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Posted 12/10/2012 by Georgiapea in NSBR Board

Mom to the Wild Things.

PeaNut 96,783
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Posted: 12/10/2012 10:41:39 AM
I'm reading about this topic and find it fascinating. There are as yet no adults who have been raised this way. The oldest children are just now entering their teens.

It will be so interesting to see where this goes. I'm really hoping the Pea who has a family member practicing this parenting style will continue to post about how it develops in her particular family.

Shih Tzu Mommy
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PeaNut 224,352
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:38:59 PM
What are the basic tentpoles of this approach?

Dog people are a special breed!

lunch is for wimps

PeaNut 261,669
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Posted: 12/10/2012 12:46:21 PM
If you're talking about my sister, I don't think this is the method she is using. Nothing I am reading about this method really fits her situation. My niece isn't even talking yet so I don't know if discipline will be avoided in favor of coming to an agreed upon solution between parent and child. That seems to be a basic tenant of TCS. it's way too early to call her style TCS. I'm just going to stick with "crazy".

blue tulip

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Posted: 12/10/2012 2:08:18 PM
that thread made me look it up too. i don't see how it will end well for the majority of the kids, but we'll see. i say that because one of my friends seems to be doing this, tho i don't think she's ever heard of the actual movement. but their 6 year old runs their house and them. he goes to bed whenever he wants, at the detriment of his parent's schedules. right now he goes to bed about 2 or 3am and sleeps til after noon. they tried kindergarten last year, but the kid has had no dicipline or boundaries, so he basically refused to do anything the teachers asked that he didn't want to do. after 3 calls the first week, they decided to pull him out and homeschool him. not sure how much of that is going on.

the kid is very bright, can read no problem. but he has no respect for his parents when they try to tell him not to do something, or ask him to do anything he doesn't want to. she told me last week that she and her husband were leaving out of state to see family for thanksgiving and "(boy) flat out told us he wasn't going, because he would miss his (live-in)grandma and cats". so they let him stay home. i'm sorry, no 6yr old would flat out tell me anything like that. she said he would just cry on the trip anyway, that they tried it before and gave up af ter 20 minutes and brought him home and her husband had to stay home with him, missing work.

if parents try to start disciplining, gramma will just allow him to do whatever he wants. parents and gramma fight all the time, so they all end up caving to whatever kid wants to keep the peace. the parents are very smart, and they seem to be encouraging this "thinking outside the box" attitude where it's ok for their son to be a completely independant thinker and challenge everything. personally, i am of the thought that at 6yrs old, he doesn't have the knowledge and responsibility to be challenging anything a person of authority tells him. do what you're told, learn boundaries and respect, and when you are older you can sort exploring things. the boy has no close friends, he plays with my boys sometimes but has a lot of social issues.

sorry, that got long. basically i was trying to say that they allow their kid to choose what he wants to do, learn, sleep and whatever he says goes pretty much. not much "working together" like the TCS plan, but still very similar.

Shih Tzu Mommy
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PeaNut 224,352
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Posted: 12/10/2012 3:06:08 PM

There are as yet no adults who have been raised this way.
Well, I don't think that is true. I knew a few families in Santa Cruz, CA in the late 60s/early 70s that were 'raising' their children that way.

Bad parenting has been around a long time, it isn't a new thing!

Dog people are a special breed!

Stay Gold, Ponyboy

PeaNut 41,779
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Posted: 12/10/2012 3:07:54 PM
I don't know if my cousin read about TCS parenting, but she has parented her only daughter this way. She's in her early teens and definitely shows the effects of having this parenting style used on her.

I hope my cousin has saved up for the therapy bills.

"She is too fond of books, and it has turned her brain." - Louisa May Alcott

Restless Spirit
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 218,419
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Posted: 12/10/2012 3:53:15 PM
I rarely post personal information here, but I so want to comment on this.

My late sister-in-law raised her two sons (in California) this way. One was born in the late 70's the other in the early 80's. When she came "back home" to visit with the boys, no one allowed to say no to them. The philosophy was that it would damaged their self esteem. The children made their own food choices, clothing choices, play choices. Everything was child directed. Discipline was non-existant.

(She was also pro-elimination communication and believed at least one of the boys was an indigo child, if not both. Very new-agey.)

Let's just say once the boys became teens.....for whatever reason, it did not end well.


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PeaNut 526,154
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Posted: 12/10/2012 4:26:30 PM
I have heard of unschooling where the kid just does whatever they want, on their own schedule, and it extends to parenting.

The concern I would have is when the parent has to suffer negative consequences for the child's choices. For example, the child hates to brush his teeth so he never does it.

Then he ends up with a throbbing tooth (bc he never went to the dentist) and the parents end up paying for a root canal, since the child doesn't have any money.

As an adult, I find I spend 80% of my time doing things I don't like and don't want to do, for the 20% of freedom I have. Isn't that the way it is for most people? I don't like brushing my teeth but I hate root canals more so I brush.

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