PVM - 100 ppl invited to a baby shower is too many right?

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Posted 1/17/2013 by Free~Bird in NSBR Board
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PeaNut 104,551
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Posted: 1/17/2013 6:14:41 PM
My sister is having a baby and has lots of clients that she wants to invite. It's about 100 ppl. Even if only half show up that's still a lot of ppl to wrangle. Plus I really wasn't planning on the expense of *100* ppl.


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PeaNut 288,003
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Posted: 1/17/2013 6:16:39 PM
That's twice as many people as I had at my wedding!


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PeaNut 65,852
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Posted: 1/17/2013 6:19:50 PM
Unless her name is Kate Middleton, that's insane.

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PeaNut 54,671
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Posted: 1/17/2013 6:19:57 PM
I think it's way too many. I prefer smaller showers - I think I had three showers for my first; two had about 20 people each, and another had 6-8. They were fun and personal. A shower for 100 people sounds more like a "gift grab" to me.


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PeaNut 268,201
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Posted: 1/17/2013 6:23:49 PM
No way! It would feel like a gift grab to me if I attended a shower with that many invited people. Plus, no offense, but it would be pretty boring to hang around that long with people I didn't know watching 100 baby gifts being unopened.

I would think she could have more than one shower (I think we ended up with 4 for our first dd - dh's family out of state, my family locally, my friends from work, our church friends...) It wouldn't be that fun for me as the new Mom either - to not be able to visit a little with my guests because there were just too many!

We had lots of friends who were never invited to baby showers just come by after our babies were born. They wanted to see the new baby and generally brought a gift. What I'm saying is that you don't have to host a shower for everyone who might want to give your sister and new baby a gift!

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PeaNut 224,352
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Posted: 1/17/2013 6:24:17 PM

20 to 25 would be the max. Goodness!

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PeaNut 156,993
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Posted: 1/17/2013 6:25:11 PM

Yeah, too many.

Clients? How clients? What sort of business are we talking about? How close is she to all of these clients?

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PeaNut 16,696
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Posted: 1/17/2013 6:26:51 PM
No way! The work people can do their own shower!

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PeaNut 69,237
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Posted: 1/17/2013 6:29:25 PM
Yes, that's a lot!


PeaNut 354,541
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Posted: 1/17/2013 6:32:13 PM
Holy crap that's ridiculous. Showers should be close friends and family only.

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PeaNut 109,127
September 2003
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Posted: 1/17/2013 6:33:12 PM
Too many people and increadibly rude if she is expecting for you to pay for it.

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PeaNut 25,270
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Posted: 1/17/2013 6:40:44 PM
Unless she is extremely close to her clients then it would be tacky to invite them, imo! What does she do for a living?

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PeaNut 481,431
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Posted: 1/17/2013 6:45:35 PM
Isn't it kind of gauche to invite clinets? I think it should just be close family and friends.

I think inviting any kind of clients, unless also friends, is sort of awkward. I would never have done that.

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PeaNut 11,942
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Posted: 1/17/2013 6:45:46 PM
I have been to a couple of huge baby showers. Like they filled an entire ballroom baby showers. One girl had a ginormous family and the other one went to a mega church and couldn't get away with not inviting every church lady ever. If she really a knows these people, why not?

I can't really fuss. There were almost 200 people at my wedding shower. However, in all three cases, the baby showers and my wedding shower, there were multiple hostesses so no one person was burdened with the entire expense. My wedding shower had twelve co-hostesses.


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PeaNut 165,323
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Posted: 1/17/2013 6:50:09 PM
Waaaay to many people!


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PeaNut 12,875
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Posted: 1/17/2013 7:11:53 PM
This was a recent topic of conversation among friends because we are starting to see a lot of the children of our friends getting married. Large showers seem to be more common and I'm not willing to jump to the conclusion that they are all gift grabs. One thing I have noticed is that there are more split and blended families. One of my friends' daughters has to deal with two sets of grandparents and two sets of step-grandparents, along with aunts and uncles and cousins from all 4 "parents". That is all before she even thinks about inviting any of her own friends or family friends.


PeaNut 41,763
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Posted: 1/17/2013 7:15:45 PM
Unless she's something like a hair dresser who has close relationships with all her clients and they all want to come, I think its very inappropriate to invite clients to a baby shower.



PeaNut 118,906
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Posted: 1/17/2013 7:16:26 PM
Ok, I'll chime in!

I had at least that many people at my baby shower! I went to a large church and had struggled for 4 years with infertility and was FINALLY pregnant and EVERYONE wanted to come celebrate with us!! Men, women, children, they were ALL there!

It was fun. There were a lot of presents to open, but everyone just sat around and talked and oohed and aahed over the gifts. We were definitely blessed!

If she knows them and they want to be there, why not? Although, I totally get you not being prepared for that expense!! Could you get a couple of people to co-host with you?

ETA: We had it at a church (it was free) and all my co-workers (who are like family) made something. We did finger foods and cake. I contributed to the food because I knew it was a lot of people and my mom helped, too.

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PeaNut 298,090
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Posted: 1/17/2013 7:22:07 PM
Honestly it sounds like the baby shower from hell if I had to go. I wonder how many others would feel this way and just send a gift. I know I would.

I do love babies and the thought of welcoming them or celebrating with an expectant mother... but the thought of watching the hours long present opening would do me in....I'd rather watch cement set than endure that. LOL, is that so horrible? Good luck with that one Freebird.


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PeaNut 471,001
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Posted: 1/17/2013 7:22:47 PM

I've been to tons of hundred plus people showers. It's not that unusual here. You need more than one hostess. Usually they have around 8-10 and they split the costs and duties.

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PeaNut 256,623
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Posted: 1/17/2013 7:24:16 PM
At even just $10 a head...

Yeah, I'd be saying "hell no!"

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PeaNut 104,551
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Posted: 1/17/2013 7:26:26 PM

Unless she's something like a hair dresser who has close relationships with all her clients and they all want to come, I think its very inappropriate to invite clients to a baby shower.

she's a hairdresser. I don't know if she's super close with them all, but she said it was hard to invite some and not others.

Trying to talk her into making it at least 2 groups - family at one, and friends at the other. I think she's annoyed at me.


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PeaNut 51,555
October 2002
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Posted: 1/17/2013 7:29:14 PM
That is an insane number of people for a baby shower. 30-40 is the most I would invite.

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PeaNut 509,811
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Posted: 1/17/2013 7:30:39 PM
I think it's insane but have been to a few with 80-100 people

I wouldn't do it - at my shower I was able to interact with guests and appreciate each gift and thank each giver. Small is better in my opinion.

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PeaNut 433,822
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Posted: 1/17/2013 7:33:02 PM
Yes, that is too many!

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PeaNut 220,508
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Posted: 1/17/2013 7:34:19 PM
Crazy and not cool for you. You say she's annoyed with you. Well, maybe sit her down and tell her just how expensive this is going to be and yu just can't provide food, venue, cake, whatever for that many. She can either help pay if she wants them all there, or do as you suggest, and you can host a family/close personal friends shower and someone else can do the client shower.

I agree with the others; I would not invite clients.

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PeaNut 38,879
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Posted: 1/17/2013 7:48:29 PM
I would give sis a couple of options:
1) I will host a family/close friends shower and if you want to have a marketing event for your clients, you can hire a planner for that one
2) You can invite anyone you want, and it will be at your home, with milk and cookies for snacks as I cannot accommodate a venue and food for huge crowds of people



PeaNut 146,748
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Posted: 1/17/2013 8:08:12 PM
that is crazy - I can see it for a church shower, I remember there were a lot of people at my shower at church, not close to 100, but probably 30 or so people.

If she wants a shower of that size, could you get away with doing cake, punch, and coffee/tea? the paper goods could get pricey, but I wouldn't do a lot of food.


PeaNut 253,574
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Posted: 1/17/2013 8:14:17 PM
really, it should be fine... just make sure to have the bassinet to put your money into(no presents please, so they can buy what they want) and have everyone bring an appy... keeping in mind the mom to be's special dietary needs..... there will be lots that way..

or course i jest, but that is an invite i just got for a baby shower...

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PeaNut 427,403
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Posted: 1/17/2013 8:16:45 PM

Unless her name is Kate Middleton, that's insane

That made me LOL, but I agree it is insane. IMO that is about 75-80 too many.


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PeaNut 218,303
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Posted: 1/17/2013 8:39:34 PM
If I just invited close family and friends to a shower it would be close to that. My husband and I both have large families and we're close to our families. I grew up with a very close relationship to my great aunts and uncles and my dad's cousins and their kids which I'm grateful for. I would absolutely invite them to something like my baby shower, however I'd also realize the expense and offer to help with the monetary cost or by preparing food.

For my bridal shower all of my aunts helped with the food. That's just how my family is. I would definitely never invite that many acquaintances though. I kept my friends list very low because of how huge our families are.

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PeaNut 143,106
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Posted: 1/17/2013 8:44:45 PM
Not necessarily. A girl I know at work invited 100+ people. They were all family and close friends.

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PeaNut 163,613
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Posted: 1/17/2013 9:01:29 PM
Was this agreed upon when you offered to host the shower? Or was that something age sprung on you?
If you didn't know ahead of time, then I think you should just tell her you cannot host that many people and maybe someone she works with can

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PeaNut 329,346
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Posted: 1/17/2013 9:02:48 PM
I would have to say that is about 80 too many people!

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PeaNut 329,346
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Posted: 1/17/2013 9:02:48 PM
I would have to say that is about 80 too many people!

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PeaNut 161,999
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Posted: 1/17/2013 10:27:58 PM
I honestly had one. It was a difficult twin pregnancy. One of my 3 showers had close to 100 ppl there. People I literally did not know (mil's coworker, long lost cousins, etc) was miserable (supposed to be in the bed) & I opened gifts for 3 straight hours. It was over the top, never again.

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PeaNut 48,862
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Posted: 1/17/2013 10:33:31 PM
We invited about 100 people to both my wedding and baby showers, but that was both sides of our families and we both come from large families (as in DH and I both have 20+ first cousins, some have teen/adult children, etc.). Not that many people came, but the ones who did were certainly family and friends.

I think inviting clients is strange and if it's not what you were planning on giving, then I'd let her know upfront what you had in mind. There's no reason that you should over extend yourself.


PeaNut 40,147
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Posted: 1/17/2013 10:45:00 PM
I think if her clients want to participate in a shower, then they should give her one themselves.
Does she socialize with these people?

It just seems tacky to invite your customers to a shower and, like others have said, it screams gift-grab. I would think if any customers wanted to give her something, they would just bring it in to her shop.


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Posted: 1/17/2013 10:46:30 PM
If she doesn't socialize with her clients, it's not appropriate to invite them to the shower. If her co-workers want to host a shower, THEY can invite the clients.

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PeaNut 526,154
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Posted: 1/17/2013 10:47:54 PM
I have been to showers that big. They are held in a banquet hall with a sit down luncheon.

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PeaNut 104,551
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Posted: 1/17/2013 10:54:10 PM
She has no co-workers, she's the owner of the business and runs it alone (for now). She's from a small town, and everyone knows everyone sort of deal.

I'm 100% sure she isn't being gift grabby, it's just not her style at all. In fact, she has enough now that I don't even know what's left to buy her! I told her she needed to stop or no one would be able to buy her a gift.

I think she's just trying to be nice and not leave anyone out.


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PeaNut 79,113
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Posted: 1/17/2013 11:14:36 PM
I'm another one who thinks it's inappropriate to invite clients. It would be better to invite none, imo. If they want to give her a gift on their own she could accept it graciously but I wouldn't invite them to the shower.

I'm a massage therapist who lives in the small town where my office is located. I often see clients downtown, at the gym, the grocery, restaurants, etc. I like my clients and have been seeing many of them for years now. Keeping boundaries can be challenging as the years go by and you become more familiar with people, but in the end it's for the best.

Congrats to your sister not only on her baby, but on being well-loved by her clients, too!



PeaNut 335,105
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Posted: 1/17/2013 11:32:08 PM
Doesn't sound like too many at all.
No more gift grabby then having multiple showers.
I would rather have one larger shower then
several small ones.

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PeaNut 21,328
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Posted: 1/18/2013 12:11:57 AM
I think it is inappropriate to invite clients to a baby shower and rude of her to expect you to host and pay for that many people. Baby showers are for close friends and family.

How does she expect you to host dozens of people? I think people have gotten nuts in their invites.

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PeaNut 268,201
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Posted: 1/18/2013 1:00:20 AM
Honestly, I think it's rude to have to be a guest at that large of a shower! Perhaps it's more convenient for the mom-to-be to only have one of her afternoons taken up, but why should the guests have to stay around that long??

I also do not get why family needs to attend the same shower as clients or friends of the couple?

Even in a small town - split it up. No worries about "getting left out" because everyone is still invited to the shower with people they will know.

I always thought showers should be a pleasant time for the guests too. They are giving up several hours of their time for YOU, why make it a marathon?


PeaNut 51,842
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Posted: 1/18/2013 1:11:20 AM
Suggest to her that you are happy to host for family and close friends and that maybe someone at work could do something separate...


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Posted: 1/18/2013 2:07:32 AM
When you host a party for someone, you get to decide how many people you're willing to host, what type of party you want to give, etc. You can take input from her if you like, but she doesn't get to dictate the party format.

I would not enjoy attending a shower that large, and I'd probably lose my mind (and my house) if I had to host it.

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PeaNut 159,331
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Posted: 1/18/2013 2:41:47 AM
I'm Eastern European... we've had many threads where I've noted how over the top we can be with regard to showers and weddings and such. And even I think that's too big. Also, why would she invite clients? That's not appropriate.

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PeaNut 198,401
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Posted: 1/18/2013 5:11:32 AM
If she wants to invite her clients to a baby shower, then this is a shower she should be providing, as these are clients she gets paid to take care of. This is business, not family or friendship, unless she sees these clients outside of her business.

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PeaNut 43,061
July 2002
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Posted: 1/18/2013 7:35:27 AM
First, 100 people is about 80 people too many. That's ridiculous.
Second, who the hell invites CLIENTS to a baby shower? Talk about inappropriate and unprofessional.
Third, if she wants that many people, SHE has to pay for it. Period.
Fourth, you can barely get me to a regular sized shower let alone pay me to go to a hellish shower like that.

Sounds pretty self-centered, entitled and deluded.

I think she's annoyed at me.
Of course she is. She's not getting her way. That's her problem, not yours. Hopefully some of that annoyance is going back on herself and she's getting a clue at how inappropriate her demands are.
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