Thread S/O of receiving presents. Who did NOT receive any Christmas presents?

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Posted 12/25/2012 by FLCindy in NSBR Board
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FLCindy
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Posted: 12/25/2012 4:38:20 PM
Who did NOT receive any Christmas presents? How are you feeling about it?



sharonmnc
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Posted: 12/25/2012 4:59:08 PM
We came to London for Christmas so we didn't want to drag presents on a plane. I'm through buying presents just for the hell if it anyway. My husband bought me the sweetest gift before Christmas. Not expensive but something I'll always love. Works for me.


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beachgurl
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Posted: 12/25/2012 5:04:48 PM
No gifts, but my dgd did call and sing me a merry christmas song. That was all I needed.




karynhaines
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Posted: 12/25/2012 5:08:47 PM
This is a rough Christmas. My son just started a new job today and the other son is not in a position to buy gifts this year. With the passing of my mother on Saturday it has just not been a jovial finale to the holiday season. Add on to that the very sour ending to a recent relationship and all of the thieving and then add the bills he ran up there just wasn't a need or desire for gifts and I am good with that. I usually just buy myself something I want and so I went ahead and placed a 25$ 2peas order and I am really okay with that


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_Betsy_
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Posted: 12/25/2012 5:13:48 PM
We just bought a house and moved this weekend. The kids were lucky they ended up with anything from us!

We had previously agreed not to buy for adults this year with DH's siblings, and my sister and I stopped exchanging a while back.

Regardless, it's been the best Christmas ever! A house, happy, excited kids, wonderful family and my parents visit next week.

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Posted: 12/25/2012 5:29:41 PM
Me, but my sons made presents at school and chose to give them to their new brother instead of me, which is a good enough present for this mom!! I'm so proud of them.
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Posted: 12/25/2012 5:32:20 PM
Karyn, I'm so sorry.


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luvmythree
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Posted: 12/25/2012 5:47:40 PM
I'm sorry as well Karyn. I did get a shirt and earrings from my neighbor. I don't expect things so I was thankful they thought of me


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enjoytotheend
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Posted: 12/25/2012 5:53:39 PM
I didn't get much presents wise. But presence wise I was good to be in my grandma's presence. I knew today and yesterday would be hard for me so I bought myself a few magazines (I love magazines and use to buy them all of the time but don't anymore), some chocolate and a one month subscription to hulu plus since netflix was acting up. I am fine with that. I am learning to really be grateful for what I do have. One of my friends did bake me a loaf of bread. I got 8 rolls of toilet paper and probiotics with some missing from my grandma's friend and a gift card from my uncle and his family which was so sweet. That was probably my highlight besides my grandma still being alive.

mom2cameron
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Posted: 12/25/2012 6:00:35 PM
ME and I am not too excited about it but its life.


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Posted: 12/25/2012 6:04:36 PM
By mutual agreement we did not exchange gifts. Instead we donated to charities. I feel really good about it.

Sorry for your loss Karyn

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Posted: 12/25/2012 6:07:06 PM
Me...but I'm okay with it this year.


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bethany1023
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Posted: 12/25/2012 6:41:27 PM
My presents this year were not material. After 12 months unemployed DH got a job. My car died last week and we had to replace it, DHs parents flew us out to their home so that was their gift. I posted earlier, many blessings but no gifts this year.
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pretzels
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Posted: 12/25/2012 6:43:50 PM
DH and I did not exchange gifts. I got a new car six weeks ago and he got the new Surface tablet. I'm OK with it, although it felt weird.


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Posted: 12/25/2012 6:59:34 PM
I came up with two really good gifts for bil, dh didn't think he'd like them but bil loved them. Bil sent ds a gift card and dh two gifts. Me? None. I'm done putting any effort into his gifts, but now that dh has found a winner, he'll buy the same thing each year. Oh, and I just remembered that bil did the same thing last year with gifts. Now I'm really tweaked that I spent any effort on his gifts this year.





ScrapBrooke
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Posted: 12/25/2012 7:08:51 PM
My husband is awesome in many ways, but when it comes to giving gifts he stinks. So this morning, 5 out of 6 members of my family opened gifts while I didn't. I didn't want anything big, just to be remembered.

This evening my IL's gave me cash as they do every year and I actually like that because I can buy what I like throughout the year.



Peabay
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Posted: 12/25/2012 7:12:34 PM
Love to all of you who are hurting this holiday season.



Emelle64
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Posted: 12/25/2012 8:46:45 PM
We're in India on holiday for 3 weeks so no real Christmas celebrations here. We did give each of our kids an "experience" gift---I'm taking DD to Lord of the Dance in January and my DH is taking DS to Billy Talent in April. I didn't receive any gifts (nor did my DH) but I did get a nice card from my DH so that's good enough for me.

I'm truly sorry for those who had to watch others open gifts and got nothing themselves.

Emelle

Robbin
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Posted: 12/25/2012 8:57:52 PM
Karyn, I am so sorry.

My husband lost his job at the end of November...a bit of a shock after 25 years! Thankfully, he was hired into a GREAT new position, but with a pretty big cut in pay I am just happy we were able to get the kids some really great things!

We only did stockings this year, and even that my husband is not very good at...so I am a little sad. Trying not to let it bug me, but it does a little.

I am hoping that next year will be better!





SL3scrap
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:00:18 PM
That would be me also today. Sometimes being a single parent stinks!! My kids are older even 19 and 15 but no gifts. It has been a long hard day for many reasons the least is no gifts!!


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shutterbugmom27
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Posted: 12/25/2012 9:03:18 PM
Me. I never get anything. I am kind of used to it. It would be nice to have presents to open on Christmas morning or something in my stocking that I did not buy.

Oh well.


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Charabby
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Posted: 12/25/2012 10:51:21 PM
every year when I am reminded that there are men out there who sit there while they and their kids open gifts and mom has nothing, my blood boils on all those mom's behalf.

It just does not compute for me that any grown man would allow this to go on.

((((hugs))))) to all those wives.

And ((((hugs)))) to those families impacted by unemployment, single parenthood, and all the other things that make life hard, and even harder this time of year.


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Posted: 12/25/2012 11:11:01 PM
Me, but that's because my ex messed up my plans by being late to meet the boys... and spending that extra time with my boys was more important than anything else.

I'll get... and give... a gift or two tomorrow or the next day, and I'm okay with that.

luvmythree
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Posted: 12/25/2012 11:23:07 PM
I wish I could give all of us who didn't get gifts from the other half something even if just a small gift it's nice to be remembered now and then.


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Posted: 12/26/2012 5:57:37 AM

My hubby was showered with gifts this year--and for me nothing! (Unless you count the bag of coffee and coffee cup ornament he picked up Christmas Eve)


This irrationally pisses me off. I'm so sorry.

Do you mind if I ask a question? Was his father like that? You know how we're all always saying that the kids learn how to treat others by watching us? Is that what he learned? Does he just not know better?



devildog
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Posted: 12/26/2012 6:26:31 AM
I read this thread last night, and I was shocked. Reading it again this morning, I'm pissed for those of you that are married to men that think it's okay to do this. There is no excuse in the world that would EVER make it okay, especially those of you that have kids.

What kind of father teaches their kids it's okay to just leave out their mother? It's the season of giving, NOT taking. I just cannot wrap my brain around a father, husband, sitting there opening up all of these gifts, all the while leaving their spouse to sit there and watch.

It's cruel. It's selfish.

They don't like Christmas? They had a horrible life? Their own fathers were like this? This is just how they are? Nothing makes it okay.



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Posted: 12/26/2012 6:31:34 AM
I have to agree with Natalie. This thread makes me sad and angry for all of you, I wish we could form a pea posse and kick some sense into these men. It's one thing if you agree not to exchange gifts but when it happens from thoughtlessness or self absorption, it's just wrong.



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Posted: 12/26/2012 8:13:17 AM
DH and I never exchange gifts. We splurge on the kids, and often will get something for the house.

Our oldest DD has her first job, and bought DH & I both something. I got a lovely brie baker, which is something I don't own!

And then when DH's sister & family arrived for breakfast, they brought me a gift. They had come across a lovely tree ornament that was a slice of cake, and bought it just for me. Aw!

We're off to my Mom's today, and she always gets DH and I a joint gift basket, usually with a cheque attached. DH and I always splurge on ourselves with that cheque!


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FLCindy
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Posted: 12/26/2012 8:17:45 AM
It's the loss of celebration with my family. We would all go to my Mom's for Christmas Eve and celebrate-over the years we paired down our gift giving as no one needs anything. DH, DS and I would stay overnight.

My Mom decided to stop it as the tradition is passed down to the "next" Grandmother, which is now my Sister. My nephew and his fiance had a baby in June.

Mom decided to go to Las Vegas to celebrate Christmas with my Brother and SIL. Good for her! Her health is getting worse and she deserves to do what she wants while she can.




Lumo
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Posted: 12/26/2012 8:21:52 AM
Well, with 3 ER visits in the past month and a half between DH and myself, we mutually agreed not to exchange. We decided to wait and give Valentine's gifts instead, which we normally don't do. We both were fine with this arrangement.


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Posted: 12/26/2012 8:25:14 AM

For me it really isn't the present, it is the thought or effort made.

I cannot fathom giving no gift at all to someone you love - especially someone sitting across from you on Christmas day. My heart aches for anyone who gets slighted in this way.

And for those dealing with job loss or lack of finances, why not simply a homemade card, handwritten gift certificate for a car wash/back rub/chore of some sort?

There's simply no good reason to give someone nothing at all.








SweetieBsMom
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Posted: 12/26/2012 9:05:03 AM
Me. But it is what it is. Unfortunately I'm used to it.

momy2six
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Posted: 12/26/2012 9:09:03 AM
this is the first year of me flat out telling dh we weren't exchanging gifts. (after years of half ass effort, I was just done. last year we agreed to a $100 budget for eah of us. I bought dh a food dehydrator, a jerkey gun, a mag light, and wool socks. I eeked every penny out of that hundred. What did I get? a ten dollar book. The year before when he saw the multiple gifts for him under the tree, he rushed out christmas morning and got me a cheap pair of computer speakers from the drug store. hence the "budget" idea the following year. fail.) I honestly felt fine about not getting anything from him this year since I had freed myself from putting effort into getting him anything. UNTIL he spent half of Christmas eve ordering stuff for his hobby to the tune of over $350. I give up. I did get stuff from my oldest children.. which I appreciate greatly.. it just still hurts to feel so unimportant to your "life partner"



WingNut
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Posted: 12/26/2012 9:32:23 AM
I rec'd no gifts yesterday. Several years ago, I realized that it wasn't worth it to have to practically provide everything to the n'th detail short of going out buying it myself, wrapping it and putting it under the tree.

So, I said...no more. I don't want anything. What I want or need, I'll buy myself. Or, I'll simply be happy with what I have. This started in 2009, the year we got our horses. After a year of having my dreams since childhood come true, along with the money and hard labor that went into making this a reality, why on earth did I need a gift of any kind under the tree? I had 4 of the best gifts ever right out my back door! And we also had narrowly made it through a colic episode with our youngest horse only a week before. Our very own Christmas miracle!

That year gave me a whole new perspective. I don't want to have to force anyone to get me a gift. That's not what the whole thing suppose to be about. From my husband especially, I accept that he is never going to be the great gift ever. Its not in his DNA.

Instead, the small and sometimes big things he does throughout the year are a continual gift. Like when we get a truckload of hay, which he loads on the truck, and he unloads it into the tackroom (anywhere from 25-50 bales weighing 35lbs each) because he is able to do it efficiently and quickly. It would take me 4x or more in time to do the same and my stacking would be awful. He gets up on the weekends and takes care of the early morning feeding so I can sleep in. He makes sure to tell me of any silly thing the horses or the barn cat do while he's out there with them because he knows how much I enjoy hearing about these kind of things.

Don't get me wrong, it's still a bit of an adjustment to not listen to my inner 5 yr old who wants to whine a bit on Christmas morning!

I also "treat" myself as I feel I'm able. Last month, I decided that I was going to use my quarterly bonus to buy the new Nook HD. I ended up going with the HD+. I also bought the accessories and later bought a pair of bluetooth headphones. I very much enjoyed using this yesterday as I listened to "The Hobbit" on my iPhone and played UNO on my tablet.

Really? what do I have to complain about?


Joy


SillyRabbit
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Posted: 12/26/2012 10:06:51 AM
I had a fabulous Christmas getting some gadgets and things we needed for the house. But the only wrapped gift was one I bought for myself and wrapped. DS did go shopping for me and bought me a copy of The Hobbit but DH was supposed to wrap it and he didn't. DS gave him heck over that.


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Posted: 12/26/2012 12:10:03 PM

I have to agree with Natalie. This thread makes me sad and angry for all of you, I wish we could form a pea posse and kick some sense into these men. It's one thing if you agree not to exchange gifts but when it happens from thoughtlessness or self absorption, it's just wrong.


Me too. There is no good reason why hubby's that are clueless what to materially buy, can't at the very least, sit their ass down and write a thoughtful letter.
I wish I could smack some sense into some of these men. I feel sad that some of the ladies have put up with it for so long that you given up and made excuses for them.


Well Peas, I believe this thread has gone Thrusday.
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wookiemouse
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Posted: 12/26/2012 2:34:21 PM
Me neither. But hubby is screwed up in the head from PTSD, so he has an excuse. I DIDN'T get complaining this year (usually he corners me in the evening and bitches that I'm not giving him enough attention....with buying everyone's gifts, cooking for 3 families and taking care of the house and kids on my own, SORRY you're out of the loop), so that is a gift in itself. I am bummed tho - usually one of the kids makes something in school and gives it to me. ODS made a cool wall hanging and gave it to DH instead.

TripletMom
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Posted: 12/26/2012 3:36:06 PM
It's not about the gifts, right? That's what I keep telling myself.


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TalissaAmity
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Posted: 12/26/2012 5:06:17 PM
Hugs to you all who did not receive a gift, I feel sad for you. I too can't imagine a man who is prepared to sit there and open presents and watch his wife sit there empty handed. It's inconsiderate and lazy.
So his 'language of love' isn't giving gifts, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out your wife would appreciate some recognition at Christmas.

I really think next year you need to provide them with a list of items at the end of November, with instructions that they are to purchase any number of items so as to spend x amount of dollars.
Provide website links if necessary. This should at least cut out the excuse of 'I didn't know what to buy' and 'I didn't have time'.

Also a heart to heart talk about why you are hurt not to receive a present from your partner is in order.

I'm sorry, but he cooks and cleans and works and does other things is not an acceptable excuse for not buying your wife a present. Cooking and cleaning and working are part of being an adult.

I hope things improve for next year ladies.



fiddlerontheroof
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Posted: 12/26/2012 5:43:16 PM
It was a close thing for me this year. My husband didn't ask me once what I wanted (he usually asks as he needs a little assistance with coming up with something) and we've been fighting, so I really thought that this year he'd not get me anything. But, when he said he had to "do something" on Christmas Eve Day, I had a feeling he was picking up something.

In the end, I ended up with a gift card to Michael's. He was going to get me a g.c. to the local yarn store that I hope to take knitting classes at in 2013, but they were closed, apparently. So, the thought was even there. Plus, I'd never complain about a g.c. to Michaels

But, I really was worried for a couple of weeks...I feel for everyone out there who weren't given anything by their S.O.



molove
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Posted: 12/26/2012 5:49:33 PM
This is extremely sad, bordering on pathetic.
I exclude the couples that truly, mutually agree that you aren't exchanging any gifts.

Most of these situations result in broken hearts, feeling hurt and disrespected. Language of love, WHAT? Oh no, that does not fly. I think that's what folks say when they are disappointed. Most men do fix things around the house and build things (if they know how!) Kind and caring husbands want their wives to be happy. To buy NOTHING is a real statment. A real clear message is being sent there.

Yubon
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Posted: 12/26/2012 6:50:14 PM
OMG everyone, just shut up. These women chose their spouses and choose to stay with them every damn day. That's their problem, not anyone else's.

I'm more concerned about the millions of kids around the world who get nothing. Ever. I'm not concerned about whimpering housewives.

Although if I go ahead and lie and say I got nothing, will someone mail me some free shit? Can I start a Paypal button?



Yubon
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Posted: 12/26/2012 6:56:58 PM
Bless your heart. You deserve SO MANY presents!


Kelleylo
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Posted: 12/26/2012 7:54:39 PM 
Yubon, I say this with as much hatefulness that I can muster for another human being.

YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP.

You are nothing more than an vapid bitch, ugly, nasty person.

So to you, Merry Christmas and FUCK THE HELL OFF YOU NASTY BITCH.




Yubon
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Posted: 12/26/2012 7:23:46 PM
You also have no idea how I am at home. None. You said it yourself on another recent thread. Real personas and online ones can be very different. Everyone in my life is very glad to have me, both human and feline LOL. I am one of the most generous people you will ever meet, but I expect nothing in return, unlike the majority of Peas, apparently. We talk about "entitled" kids, but geesh. Adults can be just as bad.

I didn't personally go after any specific person on this thread. You did. If a lack of gifts upsets you so much, where it sends you into a depression for 3 days and you act all hateful on a message board, then maybe you should look into therapy. Just sayin'.



Yubon
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Posted: 12/26/2012 7:35:03 PM
I'm hardly ever here. And I've helped many a Pea with many o' things over the years. You can keep talking all you want but I'm afraid you won't get much of a reaction out of me. Sticks and stones, etc. Carry on.



biochemipea
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Posted: 12/26/2012 7:35:31 PM
I say each and everyone of you who did not receive any gifts from your family needs to sit them down, and say that being so thoughtless is totally unacceptable.

If you don't tell them what's wrong, and how to fix it, they probably won't change.






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Loc: 10,000 Lakes and Double Cities!

Posted: 12/26/2012 7:37:04 PM
DH may not get much or exactly what I want, but he makes a huge effort. I sorry to you Peas who feel like no one makes an effort. It's hurtful to think that to do so much and no one can take you into account also.



SockMonkey
LibrariaNerd

PeaNut 56,220
November 2002
Posts: 29,828
Layouts: 184
Loc: Illinois

Posted: 12/26/2012 7:41:18 PM
Man, I don't know what the answer to this problem is. All I can say is that I would never be with someone who so disregarded my feelings. I mean, it's frickin' CHRISTMAS. Same time every year, plenty of time to save, plenty of opportunities to find out what someone might like. If gifts are important to you and your husband constantly doesn't come through (and money is not a barrier), I have to imagine he's just a straight up jerk.


So, dear Pea husbands who don't bother to get your wives gifts because you can't be bothered/it's not your love-language*/you're too drunk/stupid/careless/clueless: You're assholes!







*While we're at it, screw love-languages. Sounds like a bunch of bullshit excuses for not being a functioning, fully communicating human being.

Christine58
pea'rific teacher Union President

PeaNut 164,125
August 2004
Posts: 23,833
Layouts: 0
Loc: Western NY

Posted: 12/26/2012 7:41:25 PM
Maybe we all should be thinking about those families in Newtown CT who don't have their loved ones with them this holiday season. Or the firemen's families in Webster NY whose sons were killed by an asshole.




Some people only dream of angels, I have held one in my arms.





sues
"Surrounded by thugs."

PeaNut 16,228
June 2001
Posts: 33,204
Layouts: 71
Loc: SW Chicago suburbs

Posted: 12/26/2012 7:48:25 PM

I say each and everyone of you who did not receive any gifts from your family needs to sit them down, and say that being so thoughtless is totally unacceptable.
If you don't tell them what's wrong, and how to fix it, they probably won't change.

This is always brought up as a solution...and it's just not as simple as that. I guess you can't get it if you aren't dealing with it- but it's just not that easy.

My husband is great about 99% of things- but he really sucks as a gift giver. After 25 years, I have given up hope that he will change. Every once in awhile he surprises me- and that's great- but usually if there's a hope for thought and effort, it's a big disappointment. This year I fought for the 'Let's not exchange'- and we didn't. I was good with it, but I know he missed the presents. He loves getting presents. (You'd think that would translate into being a decent gift giver, but it doesn't.)

Anyway- like I said- he's 99% terrific. I just admit defeat on the gift thing. After this long- I'm not changing him.
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