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Posted 12/16/2013 by nolapea in NSBR Board


PeaNut 575,138
December 2012
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Posted: 12/16/2013 2:39:50 PM
So much is going on and none of it good. We had to sell our house this year and move in with my in laws for what was supposed to be a short time. (All our financial issues go back to our business interruption insurance not paying after Katrina due to a loop hole and our homeowners insurance and taxes increasing our mortgage by a third, and then the arm kicking in!). Many people don't realize just how much we got screwed down here. My husband and I work 7 days a week! We were planning on buying a large double with my in laws where they could have the downstairs side of one half. My FIL has early stage Altzheimers and problems with weak legs. After moving in we found out my MIL has cancer of unknown primary. She was doing well until my FIL had to go to the hospital for a mini stroke. He's at in house rehab. She wore herself out and now she's in the hospital with pneumonia. Add to that she forgot to open the flue, lit a fire and now I'm supervising the cleanup.
On top if that I have an Aspie, ADHD 14 year old DS and a business to run. And taking care of running back and forth to hospital. DH is doing as much as I am.

And did I mention my MIL Criticizes me constantly? I miss my home, especially now! I had to send my dogs who are my comfort, to stay with my mom in another state. How do I get through this?
Sorry so long

Laura D
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PeaNut 537,586
January 2012
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Posted: 12/16/2013 2:41:39 PM
so sorry...sending hugs!


PeaNut 103,026
August 2003
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Posted: 12/16/2013 2:44:26 PM
I have no advice I'm sorry you have been burdened with so much.

"We can, if we're careful, find our own junk code, and reprogram ourselves to be different, better people." Patrick Rothfuss

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 288,459
December 2006
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Posted: 12/16/2013 2:45:28 PM

How do I get through this?

One day at a time. Probably actually one hour at a time.

I'm very sorry you are having to deal with all of this, and feel so "in over your head", as any of us would.


PeaNut 172,235
October 2004
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Posted: 12/16/2013 2:48:39 PM
That IS a heck of a lot to deal with!!! Good lord, I'm sorry.

I guess you just have to remember that there 'is' light at the end of the tunnel even if you can't see it yet and life will be good and enjoyable fr you. Hang in there!!

Today, I will be colouring outside the lines.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 80,815
April 2003
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Loc: The mitten state

Posted: 12/16/2013 2:49:48 PM
Wow, that sounds extremely stressful. I'm so sorry. I really hope things get better for you soon. (((HUGS)))


Mom to Lia Grace age 13

People not perfection

PeaNut 35,457
April 2002
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Loc: Right where I should be

Posted: 12/16/2013 2:50:15 PM
Laura, I am so very sorry. It is so hard when a lot hits all at once. Several of your things aren't just hitting they have been many years. I can hear the weary in your post. (((hugs))) Rest when you can, know you are not alone and you are loved. Why is your dh not speaking to his mom about the words she is saying to you? Can you try to limit your time with her or ask for headphones for Christmas?!?!? I know it isn't funny but seriously sometimes we have to find ways to cope in the midst. I say that out of experience. I have a ds on the spectrum. He uses headphones a lot to cope with sounds and noises that are too much for him. I realized recently you know I sometimes feel better when I am listening to music or a podcast. Find somethings that are nourishing and uplifting to you and fill your mind, heart and ears with those truths.


PeaNut 183,939
January 2005
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Posted: 12/16/2013 2:50:36 PM
I'm so sorry you're going through this. We've been dealing with our own never-ending situation that has made life completely miserable for over 4 years now. The only way I've been able to get through is a day at a time. It sounds so trite, but that's what it boils down to. Some days, it really is getting through an hour or even minutes at a time. Sometimes it helps to sneak off and have a good cry, curse the world, and then get back to doing what you have to do to get by until it gets better. *hugs*


PeaNut 575,138
December 2012
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Posted: 12/16/2013 2:54:24 PM
Y'all I have tears reading this-thank you. I realize I needed to vent and all of you gave me a soft place to fall. Than you for your kindness!

Laura D
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My virtue has been restored! =)

PeaNut 272,896
August 2006
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Posted: 12/16/2013 2:58:53 PM

SHOP ONLINE? Click HERE!! to earn CASH!! every time you shop! All the major retailers are there.


PeaNut 294,285
January 2007
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Loc: Minnesota

Posted: 12/16/2013 3:03:10 PM
nolapea, I am so sorry. That is enough to crush anyone. Vent away, dear pea. All I can say is treat YOURSELF with kindness. Sometimes I have to just take a few minutes for myself, even if it's just a walk around the block.

You'll be in my prayers from this end of the Mississippi.



PeaNut 575,138
December 2012
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Posted: 12/16/2013 3:09:37 PM
2peafaithful, thank you for the suggestions. I try to remember that I'm just very different than she is and she's not one who embraces change. Your posts are always so kind and thoughtful.
As is all of yours have been-thank you.

Laura D
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Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 154,236
June 2004
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Posted: 12/16/2013 3:12:37 PM

back to *pea*ality

PeaNut 471,633
June 2010
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Posted: 12/16/2013 3:17:23 PM
You have more than your fair share to deal with. Hope that better days are just around the corner for you. Remember to take care of your needs too, so many are depending on your strength.

Stay Gold, Ponyboy

PeaNut 41,779
July 2002
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Loc: The Left Coast

Posted: 12/16/2013 3:27:49 PM
Hugs. I'm so sorry.

"She is too fond of books, and it has turned her brain." - Louisa May Alcott

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 211,902
June 2005
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Posted: 12/16/2013 3:40:20 PM
So sorry you have so much to cope with. I hope you can find ways to de-stress regularly. I know that is easier said than done. (((HUGS)))

pearl-clutching nitpicker

PeaNut 201,774
April 2005
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Loc: gone to chemo with BethAnne

Posted: 12/16/2013 3:40:43 PM
Poor baby. That is a crappy hand you've been dealt.

When things are bad, I always try to remind myself, "This too shall pass." It doesn't always help, but sometimes I fall for it.

Hugs to you.

northern california

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."
--Bertrand Russell

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PeaNut 526,154
October 2011
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Posted: 12/16/2013 3:46:20 PM
Winston Churchill said it

If you are going through hell...KEEP GOING.

I've been there. Not exactly there but very similar. It was hard, so hard. You just keep going. HUGS to you!!


PeaNut 574,604
December 2012
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Posted: 12/16/2013 4:04:49 PM
About ten years ago, I was going through a rough time. Someone gave me a magnet with this on it:

Winston Churchill said it

If you are going through hell...KEEP GOING.

I put it on my refrigerator and it really helped me.

My best wishes for you as you keep going.

Best Cat Evahhh!

PeaNut 18,741
July 2001
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Loc: Maryland

Posted: 12/16/2013 4:13:52 PM
I am so sorry to read of all your troubles. That is quite the list. Any ONE of those things to manage would be enough to send someone looking for a hole to crawl in and hide for it all.

{{{{{ hugs }}}}}

I wish I had some magic words that would help. Everything I think to write seems trite and not any help at all.

{{{{ more hugs }}}}


Sick of Snow

PeaNut 41,352
June 2002
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Loc: Canada

Posted: 12/16/2013 5:18:35 PM
You poor thing. That is just so much.
Sending you a gentle hug.

Eye pea ;)

PeaNut 29,130
February 2002
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Posted: 12/16/2013 6:23:00 PM
((((Hugs)))). You have an awful lot on your plate. I hope things get better soon.

Happy now?

PeaNut 156,993
July 2004
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Loc: Connecticut

Posted: 12/16/2013 6:27:37 PM
I'm sorry. Sending prayers and positive thoughts.

I love that Winston Churchill quote. So perfect.


PeaNut 55,742
November 2002
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Posted: 12/16/2013 6:39:25 PM
Ahh, you do have a lot going on right now. I am sorry. Sometimes it helps to just vent and get it off your chest. I hope you posting helped a little.

You will get through this one day at a time. Don't take MIL's criticisms to heart and try to find a little time for yourself, if possible. I know it's probably easier said than done.

Take care!

Owner of "best tacky invitation" thread EVER

PeaNut 176,832
November 2004
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Loc: Stalking Dave Gahan

Posted: 12/16/2013 6:41:33 PM
you deserve lots of hugs, from all those around you and us.

The Katrina "fallout" stories continue to this day. Heartbreaking.


PeaNut 427,403
June 2009
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Loc: Canada's Capital

Posted: 12/16/2013 6:42:23 PM
Wow that is a lot for one person. I have no advice except to be gentle with yourself and I am sending good thoughts that things turn around now.


Please ignore the typos..I do know how to spell, I DON"T know how to type

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 428,374
June 2009
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Posted: 12/16/2013 6:48:14 PM
Nolapea I have just said prayers for you and will continue. No one person/couple should have to cope with so much, but this is life . I don't know if you are of faith, I hope my payers do not offend you.mremember you are never alone. God bless you.

It's not the passage of time that heals. It's what you do with that time.


PeaNut 346,032
November 2007
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Posted: 12/16/2013 6:58:05 PM
Any way you can find some humor in your MIL's criticisms? I mean, they have to be way off-base, right? Can you respond with humor, or quietly see the irony or absurdity? I've always found that if I can laugh I will feel better, and sometimes humor comes in surprising ways.

I, too, like the Winsto Chrchill quote. Hang in there!


PeaNut 57,202
November 2002
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Loc: Central Ontario, Canada

Posted: 12/16/2013 7:08:19 PM
So sorry to hear you have so many troubles to deal with. I'm sending a big positive hug your way!
I also love the Churchill quote, but my favourite one is still this:

"Every day is a little life. Fill it with gladness if you can; with courage if you can't".

My Mom had a little notebook in which she wrote down her favourite quotes and sayings. She's been gone for almost 14 years and I still look at the little notebook frequently to get me through the bad times.

Praying for better times ahead for you!

I'm Alive!

PeaNut 266,636
June 2006
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Posted: 12/16/2013 7:24:43 PM
I'm sorry.

Sometimes when one day at a time is just to much do it one breath at a time.

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PeaNut 575,138
December 2012
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Posted: 12/16/2013 8:15:31 PM
Even in this busy time if year y'all took the time to send encouragement. That alone has lifted me so many thanks and hugs back to you in gratitude!

I will remember I have a wicked sense of humor and try to find the laughter in things. Like MIL having 3 garbage cans and me trying to figure what goes where! I swear she gift wraps it!

Love the quotes!

Laura D
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PeaNut 279,621
October 2006
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Posted: 12/16/2013 9:11:26 PM
Hugs to you- it's so hard when your very best just isn't quite enough! Prayers for blessings and good things to come your way this year!

It's all just nonsense anyway!

PeaNut 97,456
July 2003
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Loc: California, NY & Orlando

Posted: 12/16/2013 9:32:55 PM
I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's a lot to carry, especially at this time of the year.

Any chance you and DH can sit down and schedule some down time, even if it's just an hour each every couple of days, either together, or separately. I find when I have things pulling me in 14 different directions, I often forget to take a breather just to put my body and soul back together, ready for the next onslaught.

Take care {{{BIG HUGS}}}

Send in the Monkeys!

PeaNut 86,755
May 2003
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Posted: 12/16/2013 9:45:18 PM
I am sorry Laura. Life sometimes really just sucks.
I was in New Orleans after Katrina and cannot even imagine how anyone can ever rebuild. The devastation was over-whelming. My heart really goes out to you and all the challenges you are facing.


Sleeping with a Serial Killer

PeaNut 262,757
May 2006
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Posted: 12/16/2013 10:01:47 PM
"A bite at a time."

That's how you eat an elephant.

Sending you P&PT, Nolapea.

*********Sue Who? *******

Reality is made up of words.-Ferdinando Buscema

Words are hard.-Hannah Kelly

NSBR: "We're like a big damn disfunctional family. We'll beat the crap out of each other, and it's ok, but dammit, if an outsider turns on one of ours, we circle the wagons." -Free~Bird
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PeaNut 358,844
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Posted: 12/16/2013 10:34:31 PM
My heart goes out to you. That's a tough patch of road you're traveling right now. I hope things ease up for you in 2014 and that your burdens are eased.

Mary Kay Lady
I'm thinking . . .

PeaNut 367,913
March 2008
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Posted: 12/16/2013 11:31:14 PM

I'm sorry that things are so difficult for you right now. ((HUGS))


PeaNut 422,656
May 2009
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Posted: 12/17/2013 12:46:07 AM
I am so sorry to hear what you are having to go through. I will keep good thoughts and prayers for you to get to the other side of this.


PeaNut 561,690
July 2012
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Posted: 12/17/2013 12:46:35 AM
Wow. That is an awful lot of awful for any one person/couple to handle. Just sending a bit of warm African sunshine (in thought) your way. Strength and Peace to you and yours.


PeaNut 341,259
October 2007
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Posted: 12/17/2013 12:50:56 AM
I am sorry that you have so much on your plate. It dies not seem fair and it is understandable that you're feeling a bit low.

Many years ago my DH had cancer and it doe not look like he would make it through...I just took one day at a time and tried like heck to find occasional moments of joy...even in the smallest things. That helped me and perhaps it might help you a wee bit.

He lived and I have never forgot how hard it was to get through that.

My heart goes out to you and I just wanted to give you a virtual hug! You so deserve it!


PeaNut 483,846
October 2010
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Posted: 12/17/2013 1:02:35 AM
Saying a special prayer for you tonight Nolapea!
I am so sorry you are going
thru so much! Just know that
your not alone the peas will always be here for you!
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PeaNut 575,138
December 2012
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Posted: 12/17/2013 7:46:56 AM
I don't want to miss saying thank you to the latest pea posters. Again, thanks for the soft place to fall. Hugs back to all of you. After all I am southern "that which does not kill us, makes us stronger!"

Laura D
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PeaNut 294,285
January 2007
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Loc: Minnesota

Posted: 12/17/2013 7:52:05 AM
Nola, I had to laugh about the 3 garbage cans! My MIL/FIL would put their recycling in the green box as if it were an offering to the gods. Every can and bottle placed just so, standing up perfectly. Thanks for the smile


Doxie Pea Mom

PeaNut 52,841
October 2002
Posts: 33,484
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Posted: 12/17/2013 8:17:03 AM
I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this. I am glad that you had a safe home to send your dogs for now. I know you miss them but if they were with you, that would be one more responsibility on your plate. For now, they are safe and waiting to come home to you as soon as possible. Hopefully they can come home to you soon. In the meantime, I hope you can find ways to cope with all that you are dealing with. I like the idea of the headphones that 2PeaFaithful talked about. Do you work out? I hate to suggest one more thing on your plate but a vigorous workout can also be a wonderful stress reliever. You didn't mention what kind of business you run. Is it possible to bring in an extra person to help so that you can get away from the business for a day each week or maybe for a few less working hours most day? How long is your MIL expected to be in the hospital? Huge hugs to you.

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