouts: 0
Loc: Spokane, WA

Posted: 1/26/2013 7:46:02 PM

Who invites people to a party through a third person. It was 100% M's responsibility to invite your daughter herself and not K's anyhow.


You obviously don't have teenagers. They do that alllll the time.


----Theresa

Laurel Jean
generic pea

PeaNut 76,877
March 2003
Posts: 9,436
Layouts: 179
Loc: Michigan

Posted: 1/26/2013 7:52:35 PM
This, too, shall pass. Chances are they'll forget about it long before you do.

Teen aged girls are funny creatures.

Maryland
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 87,597
May 2003
Posts: 11,075
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/26/2013 9:45:07 PM
I have three girls, 9, 13 and 15. They really haven't had any issue like that with friends. But my husband always says (when he hears stories like this), "why is it always girls that seem to be so catty?" He tells our girls they should just hang out with the boys if girls start treating them (or other kids) like this.

**cindyupnorth**
Tony is MY hoochie!

PeaNut 3,902
April 2000
Posts: 26,090
Layouts: 9
Loc: MN

Posted: 1/26/2013 9:52:42 PM
"You obviously don't have teenagers. They do that alllll the time"

Yep..pretty much. And like I said..it's a small town, small school. casual. I'm dying to know how it all went down tonight when DD showed up at the party. She really looked cute!! ha






NWShelly
PeaAddict

PeaNut 119,235
December 2003
Posts: 1,135
Layouts: 25
Loc: NorthWest

Posted: 1/27/2013 3:35:51 AM
my dd (age 13) has been in similar situations and she so wants to remain friends with the person that did her wrong...but at the same time she is so angry...i told her..."go ahead and forgive her but DON'T forget it...proceed cautiously".

now she wants to hang with the boys because there is too much drama with the girls - but i'm not digging that too much either.

teen years were easier with the boys.






writermom1
Thrift Whisperer

PeaNut 114,407
November 2003
Posts: 22,729
Layouts: 66
Loc: At the intersection of Hooterville and Stars Hollow

Posted: 1/27/2013 8:44:46 AM
I appreciate scrapwench's input here.

My DD deals with this in that any boy who shows an interest in her - or vice versa - her friends immediately have to text or message him too. It's like they think that getting "in" with him too is what close friends do?

It's frustrating for her because she's more a friendly but don't overstep type.

The situations with kids these age can be exhausting and seeing kids hurt it never fun.



Uploaded with iPhone client

**cindyupnorth**
Tony is MY hoochie!

PeaNut 3,902
April 2000
Posts: 26,090
Layouts: 9
Loc: MN

Posted: 1/27/2013 10:33:42 AM
Btt for update in OP






tamhugh
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 12,875
March 2001
Posts: 8,668
Layouts: 11

Posted: 1/27/2013 11:28:24 AM

Who invites people to a party through a third person. It was 100% M's responsibility to invite your daughter herself and not K's anyhow.



Teenagers. ANd it isn't new. We did it that way 30 years ago.
Show/Hide Icons . Show/Hide Signatures
Hide
{{ title }}
{{ icon }}
{{ body }}
{{ footer }}