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lotsokids
BucketHead
PeaNut 308,963
April 2007
Posts: 951
Layouts: 0
Loc: Lovin Life in CA
 |  Posted: 2/5/2013 12:05:19 PM
My neighbor and I have been neighbor's/friends for 15 years-we have done many things together over the years and get along well, but she has one problem-she is a very jealous person, not just with my family but everyone she knows.
She constantly puts down everything we do-restaurants we go to, the gym we belong to, the cars we drive, etc. but the big one that bothers me is the trips we take. She can not have one nice thing to say about them-puts all of them down and then when we come back, she acts like we were never even gone-can't ask how the trip was at all. I have never said anything to her about this behavior.
Until this past weekend, we were over at their house and she started with me about about our upcoming trip to Hawaii-telling me how she hates Hawaii, blah, blah, blah....That was the last straw for me and I left-actually my son was not feeling well at the time, so I took him home and stayed there with him. I sent her a text later explaining that I do not like when she does that and she told me to never call her or text her again! HUH??????? Really, because I told her I didn't like when she does that?
Anyone ever have this kind of experience or can lend advice on what to do? I am really perplexed and don't want to end the relationship, because we do live next door to each other. BTW, other friends have complained about this also, so not just me. | |
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KatieBPea
PeaFixture
PeaNut 30,940
February 2002
Posts: 3,943
Layouts: 0
Loc: NJ
 | Posted: 2/5/2013 12:13:57 PM
This doesn't sound like a friend to me. I would keep my distance from here on out. |
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PSILUVU
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 427,403
June 2009
Posts: 2,439
Layouts: 14
Loc: Canada's Capital
 | Posted: 2/5/2013 12:16:26 PM
Whe people show you who they are BELIEVE them. I would stay far away and consider myself lucky I didn't have such a wacko in my life. |
Kelli
2012 Goals/ Completed
pages 75/10
cards 50/13
2011 Totals
pages 53
cards 26
Please ignore the typos..I do know how to spell, I DON"T know how to type
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gar
Whoopea!
PeaNut 172,235
October 2004
Posts: 12,435
Layouts: 0
Loc: England UK
 | Posted: 2/5/2013 12:18:06 PM
She's obviously very jealous...what a shame! I don't know that there's much you can do to be honest. Now she knows you've seen through her, so to speak, she can hardly keep doing it, nor can she pretend nothing's happened and pick up where you left off.
Maybe give it a bit of time then make a 'neutral' approach casually and see how she reacts.
Not easy
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"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
Stephen Roberts
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Annabella
Leads a Charmed Life
PeaNut 43,843
July 2002
Posts: 42,239
Layouts: 46
Loc: East Coast
 | Posted: 2/5/2013 12:19:11 PM
Sounds like she can't afford a vacation and is insanely jealous of yours. Let her go. |
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Georgiapea
Mom to the Wild Things.
PeaNut 96,783
July 2003
Posts: 26,411
Layouts: 0
Loc: Poss-a-Dillo Hill, Ozark, AL
 | Posted: 2/5/2013 12:21:00 PM
Be thankful she ended a 'relationship' that was not good for you. I'd take her advice and not respond in any way, ever. | |
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Paisleys Garden
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 464,263
April 2010
Posts: 2,848
Layouts: 8
Loc: MinneSNOWta
| Posted: 2/5/2013 12:21:05 PM
The meaning of your words in a text can be misunderstood. Go over there and talk to her. Make it about how you feel when she puts down your trips, etc. | |
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MetalDancer
PeaAddict
PeaNut 328,901
July 2007
Posts: 1,813
Layouts: 1
Loc: I like calling North Carolina home!
 | Posted: 2/5/2013 12:24:44 PM
I really don't have any advice for you, but she's gonna have to get over herself. I haven't taken a real vacation in years, and won't be anytime soon since XH left. There's no money. But to begrudge my friends THEIR vacations, vehicles or leisure time activities is just beyond me. |
Lisa =^..^=
"What fresh hell is this?" Sheldon Cooper | |
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paigepea
I'm PEAchy Keen!
PeaNut 74,479
March 2003
Posts: 16,990
Layouts: 116
| Posted: 2/5/2013 12:29:14 PM
If she's been your friend for 15 years and you never mentioned it, why did you mention it now?
I'm not saying her behaviour is acceptable, I'm just saying that many friends have faults and we accept them and don't say anything until we vent to our husbands because we enjoy our friends and move on, or we're not friends for 15 years.
I probably would have just said something like how we love Hawaii and we have a fabulous vacation there every time we go and how we can't wait, and that's it. Your discussing it with her isn't going to change her so you accept her fault or you're not friends.
Paige. |
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KittenOnTheKeys
PeaFixture
PeaNut 498,237
February 2011
Posts: 3,045
Layouts: 0
Loc: SW
 | Posted: 2/5/2013 12:29:15 PM
What do you expect when you TEXT something like that? Anything of that nature should have been taken care of face to face. She is probably on a message board somewhere saying "you wouldn't believe what my so called neighbor/friend TEXTED after abruptly leaving my house". |
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Annabella
Leads a Charmed Life
PeaNut 43,843
July 2002
Posts: 42,239
Layouts: 46
Loc: East Coast
| Posted: 2/5/2013 12:31:13 PM
What do you expect when you TEXT something like that? Anything of that nature should have been taken care of face to face. She is probably on a message board somewhere saying "you wouldn't believe what my so called neighbor/friend TEXTED after abruptly leaving my house".
That's true, you're basically starting a fight via text, she couldn't be bother to engage in a long conversation explaining herself via text. |
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CraftChickaPowPow
PeaAddict
PeaNut 477,269
August 2010
Posts: 1,455
Layouts: 0
Loc: N 4720.2 W 12206.2
| Posted: 2/5/2013 12:35:50 PM
Are you neighbors with my sister? Your OP has described her to a T! No matter what we buy or where we go she has something negative to say...until she buys that/goes there then she can't shut up about how awesome it is |
| They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. | |
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CreativeEngineer
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 134,808
March 2004
Posts: 6,137
Layouts: 4
Loc: East Coast
| Posted: 2/5/2013 12:43:05 PM
Go over with some cookies and try to make peace. If she wasn't your neighbor, I'd say let her go. But having first hand experience with a feud with neighbors, at least try to remain civil.
And maybe you can try to talk about something that she can relate to or can participate in. Being the poor one in the group sucks and it sound like she does this as a defense mechanism. |
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lotsokids
BucketHead
PeaNut 308,963
April 2007
Posts: 951
Layouts: 0
Loc: Lovin Life in CA
| Posted: 2/5/2013 12:45:46 PM
I texted her because: 1-I did not want it to turn into a scene right out of RHBH and 2-because she would never of let me say what I wanted to say.
Why have I been friends with her for so long? I have gone months without talking to her because of this kind of thing and when a bunch of people are part of a group you sometimes don't want to stir the pot.
I would go and talk to her, but I doubt she would open the door-like many of you said, stay away-I just wanted to hear it from other people. I am actually going to go chat with one of my other neighbors in a little bit-she knows exactally what I am talking about. | |
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Peppermintpatty
AncestralPea
PeaNut 279,995
October 2006
Posts: 4,291
Layouts: 40
Loc: Peaing in Rockville, MD
| Posted: 2/5/2013 12:46:32 PM
You need to deal with this face to face. Texting was a BAD idea. Never, ever say anything important in a text where inflection is important. |
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*maureen*
Bad Wolf
PeaNut 191,892
February 2005
Posts: 5,290
Layouts: 0
Loc: Wheaton
| Posted: 2/5/2013 12:49:58 PM
I would go and talk to her, but I doubt she would open the door-like many of you said, stay away-I just wanted to hear it from other people. I am actually going to go chat with one of my other neighbors in a little bit-she knows exactally what I am talking about.
Maybe the best thing would be to just let it rest and not bring another person into the situation. | |
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writermom1
Thrift Whisperer
PeaNut 114,407
November 2003
Posts: 22,277
Layouts: 66
Loc: At the intersection of Hooterville and Stars Hollow
| Posted: 2/5/2013 12:50:01 PM
I am actually going to go chat with one of my other neighbors in a little bit-she knows exactally what I am talking about.
You are not a preteen middle school girl. Talking to others and gathering your troops to see things your way is not adult behavior.
ETA: Two of us noted the same issue in under a minute. Please consider this advice. |
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Kinley-pea
Will I ever get to Buckethead?!
PeaNut 519,300
August 2011
Posts: 406
Layouts: 0
Loc: Nevada!!
 | Posted: 2/5/2013 12:51:59 PM
I am sorry! I had a friend like this, she constantly put us down and we finally had to sever ties with her.
I had just had it with her belittling me and my DH. |
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
Ralph Waldo Emerson | |
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lotsokids
BucketHead
PeaNut 308,963
April 2007
Posts: 951
Layouts: 0
Loc: Lovin Life in CA
| Posted: 2/5/2013 12:52:47 PM
I am going to go chat with my neighbor for advice-hoping she has something wise to say and how to approach her-not to "gather the troops" thats not my style. I was hoping my neighbor would help me talk to her. | |
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Maryland
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 87,597
May 2003
Posts: 8,775
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 2/5/2013 12:55:31 PM
You are a good person! I don't know how anyone could be friends with someone like that for so long. I would not worry about it. Sounds like she isn't a friend at all. If she is so jealous, I don't understand why she is friends with anyone. She should just keep to herself.
If you do make up, I would just tell her nothing anymore. Let her wonder why you were gone for 2 weeks (on your great vacation!!).
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*KAS*
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 408,684
January 2009
Posts: 6,731
Layouts: 0
Loc: Georgia girl
 | Posted: 2/5/2013 12:56:23 PM
When you left her house, did she know you were upset by something? You said you didn't say anything to her, but could she tell by your demeanor or the way you left that you were mad?
And would you be willing to say what exactly you said in the text?
I'm only asking because her reaction seems REALLY over the top for you to have said 'I don't like when you speak negatively about my trips' for a 15 year friend / neighbor.
I'm just trying to determine if she interpreted it more harsh than you meant it or if she's just being dramatic. Because depending on which would determine how I would personally respond / make an effort to make peace. |
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KELLI
Had to delete my old account, but I've been here since July 2006! | |
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Paisleys Garden
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 464,263
April 2010
Posts: 2,848
Layouts: 8
Loc: MinneSNOWta
| Posted: 2/5/2013 12:57:24 PM
I am actually going to go chat with one of my other neighbors in a little bit-she knows exactally what I am talking about.
What are your thinking?
You are not a preteen middle school girl. Talking to others and gathering your troops to see things your way is not adult behavior.
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Woobster
The Banana Under the Couch Pea
PeaNut 295,941
February 2007
Posts: 6,594
Layouts: 0
Loc: Somewhere over the rainbow...
| Posted: 2/5/2013 12:57:24 PM
I agree that this friend sounds very jealous and it's probably good for you that the relationship ends.
However, I don't think this is something you handle via text. If you have a problem with how she treats you or talks to you. TELL her... don't text it. | |
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nicolequinn
Sick of Snow
PeaNut 41,352
June 2002
Posts: 5,843
Layouts: 0
Loc: Alaska
| Posted: 2/5/2013 12:58:54 PM
I was sort of with you until this:
I would go and talk to her, but I doubt she would open the door-like many of you said, stay away-I just wanted to hear it from other people. I am actually going to go chat with one of my other neighbors in a little bit-she knows exactally what I am talking about.
Holy Cow... I'm not perfect either! I'm sure that there are many things I do to irritate my friends, all of which are unknown to me. But after FIFTEEN YEARS, you are going to leave her house in a huff, then TEXT her a message that basically is calling her out as a bitch, then gossip about her to the rest of your group of "friends".
All I can say is I'm glad I'm not in your inner circle.
Gross. |
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Kinley-pea
Will I ever get to Buckethead?!
PeaNut 519,300
August 2011
Posts: 406
Layouts: 0
Loc: Nevada!!
| Posted: 2/5/2013 1:02:32 PM
Holy Cow... I'm not perfect either! I'm sure that there are many things I do to irritate my friends, all of which are unknown to me. But after FIFTEEN YEARS, you are going to leave her house in a huff, then TEXT her a message that basically is calling her out as a bitch, then gossip about her to the rest of your group of "friends".
All I can say is I'm glad I'm not in your inner circle.
Gross.
Oh PUL-lease, I don't think that is her intention to go "gossip". But you can't honestly tell me you haven't done the same thing. When you having a falling out with a friend it is quite common to have a talk with another friend who understands and has "been there". You have to have an outlet to vent too or get advice from! |
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
Ralph Waldo Emerson | |
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eebud
Doxie Pea Mom
PeaNut 52,841
October 2002
Posts: 30,986
Layouts: 25
| Posted: 2/5/2013 1:02:59 PM
I am actually going to go chat with one of my other neighbors in a little bit-she knows exactally what I am talking about.
PLEASE don't bring others into your issues with your neighbor. Keep the gossip at home with your DH. You can vent to him.
I find that Negative Nellies are very draining. People who are negative about everything just really wear me down. I tend to distance myself from these people. I might not cut them from my life completely but I do limit the amount of time I am around them. When I am around a Negative Nellie, I try to turn things positive and change the subject if that is the best thing to do. For instance, the Hawaii example, I would have said, "We love Hawaii and I'm sure we will have a good time" and then I would change the subject to something unrelated to travel. If I had never been to Hawaii, I would probably say "We have always wanted to go and we can't wait to check it out for ourselves. If we don't like it, we never have to go back." and then I would change the subject. |
 
Hans on left, Bud in middle, Gretchen on right | |
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Maryland
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 87,597
May 2003
Posts: 8,775
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 2/5/2013 1:04:55 PM
Sorry, just realized she is next door neighbor. That makes it hard. You don't want to be uncomfortable every time you leave the house. Ok, I would make cookies like the other pea suggested. Take them over. Tell her that you shouldn't have sent a text, you were frustrated. You didn't mean to hurt her feelings. You just feel sad that she puts down everything you buy/do. She is your best friend and even though it isn't a place she likes, you would like her to be happy for you because you are doing something you like. She isn't going on the trip, you are. Tell her you want to be able to share things with her.
I think this will help you get into a conversation about how you feel.
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Kinley-pea
Will I ever get to Buckethead?!
PeaNut 519,300
August 2011
Posts: 406
Layouts: 0
Loc: Nevada!!
| Posted: 2/5/2013 1:05:48 PM
PLEASE don't bring others into your issues with your neighbor. Keep the gossip at home with your DH. You can vent to him.
A husband isn't always the best person to vent too, I personally, do vent to my DH about things but sometimes I just want another woman's perspective. Maybe she does too |
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
Ralph Waldo Emerson | |
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Lisa Risser
Lisa Risser
PeaNut 184,588
January 2005
Posts: 13,973
Layouts: 352
Loc: Minnesota
| Posted: 2/5/2013 1:06:47 PM
Is it at all possible that she sees talk of your vacations, your cars, your gym,etc... as bragging? Sometimes it helps to put yourself in someone elses shoes and try to see it from their perspective. If you are talking alot about these things, maybe this is neighbors way of getting you to stop. Just a thought, and maybe way off the mark.
I would leave her alone, and would not involve others in this. |
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lotsokids
BucketHead
PeaNut 308,963
April 2007
Posts: 951
Layouts: 0
Loc: Lovin Life in CA
| Posted: 2/5/2013 1:07:22 PM
I am not going to go gossip to my friends-like I said above, I was going to go seek advice from another friend. I am not a gossiper, it is not my style-I was hoping she would be able to help me talk to her because I am confused by my neighbors actions-thus the reason for the post-was hoping other people had this kind of experience and could help. | |
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blondiek237
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 70,239
February 2003
Posts: 2,847
Layouts: 8
Loc: Massachusetts
| Posted: 2/5/2013 1:07:50 PM
She has been showing you who she really is--BELIEVE HER. You can be civil without being her friend. heck I am civil to a lot of people I don't really care for. As for you going to another friend, I understand what you mean, sometimes we need to speak with someone that knows the situation and the people involved. I don't think it sounded like you were going to "gossip". | |
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not2peased
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 260,865
May 2006
Posts: 12,870
Layouts: 0
Loc: Northeast
 | Posted: 2/5/2013 1:07:55 PM
I think you do as she asks-never phone or text her again. she sounds like a real asshole |
-Kerry
Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others.
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not2peased
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 260,865
May 2006
Posts: 12,870
Layouts: 0
Loc: Northeast
| Posted: 2/5/2013 1:10:51 PM
I wouldnt be asking the other neighbor for "advice" either, sounds to me like you are trying to stir the pot.
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-Kerry
Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others.
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ramblin72
PeaNut
PeaNut 85,321
May 2003
Posts: 248
Layouts: 73
| Posted: 2/5/2013 1:13:32 PM
you have all the advice here 
i would not involve the other neighbor also
i think you just have to decide if the good outweighs the bad
no one in this life is perfect. personally i cannot stand the saying...."if someone shows you who they are, believe them".
of course we don't walk around showing the world our flaws. we always want people to think the best of us. dumbest saying ever!
maybe there are a tonne of things people don't like about you either and put up with them because the good outweigh the bad and they love you regardless. life is not perfect.
if you can't find a way around accepting this flaw she has and think overall the relationship is not worth saving then just leave things as she requests. | |
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eebud
Doxie Pea Mom
PeaNut 52,841
October 2002
Posts: 30,986
Layouts: 25
| Posted: 2/5/2013 1:17:53 PM
PLEASE don't bring others into your issues with your neighbor. Keep the gossip at home with your DH. You can vent to him.
A husband isn't always the best person to vent too, I personally, do vent to my DH about things but sometimes I just want another woman's perspective. Maybe she does too
Fine, the go vent to another friend that is not another neighbor. As others said, it sounds like stirring the pot.......let me go try to get this neighbor on my side. Leave the other neighbors out of it. |
Hans on left, Bud in middle, Gretchen on right | |
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Belia
PeaAddict
PeaNut 503,375
March 2011
Posts: 1,030
Layouts: 3
| Posted: 2/5/2013 1:21:37 PM
I would never have had such a "conversation" via text. | |
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lotsokids
BucketHead
PeaNut 308,963
April 2007
Posts: 951
Layouts: 0
Loc: Lovin Life in CA
| Posted: 2/5/2013 1:28:17 PM
Everyone needs to read my responses-I texted because I knew she would never of let me say what I wanted to say, thats her style and I did ask her in the text if we could talk face-to-face and she declined. I am hoping my neighbor can help me talk to her face-to-face, I am not going to go over there to gossip. | |
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UkSue
AncestralPea
PeaNut 428,374
June 2009
Posts: 4,228
Layouts: 2
Loc: Greater London
| Posted: 2/5/2013 1:30:11 PM
I feel sorry for people like that, as I think they are operating from a place of deep insecurity . Having said that, I doubt mi could have maintained any sort of friendship with her for 15 years whilst she constantly put down everything I did/have.
I am also in the camp that thinks texting was a dandpgerous way to tackle this. Only you know whether you care enough to try to repair things. |
| Love is short, forgetting is long, and understanding longer still. | |
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nicolequinn
Sick of Snow
PeaNut 41,352
June 2002
Posts: 5,843
Layouts: 0
Loc: Alaska
| Posted: 2/5/2013 1:31:37 PM
Lotsokids:
I completely get your frustration and how she makes you feel. It isn't very nice and it doesn't feel good to be on the receiving end of the kind of verbal digs she makes.
But:
I am not going to go gossip to my friends-like I said above, I was going to go seek advice from another friend. I am not a gossiper, it is not my style-I was hoping she would be able to help me talk to her because I am confused by my neighbors actions-thus the reason for the post-was hoping other people had this kind of experience and could help.
Going to another neighbor/friend doesn't seem the best way to handle it.
Personally, I don't think you're confused on her reaction. How in the heck would someone who they have considered their friend and has been their next-door neighbor for 15 years react after receiving a TEXT message like yours? Especially after they've just hosted you in their home. Does she have ANY clue that for 15 years she has treated you in this manner... you have to take a little of that responsibility.
You have a right to be frustrated! I think your frustrations have been fueled by the "venting" or "advice" sessions that your other neighbors and friends have obviously had about her, which really is sort of gossipy... but that's fine, call it venting.
I think you feel guilty over sending your text. I think that you know your emotions got the best of you and probably if you had the choice 99 out of 100 times you wouldn't send it again. She reacted in an unpleasant way that has left you feeling worse.
I would place bets that she is feeling bad, too.
Rather than run to another neighbor, give yourself and your "friend" a little time. Re-evaluate how you feel tomorrow... or even in a few hours.
This is not about anyone else other than how she made you feel, your reaction and her response. I'd keep it that way.
I'm sure you are a really nice person and a good friend... which again, is why I think what just went down isn't sitting well with you.
P.S. Sorry... I think my first post was a little harsh. I apologize to you.
(Edited a sentence for clarity) |
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*maureen*
Bad Wolf
PeaNut 191,892
February 2005
Posts: 5,290
Layouts: 0
Loc: Wheaton
| Posted: 2/5/2013 1:33:15 PM
If you had texted me that you didn't like how I behaved I'd decline to talk to you too. You took the easy way out by texting her and now you want another person to intercede on your behalf. What you need to do is knock on your neighbors door and apologize for texting her when you should have spoken to her face to face. | |
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julieberg
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 160,179
July 2004
Posts: 6,436
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 2/5/2013 1:35:29 PM
20 years ago I had a friend who was toxic. My 5 yo dd and her dd were friends and we did a lot together. She would always cancel at the last minute, (excuses ranged from "I've decided to go have lunch with my mom & dad" or "We aren't going to the zoo today because we are going as a family this weekend".) It got old and I was tired of dd being disappointed at the cancelled plans. I finally called her out on it and her response was, "well, if you don't want to be friends". So instead of talking about it she acted like a fifth grader, which is what I told her.
That was the end of that friendship. I would see her at dance classes and around town and just say "hello". It was sad, but I was relieved to not be dealing with her crap. It's hard if she lives next door, but she can still live next door and you can be friendly, you just don't have to be friends. She sounds incredibly immature. | |
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ramblin72
PeaNut
PeaNut 85,321
May 2003
Posts: 248
Layouts: 73
| Posted: 2/5/2013 1:35:42 PM
I think everyone does understand what you're saying. you texted because you wanted to have her full attention to get your point across
these are things you need to find a way to do in person
the only thing you could have said in a text is, i need to catch up with you, whats a good time. | |
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Compwalla
Pastafarian Pea
PeaNut 11,942
March 2001
Posts: 19,828
Layouts: 39
Loc: Vacaville, CA
 | Posted: 2/5/2013 1:47:28 PM
Maybe she hasn't been able to handle you talking about your trips and possessions for fifteen years. Stand in her shoes and think hard about how you've phrased things over the years. We all know someone who can't say "my car." They have to say "my BMW." Or, "I can't find my Gucci sunglasses." Can't just say sunglasses. Are you that person? Maybe she's just as sick of you. Or maybe she's a jealous cow. In any case, there is no reason you have to hang out with her if you don't like her. |
Virginia
I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires. --Susan B. Anthony
Blog link - Dryer Lint
Aprons and More | |
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lotsokids
BucketHead
PeaNut 308,963
April 2007
Posts: 951
Layouts: 0
Loc: Lovin Life in CA
| Posted: 2/5/2013 1:57:59 PM
Compwalla-your description is sooooooo not us at all-I NEVER do that. Actually my neighbor has said how refreshing it is that our family is not like all the others. | |
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princess_and_the_pea
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 357,204
January 2008
Posts: 2,881
Layouts: 1
| Posted: 2/5/2013 1:59:58 PM
Sounds like she's jealous of you. Do yourself a favor and do as she asked. Don't call or text her again. And enjoy your trip to Hawaii! Sounds like fun!! | |
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**buglvr12**
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 220,209
August 2005
Posts: 2,289
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 2/5/2013 2:03:08 PM
Oh I can so relate to your ordeal. I lived next door to my "best friend" for 7 years. At first it was fine because we gave them furniture and let them borrow money. She always had a crisis and I was always there. Always!
She was also one of those people who always had to one up everybody. It didn't matter what we were doing....she had done it better. She liked to call herself the Matriarch. LOL! Although, she always had to be the center of attention, I accepted her for what she was. Basically she just ran over me and took advantage of me.
DH and I started some marriage counseling and as I got stronger...she didn't like that. I looked back over the years and saw just how ugly she was to me. I started distancing myself a little bit and she didn't like that at all so she just quit talking to me and unfriended me on fb.
We recently moved away from that house and even though we are living with my cousin right now....I am sooooo much happier being away from such a toxic person. I would get so down just driving up to my house because she lived right next door.
I'm sorry you are going through this because I know what it's like. I took a lot of crap from my neighbor because she was my neighbor and I didn't want to cause problems. Good luck! |
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pennyring
Thrift Ninja
PeaNut 226,011
October 2005
Posts: 22,405
Layouts: 40
Loc: Rite Aid
| Posted: 2/5/2013 2:22:51 PM
My BFF in high school was like that. She always had to put down whatever I had or whatever I did because what she had and did was SO. MUCH. COOLER. than me. (Biatch.)
Anyway, that went on throughout high school. Then she moved away and I grew a pair. LOL!
When she came back to visit, the first thing out of her mouth when I picked her up at the airport, "OMG! You still have this old beater?? I can't believe you're still driving this piece of junk!"
I cut her off and said, "Hey. This car is a classic. It's driving you around Seattle all weekend FOR FREE. Would you prefer we stop and get a rental?"
Huh, funny how that shut her up and all should could do after was brag about how well the car drove and how fun it was to be back in the car she remembered from High School.
Sometimes you just need to SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF. Don't be passive aggressive. Don't text people. Just say, "Hey. That hurts my feelings. Why would you say that?"
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Annabella
Leads a Charmed Life
PeaNut 43,843
July 2002
Posts: 42,239
Layouts: 46
Loc: East Coast
| Posted: 2/5/2013 2:26:01 PM
Everyone needs to read my responses-I texted because I knew she would never of let me say what I wanted to say,
No what I read is you don't have the courage to stand your ground in front of her. You don't know how to talk to express your point. Don't involve the neighbor, now that would be RHBH, you have advice here. |
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domoo
OMG....Did I really say that out loud?
PeaNut 262,693
May 2006
Posts: 5,761
Layouts: 7
Loc: Louisville, K
| Posted: 2/5/2013 2:29:20 PM
Just wondering, OP, if she's been doing this for over 15 years, why do you continue to mention every restaurant you eat in and every trip you're about to take? If she was truly this negative I would probably try to get along because she's my neighbor but not socialize often and definitely not discuss my every plan.
Kind of curious as to how many times you mentioned your upcoming trip to Hawaii before she had this negative reaction?
Also not sure why you waited till you left and then started a text fight. And absolutely no way should you be "discussing" this with mutual friends. Certainly sounds like gossip. |
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MerryMom937
PeaFixture
PeaNut 472,567
June 2010
Posts: 3,076
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 2/5/2013 2:29:23 PM
Is she really a "friend" or more of a neighbor that you are friendly with?
I guess I can't envision being a friend to someone who puts everyone and everything down.
But asked how I would respond to negative comments that "Debby Downer" makes like that...
After a (ppaaauuusseee) of several seconds, I would say with a quizzical look on my face, "I wonder if you realize how it feels to hear you put down "x" or talk about "y" like that. It makes me not want to share things with you."
As far as her not asking how your trip went, I don't view that as being rude to not ask. It's nice when someone asks, but I don't think it is required as a social nicety. I mean, I get why your trip is a big deal for you, but that doesn't mean that it is on others radar.
Perhaps what you need is for her to be the type of neighbor that you are civil with, you know, when you are out getting your mail, if she is outside, you give a wave. Or when at a neighborhood event, you make generic chit chat with her--"That Bob can really grill a mean hamburger."
ETA: I don't use "texting" or emails or social media for conversations that are best done face to face or at least on the phone if the person isn't nearby.
And no, I would not talk or vent to other neighbors about the situation. You're a big girl, put those adult panties on, and add distance to this. | |
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