Do you ever look at your ex and think what was I thinking?

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Posted 4/2/2013 by icedpea in NSBR Board
 

icedpea
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Posted: 4/2/2013 2:21:12 PM
I read this somewhere the other day. Unfortunately, for me it's the other way around. I have trouble remembering why I left...

Ginger21
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Posted: 4/2/2013 2:28:04 PM
I think that way about my ex-fiance. We never should have dated and just stayed friends. I found out later that my family called him my first husband because they knew it never would have worked.

Roundtwo
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Posted: 4/2/2013 2:33:16 PM
I have only had to see him maybe twice in the past 4 years but yeah, I wonder wth was wrong with me. I have some awesome kids out of the deal though, so I can't say I regret it all.


I'm not really a new pea but am an anonymous pea who doesn't remember my original screen name before going anonymous. I don't want to be anonymous anymore but really I guess I am still anonymous since no one knows me anyway!

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Posted: 4/2/2013 2:37:45 PM
No. My ex was a great guy and an amazing friend to me. We married for the wrong reasons. If I could still be friends with him (his wife hates me) I would be.


Now my recent exbf has shown himself to be something I never expected and I'm so disillusioned, I can't imagine how he could have turned on me like he did.

SharlaG
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Posted: 4/2/2013 2:55:18 PM
No. I did a decent job choosing him, knowing what I knew at the time.

This is a pretty significant realization for me, actually.







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Melmag
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Posted: 4/2/2013 3:59:03 PM
Not really. Mine was a prince, but he turned into a frog. He is not the person I married, at all.


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justbecause
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Posted: 4/2/2013 4:03:17 PM
Yep. I look back and think, why in the hell did I marry him? Other than wanting to get the hell away from my family, looking for an excuse why to leave school, and simply run from the problems I was having, I didn't have any good reason. Within a year or so, I was tired of him and wanted out. I regret my choices. Don't regret the kids but do regret him.



Kelpea
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Posted: 4/2/2013 4:05:11 PM
Do you ever look at your husband and think what was I thinking?



Ginger_64
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Posted: 4/2/2013 4:13:30 PM
Yes. And it's terrible to feel that way. I probably come as close to hating him as I do anyone. Our relationship is quite horrible and sadly we do have a 22 year old son together. I think I almost knew I was making a mistake while I was doing it and it went from bad to worse. I have no excuse except my life was taking a different path than most of my friends (my closest friends all got married and had kids in their teens while I went to college). I was happy with my choice initially, but I think I felt "left out" as idiotic as that is. I had a really wonderful long-term boyfriend who was my best friend but I knew I didn't want to marry him. When I finally had the courage to break up with him, I think I just latched on to my ex very quickly after that.

We've probably spoken once in the past four years or so and it was a screaming and cursing match over the phone. We absolutely cannot communicate with one another.

Maite
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Posted: 4/2/2013 4:17:24 PM
No. I think we married for the wrong reasons, and he ended up not being the one for me, but I wasn't mature enough to understand that at the time. I do have a beautiful dd with him, and that I wouldn't change for anything.


Maite

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ilovecookies
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Posted: 4/2/2013 4:23:17 PM
You seem obsessed with your ex, OP.



scrappysailorswife
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Posted: 4/2/2013 4:26:00 PM
Sometimes. I think I just wasn't wise enough to see him...to really see him. He treated me like a princess the entire three years we dated, but became a different person very soon after our wedding.



WorkingClassDog
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Posted: 4/2/2013 4:29:05 PM

Do you ever look at your husband and think what was I thinking?



HAHA.. I told my dh that exact same thing last night... he was acting all dorky and I just spit out.. "what the hell was I thinking getting married to you??"... he started laughing and said, I have NOOOO idea, but you picked me....



myboysnme
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Posted: 4/2/2013 4:47:20 PM
I look at my ex and wonder how in the hell I ever thought we could make it as a couple. There was no indication then or now that we were ever suited to be together. When I see him now, I think it was all about some kind of chemistry/attraction thing, because there is no way we should ever have gotten married.


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bodegabayca
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Posted: 4/2/2013 7:12:06 PM


no, but i look at my sister's ex and wonder what the hell SHE was thinking!


danor98
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Posted: 4/2/2013 7:31:51 PM
hi jack.......

Hey, icedpea.......I sent you peamail the other day! did you get it?




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icedpea
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Posted: 4/2/2013 7:37:09 PM
Yes, I just saw it today. The issue is a better with some of the other things, but I will keep that in mind. Thanks!

obsidian
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Posted: 4/2/2013 7:42:51 PM
No. They are exes for a reason. lol.

melanell
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Posted: 4/2/2013 8:41:56 PM

I told my dh that exact same thing last night... he was acting all dorky and I just spit out.. "what the hell was I thinking getting married to you??"... he started laughing and said, I have NOOOO idea, but you picked me....


Sounds like my DH. Whenever I tell him he's being weird, annoying, whatever, he answers with "You married me.". Yeah, yeah, I know!



SMayer
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Posted: 4/2/2013 8:44:19 PM
I never look at my Ex. I haven't seen him in 19 years!

pennyring
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Posted: 4/2/2013 8:45:07 PM
No. But my exes were just boyfriends, not husbands. Mostly, I found them attractive. We were incompatible. We broke up. The end.




TinCin
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Posted: 4/2/2013 9:14:09 PM
No but I look at him and think "Thank God this man came into my life and gave me these two wonderful boys" then my next thoughts are "Thank you also for his no longer being in my life!"


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zombie*grrl
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Posted: 4/2/2013 9:24:44 PM
My husband almost became my ex and I look at him all the time and am thankful we struggled and worked to stay together. We are in the middle of a renewed love affair due to living apart for 7 months (new job in a new state and selling old house).

Mary Kay Lady
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Posted: 4/2/2013 10:53:33 PM

I'm just getting to the point of realizing that there were signs w-a-y back when we were dating that if I'd heeded them . . .

If I knew then what I now know I wouldn't have married him. I did get two amazing sons out of the deal, but I still can't help but wonder how my life would be different if I'd either stayed single or married a different man.


megmc
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Posted: 4/2/2013 11:18:48 PM
My ex-fiance married the girl that he was cheating with. They have 4 kids now, she is the one that is working and he is still the lazy useless lump that he always was. He also broke into my mother's house and robbed her. I know he did it but can not prove it.

megmc
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Posted: 4/2/2013 11:18:50 PM
My ex-fiance married the girl that he was cheating with. They have 4 kids now, she is the one that is working and he is still the lazy useless lump that he always was. He also broke into my mother's house and robbed her. I know he did it but can not prove it.

CountryPeaGirl
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Posted: 4/3/2013 12:01:52 AM
Every.Single.Day.. I keep hoping a day comes when I can appreciate him in some way. But what I do know is the man I thought I knew for 17 yrs is gone and replaced by someone I do not like or have any respect for. I regret ever having met him. I would not trade my 4 amazing children.. But if I could just go back and talk to that 17 yr old girl.. Oh the things I would say.


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jodster70
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Posted: 4/3/2013 1:51:33 AM
I've thought that in the past about one ex-boyfriend...but now we're friends and I'm okay with having dated him.

The part that I'm not okay with is how I allowed him to treat me the last time we dated. I learned from it though, and if I ever date again, I will never let a guy treat me that way.

If something happened to my dh, I would have to RREEAALLYY like someone to date though. I hate dating with a passion.


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*KAS*
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Posted: 4/3/2013 6:20:03 AM
No, but I never married any of them, they were just boyfriends. I still like every guy I've ever dated, all the way back to high school. I am Facebook friends with most of them. I just knew we weren't compatible long term, so I moved on. Sometimes my choice, sometimes theirs. Lots of hurt at the time, but they are all good men.


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Roundtwo
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Posted: 4/3/2013 7:54:39 AM
T/J
I've been wondering how you are doing Micki. From your reply here it sounds like your ex is following the remorseless cheaters handbook. I'm so sorry to hear that - I have no idea why they follow such a path of destruction after we leave them.


I'm not really a new pea but am an anonymous pea who doesn't remember my original screen name before going anonymous. I don't want to be anonymous anymore but really I guess I am still anonymous since no one knows me anyway!

tampascrapper
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Posted: 4/3/2013 9:22:39 AM
Yes, as I type this! I met up with him and his parents to drive to ds' graduation together. Gonna be a long day!


Margie

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Posted: 4/3/2013 9:23:33 AM
No... because I avoid looking at him at all cost.




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Posted: 4/3/2013 9:23:54 AM
Well, I know what I was thinking when I married him.

I look at him and think that I should have listened to my gut and not have married him!



jesslee
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Posted: 4/3/2013 10:13:46 AM
I wonder that sometimes but its amazing what you wish you knew. My first husband was my best friend. I never saw anything coming. I still can't believe all the nasty things he did. Its all on him and I let that go a few years ago. I don't want all the stuff on my shoulders. I am thankful for the beautiful dd I got out of the deal. Though right now she is a teen and she gives me gray hair!

the future is so much better than the past. I'm getting married in May and so wish I had met Shawn years ago. We can't believe what we had to go through to find each other but it was all worth it to have this happiness.

mistysmere
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Posted: 4/3/2013 10:16:18 AM
I had a friend's mom tell me that my X was fine to look at. I just responded by saying "yes he is, the 10 times a year he bothers showing up for his kid". We just laughed and moved on.

I also had one of ODS's teammates mom's trying to figure out how I could be attracted to both X and DH. She felt they were sooo different. A friend of mine told her that both men are incredibly similar intellectually. One just happens to be a selfish jerk and the other understood from the start that he would never be number one in my life.

I don't question what I saw in X. I admire a lot if his qualities. So much so that I looked for them in my second husband. It took us 15 years to see that there are aspects of our nature that do not mesh. Knowing his wife, I see that similarities exist between us. But a person who puts a high value on appearance and a person who puts a high value on family have to both work hard to maintain a relationship and there was no way he was going to put in that effort with me. And I wasn't willing to make all the changes he wanted me to make.

Kerry

icedpea
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Posted: 4/3/2013 10:20:09 AM
misty - at least you were smart enough to realize that he had characteristics that were positive. You were able to find them in someone else. I, on the other hand, went to the polar opposite of the ex. Somewhere in the middle would have been better.

Cincysis
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Posted: 4/3/2013 10:28:03 AM
Lets see, and please don't judge...x#1 - High school sweetheart and I loved him so. i just didn't know how to be a wife that he wanted. I was only 19 and was raised in a sheltered environment. He didn't know how to be faithful. Even at that young age. x#2 - We married for all the right reasons. Had a child just 9 months after marrying and for the next 9 years we were so happy. Then the next 5 years were terrible. He had a personalty change that hit me like a freight train. And he did hit me like a train a few times. I knew it was over when I left and didn't cry when I saw him in the rear view mirror. HAHA-sounds like a country song. Now husband #3 - that I am so lucky to have in my life understood from day one that my children would always be first and that he would have to wait until they grew up for that position in my life. Well he has waited and I couldn't be more blessed. I truly believe that the third time is a charm. (Something my grandmother use to say but I don't think she meant husbands). lol

transprntbutterfly
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Posted: 4/3/2013 8:07:50 PM
All of the time.
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Twinkiejo
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Posted: 4/3/2013 8:36:55 PM
Nope, never do that cuz I haven't seen him in many years and plus I was so happy to be free from that relationship ----the only thing I wonder about is why I didn't leave him sooner


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{Betsy}
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Posted: 4/5/2013 5:30:37 AM
I haven't seen my ex for many years, but did see his picture on FB and he looked like a complete stranger. I have NO idea whatsoever what I could possibly have seen in him. There is not the slightest appeal to me.


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