If you had a loved one that was cremated, what did you do with their ashes?
Post ReplyPost New TopicPosted 1/25/2013 by Magz811 in NSBR Board
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Magz811
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Posted: 1/25/2013 12:33:51 PM
My father was cremated after his death in 1996. My mother keeps his ashes in her bedroom, on her dresser. They're contained in a plain silver-toned box - it doesn't look like a traditional urn.

We've talked about scattering them before, but I dont' know that I could do that. I don't know why. Now the subject has come up again given the recent passing of my uncle who was also cremated. I'm not sure what my Aunt is planning on with his remains and I don't intend on asking any time soon.

Just curious what other people have done - buried them, scattered them, kept them.

TIA & I apologize for the morbid subject.


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ilovebuble
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Posted: 1/25/2013 12:36:50 PM
My maternal grandparents ashes are both scattered, they had it outlined in their wills so we followed their wishes.

Nyxish
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Posted: 1/25/2013 12:39:55 PM
i still have my cat's ashes on my bookshelf, in a little box. i just keep him. My grandmother's ashes were scattered in the ocean, i have a client who is mixing her FIL's ashes in with soil and planting a memorial flower garden around his favorite reading spot in the yard - which i really love.





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JenErin
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Posted: 1/25/2013 12:46:07 PM
My Gramma passed away in December and the family had her cremated. There was no direction in her will on what her wishes were so we decided to have her interned in a small cemetery just outside of our town in the spring. The cemetery is very park like and we have free reign on headstone styles and decorations. We are able to plant bulbs and small shrubs and other plants if we like. It is in the middle of a forest with a creek running along beside it. It's a very peaceful and beautiful place. More like a garden than a cemetery. Since she is cremated the plot is smaller, about 2' X 3' which is all that's really needed.


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kellybelly77
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Posted: 1/25/2013 12:46:35 PM
We scattered my dads ashes in the river that he used to camp and canoe st.


Kelly

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Posted: 1/25/2013 12:48:21 PM
My Uncle Billy died suddenly of a heart attack in Florida and my Mom made all he arrangements. The Funeral Home shipped his ashes to her at the postal station she picked up the mail for her job at. Uncle Billy rode around in the back seat of her car for 6 months and she finally took him inside. She put him in her guest room and he's been there since. That was nearly 12 years ago.

On the other hand, my cousin Terry and my Uncle John were cremated and my Uncle's wife dumped their ashes in the back of the property they owned the same day she brought them home. She didn't bother to tell of the family, including my Uncle's sister or my Mom until several months after the fact.

She.is.an.odd.bird. to say the least.









little mama
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Posted: 1/25/2013 12:49:47 PM
Our plan is to have the surviving spouse keep the ashes then when the remaining spouse passes away, ds will combine our ashes and scatter them someplace beautiful and peaceful. Not sure where that will be yet!


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Monklady123
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Posted: 1/25/2013 1:03:08 PM
I haven't yet, but when my parents die they'll be cremated and their ashes will be put into the columbarium at Arlington National Cemetery.



stittsygirl
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Posted: 1/25/2013 1:07:59 PM
My MIL's ashes were divided among her children and grandchildren. We keep our portion in a pretty, sealed container. I know my niece scattered her portion in the Pacific.

I've asked that some of my ashes be scattered on our family lakeside property in Idaho. Other than that, I don't care what my family does with them.





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AngelJunkie
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Posted: 1/25/2013 1:09:08 PM
DH and I have planned for our ashes to be in the columbarium at Arlington.

My mother's is in a local cemetary in a stone cross with other urns called the "cremation cross."

DH's beloved labrador's urn is still in his closet.


Lois

SonjaW
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Posted: 1/25/2013 1:09:08 PM
I scattered my husband's ashes in the ocean where he used to sail. A little bit of the ashes went to his mother who put them in the ground next to her and her deceased husband's headstone. After reflecting on it for a few years, I probably should have given her all the ashes but it is done now.

busypea
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Posted: 1/25/2013 1:10:50 PM
We scattered my dad's ashes in the Columbia River.

LonghornMom
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Posted: 1/25/2013 1:11:05 PM
My grandparents (mom's parents) were cremated. My mom kept their ashes for 25 years before she and her sister took a trip to spread them. I don't know why they waited so long, but I know she was glad that they finally did. They spread them a few places along a road trip (some of their parents' favorite places).
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go tigers
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Posted: 1/25/2013 1:15:19 PM
When dh's grandfather died he wanted to be buried next to his mother and father who were buried in the oldest cemetary in town. The cemetary only lets people that have family already buried there to be buried in the cemetary. There isn't any room left there for full graves so people have to be cremated to be buried there. So long story short, he was buried next to his mother after he was cremated. We were able to put up a tombstone.


Melissa

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Posted: 1/25/2013 1:17:36 PM
We scattered my DH ashes mixed with a huge bag of wildflower seeds on a beautiful river bank. We drove past that particular spot on the river millions of times throughout our marriage and he always said, "This is where I want my ashes spread some day." That made it very simple for us. I've told my DDs that I want mine scattered with his some day.

I'm sorry to hear about your uncle.


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kmk1112
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Posted: 1/25/2013 1:19:25 PM
They are interred in the cemetery.

As sort of an aside, I found out my parents have made arrangements to be creamated and buried in the same plot as my brother (who is already dead, buried in a regular casket). I was surprised you could do this, seems nice sentimentally as well as financially smart to do.

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Posted: 1/25/2013 1:22:09 PM
I know my grandfather's ashes were scattered by his children on the grave sites of his own parents.

My grandmother's ashes, however, are still kept in the cardboard box that they we sent through the mail in from the crematory. My mother just keeps them in her bedroom, on top of her wardrobe.

I have no idea why she hasn't either scattered them or put them in a nice urn if she wants to keep them, but I think it's a little creepy to just have them laying around willy-nilly, not quite on display but not taken care of either.



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Posted: 1/25/2013 1:22:58 PM
My father in laws ashes are in an urn on my mother in laws dresser. No scattering or anything.


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worker-pea
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Posted: 1/25/2013 1:28:56 PM
We scattered mom in San Francisco Bay. We have our two much loved dogs on a shelf in the garage and they will be buried at our cabin, maybe this summer.


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Posted: 1/25/2013 1:30:21 PM
We spread my mother's ashes where she requested...at the local lake at her favorite point" (as they are called).

My father (Step) just died and his ashes will be divided between me (the child that took care of him for 10 years, 6 days and his children, who could not be bothered to even CALL him for the better part of 27 years.

My portion of his ashes will be spread where my mother's were. I had a father, this was my Daddy.


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Posted: 1/25/2013 1:31:18 PM
People think it is weird but we had glass beads made with some of my Grandmas ashes, one for each child and grandchild. I wear my bracelet with the bead everyday. The rest were put into a garden in her honor.



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Posted: 1/25/2013 1:40:57 PM
For the two years after my dad passed, before my mom's death, she kept his ashes in a pretty box in the living room. (shelf under her coffee table.) It was weird but not overly disturbing or anything.

After mom died, we had both their ashes buried in the same grave as my dad's parents at Punchbowl National Cemetery on Oahu.

My maternal grandmother and a lot of her older relatives are in a (can't remember what they call that room with the little vaults - at a cemetery)in Fresno, Ca, where she was born.


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scrappincanyon
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Posted: 1/25/2013 1:49:21 PM
My MIL wanted her ashes scattered in the mountains. We have a cabin in New Mexico and there is a very large mountain on our property so we jeeped up the mountain and scattered her there. It is a beautiful spot!

Sherry


Sherry

Roundtwo
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Posted: 1/25/2013 2:01:46 PM
I'm planning to have my ashes put in a Poetree urn. I'm not sure where it will be planted yet - maybe I'll just let the kids surprise me, lol.


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pennyring
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Posted: 1/25/2013 2:05:46 PM
My Grandpa was buried (intact) around 1955ish. When my Gramma died in 2003, she was cremated and buried basically at his knees. There is a 3rd spot for another cremated family member at his feet.

My Dad is buried intact and has the 2 additional spots (knees and feet) for cremation. I've told DH a dozen times to just cremate me and stick me next to my Dad because it'll be super cheap.




MetalDancer
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Posted: 1/25/2013 2:08:03 PM
Kristalina, it's called a columbarium. Not sure if that's spelled right. We have one in the azalea garden at church.


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myboysnme
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Posted: 1/25/2013 2:22:15 PM
My dad's cremains were split up. Half went into a grave with his mom and brother. The other half went to me and I put some at the beach where he grew up, some at Arlington where he used to say he'd liek to be buried, a few in my scrapbook and then a small remaining contianer on my mantle and when my mom passes I will put them with her.


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Posted: 1/25/2013 2:24:12 PM
my dh's grandparents were cremated, and the plan is to take them to Puerto Rico and spread their ashes on the family home.

when dh dies, he insists on being made into a diamond. if I die first he says he plans on doing the same to me. I don't really care one way or other.

transprntbutterfly
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Posted: 1/25/2013 2:32:54 PM
When my dad passed away, I got 2 memorial urns (small urns about 6" high) with his ashes in for myself and my son. One urn is in my living room and my son has one in his room.

My mother and brother kept the rest of his ashes and I have no idea what they did with them as I was not included in that decision.

tamhugh
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Posted: 1/25/2013 2:36:17 PM
One of my co-workers' mother died several years ago. They had her cremated and whenever they travel to somewhere that was one of her favorite places, they take a few ashes and sprinkle them. I liked the idea so much that I told DH that I want him to do the same with me if I die first.

sunluver
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Posted: 1/25/2013 2:47:37 PM
My Dad requested that his ashes be spread on one of our local mountains. So, that's what we did.

ChiCubsFan
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Posted: 1/25/2013 3:12:15 PM
At my mom's request, we scattered her ashes on the mountain near where she lived.

I have told my DH to scatter me a bunch of places like a small amount at Wrigley Field, some in Rome, some in Morocco, some in the local botanic gardens, etc. I love to travel and don't want to stop EVER!

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Posted: 1/25/2013 3:16:18 PM
My sister was cremated, her ashes sit on my entertainment center.








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tara6212
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Posted: 1/25/2013 3:32:33 PM
My MIL buried some of my FIL's remains, and spread some in several locations that he enjoyed visiting in his lifetime. She also sent some away to be included in hand blown glass Christmas ornaments for each of their children.

Kristalina
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Posted: 1/25/2013 3:34:25 PM

Kristalina, it's called a columbarium.
Oh, thank you MetalDancer!


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Posted: 1/25/2013 3:39:25 PM
My grandfather on my dads side was cremated. My grandmother kept his ashes in an urn in his office closet (after spending a period of time on a shelf in the living room). When she passed away she was buried holding a box with his ashes in them.

My parents want to be cremated and would like to be scattered (I think in the ocean or in the bay, though I am not sure of the legalities of this). They do not want to be in a box on the shelf.



firepaws
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Posted: 1/25/2013 3:44:26 PM
My dad was a veteran so both my mom and dads ashes are buried at the Sacramento National VA Cemetery in Dixon. When my mom passed she was buried first. My dad loved the place. It was rally new at the time but over the years it only became more beautiful before he passed he really loved the place. It really meant something to him. We held his funeral there also.

scrappysailorswife
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Posted: 1/25/2013 4:15:40 PM
My Dad died on April 30, 2010. My Mom had him cremated. She still has his ashes in the box they came home in, even though there is a family cemetery in Nebraska with headstones with both my parents' names on them, ready for a final resting place for my Dad. Both of my parents are from Nebraska, but my Dad hated it there. My brother and I thought Dad's ashes should be scattered in the Sacramento Delta and in San Francisco Bay, where he spent many, many happy days fishing and enjoying the outdoors. I guess, now that some time has passed, Mom is having a hard time putting Dad in a place that he didn't like.

DH and I want to be cremated. When the time comes, we'd like our ashes scattered together in the Pacific Ocean. I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area, and it is home like no other place will ever be. I like the idea of going home for my final resting place. I hope our kids will go the beach once in a while and think of us.



bethany1023
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Posted: 1/25/2013 4:29:46 PM
My dad was cremated and is currently staying in the columbarium of my parents church. When my mom dies, I'm to retrieve him and put them both in the garden at a church near the graveyard where my grandparents are buried.

At least in the Episcopal faith, or the churches I'm familiar with that are Episcopal, it is very common to have a columbarium as part of the church as well as a garden where ashes can be buried. At my parents church's garden, they are buried with the soil. At the one where they want to be buried, it's under a small stone tile, and I believe, the urn goes there too. As I'm supposed to move my mom when she dies I guess I'd better find that out at some point.

I-95
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Posted: 1/25/2013 4:37:21 PM
My dad was buried (intact) at a military cemetery, when my mom passed, she was cremated and her urn was buried with my dad.

Knotlazy
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Posted: 1/25/2013 4:39:02 PM
I have only in the past 10 years decided that cremation is an acceptable way to be inturred....my family has always been buried in a cemetary.

It's a family thing...I'm sure. Just took me a while to understand and accept it. But now, I'm all for cremation.

Personally, I've had 3 loved pets cremated, and I want to be cremated and their ashes inturred with mine, in a cemetary where my father's family is buried. I feel the need to "have a place" to be. For my kids.

My mother has said she wanted to be cremated and my sister and I can decide where her ashes remain....I'm thinking in the little East Texas town where her parents are buried...we can sprinkle her there.

Hubby wants to be sprinkled off the back of a boat in the Carribean...A family vacation will be planned.

All that said...I was in charge of my great-aunt Ruth's remains and estate. It was an ordeal as she didn't plan well and left a 17 year old grandson that thought she left him millions.....but actually she was way in the hole in debt. She wrote in her will that she wanted her body to be donated to a medical school, but left no provisions for that (you have to pre-plan for that) and she actually died from a massive infection so that wouldn't have worked anyway. I had to fly by the seat of my pants and figure out what to do so I went with cremation as she had her own son cremated when he died of cancer. I told the young grandson that he could take her ashes and scatter them where his father was scattered but he never did. So 2 years after she died, and her ashed had been in my house, I took her to the lake in our area (she loved to go to the lake when she was younger) and scattered them in the water.

I was alone when I scattered her ashes, but I said a prayer for her (although she was not a church person). That was the only funeral she had. Never heard from the grandson again.




Ladybugtwin
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Posted: 1/25/2013 5:02:42 PM
When my boyfriend died recently, we had the funeral home separate his ashes. I got a vial of ashes which I sent to Poseidons Booty on Etsy and had a necklace similar to THIS made. They sent me back the remaining ashes which I plan to spread by the Life Flight pad at the hospital (he loved watching Life Flight take off). His brothers took some ashes and spread them down at the city dock. The remaining ashes are in an urn with his sister until his son (18 yrs old) saves enough money to have the urn put into a niche at the columbarium at the cemetery. (The son wanted to have somewhere to visit his father.)


Carol

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Posted: 1/25/2013 5:17:37 PM
Here's a light hearted response-please don't take offense.

This question came up once when a member of DH family passed away. DH told me he wants to be cremated and his ashes sprinkled in our bed. My response was to which he added "so I can sleep with you forever"

I guess he assumes I'm never washing those sheets


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lavawalker
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Posted: 1/25/2013 5:24:17 PM
My father was cremated. My mother kept the ashes and once she passed, we had dad's ashes buried with her.

Knotlazy
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Posted: 1/25/2013 6:00:08 PM
And I feel like I need to add this:

I was so hesitant to scatter my Aunt's ashes, because when i had my pets cremated, they told me there might be lumps of bone or teeth in the ashes...the thought of that while scattering my aunt's ashes was disturbing...

but the Peas encouraged me and told me that human remains are not like pet remains and sure enough....my aunt's remains were just fine ashes as I scattered them on the lake.

I've always appreciated that advice. It helped me a lot.

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Posted: 1/25/2013 6:00:22 PM
My grandpa was cremated 17 years ago. He now lives in my moms closet in an urn or box.
Her intention is to spread his ashes in the ocean where he worked most if his life off the Hermosa Beach pier.
Although I doubt that will ever happen


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spitfiregirl
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Posted: 1/25/2013 6:17:54 PM
my mom is in my kitchen, exactly where she would want to be...


MaryAnn





cmpeter
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Posted: 1/25/2013 6:29:33 PM
Dh's grandmother was cremated and her ashes are at cemetery. My dad was cremated and we are about to scatter them over the ocean.


Cindi

JamieBohBamie
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Posted: 1/25/2013 7:04:16 PM
When my best friend died, I thought it best that she was cremated. I can't say that it was any easier for me, but I imagine that's what she would have wanted (not like a 22 y.o. really leaves instructions). Anyhow, in talking with her mom, we decided that a park over by her college would really be the best place to scatter them. I went with her mother, father, and two brothers and her mother and I said a Hebrew prayer (the rest of the family isn't Jewish) and then took the bag and scattered it all over. Occasionally I drive by the spot or even walk out to it, but it doesn't feel quite like a grave and it's hard for me just to go over there. I feel sad driving by her schools (hs and college) and her favorite places. I sort of wish I'd kept a part of her ashes, but I think that also might have made it harder for me.



MerryMom937
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Posted: 1/25/2013 7:12:19 PM
My first husband was cremated and I kind of wanted to scatter his ashes, but his parents felt strongly about burying the ashes (they weren't too keen on the whole cremation thing to begin with). We buried the ashes.

My FIL and his wife were both cremated, but the family had their ashes buried.

My MIL was cremated and my husband scattered her ashes around the grave sites of her parents. A la The Big Lebowski, just as my husband went to scatter her ashes, a little breeze picked up and swirled around and yep, some of her ashes blew all over him.

(BTW, don't do this within sight of a cemetery employee. At least in Ohio, to even scatter ashes at a cemetery requires a permit and a fee paid to the cemetery.)

I've heard of other people who keep the ashes in an urn.
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