What did you learn from your divorce?

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Posted 1/27/2013 by icedpea in NSBR Board


PeaNut 562,203
July 2012
Posts: 1,239
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Posted: 1/27/2013 4:02:52 PM
The good- that I deserved better, though I haven't found it yet

The bad- that I can't trust anyone.


PeaNut 494,100
January 2011
Posts: 506
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/27/2013 4:37:27 PM
I learned that there's nothing wrong with me and there never has been.
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PeaNut 104,551
September 2003
Posts: 11,788
Layouts: 3
Loc: Missouri

Posted: 1/27/2013 4:39:56 PM
I learned that I was really, really depressed and didn't know it.


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PeaNut 181,836
December 2004
Posts: 5,651
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Loc: YouSeeDavis

Posted: 1/27/2013 4:45:34 PM
I'm happier single


PeaNut 412,905
February 2009
Posts: 1,708
Layouts: 5

Posted: 1/27/2013 4:51:38 PM
That marriage is not for me and I'll never do it again. Not even live with someone.

sara b
Labby "Mom"

PeaNut 33,785
March 2002
Posts: 22,367
Layouts: 95
Loc: Indianapolis, IN

Posted: 1/27/2013 4:58:52 PM
Really these are things I learned from my first marriage not necessarily what I learned from my divorce.

* To think before I speak because once you say something you can't take it back.
* I deserve to be happy even if it means leaving.
* You can only work so hard at something for so long. If the other person isn't willing to work at it too, I could either keep working at it myself or walk away.
* I really CAN take care of myself & it's way easier to do if I'm no trying to take care of someone else at the same time who should be taking care of himself.

Sara B

"I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the unhibited creatures we might be if we weren't certain we knew better" George Bird Evans

"Handle every stressful situation like a dog (aka Lab ): If you can't eat it or play with it, pee on it & walk away!" (author unknown)


PeaNut 21,146
September 2001
Posts: 3,301
Layouts: 0
Loc: Right Here, Right Now

Posted: 1/27/2013 6:43:05 PM
I am stronger and more resilient than I ever gave myself credit for.

Also, it's better to be alone than to be in bad company.



PeaNut 50,943
October 2002
Posts: 3,196
Layouts: 74
Loc: Oregon

Posted: 1/27/2013 7:59:16 PM
I learned....

...that it is not a good idea to "settle" for someone because you can live with what is wrong.

...that it is better to hurt them once and get out than to keep waffling.

...that I wasn't ME during my 1st marriage, I was trying to be who he thought I should be.

...that I was so much happier in the rest of my life (work, family, friendships) when I was happy in my personal life. My coworkers were astounded at the changes in me.

...that being true to myself made me a much better person.

Dana in OR not MN
"Dance like nobody's watching"

Useless Information

PeaNut 249,087
February 2006
Posts: 5,228
Layouts: 1

Posted: 1/27/2013 8:11:55 PM
That both people have to want to work to make it last.

That I deserved to be with someone that I actually trust and trusts me. That ended up being one of our biggest issues.

That a divorce doesn't equal failure.

That I'm the one responsible for my happiness, not him.

That it's ok to walk away sometimes.


PeaNut 473,695
July 2010
Posts: 1,128
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/27/2013 8:53:15 PM
I learned that kids see a lot more than we give them credit for. Trying to hide the bad stuff from them to keep the family together is not good for anyone.

I'm not really a new pea but am an anonymous pea who doesn't remember my original screen name before going anonymous. I don't want to be anonymous anymore but really I guess I am still anonymous since no one knows me anyway!


PeaNut 387,904
August 2008
Posts: 1,953
Layouts: 0

Posted: 1/27/2013 8:58:04 PM
That I was stronger than I thot I was.
I could be happy without him.
I was not the failure exdh kept telling me I was.
There is life after divorce. An awesome life.
Exdh always told me, I couldn't do better than him. Not true. I did a lot better than him.
I wasn't the one that made him cheat.

Really Red
Pea-ceful and Hap-pea

PeaNut 24,951
November 2001
Posts: 9,024
Layouts: 1

Posted: 1/27/2013 9:35:37 PM
That I should have recognized the signs 20 years earlier and not settled for what I had.

And that I will never settle again. I may compromise, but I will not settle.


When one door of happiness closes, another opens; But often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
Helen Keller

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 29,331
February 2002
Posts: 6,720
Layouts: 0
Loc: Living in the palm of the hand.

Posted: 1/27/2013 9:48:30 PM
That it takes two to make a relationship work but only one to destroy it.

That I was right when I told myself to never trust anyone else to support me, that I should always be able to provide for myself. I was 16 and saw a close relative walk out on his wife and leave her destitute when I decided that.

And that life is good, very good.

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