Are you supposed to be honest about this? I assume not.
Post ReplyPost New TopicPosted 12/3/2012 by Epeanymous in NSBR Board
 

Epeanymous
PeaFixture

PeaNut 15,108
May 2001
Posts: 3,024
Layouts: 1

Posted: 12/3/2012 9:10:47 PM
I have been married for 16 years and have known my inlaws for 18 years. We aren't close. Generally they do not buy holiday gifts for me. I remember a story my MIL told me when I first met her about how her MIL bought her an Hermes scarf every year, and how thoughtless she thought it was, so "bad gift giving" is on their radar.

My MIL bought SIL and I the same gift this year, a leather cuff bracelet with a gold-colored clasp. I don't wear bracelets (which I have had a couple of conversations with MIL about, although I don't mind that she doesn't remember) and I don't wear gold jewelry (same). It also is not a style I care for. I tried it on in front of MIL; it was way too big, and she took it back from me to exchange it. She told me to tell her if I thought I wouldn't wear it. I will not wear it. Do I tell her? I am thinking absolutely not, but thought I'd pass it by the peas.

TXDancermom
AncestralPea

PeaNut 146,748
May 2004
Posts: 4,230
Layouts: 1

Posted: 12/3/2012 9:15:29 PM
I would take it, tell her thank you, and then see if I could exchange it on my own to get something I would wear!


pennyring
Thrift Ninja

PeaNut 226,011
October 2005
Posts: 23,237
Layouts: 40
Loc: Rite Aid

Posted: 12/3/2012 9:18:15 PM
So she never buys gifts for you? I would keep it. Wear it when you're going to see her. It will make her happy.




Epeanymous
PeaFixture

PeaNut 15,108
May 2001
Posts: 3,024
Layouts: 1

Posted: 12/3/2012 9:19:40 PM

I would take it, tell her thank you, and then see if I could exchange it on my own to get something I would wear!


Too late. She already took it back after having me try it on to see if it fit. It was purchased at a store that exists where she lives, not me, so I couldn't pull a "don't worry, I'll take it back."

**JoJam**
Peace Out Girl Scout

PeaNut 80,420
April 2003
Posts: 10,013
Layouts: 75
Loc: monitoring lucy

Posted: 12/3/2012 9:19:55 PM
Only because she is going to take it back to exchange it anyway---

"It's a beautiful bracelet, but you know, I really don't wear bracelets because. . .I really love (silver?) earrings/necklaces (or whatever)."

If she hadn't seen you try it on and it was too big, I think you say nothing.



ttfnjoanna
***********



"Like what you do, do what you like."--Life is Good

"I've made some empty promises in my life. That was by far the most generous." Micheal Scott.

cmpeter
PEAceful Pea

PeaNut 14,521
April 2001
Posts: 37,188
Layouts: 31
Loc: Washington State

Posted: 12/3/2012 10:23:22 PM
I wouldn't say a word, other than to accept it graciously.


Cindi

*~*amanda*~*
...

PeaNut 393,905
October 2008
Posts: 7,415
Layouts: 0
Loc: Illinois

Posted: 12/3/2012 10:35:00 PM
Ditto what Cindi said.



bgpa
PeaAddict

PeaNut 53,649
October 2002
Posts: 1,181
Layouts: 40
Loc: NorthCentral PA

Posted: 12/3/2012 10:45:39 PM
Ditto, ditto.

Accept whatever the gift is, and wear it when you are with her.


Barb

"Be the change that you want to see in the world"
-Mahatma Gandhi

Meet Annie: Annie the Deaf Aussie

One Million Moms 4 Gun Control

SMG in AZ
Je suis desole

PeaNut 38,879
May 2002
Posts: 6,035
Layouts: 36
Loc: Phoenix area

Posted: 12/3/2012 10:54:51 PM
How about, "Dear MIL, I would not typically wear a bracelet or gold jewelry, but I will treasure this because it is a gift from you. Every time I wear it, it will remind me how much I appreciate you."




Suzy

BudgetMama
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 138,670
March 2004
Posts: 2,315
Layouts: 2
Loc: Oregon

Posted: 12/3/2012 10:57:26 PM
I'm with JoJam - because she already has it, I would probably say something like:

I'm not much for leather, but I really do love silver - a cute pair of silver snow flake earrings would be great this holiday season!


Or something along those lines. Since she suffered all those years (the poor thing) with the Hermes, maybe she'll appreciate you speaking up.

And maybe next year you can suggest a group shopping trip in Oct with SiL so you can get to know one another's tastes?

freecharlie
Trying to think of a new title

PeaNut 109,127
September 2003
Posts: 21,754
Layouts: 4
Loc: Colorado

Posted: 12/3/2012 11:05:07 PM
I'd tell my MIL, but we have a pretty good relationship.

Would you telling her you didn't like it hurt her feelings? Or is she someone who really wants to give a good gift, but doesn't have the landing?


Tribbey: I believe, as long as Justice Dreifort is intolerant toward gays, lesbians, blacks, unions, women, poor people, and the first, fourth, fifth, and ninth amendments, I will remain intolerant toward him! [to Ainsley] Nice meeting you

megmc
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 497,090
January 2011
Posts: 6,916
Layouts: 0

Posted: 12/4/2012 2:11:09 AM
If she doesn't buy you gifts, then what spurred this?



ps...if she isn't happy with those Hermes scarves I have a daughter who would really love them. lol

Peabay
Happy now?

PeaNut 156,993
July 2004
Posts: 46,287
Layouts: 13
Loc: Connecticut

Posted: 12/4/2012 5:20:33 AM
Go with your gut. While I had a great mil, I know if she'd said "tell me if you won't wear it" and I did, there would've been an eye roll behind my back and the thought that I was high maintenance and difficult.



recap.pea
AncestralPea

PeaNut 288,074
December 2006
Posts: 4,316
Layouts: 0

Posted: 12/4/2012 5:24:52 AM
I would tell MIL that while I thought the bracket was very pretty, you really are not a bracket wearer and therefor probably would not wear it


Uploaded with iPhone client

kmk1112
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 11,642
February 2001
Posts: 8,583
Layouts: 66
Loc: Ohio

Posted: 12/4/2012 5:25:08 AM
The only person in the world I would tell I didn't want a gift is my mom. Most of the time I don't even tell DH because in the past it has hurt his feelings when I have.


Uploaded with iPhone client

Spongemom Scrappants
In my happy place.

PeaNut 297,141
February 2007
Posts: 11,600
Layouts: 31
Loc: South Carolina

Posted: 12/4/2012 5:43:59 AM

I would simply accept it graciously (I assume you will be getting a replacement in your size) and be sure to wear it around her.

Try not to think about this in light of your past relationship with her. Maybe this is an opportunity to color how your future relationship with her will go. Be the bigger person.








jgpea
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 378,405
June 2008
Posts: 2,085
Layouts: 9

Posted: 12/4/2012 7:20:14 AM
I've had two MILs and there is no way in heck I'd tell either one of them I didn't like their gift.

Uploaded with iPhone client

SDeven
Love Letters Pea

PeaNut 65,852
January 2003
Posts: 29,328
Layouts: 385
Loc: Nashville, TN!

Posted: 12/4/2012 7:24:07 AM
What would it really cost you to wear it once or twice when she's around?






aerynkelly13
PeaFixture

PeaNut 176,471
November 2004
Posts: 3,617
Layouts: 34
Loc: Big Bear Lake, SoCal

Posted: 12/4/2012 8:09:53 PM
DH and I, TOGETHER, had to have a conversation with my MIL about her buying us things. I bought a stuffed bear once, during a trip to visit her (they live in another state), and so she assumed I loved bears. I liked THAT BEAR. The one I bought. Not bears in general.

Too late. Avalanche of bears, bits, bobs, and any random nick nacks she could find came every year, because that was how she kept her house. Bits of homey stuff that looks nice at her place, but really isn't my style at all. We live in a tiny 700sqft home, downgraded from a 1200sqft home. We don't even have room for the utility stuff we use every day. And the same thing happened to DH. His mom sent him TONS of stuff that he'd never use, and there's only so many decorative pillows he can have on his futon in their work office. So we had to just talk to her and say "we really appreciate that you think of us, but please, don't spend your money on us like this. Our house is much too small and we don't have anywhere to display all the things you give us."

Then we took about 4 car loads of stuff over to Goodwill.



GoBucs!
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 16,888
June 2001
Posts: 2,945
Layouts: 8
Loc: CNY

Posted: 12/4/2012 8:16:47 PM

What would it really cost you to wear it once or twice when she's around?


The problem is MIL will see her wearing it which will cause MIL to think that the OP likes it, and then the OP may get more gifts like it in the future.


~~Kaye~~

My Blog

lespea
I Typo & I don't care

PeaNut 270,444
July 2006
Posts: 11,062
Layouts: 54
Loc: Here.

Posted: 12/4/2012 8:21:58 PM

I would simply accept it graciously (I assume you will be getting a replacement in your size) and be sure to wear it around her.

Try not to think about this in light of your past relationship with her. Maybe this is an opportunity to color how your future relationship with her will go.
This. ITA.


- - - The glass isn't half full or half empty. It's just twice as big as it needs to be. Downsize your life. <3 - - -
Post Reply . Post New TopicShow/Hide Icons . Show/Hide Signatures
Hide
{{ title }}
{{ icon }}
{{ body }}
{{ footer }}