Christmas morning...wwyd

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Posted 11/28/2013 by momto4kiddos in NSBR Board
 

momto4kiddos
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Posted: 11/28/2013 6:47:20 AM
Do you continue to get up and do a big gift unwrapping even as the kids get older?

I have a 14, almost 17, 21 and 23 yo. They all live at home. Normally we all sit around and they open gifts in the morning. Last year there were lost of complaints as the younger ones were up and Christmas is still exciting to them! 21 yo is an early riser so he came down, but 23 yo had been out most of the night and was dragging her feet....

Wondering do you continue to get up even as they are older? Maybe change it to Xmas eve instead?

Other part of the equation is do you buy the same amount for the older and younger kids? Growing up as we moved out, the ones that weren't home got a gift or two while the younger still got a normal bigger Christmas! This was fine and seemed very normal. We also moved out fairly early - I was 20, think sister may have been 23.

I feel like my 23 yo will not be moving out anytime soon as she really doesn't have the means to (minimum wage jobs, isn't in school, nothing she's doing currently indicates more success/$$.) I feel torn about how/when to cut back and wanting to do so. I've been doing big Christmas' for a long time and am burnt out!

SuzastampinCTMH
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Posted: 11/28/2013 7:02:54 AM
I would continue as you have. Why should the younger ones be short changed from something the older ones have had all their lives? I still buy as much for our daughter as we used to, plus for her family. How would the older one feel if you let her sleep through the festivities? If you think it would bother her, then I'd let her sleep and miss everything. If you think she won't be bothered, then I'd be sure to get her up . It's unfair to the family for her to ruin it for others.



Nanner
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Posted: 11/28/2013 7:10:24 AM
My kids are 27 and 23, and we still get up and do the big unwrapping. And I still get the same amount of gifts. The unwrapping is an hour or so later than it used to be, but it's tradition and my kids are big on tradition.

This year, as with 3 years ago, DS is overseas travelling, so I gave him money - the same amount as I'm spending on DD. She lives in another province, but will be coming home and will have several gifts under the tree.

Every year I tell myself (and them) that I'm cutting down on gifts and cutting out stockings. They both are fine if I do, but I just can't do it! lol.

In your case, I think I'd tell the older one what time we are getting up to open gifts and if she doesn't get up, she misses it. She may realize it's more important to her than she thought it was, once she misses it.


Nancy


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Posted: 11/28/2013 7:14:45 AM
We started going to midnight mass when my sister turned 17 and I turned 7, and I loved it. We open gifts when we came home (Santa somehow arrived while we were at church) and when I woke up in the morning I was able to just go play with my new toys instead of having to wait to open them. I loved it.

I kept giving my kids almost as many gifts after they moved out -- until they had kids of their own, but I'm probably in the minority.

GrinningCat
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Posted: 11/28/2013 7:18:08 AM
Everyone gets up on Christmas Morning to have coffee and turnovers and open presents. Even the ones that were out late the night before. Honestly, that's not an acceptable excuse. They can take a nap later in the day if they are so tired. Christmas Morning is what it is, and that involves getting up and spending time with family as everyone takes turns opening presents.

And everyone deserves lots of Christmas gifts, so I strongly disapprove of cutting down anyone's amount of gifts because they are an adult. Just because they are adults doesn't mean they don't like gifts. It's Christmas... that means lots and lots of gifts for everyone!

~jennifer~
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Posted: 11/28/2013 7:19:46 AM
Kids are 23, 21 and 17 and we will keep doing the big unwrapping as long as they want. Its no longer the crack of dawn but usually by 8 am. And I do try to keep it even amongst them.

tara6212
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Posted: 11/28/2013 7:24:11 AM
WWYD???? My 23 year old would be dragging their butt out of bed so that the younger children could have the same experiences 23 yo had at their age. And I'd be having a conversation with the 23 yo a few days in advance of the holiday to let them know of my expectation.

*theCakeGirl*
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Posted: 11/28/2013 7:24:19 AM
We open gifts on Christmas Eve after dinner. Then in the morning it's just the Stockings. We don't always have a grand Santa gift so it's no biggie if the youngest gets up early and checks things out.

If it were me the older ones would have been given notice that it IS Christmas and they are expected to join the family at 7 or 8am for morning festivities and afterwards they can go back to bed. That staying out all night then being grumpy pants in the morning would not fly around here.

As far as gifts go age shouldn't be an issue. It all depends on YOUR budget. Some years are grand and some are not so big. In reality the gift is time together and the memories made as a family not how many gifts or how much $$ you spent.


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cdnstorelady
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Posted: 11/28/2013 7:33:00 AM
My 23 year old would be dragging their butt out of bed so that the younger children could have the same experiences 23 yo had at their age. And I'd be having a conversation with the 23 yo a few days in advance of the holiday to let them know of my expectation
_______________________________________________________________

This.....as my two 16 & 19 have gotten older and like to sleep in more, it's certainly a little later than it used to be. But if DD#2 isn't awake by 8:00, my DD#1 (who has always been the earlier riser) takes the dog in with her and wakes up her sister.

SweetPeasMom
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Posted: 11/28/2013 7:42:19 AM

WWYD???? My 23 year old would be dragging their butt out of bed so that the younger children could have the same experiences 23 yo had at their age. And I'd be having a conversation with the 23 yo a few days in advance of the holiday to let them know of my expectation.


That! And I also agree that just because they are older means they get less. Granted as they get older, their gifts get more expensive sometimes. Unless it's a burden to you to continue. I love to give and love to see others open their stuff. Even my dh. I want him to have lots to open.


Wendy



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Posted: 11/28/2013 7:51:34 AM
I don't really see why you would want to change what you have been doing.

My whole life I've gone to my parents house and we've opened presents Christmas morning. I'm 47. I still get a bunch of presents and I still give a bunch of presents.

I'd be talking to the older ones about getting up Christmas morning.


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ScrappinMyLife
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Posted: 11/28/2013 7:54:41 AM
I would continue the same traditions for the younger teens, unless they both expressed a desire to sleep in, then I would move the time to later.
I would inform older "kids" that they are expected to participate.

I would give equal amounts of gifts for each.

In the case of "the adult "kid" that still lives at home,and lacking ambition to be a productive adult"...I would give practical gifts(towels, robe, crock pot, apron, dishes, tool set, luggage, etc...

mandolyn9909
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Posted: 11/28/2013 7:57:26 AM

WWYD???? My 23 year old would be dragging their butt out of bed so that the younger children could have the same experiences 23 yo had at their age. And I'd be having a conversation with the 23 yo a few days in advance of the holiday to let them know of my expectation.


Yep, this. This happened about 10 yrs ago at my parents. My three older brothers and I stayed up drinking on christmas eve (we were all 19 or older). We all were hungover the next day and my parents dragged us out of bed because we have a 9 yr old sister. They did let us sleep in until 8 LOL! Now that I am older and wiser I think that they absolutely did the right thing!



sharonmnc
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Posted: 11/28/2013 8:03:42 AM
Another vote for the 23yo dragging her a$$ out of bed.

As ours got older they didn't want to get up so early so we got up at 8:00. The youngest was a lot younger so they didn't want to shortchange her.


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momto4kiddos
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Posted: 11/28/2013 8:05:07 AM

In the case of "the adult "kid" that still lives at home,and lacking ambition to be a productive adult"...I would give practical gifts(towels, robe, crock pot, apron, dishes, tool set, luggage, etc...


OMG funny, I can just imagine her face if she got a crockpot

The oldest was dragged out of bed last year and dependent on what the youngest ones wish will be told a time this year to be down. I very much think the youngest ones deserve to have what the oldest have had. I just wondered if people changed things up at certain points.

I'm kind of surprised on the gift giving responses so far... I didn't think twice when my parents did it and assumed it was normal. We went from a tree full to probably 1 or 2 things and thought that was good! I'm just surprised that even as kids grow and move out that parents do such big Christmas' gift wise.

Seems like with my family, you grew up, moved out and while we all see each other on Christmas Day we also do our own things with our own families in the morning prior to spending the day together. We give gifts, but usually just one or two things to say Mom or Dad or Sis.

transprntbutterfly
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Posted: 11/28/2013 8:12:09 AM
We all open gifts Christmas morning. Anyone who is silly enough to stay out late on Christmas Eve still has to get up early Christmas Day and deal with it. It is only me and my 2 boys (16 and 28) Christmas morning but it is still a big deal. I give the same amount of gifts if you live at home or on your own. It is the one time of year I go a little overboard.

As for DD that wants to sleep in.... We would be having a conversation about not ruining the holiday for everyone else.
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transprntbutterfly
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Posted: 11/28/2013 8:19:01 AM
We all open gifts Christmas morning. Anyone who is silly enough to stay out late on Christmas Eve still has to get up early Christmas Day and deal with it. It is only me and my 2 boys (16 and 28) Christmas morning but it is still a big deal. I give the same amount of gifts if you live at home or on your own. It is the one time of year I go a little overboard.

As for DD that wants to sleep in.... We would be having a conversation about not ruining the holiday for everyone else.
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kimberly38
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Posted: 11/28/2013 8:21:41 AM
Usually, no matter what age, I spend the same amount on each child, (or used to, as circumstances have changed for my older two and I helped out in other ways). Youngest is 15 and at home. Because of wants at different ages, one child's pile might have seemed larger than another child's pile.

As far as when to get up, we all get up at the same time, not too early, but the older ones are made to get up also. When my son was 16, it took him a big of cajoling to finally get up and open his gifts. He opened them with us, got pictures and back to bed he went. Your older daughter can do the same.

*maureen*
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Posted: 11/28/2013 8:23:54 AM
I'm 13 years older than my sister and my mom made it clear that she deserved the same Christmas experience I had, so I was expected to be up at 8am and "be Christmas pleasant" it's what family does for each other.

PinkShirley
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Posted: 11/28/2013 8:37:31 AM
I would have never thought to not get up on Christmas morning. I would have been in some serious trouble if I did that in my house. I would definitely be talking to my 23-year old about the attitude.

As for buying gifts for older kids - things started scaling down when we hit 18 years old. What we wanted because more expensive so it became quality versus quantity. My sisters and I all had jobs and we understood Christmas wasn't about getting things but being with each other and having fun.

My girls are 9 and 13. This year I have switched over to the basic list of something you want, need, wear, read + a mom and dad surprise. We also add about five stocking stuffers to the mix - small things. This keeps the gift giving simple and fair. My kids get pretty much everything they want throughout the year - they work hard for it. Using a smaller list helps me put more focus on family traditions and the Christmas spirit of giving versus "stuff".

Another thought - sometimes our own expectations of the holidays let us down. We want the house to be decorated just right. We want the meal to be Pintrest ready, and we want our family members to act just "so". I've come to realize I do more damage to myself when I think like this. It then spoils the holiday for everyone. Let your expectations go. Don't take responsibility for your DD's undesired behavior. There are going to be years where the holidays just do not have the excitement as previous years. It's OK! Just flow with things the best you want/can. Do things YOU want to do. Your holiday spirit will catch on with your other family members. If your other family members continue to be sour, but rocks in their stocking.

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Posted: 11/28/2013 8:44:08 AM
The 23yo wouldn't get a pass to sleep in because of her age. It's Christmas. She can sleep in another day.

As far as spending amounts, there's no way I would spend less on her just because she's older than the other two.

I'm much older than 23yo. My parents & MIL still spend the same amount on us as they did when we were younger.

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Posted: 11/28/2013 8:51:06 AM
I would do what you always have done. It sounds like it works for everyone but the 23 year old. She can choose to go to bed earlier, wake earlier and be a part for the morning or day.

If you had 3 young adults that all slept in then I would for sure change it and do what worked for the majority. Traditions are valuable and needed in our families but when we try to keep doing ones that just don't fit anymore it can become a beating and not a joy.

I do spend the same amount on my kids no matter what their age. I have a 21, 16 and 4 year old.

scrappymo!
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Posted: 11/28/2013 8:53:28 AM
The 23 year old would be told in no uncertain terms that her siblings were entitled to have the same Christmas morning experiences that she had as a younger person. She would be told that not only was she expected to be downstairs withe the rest of the family at a certain time...she was also expected to be be graceful.

Honestly, she sounds like a spoiled brat. According to you, she lives at home, works a series of dead end jobs, could care less that she is going nowhere...and wants to set the rules for the house and bitched through last years festivities while everyone else was trying to have fun.

She would be expected to be downstairs, participating with the Christmas morning experience. She would NOT be bitching about it or complaining all morning, thereby ruining everyone elses Christmas.

As an adult, there are plenty of things in life that you are expected to do (that don't necessarily fit in with what you want to do). Let her use this experience to learn this lesson.

nlwilkins
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Posted: 11/28/2013 9:05:00 AM
We continued to do the Christmas morning thing. But, we also do things on Christmas Eve as a family to there was no staying out half the night. For us, Christmas Eve AND Christmas day are family time and not friend time. It seems to be the same for others around us as well. The girls even would spend the night on Christmas Eve after they moved out.

Perhaps a gentle conversation with 23 year old. I have found that a severe talking to doesn't go over well and get the desired result for attitude changes whereas a conversation about expectations and all go over much better. Also, mentioned in the conversation would be the fact that if you can't handle being out all night AND having a fun Christmas day that maybe you should not go out all night.


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Posted: 11/28/2013 10:21:18 AM
AS long as they are excited to get up, the parents will get up. If they want to sleep in soon, I'll happily do that too.


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Posted: 11/28/2013 10:38:43 AM
Well, since I'M usually the first one up, and I still get really excited about Christmas morning (and I don't see that changing any time soon, or maybe ever) all my older kids will still be getting up for the big gift unwrapping. I might let them sleep in a little more as they get older, but our rule is, as long as it's after 7am, once the first kid is awake everyone else gets woken up. I don't count as the first kid, unfortunately but dh does, since he always sleeps later than me. If he wakes up & the boys aren't awake we wake them up. And then everyone can have a nap or down time in the afternoon if they need it. This year it will be down time as we drive to my inlaws (3 hours away) for a Christmas visit.

I love Christmas.

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Posted: 11/28/2013 11:08:28 AM
Well, we do Mass on Christmas morning, so everyone has to get up. No choices. And I've heard plenty of stories about rolling in at dawn and going straight to Mass. They can sleep later!

We are military and fly home for Christmas. When they were little, I let them get up when they woke up. They opened their stockings and that noise would wake my parents. We would then be off to Mass and did the main part of the gift opening after brunch.

My kids are teens now, so our house is still pretty much as usual. But they are the youngest in both families by several years. When my kids were 7 & 9, my in laws decided that the kids were too old for gifts and such and that we would just spend time as a family. The other cousins were in high school or college. That's fine, but tell a 7 year old and a 9 year old that they are too old for gifts. Yeah. They would have been thrilled with a $5 gift. And yes, they really would have been ok with that. So I would ask that you not ruin things for the younger kids.


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Posted: 11/28/2013 11:29:41 AM
We do. My youngest is 10, her brothers are 17, 19, 24. (The 24 year old is my stepson and he hasn't been out the last few Christmases)
She is she up with excitement at the crack of dawn. Of course the boys would rather sleep. But I remind them they used to do the same thing as I drag them to the tree lol! They are good sports- they just go back to bed after we do gifts


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Posted: 11/28/2013 11:38:14 AM
We do Christmas morning. The kids can wake us at 6:30
We don't do lots of Santa stuff for DD (29) because she is a mom and moms and dads don't get lots of gifts from Santa
DS (15) and DGD (7) gets lots and DD is fine with that.


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Posted: 11/28/2013 12:28:00 PM
our kids are in their 20's and we do the big christmas morning, with unwrapping etc. although "morning" starts later than it did when they were 5 and most of the opening happens after breakfast, rather than before.

this year will be strange, ds's gf and her family do a big christmas eve with midnight mass, and she has asked ds to come with her, so he won't be home until dinnertime on Christmas. dd is the one who gets real excited about christmas, so we will do a smaller christmas morning this year, and then do the big package opening in the evening, probably after dinner.


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Posted: 11/28/2013 12:41:38 PM
When I was older and home from college for Christmas, I desperately wanted to sleep in fill 12 or 1 like normal on my weekends off. . My brother (4 yrs younger) would sleep in until about 10, and then would get up and want to do gifts. So my parents made me get up and come and do christmas. . It wasn't much of an arm twist though, because christmas is pretty awesome at our house! I do remember my last christmas at home before grad school-my brother and I slept in so late. My parents were so shocked. They actually came into our rooms and took video of us sleeping, being sure to pan to the clocks! Then they dragged us out of bed and forced us to do christmas.

As far as the gifts to, my parents have a set budget of what they spend per kid and grand kid. The grands get more than the kids do. My inlaws have a set budget for everyone, and is typically one gift. Neither of our parents have any kids left at home.

singlewitch
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Posted: 11/28/2013 3:38:04 PM
We get up later (instead of 6, more like 8 or 9) and when everyone is up, has had their morning tea or coffee, we open gifts. Yes, still balance the spending, same for each child.


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Posted: 11/28/2013 3:51:07 PM
We are a small family, but my kids and I have always joined my parents at my sister's house (with her hubby and her son) on Christmas morning.

As my kids got older (her son is 6 years younger than mine & 10 years younger than my daughter), we still got up early, packed up the car & drove the 10 minutes across town as soon as my sister phoned me to tell me that the "little" one was up. As teens, there was a lot of grumbling (especially since it was usually COLD!), but they were always good sports.

Now, the "little" one is 14 and wants to sleep in. It's my SISTER that is up at the crack of dawn and texting me and annoying me.

This year, we'll probably get started around 9 AM & will be able to Skype with my daughter in Nashville.

Last year was the first year that we drew names. I still get stuff for my kids, but instead of buying a lot of stuff for everyone, I will just spend $100. on ONE family member. This year, I drew my daughter's SO.

We also "have to" make a $5-ish item for everyone. It HAS to be handmade which really takes some of them out of their comfort zone, but it's been a FUN new tradition.

When "Santa" is gone, there has to be something else in the mix. I'll be thrilled to have a grandbaby someday to "do" Santa with/for!

Chele




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Posted: 11/28/2013 8:59:16 PM
My kids are 22 and 20 and we will be doing the big unwrapping, except we all sleep in late now. I still try to have lots of gifts to open, even smaller things get wrapped.

However if they want to do it differently at some point I am open to it. Christmas Eve would be fine, or Christmas afternoon would be fine. I am more than happy to adjust as our family changes.


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anxiousmom
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Posted: 11/28/2013 9:08:28 PM
Gosh, I have teenagers that, while they move a little slower than when they were little, are still up at the crack of dawn.

No one sleeps in around here on Christmas morning. We are like a bunch of little children, and there is no way that we could make it through breakfast before we opened presents.


Iowa_girl
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Posted: 11/28/2013 9:12:10 PM
We have to do chores every morning year round ... so they have to get up extra early to open presents before chores no matter what. Then they have to go help with chores... LOL!

We do back off the chore time to about 8:30 in the morning though, on Christmas Day. Still have to get up about 6:30 and be ready to open gifts by 7.

There really are no late mornings on the farm. Even if you have a raging hangover - you still have to go feed the cows.. My kids are learning that. LOL! I said "welcome to the real world" - makes you think twice before tieing one on the night before.

sandy1958
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Posted: 11/28/2013 9:26:55 PM
We still do the big Christmas Morning unwrapping. My oldest two are out of the household, but they come here for the festivities. However, my daughter now has a daughter of her own so I'm not sure what we are doing this year...We may do Christmas Eve???

Our tradition is: They get their stocking when they get up. (by stockings I mean a huge gift bag full of various gifts, etc), we have breakfast, then we unwrap the gifts under the tree.

We did make a change last year, (I think) and just allowed everyone to open their gifts at once, we used to take turns, which made the unwrapping last longer, but I usually had to jump up and get busy on starting dinner so by everyone opening at once I get to sit and relax a bit before jumping into cooking.


Sandy
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melanell
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 26,836
January 2002
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Posted: 11/28/2013 10:17:32 PM

Do you continue to get up and do a big gift unwrapping even as the kids get older?


Oh gosh, growing up, our Christmas mornings became longer, more elaborate, and more fun the older we became.


When we were teens & in our early twenties it was a major production full of all sorts of surprises and secrets and stories and jokes. It was a blast!


We'd bring breakfast out into the family room with us, and then every so often we'd call an intermission for bathroom trips, coffee refills, or a mid-gift opening stretch.


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