| |
Euro/Scrapper
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 19,344
August 2001
Posts: 6,028
Layouts: 423
Loc: Where the Military Sends Us.. :)
 |  Posted: 9/26/2011 10:53:43 PM
Our coach is a nice man, he's a Christian, he loves kids, he's good with people. HOWEVER...he's not the best coach.
The majority of our players are first year players 7-8 yrs. old. Our coach is scaring them half to death with his own aggression. He's constantly on them, screaming in their faces and hardly ever gives them any kind words.
1st game they lost, and I thought he was going to lose his mind. My son is the quarterback and at one point I felt physically sick to my stomach because he was screaming at him so much on EVERY SINGLE PLAY. This was my son's first game EVER.
2nd game coach was out of town and the asst. coach filled in. He's a gentle man; very quite. We won. My son alone made 3 touch downs and and 3 sacs. He got hurt and had to be carried off the field. 10 minutes later got back in the game and finished out the game making the last touchdown.
SOOOO....Tonight. coach is back in town. He spends no time congrtulating the kids but plenty of time telling them that we got a threatening letter from the other team saying how they are going to smear us in the next game. Said how our Quarterback sucks, he can't run and the 3 TD's he made were pure luck. Said our Defense is lame and has no clue where the holes are that our Offense is a joke and went on and on about how they are going to hit us in hard in the backs, and do to them what we did to the team we beat.
NOW....I'm PISSED!!!! First of all, EVEN if the letter is real; which I doubt! How could you read that to a group of 7/8 year old's who just won their first game just a few days ago. How could you personally attack certain children and tell them they SUCK after they were the ones who made the points? How could you attack your team like that? They are just little kids. First year players...little kids!
I'm so angry and confused at this behavior. I am the team mom on top of everything! Up til now he and I have had a good football relationship. This is all I know of him. (never knew him before now)
So what is a mom to do? I'm very upset. Am I over reacting? How would you feel? |
Kym
A True Nikonian & Appler User
| |
|
|
Nightowl scrapper
Intl Assoc of Epic Length Posters - USA Chapter
PeaNut 103,889
August 2003
Posts: 24,976
Layouts: 0
Loc: Colorado
 | Posted: 9/26/2011 10:59:51 PM
A man who screams and berates 7-8 yos is NOT 'a nice man', 'good with people' and does not 'love kids'. He's a bully and belongs nowhere NEAR young children.
Your child and others are in a situation that is more than they can or should handle at their age. You need to take care of business, tell him this is not the way to treat children. PLEASE tell me you are not the only parent noticing this. Gather a group of parents and sit down without the kids and tell him this behavior has to stop.
If it doesn't stop, you need to pull out of the team and resign as team mom. If that's too scary, then go to whoever heads up the league and talk to him/her. No way would I leave my child in that sort of situation. NO WAY!
Yes, I know coaching is a thankless job. But it would be better to disband the team then to teach them that they have to put up with a bullying adult to play their sport. |
"Until you put a thought into words, clearly and precisely, it is not a thought at all. It is a kind of fog rolling around inside the skull."
| |
|
|
Euro/Scrapper
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 19,344
August 2001
Posts: 6,028
Layouts: 423
Loc: Where the Military Sends Us.. :)
| Posted: 9/26/2011 11:08:01 PM
Big Sigh...I Know. You're right.
Let me say...he's nice to me. He's nice to the kids one on one. He wants to be nice, but he gets so worked up when he's coaching. Once he calms down and he's not in the heat of the moment of coaching he's okay. I really don't know him outside of football.
That said, when I got home tonight, we were eating dinner and my son told me about the "letter" I literally starting crying. I couldn't understand how an adult could tell a group of kids nasty things like that.
I'm reeeeeally upset and I want to pull my son, and he almost wants to quit because of the coach but he's loving the game and has wanted to play for a year and here is star player the first year.
He asked me..."Mom, tell Coach to trade me" LOL |
Kym
A True Nikonian & Appler User
| |
|
|
taysmommy
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 61,896
January 2003
Posts: 2,185
Layouts: 53
 | Posted: 9/26/2011 11:09:31 PM
I agree with Nightowl. No way should that man be coaching a group of 7/8 year olds.
My son would no longer be on this mans team. Period. |
|
|
PEAcan pie
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 184,360
January 2005
Posts: 5,688
Layouts: 41
Loc: On a lake listening to Bob marley
 | Posted: 9/26/2011 11:10:56 PM
Interestingly, my dh commented after our ds football game on Sat. He said the other teams coach was awful to the kids.
He could not believe the things the coach was saying to the kids. Do you live in Mi. It is the same age group.
I would be talking to the league regarding his behavior. That letter comment is over the top. |
|
|
Euro/Scrapper
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 19,344
August 2001
Posts: 6,028
Layouts: 423
Loc: Where the Military Sends Us.. :)
| Posted: 9/26/2011 11:11:40 PM
What do I do?
I've never been a quitter or do I let my kids quit once they start a sport. I just don't know what to do.
|
Kym
A True Nikonian & Appler User
| |
|
|
babybeansmom
gimme a diet coke and nobody gets hurt!
PeaNut 218,205
August 2005
Posts: 6,184
Layouts: 3
Loc: vacuuming....again!
 | Posted: 9/26/2011 11:15:22 PM
As parents you need to talk to the coach -- or have the asst do it -- and let him know what that you are observing is unacceptable. And that as a group you all agree it needs to stop. NOW. Maybe it's easier to talk to the asst coach first - he sounds like he may be easier to approach.
If his behavior doesn't change after he is made aware of the problem, then you to to whomever is above him.
That is ridiculous, and I say that not only as a parent but as a coach, too. | |
|
Euro/Scrapper
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 19,344
August 2001
Posts: 6,028
Layouts: 423
Loc: Where the Military Sends Us.. :)
| Posted: 9/26/2011 11:15:51 PM
No, we're down south.
I have talked to one other parent about the letter and she said she wants the letter issue to be brought up to the league. But she's under the feeling that the other team really wrote it. I think that it's a crock.
She said she wants the league to know what the other team is doing and see if they condone this kind of behavior.
I guess doing it that way would bring the truth to the surface. |
Kym
A True Nikonian & Appler User
| |
|
|
thewrightway
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 233,586
November 2005
Posts: 5,206
Layouts: 0
Loc: Mayberry
| Posted: 9/26/2011 11:20:18 PM
This is a good time to let your kid know that other people handle themselves differently.
You've probably got just a few more games right - usually youth is 8 games and here we're on week 5.
I'd just have him suck it up.
What do the parents say? Is this just you being upset or are others upset too? If they are upset as well perhaps a meeting is needed or maybe other dads need to step up and be on the sidelines.
Also does the youth organization have a code of conduct? Ours is very strict and includes parents who yell out as well. |
|
|
Legacy Girl
PeaFixture
PeaNut 299,733
February 2007
Posts: 3,393
Layouts: 5
 | Posted: 9/26/2011 11:22:09 PM
Our coach is a nice man, he's a Christian, he loves kids, he's good with people.
Hmmmm....well, I don't know him, so I can't say for sure, but I'd have some serious doubts about the above statements, given the information that follows in your post.
No child should have to put up with that kind of behavior from an adult. I would think a visit from a league administrator, who could quietly attend the next practice and/or game to see first-hand how he is behaving, would be enough to start a change in motion. I would tell the administrator that I believe he needs to change his approach. If he is unable/unwilling to do so, he needs to step down from coaching the team. And if the league is unwilling to make that change, then I would ask that my child be transferred to another team whose coach has the ability to keep in perspective the fact that he's coaching seven- and eight-year-olds and NOT the NFL. |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I want to leave a legacy; how will they remember me? Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough to make a mark on things? I want to leave an offering. A child of mercy and grace, who blessed Your name unapologetically, and leave that kind of legacy." ~Nichole Nordeman | |
|
|
Nightowl scrapper
Intl Assoc of Epic Length Posters - USA Chapter
PeaNut 103,889
August 2003
Posts: 24,976
Layouts: 0
Loc: Colorado
| Posted: 9/26/2011 11:25:05 PM
This is a good time to let your kid know that other people handle themselves differently.
You've probably got just a few more games right - usually youth is 8 games and here we're on week 5.
I'd just have him suck it up.
really? and then next year this idiot is inflicted on a new group of kids? that's a GREAT plan. 
I guess if a teacher throws a book at a student, it's a good lesson that other people handle themselves differently. Especially if he/she does it sorta near the end of school anyway.
This is abusive behavior! You don't use it as a teachable moment to be tolerant of the abuser! You use it as a teachable moment that parents do not allow other adults to abuse their children.  |
"Until you put a thought into words, clearly and precisely, it is not a thought at all. It is a kind of fog rolling around inside the skull."
| |
|
|
Euro/Scrapper
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 19,344
August 2001
Posts: 6,028
Layouts: 423
Loc: Where the Military Sends Us.. :)
| Posted: 9/26/2011 11:26:48 PM
Oh and as far as him screaming during the first game, the coach for the other team was screaming just as much. Although he did spread out his hostility for all his players, whereas on our team my son got most of it since he has two prime positions.
So maybe on this league this is normal. I think next year we might skip this league. You would think not; it's an extension of to our state 4 year college. It's a Junior Pro League. ????????
AND...he promised the kids stickers for special plays but since he wasn't there on game day said he would give them to them today. He didn't. And he acted like them winning was no big deal. Okay...now I'm getting even more upset. I need to go sleep on this.  |
Kym
A True Nikonian & Appler User
| |
|
|
babybeansmom
gimme a diet coke and nobody gets hurt!
PeaNut 218,205
August 2005
Posts: 6,184
Layouts: 3
Loc: vacuuming....again!
| Posted: 9/26/2011 11:29:38 PM
suck it up? really?
WOW.
And I don't really think it matters if you are 7 years old playing your FIRST game or you are in high school. Just because you are coaching football doesn't give one the right to be an ass and scream and degrade kids. Try it with your own kids. See how they turn out.
Glad you're not my mom with the comments you are leaving tonight. | |
|
megmc
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 497,090
January 2011
Posts: 5,115
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 9/26/2011 11:32:09 PM
first find another dad on your team who will take over as coach...and then go to the board and tell them you want him gone.
I had a coach who started using foul language with my team...I didn't know that he was or I would have gone to the board.
good luck. | |
|
thewrightway
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 233,586
November 2005
Posts: 5,206
Layouts: 0
Loc: Mayberry
| Posted: 9/26/2011 11:35:43 PM
I did follow up and ask if other parents were upset. To have other parents be involved on the sidelines and asked if there was a code of conduct.
If the other coach from another team was acting the same way then the PROGRAM has an issue...not just this coach. So OP you should go to your LEAGUE and complain with the other parents - and perhaps ask the parents from the other team to complain as well and perhaps boycott the next game till the behavior changes.
Of course you don't need us to tell you that if you feel this is abusive behavior then of course you would protect your child and not have him attend practice/games and withdraw him and get a refund. |
|
|
Euro/Scrapper
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 19,344
August 2001
Posts: 6,028
Layouts: 423
Loc: Where the Military Sends Us.. :)
| Posted: 9/26/2011 11:40:34 PM
I'm just going to add that several of the other parents (moms and dads) are feeling the same way I am. We are only into our 2nd game, We've got 6 more games plus play offs which I doubt we'll make because he continually tells the kids that they suck.
So...I'm sure I will hear all about the letter tomorrow from parents as it only happened tonight. But if anyone else feels as sick as I do, I feel like we might lose some players.
My husband was going to talk to him tonight but had a meeting that ran late and didn't make it to practice, but was equally upset about the letter and what he said to the kids.
We are upset enough to pull him I do feel or at least to "DO SOMETHING".
I just needed to talk to someone tonight to make sure I wasn't over reacting. I'm sure you all know that goes.
Just needed a PMS/REALITY check. : -) |
Kym
A True Nikonian & Appler User
| |
|
|
thewrightway
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 233,586
November 2005
Posts: 5,206
Layouts: 0
Loc: Mayberry
| Posted: 9/26/2011 11:44:44 PM
Sounds like you should speak to the league and have others complain en masse. Will other parents step up to coach or did they need to have coach training? If your league has coaches training then you may need to get them involved as well as obviously it isn't sticking.
Perhaps your team can be disbanded and the boys reassigned to other teams for the remainder of the season. |
|
|
doesitmatterincline
AncestralPea
PeaNut 509,811
May 2011
Posts: 4,894
Layouts: 27
| Posted: 9/26/2011 11:51:47 PM
I have 3 football playing boys, the youngest is 15 now so I have seen some team/coach/mama drama and I am SPEECHLESS.
It won't be easy or fun, but you and the other parents need to step in and let this coach know his behavior is not okay and wont be tolerated. I know he is a volunteer, and all of that - as are you as team mom (btdt - talk about thankless job huh? lol) but these are young children and this is not okay.
We had a friend who seemed nice and great with kids etc and then one year he helped coach our football team. I won't get into specifics but I was shocked at how something like a sport could change someone - the way he treated players, parents, volunteers. There was even a physical alteration with a player's dad after coach crossed the line, and my dh outright told him that he was out of line and that he would not be doing "that" to our son. (dh is a big guy and pretty convincing, but I didn't like the situation even went "there". period.) Coach was suspended but allowed back, so much tension after the whole scenario....
Wasn't our favorite year. Off the field the coach was the same as always, but I had lost all respect for him - it was really that bad. Then football ended, baseball started, and I was surprised that the ball league (all his friends) allowed him to coach or that parents would let their kids be on his team. Most had the attitude of "well he wouldn't pull that with my kid...blah blah".
I just went up to him and said "Brian, I have always loved you as a friend, but DO NOT DRAFT Z for your team" - he kinda laughed and I said, " I have always liked you off the filed, but you you wont ever coach my son again". And he hasn't.I didn't play favorites ask for a particular coach - we had 15 teams that year, I just asked him NOT to draft my son, didn't care who did really. Z is a pitcher so he was 1st round draft pick and snapped up before Brian's turn, but I think he knew I would pull him off the team if he had.
I am not a drama mama, I don't ask for special accommodations for "precious Billy" but I wont allow any of my kids to be abused. Coaches want respect, then give respect, and you will get it. I have spent nearly as many hours on the fields with players, helping with fundraisers, as team mom, on league boards, etc, as coaches, maybe more some years and so not a lot gets me riled up. But sometimes volunteers need to be trained better or fired, especially when it involves young children.
I would start with him one to one and explain that "Billy performs best with encouragement and praise, as do most children and that they tend to 'shut down' when intimated or belittled..." I would see if he even acknowledges he has a problem. I have seen some coaches go off a little - not to this extent though, and then come back and tell the kids they messed up, were wrong, sorry etc and start anew. But with kids you had better be be sorry and mean it and not do it again or the trust is lost forever. If he doesn't even acknowledge the problem, or that he was wrong, then he will have to go ASAP. | |
|
Nightowl scrapper
Intl Assoc of Epic Length Posters - USA Chapter
PeaNut 103,889
August 2003
Posts: 24,976
Layouts: 0
Loc: Colorado
| Posted: 9/26/2011 11:54:32 PM
No, you are not overreacting. Yes you need to do something. If your dh is willing to confront the coach, then by all means he should do it right away; no waiting for the next practice or whatever. If he's supposedly a Christian, and you are as well, then the biblical way is for your dh or dh & you together, go to him and tell him he's way over the line and you are giving him an opportunity to apologize and change his ways, or he won't have a team to coach, because the next step is to request the league either remove him, reassign the kids, or refund your money.
Doing nothing or waiting for someone else to step up and solve this would not be an option for me. I could NOT allow someone to tear down my child for any reason, much less a SPORT. |
"Until you put a thought into words, clearly and precisely, it is not a thought at all. It is a kind of fog rolling around inside the skull."
| |
|
|
thewrightway
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 233,586
November 2005
Posts: 5,206
Layouts: 0
Loc: Mayberry
| Posted: 9/26/2011 11:56:20 PM
AND...he promised the kids stickers for special plays but since he wasn't there on game day said he would give them to them today. He didn't.
These will come from your president of the league and if he hasn't received them yet/ordered them/handed them out or if your coach hasn't gotten his sheet of stickers he has none to give out. |
|
|
*Leslie*
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 33,199
March 2002
Posts: 8,124
Layouts: 15
Loc: Southern California
| Posted: 9/26/2011 11:57:36 PM
The letter sounds totally bogus. If there's truly a letter like that then it should be given to the governing body of the organization. I would call him on it to see what he says.
As a mom I would be upset but sometimes on matters like these I defer to my DH, (I know not very feminist of me), but I didn't play on sports teams growing up so I wouldn't know if something like this is normal. (I danced and my ballet teacher could be pretty brutal actually). What does your DH think?
|
|
|
princesspaperlover
PeaAddict
PeaNut 361,297
February 2008
Posts: 1,509
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 9/27/2011 1:14:49 AM
That's the football mentality....sorry, but my DS played one year and I could see that there would not be a second year. He's played baseball ever since... Not that there's no drama there, but something about football that really brings out some crazy! Just my experience and opinion. Anyway, I was shocked to see this kind of drama at the 7-8 year old level! Imagine when they're 14!!!! | |
|
gotcreativity
To Boldly Go Where No Pea Has Gone Before
PeaNut 141,330
April 2004
Posts: 8,814
Layouts: 5
Loc: Destination Imagination Global Finals
| |
PhotoHorse
PeaFixture
PeaNut 66,309
February 2003
Posts: 3,141
Layouts: 13
Loc: Central Iowa
| Posted: 9/27/2011 7:04:32 AM
Video tape his behavior and send it to someone in charge of your league. Send a copy of it to him so he can see how he behaves. Someone did that to one of our hs basketball coaches and he changed his behavior (had been ranting and raving and pacing and throwing his clipboard, etc). | |
|
writermom1
Thrift Whisperer
PeaNut 114,407
November 2003
Posts: 22,401
Layouts: 66
Loc: At the intersection of Hooterville and Stars Hollow
| Posted: 9/27/2011 7:42:27 AM
I believe when situations arise in our "pee wee league" they are handled with the Board that oversees that league.
Board members are invited to make an unannounced secret visit to the fields and if they see what they don't want to see, can address that.
|
|
|
WillowJane
Running the Marathon, Not the Sprint
PeaNut 110,589
October 2003
Posts: 6,600
Layouts: 8
Loc: Texas
| Posted: 9/27/2011 8:20:53 AM
There would be no "suck it up" with this type of situation. No one, Christian or otherwise, should be allowed to treat kids like that.
You know what to do. |
|
|
Euro/Scrapper
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 19,344
August 2001
Posts: 6,028
Layouts: 423
Loc: Where the Military Sends Us.. :)
| Posted: 9/27/2011 8:24:12 AM
So I've had time to sleep on it, read through everyone's posts, and talk to my husband again.
Unfortunately this whole thing falls onto my shoulders because my husband will not be able to attend todays practice and I do not think that this can go without being addressed.
I would have liked to have my husband talk to him; possibly with a few other dads, but....so this is my life most of the time anyway.
I am going to ask him to produce the letter for me to take to the board, if he can not do so I will go from there addressing his brash behavior letting him know that it's concerning to myself and other parents.
The first year of any sport is the most formative and the coaches play such an important roll. They can mold the kids and breaking them down in any way in my eyes is NOT the way to do it.
So wish me luck and I'll let you know how it goes.
Thanks for all the advice. : )
P.S. TheRightWay...The stickers are a personal thing that the coach is doing on his own. He's never really explained a guideline for them. After the first game (they lost) he asked the kids "Who feels like they deserve a sticker?" Several kids raised their hands and he told them.... "Well, out of all of you, ONLY two of you deserve one."
The second game he wasn't there so over the phone, he said I'll give stickers Monday at practice. The coach that was there told them everyone did so good you're all getting one.
So at practice, NO-ONE got one, but my son and he gave my son his in private on the sly and he said.."here, you made three touchdowns to I'll give you TWO". ?????? WHAT?????? When I saw him pulling them out I said no...wait until everyone gets them but he handed them to my son and I wasn't going to take them away at that point, but that's not fair to the other kids.
P.ss.....PaperPrincess....Not to argue, but I see the "crazies" come out in ALL sports, not just football.
|
Kym
A True Nikonian & Appler User
| |
|
|
gorgeouskid
You gots to access your uncrazy side.
PeaNut 83,119
April 2003
Posts: 9,789
Layouts: 10
| Posted: 9/27/2011 9:06:14 AM
Where are the referees? My husband is a lacrosse official and would never tolerate abusive language towards anyone at any level. He has thrown parents, coaches, and players off the field for inappropriate language (not just swearing.)
Can you videotape the practice with your phone to catch his language? I agree with those who say it must be addressed for future kids, not just your child. | |
|
Shih Tzu Mommy
Million dollar camera, 10 dollar lock!
PeaNut 224,352
September 2005
Posts: 23,527
Layouts: 0
Loc: Right here
| Posted: 9/27/2011 10:48:39 AM
I'd not have my child on a team with a coach like that at 7 and 8 years old.
Both of my boys played plenty of football and had their share of screaming from coaches, but not in elementary or middle school. That is just not acceptable IMO.
Our coach is a nice man, he's a Christian, he loves kids, he's good with people. HOWEVER...he's not the best coach.
I do not agree with this based on everything else you said.
He spends no time congrtulating the kids but plenty of time telling them that we got a threatening letter from the other team saying how they are going to smear us in the next game. Said how our Quarterback sucks, he can't run and the 3 TD's he made were pure luck. Said our Defense is lame and has no clue where the holes are that our Offense is a joke and went on and on about how they are going to hit us in hard in the backs, and do to them what we did to the team we beat.
I'd tell him I wanted a copy of that, STAT! It should be against the league rules and should disqualify the other coach immediately. I call bull$hit on it and think that you are right in that it was not sent at all.
This is a coach that should NOT be coaching, FYI. |
Dog people are a special breed! | |
|
|
lori f
PeaNut
PeaNut 167,457
September 2004
Posts: 36
Layouts: 20
Loc: tennessee
| Posted: 9/27/2011 11:08:49 AM
I am the mom of an 8 yr old quarterback myself. I can totally relate to what you are talking about. This is my sons 3rd year playing and I have seen similar behavior in a lot of coaches. Many of the parents on my sons team thought our coach was yelling too much at the kids during the games. It does effect the kids and many of them simply shutdown. In our situation, my husband, who is an assistant coach, talked to him about it. He has really made an effort to tone down his behavior. I don't think he realized how intimidating he was to the kids. Everything seems to be going smoother. I hope things improve for your team! I like someone's idea on here about taping his behavior. Show him how he acts. A picture is worth a thousand words. Good luck to your little QB and his team  |
|
|
mom_to_a_girl
AncestralPea
PeaNut 97,416
July 2003
Posts: 4,655
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 9/27/2011 11:13:52 AM
There's no way I would allow my ds to continue to play for that coach or on a league that condones his coaching style. If the letter you mention was real, I would turn it over to the league commissioner. They should remove that coach too. As parents, you all should form together to make this an enjoyable learning sports experience for your boys.
ETA:
So I've had time to sleep on it, read through everyone's posts, and talk to my husband again.
Unfortunately this whole thing falls onto my shoulders because my husband will not be able to attend todays practice and I do not think that this can go without being addressed.
I would have liked to have my husband talk to him; possibly with a few other dads, but....so this is my life most of the time anyway.
Perhaps it's just the nature of your dh's job, but something about this bugs me. Does he agree the coach is wrong? I would hope my dh would want to go mano-a-mano with this guy and move heaven and earth to do it. | |
|
WingNut
Best Cat Evahhh!
PeaNut 18,741
July 2001
Posts: 13,241
Layouts: 200
Loc: Maryland
| Posted: 9/27/2011 11:28:43 AM
This is definitely a "suck it up, buttercup" moment. Not for you and your son putting up with this unbelievable behavior (normal or not). It's for YOU to stand up to this bully FOR YOUR SON and his teammates. Even if NO OTHER PARENT joins you. It won't be fun or easy, but it MUST be done. These are not high school, college or pro athletes. These are 7/8 year old BOYS. It's time for the wringing of hands to be done.
I would put him on notice that his behavior is reprehensible and you are not giving him any further chances to continue to behave this way. That any further acts in this manner will be reported to whoever is in charge.
If you choose to go the video route, understand that some state laws could put you in jeopardy. As I understand it, the video taping is not the issue but the *sounds* recorded could be, if the person is not made aware of it (think Linda Tripp and Monica Lewinski). Tripp broke Maryland law by recording their conversations without ML's knowledge.
I would notify him that I would be bringing my video recorder to all games and let the chips fall where they may. |
Joy
"And a Christian who constantly complains, fails to be a good Christian: they become Mr. or Mrs. Whiner, no?" - Pope Francis"
Into the Thicklebit- My new favorite blog/webcomic!
 | |
|
|
Shih Tzu Mommy
Million dollar camera, 10 dollar lock!
PeaNut 224,352
September 2005
Posts: 23,527
Layouts: 0
Loc: Right here
| Posted: 9/27/2011 12:05:44 PM
This is definitely a "suck it up, buttercup" moment.
I think she meant to say NOT a suck it up buttercup moment.
|
Dog people are a special breed! | |
|
|
Nightowl scrapper
Intl Assoc of Epic Length Posters - USA Chapter
PeaNut 103,889
August 2003
Posts: 24,976
Layouts: 0
Loc: Colorado
| Posted: 9/27/2011 12:41:07 PM
This is definitely a "suck it up, buttercup" moment.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think she meant to say NOT a suck it up buttercup moment.
No, I read it as "suck it up, buttercup" directed at mom who seems hesitant to confront the coach. She needs to put aside her fear of confrontation and call out the coach and get this behavior addressed however she has to. Not wait for dh (who, I agree, should be doing whatever it takes to protect his kid from this kind of verbal abuse) but take care of business and protect her child and others from this jerk. |
"Until you put a thought into words, clearly and precisely, it is not a thought at all. It is a kind of fog rolling around inside the skull."
| |
|
|
pjynx
This space for rent
PeaNut 69,453
February 2003
Posts: 5,104
Layouts: 4
Loc: Wherever my mind wanders
| Posted: 9/27/2011 1:08:41 PM
I would video tape him in action and show him how he is acting. I bet if he is the person you say he is, he will be surprised and ashamed.
If he isnt then present the tape to the board and ask to have him removed.
^^^^that
The guy should be ashamed of himself!
Pam |
|
|
Shih Tzu Mommy
Million dollar camera, 10 dollar lock!
PeaNut 224,352
September 2005
Posts: 23,527
Layouts: 0
Loc: Right here
| Posted: 9/27/2011 1:45:34 PM
This is definitely a "suck it up, buttercup" moment.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think she meant to say NOT a suck it up buttercup moment.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No, I read it as "suck it up, buttercup" directed at mom who seems hesitant to confront the coach.
Ah. That makes perfect sense! Agreed, now that I have read it again with that perspective in mind.
Thanks! |
Dog people are a special breed! | |
|
|
ScrappinSportzMom
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 57,663
December 2002
Posts: 2,225
Layouts: 6
Loc: Walking the dog in North Texas
| Posted: 9/27/2011 2:22:53 PM
I've never been a quitter or do I let my kids quit once they start a sport. I just don't know what to do
Long time sports mom here..... there will be times that your kids are on a team sport that you know they don't like it and want to quit. The answer is no, you can't quit.
There are other times that the team situation is completely, utterly, all wrong and you know you need to get your child out of that situation. Both of my girls participated on this kind of team. We honored the commitment for the weekend or for the next tournament, and then I let them quit the team. Both girls understood why we had to finish out that obligation, but were relieved that there would be an end to the whole mess in the very near future. | |
|
Euro/Scrapper
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 19,344
August 2001
Posts: 6,028
Layouts: 423
Loc: Where the Military Sends Us.. :)
| Posted: 9/27/2011 5:00:41 PM
So, we had a talk. How did it go? (BIG SIGH)
He basically said that the letter was not real, that he does this every year as a motivational tactic. He said that the team we played last week are a terrible team and that yes we won, but he wasn't there and didn't see how it all played out, but that it was basically luck that we won.
He said yes he yells, but that that is his style of coaching and basically is not going to change it. He said he's hard on the kids...PERIOD! He's been coaching for this league for 7 years. He doesn't feel that he is being negative in any way and that if any parent doesn't like his style they can basically hit the highway.
I told him that he IS being negative and on my sons behalf, he DID bring him down by telling him that another team said he's a horrible quarterback and only got those three touchdowns out of luck, that he can't run and that they were going to kick his butt in the next game by hitting him in back hard and hurt him where it counts. It WAS personal attack on him and that it's not how to motivate my child and so far it's not working for anyone else's on our team either.
I told him how hard he was on the team for their first game and how hard he was personally on my son. I told him I felt he needed to stop being so hard, and he basically told me that's what the other two coaches are for, that they have a more passive style of coaching.
So...Did I make any progress? NO!!
Does my son still want to play? YES!!
*****He did say he was going to address the parents tonight and explain the letter, so hopefully someone will man up and say what's on their minds as well. ******
I'm going to wait and see what the result of the conversation is tonight and go from there.
P.S. I know some of you think I should just YANK him off the team, head down to the league office and report him, but you are not in my shoes and it's a LOT easier to give advice than it is to actually do that.
This is the south where football is life! This is a Jr. Pro League connected to a 4 year college. THE GOOD OL BOY CLUB. I'M A WOMAN! Yes, I said it...the dreaded words.....I'm a woman. The "team mom"
I'll let you know what happens tonight.
|
Kym
A True Nikonian & Appler User
| |
|
|
Euro/Scrapper
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 19,344
August 2001
Posts: 6,028
Layouts: 423
Loc: Where the Military Sends Us.. :)
| Posted: 9/27/2011 8:45:05 PM
Sooooo.....I got thrown to the wolves! I will no longer speak for others because they will not back you even if they tell you they will. I tried to stand up for what was right and "I" got chewed out!! How that worked out from people who were complaining about the same things??????
PEOPLE LIE! PEOPLE ARE CHICKEN! PEOPLE DON'T HAVE BALLS TO STAND UP FOR WHAT THEY BELIEVE IN!! PEOPLE SUCK!!
Thanks for all the advice...I can't talk about this anymore. I'm so drained I can't even think straight. I think I'm just going to quit, and take my kid with me.  |
Kym
A True Nikonian & Appler User
| |
|
|
Nightowl scrapper
Intl Assoc of Epic Length Posters - USA Chapter
PeaNut 103,889
August 2003
Posts: 24,976
Layouts: 0
Loc: Colorado
| Posted: 9/27/2011 8:52:28 PM
I think I'm just going to quit, and take my kid with me.
Outstanding choice. That's exactly what you should do. Despite the fact your child wants to play, YOU know that being around verbal abuse isn't good for his self-image or his character development. You sure as heck don't want to hear him treating other people like that, and really, when you are around it, and it hurts, it flies out of your own mouth unless you are careful when you are angry at someone else.
Let him deal with not having a team mom and the quarterback going bye bye. There is no reason in this day and age that excuses that behavior. I dont' care WHERE you live.
I would write a letter to the league explaining why you are leaving, giving specific examples, video if you have it, and ask for a refund. All they can do is say no.
Swimming is a good sport for 7yos. So's tennis.
I'm sorry you were hung out to dry by the other parents. Sports brings out the crazy in people, that's all I can say.
|
"Until you put a thought into words, clearly and precisely, it is not a thought at all. It is a kind of fog rolling around inside the skull."
| |
|
|
thewrightway
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 233,586
November 2005
Posts: 5,206
Layouts: 0
Loc: Mayberry
| Posted: 9/27/2011 8:53:23 PM
Are the other parents thinking of pulling their kids out of this man's team?
Did you ask the league about their coaching trainings?
Did you ask if the league would send a field rep to view what you say is going on?
There are things you can do....
But like I said in my OP to me this would be a good time to talk to your son about how different people handle things differently.
"Mr. Coach is a yeller and I want you to know that while he is emotional it isn't personal to you" those kind of comments can really help in this situation.
I am a football mom, a coach's wife, etc... I've been there and done that. Had wonderful coaches, and really bad ones. When I first said to have him suck up the rest of the season it wasn't because I didn't empathize with your son or with you. I wasn't being snarky.
I'm glad he still wants to play! Keep emphasizing that positive feeling he has, encourage his position on the team, etc... |
|
|
~scrap-it-all~
PeaFixture
PeaNut 7,143
October 2000
Posts: 3,686
Layouts: 0
Loc: IL
 | Posted: 9/28/2011 8:23:13 AM
I'm surprised that everyone's so surprised about this type of behavior. I live in a small town, and sports are *everything*. My son has had to "suck it up" since 5th grade because embarassing, inappropriate behavior from coaches is standard. If I pulled him, he wouldn't have a team to play on. This year his football coaches are not like this, but there are some other serious issues that still go on.
I think it's shameful that schools endorse this, but that's just the way it is here for all sports. I guess I figure it's that way everywhere else too. These are KIDS and 90% of them will be done after high school, so it should be fun and still competitive without taking over their lives or messing with their minds. |
|
|
Nightowl scrapper
Intl Assoc of Epic Length Posters - USA Chapter
PeaNut 103,889
August 2003
Posts: 24,976
Layouts: 0
Loc: Colorado
| Posted: 9/28/2011 8:27:02 AM
I guess I figure it's that way everywhere else too.
I had friends with kids in pee wee football in CA, and it was most certainly NOT that way. Some of these folks were coaches for other sports, and there is no way they'd put up with this kind of verbal abuse being spewed at their kids.
ETA: Since soccer and football overlap in that area, we often shared soccer practice fields with football practice, and I never saw or heard anything close to what the OP describes from those coaches. They were strict, stern, encouraging, but never screaming or belittling.
Unless there's something magical about the sport of football below the Mason Dixon line that makes kids play like stars when they are being degraded and insulted, I dont' get this AT ALL. |
"Until you put a thought into words, clearly and precisely, it is not a thought at all. It is a kind of fog rolling around inside the skull."
| |
|
|
thewrightway
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 233,586
November 2005
Posts: 5,206
Layouts: 0
Loc: Mayberry
| Posted: 10/1/2011 6:14:48 PM
So am I reading correctly that you went and spoke on behalf on the team and none of the other parents would back you up? So no one took their son off the team?
Did you wind up letting your child play or did you pull him out?
It is funny how many parents will complain but when push comes to shove they don't want any action. I'm sorry if that is what happened to you and you felt unsupported. |
|
|
freecharlie
Is the pool open yet?
PeaNut 109,127
September 2003
Posts: 19,505
Layouts: 4
Loc: Colorado
| Posted: 10/1/2011 10:48:29 PM
P.S. I know some of you think I should just YANK him off the team, head down to the league office and report him, but you are not in my shoes and it's a LOT easier to give advice than it is to actually do that.
I know exactly how you feel. I saw this with my son's team in another sport and while I really wanted to yank him, his friends were on the team and he really wanted to play. I settled for the passive aggressive venting about it to my parents and ILs and one other parent very near the coach's wife without acknowledging that we knew she was there. SHE went home and talked to her DH (the coach). It only changed one game, but hey...
I would watch very closely to see if your son is going to get the wrath of the coach.
Oh and for what it is worth, I think at 7-8 the kids should get to play a lot of different positions. |
| Tribbey: I believe, as long as Justice Dreifort is intolerant toward gays, lesbians, blacks, unions, women, poor people, and the first, fourth, fifth, and ninth amendments, I will remain intolerant toward him! [to Ainsley] Nice meeting you | |
|
|
cycworker
On dry runs Santa drives the Isuzu
PeaNut 159,331
July 2004
Posts: 9,390
Layouts: 0
Loc: Vancouver Island, BC, Canada
| Posted: 10/1/2011 11:43:08 PM
I understand your concern. As much as you may want to pull him, if he wants to play, I'd let him.
I'm a coach. I also am the coordinator of our league. I would not be ok with the fake letter. The yelling, in and of itself, I might not have an issue with - depends what he's yelling. If it's instructional - "Go there, do this,' I wouldn't take issue with it. If it's 'You're an idiot," I would.
I personally DO yell - the first type of yelling, "Watch that! Front of the net! Shoot!' That kind of stuff. And if a kid repeatedly makes an error that costs us on the scoreboard, he or she will be having a seat for a little while so we can go over their job. And once we've had a few minutes for me to review the problem area, I get them back out asap so they can try again and experience succcess - which they always do. And I always yell something positive, i.e., "Well done, ____! That's right!"
That all said....
There are tough people in the world. We need to learn to deal with them. Sometimes mean things get said. Before I took over the league we had a coach like the guy you're describing. And ya know, the kids LOVED him.
Why? Because no matter what I think of their methods, these guys often win.
This guy has been coach a long time from the sounds of it. He gets what it takes for these kids if they want to continue on in football. Any sport, after a certain level, is competitive.
So often I see people here complaining about the whole 'everyone gets a medal' mentality and now there's a coach agreeing with you and trying to teach these kids that the world is a competitive place and they are required to in the proverbial blood, sweat and tears in order to win, and the guy is getting crap.
If he sticks it out now he'll develop character and toughness. He'll have an extra dose of preparedness for the next level. That is going to give him an edge, down the road, against the kids who have had the soft coach who is all touchy-feely about everything. And that edge won't just apply to athletics. It'll help him to be prepared for the teacher or the boss who may well be a bully. In some of those situations quitting may not be an option.
So yeah, if it were my kid, he'd finish the season. |
-Tania... but people who like me call me `Tang`
The secret of a good life is to have the right loyalties and hold them in the right scale of values.
Norman Thomas
US socialist politician (1884 - 1968)
Human and civil rights should NEVER be subject to the tyranny of the majority. Minorities gain legal equality only when those in power come to understand that their unearned privilege is wrong, and enforce change upon society. - ProfessorZed | |
|
|
