Would you allow this?

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Posted 4/5/2013 by Jeip in NSBR Board
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Jeip
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Posted: 4/5/2013 10:53:17 PM
Would you let your 13 year old daughter stay the night at a friend's house if the friend's male cousins (14 and 16) from out of town were also staying over?




biochemipea
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Posted: 4/5/2013 10:54:15 PM
Nope.






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styxgirl
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Posted: 4/5/2013 10:55:12 PM
No way.


Nicole

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Posted: 4/5/2013 11:00:00 PM
It would depend on a lot of factors such as what supervision was going on, where they were all sleeping, how well I knew the parents etc.

In principle I don't have a problem with it though.

But if it doesn't feel right to you - then say no.


Sally

IleneScraps
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Posted: 4/5/2013 11:00:05 PM
Definitely not.



PEArfect
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Posted: 4/5/2013 11:01:48 PM
No I wouldn't, and I'm positive that my 13yo dd wouldn't feel comfortable being around boys she didn't know.


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sandy1958
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Posted: 4/5/2013 11:06:34 PM
No, No I wouldn't!



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CarolT
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Posted: 4/5/2013 11:07:16 PM
What if the friend had teen brothers? I let my dd spend the night with friends who had teenaged brothers when she was a teen.


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AussieMeg
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Posted: 4/5/2013 11:08:35 PM
It would depend on how well I knew and trusted the parents. DD is good friends with a girl and I am good friends with the mum. My friend often has her sister and 2 nephews (who live 4 hours away) stay at her house, and I would have no problem letting my DD stay there as well. The age difference between DD and the nephews is similar to your scenario.

wezee812
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Posted: 4/5/2013 11:09:58 PM
No how no way


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tracylynn
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Posted: 4/5/2013 11:13:16 PM
Wow.

I agree, what about if the friend had two brothers that age? If I trust the family enough to let my daughter stay the night, the nephews make no difference.

Reading at 2 peas often makes me wonder how I survived my childhood.



lucyg819
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Posted: 4/5/2013 11:18:11 PM
It would never have occurred to me to worry about such a thing when my daughter was a teen.


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Posted: 4/5/2013 11:21:19 PM
Probably not, but a lot would depend on the family she was staying with and how much supervision would be given.

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Posted: 4/5/2013 11:24:54 PM
Probably. It does depend on a lot of things. Do I know the parents, first of all. If I trust them, then absolutely.


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Posted: 4/5/2013 11:39:04 PM
nuh uh!



Darkangel090260
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Posted: 4/5/2013 11:41:01 PM
If I would let her stay with out cousin in town. Then I see no problem with her staying with said cousin in town. It's not like it some strange guys from off the street it the girls cousin.

Heck if parent did this i would never have been allowed to have friends over. i have 7 older brother and a tone of male cousin that where always around our house.


I have quite a few learing disabilitys that effect my spelling a grammer. I do know my grammer and spelling suck. I have been working on this problem all my adult life.

nanluza
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Posted: 4/5/2013 11:41:56 PM
Hell damn no

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Posted: 4/5/2013 11:46:10 PM
Nope.


Mary

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Posted: 4/5/2013 11:55:24 PM
I have a both a teenage son and a teenage daughter. I have plenty of girls sleep over with my daughter and my son is here in the house, sometimes with his friends as well. I'm home. I supervise. I have never had another parent show any concern.

Edited: this post of mine makes no sense. My daughter will have sleepovers and my son will have his friends here as well.


eebud
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Posted: 4/5/2013 11:59:27 PM
ITA with tracylynn. I don't have a daughter but I am a daughter it was never an issue when I was a teen and I don't believe I would have an issue today.





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Posted: 4/6/2013 12:05:45 AM
I don't see the problem.
Are you assuming they'll all be in the same room or same bed?


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Posted: 4/6/2013 12:07:13 AM

Wow.

I agree, what about if the friend had two brothers that age? If I trust the family enough to let my daughter stay the night, the nephews make no difference.

Reading at 2 peas often makes me wonder how I survived my childhood.


Same here. My bff when I was that age had a brother and it would have been sad if I couldn't spend the night because of that


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TracieClaiborne
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Posted: 4/6/2013 12:28:22 AM
It's not brother, it's cousins. So no way - not in one million years.

tracylynn
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Posted: 4/6/2013 12:54:08 AM

It's not brother, it's cousins. So no way - not in one million years.


In many families cousins are like siblings. I really just can't imagine the outrage here.



gar
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Posted: 4/6/2013 1:52:24 AM
Are most of you assuming they're just all going to jump into bed together or is it that all boys are potential rapists?

If I knew the parents then yes, I don't think it would have occurred to me to worry about that set up.













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Posted: 4/6/2013 1:57:14 AM
If I knew the parents well, I would have no problems with it.

matleavepea
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Posted: 4/6/2013 5:55:57 AM
for me it would depend also on how well i knew the family. DD was in grade 7 and was invited to a bday party sleepover for a boy from school, 3 girls and 2 other boys.

turns out she couldn't go but i wasn't gung ho on the idea.... i don't know the kids or the parents....

little mama
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Posted: 4/6/2013 6:28:09 AM
NOT. A. CHANCE.

And as the mother of a 15 year old boy, I would be furious if a non-related teen female friend was allowed to stay over while my son was spending the night at a cousin's house. Way too many false accusations these days


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Posted: 4/6/2013 6:51:32 AM

Are most of you assuming they're just all going to jump into bed together or is it that all boys are potential rapists?


And further to that, that a brother would never do it but a cousin would?!?!

GrinningCat
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Posted: 4/6/2013 6:58:42 AM

Are most of you assuming they're just all going to jump into bed together or is it that all boys are potential rapists?


And further to that, that a brother would never do it but a cousin would?!?!
Apparently so. From what I've read on this thread, boys horrible rapists looking for every opportunity. There's no way boys can be good. They are just too tempted. No wonder we have a rape culture. Sheesh.

andtyler
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Posted: 4/6/2013 7:12:12 AM
No



Dalai Mama
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Posted: 4/6/2013 7:31:21 AM

It's not brother, it's cousins. So no way - not in one million years.
You'll have to map out your logic for me on that one. Cousins rape, but brothers don't? Brothers are 'safe' but only if they aren't someone else's cousin? What about fathers?

People are individuals and their relationship to the person your daughter would be staying with is completely meaningless in terms of her actual (rather than perceived) safety.


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Posted: 4/6/2013 7:32:28 AM
Ds has close cousins, 2 girls, and a boy. His friends love to visit when the cousins are around. I supervise and the kids would tattle.

That said, if I didn't know the parents, I wouldn't be as comfortable with it.

A former friend of mine let her dd have a sleepover the same as her ds. There was hanky panky going on, the mom later admitted with her ds being under the covers with the dd's friend. That mom was a drinker.

Cathy

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Posted: 4/6/2013 7:39:51 AM
N.F.W.

dottyscrapper
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Posted: 4/6/2013 7:41:37 AM

Are most of you assuming they're just all going to jump into bed together or is it that all boys are potential rapists?


And further to that, that a brother would never do it but a cousin would?!?!
Apparently so. From what I've read on this thread, boys horrible rapists looking for every opportunity. There's no way boys can be good. They are just too tempted. No wonder we have a rape culture. Sheesh.


Ditto !


I'm actually amazed that some of the posters on here don't fit a chastity belt on all their teen daughters as soon as they're out of their own beds each morning!!









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Posted: 4/6/2013 7:48:26 AM
I presume the parents are going to be home? I presume you trust them?

If you answer yes to both those questions, then what's the problem?

If you answered no to either of them, why are you even asking for opinions?

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Posted: 4/6/2013 8:22:06 AM

It's not brother, it's cousins. So no way - not in one million years.



It's logic like that that makes me worry about the peas. Quite frankly, I could have banged my friends brother just as easily as I could have banged my friends cousin. (For you spread sheet peas, I did neither this is simply to illustrate a point. )

OP, either you trust your daughter and the family with whom you are entrusting her care or you don't. If you don't, then say no, if you do then say yes. Cousins should not have any impact on the situation.

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Posted: 4/6/2013 8:34:27 AM

It's logic like that that makes me worry about the peas. Quite frankly, I could have banged my friends brother just as easily as I could have banged my friends cousin. (For you spread sheet peas, I did neither this is simply to illustrate a point. )
No, you wouldn't have. you're a girl . And girls are pink, princesses, trustworthy, and precious. What you meant to say was "I could have been raped or molested by my friend's brother just as easily as I could have been raped or molested by his cousin.


Are most of you assuming they're just all going to jump into bed together or is it that all boys are potential rapists?


And further to that, that a brother would never do it but a cousin would?!?!

Apparently so. From what I've read on this thread, boys horrible rapists looking for every opportunity. There's no way boys can be good. They are just too tempted. No wonder we have a rape culture. Sheesh.
Been here long enough to know that! These threads, no matter how benign, always go the same way, don't they?


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scrappower
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Posted: 4/6/2013 8:34:55 AM

Are most of you assuming they're just all going to jump into bed together or is it that all boys are potential rapists?


And further to that, that a brother would never do it but a cousin would?!?!
Apparently so. From what I've read on this thread, boys horrible rapists looking for every opportunity. There's no way boys can be good. They are just too tempted. No wonder we have a rape culture. Sheesh.



Exactly. People are just flat out crazy when it comes to males. It makes no sense. Just lock your daughters up in the closet why don't you.



Janice_in_TX
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Posted: 4/6/2013 8:37:01 AM
If I knew the family and there was going to be adult supervision, yes.

But then again, my 16 yo ds's best friend is a girl, and she is coming to our house today to stay with us for a week while her mom is out of town.



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Posted: 4/6/2013 8:38:26 AM
I let my daughters stay the night at homes where girls have brothers, nephews, fathers and step fathers living with them so I don't see the big deal with male cousins. My way of thinking is if I trust the family enough for my daughter to be there it shouldn't matter.

Then again I don't have the mind set that every male over the age of 12 is dead set on having sex with my daughter and or that she is dying to let them.

mdoc
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Posted: 4/6/2013 8:42:38 AM
If I knew and was comfortable with the friend's family (which would be my standard for any sleepover) and the parents were home, sure.

Gsquaredmom

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Posted: 4/6/2013 8:57:00 AM
I would want to know more. Depending on the info, sure.



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Posted: 4/6/2013 9:27:32 AM
I guess I'm a shitty mom - if I knew and trusted the parents, I wouldn't think twice.



AKathy
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Posted: 4/6/2013 9:35:39 AM


I agree, what about if the friend had two brothers that age? If I trust the family enough to let my daughter stay the night, the nephews make no difference.

Agreed as long as the parents were going to be home, I see no problem with it.


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Posted: 4/6/2013 9:44:09 AM
Yes, if I knew the parents and the kids were being supervised.



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Georgiapea
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Posted: 4/6/2013 10:11:58 AM
Nope. The girls can have a sleep over at another time.

scrappower
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Posted: 4/6/2013 10:15:50 AM
Can some of you please explain why you wouldn't allow it and if you would if the girl had brothers? It seems really strange to me to not allow your child over at a house just because there are males living in the house. Is it the same if there is a father? Do you only let them over at single mom households?



SMayer
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Posted: 4/6/2013 10:39:48 AM
I'm surprised at the majority of the answers.

I don't see a problem with it, unless said cousins were known to be "bad boys", DD had a crush on one of them or the parents were going to be out of the house.

maryannscraps
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Posted: 4/6/2013 10:46:23 AM

I guess I'm a shitty mom - if I knew and trusted the parents, I wouldn't think twice.
Me too. I probably have -- but I don't remember because it wasn't even on my radar.
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