Need some advice: DD's friend has probably stolen something from her ***UPDATE***

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Posted 10/6/2013 by Princess Pea in NSBR Board
 

Princess Pea
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Posted: 10/6/2013 6:32:57 AM
UPDATE: I finally got in touch with the thief's mom after playing phone tag. I pretty much used Peabay's script. The mom had me to talk to her daughter while she searched her bag. Her daughter did take the dollhouse furniture, along with some Lego toys of my son's (which we hadn't missed). She apologized profusely had her daughter apologize to me. She says that her daughter has never done anything like this before and she was very glad that I had called. She will bring everything over tomorrow after she gets off work. Thanks for all of the advice. Whew! Glad that's over! I hate confrontations!


DD had two friends over to spend the night on Friday. One had been over several times, but the other had not. Dd has a dollhouse that belonged to me as a child. The house and all of the furniture inside are handmade. It has great sentimental value. The girls left yesterday afternoon and DD didn't clean her room until late last night. She discovered that three pieces of dollhouse furniture are missing. We are pretty sure that one of the girls took them, most likely the one who was visiting for the first time.

I know the mom of the suspected thief somewhat, but not that well. I am planning to call her and the other girl's mom. Please give me some words to say so that I don't offend them too much. I know it would be hard as a parent to receive a call like that, and I want to handle it the best way.


Melissa

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Peabay
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Posted: 10/6/2013 6:39:09 AM
"Hi. When the girls were over here the other night, they were playing with our doll house. When we cleaned up yesterday, we noticed that some items were missing. Would you mind asking your daughers if they recall seeing these pieces? It has great sentimental value, as it was mine as a child. We've turned the house upside down looking for them and are hoping the girls remember seeing them or maybe put them somewhere we can find them."

ETA: I would add "the pieces are handmade and irreplaceable. I'm heartsick over this - please ask them to think hard if they recall where they might be."

Really play on the sympathies. And emphasize you're wondering if the girls maybe placed them somewhere else in the house.



Sue_Pea
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Posted: 10/6/2013 6:41:22 AM

"Hi. When the girls were over here the other night, they were playing with our doll house. When we cleaned up yesterday, we noticed that some items were missing. Would you mind asking your daughers if they recall seeing these pieces? It has great sentimental value, as it was mine as a child. We've turned the house upside down looking for them and are hoping the girls remember seeing them or maybe put them somewhere we can find them."


Perfect!

Mom22Girls
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Posted: 10/6/2013 6:47:41 AM
I hope you get them back. And the above sounds perfect.


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Maryland
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Posted: 10/6/2013 7:28:21 AM
I like the above response as well. It could have all been innocent. I have 3 girls. I know when they have friends over, the room looks like a tornado went through. Then when it's time to pack up to go home, you know how girls are, they just throw their stuff together as fast as possible at the last minute. They don't always check, just throw it in their bag.

I hope you find it! I wouldn't be offended at all if I got a call like that. I would know that stuff like that happens with kids (innocently).

When my kids were younger (and still now sometimes) they played with Fisher Price Little People. I love the little characters too! I would collect our favorite little people before a friend came over and hide them in my room. That way, we didn't have to worry about something accidently getting lost. Maybe you could do that with the dollhouse. Not something I would want to take a chance with as it is so important.

Again, I hope you find your furniture pieces.

Miss Ang
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Posted: 10/6/2013 9:46:26 AM

"Hi. When the girls were over here the other night, they were playing with our doll house. When we cleaned up yesterday, we noticed that some items were missing. Would you mind asking your daughters if they recall seeing these pieces? Or could you check if they may have accidentally fallen into her bag?It has great sentimental value, as it was mine as a child. We've turned the house upside down looking for them and are hoping the girls remember seeing them or maybe put them somewhere we can find them."

ETA: I would add "the pieces are handmade and irreplaceable. I'm heartsick over this - please ask them to think hard if they recall where they might be."

This is great. But I would add the part I put in bold.


-Angela

styxgirl
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Posted: 10/6/2013 9:57:58 AM
I'm sorry your pieces have ended up missing! Hopefully they will turn up and will have been misplaced due to something totally innocent.

It sucks as a child to be accused of something you didn't do.

When I was about 7 or 8 I spent the summer with my great grandmother. I was best friends with a little girl a couple of houses down.

Her mother came over to talk to my grandma to tell her that she KNEW I stole a cat's eye ring from her jewelry box in her upstairs bedroom. I wasn't allowed in their house anymore.

I never stole anything. I hadn't even ever been in her bedroom. My grandmother believed me and stood up for me. I still played with the little girl but wasn't allowed in her house.

I remembered being sad that her parents didn't like me and thought something SO bad of me that I didn't even do.

I hope there's an innocent explanation, but even more, I hope you get your furniture back.

I know, because it's so special, it would be off limits to play with when friends are over from now on.


Nicole

LemonaideLinda
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Posted: 10/6/2013 10:36:34 AM
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. It's a no-win situation in my book.


Or could you check if they may have accidentally fallen into her bag?


If you include the bold statement, then more than likely your dd's friendship will be over with this other child. It makes the point, but it's very "In-Your-Face" about it, IMO.

Princess Pea
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Posted: 10/6/2013 11:04:18 AM
Thanks for all of the advice. I plan to call in a little while.


It sucks as a child to be accused of something you didn't do.



I know, and I would hate it if the child turns out to be innocent, but I'm afraid that's probably not the case. At this point, I just hope that the mom doesn't get too upset with me. This is a school friend and our school is very small. Unless one of us moves away, we will cross paths with this girl for many years to come.


Melissa

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momstime
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Posted: 10/6/2013 11:35:48 AM
I think that would be a perfect way to phrase things. If I were the mom of one of these girls, I would not be offended by that phone call in the least...and moreover, I would do everything in my power to get to the bottom of things and help you find your missing pieces.

Update soon.

Also, I am glad you are calling both moms. You might want to mention that when you call.




backtoscrap
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Posted: 10/6/2013 11:39:56 AM
I think instead of "fallen into her bag" A better alternative would be, could you please check to see if the pieces got mixed in with her things, the room was a disaster and the pieces may have been tangled in her things when she packed them up. Things don't fall into a bag on their own, I would be offended by that statement. Things do get "mixed in" accidentally and this could really be what happened.

Nani ke Ola
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Posted: 10/6/2013 11:40:58 AM
If the child did take it, the parents might know that something is going on.
Ex - When my step D lived with us, she stole from me all the time. I knew it was an issue that we constantly battled.
She came home one day saying she wasn't allowed inside her friends house because of whatever reason. The reason was feasible (the friends mom had cancer and was very sick). So I didn't think too much about it. Later, when the SD moved to live with her mom, the friends caretakers came over and told us that SD had stolen from them on numerous occasions over the years but didn't want to tell us about it.

I was offended and hurt that they couldn't have approached me in the first place. If I had known I could have addressed it with SD.

Good luck, its an uncomfortable situation and hopefully it is a mistake. And I hope your things are found!


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gar
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Posted: 10/6/2013 11:49:39 AM

Or could you check if they may have accidentally fallen into her bag?



That's a pretty pointed way of saying "Please check your DD hasn't stolen my stuff"


Backtoscrap's version is much nicer.








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Frazzled Mom
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Posted: 10/6/2013 12:50:38 PM
Maybe give the girls the benefit of the doubt for now. When we came back from science camp and from the 8th grade trip to DC, there were a bunch of items that came home in the wrong roommates' bags. Nothing was intentionally stolen, but kids don't always pay attention when packing up. Heck, even one of the chaperones grabbed someone else's gloves in her rush to get out on time.

Hope you get the furniture back!


Gail

Princess Pea
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Posted: 10/6/2013 8:48:00 PM
Update in OP.


Melissa

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peaname
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Posted: 10/6/2013 9:00:12 PM
I'm glad you are getting them back. When I was in grade school a friend took some Jamaican coins that I had in a see through piggy bank. I didn't know they were missing until a friend of my sister who lived next door to this girl gave them to my sister and said Nichole is sorry she stole these from your sister. As far as I know Nichole got over her theft problem and this girl will too. I'm not sure if I would be inviting her over again though.


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jenjie
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Posted: 10/6/2013 9:02:12 PM
Great resolution. You and the other mom handled it appropriately.


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Posted: 10/6/2013 9:03:54 PM
I'm really glad you got your furniture back. I hope the girl learns her lesson and is so embarrassed when she returns the items that she never does it again.

My question to moms who have BTDT is, how do you make sure your own child doesn't just develop a case of sticky fingers one day?


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LemonaideLinda
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Posted: 10/6/2013 9:06:19 PM
I'm glad you got the doll furniture back along with the Legos that you hadn't known were missing. Whew! Know you are relieved!

Mary Kay Lady
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Posted: 10/6/2013 9:07:27 PM

It sounds like you handled it well. I'm glad that you're getting it back. Hopefully, the little girl will learn her lesson from this experience.



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Princess Pea
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Posted: 10/6/2013 9:15:17 PM

My question to moms who have BTDT is, how do you make sure your own child doesn't just develop a case of sticky fingers one day?


Good question. I feel sorry for the mom. She seems like someone who is trying to raise her daughter "right," and then this comes up. Our kids aren't perfect and next time it could be my daughter doing something. For what it's worth, the little girl confessed right away that she took the things. I didn't have to tease it our of her. It takes a big person to admit a mistake, especially when you are nine.


Melissa

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SabrinaM
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Posted: 10/6/2013 10:07:19 PM
If I were in the thief's Moms shoes I would be driving DD over to give the items back and apologize. No way would I make it easy on my sticky fingered daughter by resolving this for her.

Glad you're getting your items back!


***********
Sabrina

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