Drama mommas - do you know a "cash cow" parent? **vent**

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Posted 10/6/2013 by Emanon in NSBR Board
 

Emanon
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Posted: 10/6/2013 10:40:35 AM
My son is involved in local theater. He just really enjoys it as a hobby. We have a family we know who's son has become involved in theater too. He is a few years younger than my son (actually in my youngest's class at school) and they have started full bore into agents, acting classes, constant auditions, etc. A year ago this kid was going to be a football superstar, until he was kicked off the team due to his weight. Now he's going to have multiple agents and land big budget film work or a television series by the time he's 12.

This mother drives. me. crazy

I feel like every time I mention anything about theater and my son's casting or auditions, she has to jump in with some type of competitive statement. I post on FB something about being cast, and she will make a statement that her son "was going to audition for that part, but his agent felt it was too small a production". Condescend much?

I don't think that she realizes that I am friends on FB with a lot of the local producers and directors. They see her comments. She is going to put one too many nails in that coffin with her posts and her son won't get a casting as an understudy for the tech crew!!

Ugh.

styxgirl
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Posted: 10/6/2013 10:43:57 AM
She does sound annoying. I dislike parents that are always trying to one-up everyone else. ICK.


Nicole

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Posted: 10/6/2013 10:51:38 AM
Jeez. How annoying. Does the boy even *want* to be an actor??


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LemonaideLinda
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Posted: 10/6/2013 11:00:59 AM
As annoying as she sounds, I feel sorry for the kid. Can't help but wonder how many times he's missed out on something because of his mother's insecurities.

pennyring
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Posted: 10/6/2013 11:02:36 AM
I try to ignore that competitive shit. It's honestly her issue. Don't let it bug you too much.

I have a friend who is this way. Love her to death but she is a horrible one-upper. If I get a raise, suddenly she is practically CEO at her company. Right. Haha. It's her competitive issue and it's totally obvious she feels like she has to be "better" all the time. It truly makes me sad for her. I love her the way she is. She doesn't have to lie to be my friend. Ya know?



emmafrost
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Posted: 10/6/2013 11:07:04 AM
Use her as training in how to deal with the sharks when your son hits big time. Can you block her and her comments on FB?







voltagain
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Posted: 10/6/2013 11:36:33 AM
Ask yourself why it is driving you crazy. My hunch is you also have a highly competitive personality and up to this point have felt you are somewhat queen of the hill. After all, you are the one with all those other more important people on fb.

Address your issues on why her words bother you. Stop competing with her. After all if her words really are nails in a coffin that is a good thing, yes? One less person for your son to be auditioning against.


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alisatj
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Posted: 10/6/2013 12:29:46 PM
Block her from seeing your posts on FB.

Don't engage her in person. If you know she's all about one-upping you, then don't even bring stuff up. Why bring it on yourself?

LeaP
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Posted: 10/6/2013 12:48:18 PM
Ignore, ignore, ignore and nod and smile in person.

I live in Los Angeles and my daughters take various classes (music, sport, acting) in our neighborhood. I have met people that drive in weekly from Las Vegas for classes, have moved here for classes and so on. They probably think I am lazy because my criteria is that classes be within three miles of my house. To each her own.

melissa
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Posted: 10/6/2013 12:55:48 PM
I'm with you and I disagree with Voltagain.

These parents are everywhere whether it is academics or activities. It can get on your nerves especially if you are the one they feel they must one-up.

I like to believe some of them are innocent- just excited over how well their child is doing in something and they have the need to share. But then there are the others.

I am currently around a mom similar to one described in the OP some ways. The arts world is small in certain arenas, tiny on a local level, small on a national level. There are things this mom has said that we know to be outright embellishments (I am polite and did not say lies. ) because, well, the arts community is small. The child in question even has a different story than the mom, one that is much more accurate.




doesitmatter?
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Posted: 10/6/2013 1:11:34 PM
Ya, there is always one of those... sit somewhere else lol


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CountryHam
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Posted: 10/6/2013 1:25:47 PM
Where is the "cash cow" part?

It sounds like you both are involving your
children in acting. You both audition your
children etc. You made a point of commenting
to us how you are FB friends with producers.
Perhaps to outsiders that might seem a little
braggy. Is she a cash cow for doing the same
things you do?



SarahYoo
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Posted: 10/6/2013 1:42:49 PM
I also know a mother quite like the one the OP is describing. Only she doesn't just limit her one-upping to arts programs, she does it with every single mortal thing her 2 DDs do. Everything. Any conversation you engage with her quickly becomes the "listen to how amazing/talented/clever my girls are" show. She expertly shoe horns her kids achievements into any conversation, even if it has nothing to do with kids. Yes, everyone has the right to be proud of their offspring, but when it comes across as bragging and she unashamedly makes your children seem inferior to hers - I'm sorry, that's where I switch off and disengage.
This year my eldest DD and her eldest DD are in the same high school chorus program. At the parents meeting she sat next to me, and everything that was mentioned she had a negative experience about (her DD is a Sophomore, mine is a Freshman) especially when it came to volunteering and parent chaperoning. But guess what, her name was first on the clipboard for both of them I signed up as a volunteer to help sort cookie dough, as did she, and she helped out with the orders and money collected. I got a PM on Facebook telling me how she had spent the past 2 days counting $$$ for the fundraiser. This was literally hours after a mutual friend had been subjected to an hour of her "bragging" about how much time she spends volunteering at the school, and the mutual friend casually mentioned that she knew I had volunteered too.
I have blocked and restricted this mother on Facebook, and try not to engage her. When I do find myself talking to her, I try to be polite, but find a way to excuse myself before I lose the will to live I try very hard not to get into what we Brits call a "pissing contest" by not mentioning things my own kids have done which may be better than hers
I think some mothers try to live through their kids, and by bragging about their achievements/talents they are taking credit for it themselves. Anything my kids achieve is all down to their own talent and hard work, I just gave birth to them


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gavinsmom
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Posted: 10/6/2013 2:02:23 PM
how does a kid get 'kicked off' the football team for his weight? that doesn't make any sense....

limit what she can see on facebook


Nicole

Emanon
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Posted: 10/6/2013 2:03:23 PM
Glad I'm not the only one who has had experience with this.

To respond to some comments/questions:

I don't know what the child wants to do. They are constantly signing him up for new activities. Just yesterday they signed him up for lacrosse. He is 9. He is already doing acting classes 3x a week, karate, choir, drama club at school, football, soccer, and now lacrosse. Holy over scheduling batman!

Why does it drive me crazy? Because it's one thing for her to feel competitive, it's another for her to belittle other's accomplishments. It's inappropriate. Maybe it is the way she does it that bothers me? If it were because her child went up against mine and won an audition - great for her child!! We are very happy when others in the theater family get roles they really want. But for her to make statements about roles being won that her son didn't even audition for because they are "beneath" him - wrong wrong wrong.

The cash cow part for me is that she is coming off like her "golden child" will be supporting her in her old age due to these things she signs him up for. As I said, last year it was football (he's destined to be recruited in high school for the NFL - he's sooooo gifted), this year it's acting (his agent says he has soooooo much promise and we're just waiting for the call). I have dreams of my child going to college and pursuing whatever he wants as a profession. My DH and I don't expect our children to support us when they are adults. That is a huge difference between her and I IMO.

Why did I mention I'm friends with theater people? Theater is a very small community. You either get along or get out. As much as I wish my son would have chosen a different hobby (I hate the late night rehearsals) I don't want to take it away from him. He doesn't have a lot of extracurricular activities and I'm not going to make him stop doing something he's passionate about, although I do limit the number of productions he can audition for/be cast for at one time.


Thank you all who have dealt with this yourselves.

Dalai Mama
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Posted: 10/6/2013 2:05:15 PM

Where is the "cash cow" part?
Here:

and they have started full bore into agents, acting classes, constant auditions, etc.
OP, we have one of those - she's condescending without having any clue what is going on behind the scenes. If I'm in a good mood, I just block her from posts concerning my son. If I'm in a bitchy mood, I leave her to her foolishness


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Emanon
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Posted: 10/6/2013 2:07:28 PM

how does a kid get 'kicked off' the football team for his weight? that doesn't make any sense....



Because on our peewee football league you have weight rules. He is 9 years old, he's under 5', and weighs over 120.

PeasfulHeart
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Posted: 10/6/2013 2:31:41 PM

last year it was football (he's destined to be recruited in high school for the NFL - he's sooooo gifted), this year it's acting (his agent says he has soooooo much promise and we're just waiting for the call)

And 9 years old, huh?



That mother is over the top. Coming from a person who has very little in the personal competitiveness department, I think I could be quite entertained by this woman. Can you mentally step back and let yourself also be entertained by her ridiculousness?



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FrenchToast
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Posted: 10/6/2013 2:36:51 PM
My dd14 goes to a Performing Arts school, so I am quite familiar with these kind of parents. I think parents who THINK their kids are talented, but honestly they are really not make the most noise.

My dd is very passionate about her art and I try my best not to be a stage mom. My philosophy is I let people come to me and tell me how talented she is. I let her talent speak for itself, no need to be a parent like the one the OP speaks of. .



dawndoll
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Posted: 10/6/2013 3:15:50 PM

After all, you are the one with all those other more important people on fb.


Haha. Tit for tat.




Basket1lady
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Posted: 10/6/2013 3:53:35 PM
I'm with Peasfulheart. I find these moms quite amusing!

Last fall, I listened to a mom go on and on about her DD, how she chose to have the lead understudy and not the lead. How she is so much better than the lead and how maybe they should have taken the lead, since the girl "they" cast was so horrible.

That girl with the lead was my DD. It was all I could do to keep a straight face in front of this mom. I just kept quiet and kept doing the girls' hair for the dress rehearsal. When she asked who my DD was, I just said "99". (They did Get Smart.) The look on her face was priceless. And I knew that her DD had been kicked out of the last play because she did basketball try outs and it's against the rules to do a sport and theater because they are at the same time. And my DD replaced her DD in that play.

Like so many have said, it's a small world. Just let her hang herself.


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melanell
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Posted: 10/6/2013 4:08:34 PM
I am pretty darn non-competitive, so I just ignore things like that.

If she really is not allowing her son to audition for things, then I feel bad for him. he may be missing out on opportunities he may have enjoyed.



Mallie
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Posted: 10/6/2013 4:09:00 PM
I have a co-irker like that. Because we have dds who are close in age, she focuses her competitive streak on me. I'm a really non-competitive person, but she is SOOOOOO annoying. Another co-worker this week made the comment that, "If your dd was elected President of the United States, her daughter would be appointed Empress of the Universe." She has to compete with anything -- even bad stuff. If my dd is sick, her dd is sicker. What's sick is her compulsive competitiveness.

I ignored her FB friend request, I avoid saying ANYTHING about my dd in front of her and find a way to leave the room or pretend to be busy when ever she starts. I can't even find the interest to try to understand her insecurities or whatever the hell it is that makes her behave like that. I just want her to shut up and to stop turning every stray comment I might accidentally make about my dd into the run for Olympic gold.


CnBsmommy
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Posted: 10/6/2013 4:48:03 PM
those make me laugh & irritate me too. I knew one parent like that. Her kid ended up not getting any parts--big or small. my friend's kid who she was critical of, she'd say they were holding out for the 100K parts, etc.. never knowing what my friends son got paid, got parts in movies & tv shows. Oh & the competitive parent, well, she told us she had called matt Lauer & was going to be on the today show to talk about teen bullying & how she was going to have a little girl arrested at school. well, girl wasn't arrested, wacko mom wasn't on the today show, & she ended up living in Appalachia, this was after telling the world she had to move to NY to be closer to her kids agents.


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