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Susie_Homemaker
AncestralPea
PeaNut 337,804
September 2007
Posts: 4,034
Layouts: 1
Loc: In the Know
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batya
Making the WWW better, one post at a time.
PeaNut 59,094
December 2002
Posts: 31,933
Layouts: 24
Loc: up on my high horse
 |  Posted: 10/4/2012 8:47:37 AM
I would not send that text from Nicole. You are going to be baiting a crazy person who will be in contact with your child at some point and will be poisoning her children against him. They have to co-exist at school. Do not engage. Just tell her you think it's best to discontinue the carpooling relationship and you're sorry it didn't work out. I'm sure this isn't the first time something like this happened to her and it won't be the last.
He could be building up a lot of anxiety about getting back in the car with this woman and/or her kids (even if it's just with the dad) again. You know she's telling those kids terrible things about your DS. After all, why were they set up to tattle on him. She should have told them that tattling and gossiping was cruel if she is so pious and left it at that. Instead, she pounded on you and your DS and continued at it with 'prayers' that she felt called upon to pass along to you. Think about that. |
OK. Newbie. This is how it works. If your post consists of 80% sanity, 10% stupidity and 10% all kinds of crazy, we immediately focus on the 20% b/c it discredits the 80%.
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peasful1
Needs a New Pea Title
PeaNut 44,870
August 2002
Posts: 14,222
Layouts: 1
Loc: Valley of the Sun
| Posted: 10/4/2012 10:10:54 AM
So you ask what the peas would do, then completely disregard everything said and decide convenience trumps all?
My child would never step foot in a vehicle with that family ever again. But hey, if you're ok with someone who views your child as pathetic, lost and in need of spiritual saviour, power to you. And good luck to your child. Carpool with this family will be convenient for you, but hell for them. |
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"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself." -- Wayne Dyer
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annoyedanonymous1
PeaWee
PeaNut 568,457
October 2012
Posts: 9
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 10/4/2012 10:51:46 AM
I am the type of person who needs to marinate on things for a few days, and I've been marinating on this.
I am going to cancel carpool with this family. I think I was trying to avoid a big stir (this is a small school), but I have to think about my kid. I really just don't want him around that woman and her kids. Had she not sent that message about "the Lord" I might have given it a week or so to make my decision, but after that bs--I am done.
I don't want her bad influence on my kid, and her irrational anger. Now I am trying to word a diplomatic email, but also calling her out on her unchristianly use of prayer.
Thanks ladies. | |
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shaedsp
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 253,574
March 2006
Posts: 2,611
Layouts: 15
Loc: Vancouver Island
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annoyedanonymous1
PeaWee
PeaNut 568,457
October 2012
Posts: 9
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 10/4/2012 10:56:03 AM
My child has not apologized yet. We have not seen the mother since that day. I drove the kids this morning, and I am picking up my child this afternoon. I am supposed to take them in the morning too, and she was supposed to pick them up Friday afternoon. I am writing the email now, so tomorrow we will not have to carpool (or ever again). And I am not going to make my child apologize now. I will not give her the pleasure of having that. | |
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wholarmor
I'm NOT a sack sniffer!
PeaNut 29,699
February 2002
Posts: 24,076
Layouts: 92
Loc: SE Washington
 | Posted: 10/4/2012 10:59:30 AM
That's probably good. And I know that I said the child should apologize, but I can see why you wouldn't do that, and support you on that decision. |
Kris
Mom to Kyrie(9), Isaiah(8), and Jayden(5)
my blog
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bunnylady
PeaAddict
PeaNut 93,895
July 2003
Posts: 1,800
Layouts: 79
 | Posted: 10/4/2012 11:06:28 AM
I wouldn't have addressed it with you at all, honestly. If I had that rule and kid who was carpooling with me broke, it I would tell him to his face. Something like "Bob, I see that you got out your Nintendo when we have a rule that you can't do that. If you're unhappy about where you're seated, let me know and we can rearrange for the next ride."
Then, the next few times the kid is in my carpool I just pull him aside and say "Dude, no DS right? Remember, we have a rule about that." If it happens over and over, then sure, I might mention it to the other mom. But one time? And it needs texting about, which means she thinks it's big enough to require immediate attention?
That's coocoo for cocoa puffs. She needs to get a grip.  |
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annoyedanonymous1
PeaWee
PeaNut 568,457
October 2012
Posts: 9
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 10/4/2012 11:27:42 AM
I am having a hard time writing this email. I want to call her out, but I feel I should just get to the point and "calling her out" will just escalate the situation.
After much thought and consideration, our family has decided to cease this carpool arrangement.
That's all I have (that is diplomatic). I have written paragraphs of how I really feel, but should I even include that?
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GrinningCat
Proudly Canadian
PeaNut 43,061
July 2002
Posts: 31,753
Layouts: 2
| Posted: 10/4/2012 11:30:42 AM
Just send that. It's short, sweet and to the point. Don't give her any fuel or anything else to harp on. Be done. As much as it would be satisfying to bitch smack her, it's not worth the effort. You're better than she is, show her that in your response. | |
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MCM
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 171,380
October 2004
Posts: 2,872
Layouts: 4
Loc: Midwest
 | Posted: 10/4/2012 11:37:51 AM
Oh goodness - that lady sounds rather wacky!
That's all I have (that is diplomatic). I have written paragraphs of how I really feel, but should I even include that?
No! I don't think it will serve any good if she were to read that. Write it for yourself - then delete it/shred it.
I would keep the message to her real short. "I'm sorry for what transpired on Tuesday with my son. After careful consideration my husband and I feel that it would be best for all if we stopped participating in the car pool."
Part of me wonders if you might want to offer to do all the car pooling for the next week to give them an opportunity to make other arrangements? Hmm... not sure about that. Would be a nice gesture I suppose.
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cocoanmom
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 285,775
November 2006
Posts: 2,624
Layouts: 31
 | Posted: 10/4/2012 11:40:53 AM
I would just send the email saying..that you think it is best to just stop carpooling. Short and sweet. If you feel it is needed..have your child write a note of apology for not listening and just not send it. I have done that in the past with a neighbor. The kids did something wrong but the neighbor never knew about it(Picking flowers and bushes) The kids got the point and I did not have to open a can of worms.
There is no use in baiting her anymore.Even though it sounds like a great idea.  | |
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Jili
SLPea
PeaNut 25,268
November 2001
Posts: 8,699
Layouts: 9
Loc: Chicagoland
| Posted: 10/4/2012 11:43:33 AM
I wouldn't have addressed it with you at all, honestly. If I had that rule and kid who was carpooling with me broke, it I would tell him to his face. Something like "Bob, I see that you got out your Nintendo when we have a rule that you can't do that. If you're unhappy about where you're seated, let me know and we can rearrange for the next ride."
Then, the next few times the kid is in my carpool I just pull him aside and say "Dude, no DS right? Remember, we have a rule about that." If it happens over and over, then sure, I might mention it to the other mom. But one time? And it needs texting about, which means she thinks it's big enough to require immediate attention?
I agree. I did (and still sort of do) think the OPs child should have made a very simple apology right from the start, just to be nice and to for the sake of making peace. I've been changing my mind on that, however after seeing the 'prayer' text. I agree with what's written above and that's likely how I would have handled it if a child in my car had disobeyed that particular rule (if I had such a rule, which I don't).
OP, I think it's great that you've decided to end this carpool. I don't think you will regret it. I would not offer to continue driving after this week. That just adds fuel to the fire and would give the other mom the opportunity to try to convince you otherwise. You don't want to do that. You need to just be done. |
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Deanne525
BucketHead
PeaNut 39,183
May 2002
Posts: 971
Layouts: 339
| Posted: 10/4/2012 11:52:51 AM
maybe Im just really laid back..but if I were that mom and saw that the child took the DS out again I would have said "hey buddy..remember I said you couldnt play ds in the car?" I would have given him another shot to put it away. If he did not put it away, or took it out again, then I would have a problem. But, come on, give the kid a chance! This lady is not someone I would want to be around! Personally I think it was a little disprespectful the way she talked to you! Maybe she should take a page out of her own book! | |
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jennyap
AncestralPea
PeaNut 379,453
June 2008
Posts: 4,218
Layouts: 59
Loc: UK
| Posted: 10/4/2012 11:53:04 AM
"I'm sorry for what transpired on Tuesday with my son. After careful consideration my husband and I feel that it would be best for all if we stopped participating in the car pool."
I think that is perfect. |
Jenny
"We're not all the same, we're not all posting at the same time and we are not Borg." - Gamerbabe
My Pinterest boards
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leftturnonly
Will trade mosquitoes for cookies.
PeaNut 416,788
March 2009
Posts: 19,757
Layouts: 0
Loc: Living in Kim's Perfect World, again.
 | Posted: 10/4/2012 11:53:37 AM
Now I am trying to word a diplomatic email, but also calling her out on her unchristianly use of prayer.
I am having a hard time writing this email. I want to call her out, but I feel I should just get to the point and "calling her out" will just escalate the situation.
After much thought and consideration, our family has decided to cease this carpool arrangement.
That's all I have (that is diplomatic). I have written paragraphs of how I really feel, but should I even include that?
I know you want to tell her that what she did was wrong, but I think short and to the point - like you came up with - allows you to rise above the fray.
If she asks why, you can just say that she made it very obvious that driving your child was putting too much stress on her. 
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If PC is the way to get to Heaven, I'm going straight to Hell.
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Epeanymous
StuckOnPeas
PeaNut 15,108
May 2001
Posts: 2,240
Layouts: 1
 | Posted: 10/4/2012 11:57:05 AM
The original incident sounded to me like an overreaction from a parent who is not used to interfacing with other people's children or, well, perhaps, the world.
The follow-up text would have me running for the hills. You made the right call. | |
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Deanne525
BucketHead
PeaNut 39,183
May 2002
Posts: 971
Layouts: 339
| Posted: 10/4/2012 12:00:09 PM
ok..i just read through this thread and didnt see the part about the prayer she sent for your family! What is she...Carrie's mother?!! She must sit in a closet with her make-shift alter and pray for the sin's of others! what a whack job! | |
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KatieBPea
PeaFixture
PeaNut 30,940
February 2002
Posts: 3,990
Layouts: 0
Loc: NJ
| Posted: 10/4/2012 12:04:03 PM
I think you're doing the right thing and your email is just right. As Batya said, don't engage. |
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KristenFNJ
PeaAddict
PeaNut 272,058
August 2006
Posts: 1,263
Layouts: 0
Loc: New Jersey
| Posted: 10/4/2012 12:35:59 PM
I don't disagree with the "do not engage" sentiment.
But I also don't see the mom who felt the need to text about it before the next planned interaction is going to let it go without even a hint of an explanation or confirmation that it's over this incident.
I really want to vote for NicoleQuin's text, because that was magically brilliant. LOL But is there something in the middle?
"I hope you'll understand, I think it's best that we disolve our carpool arrangement. I know we both have our children's comfort close to our hearts, and I believe they'll start and end their days more at ease. Take care..."
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nicolequinn
Sick of Snow
PeaNut 41,352
June 2002
Posts: 5,852
Layouts: 0
Loc: Alaska
| Posted: 10/4/2012 3:18:00 PM
Anon,
I was thinking about this, too, last night... so I can imagine it's dominated a lot of your thoughts!
I'm like you... I need to sit on things awhile.
While I would have LOVED to have sent a text back (like the one I wrote out yesterday!!), that is much easier said than done. I'm sure I would have eventually sent a toned down version, as I would feel the need to address the situation to get my child out of the carpool.
Now that I've slept on it (which is ALWAYS the best thing to do... you sound very rational about it all!!), I'd send a short, but nice text thanking her for being open to carpooling, but you have decided it isn't in the best interest of your family right now. Wish her good luck on the school year... and that's it.
This woman will NEVER listen to you. She will NEVER see your point of view. I think we have all known people like this in our lives... people that are irrational and controlling. It doesn't matter what you say, she appears to be unhinged just enough that no matter how carefully you choose your words, she's going to freak.
You yourself said it is a small school. I think the less said the better. Just be pleasant and move on. If she wants to push it further, decide then what is the best route to go for your kid. But ultimately, she does not impact you or your family... only if you allow her to.
Good luck!
Nicole
ETA: Plus... not engaging will only drive this woman insane, which I think I'd get the most satisfaction out of in the long run! |
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myboysnme
one of those "entitled" peas
PeaNut 69,081
February 2003
Posts: 6,822
Layouts: 1
| Posted: 10/4/2012 7:11:58 PM
Anon - I'm sure it is hard to deal with conflict head on, but ultimately I think you are doing the right thing and your child will remember how you stood up for him when he has his own child.
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My choice is to not take it personally - people have opinions. Particularly people here.-Peabay 12/29/11
I know this is assuming, but I'm really starting to think you are one of those "entitled" peas - Dalayney 4/2/12
profile pic courtesy of GreenEyedLady Designs at Scrap ARt Studio.
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luv2scrapaboutmykids
PeaFixture
PeaNut 329,346
July 2007
Posts: 3,302
Layouts: 13
Loc: Saskatchewan
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Mariah2
Yo, that's fifty dollars for a T-shirt.
PeaNut 526,154
October 2011
Posts: 5,754
Layouts: 0
Loc: Illinois
 | Posted: 10/4/2012 8:28:24 PM
That mom kind of scares me.
She is BOILING MAD bc a kid snuck out a video game in her car. Control issues. |
"We are NSBR. We talk about E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.
Diva Cups Merkins Tub Girl Crock Pots Kitten Heels The Hoff HOF Obama Bush Kardashians Shopping Carts Shopping Trolleys Dead Aunt Cookies Trolls Not Trolls Garden Snakes Snails Stripper Poles with or with out Birds In-Laws Scoff-Laws Blogs Borg Paint Colors Dinner Books and Each Other"
--SueSume, 3/21/13
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AngieandSnoopy
Michel's Mom ~ Sugar Plum's Mummie
PeaNut 52,307
October 2002
Posts: 5,332
Layouts: 80
Loc: Land of Enchantment - Louisiana girl in a Southwest world.
| Posted: 10/5/2012 2:24:29 PM
I hope you were able to get out of the carpool without too much more drama. I did like Lisa's suggestion of adding PRAYERFUL to your text. I'm glad you are standing up for your child. When I was that age, my mother didn't stand up for me (it was her husband picking on me and I could do NOTHING right, my father had died 3 years before) and it can have long lasting consequences.
You DS did wrong in not obeying the rules but I can understand the need to sneak something in to entertain himself. The commute must seem forever, especially if her children weren't being friendly. |
Angie ~ Snoopy, Amanda, Michel, Davy, Benji, & Onkita - my fur kids!
Red, Black & Tan, & Double Dapple mini Dachshund's! Is it Snoopy or Snoopea?
Michel 9, Onkita 14, Jeannie the Chiweenie 14, and Sugar Plum 16 years!
  
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flanz
AncestralPea
PeaNut 211,902
June 2005
Posts: 4,684
Layouts: 2
| Posted: 10/5/2012 2:34:33 PM
ITA with Batya
Yes, it was disrespectful, but I'd be concerned about carpooling with someone who sounds like she can become unhinged at something so small. SO angry. And such a BAD INFLUENCE on her sheltered homeschooled kids?
I'd be happy to discontinue this carpooling relationship. I don't know if I could trust this person with my child. Something about this raises a red flag with me. I just can't put my finger on it.
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smilesnpeacesigns
PeaFixture
PeaNut 341,236
October 2007
Posts: 3,414
Layouts: 1
| Posted: 10/5/2012 2:35:15 PM
So what happened? Did you send the text? What did it say? What did she say? Anything?
I think you are doing the right thing too. |
| Even with the snark, trolls and spelling police you are a great group of ladies! | |
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annoyedanonymous1
PeaWee
PeaNut 568,457
October 2012
Posts: 9
Layouts: 0
| Posted: 10/6/2012 12:59:59 PM
UPDATE:
I sent the email (basically saying what I wrote above, but I did include "after much thought and prayerful consideration" )
She did call my cell phone a few hours after I sent the email, but I didn't answer. Chicken, I know....I didn't want to get in a tit for tat over the phone. She's a grown ass adult, and she can figure out what she did wrong. I don't need to explain it to her and I don't owe her an explanation other than this carpool arrangement is not a good fit for our family.
I did have my child write her a note of apology and we mailed it.
We have made up a new schedule for getting kid to and from school, and I think it will work out fine.
Thanks for being my sounding board! | |
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Susie_Homemaker
AncestralPea
PeaNut 337,804
September 2007
Posts: 4,034
Layouts: 1
Loc: In the Know
| Posted: 10/6/2012 1:23:05 PM
Good for you! I think what you did was perfect. Not only did you take the high road, but you know that she thinks she didn't do anything wrong, so it will drive her crazy that you won't talk to her about it.  That would give me a lot of satisfaction. |
    
It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'
- Sam Levenson
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tikibay
PeaFixture
PeaNut 51,706
October 2002
Posts: 3,901
Layouts: 33
Loc: South Jersey Girl
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x2mom
PeaFixture
PeaNut 131,952
February 2004
Posts: 3,356
Layouts: 3
Loc: central Texas
| Posted: 10/6/2012 1:42:35 PM
That Mom is a crazy. My kids would NOT be in the car with her again!
ITA, she sounds like a psycho.
Agree with both ^^^^
I didn't read all the replys, I stopped after the first dozen or so, but, I would
not want my child around this woman. | |
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