I need opinions on daycare child situation. long

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Posted 12/10/2012 by caroscraps in NSBR Board
 

caroscraps
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Posted: 12/10/2012 3:56:25 PM
I have two children I keep after school and on school holidays. I have had them for 6 years. The oldest is in 4th grade and youngest in 1st.

The oldest loves crafts as I do. I am working on a project on my kitchen table and somethings has gone missing, a pkg of google eyes. I have looked over and over for them and cannot find them. I had everything laid out on the table to work on several more projects using the eyes. The other things are still there but not the pkg of eyes.

Over the last 6 to 8 months I have noticed personal things in my kitchen/living area either moved around or "messed" with. It also happened at my DD's house in her master bath and we know this kid did it but cannot prove it. My kitchen/family area is an open area but I don't watch this child 24/7. In the bathroom, things have been removed from the under sink cabinet, nothing big but things that do not belong to this child.

I am at a loss as to what to do. I have not been able to prove anything and even with the google eyes I keep thinking I have moved them but I know I haven't.

I also believe this child has gone into my purse and gotten my hand sanitizer out. Even though it was put back it was on top of the purse and not where it should have been. I tried to "set a trap" so to speak to see if I could figure out if this child is doing these things.

What should I do? How can I speak to the parents if I don't have know for certain this child has done these things?

It is the oldest child not the younger one.

I have mentioned to this child to please ask me before using certain things.

What do you all think I should do?


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Miss Lerins Momma
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Posted: 12/10/2012 5:09:23 PM
Can you say something to the mom? Or have a talk with the child. Just tell them that you don't mind them touching your stuff but they need to tell you beforehand?








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kimberly38
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Posted: 12/10/2012 5:28:05 PM
As someone who used to do in home babysitting, first of all, I would never leave stuff out of mine where my daycare kids could get into it.

But, if you must, I would not be letting this kid alone too long. If she goes to the bathroom, knock on the door within a minute or so, or wait by the door and immdediately go in after her and check things out. Look at her as she walks out of bathroom. Does she have her hands closed? is there anything she could put into her hands or clothes?

Also, check her coat and backpack shortly before she leaves and mom gets there. Maybe give her a snack in kitchen and then check thru her things.

I would talk to the kid before going to the mom once you have proof she has taken something or done something she was not supposed to.

Also, my kids only had certain rooms they could be in or go into. They were not allowed upstairs unless one of my chidlren invited them into their bedroom(s). If there is alot of stuff in this bathroom, (powder room?), that you can move out, then I would do so and only keep the basics in.

KittenOnTheKeys
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Posted: 12/10/2012 6:04:12 PM
When my kids were young, I had little chime alarms on cabinets/doors so I could tell if they were trying to get into something. I could see using these same alarms for this purpose.



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Posted: 12/10/2012 6:49:37 PM
I would confront the child and if they do not come clean, then I would consider telling the parents they need to find other care. I could not have a thief in my home like that.



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caroscraps
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Posted: 12/10/2012 6:55:26 PM
My daycare kids are not allowed anywhere in my house but the kitchen/living area which is very open. I moved everything that was interesting to this child on top of the fridge so they can't get to it without moving a chair which I would know immediately. It's nothing dangerous because my home is childproof but it is little things that I shouldn't have to move and the child should leave alone.


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slkmommy
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Posted: 12/10/2012 9:11:00 PM
Fourth grade is about age 10? Is she involved in the crafts you are making or are they just there when she's there?

When I was 10 I was curious...I opened my share of medicine cabinets when visiting friends houses. Opened closet doors. I wasn't mean spirited I was curious.

I don't think anyone's home I was ever in noticed. I didn't go in people's bedrooms and snoop. But I was naturally curious. I honestly don't remember if I 'moved' things when I looked.

If the only thing missing was google eyes in all the years...I'd certainly not be calling her a thief and having her mom find other care.

I guess maybe I'm just a little confused. If she got in your purse and moved stuff I would just tell her that she shouldn't.


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slkmommy
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Posted: 12/10/2012 9:13:13 PM
I forgot to ask what activities they are doing while you watch them?


sherri

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caroscraps
7 Sweetpeas for me

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Posted: 12/10/2012 9:25:09 PM
I have all kinds of things for her to do, bracelet making, coloring intricate designs w/markers, making things w/foam.

All the crafts for the children are set out for them in a container and they know what they can use. She was interested in the project I was making. I explained what I was doing, who it was for and how many I was making.

If this was a first time thing I might let it go but it isn't and I feel it isn't helping her to keep letting things slide.

I will not ask the mom to find other child care. I would rather help the child get to the reasons behind why she thinks it's ok to take things that aren't hers.


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*~*amanda*~*
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Posted: 12/10/2012 9:25:58 PM
I think Id be upset as you are, but I also think that if there is something you don't want the kids to mess with then you need to put it away.

Google eyes or other items on the table? Move them to a bedroom when the kids are there.

Going in your purse is a bit different I believe, but still, you could move your purse to the bedroom.

I would try talking to the child about limits and boundaries, then try moving things to 'off limit' areas of your home.

If things still disappear and get moved around then I would speak to the child's parents about it.



_Betsy_
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Posted: 12/10/2012 9:32:55 PM
Watch her like a hawk. When she starts touching your things, tell her that's not hers to use/touch/play with. Explain to her what she is doing wrong.

Other than the uber-tempting goggly eyes, have you noticed anything else missing? If so, insist on a pockets and backpack search before leaves at night.

freecharlie
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Posted: 12/10/2012 9:43:59 PM
I think without proof, you can just say something about missing googly eyes and has she seen them.

I know you are pretty sure it is the older one, but I remember a friend's children. Because the younger one was always curious and into stuff we thought she kept taking little things. Turns out it was the older one even though everybody thought it would the younger one.


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caroscraps
7 Sweetpeas for me

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Posted: 12/11/2012 12:22:20 PM
Thanks for the replies. The curiosity thing is the truth for this child and I have no problem with being curious, in fact, that is what helps a child learn. But I do have a problem with said child taking things that aren't hers to take and thinking it is ok. She is comfortable being here and with me and it's probably her thinking she can do what she wants and not being malicious as far as being at my house.

Taking something out of my house that is clearly not hers is wrong and could lead to further problems as she gets older being in other places. I want to be able to trust her.

I would really be shocked if it was the younger child as he hates crafts.


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MerryMom937
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Posted: 12/11/2012 12:31:32 PM
I would make a general announcement to the kids that items have come up missing such as a package of googly eyes. I would tell them that taking things is stealing. I would also tell them that under circumstances should anyone get into your purse.

I would tell them that if it happens again, then the children's packs, pockets etc. will be checked by the parents when the kids are picked up.

Then that day as the parents came to pick up their children, I would tell them each individually that as items have come up missing such as a package of googly eyes and whatever other items, and that kids have been getting into your purse, that you made an announcement and that if it happens again, that the parent will need to search the kids belongings before they leave.

Then as I do each craft, I would tell the kids (while looking directly at your "suspect" most of the time), that you counted everything that was out and nothing should come up missing OR the crafts will cease.

I wouldn't have my purse anywhere near where the kids can get into it, but that's how I roll regarding my purse.

Kinley-pea
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Posted: 12/11/2012 2:45:01 PM
Well, you could do what I do. I posted last week I think on the 5 year old I am watching who is stealing (still btw but not from me)

I put her backpack out of reach when she gets here and I don't let her go to other rooms in the house. I put my purse on top of the fridge and she is allowed certain areas to play.









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caroscraps
7 Sweetpeas for me

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Posted: 12/11/2012 2:51:31 PM
This what I did today at snack time. "I was planning on letting the two of you make these cute reindeer bags but my google eyes are missing. I can't find them anywhere and I have looked and looked. If you can find them, put them on the table." Said child would not look at me. I left the room and whispering started between the two of them.

They looked and looked but couldn't find them. We will see what happens tomorrow and see if they magically appear.


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backtoscrap
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Posted: 12/11/2012 2:53:11 PM
I think I would have a conversation with her. Non accusatory. something like, gee Mary, you won't believe this but someone has taken some of my things. blah blah blah, I talked to the police and they told me if if keeps happening they will come and finger print. I hope it's no one I know I'd hate to see them in trouble but I don't know what else to do. Hopefully that in itself will scare her into stopping if it is indeed her.

sammi71
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Posted: 12/11/2012 2:58:56 PM
I really don't understand why you can't approach the parents of a child you have looked after for six years about your concerns.

Oh No!
BucketHead

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Posted: 12/11/2012 3:01:40 PM
I would never keep my purse in a place that gives a day care child easy access.

Also, why not offer a reward. Hey kids, I lost my pack of google eyes, and would really like to find them rather than go buy more. Double cookies to the person who finds them for me!

And, in the future, try to keep things that are tempting put away. If they are only there for after school, that should be easy enough. Get one of those big trays from Target Housewares dept. and load your project pieces on that and put it on your bed until the kiddles go home.

I had a problem with a parent taking her badly behaved child out of church to play in my Sunday School room. When church was over, they walked out leaving a huge mess. They got into the play dough and left it all out. Since my dh is the pastor, it's a delicate situation. Don't want to offend them, but they need to leave things purchased for Sunday School alone, especially if they don't have the manners to put away nicely. I put it all away where it can't be easily found. Temptation eliminated.
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