I could really use some encouragement, please.

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Posted 11/23/2012 by KelleeL in NSBR Board

Eye pea ;)

PeaNut 29,130
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Posted: 11/23/2012 9:23:48 PM
I'm getting married on New Year's Eve. Our plan was to get married in Vegas in October but family talked us into doing it here so they could be part of it...great idea in theory. I'm doing most of the planning and the wedding (about 100 people) is at my fiance's brother and sister-in-law's house. My fiance will do whatever I ask but doesn't take any initiative, which is okay, he really doesn't know what needs to be done.

My Mom passed away in April. I struggled with depression afterward and still am very sad. My fiance's sister (she was almost 54) passed away on November 14 from cancer. He's on his way to California right now for her memorial service. I can't stop thinking about her daughters. They are 21, 22, and 23 years old. Their Dad also has cancer I am overwhelmed with grief. I really feel so badly for these amazing young ladies who are going to not have their Mom there when they get married and have babies

I've been trying to motivate myself to do some wedding related stuff this weekend while my guy is away but whenever I think about the wedding I start thinking about his nieces.

I guess I really just needed to get this out...thanks for reading.


PeaNut 16,338
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Posted: 11/23/2012 9:33:58 PM
Oh Kellee, what a sad situation. I am so sorry for your losses. Life is full of contradictions and extremes: happy and sad, positive and negative, and yes, life and death. Sometimes, as you know, all at the same time.

May the happy memories of your mom and other loved ones get you through to the better times. You have a wedding to look forward to, and more importantly, a new life with your husband-to-be. It's normal to have sad moments. Allow yourself to feel them fully, then let them pass. You have a full life to live.

I hope you have a wonderful wedding surrounded by family and friends!

Lisa B.

Wife, Mother, Librarian, Superwoman, and all-around good doobie


PeaNut 388,680
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Posted: 11/23/2012 9:35:09 PM
Didn't want to read and run.


"I am fairly certain that given a cape and a nice tiara, I could save the world."

"Toes should never, under any circumstances, be separated from on another... it's just too traumatic for them." --nicolequinn


PeaNut 380,938
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Posted: 11/23/2012 9:42:58 PM
A very close friend of mine experienced 4 major tragedies. Losing a son, a husband, a grandchild plus more losses. During throws of her grandchild and long hospital stay of her other grandchild my friend continued planning her wedding.
It was a small intimate setting, with family and friends.

After some tears were shed during the 1st dances the bride and groom called every one up to the dance floor where we all danced to Black Eyed Peas.
The lesson to every one there was to honour those who have passed by living with joy and love.

Share your love with all who surround you.


Peaing From Podunk

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Posted: 11/23/2012 9:43:27 PM
I'm sorry you're feeling so sad Kellee


Mother Goose's Meandering Mind

Burning Feather
I conceived but I can't see you

PeaNut 158,336
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Posted: 11/23/2012 9:43:43 PM
I'm sorry you are feeling the weight of so many recent losses. I've lost both of my parents, so I understand.

Time passes so quickly and life is filled with ups and downs and they are easier if you have someone by your side to walk that road with you. Feeling grief and loss does not mean that you have to push joy aside. In fact, it should motivate you to grab joy and experience it as much and as fully as you can. Life is short - take every bit of happiness that you can and run with it.


Gail OH
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 108,385
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Posted: 11/23/2012 9:49:49 PM
just a little hug...


Eye pea ;)

PeaNut 29,130
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Posted: 11/23/2012 9:51:18 PM
Thank you all.

I'm struggling tonight but hope that tomorrow is a better day.


PeaNut 279,621
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Posted: 11/23/2012 9:51:55 PM
I completely agree with Burning Feather... Joy and sorrow are sometimes intertwined, but don't lose the happiness that comes with beginning a new chapter in life! How wonderfully you two will be able to support each other in all things- one of the silver linings of our trials is how very close my husband and I are, and how much we appreciate our kids and families.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

Serendi-PEA-ty Storyteller

PeaNut 16,712
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Posted: 11/23/2012 9:54:05 PM
Oh Kellee - I'm sorry your having all these things that are getting in the way of your planning and fun doing it. Your a strong women and have handled so many things that you will get through this, just think about what a wonderful day it's going to be , I'm sure Meghan and George Jr are very ecited so think aout how wonderful it's going to be for all of you to be together.

Hugs to you my friend.

Janet M

Nicole in TX
The Peas did what we do and went insane over it

PeaNut 16,696
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Posted: 11/23/2012 10:06:19 PM
I am so sorry! Cancer sucks. I hope you can plan a time for you to be surrounded by those you love. It isn't fair, isn't it?

Miss Ang
I'm a Toilet Paper Pea. Are you?

PeaNut 26,443
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Posted: 11/23/2012 10:10:11 PM
I'm sorry you're having such a tough time, Kellee. {hugs} to you from me! I wish there something else I could do to help.


Mary Kay Lady
I'm thinking . . .

PeaNut 367,913
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Posted: 11/23/2012 11:21:54 PM

I'm so sorry for your losses. Feeling sad during the holidays because you're missing loved ones who've passed is normal.

Maybe you should take a break from planning your wedding for a few days.

Thread Killer Extraordinaire

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Posted: 11/23/2012 11:35:28 PM



PeaNut 129,135
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Posted: 11/24/2012 12:29:53 AM
Hugs to u

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pearl-clutching nitpicker

PeaNut 201,774
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Posted: 11/24/2012 12:50:11 AM
oh, Kellee. I'm so sorry for your losses. Sometimes there's just no easy answer and you have to go through the sadness before you get to the sunshine on the other side.

northern california

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."
--Bertrand Russell

On dry runs Santa drives the Isuzu

PeaNut 159,331
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Posted: 11/24/2012 12:57:57 AM
I am so sorry for your loss.

-Tania... but people who like me call me `Tang`

The secret of a good life is to have the right loyalties and hold them in the right scale of values.
Norman Thomas
US socialist politician (1884 - 1968)

Human and civil rights should NEVER be subject to the tyranny of the majority. Minorities gain legal equality only when those in power come to understand that their unearned privilege is wrong, and enforce change upon society. - ProfessorZed

2 Headed Tasmanian Pea

PeaNut 106,860
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Posted: 11/24/2012 1:01:21 AM
If I was one of your family and circle of friends who loved and cared for you I would be so excited for your wedding.

What a lovely and positive way for you to all end the year together. Yes there will be reflection and memories of those who couldn't be with you and that is only natural.

I really can't think of a lovelier way to end a crappy year than with two people I loved and sharing their affirmation of their love together.

Now - write a list of 3 small things you can achieve in the next day or so. They don't have to be big, they don't even have to be important. Just something to get you moving forwards.




PeaNut 172,235
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Posted: 11/24/2012 1:50:47 AM
I'm sorry you're struggling now Kellee, losses are hard to process and I'm not surprised you're feeling a bit unmotivated, to say the least.

But I'm sure your fiances neices are really looking forward to be part of your happy day and to sharing in your happiness.

Accept any offers of help that come your way, keep things in perspective and remember that even if you don't get everything done the way you'd imagined you'll still be marrying the man you love and you'll have a fabulous day sharing it with your families.


Today, I will be colouring outside the lines.

Eye pea ;)

PeaNut 29,130
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Posted: 11/24/2012 5:07:54 AM
Thanks so much. Your kind and encouraging words are exactly what I needed. Our families and friends are all looking forward to our wedding ... I'm sure it will all work out in the end. And we do have plans to include my Mom and his sister's memories in our ceremony.


PeaNut 360,259
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Posted: 11/24/2012 10:18:16 AM

My brain is 70% song lyrics!

PeaNut 43,833
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Posted: 11/24/2012 11:11:46 AM
Hugs, sounds like your wedding will be a huge blessing to lift everyone's spirits.

Getting blonder every day

PeaNut 162,956
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Posted: 11/24/2012 11:28:42 AM
Big hugs, Kellee! You've been thru so much loss lately. I can't even talk about the "c" word right now, because we're going thru it with DH.

Our wedding (2 years ago) was up in the air also because our best man was murdered (DH's nephew), and then we didn't know if it felt right to go on with a wedding. I understand how you feel. We had many things that day in his memory but it was still tough. My mom was the one who told me not to put off our wedding, and to appreciate every day together (she had just been in a devastating accident and coma right before that!).

Give yourself a few days of a break and then get back to planning. You could do it!


PeaNut 157,311
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Posted: 11/24/2012 12:40:42 PM

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PeaNut 59,094
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Posted: 11/24/2012 3:18:58 PM
((((HUGS)))) You always seem like such a kind pea and I hate that you're so down. I hope you're feeling more motivated soon. I know things have been difficult and it doesn't feel great now, but you have a lot to look forword to and I hope you can focus on that.

OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.

luv my bulldoggies

PeaNut 24,213
November 2001
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Posted: 11/24/2012 3:37:05 PM
I am SO sorry for yours and your fiancees losses!!! I also know how hard it is when you can't stop thinking about/worrying about other people, too! (not to mention your own grief over your Mom!)
Sending up prayers and many ((( hugs )))!!!

Have you thought about grief counseling? With all these recent deaths, plus your brother-in-law also having cancer, maybe it would help to speak to a grief counselor and/or attend a support group with others who are going through the same things?
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