Granny's Thanksgiving Rules 2013 :)

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Posted 11/27/2013 by NanaKate in NSBR Board
 

NanaKate
My Grandkids Are Cuter Than Yours! ;)

PeaNut 135,321
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Posted: 11/27/2013 3:45:45 PM
A friend sent this to me this morning...thought I would share. Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Dear Family,

Iam not dead yet. Thanksgiving is still important to me. If being in my Last Will and Testament is important to you, then you might consider being with me for my favorite holiday.

Dinner is at 2:00. Not 2:15. Not 2:05. Two. Arrive late and you get what's leftover.

Last year, that moron Marshall fried a turkey in one of those contraptions and practically burned the deck off the house. This year, the only peanut oil used to make the meal will be from the secret scoop of peanut butter I add to the carrot soup.

John, your last new wife was an idiot. You don't arrive at someone's house on Thanksgiving needing to use the oven and the stove. Honest to God I thought you might have learned after two wives to date them longer and save us all the agony of another divorce.

Now, the house rules are slightly different this year because I have decided that 47% of you don't know how to take care of nice things. Paper plates and red Solo cups might be bad for the environment, but I'll be gone soon and that will be your problem to deal with.

House Rules:
1. The University of Texas no longer plays Texas A&M. The television stays off during the meal.

2. The no cans for kids rule still exists. We are using 2 liter bottles because your children still open a third can before finishing the first two. Parents can fill a child's cup when it is empty. All of the cups have names on them and I'll be paying close attention to refills.

3. Chloe, last year we were at Trudy's house and I looked the other way when your Jell-O salad showed up. This year, if Jell-O salad comes in the front door it will go right back out the back door with the garbage. Save yourself some time, honey. You've never been a good cook and you shouldn't bring something that wiggles more than you. Buy something from the HEB bakery.

4. Grandmothers give grandchildren cookies and candy. That is a fact of life. Your children can eat healthy at your home. At my home, they can eat whatever they like as long as they finish it.

5. I cook with bacon and bacon grease. That's nothing new. Your being a vegetarian doesn't change the fact that stuffing without bacon is like egg salad without eggs. Even the green bean casserole has a little bacon grease in it. That's why it tastes so good. Not eating bacon is just not natural. And as far as being healthy, look at me. I've outlived almost everyone I know.

6. Salad at Thanksgiving is a waste of space.

7. I do not like cell phones. Leave them in the car.

8. I do not like video cameras. There will be 32 people here. I am sure you can capture lots of memories without the camera pointed at me.

9. Being a mother means you have to actually pay attention to the kids. I have nice things and I don't put them away just because company is coming over. Mary, watch your kids and I'll watch my things.

10. Rhonda, a cat that requires a shot twice a day is a cat that has lived too many lives. I think staying home to care for the cat is your way of letting me know that I have lived too many lives too. I can live with that. Can you?

11. Words mean things. I say what I mean. Let me repeat: You don't need to bring anything means you don't need to bring anything. And if I did tell you to bring something, bring it in the quantity I said. Really! This doesn't have to be difficult.

12. Dominos and cards are better than anything that requires a battery or an on/off switch. That was true when you were kids and it's true now that you have kids.

13. Showing up for Thanksgiving guarantees presents at Christmas. Not showing up guarantees a card that may or may not be signed.

The election is over so I'll watch what I say and you will do the same. If we all stick to that, we'll have a good time. If not, I'll still have a good time but it will be at your expense. In memory of your Grandfather, the back fridge will be filled with beer. Drink until it is gone. I prefer wine anyway. But one from each family needs to be the designated driver. I mean it, really!

Granny


Kathie


"Write it on your heart that those you love are the greatest gifts of all."

love labs
10,000,000 post poster

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Posted: 11/27/2013 3:49:26 PM
I LOVE her!


----------------------------------------------------------

If life is a journey, shouldn't you be moving along?

gmcwife1
SamFan

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Posted: 11/27/2013 3:49:56 PM
Very cute


~ Dori ~

lostinspace
CND Pea living close to the USA

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Posted: 11/27/2013 4:08:30 PM
Granny can say what she wants to.

The tone (to me) is passive-aggressive.

Talk about the "power of the names in the will". Thank goodness she wasn't my mother/grandmother.

**Edited to add** I know that it is a joke. Just not a funny joke.


Please ignore my spelling mistakes

A proud Canadian Pea

NanaKate
My Grandkids Are Cuter Than Yours! ;)

PeaNut 135,321
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Posted: 11/27/2013 4:10:45 PM
lostinspace - it's a joke!


Kathie


"Write it on your heart that those you love are the greatest gifts of all."

ginacivey
prey-sniffing bully

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Posted: 11/27/2013 4:24:23 PM
she makes a lot of good points...in a 'i am old and don't care what you think' tone

gina

styxgirl
PeaFixture

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Posted: 11/27/2013 4:28:23 PM

Salad at Thanksgiving is a waste of space.


Oh so TRUE!!!


Nicole

ScrapsontheRocks
BucketHead

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Posted: 11/27/2013 11:06:11 PM
I enjoyed this- better "visuals" than TV!

Happy Turkey Day to all from sunny South Africa.

azredhead34
peaintheheat

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Posted: 11/27/2013 11:20:12 PM
My SIL called yesterday to see when we would be putting the bird in so she can put in her twice baked potatoes and some desert concoction, we always get to be her recipe guinea pig especially for holidays.




mom2cameron
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

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Posted: 11/27/2013 11:28:14 PM
LOL. I shared this with my mom and sister. Some of our family members will need to read before they come over tomorrow.


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cmpeter
PEAceful Pea

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Posted: 11/27/2013 11:34:32 PM
That Granny sounds cranky.


Cindi

BuckeyeSandy
Old Dogs are Best!

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Posted: 11/27/2013 11:51:53 PM
Sounds normal to me (LOL ) I did enjoy this, thank-you.


Sandy
Every MOM is a working mom!
"Retired" after 22 years of an Air Force Career

REMEMBER this Veterans Day

To quote Wayne Gretzky, "You miss 100% of the shots you never take."

Aesculus

SMG in AZ
Je suis desole

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Posted: 11/28/2013 12:25:49 AM

some desert concoction
Oh, those desert concoctions-they're always so dry.




Suzy

TexasBorn
PeaNut

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Posted: 11/28/2013 1:11:09 AM
Sounds like a normal Old granny to me. I have a great nephew that is now 5. My Mom is early 80's. She is his great, great, grandmother. He has several grandmothers for different reasons. He calls my Mom Old Granny. She thinks it is so funny.

GrinningCat
Proudly Canadian

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Posted: 11/28/2013 6:30:48 AM

Salad at Thanksgiving is a waste of space.
Yup. The rule in our family is that if you can't put gravy on it, it doesn't go on the table. Salad is not allowed for this very reason.

delilahtwo
BucketHead

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Posted: 11/28/2013 9:56:25 PM
I just can't help it......this Granny is a bitch.

That's all.

Sister BDSQ
Fatty McWeirdboob

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Posted: 11/28/2013 10:01:03 PM
I'm glad she's not my grandmother.

azredhead34
peaintheheat

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Posted: 11/28/2013 10:53:56 PM

some desert concoction

Oh, those desert concoctions-they're always so dry


There were two pieces cut from it, she took the rest home!




Pea-T-A-Mom
Scrapmaven is stalkin my Kitteh!

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Posted: 11/29/2013 3:18:06 AM

Drink until it is gone. I prefer wine anyway. But one from each family needs to be the designated driver. I mean it, really!


I'll get behind this.


~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~


SMG in AZ
Je suis desole

PeaNut 38,879
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Posted: 12/2/2013 9:53:58 PM

some desert concoction

Oh, those desert concoctions-they're always so dry


There were two pieces cut from it, she took the rest home!
I was referencing that I think you meant dessert as opposed to desert. But if that is not what you meant, my bad.




Suzy

SweetPeasMom
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

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Posted: 12/3/2013 6:21:00 AM
Sounds like a Southern Granny to me . Love her! Especially this -

----And if I did tell you to bring something, bring it in the quantity I said. Really! This doesn't have to be difficult.

I have a small kitchen and not lots of space to spread things out. So when I say please bring potato salad, my mom is bringing the eggs, that means my mom is bringing the eggs. I don't need you to bring eggs and your sil to bring them too.


Wendy



PierKiss
What if everything is an illusion & nothing exists

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Posted: 12/3/2013 6:52:01 AM
I agree with #4 and #6.

anxiousmom
StuckOnPeas

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Posted: 12/3/2013 6:53:25 AM

some desert concoction
Oh, those desert concoctions-they're always so dry.


*giggle*


tampascrapper
trying to find my bliss. . . have you seen it?!?!?

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Posted: 12/3/2013 6:56:42 AM
I love her!!! I don't see it as cranky at all, a lot of those things need to be said unfortunately. My favorite had to be

Not eating bacon is just not natural


Margie

myboysnme
Living life on the left

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Posted: 12/3/2013 7:05:41 AM
I laughed at some of it and thought some of it was crass. It's a joke, but one of several of this type of 'instructions' I've seen floating around the internet.

Thanks for sharing, OP. i just wasn't that amused, but I can see how some people would be.


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