Tacky just never goes out of style, does it?

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Posted 9/30/2012 by Just Lizzy in NSBR Board
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Just Lizzy
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Posted: 9/30/2012 11:57:57 PM
Found this on my FB wall tonight:

Hi ladies! Xxxxx's cousin and her husband have been trying to get pregnant for about 4 years and have decided to do IVF. Since it's really expensive the family is throwing them an auction to raise money. We got family/friends to donate items... etc.
Asking others to fund your IVF? Totally tacky in the extreme.

I can think of any number of things I'd like to decide to do, that I can't afford. I think my friends should throw me an auction, too.


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SMayer
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Posted: 9/30/2012 11:58:51 PM

pmk1977
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Posted: 10/1/2012 1:36:27 AM
Um, wow.

GEORJAMS MUM
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Posted: 10/1/2012 5:10:59 AM
Gosh wish I'd thought of this when we did IVF NOT
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Posted: 10/1/2012 6:16:28 AM
Alrighty then...


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DastardlyBoo
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Posted: 10/1/2012 6:35:27 AM
Maybe a tacky way to ask for money - but I would be more than happy to help financially for this for a loved one. Childlessness is one of the saddest things couples have to deal with.

Asking for money to help with something like this isn't selfish. Any child born of such a gift would be the most wanted child on the planet.



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short1cake
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 10/1/2012 8:16:37 AM
Is it possible that the family decided to do it without the couple's input?

WingNut
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Posted: 10/1/2012 8:26:22 AM
This is a common practice these days in the world of adoption, so I'm not terribly surprised to read of this. In fact, I'm more surprised it isn't seen more often.


Joy


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Posted: 10/1/2012 8:29:03 AM

the family is throwing them an auction to raise money


Looks like the couple isn't even doing it themselves, the family is doing it for them.

I guess I'm having a hard time seeing this as tacky. It's a gift from family that wants to see them have a child.


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Posted: 10/1/2012 8:38:34 AM
I have a very high tacky tolerance, so keep that in mind...but this doesn't bother me.

It's not asking for something for nothing...it's an *auction*, wherein the money raised goes to a cause, but the participants still go home with something.

I don't see it any differently than having a fund raiser to help raise money for funeral services after a tragedy. One is to help start a life, the other to help end one.

Me? I think people look for tacky everywhere. And you can usually find it if you're looking hard enough.


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nanett
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Posted: 10/1/2012 8:44:56 AM
After 12 years of marriage, my husband and I went the IVF route. It's crazy expensive, but worth every penny. We had triplets as a result of our IVF and they are incredibly loved and are growing up to be amazing young people. Our lives are enriched and blessed daily by their presence in our world.

I would, without hesitation, help a family member if they were in the same situation and couldn't afford the expense. Until you've been in that situation, you have no idea the helpless feeling that runs through your world on a daily basis.

I'd also be more than happy to help a family member if they were in the same situation and decided to go the adoption route.

Having a family shouldn't be limited by your ability to come up with $40,000 or so up front.

Belia
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Posted: 10/1/2012 8:48:27 AM
I find that the request went out on Facebook, of all things, in such a casual way to be tackier than the request itself.


CreativeEngineer
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Posted: 10/1/2012 8:50:44 AM
I think that social media has made it easier to be tacky. There is nothing wrong with helping family or asking family to help family. But what is wrong is that it was blasted to what appears to be such a large group of "family" KWIM?

Would these people ask for this type of "help" in person from the OP? Likely not. It would probably be uncomfortable as the relationship doesn't appear to be close enough for that. But FB allows people to indiscrimately (IMHO) reach out to larger, more distant groups of people than people normally would.

Just my $0.02, of course.





megmc
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Posted: 10/1/2012 8:54:20 AM
Not tacky at all.
We have adoption parties here all the time, so why not a IVF party.

facebook seems like the fastest way to get the info out.

I hope that many blessings to the couple.

wannaplay
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Posted: 10/1/2012 8:54:41 AM
I think the list of things that make people butt hurt just gets longer and longer everyday. It's friends and family attempting to help someone they care about with a fundraiser.
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Epeanymous
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Posted: 10/1/2012 8:56:16 AM
Eh, I think there is a bit of a difference between wanting to have children and wanting to go on an exotic honeymoon, for example. I am wondering what kinds of wants you have that you would consider to be equivalent in evaluating the tackiness of this situation.

I did IVF for one of my kids. We had the money and self-funded. This doesn't really ping my radar, however.

peawii
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Posted: 10/1/2012 9:01:02 AM
If the family are the ones holding the auction for the couple it's not the couple's fault. I wouldn't be jealous over them getting this kind of love and support. Do you feel they came up with the idea for the auction? I would wonder if they are o.k. with everyone knowing their problem, but if they're o.k. with it I think I would donate and help out.

MotherofJackals
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Posted: 10/1/2012 9:09:16 AM
I don't see a problem with it. When I read things like this not knowing the people involved I tend to lean towards thinking that people mean well.

I read this and think that a few family members got together and thought about helping this couple. They figured they couldn't do it alone and tried to decided the best way to raise money fairly quickly. Maybe it didn't come across perfect but it is hard to hate on people who are doing something out of love.

BethAnneM
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Posted: 10/1/2012 9:22:16 AM

I have a very high tacky tolerance, so keep that in mind...but this doesn't bother me.

It's not asking for something for nothing...it's an *auction*, wherein the money raised goes to a cause, but the participants still go home with something.

I don't see it any differently than having a fund raiser to help raise money for funeral services after a tragedy. One is to help start a life, the other to help end one.

Me? I think people look for tacky everywhere. And you can usually find it if you're looking hard enough.


What she said.



*maureen*
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Posted: 10/1/2012 9:39:16 AM
I think it's no tackier than using someone's facebook post as fodder for a message board.

laineyradish
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Posted: 10/1/2012 9:42:36 AM

I can think of any number of things I'd like to decide to do, that I can't afford. I think my friends should throw me an auction, too.

Would this comment be considered tacky or just bad form?

justbecause
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Posted: 10/1/2012 9:47:22 AM
Sometimes, I wish I had the balls to do ask family to do that for me. DH and I have accepted that we may never have a child together because I've had a tubal and we don't have the money lying around to have it reversed or do IVF.

It takes some balls to do that but it is still tacky. I can understand auctions to help with unexpected medical bills but not something that is considered elective.



pepea
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Posted: 10/1/2012 9:49:00 AM

I think it's no tackier than using someone's facebook post as fodder for a message board.


What *Maureen* said^^^^


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reneelcla
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Posted: 10/1/2012 10:04:45 AM

Hi ladies! Xxxxx's cousin and her husband have been trying to get pregnant for about 4 years and have decided to do IVF. Since it's really expensive the family is throwing them an auction to raise money. We got family/friends to donate items... etc.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



From what you posted, it doesn't seem like the couple who decided to go through IVF asked anyone to raise money for them to have IVF. It appears that the family of the couple made the decision on their own as a way to help them out.

Jillsie Pea
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Posted: 10/1/2012 10:33:09 AM
This is pretty common. I don't see why the OP is getting freaked out about it.


I think it's no tackier than using someone's facebook post as fodder for a message board.

Nailed it!

myshelly
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Posted: 10/1/2012 10:36:52 AM

I have a very high tacky tolerance, so keep that in mind...but this doesn't bother me.

It's not asking for something for nothing...it's an *auction*, wherein the money raised goes to a cause, but the participants still go home with something.

I don't see it any differently than having a fund raiser to help raise money for funeral services after a tragedy. One is to help start a life, the other to help end one.

Me? I think people look for tacky everywhere. And you can usually find it if you're looking hard enough.


I completely agree. With all of this.

I don't see why it's different from all the hundreds of other fundraiser auctions organized every day for every cause imaginable.

The couple themselves are not asking for handouts. The family organized an auction. I don't think it's tacky at all.



HaveAScrappyDay
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Posted: 10/1/2012 10:43:06 AM
I can't really decide on this one. A distant family member, by marriage, of mine did IVF with financial support from several family members and is now pregnant with triplets. She just had a baby shower where everyone under the sun was invited (a bit of a gift grab IMHO) My mom, who is not related to her at all and met her once was invited. They are basically looking for anyone they have ever known to help them out since they are having three. So, I am a little touchy on the subject.

I'm really drawn because fertility treatments can, and do, result in multiples. If you cant afford the treatments on your own could you afford more than one child at once? Many multiples come early, are small and/or need time in NICU.


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Posted: 10/1/2012 11:18:53 AM
I have a couple in our family that has been trying to have kids for years. They would be such great partents. I have been with them through these sad and painful years with all the ups and downs of infirtility. If someone did an auction on their behalf, I would be right there with an awesome item to auction as well as a wad of cash to bid on something. I think it would be a fun way to help. I can't think of anything I would rather help with.

Would a plea for just plain donations be better? Should they just suck it up and go without a child becaue IVF is soooo expensive? It isn't like they are asking people to fund a frivolous thing. I would feel fortunate that I could do something tangible to help bring that baby into our family.

sweetandsour
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Posted: 10/1/2012 11:29:06 AM
Doesn't even blip on my radar of tacky.

Of course, I live in an area where people have fundraisers for their big weddings, so what do I know?


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Posted: 10/1/2012 11:37:07 AM


*maureen*
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Posted: 10/1/2012 9:39:16 AM
I think it's no tackier than using someone's facebook post as fodder for a message board.



I bet you take the "fun" out of funeral too, Maureen! Bwhahahahaha.



IMHO, both are tacky but at least she didn't link it.










*maureen*
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Posted: 10/1/2012 12:00:47 PM

I bet you take the "fun" out of funeral too, Maureen! Bwhahahahaha.


I'm Irish, funerals are another reason to drink...


Georgiapea
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Posted: 10/1/2012 12:14:53 PM
I guess I don't see it as tacky at all. Those who wish to help the couple will do so, and those who view it as Lizzy does won't. Those who donate will have the enjoyment of knowing they contributed to helping a new person join the family.

BoSoxBeth
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Posted: 10/1/2012 12:28:08 PM
I find it tacky.

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Posted: 10/1/2012 12:30:09 PM
I think its tacky as well.



punkgirlsoxfan
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Posted: 10/1/2012 12:52:36 PM
If you feel it is tacky don't take part. Infertility is very hard emotionally and physically. I wouldn't judge if you have never been in that situation. Lots of couples wish they could have enough money to undergo the procedure. If family members are willing to help, i think that is awesome. Having a child is whole different ballgame than wanting to go to on vacation.

VirginiaGomes
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Posted: 10/1/2012 12:57:55 PM
I know it sounds tacky but like someone pointed out I much rather donate money for those causes than for the breast augmentation parties.


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Just Lizzy
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Posted: 10/1/2012 1:02:14 PM

I think the list of things that make people butt hurt just gets longer and longer everyday.
Nope, not butt hurt. Just find it tacky.

I think it's no tackier than using someone's facebook post as fodder for a message board.
Ouch!

I don't see why the OP is getting freaked out about it.
Freaked out? Really? You think this is being freaked out?


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JD1234

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Posted: 10/1/2012 1:15:41 PM
I don't think it is tacky at all. I would be glad to take part in a fundraiser like this if I knew the couple going through it.

melanieposell
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Posted: 10/1/2012 1:18:10 PM
A couple in my neighborhood did this exact thing and I too found it tacky. I had friends who had to borrow from relatives or use the equity in their house to be able to do IVF so I kind of feel like, if you can't afford it, you don't do it. I did not participate in their concert/benefit.
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Posted: 10/1/2012 1:21:38 PM

Freaked out? Really? You think this is being freaked out?


Bent out of shape. Is that better?

Gulfcoastgirl
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Posted: 10/1/2012 2:52:08 PM
That takes tacky to a new level!



Gynergy
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Posted: 10/1/2012 4:12:01 PM
I have empathy for the couple. Often IVF and other fertility treatments will only be effective for a short window of time, and that may not be time for all families to save up $40,000+. Just because someone lacks that much disposable income doesn't mean they can't afford to have a child. And (from what I have seen) fertility docs are more conservative these days and multiples are less frequent (though still a possibility).

I admit to bias due to my own infertility.


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Posted: 10/1/2012 5:42:49 PM
I have been invited to fundraisers for people with cancer, needing a liver transplant and a woman who was paralyzed when she flipped her car. Are these considered tacky as well, or do you pick and choose as to which medical conditions its okay to fundraise for?

moveablefeast
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Posted: 10/1/2012 5:52:13 PM
I would go to a friend's IVF fundraiser and contribute as generously as my budget allowed, and would consider it a fine investment in the future of a beloved person's family.

Their vacation to Maui? That's on them. Building their family? Count me IN.

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Posted: 10/1/2012 5:57:20 PM
Considering it isn't the couple asking for funds, but the family holding a fundraiser for them, no, I don't think it's tacky.

katybee8
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Posted: 10/1/2012 6:01:39 PM
I think it's tacky only in the sense that the person sending it refers to the fundraiser being held for xxxx's cousin. If I knew xxxx's cousin, that would be one thing. Or if I were best buds with xxxx. But just posting this on the FB page of anyone who might be good for a buck or two is tacky.

It's not the what, it's the who I have an issue with.

Sharna_G
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Posted: 10/1/2012 6:06:03 PM


I find that the request went out on Facebook, of all things, in such a casual way to be tackier than the request itself.




I think this is my problem also.


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Posted: 10/1/2012 6:26:32 PM
I would prefer to receive a phone call, email or snail-mail for the request, but whatever way I received the request I would try to help.


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Posted: 10/1/2012 6:30:45 PM
I literally laughed out loud.
Sorry, tacky does not ever go out of style.


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doesitmatter?
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Posted: 10/1/2012 11:33:35 PM

I know it sounds tacky but like someone pointed out I much rather donate money for those causes than for the breast augmentation parties.



What what?People have fundraisers to get bigger boobs??????????????????


As far as the op - I don't know what I think - it's not something I would personally do, but I would contribute to someone I loved trying to start a family. I haven't been in that scenario so I am trying not to judge. Our church has done some for adoptions - because we feel it is our call to care for the fatherless as the Bible commands us to do. So though I wouldn't personally ask for donations, I would contribute if it was someone I loved and was able to.
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