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Bingcherry
PeaFixture
PeaNut 198,489
March 2005
Posts: 3,019
Layouts: 5
Loc: Sunny Orlando, FL
 |  Posted: 1/29/2013 2:51:48 PM
I really couldn't come up with a good title so I apologize if it's a bit confusing. I've been an RN for 15 years and I'm sure those in my field would agree that every once in a while a patient comes along that tugs at your heartstrings. I work on a post open heart and lung surgery floor and have been taking care of a patient for the past few weeks. She's really considered difficult by most of the staff but we get along fine as long as I set limits with her. She can be quite manipulative at time but I'm not easily fooled.
The situation that brought her in to the hospital was pretty bad. It's basically a case of self neglect. She has a history of narcotic and alcohol abuse and pretty much developed a pneumonia that progressed to a massive lung infection which required surgery (large empyema for those in the medical field). I just came off a several day stretch and there was talk of her going home today. Initially they wanted to send her to rehab but her insurance has no benefits for rehab so she has to go home.
Her family pretty much told the social worker and I that they are not able to assist her in any capacity. The son said that maybe he could bring her groceries two or three times a month. We even suggested that she stay with him and he said no. There are a lot social issues and family dynamics that I can empathize with but it's YOUR mother. They want the hospital to provide for her which is not going to happen and she's going to fall through the cracks of our broken system.
She told me last night before I left that she had no way to get her prescriptions (she can't drive and is pretty much home bound). Our hospital transportation will take her home but no where else. She needs antibiotics to finish clearing up the infection, groceries, etc.
I keep thinking about her and trying to figure out a way to help her. My concern is my job, I don't want to get in trouble. I also don't want to be stuck in something I cannot get out of. I guess I'm afraid of crossing that invisible line. She gave me her number and begged me to call her when she got home. I am at a loss and I don't know what to do.
Any insight, thoughts, suggestions? | |
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Annabella
Leads a Charmed Life
PeaNut 43,843
July 2002
Posts: 42,333
Layouts: 46
Loc: East Coast
 | Posted: 1/29/2013 2:54:54 PM
You have to step back and remind yourself it's not your problem. Her son can get her prescription, she's manipulating you to make you believe he won't. He already said he can bring her groceries 2-3 times a month, he can get the medicine at the same time. There are services available for her, is she elderly? Meals on wheels. Find out what organizations can help her and give her that info. |
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Bingcherry
PeaFixture
PeaNut 198,489
March 2005
Posts: 3,019
Layouts: 5
Loc: Sunny Orlando, FL
| Posted: 1/29/2013 2:59:17 PM
She's only 55, so not elderly. I live in a very small county and not surprising, there isn't a whole lot of services for her. Trust me, the social worker and I spent hours trying to find help for her.
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justalittletike
AncestralPea
PeaNut 434,313
August 2009
Posts: 4,499
Layouts: 26
 | Posted: 1/29/2013 2:59:28 PM
don't do it. if anything you could help her find maybe like a family services that could help assist her.
once you cross that line backing out will be much harder than getting her help the right way now. I would be careful of getting yourself into trouble with her. |
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busypea
boring + nerdy
PeaNut 52,817
October 2002
Posts: 25,516
Layouts: 145
Loc: Oregon
| Posted: 1/29/2013 2:59:46 PM
I would give her contact information for services/organizations in your community that may be able to help her, but would not establish contact outside of the hospital.
She sees you as a hospital representative and is seeking your advice/help as such. If something were to go wrong, you would be likely opening up the hospital to liability.
When I worked for a hospital foundation, the hospital had specific prohibitions against the kind of thing you are talking about and it could result in disciplinary action up to and including termination. There was a lawsuit years before that prompted that and the hospital learned their lesson the hard way.
I know it is hard when you know people need help, but I think you need to protect your interests here. Give her the information she needs to help herself. It's up to her to do it. | |
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Abbysmeme
BucketHead
PeaNut 124,043
January 2004
Posts: 797
Layouts: 2
Loc: by the bayou
 | Posted: 1/29/2013 3:03:03 PM
Does your hospital have a Social Services Dept? Get the discharging doc to write a SS consult. |
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Annabella
Leads a Charmed Life
PeaNut 43,843
July 2002
Posts: 42,333
Layouts: 46
Loc: East Coast
| Posted: 1/29/2013 3:04:15 PM
See if there's a church that can help. For my insurance it's cheaper to do mail order prescriptions than to go to CVS. Once you start helping her, you'll never be able to stop. |
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Bingcherry
PeaFixture
PeaNut 198,489
March 2005
Posts: 3,019
Layouts: 5
Loc: Sunny Orlando, FL
| Posted: 1/29/2013 3:06:31 PM
She sees you as a hospital representative and is seeking your advice/help as such. If something were to go wrong, you would be likely opening up the hospital to liability.
This is one of my biggest concerns.
Does your hospital have a Social Services Dept? Get the discharging doc to write a SS consult.
Been there, done that.
I just wish her family would step up and help her. I truly hate situations like this.
Thanks for the replies and bringing me back to reality! LOL | |
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busypea
boring + nerdy
PeaNut 52,817
October 2002
Posts: 25,516
Layouts: 145
Loc: Oregon
| Posted: 1/29/2013 3:07:18 PM
And seriously, I know this sounds terrible, but this is an addict. It's not that addicts aren't worthy of help, but they are notorious for manipulating and lying to get what they want/need. They rarely take responsibility for their own actions. If you help her now, she's going to expect ongoing help and lord knows what she might do or say when you can't/won't do what she wants.
This is just drama waiting to happen and the risk to your job is very real. Don't have any contact with her outside of the hospital.
ETA: Her family probably has stepped up and helped her, over and over. They are probably at the end of their rope with helping her. You know how it goes with families of addicts - the addicts suck them dry until they just can't do it anymore. | |
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SayraG
PeaAddict
PeaNut 252,551
March 2006
Posts: 1,786
Layouts: 0
Loc: Brentwood CA to Brentwood TN
 | Posted: 1/29/2013 3:07:51 PM
Hospital's social services; many Walgreens offer delivery services (they deliver to my mom's independent living hi-rise, so I know there must be others) |
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sdt
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 36,898
April 2002
Posts: 7,092
Layouts: 56
Loc: MI
 | Posted: 1/29/2013 3:10:33 PM
what about homecare rn | |
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Wades girl
~CPeaR certified~
PeaNut 26,737
January 2002
Posts: 15,706
Layouts: 273
Loc: Central Valley, CA
| Posted: 1/29/2013 3:10:38 PM
ETA: I added this response when there was only one response to this thread. I see you've answered most of this 
Do you belong to a church that would be willing to help her out?
Do you have "Dial A Ride" (or similar) available in your area?
Honestly, this is all stuff that a discharge planner should have set her up with prior to her discharge. If she didn't see a discharge planner, I'd give her info to them anyway and ask them to help her out.
But I definitely know how you feel about wanting to help passed your nursing job. There have been a few times I've felt like that (sending a tiny helpless newborn home with parents without a clue, car was nasty and barely running, is one case) and haven't reached out for fear of affecting my job. And then I feel bad that our nurturing has to stop at discharge/end of shift. We go into nursing because we love helping people and then are restricted on showing compassion outside of work 
My suggestion, if you really want to contact her and keep tabs, is always have a resource name/number available to pass on to her. So that if she says....I don't have any groceries, you can say.....here's a number to XYZ church that may be able to set you up with a couple days worth. You're helping, but not crossing any lines, and not setting yourself up to become her caregiver.
Good luck! And ((HUGS)) |
*~*Kelly*~*
Formerly known as "Wades girl"
  
Future Labor and Delivery Nurse.
Proud Auntie to Hannah Kathryn, born May 1, 2008!
Missing my Dad since November 22, 2009.
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OSUBuckeyeFan
When does football season start?
PeaNut 182,623
December 2004
Posts: 6,477
Layouts: 0
Loc: USA
| Posted: 1/29/2013 3:18:37 PM
It sounds like she needs to be sent to a skilled nursing facility for rehab and help before going back home. Whatever you do, do NOT offer your personal assistance as that would be crossing the professional line and could end up putting you in hot water with the Board of Nursing. |
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divinghkns
PeaAddict
PeaNut 78,823
March 2003
Posts: 1,747
Layouts: 159
Loc: in front of my computer
| Posted: 1/29/2013 3:38:25 PM
I know you mentioned concern about "getting trouble" at work. Along those lines, by helping her, could you be accidentally put the hospital at risk for liability issues?
I work for a company that provides engineering services related to buildings (i.e. mechanical, electrical and structural). The engineers in my firm are advised against helping non-clients with engineering issues. Their concern is that, let's say my friend John Doe approaches me and says, "Hey, I'm think of tearing down that wall in my house to make the living room bigger, is that okay structurally? I'd hire someone to figure it out but my budget's tight." If I say "You should be fine, tear it out", and then something bad happens (even if it's not my fault), he can come after me. Not only that, but if he can prove that he THOUGHT I was representing my company when I gave him the advice, he might be able to go after them. And even if he isn't successful in going after them, he will likely have put my company through a lot to defend themselves.
So, is it possible that if you help her somehow and then something bad happens to her, that she could come after you and then after your hospital/clinic by claiming she thought you were representing them?
I guess in this case, as hard as it might be, I would probably either anonymously help her (i.e. drop off groceries, ring the door bell and run) or anonymously hire someone to check on her a few times a week (if I could afford it). But my job/income is too important to risk.
If it still makes you feel bad, perhaps there is a place where you can safely donate your time, talents or money and do it in her honor. | |
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revirdsuba
Wise~old Pea
PeaNut 17,460
June 2001
Posts: 22,193
Layouts: 94
Loc: Central NJ
| Posted: 1/29/2013 3:52:03 PM
Not in the medical field here. I agree with everyone else, do not do it! I strongly suggest you do not call her either. If you do she will have your phone number and the calls will never end. | |
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flanz
AncestralPea
PeaNut 211,902
June 2005
Posts: 4,686
Layouts: 2
| Posted: 1/29/2013 3:57:10 PM
As sad as the situation is, I agree that you should not get involved. It seems you have done all that you reasonably can do. Hugs to you... I know it's hard to have a big heart and not be able to figure out how to help someone who is in need. | |
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TalissaAmity
BucketHead
PeaNut 154,643
June 2004
Posts: 538
Layouts: 0
Loc: Melbourne Australia
| Posted: 1/29/2013 4:21:00 PM
It is a sad story, and I would be tempted to help, but I would take the addictions combined with the fact that the family are unwilling to help as a big warning sign. As another poster as said it sounds like they are worn out. I might be more willing if the family weren't around to help, but the fact that they are around but unwilling speaks volumes.
What about this woman's friends and neighbors, does she appear to have any of those?
I would try and supply her with a list of services that might help (local churches etc) and their phone numbers.
Maybe for peace of mind you could ask her to ring you AT WORK in a week or two to let you know how she is getting on. | |
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moveablefeast
do justice, love mercy
PeaNut 265,707
June 2006
Posts: 11,235
Layouts: 0
Loc: Northern Virginia
| Posted: 1/29/2013 4:35:18 PM
Can she qualify for home health services?
Does a local church have a seniors ministry that might be able to step in a little?
Do you know of any home health aides who might like to make a little extra money on the side? Does your hospital work with any home health companies directly?
Since you mention alcoholism as a factor, might AA have any resources for her?
Can she qualify for assisted living?
I'm not going to judge the family for saying no. Sometimes you just can't. | |
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princess_and_the_pea
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 357,204
January 2008
Posts: 2,884
Layouts: 1
 | Posted: 1/29/2013 4:47:04 PM
Sounds like you are a wonderful person! But remember, you said yourself that she can be manipulative and you don't want to put yourself in an awkward position. The son can bring her groceries a few times a month. Is there a local pharmacy that delivers? Or could she afford to have someone (even if just a few hours a week) come help her with what she needs. How sweet of you for wanting to help if you can! | |
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mishkismom
AncestralPea
PeaNut 163,728
August 2004
Posts: 4,267
Layouts: 41
Loc: Connecticut
| Posted: 1/29/2013 5:00:18 PM
I haven't read the responses.
I wouldn't do it. Depending on how far away she is from active addiction and "dry addiction" you could be in big trouble. False theft reports, false abuse reports etc.
Trust me homebound or not if she wanted to use she would find a way. Speaking from an addict perspective there.
Her meds- I get mine from Walgreens.com. CVS has it too. You set it up online and they come right to your door.
There are various ways to get groceries.
Let me just round up everything I want to say by saying this... No one is willing to help her. I really doubt there is a problem with everyone else, YKWIM?
I would offer emotional support while she is your patient but there are many forms of help to homebound folks even in small towns. The patient just has to do the homework to find it.
I feel badly for you actually. Sometimes having empathy isn't easy. I'm lucky I don't have a home full of stray pets and people! It hurts to do nothing. She is lucky to have known you and maybe your kindness will motivate her to get more help. |
Jan *********************************************
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sugarcoated
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 140,176
April 2004
Posts: 2,113
Layouts: 0
Loc: At Work
| Posted: 1/29/2013 5:06:00 PM
Do you live in some outback sort of rural town that has no such thing has pharmacies that deliver? No Pennysavers with ads for people who will run errands? No taxi service?
I get the whole helpless feelings you have when you're ill and you've just had surgery...but she needs to figure this stuff out. And, don't be sucked into it, she probably already has. When she was using, you know she got out and got her drugs somehow.
I'm not being snarky, but just trying to remind you can't take care of the world, nor can you take care of someone who will not care for themselves. You did a great job just by getting along with a difficult patient while she was under your care.
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ScrapperandStamper
PeaNut
PeaNut 469,703
May 2010
Posts: 98
Layouts: 0
Loc: Ohio
| Posted: 1/29/2013 5:22:11 PM
Absolutely, positively do not cross that line - would you want to deal with the repercussions of crossing that line - my facility says no personal information | |
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myboysnme
one of those "entitled" peas
PeaNut 69,081
February 2003
Posts: 6,826
Layouts: 1
| Posted: 1/29/2013 5:24:06 PM
I am a hospital social worker. Don't do it. This is a very resourceful lady. She knows how to access services. She got to the hospital and got surgery.
I am not being cold, I am saying that you are not helping her by stepping outside of your role. The 20 people she tells that you did xyz for her will wonder why you don't do that for everyone, you will get called at home, your family will end up involved, she may show up on your doorstep.
You said the hospital social worker is involved. Let the social worker use the resources that the hospital provides. When there is a person who has family and the family is over it and they love her, why in the world would you jump in?
I know you can justify it by saying someone has to step up, but unless you want to work independently you will likely find yourself without a job.
The hospital I work at will fire a nurse if they provide any type of home health services outside of what they do for the hospital, unless they are employed by an agency and the hospital has signed off that there is not a conflict of interest.
I could go on and on arguing this point. Let me say this; ask your supervisor/nurse manager/ head nurse if they think it would be OK for you to help this patient. They should get you quickly into a boundaries refresher training. Then you should be pretty clear about the way to go.
It is very hard not to have some people in our lives, however we meet them, tug on our heart. But is it worth losing a job over? For me, no way. |
My choice is to not take it personally - people have opinions. Particularly people here.-Peabay 12/29/11
I know this is assuming, but I'm really starting to think you are one of those "entitled" peas - Dalayney 4/2/12
profile pic courtesy of GreenEyedLady Designs at Scrap ARt Studio.
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not2peased
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 260,865
May 2006
Posts: 12,937
Layouts: 0
Loc: Northeast
| Posted: 1/29/2013 5:36:19 PM
I worked at a hospital and occasionally nurses would do things to help out patients they felt particularly close to-it was well known at work and no one got in trouble-in fact people were pretty impressed with their compassion and charity.
since you are worried about your job-speak to the social worker at the hospital yourself and see if there would be a problem with you helping her out on your own time
it saddens me how many people just automatically say no, don't help-especially without even SEEING if it would cause an issue with their employment. IMO, you could have been put in her path for a reason. how much you assist her is purely up to you-maybe you just help her get her meds and thats the end of it-maybe not. IMO, as long as your employer is ok with it-help her as much as you feel called to do.
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-Kerry
Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others.
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wagleg
PeaNut
PeaNut 439,101
September 2009
Posts: 179
Layouts: 1
| Posted: 1/29/2013 6:08:07 PM
I am an RN, don't do it.
Easier said than done, in our profession.
I recently left a job of working hospice in the community. It's easy to get attached, I understand. But, in the same way that we are not allowed to take gifts, crossing the line with this woman would be the same kind of offense.
Can you imagine if she was ever readmitted to the hospital and said she wanted to be on your floor and have you for her nurse because you help buy her meds and food.
The rules are there for a reason, to protect You. It would not only be against hospital policy, its probably against state board rules and regulations, concerning professional boundaries.
If you feel torn, invest your time and energy into something constructive, like helping with a local food pantry, or setting one up.
Also, find out what resources local churches have for those in need.
Best of luck to you.
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myboysnme
one of those "entitled" peas
PeaNut 69,081
February 2003
Posts: 6,826
Layouts: 1
| Posted: 1/29/2013 6:25:13 PM
I worked at a hospital and occasionally nurses would do things to help out patients they felt particularly close to-it was well known at work and no one got in trouble-in fact people were pretty impressed with their compassion and charity.
Those days are over. I hope she doesn't take that advice and expect that her boss will admire her compassion and charity, and find herself out of a job for violating boundaries with a board sanction to boot. |
My choice is to not take it personally - people have opinions. Particularly people here.-Peabay 12/29/11
I know this is assuming, but I'm really starting to think you are one of those "entitled" peas - Dalayney 4/2/12
profile pic courtesy of GreenEyedLady Designs at Scrap ARt Studio.
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Sarah*H
Bring me that horizon!
PeaNut 239,162
December 2005
Posts: 27,943
Layouts: 413
Loc: The final frontier
| Posted: 1/29/2013 6:44:52 PM
This is going to sound harsh but she's in this place in her life - w/o the support of family, friends, without resources, transportation, in horrible health, because of the lifetime of bad choices that she made. I agree with whoever said that her family may just be done. They may have given and cared and tried until they just have nothing left. If you step in to try to fix it, you'll likely just be sucked dry too. It absolutely sucks that our social safety net has holes large enough for people like this to fall through but sadly, that's the reality. She does have options but they will require HER to make the effort and care and not just sit back and let things happen and expect to be continually bailed out. |
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not2peased
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 260,865
May 2006
Posts: 12,937
Layouts: 0
Loc: Northeast
| Posted: 1/29/2013 6:55:07 PM
Those days are over. I hope she doesn't take that advice and expect that her boss will admire her compassion and charity, and find herself out of a job for violating boundaries with a board sanction to boot.
did you READ what I wrote???
that's why I told her to check with the hospital and see if it was a problem.
and as far as those days being "over" this wasnt very long ago at all. |
-Kerry
Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others.
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**cindyupnorth**
Tony is MY hoochie!
PeaNut 3,902
April 2000
Posts: 24,410
Layouts: 9
Loc: MN
 | Posted: 1/29/2013 7:08:02 PM
NO. Do NOT do it. Esp an addict. There's a way she was getting her narc's and alcohol before... Did the social worker look in to getting her classified as a vulnerable adult? There is meals on wheels. There are home care agencies. There are addiction rehab, and sponsers. I think your social worker needs to contact a county social worker and get her hooked up there. SHe probably already is..and is playing the system..let her go..she'll be ok. Or be back in the hosp again. |
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kimberly38
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 198,401
March 2005
Posts: 6,161
Layouts: 0
Loc: Wernersville, PA
| Posted: 1/29/2013 8:38:35 PM
Do you have an office of the aging in your area?
I am in PA and we have this is our area. I care for seniors in their homes and I had a number of clients who were contracted through this office. They only received so many hours a week, (depending on need, etc.), but any help is osme help.
I would start looking there.
Another option, although one to consider is that if she has family and they are not willing to help her in any way, isn't that considered some type of elder abuse? Basically, from what you are saying, they do not plan to do much of anything, even check up on her. I would think that knowing her condition, her children might be responsible in some way.
If she cnanot or should not go to a home alone, isn't there a state facility that will take her for so long, to rehab, etc.? That is what would happen here. | |
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Gsquaredmom
PeaNut 259,367
April 2006
Posts: 7,988
Layouts: 0
Loc: Midwest
| Posted: 1/29/2013 8:59:04 PM
Do not do it.
She has family.
She is trying to manipulate you down a slippery slope. Even if you stay honest and above-board, when she starts using again, authorities will look at you.
You THINK she is not manipulating you. She is good. Veeeery good. |
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delilahtwo
BucketHead
PeaNut 249,970
February 2006
Posts: 628
Layouts: 0
Loc: In crazytown
| Posted: 1/29/2013 9:06:40 PM
Wow does she ever have your number. She is totally and completely manipulating you and you have fallen for it. Right down to how she's difficult and nobody likes her except you.
If her own family can't/won't help her out, don't you start. You are only hearing her side of things and she is making sure you hear what she wants. Don't, don't, don't. It will never end.
I work in a hospital as well and there are lots of manipulative patients. I sometimes wonder which came first, the manipulation or the chronic illnesses and attention seeking behavior? Don't get me wrong, there are lots of fantastic patients who work hard to help themselves and to get better...doesn't sound like this woman is one of them.
Back away. Seriously. Protect yourself. | |
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*Delphinium Twinkle*
I'm just a pea:)
PeaNut 163,613
August 2004
Posts: 69,105
Layouts: 236
Loc: *Sunny Southern California*
| Posted: 1/29/2013 9:49:56 PM
There are pharmacies that deliver.
Also social services should be able to set her up with some sort of meals on wheels thing so she has food if she is unable to leave her home.
And they should be able to find transportation for her to and from appointments. |
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scubascrapper
PeaAddict
PeaNut 270,721
July 2006
Posts: 1,253
Layouts: 10
Loc: Soaking up the AZ sun!
 | Posted: 1/29/2013 9:55:39 PM
Don't risk your license or your job. There are programs and if family is backing away, there is a reason.
I never ever cross that line because as Rns we have to maintain limits.
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I AdmiT IT I caNNot TypE wiTHouT TyPOS!
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angievp
Ideay pues?
PeaNut 143,106
April 2004
Posts: 6,690
Layouts: 36
Loc: Miami
| Posted: 1/29/2013 10:25:24 PM
I'm not a medical pea, but I will tell you this: I've come across a person or two in my day like this in my day. I worked in child support, and goodness, if there is a population of people who need REAL help (not just money thrown at them), is the child support population. No life skills whatsoever for the most part (One gentleman earned over 100K a year as a longshoreman-no high school degree but incredibly dangerous job, and he was always in arrears. The reason? As soon as he cashed his check, he would spend it on booze and women and crap. The only way we figured out how to get him to pay his child support was to make him come in EVERY week and show us the receipt). I was tempted many a time to contact these people outside of the context of my job. I mentioned it to my supervisor, and basically, I've never received such a dressing down in my life. And, you know what? That was the best thing she could have done for me.
Step away. This lady has survived this long without you, and she will continue to survive. I get from your posts that you think she's not manipulating you, but she already has. The "oh poor me," and "I have no one to care for me," bullshit is typical behavior. You have no idea WHY her family dynamic is the way it is. Leave it be. | |
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chellbo
BucketHead
PeaNut 43,867
July 2002
Posts: 697
Layouts: 0
Loc: Rocklin, CA
| Posted: 1/29/2013 10:27:44 PM
Do not cross that line!! I know it can be hard, but there are community resources for these reasons. There is a reason why her family has backed away. We have all had patients that touch your heart, but you must maintain the RN/pt relationship. |
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myboysnme
one of those "entitled" peas
PeaNut 69,081
February 2003
Posts: 6,826
Layouts: 1
| Posted: 1/30/2013 1:18:09 PM
did you READ what I wrote???
that's why I told her to check with the hospital and see if it was a problem.
Gees, Peased - I did read what you wrote; I just vehemently disagree with it. It is good that there are kind and trusting people like you and OP, but not in this case. |
My choice is to not take it personally - people have opinions. Particularly people here.-Peabay 12/29/11
I know this is assuming, but I'm really starting to think you are one of those "entitled" peas - Dalayney 4/2/12
profile pic courtesy of GreenEyedLady Designs at Scrap ARt Studio.
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not2peased
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 260,865
May 2006
Posts: 12,937
Layouts: 0
Loc: Northeast
| Posted: 1/30/2013 1:26:35 PM
Gees, Peased - I did read what you wrote; I just vehemently disagree with it. It is good that there are kind and trusting people like you and OP, but not in this case.
what part do you disagree with? asking if it's ok at work BEFORE she does anything to help this person?
you said you hope the OP doesnt take my advice-my advice was to see if helping this person out would cause any issues with her employment. not sure why that would be bad advice. |
-Kerry
Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others.
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MerryMom937
PeaFixture
PeaNut 472,567
June 2010
Posts: 3,138
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 1/30/2013 2:25:12 PM
The Social Services department needs to provide her with what limited resources are available after the doctor writes a SS consult. Her prescription can be filled at the hospital prior to her discharge.
If you know of a church in your community that might assist, give her the phone numbers to call. She's not incapable of providing some assistance for herself in terms of making phone calls. Prior to this illness, she was getting her groceries somehow and some way. right?
I'm a social worker and I would not advise you to get involved outside of work with her. Unless your hospital has a "follow up phone call" program, I wouldn't call her.
I think there is a bit of transference/counter transference issues going on here. And I think you are buying a little bit into her manipulation. | |
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myboysnme
one of those "entitled" peas
PeaNut 69,081
February 2003
Posts: 6,826
Layouts: 1
| Posted: 1/30/2013 3:47:42 PM
Peased - I got the idea from your post that you thought it might be kind of in the cards or meant to be or something, that OP was meant to help her out. I do not agree with that, because even if she was meant to help her out, it might be at the expense of her job. Most code of ethics for health care professions include specifics related to boundaries.
Unless her job as an RN is to provide, say, home based primary care, I got the idea this would be outside of what her job is at the hospital. I also suggested she ask her employer, but I also surmised that they would see this as boundary confusion and see the need for training so she can more clearly differentiate.
But like my siggy says, 'people have opinions,' so it just so happens mine is a bit different than yours. It's OK. |
My choice is to not take it personally - people have opinions. Particularly people here.-Peabay 12/29/11
I know this is assuming, but I'm really starting to think you are one of those "entitled" peas - Dalayney 4/2/12
profile pic courtesy of GreenEyedLady Designs at Scrap ARt Studio.
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jenjie
PEAsed to be here
PeaNut 88,667
May 2003
Posts: 22,888
Layouts: 283
Loc: NJ
| Posted: 1/30/2013 4:11:19 PM
As the family member of a patient who is ><thisclose to losing her POA, there is probably a very good reason her family is choosing not to help. Dh's nana has been uncooperative this whole time. She defies her medical team and twists things around, telling us half-truths. She wants "no negativity ", which means nobody better tell me anything I don't want to hear. She blames everything on everybody else so she doesn't need to face the fact that she brought this on herself.BTW she almost died twice in the hospital. She expects people to drop everything to attend her.
She had a big plan to leave rehab this Friday after only being there a week. There was some confusion over whether or not she understood she would be leaving against the better judgment of the rehab doctor. We headed her off at the pass and she agreed to abide by whatever her family doctor says. However dh and I both feel that she is hoping for one more trick up her sleeve.
If she continues to be uncooperative and defiant, we will hand the POAs and her bills and such back to her. We cannot condone her behavior and we are worn out. Our kids are being neglected and our health is... susceptible to problems. I had a panic attack last week from the stress of it all. We want to help but she only wants help on her terms.
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~Jen
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3kidmama
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 268,201
July 2006
Posts: 5,021
Layouts: 8
Loc: Northwoods
| Posted: 1/30/2013 4:11:26 PM
I live in a very rural community. I am an RN myself, but now disabled and dependent on my family and home care nurses for care here at home.
My family picks up my meds for me, but if not there are several local pharmacies who MAIL meds to you - many of my friends get their that way!
People can have non-caring families, but you yourself say that this patient is difficult. Perhaps she has just worn out her family members with years of dealing with her addictions and manipulative behavior. Unfortunately, she is now living with the consequences.
The very best thing you can do for her is to care for her while she is in the hospital. BUT, do not step outside those professional boundaries. You will not be doing her any favors - and will only make it harder for other medical people charged with her care down the road.
Surely, your hospital social worker can find a way to get her the antibiotic RX filled for her??? | |
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not2peased
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 260,865
May 2006
Posts: 12,937
Layouts: 0
Loc: Northeast
| Posted: 1/30/2013 4:27:54 PM
Peased - I got the idea from your post that you thought it might be kind of in the cards or meant to be or something, that OP was meant to help her out. I do not agree with that, because even if she was meant to help her out, it might be at the expense of her job. Most code of ethics for health care professions include specifics related to boundaries.
Unless her job as an RN is to provide, say, home based primary care, I got the idea this would be outside of what her job is at the hospital. I also suggested she ask her employer, but I also surmised that they would see this as boundary confusion and see the need for training so she can more clearly differentiate.
But like my siggy says, 'people have opinions,' so it just so happens mine is a bit different than yours. It's OK.
your post told her specifically that you hoped she didn't take my advice to check with her employer before she did anything
and yet your advice was that she check with her employer before she did anything?
makes perfect sense |
-Kerry
Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others.
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zombie*grrl
AncestralPea
PeaNut 281,551
October 2006
Posts: 4,347
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 1/30/2013 4:37:00 PM
Don't do it. It's not your job and it opens you up to liablities as a professional. I don't think the hospital would be in any danger from your actions as you're not representing them in any professional capacity (except maybe in that patient's mind) but it's a very unwise move.
Your county doesn't have visiting nurses or homemakers or Meals On Wheels? Doesn't your hospital have a pharmacy that could have filled the Rx for her before she left? I understand not having many options if she's rural as far as pharmacy delivery, but then she needs to get set up with mail order. If you are absolutely worried about her getting the antibiotics, I understand, but she is no longer your patient. If her family is done with her, there is probably a reason. Do not call her. You already know she is manipulative. And if she is that neglectful of herself, I guarantee you'll see her again within the month, being readmitted for an infection. | |
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Bingcherry
PeaFixture
PeaNut 198,489
March 2005
Posts: 3,019
Layouts: 5
Loc: Sunny Orlando, FL
| Posted: 1/30/2013 4:43:05 PM
I appreciate all of the responses. I absolutely understand why her family has distanced themselves for her. Trust me, I'm not easily fooled by anyone. I've been doing this many many years and understand exactly the situation she is in.
I go back to work tomorrow and will talk to the social worker again though I'm pretty sure they've exhausted all their attempts for community services. I'm not planning on calling her. I value my job and my license to much.
Thanks |
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