"You can't love someone else unless you love yourself". What does this mean to you?

Two Peas is Closing
Click here to visit our final product sale. Click here to visit our FAQ page regarding the closing of Two Peas.

Posted 4/17/2014 by KristinL16 in NSBR Board
 

KristinL16
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 142,870
April 2004
Posts: 13,238
Layouts: 102
Loc: MN

Posted: 4/17/2014 11:54:02 PM
Yesterday a friend posted on Facebook that people should stop complaining about being fat or ugly and just listen to their partners, who think they are gorgeous. Someone else posted, "You can't possibly love someone else if you don't love yourself." So, I have been thinking about this quote. What does it mean to "love yourself"? Does that mean that you accept yourself unconditionally? Or does it mean that you think mostly good about yourself? I'm not sure I agree that you can't love others unless you love yourself and am wondering what others think.


Uploaded with iPhone client

PeculiarP
PeaAddict

PeaNut 421,228
April 2009
Posts: 1,575
Layouts: 5
Loc: Appalachia

Posted: 4/17/2014 11:57:53 PM
To me, it means you can't have a healthy relationship if you are not emotionally healthy yourself. If you are constantly negative or make self destructive decisions, it's going to bleed over and effect those around you.


Stephanie

My blogs:
SO Handcrafted
Backwoods Babe

VanC
PeaFixture

PeaNut 82,273
April 2003
Posts: 3,622
Layouts: 9
Loc: Out and About

Posted: 4/18/2014 12:05:50 AM
What Stephanie said.


"It's ALL just paper......'til you add adhesive, a little love and some pixie dust."

LLTTF&JB
VanC


****I wish you Love, it's All you need. I wish you Laughter, and hope you find Joy in the journey. I wish you Tickles, because you can't tickle someone without touching them and forming a connection. I wish you Teases, because everyone needs a little humour to get them through the rough spots. I wish you Frogs, because there are NO Frogs just Handsome Princes & Beautiful Princesses who don't know who they are, everyone needs someone to love them in spite of themselves warts and all. Finally I wish you Jelly Beans because life's sweetest moments can come in all sorts of colours and flavours.****Crookston Family Motto****

****

flanz
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 211,902
June 2005
Posts: 6,054
Layouts: 2

Posted: 4/18/2014 12:13:36 AM
Stephanie nailed it, in my opinion.

tinaev
PeaFixture

PeaNut 370,270
April 2008
Posts: 3,076
Layouts: 22

Posted: 4/18/2014 12:15:12 AM
Exactly what the previous poster said.

Fraidyscrapper
She calls me a Fun Sucker

PeaNut 38,100
May 2002
Posts: 13,565
Layouts: 0
Loc: Jersey Strong

Posted: 4/18/2014 6:09:51 AM
Yup. What Stephanie said.

All around you see people who are broken, and who try to use their partner to bury or fix what's not healed. You see how well that works. People rush into something new while they are still carrying the wounds from childhood or a past marriage - you've seen that too, right?

But you think of it a little differently? I'd like to hear where you re coming from on this.


"The sharpest criticism often goes hand in hand with the deepest idealism and love of country." - Robert F. Kennedy

mikklynn
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 294,285
January 2007
Posts: 2,833
Layouts: 1
Loc: Minnesota

Posted: 4/18/2014 7:11:53 AM
I think of it as if you don't respect yourself and can't be happy alone, you are not going to be able to have a healthy relationship with someone else.

We all know men and women who are in bad relationships, rather than be alone. They will be with the biggest loser, but think that is better than being single.


Lynn



PEAcefulmind
BucketHead

PeaNut 592,332
August 2013
Posts: 706
Layouts: 0
Posted: 4/18/2014 7:57:57 AM
I think it has become a cliche statement that generally means that being able to love yourself opens the floodgates of being able to love uninhibited. Like you live yourself naked to the roots, nothing to hide, an open book. I often view it in "hippie context" peace love etc!

It could infer that peoe who are full of self love are more open to love and be loved.

My friends and I think that this statement does not encompass enough--trust, respect, cherish, honesty!
Uploaded with iPhone client

eebud
Doxie Pea Mom

PeaNut 52,841
October 2002
Posts: 33,484
Layouts: 25

Posted: 4/18/2014 8:06:57 AM
I also agree with the with the others have said.

I think that most people who are not happy with themselves are looking for someone else to make them happy. We can't depend on others to do this for us.





Hans on left, Bud in middle, Gretchen on right

KeithUrbanLovinPea
PeaFixture

PeaNut 29,932
February 2002
Posts: 3,288
Layouts: 0
Loc: Houston, Texas

Posted: 4/18/2014 8:32:06 AM

I think that most people who are not happy with themselves are looking for someone else to make them happy. We can't depend on others to do this for us.



^^^ This. It's not that you have to be completely happy with everything about yourself, but that you can't depend on someone else to fill that void. You have to make your own life whole, not expect someone else to complete you. At least in the sense of self-esteem/worth.


Lisa in Texas/KULP
Mommy to two beautiful girls and Urban Crazy since 2004!

Kelpea
Owner of "best tacky invitation" thread EVER

PeaNut 176,832
November 2004
Posts: 14,039
Layouts: 2
Loc: Stalking Dave Gahan

Posted: 4/18/2014 9:00:29 AM

I think it has become a cliche statement that generally means that being able to love yourself opens the floodgates of being able to love uninhibited.


Really? I'd have to disagree with that statement. The meaning is pretty straightforward...and doesn't have anything to do with loving uninhibited.



Shevy
Harley Riding Pea

PeaNut 10,051
January 2001
Posts: 8,026
Layouts: 9
Loc: 10,000 Lakes and Double Cities!

Posted: 4/18/2014 9:06:47 AM

think it has become a cliche statement that generally means that being able to love yourself opens the floodgates of being able to love uninhibited. Like you live yourself naked to the roots, nothing to hide, an open book. I often view it in "hippie context" peace love etc!



I think it's more about being able to understand yourself and how you work and what you need in life. You cannot depend on someone else to make you happy. It just doesn't work and it's not fair to you or the other person. If you don't understand how you live life and what you need to be happy and how to get it, the other person can't understand it either and you're setting both of you up to fail.

It's not saying that you have to be perfect in every way at all. But you do have to have a self awareness. And just because you have this, doesn't mean that the flood gates of eligible spouses unlock and are presented to you. It's an active process that you need to forge your own way in.



angievp
Ideay pues?

PeaNut 143,106
April 2004
Posts: 7,420
Layouts: 36
Loc: Miami

Posted: 4/18/2014 4:11:37 PM

All around you see people who are broken, and who try to use their partner to bury or fix what's not healed. You see how well that works. People rush into something new while they are still carrying the wounds from childhood or a past marriage - you've seen that too, right?


This.

Fraidyscrapper
She calls me a Fun Sucker

PeaNut 38,100
May 2002
Posts: 13,565
Layouts: 0
Loc: Jersey Strong

Posted: 4/18/2014 4:28:15 PM
Manipulative? What is it attempting to make the listener do?


"The sharpest criticism often goes hand in hand with the deepest idealism and love of country." - Robert F. Kennedy

myboysnme
Living life on the left

PeaNut 69,081
February 2003
Posts: 7,959
Layouts: 1

Posted: 4/18/2014 5:26:09 PM
It's manipulative because it casts doubt on the love a person has for someone else; that it isn't love if the person doesn't first love themselves.

I think you can love others when you don't love yourself, but how emotionally healthy it is can depend a whole lot on how you feel about yourself. You can love someone, but does your other baggage overshadow that love with self deprecation, jealousy, dependency, etc.


My choice is to not take it personally - people have opinions. Particularly people here.-Peabay 12/29/11
I know this is assuming, but I'm really starting to think you are one of those "entitled" peas - Dalayney 4/2/12
When someone elects you Queen of Two Peas, then you can make the rules. - Sue_Pea 12/22/13
"Myboysnme,...I bow down to you, oh queen of the scrapping goodness" - Irish Eyes 3/9/14
"Myboysnme -- ... Whoa. I bow to thee." - Jill S 4/26/14









Skybar
Perfect Peaing

PeaNut 188,727
January 2005
Posts: 24,389
Layouts: 0
Loc: AZ desert

Posted: 4/18/2014 8:59:29 PM
I guess it depends on what your definition of love is...

I wouldn't think of it as in a 'hippie context', being full of self love (egotistical) or manipulative.

to Christians 'self love' is viewed in light of how much the Lord loves us and also the 2nd great commandment - to love your neighbor as yourself. If you don't love yourself, you aren't going to love your 'neighbor' very much either.

That love is 'agape' love tho. there are different types of love in Hebrew. The commandment 'love' is agape.




"A thorough knowledge of the Bible is worth more than a college education."
- President Theodore Roosevelt

On June 28, 1787, as Governor of Pennsylvania, Benjamin Franklin hosted the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia, where he moved:

"That henceforth prayers imploring the assistance of Heaven, and its blessing on our deliberations, be held in this Assembly every morning."

Franklin wrote April 17, 1787:

"Only a virtuous people are capable of freedom. As nations become corrupt and vicious, they have more need of masters."

Benjamin Franklin wrote his epitaph:

"THE BODY of BENJAMIN FRANKLIN - Printer. Like the cover of an old book, Its contents torn out, And stripped of its lettering and gilding, Lies here, food for worms; Yet the work itself shall not be lost, For it will (as he believed) appear once more, In a new, And more beautiful edition, Corrected and amended By The AUTHOR."

BuckeyeSandy
Old Dogs are Best!

PeaNut 92,987
June 2003
Posts: 23,741
Layouts: 367
Loc: With my dogs

Posted: 4/18/2014 9:19:06 PM


Sandy
Every MOM is a working mom!
"Retired" after 22 years of an Air Force Career

REMEMBER this Veterans Day

To quote Wayne Gretzky, "You miss 100% of the shots you never take."

Aesculus
Uploaded with iPhone client

* Harmony *
Puddle Jumper

PeaNut 62,131
January 2003
Posts: 20,822
Layouts: 126
Loc: Tennessee

Posted: 4/18/2014 9:28:30 PM
This:

I think you can love others when you don't love yourself, but how emotionally healthy it is can depend a whole lot on how you feel about yourself. You can love someone, but does your other baggage overshadow that love with self deprecation, jealousy, dependency, etc.
This:

It's not that you have to be completely happy with everything about yourself, but that you can't depend on someone else to fill that void. You have to make your own life whole, not expect someone else to complete you. At least in the sense of self-esteem/worth.
And this:

I think it's more about being able to understand yourself and how you work and what you need in life. You cannot depend on someone else to make you happy. It just doesn't work and it's not fair to you or the other person. If you don't understand how you live life and what you need to be happy and how to get it, the other person can't understand it either and you're setting both of you up to fail.

It's not saying that you have to be perfect in every way at all. But you do have to have a self awareness. And just because you have this, doesn't mean that the flood gates of eligible spouses unlock and are presented to you. It's an active process that you need to forge your own way in.

IScrapCrap
StuckOnPeas

PeaNut 570,639
October 2012
Posts: 2,808
Layouts: 0
Loc: pea formerly known as GIPfunny

Posted: 4/18/2014 10:48:03 PM

Yesterday a friend posted on Facebook that people should stop complaining about being fat or ugly and just listen to their partners, who think they are gorgeous. Someone else posted, "You can't possibly love someone else if you don't love yourself." So, I have been thinking about this quote. What does it mean to "love yourself"? Does that mean that you accept yourself unconditionally? Or does it mean that you think mostly good about yourself? I'm not sure I agree that you can't love others unless you love yourself and am wondering what others think.


Some may say I'm pessimistic, but I prefer realistic. I am fat and have no problem saying so. By traditional standards of beauty, I am ugly. BUT I'm not one to go on facebook and complain relentlessly to others. To me, that is seeking attention in a negative way.

I think it is an odd statement you can't love others if you don't love yourself. It's possible to put your feelings aside about yourself and love others AND have a healthy relationship.

I prefer to aim for being content about myself. Loving myself sounds too self-absorbed like there's no reason for me to try to improve. I know most people don't think that way, whatever, it works for me.

KristinL16
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 142,870
April 2004
Posts: 13,238
Layouts: 102
Loc: MN

Posted: 4/18/2014 10:56:24 PM
In regards to this quote, I tend to agree most with myboysnme. Something about this quote rubs me the wrong way and I think that sums it up pretty well. In the situation I mentioned, I thought that using this quote negated the feelings of the person who was "complaining" about herself. If someone told me that every time I complained about myself, I would be pretty irritated.

My response to the Facebook poster was that people tend to pay the most attention to messages that validate their thoughts about a situation (or in this case, themselves). It is easy to push away messages that aren't congruent with our thoughts and opinions and deem them as untrue while we will cling to the messages that provide "proof" for our beliefs, whether those are positive or negative.

I hope that makes sense. It's late, it's been a long week, and I have a bad cold.



KristinL16
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 142,870
April 2004
Posts: 13,238
Layouts: 102
Loc: MN

Posted: 4/18/2014 11:15:59 PM
I should clarify...the woman was not complaining about herself on Facebook. She was apparently complaining to her husband, who then told the person who posted that people should stop complaining and listen to their spouses who think they are beautiful. A friend of that person is the one who made the comment about it being impossible to love someone else if you don't love yourself.



pennyring
Thrift Ninja

PeaNut 226,011
October 2005
Posts: 23,312
Layouts: 40
Loc: Rite Aid

Posted: 4/18/2014 11:21:19 PM

Some may say I'm pessimistic, but I prefer realistic. I am fat and have no problem saying so. By traditional standards of beauty, I am ugly. BUT I'm not one to go on facebook and complain relentlessly to others. To me, that is seeking attention in a negative way.


Something my BFF in high school once said has always stuck with me. "I've never met an ugly looking person. Funny looking, yes, god has a sense of humor. But not ugly."

Since the day she said that, I've never seen an ugly person either. Everyone is beautiful in their way.



Show/Hide Icons . Show/Hide Signatures
Hide
{{ title }}
{{ icon }}
{{ body }}
{{ footer }}