God must have laughed

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Posted 9/28/2013 by *Erin in NSBR Board

triathlon pea

PeaNut 80,864
April 2003
Posts: 10,658
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Loc: Gone to chemo with BethAnne

Posted: 9/28/2013 3:07:53 PM
...when He realized that I thought my son would be the easy one to raise. That is all.

Oh, and I think his eighth grade year will kill us all.

I Pea Sporadically

PeaNut 63,919
January 2003
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Loc: probably at a sports game or practice

Posted: 9/28/2013 3:10:22 PM
My ds is a freshman this year, but last year was the most difficult year so far (followed closely by the year he was 3 and had temper tantrums constantly). I'm not sure what the issues are that you are facing, but ds had a horrible time with bullying, motivation, and friendships. This year is completely different. He's back to being the kid we knew was trapped inside his anger and (probably) depression.


Happy now?

PeaNut 156,993
July 2004
Posts: 46,562
Layouts: 13
Loc: Connecticut

Posted: 9/28/2013 3:25:42 PM
My easiest kid, my youngest, has recently become my most difficult. She's almost 11 and I think hormones are God's way of saying: "Ha! You thought you were a good parent!"

triathlon pea

PeaNut 80,864
April 2003
Posts: 10,658
Layouts: 13
Loc: Gone to chemo with BethAnne

Posted: 9/28/2013 3:42:51 PM
Amy, I don't know what's going on with him, but I really hope it's temporary.

I just found out that not only has he been flaking out on his science project, he has been lying to me about it. To my face.

For weeks he has been assuring me that he is on top of things, that he is holding up his end of the work and not giving his science partner fits. He even told me that he made the logbook conferences with his teacher and that she gave him the thumbs up on everything. Today, because his story finally unravelled I found out at none of it is true. He has done NOTHING. This project isn't due until December, but there are graded benchmarks and he's only met one of them. I'm a little annoyed that his teacher hasn't let me know that there's a problem because none of this is showing up in the online grade book, but the bulk of my frustration is with my son. I'm at a loss.

And this is only one of his subjects. The only thing he's not flaking out in is video journalism--an elective.

Peabay, thanks. That made me smile because that's exactly what this feels like.

pearl-clutching nitpicker

PeaNut 201,774
April 2005
Posts: 16,721
Layouts: 15
Loc: gone to chemo with BethAnne

Posted: 9/28/2013 3:49:48 PM
My sweet, beautiful DD became a raging virago from 11-14. The rest of her teen years, she was a little more human but still very difficult. I didn't think we would survive.

Today she is 30 and has been back to being sweet and beautiful for many years. Thank the good lord.

(My son, on the other hand, was an easy teen but now has somehow regressed to adolescence all over again, and it ain't pretty.)

Many sympathies as you deal with these years.

northern california

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."
--Bertrand Russell

triathlon pea

PeaNut 80,864
April 2003
Posts: 10,658
Layouts: 13
Loc: Gone to chemo with BethAnne

Posted: 9/28/2013 4:24:46 PM
Thanks Lucy. I know deep down that he will learn from this and he will eventually become a responsible and contributing adult, but at this moment that seems sooooooooo far away. If he's not interested in a thing he blocks me when I try to help because he just doesn't want to "waste" time doing it. This is just an extreme form of blocking and it surprised me that he would go this far.

We're at the library now so he can do some (very late) research and I'm sitting across the table from him trying to keep my temper.

Bring me that horizon!

PeaNut 239,162
December 2005
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Loc: The final frontier

Posted: 9/28/2013 4:30:45 PM
It happens every single time I think that "wow, I thought it would be harder than this." Real life slaps me across the face. God must have some kind of sense of humor.

black eyed pea with soul!

PeaNut 15,878
May 2001
Posts: 25,921
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Loc: LI, NY

Posted: 9/28/2013 4:48:41 PM
I was thinking she must have told Him her plans. Hang in there...

original pea number #3450
This Black Butterfly

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 290,201
January 2007
Posts: 12,947
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Posted: 9/28/2013 5:37:10 PM
5th and 8th grades were both terrible. There must be some stage they go through at that age, maybe alien possession or something. We had double the fun since we had twins. At least with the younger two boys, I know what to expect after going through it with the older two.

Just keep reminding yourself that this too shall pass.

Mary Kay Lady
I'm thinking . . .

PeaNut 367,913
March 2008
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Loc: The state of Confusion!

Posted: 9/28/2013 6:12:15 PM

I'm right there with you. My youngest was the sweetest boy you'd ever want to meet. Not so much any more. He's argumentative and likes to challenge authority. I hope we both survive.


Typical Liberal Pea

PeaNut 55,230
November 2002
Posts: 18,604
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Loc: Fly Over Country

Posted: 9/28/2013 6:30:27 PM
Middle school is TOUGH.

You're a great mom and your son seems like a great kid, your just hitting a rough patch. I'm afraid there will be more, but you'll get through it. We did.


PeaNut 295,825
February 2007
Posts: 922
Layouts: 3

Posted: 9/28/2013 7:12:54 PM
Omg this made me laugh.
I think you should label it __X___grade son though, or maybe teen. We're all gonna get our comeuppance the next few years.


PeaNut 380,757
June 2008
Posts: 924
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Loc: Australia

Posted: 9/28/2013 8:59:42 PM
I'm just thankful that mine tag team. When one is being an absolute toad, the other is a prince. I can't imagine what'll happen if they ever toadify in sync.

Step away from the chocolate and nobody gets hurt....
My blogs....

triathlon pea

PeaNut 80,864
April 2003
Posts: 10,658
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Loc: Gone to chemo with BethAnne

Posted: 9/28/2013 10:09:41 PM
Thanks everyone. We just finished for the night and he's no longer behind, but there is so much work coming up that I think I'm going to have to make him show me he's on top of this every day. I have no idea how to make this stuff matter to him. I know folks talk about finding currency, but the only thing that he's even reacted to is my suggestion that we send him to Catholic school instead of public school. I think he really is worried about that one.

Ladypop, I say the same thing! My daughter was a tough infant and toddler, but she's a dream now. My easy son has been getting tougher as he gets older. I'm not sure how much worse it would be if they were both in a rough patch at the same time, but it hope I never find out.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 290,201
January 2007
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Posted: 9/28/2013 10:31:03 PM

I have no idea how to make this stuff matter to him. I know folks talk about finding currency

For me, the lying would be as big, or bigger, an issue as the schoolwork. In our house, we'd be having a long, serious talk about trust, and the consequences of losing that trust. And there would most definitely be consequences until trust was re-earned.

triathlon pea

PeaNut 80,864
April 2003
Posts: 10,658
Layouts: 13
Loc: Gone to chemo with BethAnne

Posted: 9/29/2013 9:03:49 AM
Oh yes, the lying is huge. When I questioned him, he said he lied because he didn't want me to get mad at him. I told him that while I was upset at his poor work ethic, I was even more upset by the lying. He doubled his trouble. My husband and I have drawn up a chart detailing what we expect from him and the consequences for not keeping his end of the deal, and the biggest consequences are for dishonesty.

Not only that, but because he didn't fess up before I emailed his teacher about work he said he'd done, now she knows he lied too. He's embarrassed and I'm not feeling particularly sympathetic.

Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 43,893
July 2002
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Layouts: 0

Posted: 9/29/2013 9:11:05 AM
I'm sorry your going thru that. But your not alone.

Oh, and I think his eighth grade year will kill us all.
That's what I thought last year. Then he became a freshman in HS and in Band and in honors classes. He was up til 2am thursday to finish homework.

I think I understand boarding school now. Teen+hormones+transition to high school = all heck broke loose

I hope he gets a hang of it soon.


PeaNut 136,139
March 2004
Posts: 2,000
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Loc: Colorado City, TX

Posted: 9/29/2013 9:25:54 AM
11 year old daughter here, she and i may not make it thru this year!! i remember well the day my teenaged son went thru "this", its like his head started spinning around and this growl came out of his mouth... where did my sweet boy go?? good news is that he's 17 and other than a very very rare snark, he's back to being my sweet boy! hormones suck!

triathlon pea

PeaNut 80,864
April 2003
Posts: 10,658
Layouts: 13
Loc: Gone to chemo with BethAnne

Posted: 9/29/2013 11:13:08 AM
Those of you who say that there was a big change between 8th grade and freshman year for your kids are giving me hope.


PeaNut 116,261
November 2003
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Posted: 9/29/2013 2:31:30 PM
(((hugs))) Parenting can be challenging at times.


May we be consumed with the Creator of all things rather than with things created.

6 rings - no cheating! Go STEELERS!

Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent-free in your head.


PeaNut 274,252
August 2006
Posts: 2,244
Layouts: 0
Loc: Back in Eastern WA

Posted: 9/29/2013 4:23:56 PM
8th grade was a tough time for my DS. He didn't "like" some of his teachers so he wouldn't do the work required. He'd do homework and then not turn it in. All the time telling us things were good at school! Thought we got through to him, started high school and was off to a bad start. We put the hammer down and thought that was working. We let up some and he took a mile. Ended up having like a 2.6 GPA first semester.

That's when the final hammer was thrown. He wouldn't be taking drivers ed, no smart phone upgrade, no Xbox. He had to show us his planner every night and his grades every week. If he had missing assignments or a failed test, he got a consequence. It didn't take long for him to turn it around. By April he was consistently carrying a 3.6 GPA and was proud of it.

Hang in there, it's hard. I'm finding that I do have to stay on my DS even now. If I give him too much, he slacks off. This year his problem is studying for tests, it's all catching up to him. He's never had to study, now it's getting harder and he needs to study. Some kids just aren't self motivated

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Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 289,166
December 2006
Posts: 19,658
Layouts: 7
Loc: Southern California

Posted: 9/29/2013 4:34:20 PM
I hear you. My 8th grade DS can be a pill. Snarky, not listening, etc. He especially likes to push my buttons in front of DH. DH then hates it when I react. Ugh! Hang in there!

I also have a 16 yo DD that put us through our paces last year. I finally got her on the pill last week to see if it helps to stabilize her PMS and mood swings. Lord, I sure hope so or boarding school might be an option!

People not perfection

PeaNut 35,457
April 2002
Posts: 30,024
Layouts: 0
Loc: Right where I should be

Posted: 9/29/2013 5:02:26 PM
I read recently that a mom raising a teenage son was like having a newborn again.....it is totally unknown to us.

I could so relate. I am female. I was a teenager but never a guy and a teenager so it is ALL new! I have 3 sons. Oldest is 21, middle is 16 and youngest is 4.

I am certain there is a special place in Heaven for me.

Lost and Found in Pea-land

PeaNut 138,098
March 2004
Posts: 6,558
Layouts: 2
Loc: NC but wishing I was somewhere else

Posted: 9/29/2013 5:05:41 PM
After having a less than wonderful day with my 12 year old DD, it's somewhat comforting to know I'm not the only one.

Reading when I should be cleaning!

PeaNut 89,592
June 2003
Posts: 6,515
Layouts: 5
Loc: Just come out so we can talk. Or sing about it.

Posted: 9/29/2013 5:18:26 PM
It's eighth grade. It's cursed, I swear. Every single eight grader in our ward is in serious trouble because of similar issues. Of course, there's only five of them, but still.

My brilliant 13 year old son has an A-, a D, a D+ and a C- in his four core classes. Worse - he doesn't seem to care. I've taken away every single thing I can think of, had several discussions, and he still does one tiny thing per day to fix it. I told him he has one more week before I take away everything else except church and school. (Right now he's only got Scouts/youth group and swimming left in his life.)


PeaNut 346,721
November 2007
Posts: 185
Layouts: 0

Posted: 9/29/2013 8:48:30 PM
I keep waiting for the lightbulb to go off with oldest DS. He is 15 and in 9th grade. He started out the school year not doing so well. DH and I are trying to help him come up with procedures to help him make the school year easier. He is starting to make some better decisions, but still has some things to work on. i would love to know how a child can do his homework, but "forget" to turn it in?

Hang in there moms!


PeaNut 565,186
August 2012
Posts: 204
Layouts: 9
Loc: Ohio

Posted: 9/29/2013 10:21:47 PM
I am so glad I had a daughter and stopped at one.

I have a colorful PEAsonality!

PeaNut 219,124
August 2005
Posts: 6,072
Layouts: 49
Loc: Wine Country... bottoms up!

Posted: 9/29/2013 10:47:39 PM
My only child is in 5th grade this year. I figured since he's so immature we had a few more years until the tween snarkiness and argumentativeness started. WRONG! I ask him to do anything and he yells "Hold on!!" He only is doing the bare minimum amount of schoolwork (he so far has had good grades in school; wondering how that's going to change) and only wants to play with electronics - iPad, Xbox, etc. Oy!

I've never been a teenaged boy, but I was a teenaged girl and 8th grade was HELL. I am not looking forward to reliving it.

Beauty is not caused. It is.
Emily Dickinson


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