S/O Baby shower for third child WDTPT?
Post ReplyPost New TopicPosted 2/3/2013 by susans sister in NSBR Board
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susans sister
PeaFixture

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Posted: 2/3/2013 5:13:09 PM
My daughter is 43 and pregnant with her third child. The other two are 14 and 13. It is very obvious that she needs baby things. Is it OK for a shower in this case? I think so. WDTPT?

scrappower
Allons-y Alonso

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Posted: 2/3/2013 5:14:31 PM
I don't see why not. But I am not huge on etiquette for things like that.



I-95
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Posted: 2/3/2013 5:17:09 PM
Yes, of course. With teenagers it's not like she has a stash of onesies in the closet, just waiting for this moment.

Congratulations to her. She is a brave woman to do this at 43!!

redboots
BucketHead

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Posted: 2/3/2013 5:19:21 PM
I don't see anything wrong with this at all.

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Posted: 2/3/2013 5:30:11 PM
If she needs baby things, I assume at her age she is established and can buy them, no?

If she wants a party for things, then say so, but I never understand the rationale that it's b/c you need things.



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Posted: 2/3/2013 5:31:45 PM
If it were me I'd be wanting a vodka and manicure shower for after the baby was born. I would LOSE MY MIND if I were pregnant at 43. She should have a RAGING shower!



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susans sister
PeaFixture

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Posted: 2/3/2013 5:32:30 PM
She is not established and really cannot afford this baby. No insurance for starters. She really needs baby stuff and everyone who knows her knows this.

revirdsuba
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Posted: 2/3/2013 5:32:34 PM
With that age gap, she will need everything and things have changed so much since the others. Not a problem to throw a shower.

susans sister
PeaFixture

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Posted: 2/3/2013 5:34:02 PM
Shih Tzu Mommy I agree with you.

nighthawk
PeaFixture

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Posted: 2/3/2013 5:34:16 PM
I think it's fine. I remember my mom having a surprise shower thrown by her for my brother who is 7 years younger than me and 5 years younger than my sister. First boy and a 5 year gap I think people figured she needed baby stuff too.

If someone wants to throw a shower for every kid than awesom, if they want to give them just one, thats fine too. Do what works for you and don't worry about the ettiquette hand ringers.

angel97701
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Posted: 2/3/2013 5:37:11 PM
Congrats to her! Yes, by all means have a party to celebrate the new family member. She does not have baby things, and there have been many great new inventions for use with babies since her last one was born. All that said, are friends/family on board? Maybe check around w/ Aunts, Cousins, co-worker and see how they might respond, OR if any of them might be willing to host?

We had a shower . . . we were adopting two kids from Russia ages 10 and 3 at the time. We had to provide everything for our new boys. Starting from scratch was expensive--we were up to our necks in adoption costs, and our friends/family were so excited and really wanted to help us. We got clothing, age appropriate toys & books, even backpacks. It was a big all ages family party!


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Posted: 2/3/2013 5:38:43 PM
Of course!


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liasmommy2000
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Posted: 2/3/2013 5:40:30 PM
In this case I think it's fine. If it's been a while, definitely fine. It's when they are quite close together and people do a second full out shower that it's a bit much IMO. Having a small shower with diapers and clothes (esp if different sex babies) fine. But I've known of people who have a second child just a year or two later and have big showers with registries and large ticket items and that's ridiculous.

However in your dd's case it's doubtful she has baby stuff and if she does it's outdated, worn out and possibly recalled etc. I say she should have a nice big one and enjoy every minute of it!


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StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 2/3/2013 5:43:21 PM
Since she doesn't have baby things anymore, it's ok!



moveablefeast
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Posted: 2/3/2013 5:43:29 PM
I threw a shower for a friend's second and have gone to many showers for third babies or more!

I love the opportunity to celebrate a new baby and have never been offended by a shower invitation for one. The age gap is so substantial that I would be even more inclined to go celebrate.

finally~a~mama
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 2/3/2013 5:56:23 PM
I think it's absolutely okay! My family/friends don't really do showers for second babies, but totally would in this case. Even if she still had baby things many of them would be recalled by this time.




OKtrae
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Posted: 2/3/2013 6:00:58 PM

If she needs baby things, I assume at her age she is established and can buy them, no?

If she wants a party for things, then say so, but I never understand the rationale that it's b/c you need things.




Using the rationale of actual need then lots of first babies would not be afforded a shower. Mine certainly wouldn't have been.

Though I'm one who thinks baby showers are a ball of fun. My circle doensn't play dumb games, we have girl chat and good food and we open gifts and coo at cute clothes and enjoy it though.

I think the mom of teenagers now having a baby is a great person to have a shower for. Just look at all the neat new stuff that her friends with younger kids can recommend and get for her.






CMHS
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Posted: 2/3/2013 6:02:26 PM

First boy and a 5 year gap I think people figured she needed baby stuff too.


This was me, too. I got rid of EVERYTHING after DD2 was finished using it. Got pregnant with DS 5 years later (at 40) and my wonderful friends threw a lovely shower for me.

The thing I realized with DS though was that I didn't really need as much stuff as I had had with the girls. For example, I had sold the changing table and that's one of many items we did without with DS. I just threw a changing pad down where needed and changed him. I didn't buy as many clothes in newborn sizes because I knew they wouldn't get worn before he outgrew them. Instead, I did laundry more often, etc.

I think a shower is definitely OK.



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StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 2/3/2013 6:03:30 PM
Doesn't matter if it's the 2nd baby in 9 months or the 4th baby in 10 years. It's a new baby, celebrate!

Laurel Jean
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Posted: 2/3/2013 6:03:35 PM
I think it is totally fine. You could put together some fun invitations.

I would not hesitate to go to a shower for a third child, especially in that situation. I would probably (along with a baby gift), bring something calming a soothing for mom too!

batya
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Posted: 2/3/2013 6:05:28 PM
OKTrae-I never did have a shower for my first. I didn't like the idea of a party that was 'asking' for gifts. So I do put my money where my mouth is.

OP-let her have it then. Sounds like no one goes by any rules nowadays anyway. And if I was friends with her I would go with a smile and a gift in hand b/c she is my friend. As simple as that.


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doesitmatter?
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Posted: 2/3/2013 6:06:08 PM
I think so. Celebrate this baby as you would any other


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Imblessedwth6
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Posted: 2/3/2013 6:07:09 PM
Why would it be "wrong" to give someone a baby shower? If someone thought it was I would imagine they just wouldn't go.

SDeven
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Posted: 2/3/2013 6:07:36 PM
Maybe only among the closest family members and a few close friends. Those who would probably help out with the baby anyway.






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Posted: 2/3/2013 6:12:09 PM
To me a shower is a party for a young girl in her 20s. I would be embarrassed to have a shower at 43.

But if this was my pregnant friend I would be happy to buy a gift and attend her shower.


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CarolT
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Posted: 2/3/2013 6:15:56 PM
Absolutely!


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cyndijane
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Posted: 2/3/2013 6:16:05 PM
I have a friend in a similar situation. She's not 43, I think she's just 29, but her boys are 8 & 11, she just found out she's pregnant. Very much unplanned- I'm sure she has *nothing*.

I don't know if she'll have a shower, but I can assure you, I'll happily go baby shopping for her and the little one!

Tishy
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Posted: 2/3/2013 6:17:19 PM
Absolutely ok for a shower in my book.




ksuheather
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Posted: 2/3/2013 6:18:51 PM
I would in the instance you describe. I will admit that I had a shower with child #3 who is only 19 months younger than her brother. The coffee group for DH's unit really wanted to throw one so we went out to eat and I opened gifts as our coffee for that month. It was a lot of fun and a great evening with fantastic ladies.



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PeaFixture

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Posted: 2/3/2013 6:20:28 PM
I am one of those people who think every child needs a shower. Each and every one should be celebrated.


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scrappower
Allons-y Alonso

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Posted: 2/3/2013 6:22:18 PM

To me a shower is a party for a young girl in her 20s. I would be embarrassed to have a shower at 43.

But if this was my pregnant friend I would be happy to buy a gift and attend her shower.


Really? I just went to a wedding shower for someone in her 40sand a baby shower for someone in her late 30s, first baby. Didnt know there was some age rule.



2peafaithful
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Posted: 2/3/2013 6:35:27 PM
She needs a shower for sure!!!!

Woobster
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Posted: 2/3/2013 6:40:47 PM
Screw the rules. If your daughter needs baby things, and you and your circle want to throw her a shower, go for it.

If someone disagrees with it, they can politely decline the invitation.

No bigge.

PEArfect
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Posted: 2/3/2013 7:05:41 PM
I think each pregnancy should be celebrated. If some of your guests disagree then they can decline.



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nancyscrappin
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Posted: 2/3/2013 7:08:05 PM
They need help after that long- all of the old baby stuff is prob gone or recalled Don't forget a homemade gift(see other shower post)
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myboysnme
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Posted: 2/3/2013 7:15:15 PM
No. I would spend that money at thrift shops, consignment shops, yard sales to get things she needs. I don't see any need for a shower. Her friends and family will likely give her gifts when the baby is born.

I say this because I don't think everyone needs a shower, even those who just love parties. I don't think a shower is to 'welcome a new person to the world.' I mean, in this case, she obviously needs things, but I wouldn't be hitting up friends to provide what she needs unless they want to give a gift after the baby is born.

If it was me, I'd send out birth announcements and people generally send a gift. If she lets people know she can use stuff many times people have good quality baby stuff they no longer need that they will pass along to her.

However, having a shower at age 43 has nothing to do with my opinion. If she needs stuff and in her case, sounds like maybe she can't afford it, then having a shower is one way to get some stuff. But by your 3rd kid I don't care who you are, you know you really don't need much when it comes to babies. Most stuff is barely used or never used.


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Maryland
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Posted: 2/3/2013 7:17:54 PM
That's a big age difference, so that's fine! Congratulations to her! I bet her "big" kids are excited!

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Posted: 2/3/2013 7:20:52 PM
Yes, have a baby shower. It's been a long time since her last child was born. Even if she still had baby equipment from the last kids, it'd be out dated.

Congrats G'ma!


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Posted: 2/3/2013 7:24:45 PM
My baby is 27 now. He is the 3rd of three very closely spaced babies. Some sweet ladies at a church we attended held a shower for me/him. We had just moved and didn't know too many people. The shower was a total surprise to me. It was sweet of them. Obviously, I'm fine with showers for 2,3,4... whatever baby it is.

What I am less fine with is the amount of involvement the mtb seem to have in the shower. It seems more of them are acting as hostesses instead of a guest of honor.


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Posted: 2/3/2013 7:25:52 PM
I'm ok with a baby shower for every baby.

GrinningCat
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Posted: 2/3/2013 7:33:14 PM
I'm in the "shower for every baby" camp. So yes, she should definitely get a shower.

And this:


No. I would spend that money at thrift shops, consignment shops, yard sales to get things she needs. I don't see any need for a shower. Her friends and family will likely give her gifts when the baby is born.

I say this because I don't think everyone needs a shower, even those who just love parties. I don't think a shower is to 'welcome a new person to the world.' I mean, in this case, she obviously needs things, but I wouldn't be hitting up friends to provide what she needs unless they want to give a gift after the baby is born.

If it was me, I'd send out birth announcements and people generally send a gift. If she lets people know she can use stuff many times people have good quality baby stuff they no longer need that they will pass along to her.

However, having a shower at age 43 has nothing to do with my opinion. If she needs stuff and in her case, sounds like maybe she can't afford it, then having a shower is one way to get some stuff. But by your 3rd kid I don't care who you are, you know you really don't need much when it comes to babies. Most stuff is barely used or never used.
Is, to me, such a negative and sad way to look at things.

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Posted: 2/3/2013 7:48:19 PM
I love babies and think they should be celebrated......so I say go for it!



alittleintrepid
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Posted: 2/3/2013 7:49:29 PM
Every baby is worth celebrating! (I personally enjoy showers that are held AFTER the baby is born so that I can get in some baby-cuddling!)

angelaspangela
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Posted: 2/3/2013 7:49:37 PM
For all those against a shower, I'm struggling to figure out how the timing of the gift makes a difference. Regardless of whether or not something is gifted prior to the child being born or not it's FOR the baby. So why not have a freaking piece of cake and give the mommmy to be a hug for good luck because regardless of how many babies you've had it's still a new adventure and it won't be the same as the ones prior. What the heck isn't there to celebrate about that?

I-95
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Posted: 2/3/2013 7:56:46 PM

However, having a shower at age 43 has nothing to do with my opinion. If she needs stuff and in her case, sounds like maybe she can't afford it, then having a shower is one way to get some stuff. But by your 3rd kid I don't care who you are, you know you really don't need much when it comes to babies. Most stuff is barely used or never used.



How much stuff don't you need? My kids went through onesies and sleepers 5 times a day, they grow out of them so fast you need more. And third child, or not, she's still going to need somewhere for the baby to sleep a crib/bassinet, a stroller, a car seat, a high chair, diapers....it's a lot of stuff when you're starting from scratch.

justalittletike
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Posted: 2/3/2013 9:10:08 PM
She is having a baby.

Give the woman a shower. I can't imagine restarting at 43 with two big kids. That alone makes her deserve one!


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BoSoxBeth
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Posted: 2/3/2013 10:28:48 PM
First of all, congrats to your daughter!!!

I think it is fine in this case, since the other kids are much older.

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Posted: 2/3/2013 10:30:31 PM
Since there us such a large space between children it's fine. Most people don't keep all their baby things that long so everyone will understand


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Posted: 2/3/2013 10:35:02 PM

For all those against a shower, I'm struggling to figure out how the timing of the gift makes a difference. Regardless of whether or not something is gifted prior to the child being born or not it's FOR the baby. So why not have a freaking piece of cake and give the mommmy to be a hug for good luck because regardless of how many babies you've had it's still a new adventure and it won't be the same as the ones prior. What the heck isn't there to celebrate about that?


This. EVERY baby deserves to be celebrated, whether there are 2 or 10 in front of it!


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AmeliaBloomer
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Posted: 2/4/2013 12:21:13 AM
Yes, I would understand the appropriateness of a shower in the situation described by the OP.

I'm curious: For those of you advocating a celebration for every baby, do you go to showers for EVERY baby of your friends and relatives? That's a whole lot o' showers!



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