what do you do with family pix with your ex in t
Post ReplyPost New TopicPosted 1/28/2013 by arelys1228 in General Scrappin'
 

arelys1228
AncestralPea

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Posted: 1/28/2013 10:16:14 AM
i have been divorced since 2001 so i have yet to start scrapping my daughters baby and pre teen pix because he is in most of them
help!!!
ps i started scrapbooking when i got divorced and she was a teenager


Love Peace Health and Happiness to you...Rosey

smcl
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Posted: 1/28/2013 10:29:15 AM
When possible - cut him out - or embellish over!

Ohhhh...would use minimal photos but b/c it is her baby album have a few...then you could have have an envelope in the back cover for more, for her...

ETA: Wanted to add I was kidding about cropping out, embellishing over, that was why I winked!


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shimelle
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Posted: 1/28/2013 10:33:33 AM
I can only comment on this as the perspective of the child with the divorced parents rather than a parent. I have no contact with my father at all, and I have about three photographs from very early days that include him.

When I was a teenager, it probably would have made me mad to see those pictures at all. Teenage angst and all that meant I was not really very peaceful about the situation at all.

As an adult, I have not scrapbooked them but I have kept them safely thinking at some point I might want to scrapbook them. If I do have children, that would be the only way to see what features follow down the family tree, for example. They don't make me mad or sad any more - they are just a picture of things that happened really! The only reason I haven't scrapbooked them is that I haven't stumbled upon the right way to tell the story just yet, and it's not a story that is a huge priority to me. I know many scrappers start with their family tree, but I often joke that if I started there I never would have kept scrapping as no one made patterned paper that looked like a tree with a bunch of branches chopped off!

So my best advice would be to keep your daughter in mind: if she is on good terms with him, include those pictures. If she is not and you think or know she will react badly to them, leave them out for now. Don't be afraid to ask her. And don't scrapbook anything that makes you miserable or angry either! And whatever the answer, keep those pictures safely stored somewhere as things may change as she grows up and if they stay in a file folder tucked away forever, it won't do much harm - if she decides at thirty she really wonders what her family looked like as a baby and he's been cropped out of every photo, then that's far more complicated.

Good luck!


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Posted: 1/28/2013 10:34:39 AM
I don't try to cut him out or cover him up. My albums will be my son's and I just can't see doing that. You don't have to journal like you are still married. You can journal in past tense.


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arelys1228
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Posted: 1/28/2013 10:39:43 AM
thnk you for your answers

at shimmele i too are from divorced parents from the age of 5

bianca did not have a relationship with him while in highschool so i got the angry teenager but he did come back to her life when she graduated and presently
she is daddy's girl
i guess its just hard to scrap happy memories of us when i dont have those feelings
so i may just have to keep the photos in a nice box (as it is now) and give them to her but dam i have so many kits and childlike embellies and stickers for thi project - ugh
i guess i shld wait until im in a happy mood and now a weepy or upset mood
she likes my scrapbook but she knows that we dont speak of him at all unless SHE initiates it

one thing good out of this is that i started a "sister" album he has remarried and she has twin half sisters




Love Peace Health and Happiness to you...Rosey

dalia1024
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Posted: 1/28/2013 12:25:38 PM
i have been divorced for 10 years and i have tons of family photos including my wedding pictures .. i started scrappin 3 years ago and im doing my wedding album now Pl style so i could give to my kids 22 & 13 so when they have kids of their own they could show who grandma and granpa are. those pictures are memories and events of our life that happened even though that it didn't have a happy ending but i feel that my kids would love to have those memories of their parents. regarding if we divorced or not... and he has always been there for them. my two cents good luck with your decision..




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scrapbookinglife
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Posted: 1/28/2013 12:34:17 PM
Here's what I did... I went thru the pictures and made two piles. One of just me kids in them and another that had him in it. I put the last set in a box. The other set I scrapbooked . This way I have the memories I want to record done and the not so great ones in a box for my kids when they are grown.
No one says we have to scrapbook pictures. A nice box is perfect.


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Jjmikrut143
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Posted: 1/28/2013 12:37:24 PM
IMO if he's your daughters father & you have a decent relationship meaning you don't wanna hurt him every time you see him lol then leave him in the pictures! I know it can feel weird because your no longer together but after all he was apart of your life at some point and if he is your daughters father then I would think it would be ok! But if you can't stand him or he's not a big part of your daughters life then crop him out! Lol


Jennifer

mebarnet
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Posted: 1/28/2013 12:45:53 PM
On occasion, I will put one of the photos into my scrapbook if there isn't a way I can remove him without either ruining the photo or not using it at all. Sometimes, the overall memory is worth more to me than whether or not he is in the photo.

All of my wedding photos and other photos that I have accumulated over the years I have saved for my kids. I'm sure they would want them some day. He is a good dad, just was a crappy husband. Its not their fault.



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EllenPea
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Posted: 1/28/2013 12:54:01 PM
It really does depend on your daughter's perspective. Shimelle's father's involvement in her life is probably near one end. The relationship my DH and his ex-wife have with each other and their 30 and 32-year-old children is almost completely the other end. We spent Christmas with his XW because that's what their daughter wanted, both parents and her stepmom together with her and her family for Christmas. The only reason I say "almost" is because we live far away from the XW. If she lived closer, we probably would hang out with her separate from the kids. DH and XW got along for the sake of the kids always, but it has improved over the years, especially in the last three years since her DH died.

I also have an ex-H, but we had no kids so I haven't seen him since our dog died in 2000. (We split in 1997.) However, I don't hate him. So I scrapbooked the photos we had from our eight years together just because I don't hate THOSE memories. Most of my photos from then were about traveling, so I journaled about wanting to go to these places again without him. Some were photos of or in our house, which we lost in a foreclosure after the divorce. We both subsequently moved to more expensive areas to live, so we both own smaller homes now (at least I do, and I assume he still does.) So I've done pages about the old house, and compared them to living in this house in a nicer place and healthier relationship.



leftturnonly
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Posted: 1/28/2013 12:56:51 PM

i guess its just hard to scrap happy memories of us when i dont have those feelings
so i may just have to keep the photos in a nice box (as it is now) and give them to her but dam i have so many kits and childlike embellies and stickers for thi project - ugh
i guess i shld wait until im in a happy mood and now a weepy or upset mood
she likes my scrapbook but she knows that we dont speak of him at all unless SHE initiates it

one thing good out of this is that i started a "sister" album he has remarried and she has twin half sisters



If you have pictures that he's in that you want to sb for you, maybe you can make copies of the photos and either crop him out or let the embellishments roll right over him on your layout. There's nothing wrong with that. You made happy memories with your child, and that smile on her face at the zoo might be great fun to scrapbook. Heck, you could even paint or ink right over him, or if he's standing between you, cut the photo and in several places and throw him in the trash.




Save the copies with him in them for your daughter. Someday, she may have a family and those pictures will mean something completely different to her children than they do to either you or her. They won't have the emotions connected to the photos that you do.






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arelys1228
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Posted: 1/28/2013 12:58:02 PM
very great idea to do 2 piles
i also think scrapbooking her "early life" wld be easier then when she was pre-teen
thanks for all the suggestions -
cant wait to read how others feel


Love Peace Health and Happiness to you...Rosey

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Posted: 1/28/2013 1:34:20 PM
scrap them with the facts. Who, what, when, where, why. Whatever is applicable.

You don't have to have a happy story to say this is who's in the pictures, what we were doing, and when we were doing it.

I have a few pictures that have a very close relative in them. I still scrap them even though there is no love lost there for me and I have nothing to do with said person. I got rid of the FB account in which we had mutual friends (relatives) and seeing his posts gave me a physiological reaction. But the pictures are a snapshot of my history and so they stay.
However, I have done one layout with a group pic that says Family the ties that bind...and gag.


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