Runners, would you expect your DH to be there at the finish line of a half marathon?

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Posted 4/20/2011 by cdnstorelady in NSBR Board
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cdnstorelady
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Posted: 4/20/2011 4:58:07 PM
I'm training for a half in late May. This will be the 4th one I've done but the last one was 8 years ago. I'm hoping to do my first full in the fall and DH said he would go to watch - it's in different province so would be a weekend trip for him and I.

This summer he plans to golf on Sunday mornings. The first week is this Sunday and then we'll be away for the next 2 Sundays in a row. The third Sunday is the half which starts at 9:30. His groups of guys tees off at 9:00 so there's no way to do both. If he wasn't going to miss the previous two Sundays as well I would sort of expect him to be at the finish line with our two DDs. He said he would go, but then he said "I guess that will be three weeks in a row I'll miss golfing."

If he goes golfing it is possible that my Dad will drive up from where he lives 1.5 hours away to watch the finish as he's never done that before and he could take my DDs with him. Would you tell your DH to go golfing or take him up on his offer to watch you run, even if you thought he was secretly hoping you'll tell him to go golfing?

Crap just realized I did a poll and it's too hard to redo on my iPad. Maybe I'll come up with some poll options...
WWYD?Results
Tell him to go golfing but secretly be p!ssed
Tell him to go golfing and enjoy himself
Tell him you'd like him to watch you but it's his decision
Get your DDs to guilt him into it
All of the above 

Captain K
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Posted: 4/20/2011 5:00:53 PM
The first one, yes, I expected him to be there. I also appreciate when he is there for any full ones. However, I do a few halfs a year and do not expect him to be there for those. Sometimes I need him or someone else to drive me because of circumstances like traffic or him needing the car, but after the first couple, it wasn't important to me that he be there for the halfs.

That said, it does not matter how I feel about it. What matters is how you feel and that your husband is supportive of that. On the other hand, golfing is also important to him, so you need to balance that too. Good luck.

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Posted: 4/20/2011 5:01:19 PM
Hmm, well I totally get that you want him there to cheer you on and pat you on the back for a job well done! (both in training and finishing). I probably would want that too.

With that being said, running a half marathon is your "thing". Sounds like golfing is his "thing". Do you think it is fair to expect him to skip his thing to watch you do yours? Ultimately, that's your choice to make.


-Angela

keriwestpartdeux
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Posted: 4/20/2011 5:02:07 PM
To just hang out while I run, so he can yell while I cross...knowing that he's missing something that he truly enjoys? LOL no.



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Posted: 4/20/2011 5:05:04 PM
I'd want him to cheer me on. Especially if I had been training for it and it was a milestone for me.




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crafterbeth
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Posted: 4/20/2011 5:21:30 PM
It's different for us....running is our passion as a couple....
so we are always at the same races together.....over literally
dozens of races we have never not been there together

and it would depend on how important it is to you and if
you communicated that to him....

Hubby usually isn't at the finish line for my half's because
he is still out on the full course.....



lemon dropp
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Posted: 4/20/2011 5:28:00 PM
I am not a runner (but I'm posting anyway!) but I am a wife. I would tell my DH to go golfing and we'd celebrate later. I think your DH will be envied by his golfing buddies for having such a wonderful, understanding wife!

And good for you!

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Posted: 4/20/2011 5:29:09 PM

How many times have you stood at the 18th hole and cheered him on as he came in from a round of golf?

I think under the circumstances you described, I'd let him go golfing.








alisatj
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Posted: 4/20/2011 5:29:12 PM
Nope, I'd expect him to be home taking care of the kids. In your case, I'd send him golfing.

olan
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Posted: 4/20/2011 5:32:42 PM
If its important to you then you should convey that to your spouse. The 18th hole and a marathon finish line have nothing in common.



guzismom
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Posted: 4/20/2011 5:37:18 PM
There is no way my husband would choose to go golfing over watching me complete a half marathon, especially if it was my first one (yours might as WELL be your first one, since the last was so long ago). If I thought that was even a possibility I would explain to him how important it was to me and ask him to come...but of course, being an adult the decision would be 100% his.



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cdnstorelady
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Posted: 4/20/2011 5:42:20 PM
I wish DH was a runner too! Jus t the other day I was chatting with the Dad of DDs friend who has done 4 marathons. DH listened and said "I just don't get it. There's no ball or puck and no way to score points". On the other hand, he never complains about the time I spend running and I enjoy the fact of how quiet it is when I run. One day my sister asked "what do you think about for 2 hours or so?". I said, "whatever I want to!"

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Posted: 4/20/2011 5:42:25 PM

The 18th hole and a marathon finish line have nothing in common.

It wasn't meant to be literal. My point is: Does she support his interests the way she wants him to support hers?

Besides, it is a HALF. She's done them before. And plenty of golfers have occassional "important" rounds, too, like club championships, member/guests, tournaments, etc.

I'm just inquiring about equity in the level of support for one another.








CountryHam
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Posted: 4/20/2011 5:51:52 PM
Running is a sport, passion or past time.
Golf is a sport, passion or past time.




olan
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Posted: 4/20/2011 5:53:39 PM

It wasn't meant to be literal. My point is: Does she support his interests the way she wants him to support hers?

Besides, it is a HALF. She's done them before. And plenty of golfers have occassional "important" rounds, too, like club championships, member/guests, tournaments, etc.

I'm just inquiring about equity in the level of support for one another.


Then you could have just said that. When you were comparing a round of golf to a marathon finish you didnt say the 18th hole was the completion of a tough course or a club championship. How about we liken finishing up a round of golf to say o shooting a deer and finishing a marathon to say o killing a wild elephant. See the difference. One is no biggie and the other is an "accomplishment".



babysgotblueeyes
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Posted: 4/20/2011 5:59:20 PM
That's tough. I'd want my husband to be there. It's not just to call out my name, but to support me and recognize my accomplishment. A half marathon is a HUGE accomplishment. It's 13.1 miles, not something to balk at. If you already had these plans I think I'd want him to be there for me if it was my dh.


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Posted: 4/20/2011 6:00:01 PM

LOL, Olan. If you want the last word, you can have it.

I think we've both made our points.








Captain K
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Posted: 4/20/2011 6:01:23 PM

How about we liken finishing up a round of golf to say o shooting a deer and finishing a marathon to say o killing a wild elephant.


LOL. Olan, I have to hand it to you, you are one smart cookie. I like you.

raindancer
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Posted: 4/20/2011 6:02:40 PM
I wouldn't care anyway, but in those circumstances I would happily have him go golfing. It's a pita when someone commits to golf and then bails. I would do my thing, he would do his, and I would find a place for the kids to go. No big deal.


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mtomseth
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Posted: 4/20/2011 6:03:31 PM
In the specific situation you described, I would encourage my husband to go golfing.



mom2ja2
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Posted: 4/20/2011 6:21:40 PM
I've done 2 halfs. My husband was at both, but he really didn't mean to be. One year the weather was awful, so while I was running for 2 hours he was freezing & getting rained on. Not to mention, so many people run the half I entered that he didn't see me cross the finish either time.

I'd love it if he could make it, it's nice for someone to hold your stuff & have your back at the end...but if he had something else to do I'd be fine with it.



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melissa
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Posted: 4/20/2011 7:24:33 PM
Have you ever "watched" a marathon or half marathon?

We've done this numerous times. We've gone on trips with dh so he could run in a half or full marathon. I always tried to make the best of it, but honestly, if there was something else for myself and dd to do, I would in a heart beat. Recently, he's gone by himself or with fellow runners on these sorts of trips.

So, even if it were my first half marathon, I would not expect my dh to be at the finish line.... unless he were running the same race and got to the finish before me.



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Posted: 4/20/2011 7:54:55 PM
In this case, I 'd have him go golfing. The first time I ran an organized race it was a 10K. My husband was at the finish line and took a picture of me - he cut my head off in the photo. I thought it was very funny, but it would have been nice to have a picture of myself crossing the finish line of my first race with a head.


Ellen

crafterbeth
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Posted: 4/20/2011 7:55:00 PM
As a fellow runner I totally understand that you would want your husband at the finish to see you achieve this tremendous accomplishment...........sometimes it's hard for people who have
never done one to realize what crossing that finish line really
represents to the person doing it

Our son and his GF came to the watch me cross the finish last Oct
at my first full (of course hubby was there because he finished over
an hour before me)even though I have run so many half's the first full was important and a huge accomplishment and they understood that..............they came in time for the finish, I didn't care that they weren't out on the course that can get pretty boring for spectators..

He will be there for your first full and that will be awesome!!



scrapprincess2002
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Posted: 4/20/2011 8:00:42 PM
i guess if it was important to me i would be a little sad that he wouldnt be there for me
wouldnt you be there for him if he was doing somthing that was inmportant to him?

BudgetMama
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Posted: 4/20/2011 8:06:40 PM
He should be there and if golf is important, he can golf after or the day before.

SmartyPants71
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Posted: 4/20/2011 8:31:49 PM
*I* would expect my SO to be there. Running a half marathon is a HUGE accomplishment and frankly I'd be pissed if he chose to do something else. Nobody just "ups and runs" a half marathon. It usually takes months of training to get to 13.1.
I'm going to have to summon my sister to the pod - she has very strong feelings about this as well.

Silverdolphin
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Posted: 4/20/2011 11:04:36 PM
Yes.

raindancer
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Posted: 4/20/2011 11:07:05 PM

As a fellow runner I totally understand that you would want your husband at the finish to see you achieve this tremendous accomplishment...........sometimes it's hard for people who have
never done one to realize what crossing that finish line really
represents to the person doing it


I've never done the race, I did the final training and had some health issues a week before the race. My husband wasn't coming, I trained with other people, and we cheered each other on. So I "understand" just fine.


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Posted: 4/20/2011 11:41:17 PM
I am in the minority I guess. He is soon going to be golfing EVERY Sunday ALL season. Missing a few Sundays in a row at the start is not a big deal. You have not done one of these runs in 4 years. That's a big deal. Running 13.1 miles is a huge deal. Calling it "just a half" is crazy - most people could never do "just a half".

If it is an important milestone for you and you'd like him to be there with your DDs, sit down with him when you're both in a good mood and talk to him about it. Tell him you feel bad he will miss 3 weeks of golf at the beginning of the season but that it would mean a lot to you, and him showing his support with your DDs there would really make it a fun family outing. That it's a big day for you and after all there are all those other Sundays for him to do his thing.

My DH used to golf at least twice a week before we had kids. Never once did I complain. I found my own hobbies. I did my own thing. We didn't have to be together 24/7. But now that we chose to have a family, he doesn't even get to golf more than about twice a month. When it first started happening he was cranky about it, childish even. But we have stuff to do, families that we need to visit, house projects that have to get done. He's not in his 20s anymore. He's almost 40 with a bunch of kids and a house and a wife. Do I wish he could still have 2 days a week to golf? YES. I'd be happy for him. But he had to learn that it's not all about him anymore and the fun things he wants to do. The OP's DH chose to be married with children and this is an important milestone for his wife. A once-a-week round of golf gets trumped by a half-marathon. If it was a championship round or even a charity round it might be different, but it's not.

And for those comparing a race to a round of golf, I'm sorry but that is apples and oranges. I have a golfer husband. There isn't an opportunity to support him with his golf rounds. If I were to go to the course to attempt to show him support, everyone would look at me like I was a lunatic. It's just not done. People watch races. Families and friends are there at the finish. People cheer you on. It's what you do. It's not her fault that his hobby isn't one that lends itself to supporters. If he had a different hobby, the OP probably would be there at important milestones.

Kate1
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Posted: 4/21/2011 12:07:24 AM
DH watched my first 5K, 15K, half & full, but I NEVER expected him to attend any races after those.

Parking is always hard to find
Standing around for over an hour is BORING
Race weather is often freezing, sweltering, or raining
Tables of tempting snacks are for runners only
When runners are crowded, family can completely miss you running by
Hard to predict your time, so family is tied to the finish

The first race of a new/longer distance is a "huge" accomplishment, but the 2nd,3rd,4th? Well, even *I* wasn't that excited.

I have my running friends to chat with and re-hash the race. I give DH the race highlights later (while he massages my legs!).

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Posted: 4/21/2011 12:17:50 AM
My husband is the runner & competes. I don't make all his 5 & 10Ks. But, we do our best to be there at the finish line for any halfs & marathons. He's working toward bis & triathalons. I'll be there for those too.

His father also goes with us if he can. Otherwise, he will keep the boy overnight if we have to travel for the races & school schedules/events won't allow him to travel with us.

Honestly, I missed dh's first crosscountry type event (25+ miles) due to one of our son's events conflicting. It was something that I would not have felt comfortable asking my dfil to cover for me. I did the best I could with the circumstances I had. But, I regret my inability to be there.

My husband is super supportive in my hobbies. I've given up all day crops to attend his events. But, he has also given up his own events in order for me to attend my crops & such.

Missing Golf 3 weeks in a row should be an easy sacrifice. IMHO.




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Posted: 4/21/2011 1:00:05 AM
No.
DH does BMX. He is going away for 3 days over easter. It's going to be boring as heck to watch for me.

He's invited me to watch and I say 'Would you watch me scrapbook all day?'. It's boring if you're not a participant.

Georgiapea
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Posted: 4/21/2011 1:21:36 AM
If I wanted him to be there, my DH would. But the OP's DH's comment on missing "3 weeks in a row" is something mine would say. He's from a family that used guilt as a communication tool.

swissscrapper
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Posted: 4/21/2011 2:32:34 AM
When I ran my first half, I did not expect my husband to come. It was kind of far away, he would have had to take care of all 5 kids by himself for hours with nothing to really entertain them with, and it was not something I needed emotionally. He was very supportive of my training, bought me a Garmin, helped me get out of bed in the morning, got the kids ready for school by himself so I could run longer distances without getting up even before the crack of dawn, etc.

In other words, I know he thought what I was doing was great, but it was more important to me to have his support for the long haul, rather than just at the finish line.

Amy


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Wife to Chris

crafterbeth
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Posted: 4/21/2011 5:19:31 AM

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As a fellow runner I totally understand that you would want your husband at the finish to see you achieve this tremendous accomplishment...........sometimes it's hard for people who have
never done one to realize what crossing that finish line really
represents to the person doing it
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've never done the race, I did the final training and had some health issues a week before the race. My husband wasn't coming, I trained with other people, and we cheered each other on. So I "understand" just fine.
_______________________________________________________________________

Touchy much? this certainly was not directed at you and you did not once indicate you were a runner so why would it be??

I was addressing the fact that I stated "most people do not understand" that is the simple truth......I have never golfed therefore I don't understand the allure in that...same can be said for scrapbooking many people I know think it is a silly frivolous expensive hobby....it's all about interest and perspective

I have raced for 12 years,,,,,,,none of my extended family (Mom, siblings, in-laws) have ever come to an event simply because we don't tell them about it becuase they have no interest and do not understand the process or the achievement and we don't expect them to come because we KNOW it can be boring and tedious and difficult to get around







pretzels
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Posted: 4/21/2011 5:36:40 AM
No.

Running is *my* thing, not DH's. He does his part by ensuring that I am able to go run when I want and need to.

I have run 3 half-marathons and numerous 5 and 10Ks. He hasn't been at any of them, and I'm completely OK with that.

This is for ME.


sometimes it's hard for people who have
never done one to realize what crossing that finish line really
represents to the person doing it


My point. What it represents to ME. Not to DH. He oohs and aahs over the medal when I get home, and takes me out for a big meal and brags to his friends, but he doesn't need to be there at the finish line.

voltagain
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Posted: 4/21/2011 5:47:30 AM
we'll be away for the next 2 Sundays in a row
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Is this for his benefit or yours? If you are being away for events that are his, then he should go watch you. But if you are being away for events that he wouldn't go to unless you were dragging him along then I think he gets a free pass on the third week to go do his thing.


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Posted: 4/21/2011 6:13:06 AM

There isn't an opportunity to support him with his golf rounds. If I were to go to the course to attempt to show him support, everyone would look at me like I was a lunatic. It's just not done.

If your DH is just "golfing with the guys," then no. But you cannot make that as a blanket statement. My EX was a golfer and it certainly was the norm at the country club here for member/member, member/guest, and club championships.








cdnstorelady
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Posted: 4/21/2011 10:18:59 AM
we'll be away for the next 2 Sundays in a row
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Is this for his benefit or yours? If you are being away for events that are his, then he should go watch you. But if you are being away for events that he wouldn't go to unless you were dragging him along then I think he gets a free pass on the third week to go do his thing.
_____________________________________________

We'll be in Maui and San Francisco. It's a conference he qualified for through work so we're both benefitting.

I haven't decided what I'll do yet. He hasn't made a big deal about it. He said he'll go watch if I want him to and if I don't care, he'll go golfing. Since he's seen me do a half several times before and he'll go with me to the full, I'll probably tell him to go golfing.

I know he's proud of my running and from hearing the challenges some other runners have with DH's giving them grief about the time/money they spend running, I'm glad know he supports it as well so as long as my Dad can pick up my DDs and bring them down, that will probably be fine.

VizslaGirl
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Posted: 4/21/2011 10:24:46 AM
If he has a standing golf arrangement every weekend, I think I would be upset that he couldn't skip it for my event. Its not like you run a half marathon every weekend like he golfs.

As far as missing the two prior weeks, well, that sounds like it is work related, so in my book, that is neutral and doesn't count.

Good luck with your half marathon.


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What *else* would you do?

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kmk1112
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Posted: 4/21/2011 11:23:36 AM
How good of shape are you in? My DH has run a couple of half marathons, and he's never in any shape to drive himself home after them. (In fact, one year, we had to pull over so he could puke. nice.)

For that reason, I'd want to make sure there was someone of driving age there at the end of the race, whether that's DH or not up to you. It's a total PITA to go to a race with parking, street closures etc.

pretzels
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Posted: 4/21/2011 11:54:19 AM

How good of shape are you in? My DH has run a couple of half marathons, and he's never in any shape to drive himself home after them. (In fact, one year, we had to pull over so he could puke. nice.)



What? Sounds like your DH wasn't in any shape to be running a half. I've run three, and never puked after any of them. I felt pretty damned great afterward, actually. I drove myself home with zero trouble

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Posted: 4/21/2011 11:57:17 AM
If it were my very first one, then yes, I'd expect him to be there. After that, it would be nice, but I wouldn't get bent out of shape about it if he couldn't be there.



Alamos
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Posted: 4/21/2011 12:05:50 PM
*I* would expect and want my husband to be there if I ever completed a 1/2 marathon (because it would be a HUGE accomplishment for ME). I think it's reasonable for you to expect him to be there. Per your post its the first one in 8 years, so it's not an unusual request.

Also, my father ran a lot of marathons in the 80s and we always went as a family. It was fun to be outside and check out the scenary and the vendors. Most marathons have activities for kids, so your DDs might be entertained.


-Vanessa

I know that patience and loyalty are good, and virtuous traits. But sometimes I just think you need to grow a pair.-- Angela from THE OFFICE

kmk1112
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 11,642
February 2001
Posts: 8,692
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Loc: Ohio

Posted: 4/21/2011 1:32:14 PM

What? Sounds like your DH wasn't in any shape to be running a half. I've run three, and never puked after any of them. I felt pretty damned great afterward, actually. I drove myself home with zero trouble


It was because it was hot. He doesn't do well in heat and should have known better than to run in it.

cdnstorelady
Ancient Ancestor of Pea

PeaNut 218,176
August 2005
Posts: 6,963
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Posted: 4/21/2011 4:37:31 PM
For that reason, I'd want to make sure there was someone of driving age there at the end of the race, whether that's DH or not up to you.
_________________________________________________

Hmmm, that's a good point. I didn't puke after any of my others but I certainly remember feeling that my legs were pretty darn sore and stiff. Maybe I'll have to think about this a bit more.

stampstace
PeaAddict

PeaNut 147,417
May 2004
Posts: 1,456
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Loc: Wisconsin

Posted: 4/21/2011 5:12:52 PM
My first half marathon I wanted my husband and all three my kids at the finish line. My husband had told me in front of my kids I would not finish as I would devote training time to the kids. I cheer them on in everything and asked them to cheer me on. They were all there for me. Races since I just go and do it for me. dH always takes me to dinner and pampers me afterwards.


Mom to Justin, Joshua, Jenn and furbabies, Jake and Jazz



voltagain
OklaPhoma

PeaNut 18,334
July 2001
Posts: 38,143
Layouts: 15
Loc: State of cultural confusion. Yeehaw and Aloha have collided!

Posted: 4/21/2011 5:19:28 PM
Maui and San Fran, I think he can miss another week of golf and support his dear wife. Those trips are perks for him that you wouldn't be taking on your own. If he as giving up those two week ends to go visit your grandmother or something of that nature then I'd cut him some slack. But these are "his" trips.


What Your Kit Lens Can Do For You

Canon 60d, Canon 24-70mm 2.8L, Canon 70-200mm 2.8L, 50mm 1.8, 28-80, 75-300mm and Tamron 90mm 2.8 macro

dynalady
My soul is fed with needle and thread

PeaNut 25,620
December 2001
Posts: 20,256
Layouts: 49
Loc: Sweet Home Chicago

Posted: 4/21/2011 5:42:21 PM
I would tell him to go golfing, enjoy himself, and mean it.







"I contend we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours." Stephen Roberts



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