scrapping after a family feud

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Posted 1/7/2013 by PEAcasso in General Scrappin'
 

PEAcasso
PeaNut

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Posted: 1/7/2013 3:24:42 PM
I got my Christmas pictures developed Friday night, picked them up on Saturday morning and by Saturday night I felt like shredding every picture of my in-laws. My husband and his brother had a disagreement and my father-in-law took sides and now unfortunately there are no winners and what will likely be a lasting family feud. Everyone was dragged into it including me and my kids. How have you dealt with this and what do you do with the pics? I will scrap the ones of my kids from Christmas morning, and the ones of them with my parents and such, but I have zero desire to do anything with the rest. Now I probably won't really shred them, but it would sure give me a lot of satisfaction.


Have a great day!
PEAcasso!


LottaFire
BucketHead

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Posted: 1/7/2013 3:30:36 PM
Put them away until your anger subsides. I feel your pain. I scrapped my youngest son's first year album while I was divorcing his father. It sucked.
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biochemipea
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Posted: 1/7/2013 3:33:28 PM
Put them away, or in an envelope on a page. I would not journal the hard feelings now, personally, because I think the feelings are too fresh to be recorded forever in an album. Not that we only need to scrap the happy goodness in life, but I think having some time to recover and gain insight into the argument would be good for everyone.






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Paisleys Garden
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 1/7/2013 3:34:35 PM
Just because you have the photos doesn't mean you have to scrap them.

myboysnme
Living life on the left

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Posted: 1/7/2013 3:36:55 PM
They are your kids grandparents. I would scrap them but not include any of the feelings type journalling, just the who where when.

Edited to add- if I only scrapped family members I'm not feuding with I'd have no one to scrap.


My choice is to not take it personally - people have opinions. Particularly people here.-Peabay 12/29/11
I know this is assuming, but I'm really starting to think you are one of those "entitled" peas - Dalayney 4/2/12
When someone elects you Queen of Two Peas, then you can make the rules. - Sue_Pea 12/22/13
"Myboysnme,...I bow down to you, oh queen of the scrapping goodness" - Irish Eyes 3/9/14
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tinaev
PeaFixture

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Posted: 1/7/2013 3:40:35 PM
I made my Christmas page last year, over half the photos are of my stepdad who has decided to divorce my mom after 18 years of marriage. I didn't want to make the page, but I thought I should. Well, my feelings came out in the end and the page is ugly, I wasted a ton of product and I won't be adding it to my albums. It's ok to not scrap something.

Just tuck the pictures away and if you ever feel like revisiting it, do so. But really, don't feel obligated to scrapbook something you're just not into.

nikomoon14
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 1/7/2013 4:00:39 PM
I say Shred them
You have them save in the computer right?
Well shred those ones you printed give yourself sometime to forget the feud. Maybe next year you might want to scrap them .
Think about the little bit of resolve you will get out of tearing those pictures. Maybe you will fell so much better, you wont be mad at them anymore after. It will be like punching a pillow when you are mad at soneone.


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LolaLayout
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 1/7/2013 4:04:54 PM
Just date the photo envelope, and put away the pictures that don't give you pleasure. There is no rule that all pics must be included in our layouts. Someday you might want to see those pics again. Or another family member might. But it doesn't mean you have to look at them or work with them right now.

And (((hugs))). Sorry about the feud.



*Stop the glorification of busy*

purpledaisy
Calm

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Posted: 1/7/2013 4:21:46 PM
I vote put them away too. I'm sorry. Those types of situations truly suck and are no fun!


Becca

May we be consumed with the Creator of all things rather than with things created.

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Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent-free in your head.

LilacGal
PeaAddict

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Posted: 1/7/2013 4:27:01 PM
I say set them aside to scrap another day or even never. I got into a huge arguement with my mother in law where I was so angry I was shaking. She's not been in anything I've scrapbooked since the arguement. Stuff with her gets set aside. Hugs. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.


Amy


okiescrapgirl
PeaNut

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Posted: 1/7/2013 4:39:27 PM
Yup, no reason you have to scrap them right now. I would just put them away for now and decide how I would use the photos when enough time has gone by that I wasn't feeling so upset. Sorry you have to deal with this...I understand


Bette

HoneyBee13
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 1/7/2013 7:02:56 PM
I also vote set aside. You are more hurt than angry right now or you would have torn them up already. Sorry about what your going through, hope it gets better. elissa

CTPea
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 1/7/2013 7:03:59 PM
Agreed put them aside til you're ready & keep in mind whom you're scrapping the memories for (your kids, grand kids, etc)


Jenny





serenitysmom
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Posted: 1/7/2013 7:13:08 PM

I say Shred them
You have them save in the computer right?
Well shred those ones you printed give yourself sometime to forget the feud. Maybe next year you might want to scrap them .



If they are saved digitally, I agree with nikomoon14-It would make me feel better and nobody would have to know but me... I could print them again when I am ready to scrap them.

I am dealing with this now, trying to not scrap pictures of my sister's ex-fiance and of course, he's in 99% of the photos of her for the past couple years


Kim


PsychoMamaT
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Posted: 1/7/2013 7:32:42 PM
Set aside the ones that upset you for now. You don't have to decide whether or not to scrap them any time soon.

I think all of us will have been in a similar situation.

I'm returning to scrapping after about 5 years or more so there are lost friendships among the memories I'll be scrapping and they definitely wont make it into my albums. I was actually relieved when the friendships ended since they were all take no give and I felt sucked dry.

It feels kind of liberating to decide NOT to include them in albums for that year and in this instance my feeling on whether or not to scrap are the same as they would have been at the time when everything was raw.

On the flip side, there are some sad memories I'd like to document now that a few years have passed and the emotions are not as fresh and painful. Unfortunately I don't have pictures. I wasn't sure at the time whether or not to take pictures. I decided not to and was glad I didn't in the short term but now I regret my decision and wish I had them.

So as long as you have a hard or digital copy of these photos somewhere, you can always scrap them later - even 5 years from now - if you decide you want to.


Alex
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smcl
PeaAddict

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Posted: 1/7/2013 9:00:41 PM

I say Shred them
You have them save in the computer right?
Well shred those ones you printed give yourself sometime to forget the feud. Maybe next year you might want to scrap them .



I agree & say have fun shredding them! May be a bit childish, but harmless!


~Susan






SueSume
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Posted: 1/7/2013 10:32:52 PM
Well, time "wounds all heels", so give it some time...


(and I agree that selective shredding can be very good therapy )


*********Sue Who? *******


Reality is made up of words.-Ferdinando Buscema

Words are hard.-Hannah Kelly



NSBR: "We're like a big damn disfunctional family. We'll beat the crap out of each other, and it's ok, but dammit, if an outsider turns on one of ours, we circle the wagons." -Free~Bird
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EllenPea
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Posted: 1/7/2013 10:41:03 PM
I am sorry you are going through that. My BIL and SIL (DH's brother and sister) have had an ongoing feud since 2010, and we often feel caught in the middle. We weren't there, but Christmas was the first time my SIL had let my BIL come to her house since the disagreement. So, I think they are finally trying to make peace. I hope your family comes to that point too, and sooner.

It was awhile since we had seen them when the feud started, so any photos I have of them together (pre-feud), were already scrapped. In fact, I think the most recent of those are Christmas 2009, which was my FIL's last Christmas, so there is no way I would not have scrapped them, regardless of the circumstances. (We pretty much knew it was going to be his last though.)

If this Christmas was important to you or your kids, I'd scrap it. If you think 20 years from now when your grown kids are looking at this album they would not care one way or another about the absence of Christmas 2012 in the albums, then don't.



scrapmomto5
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Posted: 1/8/2013 12:01:55 AM
I am so sorry that happened to your family! I would put them away for now and if later you feel like scrapping them you can and if not you don't have to.

PennyPaws
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 1/8/2013 4:10:38 AM
Another vote for shredding them if you've got digital copies... I've had similar situations (Dad decided to loose it on my Mom for half an hour in my driveway before walking off home - 80 km, guessing he caught a ride, this Christmas) and if I leave the pictures around I end up feeling conflicted and guilty and then angry every time I see them... The fact that they exist makes me feel like there's some sort of expectation for me to hurry up and be okay with it and make a pretty LO of it... The mojo in my scrap room (and life) is better when they're cleared out and they 'exist' again when I choose to go back to them... Do what's best for you and don't feel bad if that happens to be tossing them... I'm sorry you guys are having drama going on and hope it gets resolved before too long...


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Cricutgirlg
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

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Posted: 1/8/2013 4:21:23 AM
I detach myself emotionally when I scrap and I scrap many people I dislike or have disagreements with very well. Its all about the picture for me, but if you can't detach right now, but them away and scrap the ones that make you smile.

keddypea
AncestralPea

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Posted: 1/8/2013 7:17:13 AM
Another vote for putting them away. I have a very hard time scrapping relationships that are not in a good place, so I don't. In time the feelings might not be quite so raw, but if looking a page with those photos on brings back all the bad feelings of the day would you really want to be reminded?

I do on occasion scrap bad things (my divorce, my father's illness/passing), but I knew that those situations would be therapeutic. If he pages aren't going to be therapeutic I don't scrap them. Too many photos so little time to waste pages on things I'm not inspired by.


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myboysnme
Living life on the left

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Posted: 1/8/2013 7:28:07 AM
I'm really surprised how many people say not to scrap them. It is a good illustration of how people have different motivations for scrapbooking.

I am one of the people who still scraps for recording history. If I someday made up with my FIL and MIL and they were looking at my albums and seeing they aren't there I would feel so bad.

But then, I do scrap the good and the bad. I scrap so my grandkids, of which I don't have any, and their kids, can see my life, and my kids' lives, and my Dh's life.

I am someone who scrapped a few pages of my first marriage, even though we didn't have any kids.

I also scrapped one Christmas when there was such a bad fight with my family that we left in a huff with all the bags of trash instead of the gifts, and drove home 5 hours. I put in some of the details of that; saying that sometimes families fight and that the holidays can be stressful. I journalled as though I was describing the pictures a few generations from now when the emotion of that long ago Christmas has become a vague memory.

But I do recognize many people scrap for other reasons. I was just struck by how many said to put the pics aside. Another reason I would do them is that kids do not need to get dragged in to adult dysfunction, and they love their grandparents, so for that reason alone I would scrap them.


My choice is to not take it personally - people have opinions. Particularly people here.-Peabay 12/29/11
I know this is assuming, but I'm really starting to think you are one of those "entitled" peas - Dalayney 4/2/12
When someone elects you Queen of Two Peas, then you can make the rules. - Sue_Pea 12/22/13
"Myboysnme,...I bow down to you, oh queen of the scrapping goodness" - Irish Eyes 3/9/14
"Myboysnme -- ... Whoa. I bow to thee." - Jill S 4/26/14









arelys1228
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Posted: 1/8/2013 7:45:03 AM
oh my so sorry


Love Peace Health and Happiness to you...Rosey

PEAcasso
PeaNut

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Posted: 1/8/2013 9:43:34 AM
Thanks Peas for your kind and supportive words. It has been a sad few days for my husband and I. We just keep thinking that from all the harsh and ugly words that were said to us that there is no way we could set ourselves or our kids up to be subjected to this again. And I seriously doubt those who said what they did will apologize.

Maybe I'll just scrap those I want and put the rest in a photobox. ugh!!!! Life has such trials along the journey. I know it makes us stronger, but seriously I can't imagine why people act the way they do sometimes.


Have a great day!
PEAcasso!


myboysnme
Living life on the left

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Posted: 1/8/2013 9:48:00 AM
Op, that is why I stopped travelling during the holidays. I don't know what it is about the holidays but in the push to make everything perfect people just lose their ever loving minds!

I get along much better with my family, and DH's family when my family stays home during those high stress holidays.


My choice is to not take it personally - people have opinions. Particularly people here.-Peabay 12/29/11
I know this is assuming, but I'm really starting to think you are one of those "entitled" peas - Dalayney 4/2/12
When someone elects you Queen of Two Peas, then you can make the rules. - Sue_Pea 12/22/13
"Myboysnme,...I bow down to you, oh queen of the scrapping goodness" - Irish Eyes 3/9/14
"Myboysnme -- ... Whoa. I bow to thee." - Jill S 4/26/14









RebekahW
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 1/8/2013 10:09:40 AM
I find burning to be great therapy! lol! BUT only if you have digi copies! The good thing is, at least in our family, feuds do not last forever. Both DH and I are divorced and his parents were married for 40 years and are now divorcing. He is one of 5 and every one has picked sides. Its rough. But no matter what they do/have done, they are part of our kids lives. I try to keep that in mind when scrapping.

BUT until you get to that point, break out the matches and feel free to laugh a little while the pics go up in smoke! LOL! .... I am not crazy, BTW!! Just have learned what helps me cope! Good luck!

Really Red
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Posted: 1/8/2013 10:19:33 AM
I am sorry that happened, and particularly over Christmas

One more vote for not putting them in. I have a LOT of ILs. Most of them I adore. One year, my SIL, BIL and AIL (aunt in law) were just ridiculously rude and mean to me, for literally no reason (apparently I did not buy enough wine for a picnic). I mean they said a lot of hurtful things. I scrapped them, but I added that this wasn't my favorite picnic and to this day I look at the pictures and feel sick about it.

I absolutely vote not to scrap them. Basically, look at it as their punishment. You deserve to see what you want to see in that picture.


Andrea

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; But often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
Helen Keller

scrappyesq
BucketHead

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Posted: 1/8/2013 10:19:57 AM
I'm sorry that you and your DH had to go through so much trauma during the holidays. I think the idea of putting away the prints until later is a good one.

Recently my sil and her boyfriend (of 7 years) had a huge bday party for my dh. I took a million pictures of the party and all of the kids they had between them. Two weeks later they broke up. I have prints of all the photos. Even though my situation is not exactly like yours I understand how it feels to be torn about scrapping certain photos.

aJerseyGirl
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Posted: 1/8/2013 11:03:38 AM
I wouldn't scrap them either. Sure, life is not all roses, but when I want a pick me up, I look through one of my albums. I don't want them to bring me down. I really don't want to have negative feelings about my scrapbooks. If I scrapped photos like that, I would probably avoid looking at the album they are in.

I don't think anyone should feel like just because you scrap the good, you have to scrap the bad. Would people say that about displaying photos in frames in your house? Probably not. Most people display photos that make them feel good when they look at them.


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roseredd
BucketHead

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Posted: 1/8/2013 2:03:24 PM
My SIL announced she wanted a divorce the day after my nephew's graduation after 20+ years of marriage. So I have these family pics with her in them of his graduation. I decided to go ahead and scrap them. She's been in the family a while. I can't X her out of our lives.

MXJSmith
PeaAddict

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Posted: 1/9/2013 2:18:33 PM
A similar thing happened to me. I will be scrapping pics of my kids, but not my IL's. And I think that's fine! They are in other pictures/pages, so it's not like they don't exist anywhere in my photo record.

woodysbetty
BucketHead

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Posted: 1/9/2013 2:50:40 PM
Ahhh families.......if you need release, journal your feelings and put the photos and your thoughts in an envelope......gives you an outlet, saves the photos and may give you a good laugh after the rift is healed!! Peace....


Marybeth

Maryland
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Posted: 1/9/2013 3:01:23 PM
I would save them for another time. They are the kids grandparents, so they should be included. I include both sides of the family in my kids scrapbooks. Of course I am closer to my family, but the kids are part of both families and I want both represented. The holidays seem to bring out the worst in some people, so hopefully things will calm down. Maybe your fil was going through a hard time and that's why he was acting so mean.
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