Do you think it's ok to have a crush on a person who is married?

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Posted 2/25/2011 by SillygirlIknow in NSBR Board
 

shescrafty2
PeaFixture

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Posted: 2/25/2011 10:23:29 AM
I say in light of your other post you may need to sit down and have a good long look at your marriage and needs, and talk to your husband about things that you may be feeling conflicted about.


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SmartyPants71
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Posted: 2/25/2011 10:24:31 AM
I would not be cool if I found out SO had a crush on someone else.
It is a slippery slope.

Luvspaper
AncestralPea

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Posted: 2/25/2011 10:29:50 AM
No, I don't think it is okay, because I would not want DH doing that to me.....and speaking from experience it truly hurts. It's NOT just fun and games. You aren't in Middle School anymore.

I agree that you are on a slippery slope and need to focus back on your own marriage -- no matter how good/solid you think it is. Because truly you are focusing way too much on this attorney. Which leads me to think something IS lacking in your marriage. I understand that he is causing your self esteem to go up and you are getting a rush/high from this situation. Probably haven't gotten that from DH in a while, huh? Try to step back and see that....and work on it with DH...Take HIM a bottle of wine!

mistysmere
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Posted: 2/25/2011 10:30:09 AM
It's one thing to admire/have a crush on someone. But only if you would feeling comfortable telling your spouse about that crush. If you have feelings about someone that you wouldn't feel comfortable sharing with your spouse, that it's pretty safe guess that the crush isn't a good thing and you need to back up.

Kerry

Carolina Girl 71
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Posted: 2/25/2011 10:31:21 AM
I think there is a big difference between admiration and a crush. To admire someone - to appreciate them and respect them is fine. To have a crush, to me, implies some level of sexual feelings (whether acted on or not) and that is not a positive thing for your marriage. I would make an exception for movie stars, singers, or people in the public eye that you have no personal contact with. A crush with a personal relationship is a huge problem waiting to happen. Whether it becomes a problem or not depends on how you handle it. I'd say "nip it in the bud - now!"


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~Lindy~
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Posted: 2/25/2011 10:35:23 AM
You mean is it ok for a married woman to get giggly over another man whom she is in contact with? To daydream what it would be like to be kissed by him or to be intimate with him? To put some emotional time and energy into another person who is not your spouse?

My answer is no, it's not OK.


-Lindy

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MaryMux
BucketHead

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Posted: 2/25/2011 10:35:24 AM
It is not a big jump from crush to affair. It is a lot of little things in between that you try to explain away or justify.

If you care for your marriage don't even entertain thoughts. That's all there is to it.

Luvnlifelady
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Posted: 2/25/2011 10:35:27 AM
I read your other post and I do not recommend you go out to dinner. It's too risky.

To answer your OP-I think it's fine to have a crush on someone you do not interact with regularly. DH knows I have a crush on the guy down the street...no biggie.

I did have issues when I thought his assistant at work was crushing on him though. I never told him I was concerned, but it did bother me.

If it's someone you see or someone from your "circle," then I think it's a bad idea.



PeanutPattie

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Posted: 2/25/2011 10:37:50 AM
NO it's not okay


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JoyfulJourney
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Posted: 2/25/2011 10:38:49 AM

It's one thing to admire/have a crush on someone. But only if you would feeling comfortable telling your spouse about that crush. If you have feelings about someone that you wouldn't feel comfortable sharing with your spouse, that it's pretty safe guess that the crush isn't a good thing and you need to back up.



This.

cocoanmom
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 2/25/2011 10:45:33 AM
If I had a crush I would not tell my DH. Why make him even think a moment about it. Worry.
I would not see this person either to put me in a situation that could turn bad.

Is it normal to be flattered like your last post and feel some butterflies? Sure. But it is a slippery slope if you keep having contact.

I can crush on the local butcher because he is nice and smiles at me when I am in. But once I walk out the door it is over. KWIM? I don't think about him all day. I dont keep going there to seek him out.

Married or not for him...I am married. I would not do anything to mess up my marriage.



momofacpsjmae
BucketHead

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Posted: 2/25/2011 10:48:08 AM
N.O.

'nuf said on that.





Michelle

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Posted: 2/25/2011 10:50:12 AM
In light of your other post, I'm not surprised to see this one.

No, it is not okay to have a crush on someone who is married. And it's not ok if you're married, either.

(I'm not talking the "crush" we laugh about having on a television or movie star, etc)

It almost sounds like to me that you are looking for us to say it's okay -- okay to have a crush, okay to go out to dinner (you said something like "So you're saying I shouldn't . . .).

Honestly, I think your marriage is already in trouble. I'm sorry. You need to decide what you really want, and if you want to pursue this crush or flirt around with other guys, do the decent thing and get a divorce first. Do NOT cheat on your husband -- not physically and not emotionally.

It's not right.



OLW 2012 == authentic



hosschick
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Posted: 2/25/2011 10:50:40 AM

You mean is it ok for a married woman to get giggly over another man whom she is in contact with? To daydream what it would be like to be kissed by him or to be intimate with him? To put some emotional time and energy into another person who is not your spouse?

My answer is no, it's not OK.



This. There's a world of difference between your situation and, say, having a crush on Brad Pitt.

Having read your other post , you're either desperately seeking permission to play with fire, begging someone to hand you a match, or you're trolling.


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moveablefeast
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Posted: 2/25/2011 10:52:41 AM
Deleted my thoughts due to suspicion that this post is bogus.

Sorry if it isn't bogus. I have experience with this, and I'll discuss it with anyone who wants to PM me.

Miss Kris
BucketHead

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Posted: 2/25/2011 10:53:07 AM
I think this thread as well as the other one is B.S.

Dalai Mama
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Posted: 2/25/2011 11:08:17 AM
Is it wrong to have a crush on a person who is married? No, but keep it to yourself.

Is it wrong to have a crush on a person when you are married? I'm not going to say that it's okay, but honestly, I keep my judgement to myself unless you act on those feelings.


Jo Mama

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peasful1
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Posted: 2/25/2011 11:08:27 AM
Grow up.


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lucyg819
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Posted: 2/25/2011 11:34:35 AM
You wouldn't happen to be a newlywed pea, would you?


LUCYG
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*elaine*
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Posted: 2/25/2011 11:43:02 AM
To follow up on Lucy's question, was your wedding in Vegas?


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Elaine

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BeckyTech
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Posted: 2/25/2011 11:59:51 AM

You wouldn't happen to be a newlywed pea, would you?
Ah, Lucy, good call.

I noticed that when the other thread died out, the "facts" changed so it could be revived. And bumped. Suddenly the "last meeting" wasn't the last meeting at all. And she kept asking the same question over and over. And received the same answer over and over.

Annie, I hope you don't let your marriage spiral out of control because of some "crush".

SmartyPants71
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Posted: 2/25/2011 12:01:32 PM

There is really is no lack of ugly on this board, huh? Bunch of women who have nothing but a lot of time on their hands. Who also happen to be the most righteous women in the world.

You came here asking for an opinion and we all gave you input that you don't like. Now we are all self-righteous because we think having a crush on a married person is wrong? That's rich.

PlaidFruit
In a world of spheres

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Posted: 2/25/2011 12:04:31 PM
In light of your last post, I'll preface my comment by noting that I cheated on my ex-h. No righteousness here. It was a big, huge mistake that I can't take back but that I learned from.

It's natural to be attracted to more than one person. That doesn't go away just because you're married. It's inappropriate to act on it. It's not ok to flirt with your lawyer (or anyone else) in a way that you wouldn't behave around his spouse or your own. And it isn't ok that he's shown feelings towards you and you're not using that as the opportunity to let him know that it's unacceptable.

But then again you didn't really post hoping that people would tell you it's not ok.

sharonko6
PeaNut

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Posted: 2/25/2011 7:29:27 PM
i say that going to dinner with someone you have a crush is called a DATE - so NO

scrapmaven
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Posted: 2/25/2011 8:55:40 PM
If you are the person whom I think you are then this advice is for you. You are starting a new life and it's time to leave all drama in the past. You're still gearing up for the next drama fest and you have the power to stop it now. That means not entertaining this even for one milisecond. You have children, step sons and a husband. Your life is full and it's about finding a way to accept what you have and honor it.


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