Spin off...because I didn't want to hijack the other thread, but how do you feel about tickling?

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Posted 10/25/2011 by Just T in NSBR Board
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Just T
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Posted: 10/25/2011 6:04:07 PM
I'm not talking the playful tickling that you do under a little baby's chin.

I personally HATE it and have horrifying memories of it. Without going into too much detail, I came from a very dysfunctional extended family. One of my worst childhood memories was of my aunt, who was only 4 years older than me, often being tickled mercilessly by her brothers. I mean tickled to the point that they were laughing hysterically while she cried. It was horrible, it happened often, and I used to feel so sorry for her. It made me scared to death of my uncles when I was little. I still don't care for one of them, and he is 54 years old because I think I was so traumatized by seeing that. My aunt by the way, was also sexually molested by family members (yes, more than one!) and she had a hard, pathetic life full of mental issues. She died from something very strange when she was only 48.

So, to this day, I cannot stand tickling. I can't stand it if my husband even comes up behind me and pokes me in the side with his finger. It seriously makes me want to turn around and punch him in the face. He knows how I feel about it, and doesn't do it anymore. I also would just about want to kill him if he would ever try to tickle our kids. I know he thought I was just an overreacting drama queen, but the thought of tickling like that makes me cringe.

So what are your thoughts on tickling? I know my situation is a bit extreme.

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Posted: 10/25/2011 6:10:17 PM
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Posted: 10/25/2011 6:10:22 PM
I can take it fine for about 5 seconds. After more than about 5 seconds of it, I too am reminded of a relative who tickled way too long, without mercy. They have ruined it for me, just like you.

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Posted: 10/25/2011 6:13:00 PM
My kids LOVE to tickle and rough house. And I play hard with them. The rule is that I only tickle for about 5 (maybe 10 seconds) and then give them a break. I always ask them if they want to keep tickling. The answer is almost always yes. But this way they have a chance to say when they have had enough.

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Posted: 10/25/2011 6:17:56 PM
I hate it with a passion, my brothers used to tickle me to the point I almost had panic attacks and they still thought it was funny.


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Posted: 10/25/2011 6:20:12 PM
I'm with you Donna, I hate it - even that light touching as you describe makes me want to scratch. Just the thought of it give me the heebie jeebies.


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Posted: 10/25/2011 6:22:16 PM
I hate the type you described. I don't think it's funny, I think it's cruel.

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Posted: 10/25/2011 6:27:39 PM

To me tickling is painful, and yet, I laugh. Its like a reflex I can't control even though it isn't appropriate to the way the stimulus actually feels.


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Posted: 10/25/2011 6:30:35 PM
I hate it too. I don't like people touching me in general, and tickling is an awful feeling to me!



peanuttle
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Posted: 10/25/2011 6:35:16 PM
I, personally, HATE being tickled! It is torture to me. DH thinks I'm crazy, but if someone tickles me, I get pissed!

On the other hand, my kids love it, so I will tickle my son (he asks me to), but I only tickle him for a few seconds and stop. I really think each person is different.



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Posted: 10/25/2011 6:53:48 PM
Not a fan of tickling. I do tickle my kids from time to time, but always stop quickly. I think tickling is a violation of a persons ownership of their body and psychologically abusive (to tickle someone against their will).

OP- my dh has a good friend that used to love to poke me in the sides (which I thought was grossly inappropriate since I was someone else's WIFE), and I finally told my dh to tell him if he ever did it again, I would punch his lights out. Fortunately, my dh believed me and conveyed the message to his friend that I MEANT it when I told him not to do that.

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Posted: 10/25/2011 6:58:08 PM
I hate being tickled. It actually terrifies me. That and being chased.


However, when my daughter was little she loved to be tickled. She'd ask me to tickle her and would laugh and laugh. As soon as she said stop, I would. She'd giggle for few seconds and then say, "Do it again!"


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StickleStep
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Posted: 10/25/2011 7:05:07 PM
there is a theory I learned about in one of my upper division psychology classes about tickling being a way for one person to show their dominance over another (because of how crippling it can be and how the person being tickled literally folds and succumbs to the tickler.) It was really interesting to learn about the intricacies of the theory and what the implications could lead to for those who are the extreme ticklers. Actually the other post about tickling made me remember this theory! just food for thought.



KatieBPea
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Posted: 10/25/2011 7:11:09 PM
I haven't ever had anyone even attempt to tickle me as an adult, but I have a bad childhood memory of an adult cousin of my mom's who was trying to 'get me' to tickle me when we were at a family get-together. I couldn't get past him to my mom.

He wasn't a very nice person and although I don't think he would have hurt me, I do think that he was the type of person who would have tickled me until I cried or wet my pants and thought it was funny.

I think it's a violation of personal space and be cruel in some cases, especially when it involves a child. My kids will sometimes ask to be tickled but I am very sensitive to when 'enough is enough.'



pe@ce
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Posted: 10/25/2011 7:57:34 PM
well, i hated it as well. Really hated it. So much so I taught myself to not respond and told everyone I wasn't ticklish. It has worked for over 20 years now. They have NO idea.






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Posted: 10/25/2011 8:06:17 PM

well, i hated it as well. Really hated it. So much so I taught myself to not respond and told everyone I wasn't ticklish. It has worked for over 20 years now. They have NO idea.


Same here!

I hated it so much, my uncles used to tickle me until I'd pee in my pants, it was horrible. Now I can just not respond.





melanell
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Posted: 10/25/2011 8:10:45 PM
I hate to be tickled.


My kids like it, though, so I occasionally give them a little tickle. But always a very short, momentary tickle.

Never that God-awful tickling until the person can't breathe and they feel bruised from the never ending tickling.

Perhaps my kids like to be tickled because they have never seen or experienced that nasty type of tickling.

And I'll be right in the face of anyone who ever tries to change that.



my.unquiet.mind
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Posted: 10/25/2011 8:15:21 PM
I can't even find the words to describe how much I detest being tickled. It's made me wonder on more than occasion if I experienced some sort of trauma related to tickling when I was younger.



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Posted: 10/25/2011 8:24:47 PM
My husband thought tickling was funny when we first started dating. He didn't realize my screaming was because I was panicking, not laughing. He got the message loud and clear when I punched him in his manhood.

Last tickle session of my life.

Julie

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Posted: 10/25/2011 8:33:50 PM
Me, my ds and my dh have tickle fights all the time. We all laugh. My ds begs us to tickle him all the time. I have no bad memories of being tickled, only good ones. I've never had anybody refuse to stop tickling when the person asks. I'll let up on my son every few seconds to make sure he's okay and he just asks me to continue tickling him. I have to tell him I'm tired and don't feel like having a tickle fight anymore, because he would seriously want us to tickle him for hours.

I would hate it if my dh didn't stop tickling me when I asked him to. But he always lets up. So, all good experiences here.

angievp
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Posted: 10/25/2011 8:42:55 PM
Tickling is the one and only thing that leads to anxiety attacks. Usually the 'tickler' gets injured in my attempts to free myself. I really do start having trouble breathing and get this overwhelming panic. So, my family knows NOT to tickle.

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Posted: 10/25/2011 8:47:17 PM
Fucking hate it with a passion! My dad would tickle me until I peed my pants, and then he would tease me endlessly for peeing my pants. I am okay with a short little tickle, but anything else is mean!



PierKiss
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Posted: 10/25/2011 8:57:30 PM
We like tickling in our house. But, we don't do it to extremes. It's like a quick tickle, and then we do something else. Sometimes we do multiple quick tickles, but it's never to the point where someone falls down, can't breathe, cries, or pees themselves (though, to be fair, the littles could be peeing themselves while we're tickling them, they're still in diapers!). Just a quick giggle and squirm, and that's it.


One of my worst childhood memories was of my aunt, who was only 4 years older than me, often being tickled mercilessly by her brothers. I mean tickled to the point that they were laughing hysterically while she cried. It was horrible, it happened often, and I used to feel so sorry for her. It made me scared to death of my uncles when I was little. I still don't care for one


This, is horrible. I don't want to imagine someone doing that to someone else, let alone to my children. I think I should teach them to only give quick tickles so that they don't accidentally do that to anyone else.



berrysmoothie
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Posted: 10/25/2011 9:26:25 PM
I do NOT like to be tickled. My sister tortured me with it when we were kids. My husband has tried to playfully tickle me in the past and learned his lesson quickly. I do not tickle my kids but my husband does. They seem to like it but I can't be any part of it.

Ugh, the more I come here the more I realize I need more therapy.

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Posted: 10/25/2011 11:08:19 PM
I do not like it at all, but I really like my personal space. I never, ever tickle my kids. My DD is crazy ticklish to the point she will collapse in helpless giggles if you even accidentally tickle her during a hug and she really doesn't like it. My DS likes to have his back rubbed before he goes to sleep and knows he can lie down with his arms up and trust me to do it without fear I will suddenly tickle his armpits.

I thought I was the only one who felt so strongly about tickling!
I think it is mean. (Excluding people who know their kids like it and do it in a way that the kids are having fun)


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Posted: 10/25/2011 11:29:38 PM
I don't like it. I accidentally kicked my husband in the head and knocked him out. Twice. When he tickled my feet. He didn't learn the first time, that's why it happened twice.
Needless to say, he doesn't even think about getting near my feet to tickle anymore


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meridion
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Posted: 10/26/2011 12:11:55 AM
I don't hate it. I think it's funny in moderation.

I more hate it when someone is not ticklish. But I am! Guess who suffers. Lol

I have never tickled someone to the point of pain or crying or anything.


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Posted: 10/26/2011 2:55:57 AM
I am a quiet, non-violent person, but I swear I will punch someone if they tickle me. It really pisses me off.



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Posted: 10/26/2011 3:43:16 AM
It's ok a little. like a "goose", not torture. if the other person isn't laughing it's no fun!

that said I have the same dislike for being "pinned" in any way. to the point my Mom apparently thought I hated being hugged. I'm very type A and not having control over an adult squeezing me, drove me NUTS! My chest tightens just thinking about it. (Dad & my brother would do it till I screamed to be let go.) They thought it was playful. I'm not sure how though. So I totally get what you are saying. I do like hugs though My Dh is a nice hugger.


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57suzi
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Posted: 10/26/2011 3:53:37 AM
I have been super ticklish all my life, and my grandpa thought it was funny to tickle me even when I was begging him to stop. The laughing is a response, and not a true sign of pleasure.

Later, as teens, my brothers thought it was cute to sneak up and gt me in the ribs, for there was always a strong reaction. I did not think it was fun or cute at all.

I detest being tickled, and early in my marriage, DH thought it was funny until I kicked so hard to get away from him I gauged out a good part of his chest with my toenail. He had a scar for years, and never tickled me again.

Zella
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Posted: 10/26/2011 4:47:04 AM
I absolutely DETEST being tickled. And to those who think it's okay to tickle until the person says stop, or as long as the person is laughing, think again.

When I'm tickled, I very quickly become hysterical. I laugh so hard that I can barely catch a breath, and I am often unable to speak. I literally cannot get a word out. I'm not laughing because I'm enjoying the tickling; I'm laughing because it is an uncontrollable reflex. Period.

I've seen a father tickle his daughter to the point of it being torture, and I found it repulsive. I believe that in such extreme cases it is often a precursor to sexual abuse. And I completely agree that it is a way of exerting dominance.

I'm not talking of a quick tickle under a baby's chin; of course not. But the kind that makes a person lose control, be it over their breathing, bladder, emotions. . . whatever. I think it's a very bad thing.


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Posted: 10/26/2011 5:05:28 AM
Idon't like it and DH wouldn't believe me... He'd say "But you're laughing..."

I should show him this thread!


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Posted: 10/26/2011 6:11:00 AM
I hate it! I used to end up with bruises up and down my rib cage because someone thought it was funny to see my reaction every time they poked me in the ribs. I am very ticklish everywhere, and if someone wants to tickle me, I'd rather them go for my feet. That said, I don't let anyone tickle me at all anymore, I even cringe when getting a pedicure because it tickles my feet so bad.

Tea-Pea
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Posted: 10/26/2011 7:58:57 AM
I saw an article that said tickling is a type of bullying. The Tickler is taking away the power of the Ticklee.

Not a fan AT ALL.


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Posted: 10/26/2011 8:04:37 AM
Like anything, it totally depends on the person and how close I allow them into my personal space. There are only a handful of people that I will allow to get close enough to me to tickle and I have punched someone who was not on my "personal space" list.

I exercise the same rule for others, and respect them for it. Some like it, some don't. I won't push it on them if they don't push it on me.

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Posted: 10/26/2011 8:05:28 AM

I am a quiet, non-violent person, but I swear I will punch someone if they tickle me. It really pisses me off.

This is me.

My initial reaction to someone tickling me is to swing and kick. I once gave a boyfriend a bloody nose (accidentally) because he tickled me.

I don't think it's funny at all.

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Posted: 10/26/2011 8:11:25 AM
My mother loathes it with ever fiber of her being. She never allowed anyone to tickle us as children and I recall the first time someone did it to me, I hated it. HATED IT! We've not done it to our children. It is just a horrid thing, but then I'll meet someone who LOVES being tickled and I always wonder, who is the crazy one? It could be me! LOL.



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Posted: 10/26/2011 8:11:31 AM
I hate it. I don't like being tickled or startled. I have a very strong reaction, usually involving smacking the person who did it.

My FIL is a tickler. I had to physically stop him from tickling my kids. It was awful. He was furious with me, saying I was spoiling their fun. I couldn't believe that he couldn't see that they were upset and not having fun. I also couldn't believe that he wouldn't stop when asked to the first time.

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Posted: 10/26/2011 8:14:39 AM
Not ticklish, never have been, so reading this is interesting for me. My children, however, have always LOVED to be tickled. My youngest actualy cracks up when she even sees me make "tickle fingers" in her direction. I don't have to touch her, just make a move in her direction. And she prompts it! I will stop and she screams for more, so I oblige simply because she has the most amazing laugh in the world. My fingers get tired and she still is yelling for me to keep going. Tickles are her crack! My older DD, she likes to be tickled a little when we play, but I know from talking it is just a little and when it is enough. We discuss it during non-tickle times..


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Posted: 10/26/2011 8:16:46 AM

To me tickling is painful, and yet, I laugh. Its like a reflex I can't control even though it isn't appropriate to the way the stimulus actually feels.

^^^That.
HATE IT!!!

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Posted: 10/26/2011 8:21:04 AM

My children, however, have always LOVED to be tickled. My youngest actualy cracks up when she even sees me make "tickle fingers" in her direction. I don't have to touch her, just make a move in her direction. And she prompts it! I will stop and she screams for more, so I oblige simply because she has the most amazing laugh in the world.
My daughter liked it too, when she was very little (until her grandfather overdid it.) My husband would sit on the couch, wiggle his fingers, and say "tickle machine is open." She'd run in and out laughing hysterically. Now that I think about it, she had the control. Same as your youngest -- she gets to choose to be tickled. She's not held down and forced.

Don't you just want to tape that giggle and save it forever? I love little children's giggles.

x2mom
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Posted: 10/26/2011 8:45:53 AM
Hate it! I feel like it's a form of abuse.
My uncle used to tickle my sister and I and would not stop.
I will never tickle a child and never let anyone tickle my kids.

pepea
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Posted: 10/26/2011 8:53:22 AM
Personally, I don't like being tickled. However, if it's done in moderation, no biggie. I can recall being tickled to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and the tickler refused to stop. That can be annoying.

writermom1
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Posted: 10/26/2011 10:54:25 AM
Tickle a baby or toddler and make them giggle for a MOMENT - adorable.

Anything more I am not a fan.

I think it is too often used as the physical version of being mean and then saying "gosh I was only JOKING, can't you take a JOKE?"

Too often it's a way to overpower someone and goes on well beyond ticklish until it hurts.




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Posted: 10/26/2011 10:59:18 AM
I think it can definitely be done in a mean spirited way but it's not rape, that's for sure.


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Posted: 10/26/2011 11:08:37 AM
Hate being tickled. DH knows better.

When I was a teenager, I blew my knee out and was in a cast from my hip to my ankle. My older brother took great glee in tickling the bottom of that foot so I would jerk and my knee would hit the cast and hurt. I learned to not be ticklish on the bottom of that foot!

I especially hate when someone tickles the armpit. Hate that with a passion.

One of my special needs kids discovered I'm ticklish behind my knees. He invades my space and grabs the back of my knee about once a week, and we have to have the personal space talk.

My girls hate to be tickled, and we have had to tell several older relatives that they can't tickle them.

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Posted: 10/26/2011 11:14:17 AM
I have always playfully tickled my kids and they love it, now they are all teens except dd who is 8. We are all very ticklish and so it's only a sec or two of tickling that any of them can take. But they like it, for a second and enjoy tickling each other now and then - trying to catch the others off guard, and they all have fun with it.

Now me, I HATE to be tickled, I really HATE it. Recently my teen age boys found out how much I hate and tickled me mercilessly on and off for 3 days those stinkers! They were surprised anyone could freak out so much as I did, and of course that spurred them on, but not in a malicious way - just having fun ganging up on mom. they have forgotten about it and I wont remind them!

Btw I had a friend in hs who would actually pee within 3 seconds of being tickled, EVERY time. No one would believe- "stop or I'll pee", well until she did. Great memory of her peeing on my parents kitchen floor one time after homecoming when a boy was tickling her...

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Posted: 10/26/2011 11:14:44 AM

I think it can definitely be done in a mean spirited way but it's not rape, that's for sure.




No, it is not rape and that was definitely a distasteful and offensive statement. However, it can be a form of torture for many people. That is not an exaggeration.

Julie

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OklaPhoma

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Posted: 10/26/2011 11:25:06 AM
Recently my teen age boys found out how much I hate and tickled me mercilessly on and off for 3 days those stinkers! They were surprised anyone could freak out so much as I did, and of course that spurred them on, but not in a malicious way - just having fun ganging up on mom.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

while YOU might not have felt it was malicious because you love your sons. You really need to teach them that to others, who don't have the same love for them, it IS going to be taken as malicious. As teenagers they need to have the "no means no" lesson learned throughly. How they treat you is the testing ground for how they will treat their dates and future wives. I assume you don't want them mercilessly tickling a spouse who doesn't want it.


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PeaWee

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Posted: 10/26/2011 3:36:23 PM
I don't know why I hate being tickled. I can't remember a traumatic example of tickling. I just know that tickling, or even being held down like in "play" wrestling usually leads to a panic attack. I have trouble breathing and will certainly almost always cry. I hate that I hate tickling.

My DH loves to tickle. He is not trying to be mean, but he thinks my reaction is genuinely funny.



Melinda Walker

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