Okay Sports Moms, how many of you critique your child's performance in games?

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Posted 1/27/2013 by huskergal in NSBR Board
 

huskergal
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Posted: 1/27/2013 7:33:18 PM
I swore I would never do it, but I can't help myself. Youngest ds is playing basketball, and I can't help but talk to him about his performance after games. I'm not mean. I just wondered if I was the only one.


Susan



SinCity2003
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Posted: 1/27/2013 7:36:31 PM
Nope you're not. We talk to DS after every baseball game and practice. We aren't mean either, but we start with the good, then what he needs to work in and end with overall great game/practice. He is 8 if that makes a difference.
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Peabay
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Posted: 1/27/2013 7:39:27 PM
Not a sports mom, but I am a theater/dance mom and I talk to my girls about their performances afterwards - as long as it's not a one night only kind of thing. If my talking to them can help them improve their performance for the next show, I tell them what was good and what was less good; if it's a one night only kind of thing, I tend to talk only about the good.



IScrapCrap
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Posted: 1/27/2013 7:40:35 PM
I do, but I don't feel like it's ever anything harsh. Just something like remember to keep your hands up when playing defense. It's followed by how he did a good job and had a great attitude.

journey fan
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Posted: 1/27/2013 7:46:22 PM
We used to but then we heard a very interesting sports speaker and agreed with his philosophy. It's long and only he can tell it (a fun and funny guy) but on this topic, we now say after every game "I really enjoyed watching you play." And then we'll add specifics about how what they just did brought us happiness or pride.

Critiques are for later. After games, they are tired, emotionally spent, and just want to hear that you're proud of them

(Before we heard this speaker, yes - we discussed and critiqued games and plays on the car ride home, lol).



writermom1
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Posted: 1/27/2013 8:31:09 PM
I do but time, place and compliment sandwich work.

As does remembering I'm an athletically challenged overweight soccer mom who can't do what they do.



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freecharlie
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Posted: 1/27/2013 8:33:34 PM
I do sometimes. More during the game when he can't hear me or telling him to hustle during the game.


The previous post about waiting until later sounds interesting.


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Posted: 1/27/2013 8:35:27 PM
Of course we do.



TankTop
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Posted: 1/27/2013 8:43:05 PM
My daughter picks a goal for each game. Usually we help her come up with it on the way to game. We only critique on that one goal in an instructional way. She is very high anxiety, so anything more would feel like an attack to her.


Today she played in a volleyball tournament. Her goal was to work on her serves. After the first game we talked to her about stepping one step over towards the center of the court. She was getting to close for comfort to the line before she did this.

At the end of the day all instructional comments are focused. Everything else is positive. It helps her to focus in on one thing.


"Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome." Hope Floats


huskergal
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Posted: 1/27/2013 8:47:59 PM
I usually do not coach from the side line, but there were a couple of moments when I did today. I am trying really hard not to do that. I never did when my daughter played soccer. And I probably wouldn't, but in the games they had to day, we were right on the sideline. I am trying to refrain from doing that.


Susan



journey fan
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Posted: 1/27/2013 8:51:18 PM
Here's the website for Proactive Coaching and the speaker we had was Rob Miller. He was amazing.

He did sessions for the players, the coaches, and the parents. This is the one we listened to:


The Role of Parents in Athletics (for parents)

A straightforward message from athletes to their parents about how adults can help their athletic performance, create good memories and demonstrate respect from the perspective of young people.

He brought in a lot of statistical data and studies as a basis for what he was saying, so it wasn't just his opinion - it's what has been demonstrated to work with athletes. The parents who attended back in October still talk about things we learned and we try to keep each other in check.

This is the only video I could find of him (it's about coaching though).



mightyme
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Posted: 1/27/2013 9:37:43 PM
My kids have played BB for the past 6 years. We always talk about their performance. Good and bad. What they did good or how to improve.
Im not one to sugar coat things and say sweetie you did so good, when they did not.
DS is the only Sophomore on the Varsity team so I must be doing something right
Of course the kids need to be able to take it as helping not a lecture.


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SueSume
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Posted: 1/27/2013 9:54:38 PM
I think that is a slippery slope. I know some parents who had their kid out shooting 100 free throws every time they missed one in a game.

For us, we shot a lot of game film for the coaches and my kids loved to watch it. It was FAR more powerful for them to SEE what happened/did not happen than for us to tell them.

What feels like a critique to you may feel like criticism to them.


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gmcwife1
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Posted: 1/27/2013 10:12:31 PM

For us, we shot a lot of game film for the coaches and my kids loved to watch it. It was FAR more powerful for them to SEE what happened/did not happen than for us to tell them.

What feels like a critique to you may feel like criticism to them.


This is what worked best for me and my sisters when we were showing our horses. So this is what I'll be doing with dd when she starts showing her dog.

When you are doing the activity it feels like you are doing it right. It's easier to see that you are out of position if you can watch yourself on film.


~ Dori ~

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StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 1/28/2013 9:49:33 AM
We listen, but that's about it. My kid usually has a clear picture of his strengths and weaknesses.

Ginger21
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Posted: 1/28/2013 9:59:52 AM
We do on the way home after games when it is fresh in their minds. We also give the pep talks on the way to the games.

doesitmatter?
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Posted: 1/28/2013 10:04:09 AM
I don't - I let the coaches do it. I am there to support them and cheer them on.


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Maryland
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Posted: 1/28/2013 10:10:19 AM
Yes, we tell our daughters what we think they could do to improve their soccer game. But my husband and I never played, so they really don't listen to us!! We don't yell at them, just make suggestions.

We do get annoyed with some of the parents on one daughter's team. They "prowl" (not the dads, just the moms) if they have to play a co-ed team. My husband and I think it's insulting to their daughters like they can't hack it if they play against boys. They are 13-15 yrs. old. My 15 yr. old daughter has played co-ed for 2 yrs. and the best surprise from that experience? That they girls are every bit as good as the boys!!


camanddanismom
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Posted: 1/28/2013 10:24:18 AM
I try to be encouraging, but it is a fact that ds is not a team sport player! He doesn't have a competitive bone in his body!! He loves to do skills training and is strong and fast. We do talk to him about the game he is playing (ie soccer/basketball/lacrosse). I really think he is best suited for things like swimming or cross country and am encouraging him in that direction...


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SuzastampinCTMH
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Posted: 1/28/2013 10:47:07 AM
I never did, as my mother never did. She was at my games as a cheerleader for me and left the coaching to the coach. I have to say, if I was a kid I would dread getting in the car with my "coaching parent" bringing on the critique as soon as the car door shut.



mom2cameron
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Posted: 1/28/2013 10:55:37 AM
You are not alone. I do this with my DD in basketball and softball. I am trying REALLY HARD not to critique her performance during the game. I am a work in process with that.

KikiNichole

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Posted: 1/28/2013 11:08:48 AM
I don't say a whole lot...if I do, it's along the lines of 'Listen to what your dad is trying to tell you...he's just trying to help you get better'.

But even when he remarks, it's not all that often and he usually waits until the adrenaline rush and emotion of the game has passed before bringing anything to their attention.

Our oldest daughter and our son generally end up asking him for advice or commentary...but our youngest not so much. She doesn't like to admit there might be things she could do better. She's a lot like her daddy.


~Kristen~

MerryMom937
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Posted: 1/28/2013 11:14:08 AM
"How do you think you did today?" is usually the question I asked, but only if I felt he wasn't giving it his all.

I never offered a critique, that's the coaches job.


Newbie2
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Posted: 1/28/2013 11:23:18 AM
My DD is too young to critique her on anything yet, but I think if my parents had done that to me when I was young, it really would have bothered me. I was down on myself enough as it was if I messed up.

I think parents should be there, for the most part, to cheer their kids on....

writermom1
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Posted: 1/28/2013 11:27:09 AM

We do get annoyed with some of the parents on one daughter's team. They "prowl" (not the dads, just the moms) if they have to play a co-ed team. My husband and I think it's insulting to their daughters like they can't hack it if they play against boys. They are 13-15 yrs. old. My 15 yr. old daughter has played co-ed for 2 yrs. and the best surprise from that experience? That they girls are every bit as good as the boys!!


Agreed.

A few weeks ago my DD's off-season Girl's HS team was so short that they had permission for my son to stand in as keeper (not his position). We had fun yelling at him "You throw like a BOY!" We were that sidelines crowd but everyone had fun with it - and he kept shaking his head like "they're killing me here!"

I can speak only for soccer but girls can easily be every bit as good or better than boys. It's not a gender exclusive sport. Both my kids have played for years and DS, 15, will tell you there are plenty of girls he'd take on a team over boys any day.




Sparehead3
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Posted: 1/28/2013 11:28:43 AM
DD played soccer last fall and we did have talks afterwards because she was afraid to go up to anyone to get the ball away, she also had a lot of moments where she missed a chance at the ball because she wasn't paying attention and was sitting down in the middle of games/practice to pick flowers... What finally clicked was taping parts of the game and letting her watch herself later.


PhotoHorse
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Posted: 1/28/2013 11:57:54 AM
Both dh and I talk to our kids A LOT about how they perform. We were both athletes, and we've both coached. DH has coached football, baseball, soccer, and basketball. I'm currently coaching track and volleyball. Between the two of us, we have a lot of knowledge, and I think our kids are better athletes because of our involvement. We help them work on what needs work. We take them to the gym and to the field outside of practice. We discuss the performance of other teams with them during games we watch together.

We also know when to release them to the game. I don't coach dd anymore when she's riding. She gets her own horse ready, and I'm removed from it all. We never coach from the sideline unless we're in charge of the whole team. We know when to back off, and we keep the criticism down to what will be constructive. We also limit what we tell them they need to work on so it is manageable and attainable.

For those who will be critical of our involvement, come live with us for awhile. It really works well for us, and our kids both seek us out after every performance. We're pretty honest with them, and they're pretty honest with themselves. We give lots of compliments and we especially praise effort and the results that have come because of the extra time they've put in.

Right now we average six days a week in the gym between the two of them, and none of us would have it any other way.

*Paget*
Cute Girls Pea

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Posted: 1/28/2013 12:22:03 PM
No.

I grew up with a dad that forced my brother and myself to play sports and practice all. the. time. He "critiqued," too. Not fun.

I only say positive things unless my child specifically asks me. My youngest does ask about her dance team competitions. Even then, I tread lightly.

mdoc
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Posted: 1/29/2013 8:13:41 AM
I was always tempted to, but I realized that what I thought of what D did and what the coach thought weren't always the same, so if our "critiques" conflicted she'd be confused. And I'm not an expert, so I limited myself to providing encouragement.

Dalai Mama
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Posted: 1/29/2013 8:23:54 AM
Not a sports mom but a music mom and, yes, I critique my child's performance.


Jo Mama

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BrinaG
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Posted: 1/29/2013 9:29:27 AM
I try not to overdo it.

For my swimmer, it is hard. I am a swimming official, so trained in the technical aspects of the strokes. I sometimes will suggest, "at your next practice, why don't you ask your coach about 'such-and-such' rather than picking things apart myself."

For my hockey players I don't have that level of expertise so I can't offer much, but occasionally I might say something. My dd plays on a team with 4 girls who are exceptional players and the rest of definitely at a different level. Early in the season the 4 didn't pass to their less talented teammates very much. The coach addressed this and as a result the whole team has improved. However, my dd was whining a bit recently that they still are more likely to pass to each other than the rest of the team. At a tournament recently I was watching and realized that my dd was sometimes wide open and calling for a pass, but was not in a good position - she was too close to the front of her own net, and to pass to her would have been risky. I did discuss this with her.
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