Update: STBX was sentenced

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Posted 1/18/2013 by lesserknownpea in NSBR Board
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lesserknownpea
BucketHead

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Posted: 1/18/2013 6:12:10 AM
It's been 2 months since my estranged husband assaulted, raped, and left me with a broken back.

he accepted Th DA's offer and was sentenced to 100 months, which is 8.3 years, with no time off.

I was in the courthouse, but not in the room where he was, but in another one with the advocate, listening to the proceedings on headphones. I wrote down a statement that the DA read for me, as I did not want to even see him.

Of course his PD said he was sorry and hoped that he could get visits from his family, who he is missing, but none of our 4 children want anything to do with him. They may change their minds sometime down the line, and I'm ok with whatever they choose they are adults. My hope is to never see him again.

As for me, I am healing well, working with a physical therapist. I have so many people offering for me to come stay with them and let them take care of me, I feel kinda bad turning them down But the medical stuff has mostly kept me here at home, with my son and DIL.

Some days are bad. I get flashbacks, or think of good times. or wonder about the future. Sometimes I even feel a little sorry for him, the idiot destroyed his life. Then I get over it.

I took up crocheting. I do it when I get stressed, it helps.

Yes, I will be in counseling, it's just taking awhile for the victim's compensation to be approved. But I think by next week I will be hooked up with the go ahead. The local Sexual Assault agency has a waiting list for their counselors, I've been on that list since day one.

I just wanted to let the wonderful caring peas who were so kind know that justice was done. I'm satisfied with the sentence, and so happy I did not have to deal with a trial.

Tommygirl
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Posted: 1/18/2013 6:15:28 AM
Sending you hugs and prayers for continued healing.

maryannscraps
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

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Posted: 1/18/2013 6:24:13 AM
Sending you healing thoughts and prayers. I'm glad this was settled in the courts so quickly and not dragged out in a trial. And I hope you continue to get the physical and mental resources you need.
{{hugs}}

WannaPea
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Posted: 1/18/2013 6:25:59 AM
OMG-that is awful. I'm glad he got his sentence. Keep crocheting and keep healing. HUGS.


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ScrapsontheRocks
BucketHead

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Posted: 1/18/2013 6:27:48 AM
Wishing you Peace and Healing. Thanks for the update!

AKathy
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Posted: 1/18/2013 6:28:03 AM
I'm so glad you're doing well and extremely glad that monster you were married to got what he deserved. Please don't spend another minute feeling sorry for him, he chose this path. Prayers for your continual healing


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Peabay
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Posted: 1/18/2013 6:28:59 AM
Wow. 8 years - that's a good long time.

Hope everything continues to go well for you.



Cake Diva
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Posted: 1/18/2013 6:36:58 AM
Hugs to you - may your healing continue to go well in all areas and that you find peace.


Kellie

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peaname
AncestralPea

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Posted: 1/18/2013 6:51:57 AM
I'm glad you don't have to go through a trial. I hope you can find peace now that he will be behind bars.


"People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Julee
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Posted: 1/18/2013 6:52:35 AM
I pray that you continue to heal and that you find and keep peace.


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revirdsuba
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Posted: 1/18/2013 7:01:02 AM
You have been so very strong through all this. I am glad he will be behind bars for your safety. Best wishes for your continued healing.

Newbie2
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 1/18/2013 7:04:55 AM
I'm so sorry for all you've been through....(((HUGS))) for more healing.




Mystie
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Posted: 1/18/2013 7:11:21 AM
I am so glad you are doing well. I pray that you will be able to move into a new chapter in your life full of love and peace and healing. (((Hugs!))


Janelle



Lexica

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Posted: 1/18/2013 7:21:07 AM
I am very happy that you did not have to go through the stress of a trial and having to see him in the courtroom. I hope you don't spend too much energy and time feeling sorry for him. He chose to do this horrid thing to you, so his life being affected was his own doing, not yours. Your focus should be on yourself and your children. Try to let this whole ordeal leave you stronger and looking forward to your better future.

I hope you will continue to come here and avail yourself of the support and companionship we peas can offer you. You deserve a peaceful and safe life. I am also happy that you have the children to support you through these next stages of recovery. ((hugs))

miominmio
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Posted: 1/18/2013 7:32:58 AM
I'm so glad youdidn't have to go thru a trial. I hope your healing will continue (((((hugs)))))

Ms. Liz
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Posted: 1/18/2013 7:33:54 AM

More hugs.

You're a strong woman.



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FlaMom
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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:06:33 AM
I hope he finds prison really *really* unpleasant.

Kudos to you for moving along. You sound like an amazing woman.


Tammy

***Kate***
AncestralPea

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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:06:49 AM
Hugs and prayers for the continued strength necessary for you and your children....



Fireflyy
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:15:53 AM
I pray for complete healing for you - physically and emotionally. May your life be blessed.

ol_brwneyedgrl
BucketHead

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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:27:08 AM
I'm glad you're getting some closure on this - if you can call it that. Blessings to you.

Simply_Lovely
AncestralPea

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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:37:49 AM
Thank you for the update. I'm glad he took the plea and did not force you to go through a trial and having to see him.
Positive thoughts and prayers for speedy recovery and healing =)




Meow!

purpledaisy
Calm

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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:41:56 AM
I pray you continue to heal, both physically and emotionally. (((hugs)))


Becca

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-Tara-

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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:45:39 AM
I'm so glad you won't have to go through a trial. Wishing you a peaceful recovery!


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Casii
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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:48:07 AM
I'm glad justice was served relatively quickly though I know each day must've felt like an eternity for you.

You are so strong! All the best as you continue to heal and recover!


Ciao,
Casii

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TeamSteve
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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:50:43 AM
Sending lots of healing thoughts your way. Hugs.



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Donna in GA
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:51:33 AM
Thank you for the update. I am glad he got such a long sentence. I am also glad you did not have to endure a trial. I hope you heal completely from this. Hugs


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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:55:20 AM
I am glad that the prosecutor does not take Domestic Violence lightly! In too many areas far, far worse happens to women and the men go free.

While I am terribly sorry this awful, awful thing happened to you, I applaud you for pursuing charges! I am glad to read you are working with a physical therapist, but don't forget about an emotional/mental therapist, too. Therapy is a wonderful gift you need to give yourself!




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S_cR_aP_Booker
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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:55:20 AM
Glad that you did not have to go to trial and the sentence he got sounds just. I wish you and your family all the best.

TinCin
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:55:22 AM
So happy you were able to avoid a trial. Eight years doesn't seem like enough time for the pain and trauma he has caused you but at least you will know where he is and hopefully feel safer. Hope you heal quickly.


PROUD MEMBER OF UAW LOCAL 659 - Home of the Sit-Down Strike!

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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:59:45 AM
I'm so happy your x was sentenced. At least he won't be able to hurt you again.
Hoping you heal well and get the counseling you need soon. It breaks my heart to read that there's a waiting list for counseling


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SueSume
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Posted: 1/18/2013 9:41:29 AM
You sound so strong.


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eebud
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Posted: 1/18/2013 9:49:57 AM
You are one strong lady! I have been impressed with your strength with each post I have seen from you about your STBX assaulting and raping you. I am so glad that you have your family supporting you through all of this.

Thank you for updating us. I hope that him being sentence and knowing that he will be locked up for a long time, will be a new start for you. Stay tough!





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Scrapn Nana
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Posted: 1/18/2013 10:16:40 AM

So happy you were able to avoid a trial. Eight years doesn't seem like enough time for the pain and trauma he has caused you but at least you will know where he is and hopefully feel safer. Hope you heal quickly.




Happy that you are good with the sentence and not having to go to trial; it seems like it is not ever long enough when violated by someone you once trusted and loved.


While I think his sentence should have been longer, at least you have some healing time. I hope you heal well and quickly. I do not know your prognosis, but I hope you will be able to heal completely.

I also hope that when the time nears that he is released, you will be able to be in a safe situation where he can never come near you or hurt you again.


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Posted: 1/18/2013 10:29:39 AM
You are one strong woman!

(((HUGS)))



jeremysgirl
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Posted: 1/18/2013 10:32:34 AM
I just said a prayer for you. What an awful experience but I'm glad this is bringing you some closure.

PSILUVU
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 1/18/2013 10:36:54 AM
That is great it was resolved so quickly. Hopefully you can now continu to a complete recovery. Positive thought going your way.


Kelli


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gizmos
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Posted: 1/18/2013 10:44:07 AM
Peace to you.

Runner5
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Posted: 1/18/2013 10:46:13 AM
sending hugs ... I can't even imagine what you're going through.

My mom left my dad when she was in her late 50's. She thought if she gave him everything, he'd see how much she loved him and things would change. Instead he just promptly remarried.

She got on with her life though. She worked as a secretary and starting from scratch went on to leave an estate of over $100,000. She was able to buy a nice home, etc. She enjoyed time with her friends, having family over to visit, etc. I've always admired the way she managed money because she had a knack of balancing saving and spending. She dressed nicely, had her hair and nails done regularly, and had a beautiful condo.

I pray that you'll be blessed in many ways as you heal and that you'll find much happiness.


Mary




lesserknownpea
BucketHead

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Posted: 1/18/2013 2:04:04 PM
All the comments, prayers, and positive thoughts and hugs are appreciated. Mary. your mom's experience is particularly encouraging, as I want a good like, but I'm not sure yet what it will look like.

Sometimes, I come back and reread the comments on these threads to pick myself up if I need it. Or to strengthen my resolve to stay on the path I'm on. The assistant DA told me that 80% of their domestic violence cases the women end up not wanting to proceed. You could see how sad and frustrated it made them to see so many women victimized and non willing enough or strong enough to get out when they have the chance.

I prayed out of gratitude in the ambulance that it was over and I was safe. I determined then that I would never have anything to do with him again. So far i have had every resource I need to help me.

Some friends from our church organized bringing meals for a few weeks. When one woman I know came in and hugged me she whispered in my ear: "I know just how you feel". I had no idea previously. This has been another source of help, the people who have personally been affected by DV, have made an extra effort to reach out to support me.

And seriously, I have the most amazing children. Not just the ones I am living with, they all in their way are there for me. And being around my grandchildren is my greatest joy and refreshment.


TheBiscuitScraps
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Posted: 1/18/2013 3:00:45 PM
I'm so proud of you for proceeding in putting him behind bars. I wish more women had your resolve.

Peace in your new life. While you have a long road to recovery, you have something to look forward to.


Carol
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ilovecookies
PeaFixture

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Posted: 1/18/2013 3:48:49 PM
I'm glad to hear that he will serve some time for what he did. And also that you didn't have to go through a lengthy, traumatic trial.

It's wonderful to hear that your physical healing is progressing so nicely. Sending you lots of good thoughts and hoping that you will be able to begin your therapy and counseling soon.

I'm so glad that your children all supporting you!

Thanks for keeping us updated.

megmc
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

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Posted: 1/18/2013 4:19:27 PM
Wishing you continued healing and strength.

UkSue
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

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Posted: 1/18/2013 4:57:18 PM
I had thought about you and wondered what was happening. Glad to read your update.

I hope and pray this will be the start of a more peaceful life for you.


It's not the passage of time that heals. It's what you do with that time.

BergdorfBlonde
Getting blonder every day

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Posted: 1/18/2013 5:07:05 PM
Glad justice was served so swiftly. Just know that it takes a long time to feel secure and okay. I was raped 6 years ago and it still pops into my head and instantly brings me back to that day. Therapy helps. I pray that you'll continue healing.









lesserknownpea
BucketHead

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Posted: 1/18/2013 6:35:28 PM
Bergdorf--for me right now that is so true! I will be ok, doing something ordinary, and an image, a scene from that day will pop into my head. The people around me are so careful, thinking that talking about or being reminded of him or anything related to that day will distress me. But it's so much worse when it just hits me out of the blue like that.

It's helpful to hear form someone 6 years down the road.

lindywholoveskids
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

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Posted: 1/18/2013 7:28:31 PM
I'm so glad to read your update. I wish you well on this journey of healing.
Support is so wonderful.

I was surprised to read about the stats for victims prosecuting.

Hugs!

simplekelly
Loving Life

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Posted: 1/18/2013 7:49:52 PM
I'm so glad he accepted the deal. That is just so much better for you. May you move forward with peace as you heal both physically and emotionally. Many hugs!


best,


**Live your dreams, not your fears**

tamhugh
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:07:04 PM
Your strength and grace are humbling. I wish you continued healing and peace and I am so glad that you seem to be surrounded by people who love and support you.

scrapcreator
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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:13:02 PM
I wish you peace and healing as you move forward.

Jeanne



*KelleeM*
Eye pea ;)

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Posted: 1/18/2013 9:32:06 PM
I'm so glad you didn't have to endure a trial. I hope you continue to heal. (((hugs)))




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