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AntJackie
BucketHead
PeaNut 209,453
June 2005
Posts: 760
Layouts: 0
Loc: Illinois
 |  Posted: 3/4/2013 11:38:11 AM
What do the peas say? I already have an opinion and will share later, just want to see if I'm thinking like a normal person would think.
Scenario: Things are going great with the BF. We are looking to move in together by the end of the year, but we have the opportunity now to rescue a bunny that needs a home. We have been talking about pets and right now a bunny would be ok since we more then likely would be in an apartment for at least another year. Here's the problem, his BFF is allergic to them and he said we can't get the bunny now because then she can't come over to visit. It has been over a year since she has been in his current place. As the girlfriend how would you feel. | |
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Lenethren
PeaNut
PeaNut 225,264
September 2005
Posts: 64
Layouts: 3
Loc: Okanagan, BC Canada
| Posted: 3/4/2013 11:42:37 AM
As it has been a year since she has been over I don`t understand the problem. My opinion is get the bunny. |
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it."~ Geothe
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gar
Whoopea!
PeaNut 172,235
October 2004
Posts: 12,499
Layouts: 0
Loc: England UK
 | Posted: 3/4/2013 11:43:39 AM
I would think it pretty odd that he'll forgo a pet that he wants for a friend he hasn't seen in a year.
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"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
Stephen Roberts
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Peabay
Happy now?
PeaNut 156,993
July 2004
Posts: 44,678
Layouts: 13
Loc: Connecticut
| Posted: 3/4/2013 11:44:54 AM
He doesn't want the bunny, for whatever reason.
We can't get a cat because my step-father is deathly (seriously he has anaphylaxis) allergic to cats. He's only here a few times a year, but I wouldn't put him in that position. Is she that allergic?
If not, he just doesn't want the bunny. You have to decide if you want the bunny more than you want him. |
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SockMonkey
LibrariaNerd
PeaNut 56,220
November 2002
Posts: 28,780
Layouts: 184
Loc: Illinois
 | Posted: 3/4/2013 11:45:43 AM
The whole situation is weird.
The end of the year is a long way away. When do you plan to move in together? Does the bunny stay with you or him until then? If it stays with him, don't get the bunny. He obviously doesn't want to deal with it right now.
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Georgiapea
Mom to the Wild Things.
PeaNut 96,783
July 2003
Posts: 26,430
Layouts: 0
Loc: Poss-a-Dillo Hill, Ozark, AL
 | Posted: 3/4/2013 11:47:32 AM
Do you ever talk with his BFF? I would be for asking her if you and he having a bunny would be a problem for her. | |
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Annabella
Leads a Charmed Life
PeaNut 43,843
July 2002
Posts: 42,259
Layouts: 46
Loc: East Coast
| Posted: 3/4/2013 12:38:35 PM
Let me make sure I understand this correctly. You are moving in with your boyfriend but he won't let you get a bunny because his female friend (who will be visiting you) is allergic to them? That is totally weird, does he plan on replacing you with her? Otherwise he can see her outside of his apt, not sure why she needs to visit him anyway? |
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Shih Tzu Mommy
Million dollar camera, 10 dollar lock!
PeaNut 224,352
September 2005
Posts: 23,525
Layouts: 0
Loc: Right here
| Posted: 3/4/2013 12:41:27 PM
A friend hasn't been over in a year and has any say about ANYTHING!? I would say too bad, so sad, this poor bunny needs a home! |
Dog people are a special breed! | |
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tracylynn
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 54,403
November 2002
Posts: 2,538
Layouts: 0
Loc: Washington State
| Posted: 3/4/2013 12:43:17 PM
I'm not sure why a friend would have any part in the decision making.
If you both want the bunny ... then get the bunny. |
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SmartyPants71
MTB Pea
PeaNut 53,328
October 2002
Posts: 5,451
Layouts: 2
Loc: Bellaire, TX
| Posted: 3/4/2013 12:46:05 PM
It doesn't sound like he wants the bunny. | |
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voltagain
OklaPhoma
PeaNut 18,334
July 2001
Posts: 35,144
Layouts: 15
Loc: State of cultural confusion. Yeehaw and Aloha have collided!
 | Posted: 3/4/2013 12:57:05 PM
While I agree it sounds like he doesn't want the bunny, instead of being straight forward about it his communication style is very indirect.
It would give ME pause as to where I stand in the heirarchy of his relationships (a bff that hasn't been to his place in over a year has more standing than I do? ) and how he communicates (instead saying "I'm not ready to commit to a bunny right now) that is going to be difficult for the long haul. |
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megmc
AncestralPea
PeaNut 497,090
January 2011
Posts: 4,919
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 3/4/2013 1:32:59 PM
Bunnies are a very stinky indoor pet, and most apartments won't let you have them.
anyway this may be a sign of why don't you hold off about moving in together until you are on the same wavelength about pets. | |
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recap.pea
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 288,074
December 2006
Posts: 2,997
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 3/4/2013 2:02:17 PM
Since the pet hasn't been brought into the home yet, I wouldn't get it. If his BFF is allergic, then it would make it hard for her to visit.
My BFF is highly allergic to cats - she only comes to my house about 2 or 3 times a year (she live about 2 hrs away) but I wouldn't bring a cat into my house because I know then that she couldn't visit.
It would be a different situation if you had a bunny when you and BF met but since the bunny isn't in the picture, I wouldn't get one. | |
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peasful1
Needs a New Pea Title
PeaNut 44,870
August 2002
Posts: 14,176
Layouts: 1
Loc: Valley of the Sun
| Posted: 3/4/2013 2:29:39 PM
I dunno. I kind of understand. My son has a very good friend who is in a wheelchair. He doesn't come over that often, but he was someone I considered in the back of my head when we purchased this home. No, we did not base an expensive purchase solely on this friend, but the fact that he would feel totally welcome here and could now hang out in my son's room because it's a single level was a variable that fell into the "pro" column.
We don't have a lot of people who come here who are allergic to peanuts, but I still don't stick a peanut butter laden knife into the jelly jar when making PB&Js just incase I need to use that jelly for someone who is.
As for your specific situation, you don't live together, you don't as of yet have any concrete plans to your move-in date just some obscure future date sometime within the year, you really have no idea where you will be living, you don't yet own a pet together nor have you agreed to a type of pet but *you* think you might as well get a bunny because one needs a home despite the fact that someone your boyfriend loves and cares about can't be around it and so has therefore expressed he'd rather *not* get it. I'd hold off on getting any pet together until you are actually living together, are settled and agree on the type of pet to get.
To me it looks like you're jockeying for position and using the bunny to prove that you and what you want is more important than his (female) best friend. |
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"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself." -- Wayne Dyer
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peasful1
Needs a New Pea Title
PeaNut 44,870
August 2002
Posts: 14,176
Layouts: 1
Loc: Valley of the Sun
| Posted: 3/4/2013 2:29:40 PM
I dunno. I kind of understand. My son has a very good friend who is in a wheelchair. He doesn't come over that often, but he was someone I considered in the back of my head when we purchased this home. No, we did not base an expensive purchase solely on this friend, but the fact that he would feel totally welcome here and could now hang out in my son's room because it's a single level was a variable that fell into the "pro" column.
We don't have a lot of people who come here who are allergic to peanuts, but I still don't stick a peanut butter laden knife into the jelly jar when making PB&Js just incase I need to use that jelly for someone who is.
As for your specific situation, you don't live together, you don't as of yet have any concrete plans to your move-in date just some obscure future date sometime within the year, you really have no idea where you will be living, you don't yet own a pet together nor have you agreed to a type of pet but *you* think you might as well get a bunny because one needs a home despite the fact that someone your boyfriend loves and cares about can't be around it and so has therefore expressed he'd rather *not* get it. I'd hold off on getting any pet together until you are actually living together, are settled and agree on the type of pet to get.
To me it looks like you're jockeying for position and using the bunny to prove that you and what you want is more important than his (female) best friend. |
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"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself." -- Wayne Dyer
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enjoytotheend
AncestralPea
PeaNut 359,333
January 2008
Posts: 4,038
Layouts: 0
 | Posted: 3/4/2013 2:46:41 PM
Where does she live? Couldn't you just go visit her. To me that seems odd too and I have a lot of guy friends. I just can't imagine putting them above someone I was that serious with. | |
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enjoytotheend
AncestralPea
PeaNut 359,333
January 2008
Posts: 4,038
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 3/4/2013 2:46:42 PM
Where does she live? Couldn't you just go visit her. To me that seems odd too and I have a lot of guy friends. I just can't imagine putting them above someone I was that serious with. | |
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enjoytotheend
AncestralPea
PeaNut 359,333
January 2008
Posts: 4,038
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 3/4/2013 2:46:50 PM
Where does she live? Couldn't you just go visit her. To me that seems odd too and I have a lot of guy friends. I just can't imagine putting them above someone I was that serious with. | |
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enjoytotheend
AncestralPea
PeaNut 359,333
January 2008
Posts: 4,038
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 3/4/2013 2:46:50 PM
Where does she live? Couldn't you just go visit her. To me that seems odd too and I have a lot of guy friends. I just can't imagine putting them above someone I was that serious with. | |
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AntJackie
BucketHead
PeaNut 209,453
June 2005
Posts: 760
Layouts: 0
Loc: Illinois
| Posted: 3/4/2013 10:15:34 PM
Thanks for all the responses. To answer a few questions:
1. We are planning on moving in together, but need to wait for a 2 bedroom apartment. The one he is in now, is very tiny and it would be tough for us to get around and be comfortable. We are also waiting on some job news for the both of us.
2. We had previously talked about a bunny and getting one for my birthday in September. The reason we are looking at this little guy is he comes from a place where people have interacted with him, he just needs a more permanent home.
3. From my understanding her house is not wheelchair accessible for us to go visit her.
I never thought that this could be his indirect way and saying that he doesn't want the bunny. I had given him an out about this rabbit, but he keeps asking questions about him which gives me the impression that he does want him.
My knee jerk reaction to the situation was why is she getting a say in how we get to live. If it was a family member that we see alot then I would completely understand, but I felt his mind was already made up rather than talking about it to me. There are still some things that we need to talk about before the bunny is ours, but I feel like there are a few bigger things that maybe we need to talk about too. | |
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voltagain
OklaPhoma
PeaNut 18,334
July 2001
Posts: 35,144
Layouts: 15
Loc: State of cultural confusion. Yeehaw and Aloha have collided!
| Posted: 3/5/2013 4:32:31 AM
My knee jerk reaction to the situation was why is she getting a say in how we get to live. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I think that is a knee jerk reaction that is very very valid and needs to be paid attention to, even after it is addressed, to make sure her needs as a friend doesn't supersede your position as the significant other. |
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Artbabe
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 428,650
July 2009
Posts: 2,074
Layouts: 0
Loc: Columbus, Ohio
 | Posted: 3/5/2013 6:46:39 AM
Bunnies are a very stinky indoor pet
This is slightly off topic but this caught my attention.
Rabbits are not stinky. I don't know where that came from. I fostered a bunny and there was no smell except for the hay and straw that were used for food and bedding. That was a pleasant smell. The bunny itself doesn't stink and if you change the litter box that shouldn't be a problem, either.
My cats' litter box is a lot stinkier than a bunny's.
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Tracy
I put my heart and soul into my work, & have lost my mind in the process. Vincent van Gogh | |
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TinCin
Ancient Ancestor of Pea
PeaNut 29,331
February 2002
Posts: 6,216
Layouts: 0
Loc: Living in the palm of the hand.
| Posted: 3/5/2013 8:19:17 AM
Better make sure they are even allowed in the apartment complex before you commit to one. As for his BFF and her allergies how would you feel if the situation were reversed and it was your BFF andnhim wanting the bunny? |
| PROUD MEMBER OF UAW LOCAL 659 - Home of the Sit-Down Strike! | |
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~scrap-it-all~
PeaFixture
PeaNut 7,143
October 2000
Posts: 3,677
Layouts: 0
Loc: IL
 | Posted: 3/5/2013 8:22:09 AM
Hmmm...well, if my BFF was allergic to bunnies, I wouldn't want one in my house. I would pick a different pet she's not allergic to. However, it sounds like this is a loaded question.  |
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WillowJane
Running the Marathon, Not the Sprint
PeaNut 110,589
October 2003
Posts: 6,593
Layouts: 8
Loc: Texas
| Posted: 3/5/2013 8:54:14 AM
Let's take a step back for a second...
Do you know just how big of a mess an indoor bunny will make in just excrement? Considering you will have to keep it in an apartment, I would re-think the bunny from just a livability situation.
If the BF says he doesn't want a bunny this early in the relationship, regardless of the reason behind it (maybe he just doesn't want to hurt your feelings) I would flat out ask him if he wants the bunny or not and be prepared to take "no" for an answer.
BTW - there is no way in Hades I would have a bunny as an indoor pet. I raised them for a 4-H project for a few years. Cute, cuddly, and fuzzy little things, but no way would it live inside. Ick!
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AntJackie
BucketHead
PeaNut 209,453
June 2005
Posts: 760
Layouts: 0
Loc: Illinois
| Posted: 3/5/2013 9:27:09 AM
Artbabe - I completely agree with you. They don't smell, they are cute and fun. I have lived with an indoor bunny for 12 years. PJ was a lot of fun running around and when I was in an apartment for 6 months, the complex treated him like a cat and charged us accordingly. He ran around the place and had great fun. He wasn't a chewer and he liked that he had free reign of the place when I was home because there wasn't anyplace he could hide. They don't smell as long as the cage is changed regularly.
If the tables were turned, I wouldn't stop him from getting a bunny. My BFF and I could work out other things. We see each other alot at her house as it is, so I wouldn't think any different to keep those arrangements going. | |
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BudgetMama
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 138,670
March 2004
Posts: 2,163
Layouts: 2
Loc: Oregon
| Posted: 3/5/2013 11:20:32 AM
I'm on the side of "a bunny is not a good apartment pet" regardless of the bff situation. | |
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megmc
AncestralPea
PeaNut 497,090
January 2011
Posts: 4,919
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 3/5/2013 12:47:06 PM
I have friends with rentals. They said the smell of the rabbits was 10xs that of cats.
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Artbabe
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 428,650
July 2009
Posts: 2,074
Layouts: 0
Loc: Columbus, Ohio
| Posted: 3/5/2013 6:29:54 PM
Rabbits are definitely not for everyone. They are a lot of work. I would be a hundred percent sure that a bunny will work for you and your boyfriend before you commit. Cats are a lot lower maintenance.
Maybe badly taken care of bunnies stink. Mine was taken care of and it did not stink. I'm absolutely sure of that. I've been in plenty of houses of members of the House Rabbit Society, also, and I've yet to be in one that stunk.
I know there are a lot of people that don't take care of their animals, however, so I don't doubt that a stinky rabbit can happen.
But rabbit does not automatically equal stink.
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Tracy
I put my heart and soul into my work, & have lost my mind in the process. Vincent van Gogh | |
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Free~Bird
Honorary Bearcat!
PeaNut 104,551
September 2003
Posts: 9,942
Layouts: 3
Loc: Missouri
| Posted: 3/5/2013 8:15:02 PM
He's just not that into you(r bunny).
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benem
Yo, that's fifty dollars for a T-shirt.
PeaNut 526,154
October 2011
Posts: 5,549
Layouts: 0
Loc: Illinois
 | Posted: 3/5/2013 10:13:21 PM
Well I think the end of the year is 9 months away. If you are really into bunnies and he knows that then you need to resolve that before you move in.
I do think he just doesn't want the bunny. |
"We are NSBR. We talk about E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.
Diva Cups Merkins Tub Girl Crock Pots Kitten Heels The Hoff HOF Obama Bush Kardashians Shopping Carts Shopping Trolleys Dead Aunt Cookies Trolls Not Trolls Garden Snakes Snails Stripper Poles with or with out Birds In-Laws Scoff-Laws Blogs Borg Paint Colors Dinner Books and Each Other"
--SueSume, 3/21/13
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Annabella
Leads a Charmed Life
PeaNut 43,843
July 2002
Posts: 42,259
Layouts: 46
Loc: East Coast
| Posted: 3/5/2013 10:14:00 PM
Who is in a wheelchair? |
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benem
Yo, that's fifty dollars for a T-shirt.
PeaNut 526,154
October 2011
Posts: 5,549
Layouts: 0
Loc: Illinois
| Posted: 3/5/2013 10:19:04 PM
I have friends who have had bunnies for pets and they didn't smell bad at all. They were very sweet. |
"We are NSBR. We talk about E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.
Diva Cups Merkins Tub Girl Crock Pots Kitten Heels The Hoff HOF Obama Bush Kardashians Shopping Carts Shopping Trolleys Dead Aunt Cookies Trolls Not Trolls Garden Snakes Snails Stripper Poles with or with out Birds In-Laws Scoff-Laws Blogs Borg Paint Colors Dinner Books and Each Other"
--SueSume, 3/21/13
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Burning Feather
I conceived but I can't see you
PeaNut 158,336
July 2004
Posts: 36,199
Layouts: 3
Loc: Ain't no black widow serial killer going to get between me and my man
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FurryPea
Sit. Stay. Pea!
PeaNut 115,196
November 2003
Posts: 7,368
Layouts: 101
Loc: It's dark in here......I can't see a thing!
| Posted: 3/6/2013 12:08:38 AM
Just wondering.....is she going to be making accommodations about her not-wheelchair accessible living arrangement so that you guys can visit her?
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AntJackie
BucketHead
PeaNut 209,453
June 2005
Posts: 760
Layouts: 0
Loc: Illinois
| Posted: 3/6/2013 7:21:55 AM
Thanks for the responses. BF is in a wheelchair and has been for over 10 years. I've kind of tabled the idea of a bunny at the moment, but he keeps asking if I have called about him. And his mom has asked about the bunny as well. Also there's no jealousy on my part. I just don't think it's fair that she had a say. My last BF put his friends ahead of me and I don't want to start walking down that path again. I don't think I'm asking too much to be the first one in line with my BF thinking of US first. | |
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**GypsyGirl**
Well, Bless Her Heart.......
PeaNut 142,890
April 2004
Posts: 15,108
Layouts: 1
Loc: I am Switzerland!
| Posted: 3/6/2013 8:15:25 AM
I don't think I'm asking too much to be the first one in line with my BF thinking of US first.
No you are not. And if it is not this friend being put first, then who/what will it be next? BTDT and my experience is they will always find something/someone to put ahead of you.
I think you are smart to table this and be willing to have more discussions - about the rabbit and your relationship. As I have told my DD, pay very close attention to the 'red flags' in a relationship before you commit for life. Because typically they never go away - and only get worse with the years. Be very, very sure you can live with those 'red flags'. Whatever you do, do not move in together until you have sorted this out. It's much more difficult to walk away once you've crossed that threshold.
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Toni
Professional Expat Wife, Hell Holes are my Specialty!
Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
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