How/what did you decide about your children driving with their firends?

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Posted 10/6/2013 by cdnstorelady in NSBR Board

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 218,176
August 2005
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Posted: 10/6/2013 2:03:48 PM
DD just turned 16 and one of the youngest in her class. Many of her friends started writing their beginners tests last year and now some of her friends have their full (not beginners) license. DH is a regional manager for an auto insurance compnay and has been in this business for nearly 30 years. Needless to say, he has pretty strong opinioms about teen drivers an our DD#1 didn't get her beginners until after she was 17.

Our rule for her was no riding with any driver under age 18. We have the same rule for DD#2 which she of course thinks is way too strict.

DD#1 didn't challenge us very much on this they way DD#2 is. We've already said DD#2 can take her beginners next spring, which will be about 6 months before she turns 17, so we're already being lenient on her than DD#1.

How did you decide when your kids could ride with their friends and/or take their beginner's test?

Tony is MY hoochie!

PeaNut 3,902
April 2000
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Loc: MN

Posted: 10/6/2013 2:10:59 PM
Most states have laws regarding how many friends can be in a car for so many mo's after they get their drivers lics. So that was basically what we are going by. Now, the whole no riding with drivers under 18 would be very restricting for a teen wanting to go out and do things with friends? I mean, is mommy and daddy going to have to drive them to everything? yea..that wouldn't go over in our home. Right now youngest dd is 17. She got her drivers permit at 16, and her full lis this summer. She has only had 1 friend in her car. She is very responsible.

Allons-y Alonso

PeaNut 174,150
October 2004
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Posted: 10/6/2013 2:12:30 PM
No kids but I don't understand why you wouldn't let them get theirs licenses when they legally could. That seems way overprotective to me. My mom let us drive with our friends about six months after we all had our licenses. It was a nonissue. Everyone got their license on their birthday.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 509,811
May 2011
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Posted: 10/6/2013 2:13:52 PM
The law in our state dictates our rules: says they can't have anyone else in their car (except a sibling) until they have had their licences a year if they are under 18. They are also restrictions on how late they can drive as well.

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PEAceful Pea

PeaNut 14,521
April 2001
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Loc: Washington State

Posted: 10/6/2013 2:15:11 PM
Our state law says you need to have your license for 6 months before you can drive with friends, so we followed that. We didn't tack on extra time or conditions because it hasn't really been an issue. Ds will sometimes drive a friend to school or to/from practice. He's been a responsible driver. He also drives his younger sister to/from school and she would rat out any unsafe driving.



PeaNut 232,220
November 2005
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Loc: Humble, TX

Posted: 10/6/2013 2:19:59 PM
Well it's the norm around here to get your dricer's license on, or soon after your 16th birthday. I was driving a delivery routes in the city 45 minutes from home before I was 17 and had another 16 year old go with me most of the time.

I think it's an individual choice. Obviously your dh has strong feelings about this since he's in the industry but around here your daughter would be in the minority with teens whose parents probably can't afford the classes or the insurance. My nephew and brother both got their licenses this year (learner's permits at 15) and, as far as I know, neither have restrictions on who they can have in the car with the exception of young kids. My dad has the rule of getting the radio on a station you want before leaving and no food, drinks, or phone but his kids have been pretty responsible and we were all driving on family property by 14.

I only remember having to make sure one of my parents knew who I was getting in a car with but I was never not allowed they just wanted to know the details of who was driving and where we were going. We live in a small town in the country so that was probably a big factor too.


PeaNut 8,699
December 2000
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Loc: TX, United States

Posted: 10/6/2013 2:21:30 PM
My kids have fall bdays so they were always the early ones who started driving. So I didn't have to worry about it too much. It's a law around here that during their first 6 months of driving that they can only have one other person in the car under the age of 21 unless they are family. We weren't too strict about things as long as they followed the law. We did preach about seatbelts until we were blue in the face. But I think you should follow your gut and set limits as you see fit!!! Being strict when you feel safety is involved is your job! I saw a tweet the other day by this kid who has been in trouble for drugs (using and selling) and he tweeted "I'm glad my dad lets me do whatever I want but at the same time I feel like I wouldn't be in the trouble I am if he had cared enough to tell me no". You care and that's what's important!

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Steel City Fan

PeaNut 4,382
May 2000
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Loc: Beavercreek, OH

Posted: 10/6/2013 2:40:24 PM
We made both of our kids drive on their permits for almost a year before getting their licenses. We restricted who they drove with and, once they got their licenses, who rode with them.

Some of you say that is overprotective. I taught high school and saw many of your "responsible" drivers driving on a daily basis. They scared me to death. Parents really have no idea how their kids drive. Just because they don't get tickets or get in an accident doesn't mean they are good drivers. There were so many close calls just in our parking lots! They are so easily distracted by each other when a bunch if them are together.

Graduated licenses have been a help in lowering accident rates, but teenagers are still involved in lots of accidents and near misses. They think they are indestructible and many (of course not all) drive like it. Being too cautious is way better than the alternative!
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Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 218,176
August 2005
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Posted: 10/6/2013 2:44:21 PM
Unfortunately here the extent of the graduated license is that for the first two year you can't drive between midnight and 5 am and you can only carry as many passengers as there are seatbelts....not very restrictive. Since you can take your road test here 3 months after you have your learner's permit if you take driver's ed, that means a 16 year old and 3 months kid who has just passed a 15 minute road test can legally be out driving 6 other teens around in a large SUV until midnight.

And while i can't imagine there are parents that think this is a really excellent idea... There are kids whose parents turn over the keys as soon as the kid passes their road test.

School wasn't even in for a month this year befiore a car with 4 17 y.o boys in got t-boned coming out of the school driveway ...several seriously hurt and DD says...well it was probably their fault.

Yes, that's my point! People, regardless of age, with less driving experience, are much more likely to be in an accident or cause an accident. Kids with multiple people in the car are more likely to take risks or be distracted than kids driving alone.

So new drivers with friends in the car is a situation I'm not wiling to risk my child's life in....but you can't convince DD that "her" friends aren't good drivers, etc etc. That's part of the reason we have the's not personal. She's not missing out on anything...we take her to places, drop her off and pick her up all the time...I realize it's not as "grown up" as going with your friends alone but we live in a very busy are vehicle wise and it's just a risk I'm not comfortable with.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 289,166
December 2006
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Loc: Southern California

Posted: 10/6/2013 2:48:38 PM
I let then 14 yo DD drive with a fairly newly licensed driver. The girl was 17 and the sister of DD's best friend. If they were together at their house, it would've been very awkward for her not to be able to go out with them for fast food or whatever. I know, it's not the best decision, but it worked out.

Tony is MY hoochie!

PeaNut 3,902
April 2000
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Loc: MN

Posted: 10/6/2013 3:21:07 PM
" Parents really have no idea how their kids drive."

Yea...I'm pretty sure how I know how MY kid drives. Being they have to have so many hrs behind the wheel with a permit, etc. with an adult. Which would be me and my dh. And trust me, I've seen plenty of adult and elderly distracted drivers. At some point, ya just need to let them learn.


PeaNut 404,811
December 2008
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Loc: Southern Oregon

Posted: 10/6/2013 4:44:06 PM

In the state of Oregon any person under 18 can not drive any body around except their immediate family members (siblings or parents living in the house) for 6 months. and they had strict time rules too....

My daughter was 17 when she finally got her drivers license and she had 4 months before she turned 18 and she thought after she turned 18 she would be driving her friends around... I stopped that one.... I told her she had to do the 6 months with nobody else in her car but me or my husband. (has no siblings)

and even after that I was very persistent about who she drove around. there were people she was not allowed to drive with and when she did drive there were rules.

Happy scrapping


PeaNut 56,437
November 2002
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Loc: Northern California

Posted: 10/6/2013 5:55:10 PM
My daughter is a few months over 17 and will reach the one year mark of having her license in another month (at that point, it is legal for her to have other riders under 18). However, we feel very strongly about this (even though our daughter is very, very trustworthy) and will not be letting her drive her friends around.

On the flip side, we don't let her ride with other friends that have been licensed for more than one year either. We will lift this restriction this June when she graduates but for now, it gives me a piece of mind that is unquantifiable (we were in a really bad accident a year ago so I am very sensitive to driving).
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