Update: STBX was sentenced

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Posted 1/18/2013 by lesserknownpea in NSBR Board
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PeaNut 451,429
January 2010
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Posted: 1/18/2013 6:12:10 AM
It's been 2 months since my estranged husband assaulted, raped, and left me with a broken back.

he accepted Th DA's offer and was sentenced to 100 months, which is 8.3 years, with no time off.

I was in the courthouse, but not in the room where he was, but in another one with the advocate, listening to the proceedings on headphones. I wrote down a statement that the DA read for me, as I did not want to even see him.

Of course his PD said he was sorry and hoped that he could get visits from his family, who he is missing, but none of our 4 children want anything to do with him. They may change their minds sometime down the line, and I'm ok with whatever they choose they are adults. My hope is to never see him again.

As for me, I am healing well, working with a physical therapist. I have so many people offering for me to come stay with them and let them take care of me, I feel kinda bad turning them down But the medical stuff has mostly kept me here at home, with my son and DIL.

Some days are bad. I get flashbacks, or think of good times. or wonder about the future. Sometimes I even feel a little sorry for him, the idiot destroyed his life. Then I get over it.

I took up crocheting. I do it when I get stressed, it helps.

Yes, I will be in counseling, it's just taking awhile for the victim's compensation to be approved. But I think by next week I will be hooked up with the go ahead. The local Sexual Assault agency has a waiting list for their counselors, I've been on that list since day one.

I just wanted to let the wonderful caring peas who were so kind know that justice was done. I'm satisfied with the sentence, and so happy I did not have to deal with a trial.


PeaNut 79,850
April 2003
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Posted: 1/18/2013 6:15:28 AM
Sending you hugs and prayers for continued healing.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 75,215
March 2003
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Loc: massachusetts

Posted: 1/18/2013 6:24:13 AM
Sending you healing thoughts and prayers. I'm glad this was settled in the courts so quickly and not dragged out in a trial. And I hope you continue to get the physical and mental resources you need.

No Peas for you ! Come back one year!

PeaNut 151,172
June 2004
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Posted: 1/18/2013 6:25:59 AM
OMG-that is awful. I'm glad he got his sentence. Keep crocheting and keep healing. HUGS.

Cop's wife - Mom to one
"The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike." ~ Delos B. McKown


PeaNut 561,690
July 2012
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Posted: 1/18/2013 6:27:48 AM
Wishing you Peace and Healing. Thanks for the update!

Peaing From Podunk

PeaNut 45,443
August 2002
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Loc: North Dakota

Posted: 1/18/2013 6:28:03 AM
I'm so glad you're doing well and extremely glad that monster you were married to got what he deserved. Please don't spend another minute feeling sorry for him, he chose this path. Prayers for your continual healing


Mother Goose's Meandering Mind

Happy now?

PeaNut 156,993
July 2004
Posts: 46,562
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Loc: Connecticut

Posted: 1/18/2013 6:28:59 AM
Wow. 8 years - that's a good long time.

Hope everything continues to go well for you.

Cake Diva

PeaNut 90,802
June 2003
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Loc: Fergus, Ontario

Posted: 1/18/2013 6:36:58 AM
Hugs to you - may your healing continue to go well in all areas and that you find peace.


Mom to Julia (18), Hannah (16) & Jonathan (12)

the pea formerly known as 2Gals!

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PeaNut 510,579
June 2011
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Posted: 1/18/2013 6:51:57 AM
I'm glad you don't have to go through a trial. I hope you can find peace now that he will be behind bars.

"People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character." - Ralph Waldo Emerson


PeaNut 171,562
October 2004
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Loc: The 'Nati

Posted: 1/18/2013 6:52:35 AM
I pray that you continue to heal and that you find and keep peace.


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Wise~old Pea

PeaNut 17,460
June 2001
Posts: 23,096
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Loc: Central NJ

Posted: 1/18/2013 7:01:02 AM
You have been so very strong through all this. I am glad he will be behind bars for your safety. Best wishes for your continued healing.


PeaNut 178,513
November 2004
Posts: 2,390
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Loc: New England

Posted: 1/18/2013 7:04:55 AM
I'm so sorry for all you've been through....(((HUGS))) for more healing.

Dancing to the end of love.

PeaNut 8,446
December 2000
Posts: 12,064
Layouts: 199
Loc: Newport News, VA

Posted: 1/18/2013 7:11:21 AM
I am so glad you are doing well. I pray that you will be able to move into a new chapter in your life full of love and peace and healing. (((Hugs!))



PeaNut 77,792
March 2003
Posts: 10,417
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Loc: Orange County, California

Posted: 1/18/2013 7:21:07 AM
I am very happy that you did not have to go through the stress of a trial and having to see him in the courtroom. I hope you don't spend too much energy and time feeling sorry for him. He chose to do this horrid thing to you, so his life being affected was his own doing, not yours. Your focus should be on yourself and your children. Try to let this whole ordeal leave you stronger and looking forward to your better future.

I hope you will continue to come here and avail yourself of the support and companionship we peas can offer you. You deserve a peaceful and safe life. I am also happy that you have the children to support you through these next stages of recovery. ((hugs))


PeaNut 497,330
January 2011
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Posted: 1/18/2013 7:32:58 AM
I'm so glad youdidn't have to go thru a trial. I hope your healing will continue (((((hugs)))))

Ms. Liz
Practically Perfect in Every Way

PeaNut 199,404
April 2005
Posts: 7,374
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Loc: deep in the hundred acre woods

Posted: 1/18/2013 7:33:54 AM

More hugs.

You're a strong woman.

I eat my peas with honey. I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny, But it keeps them on the knife.

Thread Killer Extraordinaire

PeaNut 29,166
February 2002
Posts: 6,400
Layouts: 12
Loc: BFE

Posted: 1/18/2013 8:06:33 AM
I hope he finds prison really *really* unpleasant.

Kudos to you for moving along. You sound like an amazing woman.



PeaNut 279,621
October 2006
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Loc: Warshington

Posted: 1/18/2013 8:06:49 AM
Hugs and prayers for the continued strength necessary for you and your children....


PeaNut 409,118
January 2009
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Loc: NC

Posted: 1/18/2013 8:15:53 AM
I pray for complete healing for you - physically and emotionally. May your life be blessed.


PeaNut 17,383
June 2001
Posts: 809
Layouts: 41
Loc: Central Illinois

Posted: 1/18/2013 8:27:08 AM
I'm glad you're getting some closure on this - if you can call it that. Blessings to you.


PeaNut 463,295
April 2010
Posts: 4,172
Layouts: 3
Loc: New York City

Posted: 1/18/2013 8:37:49 AM
Thank you for the update. I'm glad he took the plea and did not force you to go through a trial and having to see him.
Positive thoughts and prayers for speedy recovery and healing =)



PeaNut 116,261
November 2003
Posts: 25,809
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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:41:56 AM
I pray you continue to heal, both physically and emotionally. (((hugs)))


May we be consumed with the Creator of all things rather than with things created.

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Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent-free in your head.


PeaNut 158,177
July 2004
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Loc: Pacific Northwest

Posted: 1/18/2013 8:45:39 AM
I'm so glad you won't have to go through a trial. Wishing you a peaceful recovery!

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PeaNut 128,923
February 2004
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Loc: Maryland

Posted: 1/18/2013 8:48:07 AM
I'm glad justice was served relatively quickly though I know each day must've felt like an eternity for you.

You are so strong! All the best as you continue to heal and recover!


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PeaNut 263,696
June 2006
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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:50:43 AM
Sending lots of healing thoughts your way. Hugs.


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the love they show
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Donna in GA
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 60,695
January 2003
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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:51:33 AM
Thank you for the update. I am glad he got such a long sentence. I am also glad you did not have to endure a trial. I hope you heal completely from this. Hugs

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PeaNut 224,352
September 2005
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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:55:20 AM
I am glad that the prosecutor does not take Domestic Violence lightly! In too many areas far, far worse happens to women and the men go free.

While I am terribly sorry this awful, awful thing happened to you, I applaud you for pursuing charges! I am glad to read you are working with a physical therapist, but don't forget about an emotional/mental therapist, too. Therapy is a wonderful gift you need to give yourself!

Dog people are a special breed!


PeaNut 400,592
November 2008
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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:55:20 AM
Glad that you did not have to go to trial and the sentence he got sounds just. I wish you and your family all the best.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 29,331
February 2002
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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:55:22 AM
So happy you were able to avoid a trial. Eight years doesn't seem like enough time for the pain and trauma he has caused you but at least you will know where he is and hopefully feel safer. Hope you heal quickly.

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PeaNut 163,613
August 2004
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Posted: 1/18/2013 8:59:45 AM
I'm so happy your x was sentenced. At least he won't be able to hurt you again.
Hoping you heal well and get the counseling you need soon. It breaks my heart to read that there's a waiting list for counseling

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Sleeping with a Serial Killer

PeaNut 262,757
May 2006
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Posted: 1/18/2013 9:41:29 AM
You sound so strong.

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Doxie Pea Mom

PeaNut 52,841
October 2002
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Posted: 1/18/2013 9:49:57 AM
You are one strong lady! I have been impressed with your strength with each post I have seen from you about your STBX assaulting and raping you. I am so glad that you have your family supporting you through all of this.

Thank you for updating us. I hope that him being sentence and knowing that he will be locked up for a long time, will be a new start for you. Stay tough!

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PeaNut 272,954
August 2006
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Posted: 1/18/2013 10:16:40 AM

So happy you were able to avoid a trial. Eight years doesn't seem like enough time for the pain and trauma he has caused you but at least you will know where he is and hopefully feel safer. Hope you heal quickly.

Happy that you are good with the sentence and not having to go to trial; it seems like it is not ever long enough when violated by someone you once trusted and loved.

While I think his sentence should have been longer, at least you have some healing time. I hope you heal well and quickly. I do not know your prognosis, but I hope you will be able to heal completely.

I also hope that when the time nears that he is released, you will be able to be in a safe situation where he can never come near you or hurt you again.

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PeaNut 360,259
February 2008
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Posted: 1/18/2013 10:29:39 AM
You are one strong woman!



PeaNut 568,351
October 2012
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Posted: 1/18/2013 10:32:34 AM
I just said a prayer for you. What an awful experience but I'm glad this is bringing you some closure.


PeaNut 427,403
June 2009
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Loc: Canada's Capital

Posted: 1/18/2013 10:36:54 AM
That is great it was resolved so quickly. Hopefully you can now continu to a complete recovery. Positive thought going your way.


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PeaNut 375,962
May 2008
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Loc: running to catch up

Posted: 1/18/2013 10:44:07 AM
Peace to you.

Pea All You Can Pea!

PeaNut 36,843
April 2002
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Posted: 1/18/2013 10:46:13 AM
sending hugs ... I can't even imagine what you're going through.

My mom left my dad when she was in her late 50's. She thought if she gave him everything, he'd see how much she loved him and things would change. Instead he just promptly remarried.

She got on with her life though. She worked as a secretary and starting from scratch went on to leave an estate of over $100,000. She was able to buy a nice home, etc. She enjoyed time with her friends, having family over to visit, etc. I've always admired the way she managed money because she had a knack of balancing saving and spending. She dressed nicely, had her hair and nails done regularly, and had a beautiful condo.

I pray that you'll be blessed in many ways as you heal and that you'll find much happiness.



PeaNut 451,429
January 2010
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Posted: 1/18/2013 2:04:04 PM
All the comments, prayers, and positive thoughts and hugs are appreciated. Mary. your mom's experience is particularly encouraging, as I want a good like, but I'm not sure yet what it will look like.

Sometimes, I come back and reread the comments on these threads to pick myself up if I need it. Or to strengthen my resolve to stay on the path I'm on. The assistant DA told me that 80% of their domestic violence cases the women end up not wanting to proceed. You could see how sad and frustrated it made them to see so many women victimized and non willing enough or strong enough to get out when they have the chance.

I prayed out of gratitude in the ambulance that it was over and I was safe. I determined then that I would never have anything to do with him again. So far i have had every resource I need to help me.

Some friends from our church organized bringing meals for a few weeks. When one woman I know came in and hugged me she whispered in my ear: "I know just how you feel". I had no idea previously. This has been another source of help, the people who have personally been affected by DV, have made an extra effort to reach out to support me.

And seriously, I have the most amazing children. Not just the ones I am living with, they all in their way are there for me. And being around my grandchildren is my greatest joy and refreshment.

Bubbie is my most prized title.

PeaNut 99,833
August 2003
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Loc: Raleigh, North Carolina

Posted: 1/18/2013 3:00:45 PM
I'm so proud of you for proceeding in putting him behind bars. I wish more women had your resolve.

Peace in your new life. While you have a long road to recovery, you have something to look forward to.

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PeaNut 506,197
April 2011
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Posted: 1/18/2013 3:48:49 PM
I'm glad to hear that he will serve some time for what he did. And also that you didn't have to go through a lengthy, traumatic trial.

It's wonderful to hear that your physical healing is progressing so nicely. Sending you lots of good thoughts and hoping that you will be able to begin your therapy and counseling soon.

I'm so glad that your children all supporting you!

Thanks for keeping us updated.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 497,090
January 2011
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Posted: 1/18/2013 4:19:27 PM
Wishing you continued healing and strength.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 428,374
June 2009
Posts: 5,008
Layouts: 2
Loc: Greater London

Posted: 1/18/2013 4:57:18 PM
I had thought about you and wondered what was happening. Glad to read your update.

I hope and pray this will be the start of a more peaceful life for you.

It's not the passage of time that heals. It's what you do with that time.

Getting blonder every day

PeaNut 162,956
August 2004
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Loc: LI girl, livin' in the gulf

Posted: 1/18/2013 5:07:05 PM
Glad justice was served so swiftly. Just know that it takes a long time to feel secure and okay. I was raped 6 years ago and it still pops into my head and instantly brings me back to that day. Therapy helps. I pray that you'll continue healing.


PeaNut 451,429
January 2010
Posts: 616
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Posted: 1/18/2013 6:35:28 PM
Bergdorf--for me right now that is so true! I will be ok, doing something ordinary, and an image, a scene from that day will pop into my head. The people around me are so careful, thinking that talking about or being reminded of him or anything related to that day will distress me. But it's so much worse when it just hits me out of the blue like that.

It's helpful to hear form someone 6 years down the road.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 168,696
September 2004
Posts: 8,526
Layouts: 0
Loc: Northern California

Posted: 1/18/2013 7:28:31 PM
I'm so glad to read your update. I wish you well on this journey of healing.
Support is so wonderful.

I was surprised to read about the stats for victims prosecuting.


Loving Life

PeaNut 142,378
April 2004
Posts: 16,519
Layouts: 6
Loc: Why do you want to know?

Posted: 1/18/2013 7:49:52 PM
I'm so glad he accepted the deal. That is just so much better for you. May you move forward with peace as you heal both physically and emotionally. Many hugs!


**Live your dreams, not your fears**

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 12,875
March 2001
Posts: 8,668
Layouts: 11

Posted: 1/18/2013 8:07:04 PM
Your strength and grace are humbling. I wish you continued healing and peace and I am so glad that you seem to be surrounded by people who love and support you.

legend in my own mind

PeaNut 6,186
August 2000
Posts: 7,163
Layouts: 48

Posted: 1/18/2013 8:13:02 PM
I wish you peace and healing as you move forward.


Eye pea ;)

PeaNut 29,130
February 2002
Posts: 6,111
Layouts: 67
Loc: 01826

Posted: 1/18/2013 9:32:06 PM
I'm so glad you didn't have to endure a trial. I hope you continue to heal. (((hugs)))

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