Have you ever been Catfished?

Two Peas is Closing
Click here to visit our final product sale. Click here to visit our FAQ page regarding the closing of Two Peas.

Posted 1/24/2013 by BEF2008 in NSBR Board
 

BEF2008
AncestralPea

PeaNut 183,504
January 2005
Posts: 4,477
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/24/2013 3:35:18 PM
(I love how the term is now being used as a verb. For those unfamiliar, it's basically being duped by someone online.)

What was your experience and how to ensure it'll never happen again?

Yubon
lunch is for wimps

PeaNut 261,669
May 2006
Posts: 13,387
Layouts: 0
Loc: Hotel for Cats

Posted: 1/24/2013 3:40:03 PM
Nope, never.

How do you make sure it never happens or never happens again? Easy. Don't be a gullible dumbass. Be skeptical of EVERYTHING online.



justbecause
Useless Information

PeaNut 249,087
February 2006
Posts: 5,228
Layouts: 1

Posted: 1/24/2013 3:44:32 PM
Don't think so. I never believed those email forwards that I would get from time to time. I always look for confirmation for rumors and get most of my news from confirmed news sites. Here, I rarely get involved. I usually end up reading about the fraud long after it happens and people are catching on.

Unless you want to count online dating sites. I've been duped by a few of those profiles (guys turned out to be not what they presented).



mom2cameron
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 150,880
June 2004
Posts: 5,017
Layouts: 1
Loc: On a softball field somewhere.

Posted: 1/24/2013 3:45:14 PM
Nope, never.

How do you make sure it never happens or never happens again? Easy. Don't be a gullible dumbass. Be skeptical of EVERYTHING online.

^^^^what she said^^^


Uploaded with iPhone client

liya
BucketHead

PeaNut 311,281
April 2007
Posts: 799
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/24/2013 3:47:34 PM
I had 2 people try when I tried online dating. They must have been bad at it because I was immediately able to figure it out.
Uploaded with iPhone client

scrapulous
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 118,732
December 2003
Posts: 7,528
Layouts: 2

Posted: 1/24/2013 4:13:04 PM
Based on the movie Catfish, I think being "catfished" actually refers specifically to being duped into an online romantic relationship with someone who doesn't exist, or someone who is not what they are professing to be.

I don't think financial scams are in the same category.

No, I have not been catfished, in either sense of the word.

ilovebuble
PeaFixture

PeaNut 539,539
January 2012
Posts: 3,850
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/24/2013 4:41:37 PM
I have never been catfished into an online romantic relationship with someone before, but I have been on other forums where a member I have been cordial with has turned out to be fake.

megmc
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 497,090
January 2011
Posts: 7,223
Layouts: 1

Posted: 1/24/2013 4:51:54 PM
Not in the true sense of the word, but I had the mispleasure of meeting a scrapbook designer who is not as nice or as funny as you would think she was from her blog.

pennyring
Thrift Ninja

PeaNut 226,011
October 2005
Posts: 23,312
Layouts: 40
Loc: Rite Aid

Posted: 1/24/2013 4:55:38 PM

Unless you want to count online dating sites. I've been duped by a few of those profiles (guys turned out to be not what they presented).


That's exactly what being catfished means.




back to *pea*ality
AncestralPea

PeaNut 471,633
June 2010
Posts: 4,859
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/24/2013 4:56:08 PM
No. I am a bit of a cynic and my bullsh!t meter has served me well through the years.

Miss Lerins Momma
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 151,660
June 2004
Posts: 13,597
Layouts: 38
Loc: KY

Posted: 1/24/2013 5:03:15 PM
Not that I know of. I have a general rule, not to talk to people online unless I really know them.








Trolls *heart* me!!

SuPeaNatural
PeaAddict

PeaNut 412,905
February 2009
Posts: 1,708
Layouts: 5

Posted: 1/24/2013 5:27:26 PM
I'd never heard of this term until a few days ago watching a rerun of Dr Phil. He had 3 women guests who had been catfished by some creep on an internet dating site. I'm sure Phil said this term is for dating site scams, but it probably gets used now for other internet scams too.


How do you make sure it never happens or never happens again? Easy. Don't be a gullible dumbass. Be skeptical of EVERYTHING online.

Not to put too fine a point on it - this ^^^. I've never been caught and never will - I'm way to skeptical. I don't go on dating sites and never open emails from anyone unless I know them personally. If I don't know you or didn't contact you first, your email is deleted unopened - after being marked as a phishing scam.



NativeNewYorker
black eyed pea with soul!

PeaNut 15,878
May 2001
Posts: 25,921
Layouts: 71
Loc: LI, NY

Posted: 1/24/2013 5:30:42 PM
I'll admit that I fell for the Lady Stars thing. I sent one of her kids a small toy. I don't do online dating.


Staci
original pea number #3450
This Black Butterfly

Tracyarts
Just content to be ME pea...

PeaNut 44,329
August 2002
Posts: 9,651
Layouts: 31
Loc: 8 miles from Galveston Bay

Posted: 1/25/2013 5:09:46 AM
Nope, when I was single I wasn't interested in online or long-distance relationships, so I either met somebody in person pretty soon after chatting with them online, or wrote them off as a flake and moved on.

But about 12 years ago, I allowed myself to be sucked in by somebody who I believe has Munchausen by Internet. I "met" her (I'm assuming it was a woman but who really knows) through an online support forum for a medical condition and after quite some time of believing they were who they claimed to be, it ended in a big ugly mind-screw. The thing is, after I first "met" them, this person did me a massive favor by sending me information on a doctor in my city who turned out to be the perfect match for me treatment plan wise. I guess gratitude for that referral made me way more trusting than I should have been and I overlooked things that didn't quite add up for much longer than I should have. You want to think that somebody who does such a good deed for you is on the up and up, KWIM?

That experience made me MUCH more wary and cynical about people online.

Tracy




BergdorfBlonde
Getting blonder every day

PeaNut 162,956
August 2004
Posts: 10,715
Layouts: 0
Loc: LI girl, livin' in the gulf

Posted: 1/25/2013 6:14:09 AM
Yes, a few times. This guy was a master at it. He had 3 women (at least) going at the same time. Started off as friends. He said all of the right things. Became a confidante. Spoke more often on the phone and then became very close. His gig was getting women to charge up their cellphone bills and then eventually saying he'd pay the bill since he was the reason it was so high (this was back in day of NOT having unlimited talk/text). He'd ask for your banking info so he could put $$ directly into your account to pay. I caught on before doing that and contacted another female friend of his (who he warned me not to speak to b/c she was "crazy". Seems he strung her along too. Not only that, but he wasn't who he said he was. He used a fake pic, fake streaming video of "himself", fake stories, etc. He was, in actuality, a criminal. Scary!!!!!!!! We both made a 3 way phone call to him, outing him and he was pissed but cocky enough to say, "It's easy to get women to go along with it. I just tell them what they want to hear, and mostly they just want to be listened to." How disgusting is that??????????? Thank God I never met up with him, but my friend did and she had to move and get a restraining order against him because she had a young daughter too. Very sad.

My other Catfish story is even worse. It was a male friend I met through other friends online. He was extremely intelligent. He looked very similar to Adam Levine. He worked for the government. I trusted him very much. We had a nice friendship. He wrote for blogs in his spare time and gave back to the community. His only flaw? He'd meet and rape the women he became close with. So, I got raped. I was dumb enough to put myself in that position of agreeing to let him into my hotel room (I was in his State, with my daughter, for a convention). She obviously wasn't there when the rape happened. I tried to cover it up for fear of anyone finding out. I only told a dear friend of mine, whose husband was a doctor. They came to immediately see me and urged me to go report it, but still, I was too scared. I went home, went to my doctor and he made a report on it and was ready whenever I deccided to go through with it, but I never did. I was too scared. He was still threatening me and it worked. It still haunts me. Although he WAS the guy in his pics, and the rest of his life checked out, he had this violent, dark side. It was a really horrible time in my life and I regret not pressing charges.









katybee8
No matter where you go, there you are!

PeaNut 421,136
April 2009
Posts: 5,255
Layouts: 8
Loc: Chicago NW burbs

Posted: 1/25/2013 6:29:29 AM
I met my abuser online, so I see that as a huge 2 year Catfish scam.

Yeah, I've been ripped off emotionally. There was a woman who had a "terminal illness" on a discussion list and I spoke with her online and on the phone offering emotional support and friendship. Turns out the illness was fake. I was only out one bouquet of flowers (sent when she came "back from the hospital", but I thought it was pretty crappy as she seemed like a nice person otherwise, never asked for or received any money from me, just attention. When I found out, first I was angry and then I was just sad for her to think she had to resort to that for friendship. I've learned my lesson.

I guess there have been a few peas who have tried to scam people out of their money, but I was not around for that.

TinCin
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 29,331
February 2002
Posts: 6,720
Layouts: 0
Loc: Living in the palm of the hand.

Posted: 1/25/2013 7:35:18 AM

Nope, never.

How do you make sure it never happens or never happens again? Easy. Don't be a gullible dumbass. Be skeptical of EVERYTHING online.


It's easy to say but it isn't as if these people are all obvious fakes online. They are good at what they do or they wouldn't keep doing it. It isn't always as easy as some of you would like to believe to tell who is conning you and who is an honest person. Have I been "catfished" not to my knowledge but I have talked to some men online that just felt hinky to me so I cut it off. Had they said something different or what ever they did to send up my radar, I could probably have been taken in. I think most people can be by the right person. It's just a matter of who that person is and if you are unlucky enough to run into them online.


PROUD MEMBER OF UAW LOCAL 659 - Home of the Sit-Down Strike!

Shih Tzu Mommy
Million dollar camera, 10 dollar lock!

PeaNut 224,352
September 2005
Posts: 24,004
Layouts: 0
Loc: Right here

Posted: 1/25/2013 7:48:32 AM
Well, I will say that I FULLY believe the Sydney story here for a very long time, so I guess that yes, I have been. But that was a 'group dupe' and not a dating situation.

I wasn't here (or oblivious to) many of the other 'catfishing' events here in the past. Lady Stars and something to do with jewelry with someone else and oh....who knows. My brain cannot hold onto all that.

But anyway, while I do personally know people who met their current spouse online, it would scare the bejeesus out of me. I guess I am too old to think of finding true love on the internet.

Is there a backstory on how 'catfishing' became the term?



Dog people are a special breed!

Annabella
Leads a Charmed Life

PeaNut 43,843
July 2002
Posts: 44,159
Layouts: 46
Loc: East Coast

Posted: 1/25/2013 7:56:13 AM
What I didn't like about Sydney is that she was online all the time so I never got into her stories. I did witness someone else being catfished firsthand. I shraed this story on another thread:

Back in my myspace days I had a random female friend that lived in my city. She was very pretty and constantly posting new photos of herself and constantly posted updates asking people to comment on her photos and people would blast her for being so needy. She had a long distance boyfriend who always posted on her page. I was friends with her for a long time, maybe a year. Then one day she said she was going to fly to Los Angeles to meet her boyfriend for the first time. Well guess what, she knew she couldn't fly to meet him because this whole time she was using someone elses' photo to pretend to be her! I thought this was crazy! So I emailed the boyfriend to get his side and he said he didn't know what to think of all this because they used to talk on the phone all the time. She then asked everyone to add her "real" page, I went there curious to see what she looked like and she was just a chubby plain jane who somehow got off on all the attention of strangers liking her fake pictures. I also found the real girl and asked her take on it and she said the fake girl "will get hers" whatever that means. I thought this was so bizarre, hence I was all up in the mix lol.




AngelKriC
It's football time in TENNESSEE!

PeaNut 215,522
July 2005
Posts: 19,962
Layouts: 34
Loc: Big Orange Country!

Posted: 1/25/2013 7:59:59 AM
Yes, but fortunately, it didn't cost me anything but an insanely high phone bill. I was 19 and it was during the dawn of Internet Explorer, for me. It was found out pretty quickly when I called and his girlfriend answered the phone. She and I continued to talk until he had come home and she confronted him ...


Krissy

"My husband said it was the scrapbooking or him, so I took some pictures of him packing and made the cutest pages ever!"

kmk1112
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 11,642
February 2001
Posts: 8,692
Layouts: 66
Loc: Ohio

Posted: 1/25/2013 8:14:22 AM
No, because I was married long before the internet, and still am, but I watched it happen to a young woman at work. She was very immature and naive, and she met a guy online through a social site. They started emailing, im'ing, talking on the phone for hours etc. He lived about 1 hour away, and every time they'd try to meet, something would come up and they couldn't. We all warned her to be careful but she didn't see anything wrong. It turned out in the end that this guy was actually a woman. It wasn't a transgender thing, it was just a mess with someone online thing.

I also had a friend in college who almost married a guy who turned out to be not at all what he said he was. They always lived in different cities, so it made it easier to fool her. It all culminated with the police coming to arrest him at her apartment for embezzlement a few months before her wedding date. On her way to visit him in jail, she was rear ended by a priest, and took that as a sign from God that she should break it off with him. She did, that day, and never saw him or talked to him again. It even turned out her engagement ring was fake.

She's now happily married, but when she met her current DH, he was also living in a different town, and I think she went as far as doing a background check on him! He knew her situation and understood her paranoia, and he had some things that would have seemed like red flags, but were actually true (His Grandma was from a very famous family, a name you would all know, her engagement ring is one of grandma's earings from her debut, it's the size of a dime!)

mandolyn9909
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 183,632
January 2005
Posts: 5,285
Layouts: 57
Loc: Ontario, Canada

Posted: 1/25/2013 9:07:40 AM
I haven't but my brother has at least twice. It is horrible and sad.

BergdorfBlonde - I am so sorry that happened to you, that is just horrible.



olan
AncestralPea

PeaNut 356,359
January 2008
Posts: 4,016
Layouts: 0
Loc: Somewhere Over The Rainbow

Posted: 1/25/2013 9:22:38 AM
Catfished in a sense where the guy used old pictures? Yes. But having someone show up and be a completely different person? No. I was floored by the Catfish movie and feel bad for Te'o. He is Hawaiian and plays for my favorite team ;(

Epeanymous
PeaFixture

PeaNut 15,108
May 2001
Posts: 3,301
Layouts: 1

Posted: 1/25/2013 9:25:37 AM
I've never given money, had a romantic relationship, or gone to visit someone who turned out to be an online faker.

But I used to moderate boards on a parenting site, and there were definitely people who turned out to be fakers on there whom I at various points had thought were real.

Tracyarts
Just content to be ME pea...

PeaNut 44,329
August 2002
Posts: 9,651
Layouts: 31
Loc: 8 miles from Galveston Bay

Posted: 1/25/2013 3:50:30 PM
" There was a woman who had a "terminal illness" on a discussion list and I spoke with her online and on the phone offering emotional support and friendship. Turns out the illness was fake. "

This is what's now known as Munchausen by Internet. Faking illness to get sympathy and attention. The person who sucked me in never asked for money or goods either. And even turned down the offer of a gift at one point. It was all about the attention and the drama of the "illness", how it kept steadily progressing over time, her rapidly failing health, and all the suffering and misery that went with it. The whole scam ended with my getting an email supposedly from her husband to let me know that she had been taken to the hospital and wasn't expected to make it. That's when it got really weird, really ugly, and I realized that it was all just a game and I'd been completely taken for an (emotional) ride.

I wasn't the only one she scammed either. I've since chatted with a couple other women who got sucked in by the same person and had the exact same experience as me. I recently got an email from one with a link to a blog written by the person who scammed us, with the same back story, chronicling her ongoing suffering and steadily declining health. I guess it's easier for her to get her attention and drama fix that way than by trolling support groups now that people are more wary of online fakers.

It's just sick and sad.

Tracy




Pretty In PeaNK

PeaNut 417,489
March 2009
Posts: 5,222
Layouts: 2
Loc: Travelin'

Posted: 1/25/2013 4:31:03 PM

Is there a backstory on how 'catfishing' became the term?
Nev, the original guy who got duped came up with it. The husband of the woman who duped him said that fishing boats would bring live fish in boats across the Atlantic.

But by the time they arrived, they were basically mush because they refused to swim and just sat in their tanks. They added catfish to nip at their tails to keep them moving. There are catfish in our life's that keep us moving so it never gets boring.


"How are we going to get rid of racism? Stop talking about it!"--Morgan Freeman
Uploaded with iPhone client

BergdorfBlonde
Getting blonder every day

PeaNut 162,956
August 2004
Posts: 10,715
Layouts: 0
Loc: LI girl, livin' in the gulf

Posted: 1/25/2013 9:29:50 PM


BergdorfBlonde - I am so sorry that happened to you, that is just horrible.







Thank you, mandolyn.









benem
I live for the applause applause applause...

PeaNut 526,154
October 2011
Posts: 7,786
Layouts: 0
Loc: Illinois

Posted: 1/25/2013 10:17:01 PM
I had a few guys try to scam me when I was dating people I met online.


Uploaded with iPhone client

karmatir
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 262,248
May 2006
Posts: 2,326
Layouts: 17
Loc: Omaha, Nebraska

Posted: 1/25/2013 10:34:47 PM
I've been dating online for 16 years (done now though since Im now married) and met both of my husbands on dating websites so the short answer is yes and I've done it to others as well. The long answer Is more complicated.

The only times I ever did it to anyone else was eons ago before Skype, scanned photos and free cell minutes when I was a stupid teenager. The Internet was new and different. I wasn't trying to be a jerk I just wanted to see what would happen. I stopped doing that a long time ago once I figured out it wasn't as much fun as I thought it was.

As for having it done to me, yep. Lots of times. Never as outrageous as Te'o's situation though. Usually like they say they are single and they aren't, they actually aren't as interesting as their profile says, etc. Stupid stuff. Basically I learned quickly to Google everyone I met and see what pops up. And if they got offended by the sleuthing they weren't worthy. Lots of liarers out there!


~Missy

DastardlyBoo
pea long and prosper

PeaNut 82,656
April 2003
Posts: 10,757
Layouts: 99
Loc: in the middle

Posted: 1/25/2013 10:39:00 PM
My best friend was.

He ripped her off for thousands of dollars, and then dumped her. She fixed his car and even bought him a new computer.

I met him. I didn't like him, but I supported her because she loved him. When her money dried up he started picking fights with her, claiming that she was smothering him, stalking him, didn't trust him.

He had two other women going at the same time. Lived interstate from all of them (including my friend), and had major "health issues" which he used to explain why he couldn't travel, "slept" through the day etc....



Not all those who wander are lost. ~J.R.R. Tolkien

DastardlyBoo
pea long and prosper

PeaNut 82,656
April 2003
Posts: 10,757
Layouts: 99
Loc: in the middle

Posted: 1/25/2013 10:40:19 PM
BB. I am so sorry. That's always my biggest fear with my DDs and my friends.



Not all those who wander are lost. ~J.R.R. Tolkien

BergdorfBlonde
Getting blonder every day

PeaNut 162,956
August 2004
Posts: 10,715
Layouts: 0
Loc: LI girl, livin' in the gulf

Posted: 1/26/2013 1:42:13 PM



BB. I am so sorry. That's always my biggest fear with my DDs and my friends.






Thank you, Boo. I try to warn every girl/woman I know.









jrshapiro
PeaAddict

PeaNut 226,382
October 2005
Posts: 1,577
Layouts: 39
Loc: New England

Posted: 1/26/2013 1:56:16 PM
@ Pretty In PeaNK
thanks for the origination of "catfish" - I had wondered where that came from.



stittsygirl
I AM SHER LOCKED

PeaNut 9,640
January 2001
Posts: 9,044
Layouts: 131
Loc: Deep in the heart of...

Posted: 1/26/2013 2:05:31 PM
No, I fortunately never have. I watched Catfish last night, and just wow .



Kristen, lucky mom and proud retired Army wife!




BethAnneM
Hermetically sealed for your protection

PeaNut 95,504
July 2003
Posts: 8,197
Layouts: 0
Loc: Cali Baby

Posted: 1/26/2013 8:52:58 PM
My exDH was TRULY catfished. He belonged to an online chat site and this happened between 2005 and 2006. People had the option to use webcams in the chat rooms but not everyone did. My ex became involved with a woman that he thought was in her early 30's, blond and attractive. She had tons of sexy pictures on her site profile but she almost never turned on her cam during chats. (ummm...red flag)

Anyway, he had a "relationship" with this woman for almost a year. It got to the point where she was giving my children gifts for holidays but the ex had still never met her face to face. I think she knew his address and would drop the gifts off at his house when he was gone to work. The whole ruse was incredible.

My ex got to the point where he said he was going to move in with her and I honestly thought they had a relationship outside of the glowing screen but they didn't. Finally the shit hit the fan. He discovered that she was a very overweight woman in her late 40's. She was using pictures of a niece and passing them off as her own. The couple of times she actually appeared on the webcam it was really this niece.

Crazy shit goes on when you deal with internet whackos. First rule of thumb, if they won't appear on cam or Skype with you...run the other direction.



BergdorfBlonde
Getting blonder every day

PeaNut 162,956
August 2004
Posts: 10,715
Layouts: 0
Loc: LI girl, livin' in the gulf

Posted: 1/28/2013 12:27:45 PM


if they won't appear on cam or Skype with you...run the other direction.






Guess what?? As scary as it is, I webcammed with a scammer/criminal who had footage of SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!! Yup, it could happen!! So, when you're webcamming, take personal note of things in the background, about a date/time, etc...... It's too easy to even steal footage!!









BethAnneM
Hermetically sealed for your protection

PeaNut 95,504
July 2003
Posts: 8,197
Layouts: 0
Loc: Cali Baby

Posted: 1/28/2013 1:09:58 PM

So, when you're webcamming, take personal note of things in the background, about a date/time, etc...... It's too easy to even steal footage!!


Or make them hold up a current newspaper!!



Annabella
Leads a Charmed Life

PeaNut 43,843
July 2002
Posts: 44,159
Layouts: 46
Loc: East Coast

Posted: 1/28/2013 1:13:40 PM
How do you steal video footage? You're having a live conversation with them.



Show/Hide Icons . Show/Hide Signatures
Hide
{{ title }}
{{ icon }}
{{ body }}
{{ footer }}