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raysgal
PeaNut
PeaNut 446,553
November 2009
Posts: 346
Layouts: 0
Loc: Beautiful State of Washington!
 |  Posted: 3/1/2013 2:01:20 PM
My 14 yr old Ds has a friend, I'll call him Jim.
Jim is a great kid! Respectful, kind.. Etc.. I absolutely love when he comes to our house.
2 weeks ago he stayed the night at our house, the boys slept upstairs in the family room. The next morning I noticed a huge wet spot on the couch.. Jim had an accident. I didn't say much to the boys.. I didn't want to embarrass him. I cleaned it up, washed the couch cushion etc. I figured they had way to much pop, and he was over tired. Fast forward to last night... I was creeping and looking at my sons friends pages on Facebook. I came across jims page and noticed a LOT of comments on his page kids asking him if everything is ok, him asking to stay at other people's houses, lots of sad faces.. Basically he seems like a very sad boy.. Then I started thinking about the accident on my couch and started worrying... I talked to DH and both of us aren't quite sure what to do.. Should I ask my Ds about Jim and his family life. (I should mention I've met his mom, talked to her several times.. She seems like a nice person and a good mom) I'm not sure how to proceed, call the school? Talk to Ds? I would hate to cause problems.. But something doesn't feel right after seeing his Facebook page. I also don't want him to not feel comfortable coming here.
I feel like the only time I post anything on here it is for advise, my apologies for that! I'm just really at a loss for the next step to take right now..
Any and all advise appreciated!
Thanks!! | |
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wezee812
I Remember You!
PeaNut 34,854
April 2002
Posts: 6,513
Layouts: 6
Loc: In the arms of my grandkids
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nathansmommy
AncestralPea
PeaNut 58,582
December 2002
Posts: 4,229
Layouts: 193
Loc: Far from Home in McKinney TX
 | Posted: 3/1/2013 2:08:38 PM
Could you pass on your concerns to his school counselor?
Maybe they are aware of problems and concerns from you may get them to talk to him?
That way someone is made aware but it won't fall back on any one directly.
It does sound like he is struggling and in this case maybe the parents are not the first point of call.
Katie
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KittenOnTheKeys
PeaFixture
PeaNut 498,237
February 2011
Posts: 3,051
Layouts: 0
Loc: SW
 | Posted: 3/1/2013 2:08:56 PM
You can gently ask your child what is going on. Be honest with what you saw on the page. Let him know you want to help. |
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tibelttil
PeaNut
PeaNut 406,854
January 2009
Posts: 169
Layouts: 0
Loc: Ireland
 | Posted: 3/1/2013 2:09:54 PM
I would talk to your son. Say maybe along the lines of 'jim' didn't seem his usual self - how is he. sort of thing. | |
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Peabay
Happy now?
PeaNut 156,993
July 2004
Posts: 44,637
Layouts: 13
Loc: Connecticut
 | Posted: 3/1/2013 2:10:08 PM
I'd tell my child to let him know if he needs a place to stay, he's welcome at our home. I'd also ask my child if he knows what's going on what the problems are and if the school is aware. If they are significant enough to be of concern, I'd contact a school counselor. |
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raysgal
PeaNut
PeaNut 446,553
November 2009
Posts: 346
Layouts: 0
Loc: Beautiful State of Washington!
| Posted: 3/1/2013 2:11:00 PM
No, I've not seen anything on his page that would indicate feelings like that.. I should clarify, sorry..
I'm not even sure what doesn't feel right, just a gut feeling that something is "wrong" |
Theresa
What I'm shooting with (or rather, What I'm trying to shoot with.......)
Sony A350
18-70mm lens (kit)
Sigma 28-135 F3.8-5.6 Aspherical IF Macro lens
50mm 1.7 lens
And some other stuff that I have no idea what it does.....
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cmpeter
PEAceful Pea
PeaNut 14,521
April 2001
Posts: 34,354
Layouts: 31
Loc: Washington State
 | Posted: 3/1/2013 2:14:42 PM
I wouldn't hesitate at all in talking to my son and asking him how his friend was doing. Both my kids have a friend or two who's home life is a bit unstable. We frequently inquire as to how the friends are doing and remind our kids that the friends are free to come here whenever they need too. One of ds's friends has a standing invitation...come any time, no questions asked (mom is an alcoholic/drug user.) After that conversation, then I would consider talking to the mom. |
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*~*amanda*~*
...
PeaNut 393,905
October 2008
Posts: 6,604
Layouts: 0
Loc: Illinois
| Posted: 3/1/2013 2:19:20 PM
I'd start by asking your ds if there is something going on that could be concerning to Jim and go from there.
I don't think that wetting the 'bed' and some sad faces on facebook necessarily mean that something is wrong in Jim's life or he is suicidal. |
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momocarly
PeaAddict
PeaNut 169,727
September 2004
Posts: 1,872
Layouts: 57
Loc: Houston, TX
| Posted: 3/1/2013 2:30:15 PM
Jim could be suffering from depression. My dd is all doom and gloom on Facebook and lots of sad faces. Her therapist and psychologist say it is a way these gets let out there feelings so it doesn't get too bottled up inside. She is on meds and is doing ok but you really couldn't tell it from her FB on some days.
Other scenario, maybe someone in the home is. My dd gets angry easily and my ds loves to escape it all and go to other kids houses. I'm open with his friend's parents and let them know what is going on so they don't wonder. He doesn't like having friends over here because he never knows how his sister is going to be that day. I was really happy when he invited a friend over the other night. Dd is on new meds that seem to be helping and I think he was seeing this a little.
Talk to you ds and see what he says. One of dd's friends went to the councelor at school about her posts on FB and it turned into a big mess that really embarassed my dd. I wish they had talked to me first. (And yes the councelor did already know of the issue - from me and I had already given her permission to talk to dd's doctors) |
Debbie
Mom of Carly (16) and Nathan (14)
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raysgal
PeaNut
PeaNut 446,553
November 2009
Posts: 346
Layouts: 0
Loc: Beautiful State of Washington!
| Posted: 3/1/2013 2:41:43 PM
Talk to you ds and see what he says. One of dd's friends went to the councelor at school about her posts on FB and it turned into a big mess that really embarassed my dd. I wish they had talked to me first. (And yes the councelor did already know of the issue - from me and I had already given her permission to talk to dd's doctors)
This is why I was asking how to proceed  I would hate to make the situation worse! And embarrass him, or his family.
I will talk to Ds when he gets home from school.
I care very much for this young man and his family! They seem like very nice people.. I'm just a worry wart lately...
Thanks for the advise everyone! |
Theresa
What I'm shooting with (or rather, What I'm trying to shoot with.......)
Sony A350
18-70mm lens (kit)
Sigma 28-135 F3.8-5.6 Aspherical IF Macro lens
50mm 1.7 lens
And some other stuff that I have no idea what it does.....
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BergdorfBlonde
Getting blonder every day
PeaNut 162,956
August 2004
Posts: 10,053
Layouts: 0
Loc: LI girl, livin' in the gulf
| Posted: 3/1/2013 2:45:59 PM
I hope he gets help, either from you or your DS or anyone you direct him to.
As a sidenote: How are you doing? Email me when/if you wanted to. I meant to check back and see how you were.... |
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raysgal
PeaNut
PeaNut 446,553
November 2009
Posts: 346
Layouts: 0
Loc: Beautiful State of Washington!
| Posted: 3/1/2013 2:57:45 PM
As a sidenote: How are you doing? Email me when/if you wanted to. I meant to check back and see how you were
Awe thank you! I'm doing ok... Still dealing with a little anger, but it is getting better. I think that the anger is just a part of the process of grieving.. On a crappy note though.. Our family found out that the boy who killed my cousin is most likely going to plea and only get 5-6 years
 I'll never understand why he isn't being charged with some things that seem like no brainer charges... But it is not for me to decide .. |
Theresa
What I'm shooting with (or rather, What I'm trying to shoot with.......)
Sony A350
18-70mm lens (kit)
Sigma 28-135 F3.8-5.6 Aspherical IF Macro lens
50mm 1.7 lens
And some other stuff that I have no idea what it does.....
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bizzymumma
I sense impending mayhem.
PeaNut 51,520
October 2002
Posts: 19,280
Layouts: 47
Loc: Beautiful BC
| Posted: 3/1/2013 2:57:54 PM
I wouldn't hesitate at all in talking to my son and asking him how his friend was doing. Both my kids have a friend or two who's home life is a bit unstable. We frequently inquire as to how the friends are doing and remind our kids that the friends are free to come here whenever they need too. One of ds's friends has a standing invitation...come any time, no questions asked (mom is an alcoholic/drug user.) After that conversation, then I would consider talking to the mom
This is us exactly as well, with DS13.
We have talked with our kids about what help is available confidentially if they don't feel like talking to us for some reason, and I've told them to tell their friends as well. There is always another parent, hotlines, free counsellors, etc. they can go to for any issue whatsoever - just talk to SOMEone.
I agree with asking your DS about it first, maybe have the kid over again and tell him directly your door is always open, or that you heard the counsellor at school is a really nice person, etc... |
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Laurie
"Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow."
Doug Firebaugh
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Kate-pea
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 146,398
May 2004
Posts: 2,937
Layouts: 1
 | Posted: 3/1/2013 4:12:23 PM
Going to the school might not be a bad idea, depending on how the personnel is at your school.
At our school, we definitely give kids a little more support if we know there is a "situation" at home. It also would be useful for the teachers to know if a supposedly private "situation" was in fact an open secret among the kids. |
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Susie_Homemaker
AncestralPea
PeaNut 337,804
September 2007
Posts: 4,012
Layouts: 1
Loc: In the Know
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LeaP
BucketHead
PeaNut 27,075
January 2002
Posts: 883
Layouts: 0
Loc: SoCal
| Posted: 3/1/2013 7:50:10 PM
I would talk the counselor at school and show him/her the Facebook pages. My daughter's school has a counselor per grade and they are very nice and knowledgeable. We just started middle school and I often have trouble distinguishing between everyday drama and true issues and my daughter doesn't even have a Facebook account. | |
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alittleintrepid
PeaAddict
PeaNut 345,847
November 2007
Posts: 1,765
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 3/1/2013 10:12:05 PM
Are you sure he peed ? Not a wet dream? (Please don't answer this!)
It can be genetic to wet the bed until a later age but can also be the result of too much cortisol (ie. stress). You'll never know but he could be assessed by a doctor.
I'd talk to your own DS about the mood stuff or posts and see what he confides. | |
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lesserknownpea
PeaNut
PeaNut 451,429
January 2010
Posts: 244
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 3/2/2013 12:37:54 AM
oldest DS wet occasionally into his teens. So did an uncle. This can be a source of enormous self loathing, depending on how it is handled. I could be a source or aggravant of depression.
Your talk with your DS, and possibly with the boy himself, needs to be a simple assurance that you and your family are there for him, whether it is a place to stay the night, a meal, a load of clothes washed(I myself was a bed wetter and clean non urine smelling clothes are a blessing). Keep any talk light and kind.
My own home has fallen apart to smithereens, but in the last 20 years it was THE place for people to come stay, to build a new life , whether with an infant after leaving a meth addicted husband, to live while a home that had been burned down was rebuilt, while a high school dropout attended Beauty school, and while a young girl addicted to meth got clean and worked full time to pay off her meth dealer. And that's just a sample.
Dont meddle, Just let them know you are there for them, no questions asked. | |
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