Contacting Another Mother ... Okay or Creepy?

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Posted 2/11/2013 by Kelli/Mom in NSBR Board
 

Kelli/Mom
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 2/11/2013 11:31:55 AM
When I read the National Signing Day press (for high-school athletes signing to do college sports), I saw the name of a kid from my son's high school who will be going to the same college about 7 hours away. My son knows who the other kid is, but he doesn't know him. It is a really small school, so it isn't like there will be too many other kids from our general area.

I would like to introduce myself to the other boy's mom via telephone or Facebook. I thought it would possibly be a nice contact for ride shares or something of the sort.

My husband thinks it is creepy and my son doesn't care one way or the other. What do you think? Within the realm of acceptable, or is it creepy?

perumbula
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Posted: 2/11/2013 11:35:20 AM
I think it's a good idea actually, especially if you keep it low key and are up front about hoping to coordinate rides with her for your sons. A nice Facebook message would probably be a good step.

If you were to call her super excited and act like you guys are brand new best friends because your kids are going to the same college. . . well, that would be creepy.


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Posted: 2/11/2013 11:38:03 AM
I think doing it electronically (Facebook, most likely) would be OK. I think a phone call might border on creepy - or at least some people are more likely to perceive it that way. With e-communication, if she's not interested in making a connection, she doesn't have to respond, whereas a phone call really puts someone on the spot.


lucyg819
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Posted: 2/11/2013 11:40:30 AM
I think it makes 100% sense. And I imagine she'll be happy to hear from you, unless SHE's a weirdo.


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tidegirl
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Posted: 2/11/2013 11:41:38 AM
I wouldn't be creeped out by another parent contacting me in that situation.

I agree it could be nice to have someone to ride share home and back to school if needed. Getting to know one another prior to students heading off to college could be good. I also agree a brief introductory face book message or by a mutual friend would be the way to go.

Peabay
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Posted: 2/11/2013 11:46:53 AM
It wouldn't bother me, but my kids would be squicked out by me doing something like that. If your son doesn't care? Go for it.



Monklady123
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Posted: 2/11/2013 11:47:47 AM
My dd's high school publishes a directory with everyone's name, address, and phone number. So if I were in your shoes and this other mom's phone number was in the directory I wouldn't hesitate to give her a call. Why not? It could work out for both of you (ride-sharing, info about the college, whatever). You might even make a new friend.



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Posted: 2/11/2013 12:00:54 PM
I would just relax about it, and let the kids work it out. They wont' be together in school til at least next Aug. If it's a small school, and playing the same sport, they'll meet up. This is the time to let those reins go.






auntkelly
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Posted: 2/11/2013 12:03:03 PM
I don't think it's creepy. My son goes to school in Indiana and we live in Texas. I have lunch about once a month with a mom whose son goes to the same school my son attends. Her son is a year behind my son. A mutual friend gave her my name and number after her son was accepted at the university my son attends.

It's been really nice having a friend whose son is going through the same experiences my son is having. We talk about things that none of my other friends would be interested in discussing.



Ginny

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Posted: 2/11/2013 12:15:24 PM

I'd actually have your son introduce himself to the kid first.


This. It's easy enough for your DS to ask to bum a ride home.



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eebud
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Posted: 2/11/2013 12:16:32 PM
I would also let the boys make contact first.

By the way, contacting via FB is not as easy as it once was. Many times, I have sent a message to someone that I knew to get back in touch. I tried to do this a couple of days ago and now, if you want your message to go to someone's inbox, you have to pay $1. This is only if you are not FB friends with the person. Now, it will go into the "Other" box. I don't think many people check their "Other" box very often, if ever.





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Maryland
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Posted: 2/11/2013 1:28:44 PM
It's a great idea. A good way to have another contact person. Also it is good that they could carpool to school or back for breaks. It would be safer for your son to be with another person while traveling.


*Paget*
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Posted: 2/11/2013 2:05:19 PM
I vote creepy. Or not exactly creepy, but a little weird. If I had someone approach me just because our kids were going to the same college I'd rather it be electronically so I wasn't put on the spot with a phone call. I'd let your son handle it and step out of the equation myself.

Miss Lerins Momma
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Posted: 2/11/2013 2:54:59 PM
I think it would be fine to contact her. Your kids are going to be 7 hours away, having someone to talk too would probably help.








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SuPeaNatural
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Posted: 2/11/2013 3:02:30 PM
Not creepy to me at all. I'd be pleased to hear from another mother so we could arrange rides, it would help both of you. I'd lrather to get a phonhe call so we can talk IRL, rather than a text or FB.



Really Red
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Posted: 2/11/2013 3:20:52 PM
Would be happy to hear from you. Think of ride sharing and that stuff. Plus, worst case, she ignores you, right? You are no worse off. This has nothing to do with your son (or very little)


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Posted: 2/11/2013 3:32:26 PM
I don't see anything wrong with it. Dd goes to a really small school and there is only one other kid from her hs there. I've met his mom, and it makes me feel better to know that if dd needs help, she can call on this boy. She's never had to do it, but just in case.


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Posted: 2/11/2013 3:51:24 PM
I think its a great idea but as more of a "sharing tips" than just "hey I need a ride."





redboots
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Posted: 2/11/2013 3:55:43 PM
Not creepy at all under the circumstances you've described. A Facebook message would probably be the easiest route in this case.

peanuttle
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Posted: 2/11/2013 4:02:53 PM
I don't think it's creepy at all. I think the other mother would be glad to meet you all. My DD went to college 8 hours away and we found out a friend of a friends sister from our town went to the same school. They were able to travel to and from school together for holidays and it made us all feel better to knowing they were not traveling alone.

look4angel
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 2/11/2013 4:17:48 PM

I wouldn't contact for ride shares unless you know the boys are going to get along. Seven hours is a long time when if you don't get along or are uncomfortable with the other person.


Personally I'd like to know how responsible of a driver the other kid was before arranging a shared rides, so I would probably find out more about her kid from the local teacher or your son, then FB the mom if I got good reports back.


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CountryHam
PeaFixture

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Posted: 2/11/2013 4:22:34 PM

I tried to do this a couple of days ago and now, if you want your message to go to someone's inbox, you have to pay $1. This is only if you are not FB friends with the person. Now, it will go into the "Other" box.


I sent and received no less then 3 private messages
from nonfriends today alone. Never cost me a red cent
to send them.

_Betsy_
AncestralPea

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Posted: 2/11/2013 4:27:57 PM
You're managing your high school senior's social life? -- That's what I'd think if I were the other mom.

Tell your son to go talk to the kid at school - Dude, I saw you signed with XYZ -- I'm headed there too. It's far away, huh? It'll be nice to know someone before we get there.

Then, like a week later, you can FB the mom.

doesitmatter?
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Posted: 2/12/2013 12:15:57 AM
I wouldn't do it.


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revirdsuba
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Posted: 2/12/2013 12:37:15 AM
If it were me, I would have your DS check out the other boy. See if they have mutual friends so they could meet before I would do anything. You have time on your side.

mdoc
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Posted: 2/12/2013 6:48:57 AM
I think it's OK; it could come in very handy for the two of you to know each other. I did the same with a woman here (I knew her but hadn't had contact with her for years). She appreciated the call. If your son doesn't mind, then go for it.

mebarnet
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Posted: 2/12/2013 7:02:08 AM
I agree that the kids should talk first and if that goes okay, initiate the message.

Not everyone is okay with this. I personally would not find it creepy at all but it is more helpful if the boys knew each other.


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Posted: 2/12/2013 7:12:07 AM
Not creepy at all!



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GrinningCat
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Posted: 2/12/2013 7:14:50 AM
Big time creepy that you're trying to engineer your high school child's social life at college. Butt out, let them handle it and if you (the mothers) happen to meet up at a school event or something like that, then introduce yourself. Until then, butt out. Let your son handle this stuff. Not you.

*Angela
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Posted: 2/12/2013 7:32:15 AM
Personally, I would not. The athlete's mom is likely receiving much correspondence from friends, long-lost relatives, & strangers, given her son has now publicly committed to a college. Since he has athletic department resources, school information, & a practice/game schedule, the ride share probably wouldn't work out.

My suggestion is for your son to approach the boy & indicate they will attend the same school. If they become acquaintances or friends, then you can meet the mom at an upcoming senior event.

Ginger_64
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Posted: 2/12/2013 7:40:00 AM
Not creepy at all; I think it's a great idea! I really don't see this as "engineering" your son's social life. Whether the boys will hang out together or not, whether they'll be friends will be up to them. For me, as a mom, I think it would be nice to touch base with the mom. Maybe the two of you could bond. It would be great to have someone else with a kid there that you know just in case. I don't know, I don't see why that's creepy.

GrinningCat
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Posted: 2/12/2013 7:49:58 AM

Not creepy at all; I think it's a great idea! I really don't see this as "engineering" your son's social life. Whether the boys will hang out together or not, whether they'll be friends will be up to them. For me, as a mom, I think it would be nice to touch base with the mom. Maybe the two of you could bond. It would be great to have someone else with a kid there that you know just in case. I don't know, I don't see why that's creepy.
Because it's not the moms going to the same college, it's the kids?

IleneTell
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 2/12/2013 7:53:49 AM
FB message - totally ok.

Phone call - a little weird.



Kelli/Mom
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 2/12/2013 12:09:40 PM
It's running two thirds for contacting and a third against, but some of those thirds are pretty strong. I'll let my son introduce himself and let my end drop. It is unlikely that I will meet the parents at any events at the high school; the senior class has about 700 kids in it. This would have been a lot easier if my son had gone to the signing ceremony, but he had a test that day and didn't want to ask his teacher for a make-up time!

The boys play different sports or they would already know each other. I don't imagine the family is being deluged with contacts from long-lost friends and/or relatives just because their son's name was in the Signing Day press. Our son's name was in the Signing Day articles, too, and we haven't had a single contact. I wouldn't be trying to "engineer" a social life for my son; that never even crossed my mind.

Here's a parody message I wrote:

HI! My name is Kelli, and I am sure we are going to be BFFs! I saw that our sons have signed with the same college. Ordinarily, I wouldn't allow my son to make friends with a stranger, but after conducting extensive background checks (including credit reports, criminal history, and interviews with the neighbors), I feel we can take the next step. I have made reservations at the Olive Garden this Sunday so we can talk further. I hope six o'clock is okay.

I have seen your son's academic history. Don't you just love it when you volunteer at the high school and the teacher leaves the room but doesn't log off her computer? Our sons are in different levels for math. Your boy will need to take a class at the community college this summer to have all the same classes as my son in the fall. I haven't been able to reserve study rooms yet for the boys; sign ups won't open until the fall.

I have already bought a small fridge. Does your family have a microwave for the boys' room?

I have also attached visitation and care package schedules. I figure that the work will be much easier if the families split it! Even though the third week in April is your week, I'll cover it because it's your anniversary. Several weeks overlap, so we can drive out together! We'll take your car because it is roomier.

I might not be able to send you an email tomorrow, but I should be able to every day after that. Don't worry, when I can't email, I will call.

AnonPeaName
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Posted: 2/12/2013 1:02:54 PM
KelliMom

dotingmom
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Posted: 2/12/2013 2:06:02 PM
Your son is already at college and doesn't know this kid from HS? I would suggest the concept to my son and put it in his court to contact the kid or not. I would not step in. He is on his way to adulthood so he should be taking care of stuff like this with you support but not you initiating. Just my opinion, and yes I have a college kid.

_Laurie_
PeaNut

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Posted: 2/12/2013 4:34:17 PM
I don't see it as "engineering" as much as saying, "Hey, we have this thing in common, and we might be able to help each other out some where down the line."

I love your parody reply Kelli/Mom. It had me laughing out loud. It would be even funnier if it weren't so true of some parents.

Ginger_64
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Posted: 2/12/2013 5:25:12 PM

Not creepy at all; I think it's a great idea! I really don't see this as "engineering" your son's social life. Whether the boys will hang out together or not, whether they'll be friends will be up to them. For me, as a mom, I think it would be nice to touch base with the mom. Maybe the two of you could bond. It would be great to have someone else with a kid there that you know just in case. I don't know, I don't see why that's creepy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Because it's not the moms going to the same college, it's the kids?


Yeah, so? My kids are in classes, on teams, involved in activities, etc. with other kids and it's always kind of nice to get to know some of the parents. And that is at all ages (my two youngest are 13 and 16 right now). I realize when we're talking about 18 year olds, but still, I think it could be nice to have another mom who I could touch base with if our kids were going off to the same college. It's not as if it's like "Boom, they're 18, I'm no longer interested in their lives or having support networks with other parents." I'm probably about as far from being a helicopter mom as you can get. I just think it could be nice. No big deal though. I just don't think there is any harm in sending an e-mail to this other parent. I'm not even positive I would do it myself, but I still think the idea is a nice one.

IleneTell
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 2/12/2013 5:55:42 PM

Here's a parody message I wrote:

HI! My name is Kelli, and I am sure we are going to be BFFs! I saw that our sons have signed with the same college. Ordinarily, I wouldn't allow my son to make friends with a stranger, but after conducting extensive background checks (including credit reports, criminal history, and interviews with the neighbors), I feel we can take the next step. I have made reservations at the Olive Garden this Sunday so we can talk further. I hope six o'clock is okay.

I have seen your son's academic history. Don't you just love it when you volunteer at the high school and the teacher leaves the room but doesn't log off her computer? Our sons are in different levels for math. Your boy will need to take a class at the community college this summer to have all the same classes as my son in the fall. I haven't been able to reserve study rooms yet for the boys; sign ups won't open until the fall.

I have already bought a small fridge. Does your family have a microwave for the boys' room?

I have also attached visitation and care package schedules. I figure that the work will be much easier if the families split it! Even though the third week in April is your week, I'll cover it because it's your anniversary. Several weeks overlap, so we can drive out together! We'll take your car because it is roomier.

I might not be able to send you an email tomorrow, but I should be able to every day after that. Don't worry, when I can't email, I will call.




I think as long as you send this as a FB message, rather than calling her about it, it should be good!



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Posted: 2/12/2013 6:10:21 PM
----------------------------------------
I don't think it is creepy at all.

The way I would make contact would be a very short note via snail mail and say something like this:

Just a note to say I saw in "XYZ communication" that our boys will be attending "XYZ". It always good to have another parent to contact if there is an emergency or rides home. Here's my information: email & phone

Perhaps we will touch base at Freshman Orientation.
--------------------------------

Think in terms of a family emergency and they cannot get in touch with their child...or they need a ride home for him. It doesn't mean the boys have to become fast friends or best buds or room together or have the same interests. It's just nice to know there is someone we can touch base with if needed.


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StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 2/12/2013 6:39:21 PM
Kelli/Mom- Love that letter!!!

I see nothing wrong with sending her a Facebook message or giving her a call. You aren't trying to make her son BFFs with yours. If it saves either of you a trip taking your kids to or from school for breaks its totally worth it.


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Ginger_64
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Posted: 2/12/2013 7:11:01 PM


Think in terms of a family emergency and they cannot get in touch with their child...or they need a ride home for him. It doesn't mean the boys have to become fast friends or best buds or room together or have the same interests. It's just nice to know there is someone we can touch base with if needed.



This is my line of thinking. I can't wrap my head around why this would be creepy. I would make it very casual and if she wanted to respond, great. If she didn't, that's fine too.
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