Losing online friends

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Posted 8/12/2013 by looser in General Stamping

The Craft Curmudgeon

PeaNut 256,594
April 2006
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Posted: 8/12/2013 12:21:52 PM
I just got a wonderful PM from our Stampea friend Jan (Far North).

She pointed out that 'losing' online friends whether thru death or other made the grieving process somewhat different from other losses. I agree with her.

Our group has been fortunate. We have had someone share the news when the loss is due to death by members of our friend's family. Beady's is the most recent, but Kelly (Freckle Face Cutie) is another. Both were very active members of our group. Knowing why they will no longer be active helps us enormously. We don't have to conjecture about their disappearance. Worry that they left us due to a problem with any of us or the group in general.

Then we have cases where a very active StamPea just goes off the grid with no idea why. I can think of several & sure others can too.

In some cases we may have e-mail access to these friends & even attempt to contact them with no response. In those cases it feels like the last episode of the 'Sopranos'--just goes black.

I'm not suggesting any game plan for avoiding this, but Jan's PM & a thread post by StampWilly inspired this thread.

Feel free to post your thoughts & comments please.

Daniel R. Boone


PeaNut 559,480
July 2012
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Loc: Hogwarts

Posted: 8/12/2013 1:04:33 PM
I've only been a member of two peas for a year. This is the first loss of an online friend I've actually experienced. I can't stop thinking about Kathy or her family, and I can't imagine what it would be like for us had we never actually known what happened. My family is very aware of how active I am on this board, therefore I do have a game plan in place in case something unfortunate were to happen. Now lets hope I don't go walk out in front of a bus or something

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good" - Harry Potter
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The Craft Curmudgeon

PeaNut 256,594
April 2006
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Layouts: 365

Posted: 8/12/2013 1:09:04 PM
Look both ways when crossing the street, April!

Daniel R. Boone

Oh For Peas Sake

PeaNut 540,243
January 2012
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Loc: PA

Posted: 8/12/2013 1:11:35 PM
I agree it is different to grieve an online friend. It is nice (for me) that I am able to send an actual card to the family. That frequently wouldn't be possible.

I have seen threads in the NSBR thread asking if people have preparations for online accounts made in case of their death. I don't, but DH is aware of my 2peas account and I believe he would eventually let someone know if, God forbid, something happened.



PeaNut 356,430
January 2008
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Loc: TN

Posted: 8/12/2013 3:05:59 PM
I agree grieving for an online friend is hard too. I feel like I was just getting to know Beady. I enjoyed reading what Daniel had said about her and I totally could see that. I sure will miss reading her posts and I will probably be looking for her sign ups on our monthly tag swaps. She sure will be missed. Thank you Daniel for letting us know, I'm glad we can send cards to her family since we have her address.

I've often wondered when people go off the grid, while I have only been active here for a year and a half?(I think!) I've seen a few members go missing. You always hope it's nothing serious.

I know my DH is aware of my account here but I wonder if he would think about contacting someone if something ever happened to me. Since I'm the last person on earth without a Facebook or twitter account he probably wouldn't!

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PeaNut 559,480
July 2012
Posts: 4,259
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Loc: Hogwarts

Posted: 8/12/2013 3:46:12 PM
Pug you aren't the only one without Facebook. I'm right there with you

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good" - Harry Potter
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Prospurring Pea

PeaNut 379,335
June 2008
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Loc: North Carolina

Posted: 8/12/2013 4:44:22 PM
Kelly's (FreckledCutie's) passing really hit me hard - particularly because it happened so quickly. One day she was here ... I'd just sent her a RAK in the mail ... and the next, she was gone. I think it was also hard because there was no real way to reach out to her family and to tell them how much she meant to us.


PeaNut 534,355
December 2011
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Loc: Sydney, Australia

Posted: 8/12/2013 4:57:04 PM
I thought *I* was the last person on earth without Facebook!!!

My DH knows I love 2peas, but he wouldn't get on here to share any "news" - just not the sort of thing he'd do. I like to think, though, that I wouldn't just disappear for any reason other than death or permanent disablement (or maybe alien abduction ) . So if you didn't hear from me for a few months, you could probably assume...

Yeah, I saw a thread on NSBR about this a few months ago. I do often wonder about Meechelle... She said there was a family emergency and that was the last we heard of her. Weird.

Gee, we're getting morbid around here. Understandable in the circumstances, though.

Have a good day, everyone - avoid buses!!!

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Far North

PeaNut 188,311
January 2005
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Posted: 8/12/2013 7:14:19 PM
I just sent off my card to Kathy's family. I also wanted to let folks know I posted a link to the obituary on the other thread. There is a guest book on the obituary page where one can leave a message for the family.

From the obituary I learned that Kathy was very active in the Catholic Church which I hadn't heard before. It just makes me think about how we know just a small sliver about one another. And yet we do learn lots about each other creative skills and related interests.

I know my family is aware of the many hours of enjoyment I get from sharing online as well as the enjoyment I get from creating. However it is hard for them to understand how people become a part of an online community and the connections we build if they don't participate in similar online groups. Unfortunately that lack of understanding can limit my communication with them when I am experiencing a sad moment for the loss of one of our online pals.
I am glad we can take a moment to share here...Jan


PeaNut 183,669
January 2005
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Loc: Utah

Posted: 8/12/2013 8:23:10 PM
This is topic that I have thought about in the past and now in the present. I am grateful to Beady's husband for contacting Daniel and for Daniel in sharing - There have been others that we have lost during my time here. Sometime we knew for sure and some times, we knew only that it was pending. Each loss has hard for me - miss their project, miss their comments, miss that I didn't get to know them better when I had the chance.

I must plan ahead for this as well. I need to plan ahead for other things, but put it off all of the time.

I have been missing for most of the summer, but I am still here and hope when school starts to be more active.

Bless each and every one of you.

Ann - Utah

Sit. Stay. Pea!

PeaNut 115,196
November 2003
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Loc: It's dark in here......I can't see a thing!

Posted: 8/12/2013 9:51:10 PM
When I hear of, or lose an online friend, I am always reminded that it could happen to any of us. One day we are here to post, and the next day, or even the next hour, it could all change. It's always good to at least know why the person left instead of wondering what happened.

I once pea-mailed a pea about her pet layouts and one day, 3 YEARS LATER, she responded. The whole time I though something must have happened to her. But no, she was just busy doing other things. I was happy to hear that.

Love is love. It doesn't matter if it is a dog. ~Diane Keaton in Darling Companion~


PeaNut 432,196
July 2009
Posts: 1,193
Layouts: 2
Loc: Ozarks

Posted: 8/13/2013 7:36:27 AM
Add me to the no Facebook group.

I know I come & go over here. Life has been so busy for me the past few years. I do look forward to it slowing down soon. Plus, I am getting back into scrapbooking. I will be over here more often. My DH knows I post over here. I am sure he would say something. I have online friends who check on me all the time.

I have lost online friends over the years. It is always shocking and heartbreaking.


Jeepers PEApers

PeaNut 495,307
January 2011
Posts: 2,345
Layouts: 172

Posted: 8/13/2013 8:07:37 AM
I am active here and in a couple of other internet places, my family knows that I spend a lot of time doing projects and connecting with people on the net, and I will often show them the things I am working on, or comment about something really cool that someone else on one of my boards did however, if something were to happen to me, I don't think they would have even an idea of which sites to go to or know the passwords to log on to let my online friends know what happened. I never worried about it much figuring that, if I posted regularly then suddenly just stopped, people would eventually just figure out something had happened, but it is now occurring to me that a "sudden departure" might leave others high and dry in the middle of swaps or exchanges. I'll have to think about what to do about that.

Losing Beady as we have, has been a wake up call for me too. Not only in regards to how it affects people who we know on line but also as a reminder that none of it knows when it will happen. Kathy was signed up for things and obviously planning to be here next week and next month to participate, and now she is gone. It is very sad to think about but also an encouragement to use each day that we have as best we can and do what is important to us now.


PeaNut 541,181
January 2012
Posts: 2,595
Layouts: 128
Loc: West Texas

Posted: 8/13/2013 8:50:18 AM
Add another!!! I too do not have Facebook or Twitter either!

My family knows I participate on Twopeas but, not sure if they'd think about letting everyone know if something happened to me. Maybe after a bit of time I think they would. I am reminded of another website that I used to participate in and something happen to one of the members---they had to go to the hospital for about a week and so her DD signed up for her own account on the forum and posted a thread where she briefly introduce herself and then let everyone know what happened to her mother.

I too wonder at times what happened to other Peas (Meechelle is one--she was fun to talk too! lol!) but I realize things gets so busy! and that can bring overwhelming feelings etc. and online forums can either be a "get away" or one more thing that adds to that overwhelming feeling.


Jeepers PEApers

PeaNut 44,682
August 2002
Posts: 2,401
Layouts: 341
Loc: Michigan

Posted: 8/14/2013 8:49:28 AM
Just sad about losing our 2 pea friends. I have a plan and a letter w/ my password for hubby and have requested that when it happens, to please post it to facebook and 2 peas. This place is my on-line creative outlet and he knows that. Hugs to you all and while we are still here and stamping, know that each of you have taught me something, shared beautiful work, and offered me a creative outlet and place to express my creativity. I love you all for that.

Neysa aka neyw

Happy Scrapping

In The Shadow

PeaNut 180,553
December 2004
Posts: 1,715
Layouts: 26
Loc: Columbus, Ohio (Southwest of)

Posted: 8/31/2013 7:56:34 AM
I was a very active reader and message board poster here at 2Peas and on an online Bible study group.

The study group began Skyping, phoning, email and we were very close. My husband died unexpectedly and after contacting family and immediate close friends I contacted the online friends. This is how close: our life insurance cancelled in Jan bc of hubby high blood pressure and I was trying to get another company when he died. They sent me $5000.00, YELP, they did!

Canon XTi, Canon 100mm 2.8 Macro,Tamron 17-50mm f2.8,Canon 28x105mm USMII f3.5-4.5, Canon 85mm 1.8, Canon 75-300mm f4.-5.6
Seeing...Through My Eyes

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